Losing the light sequel to mask and the lens
by jasseen
Summary: once love is lost can it be found again...? THIS IS A REPOST DUE TO ERRORS IN THE FILE... SORRY
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Losing The Light

By Jasseen

Chapter One

*J.J. *

Walking across the lobby, she could already hear the whispers.

"He left her?"

"He's a fool to let that one go."

No, I'm the fool for letting this happen. J.J. thought, as she went through the door.

Walking to her rental, she tried to stem the flow of tears.

I'll never be able to drive like this. She thought.

Getting behind the wheel, she put her head down on the steering wheel. She fought and finally managed to get her emotions under control. Then she pulled out heading for the airport.

As she sat waiting for her flight, she caught herself looking for him. She was still holding out a little hope that he would come and stop her from going.

Hearing her flight being called, J.J. got up and boarded the plane with a sigh. Setting down in her seat she just stared out the window.

***Kane***

Could she really have meant that? Kane wondered, as he stepped into the lobby.

What is wrong with these guys? He wondered, seeing their stares directed at him. That isn't their usual derisive look. Did I miss something?

Stiffening, he walked to the desk and checked out.

NO last minute notes or requests before I go? Did she really go or is she playing games? Could those really be her cameras? He wondered, as he walked out to his rental.

Arriving at the airport he looked around, half expecting her to be waiting for him.

Maybe she did go. He thought surprised, that he was saddened by that thought.

It's what you wanted isn't it. You wanted her gone, out of your sight and out of your life! Well now you have it. Does it make you happy? Part of his mind asked sarcastically.

*J.J./Mike*

She was shaken from her reverie when the plane landed.

Wow, I don't even remember taking off. J.J. thought, with a small sad chuckle.

She grabbed her bags and went to the bank of pay phones.

"Mike, its J.J." She said when he answered.

"What's up? Are you guys back here already or are you on a break." Mike asked.

"I'm just taking a break." J.J. said. "Could you come to get me at the airport. I'm going to need the Dodge."

I'm just taking a break? Is she hurt? Did that jerk do something to her? Mike wondered.

"No problem, I'll bring it then you can drop me off afterward." He replied.

"Good, I'll see you in a while. Don't hurry, I'm not in a rush." She said quietly.

She really doesn't sound right. Mike thought, already writing his wife a note.

"I'll leave right now. Hopefully the traffic won't be too bad and I'll be there in about an hour." He said.

Hanging up, J.J. took her baggage to one of the many locker banks.

Well I don't have to worry about my cameras getting stolen this time. J.J. thought with a laugh, as she pulled out the key.

She went to a small restaurant and sat down. Then ordered, but she spent the next hour playing with the food, and drinking coffee.

Hearing her name paged, she picked up the courtesy phone and heard Mike's voice.

"I'm here J.J., where do you want me to meet you." He asked.

"Just stay where you are. I'll be there soon." J.J. said.

She got up and retrieved her luggage, and she went to meet him.

She looks like shit. When was the last time she slept? He wondered, noticing her drawn pale appearance immediately.

"How are you babe?" He said, trying to make her smile.

"Fine, how's the wife?" She answered automatically, but her expression never changed.

Well that tears it. Something is definitely wrong. She can't even bust my balls. Mike thought, getting worried.

"Well let me get you out of here." He said, reaching out and taking one of her bags.

I'm too tired to argue about luggage. Go ahead and take it. J.J. thought, releasing the bag to Mike.

Getting to the car they loaded the baggage.

"You look a little jet lagged. Why don't I drive?" Mike said; sure she'd refuse.

"Sure, just drop me at the Hilton. I've got a room booked there." She said listlessly.

I don't think she should be alone. Not the way she looks. He thought, beginning to worry even more because she'd said he could drive. She swore she'd never let me drive again.

"Are you kidding? You come stay with me and the wife." He said.

"No Mike, just take me to the Hilton. Oh wait, I need to get you back to your house first." J.J. said.

"Naah, I'll deal with that. You don't look like you should be driving right now." He said.

"Sure." She said, turning to look out the window.

He tried several times to draw her out, make her talk to him. But it was useless.

Damn I wish she'd let me know what's going on. Something is definitely very wrong here. He thought, as they arrived at the hotel.

He parked the car and carried her luggage in, while she walked slowly behind him.

"I'd better get you all the way upstairs, you look like you're going to fall over right here." He said.

"Yeah, I'm really tired. Going to sleep for a week." She said, trying to ease the worry she could see in his eyes.

Can't let him worry. I'll survive this, but I don't want them involved. J.J. thought, as she caught him starting at her with concern.

Once at the room, he put her bags inside and made sure she had everything she needed.

"Get some sleep J.J." He said, knowing that wasn't the whole problem.

"I will. I'll call you in a bit to catch you up." She said, knowing that was what he wanted to hear.

"Good, I'm dying to hear all about it." He said, as he left.

Maybe coming back here was a bad idea. I won't get any peace from Mike or Ron until they know everything. Knowing them Kane will get a visit. J.J. thought, as she showered.

I can't let that happen, because that will only embarrass Kane, or get the two of them killed. Especially after what Kane did to King last night. J.J. thought, worried that someone would get hurt.

Crawling into bed, she closed her eyes and let her mind wander to better times.

I'm torturing myself, but I can't help it. I miss him so bad. J.J. thought as she fell asleep.

Her dreams were filled with Kane and all they had done. Then she began seeing all the things she'd wanted to do with him. A home, maybe a family, days spent in his arms.

***Kane***

Boarding the plane he couldn't help but look around, part of him hoping she'd be there somewhere.

Idiot why are you looking for her? Do you want her? Do you need another lying, conniving murderer in your life? Isn't Mark enough of that for one person? Kane asked himself, as he took his seat.

Settling back he waited for the plane to take off. Once it had he closed his eyes and tried to catch up on some of the sleep he'd been missing. As he dozed off her face drifted in front of him.

**Dreaming**

He saw her standing in front of him. Smiling as she reached for him. Moving into her open arms he wrapped her in a tight embrace. Suddenly there was incredible pain in his back. Releasing her he stepped back out of her arms. She was still smiling as she watched him. In her hand she held a large bloody knife. She stepped forward quickly and struck again, this time the blade entered his chest.

He closed his eyes in unbelievable agony. When he opened them, he watched her step back. J.J. was laughing as she held his still beating heart.

"This is all I really wanted. But you gave so much more. You fool, you gave me your innocence and through it all I laughed. I gave you only what I had to give to achieve my goals. I don't need you anymore. In truth I never needed you at all. But I must say it WAS fun playing with you."

**End of Dream**

Kane woke with a start, to someone shaking him roughly.

"Sir are you ok. You looked like you were in pain. Do you need assistance?" The flight attendant asked.

Shaking his head no, he tried to calm his rapid breathing.

"Are you sure?" She asked again.

With a nod, Kane got up and headed to the washroom.

Removing his mask, he splashed cold water on his face in an effort to banish the last of the nightmare.

Even in your dreams you cannot escape her betrayal and the pain. He thought, getting angry at his continued stupidity.

Going back to his seat. He couldn't help but notice the stares of the passengers who had seats near his.

This is ridiculous. I have a cage match with Hunter in three days and I haven't slept in six. I have to get some sleep or I'll never be able to give him what he deserves. Kane thought, as the plane landed.

*J.J.*

Waking slowly it took her a moment to remember where she was.

Well I did it. I managed to walk away, to leave quietly and not do what Tori and X-Pac did to him. J.J. thought, trying to make herself feel a little better.

Crawling out of bed she walked to her luggage. Opening the first bag she saw that it was filled with blacks.

Taking a deep breath she closed her eyes and pushed the bag away.

I can't even look at them. It just hurts too much right now. J.J. thought, as tears began to fall once again.

She got up and went back to bed.

Maybe I'll be able to do it later. I'm too tired to move. She thought, as she curled up around a pillow.

Yeah, I'll get up later. She decided closing her eyes and allowing sleep to claim her again.

*Kane*

Stepping off the plane he went directly to get his luggage and rental.

I will get some sleep if it kills me. He thought, heading for the hotel.

Once there, he went to his room and changed. Then he went down to the gym and started working. He pushed himself hard with increased weight and reps. Then he spent nearly an hour working cardio.

If this doesn't put me to sleep nothing will. He thought, as he headed back upstairs.

Kane showered and ordered something to eat. When it arrived he sat down and forced it past his lips, much as he had Father's cooking for all those years.

When he'd cleaned his plate he went and crawled into bed. Wrapping himself around a pillow he closed his eyes.

Just let me sleep only sleep. He thought, hoping against hope for a peaceful night.

*J.J.*

**Dreaming**

"Kane wait!" J.J. shouted chasing the barely visible form of her love.

Following him down one hallway and up another. No matter how fast she ran, or how loud she called to him, Kane never turned around.

"Why are you bothering, you are an ugly thing. He couldn't want you not really."

"You wrecked it. Like you wreck everything. You can't do anything right."

"Come here my good little girl. I'll give you what you really want from him."

"I told you, you're cold and unfeeling. A total Ice Bitch."

She heard the horrible comments from everyone she'd ever known echo in the halls as she chased him.

Suddenly, she was face to face with Kane.

Looking up into his eyes she was unable to speak. She opened her mouth but no words came.

"I'm alone. Only wanted love. YOU Destroyed that." He said, his bare face turning into a mask of pain and rage.

Still watching him, she saw him raise the mask and slide it into place. As it came to rest she saw his eyes again. They were blank, but she could see the fire burning within.

"Everything burns." He said, as he turned away.

J.J. was glued to the spot. All she could do was watch him walk away. Then she heard laughter. It was the same laughter she'd heard a hundred times from Hunter. The sick deep rumble of Undertaker's laugh soon joined it.

**End Dream**

Waking suddenly she sat up, clutching the sheets as her body shook.

Laying back down she stared unseeing at the ceiling until hunger drove her from the bed. Ordering something small she waited on the couch staring into space.

When her food arrived she ate mechanically, put the dishes outside and crawled into bed again.

A ringing phone woke her later.

"J.J. it's Mike." She heard.

"What's up." J.J. said, trying to sound normal.

"I've been waiting to hear from you. What's going on?" He asked.

"Nothing. I just have a lot on my mind. I'll give you a call as soon as I get it worked out." She answered, anxious to get off the phone.

"Ok, but I'm starting to worry. You need anything you call." He said.

"Sure." J.J. said, hanging up.

J.J. unplugged the phone and lay back down. She didn't sleep, just lay there clutching a pillow and staring blankly into space.

*Kane*

**Dreaming**

Mmm that's good. He thought, feeling her tease and stroke him.

He watched her kneel between his thighs. Her smile and eyes full of lust as she touched him.

"That's it baby, yes relax my love, let me touch you." He heard her say, as her hand closed around him again.

Rocking his hips, he met each downward stroke of her hand. He looked down loving the sight of her hand caressing him.

He felt her fingertips and nails against his scrotum, and opened his legs wider.

"Like that? Would you like me to suck you, lick you?" She asked, gently squeezing his now painfully hard cock.

He nodded waiting for her to begin.

"Better still, Cum for me. I really want to watch you cum." She whispered her words enough to send him plummeting over the edge.

**End Dream**

Fuck, he thought. First you dream of her stabbing you in the back and cutting out your heart. Now you foul your bed with dreams of her. What the hell is wrong with you? Have you lost all control?

Getting out of bed, he stripped and showered. Then he pulled the sheets off the bed and left them beside the door. After turning the sign to housekeeping he left heading for the gym.

Again he worked himself hard. Finishing just in time to shower and get to the autograph session.

Walking in he looked around.

She was scheduled to work this event. We'd planned to go hiking afterward. He thought, moving toward his assigned place.

Looking around again, he realized he didn't see her.

Kane saw the other photographers. He felt their stares and it only angered him further. He waited patiently for the public to be let in. When they were, he concentrated his full attention on them.

Even so time passed slowly. He was half-afraid to look up and find her there.

*J.J.*

Rolling over she crawled out of the bed and went into the bathroom. She looked at the stranger staring back at her from the other side of the mirror.

"You look like shit." She told her reflection. "Are you going to let this continue?"

"Yes, I have a right to grieve at least for a little while. He was my whole life but I let my fears and stupidity ruin it." She answered, offering a wane smile to her reflection.

When she'd finished she went back into the bedroom and lay down once again. She lay there in a stupor the rest of the night. Not sleeping but not moving, with memories of him drifting through her mind.

*Kane*

With the session over he went back to his hotel and to his room. Pacing back and forth he knew he needed something to occupy his mind.

He went out trying to walk his anger and restlessness off. It didn't work. After hours of wandering he came back to the hotel. Once back in his room he was pacing again.

I have to rest, to sleep. If I don't Hunter will win, he won't pay for all he's done. I can't let that happen. He thought, looking toward the bar.

No that would only leave me hung over and weak. He thought, getting angry at his lack of control in this area.

Reaching out he kicked his bags. As they landed he heard a rattle from within one. Going over to the bags he quickly searched them.

These will do just fine. He thought, seeing the painkillers that Pete had given him not very long ago.

These always make me sleep. He smiled, knowing he'd be ready for Hunter.

Reading the bottle, he saw that it should be taken with food. He really wasn't hungry so he chose to disregard the instructions and swallowed two of them dry.

Just until after the cage match. Once Hunter has paid then it won't matter. He thought to himself.

Before long he began to feel their effect. With a satisfied smile he crawled into bed.

She can't keep me awake forever. I will get control of this, just as I will get control of my body and mind. I will not let her betrayal stop me. I will survive, I always have. He thought, even as sleep claimed him.

*J.J./Mike*

What is that? She thought, groggily trying to focus.

Who the hell could be pounding on my door like that? She wondered, dragging herself out of bed.

Opening the door, she was surprised to see Mike standing there.

"What the hell is going on? I've been calling for the past two days. You haven't returned one message. I was beginning to think you'd been murdered here. Jesus J.J. you know better than to just go missing. You are an ex-cop for Christ's sake." He said, pushing his way into the room.

Man she really looks like shit. Holy shit, it looks like a tornado hit this place. Is housekeeping on strike? He thought, his mind a jumble of concern.

"Are you going to answer me?" Mike asked.

"I hadn't planned on it. Mike I am an adult. If I decide to take some time, to be alone for awhile what business is it of yours." J.J. said, her anger clear.

"What business is it of mine? I've been your friend since college. I love you J.J. You are one of my best friends, someone I count on when I need help. I thought you felt the same way. Apparently I was wrong." He replied looking hurt.

"I just need some time Mike. I can't deal what's on my mind and people at the same time. Can you understand that? I just need some time. I promise I have no intention of letting myself get murdered." J.J. said, trying to lighten the mood.

That's not what I'm worried about. You are showing all the signs of major depression. I'm terrified that you will do something stupid, and you'd be gone. Mike thought.

"That's not really what I was worried about. J.J. you look like hell, I'm scared you are going to get sick or maybe do something." He said, unable to say the words.

I need her to know I'm here for her, no matter what. He thought.

"Have no fear on that count. I'm healthy as a horse and have no plans to jump out the window. I've just been really tired. I'll be fine." She said.

"Are you sure?" He asked. "You know you can call me anytime day or night if you need someone to talk to or anything at all."

"Really, it's just that being on the road for the last five months has worn me out. I just need to get through that. It's fine." She said.

"Alright, but if I don't hear from you by Wednesday I'm going to be back here. Next time I won't leave without an explanation." He said.

"Fine, you'll hear from me before then." J.J. said.

By then I'll have decided what my next step will be. J.J. thought, as she walked him out.

*Kane*

Waking slowly he turned away from the painful spikes of light stabbing through his eyelids.

Forcing his eyes open he looked at the clock.

Yes, I knew that would work. Finally I manage a night of undisturbed rest. He thought, rolling out of bed.

He moved lethargically to the bathroom to shower. Once he was done he felt good.

I feel strong. I am ready for Hunter. Today I have a light workout only, and rest. Kane thought, going back to his usual pre-match behavior.

He ordered breakfast, but when it arrived he found he was not hungry.

Sit your ass down and eat! He could almost hear father say.

Making himself sit and eat was difficult, each bite tasted like sawdust.

I will not allow myself to become weak. Mark was right, she was weakening me. Now I must become strong again. He thought, demanding better control from himself.

Once he'd forced each bite past the now seemingly permanent lump in his throat, he changed.

I should have waited until after my workout for that shower. He thought, laughing to himself a little.

Going downstairs he stretched thoroughly. Then he began with a lighter version of his usual routine.

This isn't working. I need something that will take all my concentration. I need to push her from my mind. He decided.

Already warmed up he began again. This time he used a bit more than his usual weight, and demanded an extra set of each exercise.

Better. He thought, as he moved through the exercises.

But he couldn't help but look toward the treadmill.

I can almost see her there, totally zoned out and running. He thought, tears filling his eyes unnoticed.

Stop damn it! He told himself.

He pushed himself a little harder, trying to clear his head.

*J.J.*

Closing the door behind Mike she turned and saw the room for the first time.

No wonder he was concerned. Hell, this place looks like every suicide scene I've ever photographed, except in this case there is no body. J.J. thought, not happy with her behavior.

"Well this ends now. I can't let what happened turn me into a statistic. I need to start getting myself together and make some decisions." She said, talking to herself as she cleaned the room up.

When she was done, she showered and changed.

I'm not hungry. But since I can't remember the last time I ate anything, I should make myself eat. J.J. thought.

Sitting down with the menu, she managed to find a small entrée that somewhat appealed to her. When it got there, the sight of it nearly made her retch.

"You WILL sit yourself down and eat every bite of that." J.J. told herself sternly. "You need to stay healthy."

After forcing the last bite past her lips J.J. got up. She took a seat on the couch trying to hold down the meal she'd just consumed.

As the feeling of queasiness passed she got up.

I haven't been to the gym in days maybe I should go have a workout. That would probably clear my head. J.J. thought, as she paced her room.

No, not today, today I will just go for a nice long walk. I could use the fresh air. She decided.

Walking out the front door, she turned and began walking.

This is nice. The sun feels good. J.J. thought, trying to convince herself not to run back up to her room.

Well, the guy I sublet my apartment to isn't due to leave until next month. I guess I could just stay at the Hilton until then. It's not like I can't afford it. But it's not what I want. She thought, walking into a park.

Five months on the road has given me a case of itchy feet. I don't want to be here now. I don't want to answer Mike's questions, and have them look at me with pity. J.J. thought, beginning to jog on the path without realizing it.

It's bad enough he and Ron became my overprotective big brothers after what happened with Rick. I couldn't stand it if they got even worse. They accepted Kane, and I truly don't want them to change their opinion of him. I couldn't bear it if they blamed him for this. I would die if they badmouthed him trying to make me feel better. J.J. thought, unconsciously picking up her pace.

My decision is made for me again. I can't stay here. I have to go where no one knows me. Where no one will ask me questions. J.J. thought, as she kept running.

As she continued to run, she tried to sort out what she really wanted. What she could do now that she couldn't even think about holding a camera.

Well, I'll have to empty the storage area. No sense in continuing to pay for it. I'll go and take out what I really want to keep. She decided, after her second circuit of the jogging path.

The Dodge goes. I need something better, something with a little more storage space. J.J. thought, as she came to a stop and automatically began her cool down routine.

*Kane*

Getting back upstairs Kane showered, then suddenly realized he had nothing to do.

Shit, what the hell am I going to do now? Before her, I read and watched old matches during my off time. Now that will only give my mind the opportunity to fill with thoughts of her. I need to keep busy until I can stop these memories that torment me so much. He thought.

He tried to read, then to watch TV. He even tried reading with the TV playing loudly. Nothing worked, the second he sat still she invaded his thoughts.

I have to find some mind numbing activity. There has to be something. He thought.

As he thought as he began pacing.

That's it! I remember X-Pac with those damn video games. He completely zoned out. Maybe that would work. He thought, even though remembering X-Pac exacerbated the fresh wound of J.J.'s betrayal.

Walking out, Kane headed to the nearest mall.

I need something that I can take with me from place to place. It would be even better if I could take it to the arena too. He thought, as he walked along the main part of the mall.

It took awhile but Kane found some handheld games as well as a game system that looked easy to setup. In addition he bought several games for each one. Every game save one was some version of killing or fighting. The only exception was Tetris.

I remember X-Pac staring at the TV late into the night, playing this game endlessly. Kane thought, as he picked up the game.

People would laugh their asses off if they knew the Big Red Retard had gone out and bought toys. He thought, making sure to pay with cash and bring the bags into the hotel without being noticed.

Once upstairs, he found that the game system was indeed easy to setup. Within minutes he was staring at the brightly colored blocks falling and trying to fit them together.

Damn this is harder than it ever looked when the kid did it. He thought, putting all of his concentration of getting the blocks in the right position.

A growling stomach drew his attention from the game.

Looking up, he found that he'd managed to pass several hours.

Good this will work. He thought, knowing he'd found some salvation against the constant replay of painful memories.

*J.J.*

Going back to the hotel J.J. showered again and set her plans in motion. She went through the phone book looking for car dealerships. It didn't take her long to find one that had the SUV she'd been thinking of.

I got used to them traveling with Kane. I know it's just what I need. J.J. thought, as she drove to that dealership.

"Hello ma'am, my name is Mark. Can I help you find something?" The dealer asked as soon as she stepped onto the lot.

"Soon, I want to browse a bit first." J.J. said, walking toward the section of SUVs she sought.

After looking for just moments she found what she wanted.

"I'm ready for you now." She said, the name Mark sticking in her throat.

"What can I help you with?" Mark said, rushing over eagerly when he saw where she was standing.

"I'd like to purchase this vehicle." J.J. said, pointing to a beautiful black SUV with red interior.

"Well let's get you inside and see about financing." He said, smiling at such a good sale.

"That won't be necessary. I will be paying in cash." J.J. said.

"Um, cash. Ma'am that's forty five thousand dollars." He stuttered.

"You're right, a cashier's check would probably be better. I'll need all of the paperwork including the registration right away. I'm only in town for a couple more days." She said.

Mark gulped, shocked but very pleased by this.

"Let me just go and talk to the manager and we'll see if we can expedite the red tape.

"That would be good." J.J. said, turning to look at the SUV again.

You know Kane would have loved this thing. J.J. thought idly, as she unconsciously wrapped her hand around the pendant he'd given her.

"Ma'am," She heard.

"J.J." She said, turning to face Mark.

"We may have a bit more trouble than I'd thought. Cash purchases of this magnitude are often…" He started.

"Made with drug money." J.J. finished cutting him off. "If it helps any I'm an ex-officer with the LAPD. You can give the station a call. I'm sure they still remember me."

"What name should I give them?" He asked sounding uncertain.

"Why don't you give them the one on my license." J.J. said, handing him the slim piece of id.

"I won't be long. Why don't you come in and have a seat? I'm sure you'd be much more comfortable." He said, almost sounding hopeful.

"Sure," J.J. said, seeing the young man's discomfort.

He probably thinks I'm going to run off and he'll lose his big commission. J.J. thought, smiling at the absurdity of it all.

She followed Mark inside and took a seat. She could hear the manager make the call. She could even hear his shocked expression when the station confirmed what she'd said.

"J.J., the gentleman we called would like to speak to you." Mark said.

Taking the phone she smiled at the confused expression on the manager's face.

"J.J." She said into the receiver not sure who was on the line.

"J.J., buying a vehicle? Does that mean you are coming back to work with us?" He said, sounding hopeful.

"Commander Rice?" J.J. said, surprised to hear his voice. "I shouldn't have had them call But I thought it would be easier given the circumstances."

"No problem, but are you coming back?" He asked again.

"Sorry no." J.J. said.

"Damn, if I tell them you're a dealer will that make you stay?" He asked, laughing at his own joke.

"No, I don't think that would be funny at all." J.J. said.

"Well it was good to hear from you anyway. Can you put the other guy back on." Rice asked.

"Sure, it was really nice talking to you too Commander." J.J. said, then handed the phone back to the manager.

She listened as Rice gave him the answers he needed.

From there the purchase went without a hitch. She let them make the Dodge a trade in, mainly so she wouldn't have to get rid of it. They didn't give her much for it, but she really didn't care. In no time she was driving off. She still had temporary tags, but they had assured her they would have it registered by noon tomorrow.

That went more smoothly than I'd thought. I probably shouldn't have had them call the station. Mike will know in no time that I called. J.J. thought.

But that might actually be a good thing. He'll know I went out. That should alleviate some of his worry. J.J. thought, with a slight smile.

I think I'll tackle the storage area tomorrow. I just don't have any energy left. J.J. thought, as she drove back to the hotel.


	2. losing the light chapter 2

Chapter 2

*Kane*

Kane paused the game, before stepping away long enough to order something to eat. Then he started it again while he waited.

When the food arrived he turned off the system to eat. Then he took one of the hand held games and went into the bedroom.

Picking up the bottle of pills on the bedside table he downed two and then played some video poker until he felt them begin to kick in.

I need to sleep, have to face Hunter tomorrow. After that I won't take anymore. He thought, not wanting to use the painkillers as a crutch.

*J.J.*

Getting back to the hotel, J.J. decided to change and make herself work out.

I can't let myself stay down like this. Maybe a shot of endorphins will get me on the move. J.J. thought, forcing herself to head down to the gym.

Once there she tried to go through her usual routine.

This isn't working. All I can see is Kane. J.J. thought, forcing herself to at least finish upper body.

Getting upstairs the pulled out all the pictures she had of him and looked through them. She allowed herself to remember each event as she looked at them. Before she was done they were scattered across the table, couch and floor.

*Kane*

Waking the next morning Kane rolled over and stared at the ceiling. He let his mind wander beginning to plan all the pain he wanted to inflict on Hunter once that cage was locked.

Will Vince even go through with it or will he cancel it because of what I did to that loud mouth? He'd better not cancel it. If he does, well he'll be sorry he denied me my revenge. Kane thought, beginning to prepare himself mentally for all the pain he would both give and receive.

It's bound to be a very interesting day. He thought, smiling as he rolled out of bed.

Stepping into the shower he stretched trying to ease his muscles and clear his head. Instead he saw her in front of him. He remembered that first shower when he'd opened her eyes to find her holding his shampoo hostage.

Stop, how long are you going to let this continue? Will you allow her to haunt you forever, you managed to push the other's betrayal aside much faster than this. What is wrong with you? You are stronger than this! Get some control! Kane thought, nearly hearing Father's voice in the last phrase.

Once dressed, he packed his gear and added a couple of the hand held games. Then he sat down and tried to run the other cage matches he'd see through his head.

His mind drifted to the past.

I remember seeing Mark that first night. Watching him decimate that tiny Shawn Michaels. Thinking he'd finish him before Father decided we could make our move. The look on Mark's face, when I arrived, The pleasure I felt as he went limp in my arms after the tombstone. The only thing better was hearing the little blonde being declared winner. It was pure pleasure to finally give him a taste of the pain and anger I'd been holding for so long. Kane thought, hoping he'd feel that same vindication when Hunter was bleeding at his feet.

Yes tonight will be pure and good. I will destroy Hunter for all that he has done. When I have perhaps I will set about destroying DX all together. They have caused me enough trouble and need to be dealt with. Kane thought.

Finally, unable to sit still any longer he grabbed his bag and headed to the arena. Stepping inside he went looking for his locker room. It was easy enough to find; as usual it was farthest from the ring.

Going inside he found the head of security waiting for him.

Kane ignored him until after he'd locked up his gear. Then turned to face him.

What do you want? Has Vince sent you to fetch me again? I guess he treats everyone like dogs. Kane thought, waiting for the man to speak.

"You know why I'm here Kane. Vince wants you right away." He said; sounding just as aggravated as Kane felt.

Kane just nodded, pissed that Vince couldn't even wait for him to get settled.

I wonder how long he's been waiting in there for me? Kane thought, as they walked down the hall together.

J.J.

Rolling over J.J. looked at the clock.

Too damn early, but I have a lot to do today. J.J. thought, forcing herself to get up.

Throwing on some clothes she grabbed her bags. Looking around she saw the pictures where she'd left them the night before.

Those stay. She decided, as she walked out headed to the storage area.

Going through the contents she found several old cameras and other equipment.

She threw them to the floor of the storage room and stomped on them until they were destroyed. Then she picked up a few personal items, some pictures of Chris, Ron, and Maggie. She also went through the bags of clothes she'd left behind. After choosing enough to begin her journey, she packed them into a couple of suitcases.

I don't need any of this. She though, picking up the bags from the back of the suv and tossing them into a corner.

Then she stopped. Walking over to the bags she opened one, from inside she brought out the doll he'd gotten her.

I want to keep this. She thought.

She brought the doll to the SUV and put it in the passenger seat. Then she went back to work. When she was done she had two bags of clothes and a couple small boxes of important sentimental items.

That's it, My life in the back of a SUV. But that's fine. I'll leave Mike a message asking him to sell off or toss the rest. I'm sure they can get some cash for at least a little of this junk. J.J. decided as she drove away.

Once done J.J. went to the dealership and got her registration paperwork and her plates.

Getting back to the hotel she showered and began to gather the scattered pictures. Again she felt the tears welling up as she put them away.

Someday I'll be glad to have these. When the pain has had time to ease a little. J.J. thought, sliding them into her bag. Until then I'll just keep them close. Just so I can see his face while the light still shone in his eyes.

Sitting down, she wrote the note she would leave on Mike's car.

Mike,

I can't be here right now. I seem to have acquired a case of itchy feet from the five months on the road. I'm sorry if I worried you. I decided to leave the job because Vince is not the man I thought he was. I couldn't stand to keep working for him. So as you can see there is no reason to worry. You know I'm always all right. I've taken everything I need from the storage area. I would really appreciate it if you or Ron could clear it out for me. Sell what's left there or toss it. Whichever is fine for me. I'll give you a holler to let you know I'm ok.

Sorry for all the trouble,

With that done she sat down and tried to relax and decide which way to go first.

I'll head to Denver then maybe to Phoenix. J.J. thought, trying to find some starting point.

Oh no you don't those are the cities they'll be in next. You will not follow them. You will not try to contact him. You said you wouldn't, and he'd only be angry if you did. Let him get on with his life. Let him find the happiness you ruined. J.J. demanded of herself.

I'll just drive until I find someplace I want to stop. Who knows maybe I will even manage to find something that will help make this hurt less? J.J. thought, as she tried to stop the pain that had quickly become a constant in her life.

It's a good thing I have enough money to last me a while. I have no idea what to do with myself. All I've ever wanted or loved was being behind a camera. Hell I couldn't even stand the sight of them when I was at the storage area earlier. No way I can go back to doing that, not now, not ever. But there has to be something I can do. She thought, trying to make some sort of plans for her life.

I guess I could always flip burgers. She thought with a small laugh.

*Kane*

Walking into Vince's office he could see how upset he was.

His face is already red, and the veins are bulging. Guess he's still pissed. Kane thought, smiling behind his mask.

"Kane, you are such a lucky bastard. I've spent the last two days trying to find someone to take your place in that cage. That would be easy enough to explain, especially since you'd be out with injury. But no one is willing to do it, and since it's a cage match I can't force a substitution. So despite that unwarranted and horrible attack on King last week you still have your match. You broke his jaw in two places you know. Now I'll have to find someone else to commentate for the duration of his absence." Vince screamed getting right in Kane's face.

Good, I knew you wouldn't cancel the match. Only broke the jaw in two places, damn I thought I'd done more than that. Especially the way his jaw just collapsed under my hand. Kane thought.

"Do you want to explain what you were thinking? Why the hell would you attack him like that?" Vince asked, still right in his face.

I'm not going to explain myself to you or to anyone for that matter. I'm sick of following the rules and getting screwed. From now on the only rules are mine. Kane thought.

Kane just glared at his boss and shook his head no.

"You are really beginning to piss me off Kane. I don't know what to do with you. Nothing seems to make you understand that I am the one who makes the decisions around here. Once this match is over we will have another discussion. I'll expect an explanation for this shit then." He said, dismissing Kane.

Just beginning to piss you off. I'd better try harder. Kane thought. But, you won't get an explanation for anything. You don't deserve one.

Turning Kane walked out of the office and strode down the hall.

He'd nearly made it back to his locker room when he ran into Hunter and the rest of DX.

"Well if it isn't the freak. Where's the Freakette? Did she finally get smart and leave?" Hunter said.

Here it comes I knew it was only a matter of time. Kane thought, bracing mentally for the onslaught of insults that he was expecting.

"Naah the way I heard it the Retard left her." Jessie said. "Man what a mistake. That bitch was fine. Then again what would someone like you do with such a fine woman? It's not like she'd take you out in public."

We went out in public all the time. Kane thought, before he caught himself.

I Left her? Where the hell would he get that idea? Is he the one who left the envelope? Kane wondered, pushing past them toward his locker room.

Was it DX who gave me the articles? Is that why Jessie knows that I walked away from her? She certainly didn't advertise that we had a problem or had decided to end it. Where else could he have gotten that piece of information? Yet another reason DX needs to be destroyed. Kane thought, pacing his locker room.

Sitting down he again began to run matches through his head. He tried to remember every sneaky little trick Hunter had pulled in the ring.

I have to be ready for anything. Once they lower that cage he'll be able to pull anything from underneath it. I'll have to remember that once we begin. He's bound to use any weapon he can get his hands on. Kane thought.

*J.J.*

Realizing that she was dozing off J.J. decided to take a short nap. She crawled into the bed and set the alarm for a couple hours.

Tonight is the Cage match. I have to make sure he's ok. I have to… Hell there is nothing you can do. But I still want to see it. To watch and make sure he walks away from it. J.J. thought, knowing that she'd probably find some excuse to watch every event just to see him.

That's fine. I can watch, at least when I see him, I'll know he's ok. When he finally finds happiness again I'll be able to tell from his body language. I'll know he's well. That's more than I deserve after all I put him through. J.J. decided, as sleep claimed her.

***Dreaming***

J.J. found herself sitting in an arena watching Kane in a cage. It took her a while to see who his opponent was, because it kept changing. First it was Hunter then Undertaker, then any number of DX and Ministry members.

What's going on? Why does his opponent keep changing? J.J. wondered in the dream.

As she watched he kept battling, sometimes he'd win and sometimes he'd lose; but in every case he walked out bloody and damaged. He'd walk by her just out of reach. Every time he passed J.J. would reach out and try to get his attention but he never saw her.

Something isn't right. His body language reads defeat even when he wins. I don't understand. J.J. thought as she watched him.

After one battle he didn't move, he was brought out on a stretcher. J.J. rushed out to her car and to the hospital. But try as she might she was not able to get anyone to talk to her. NO one would tell her what was happening.

Then she was standing in a cemetery.

No, Kane tell me no. This can't be! He can't be dead. It's not possible! J.J. thought, her dream self beginning to panic.

Looking around she saw that very few people had attended the funeral, and Kane was not among them.

J.J. walked forward trying to tell herself that it wasn't him. That she was seeing someone else's funeral. But deep inside she knew it was Kane.

As she approached the grave she heard them talking.

"Knew he'd go too far, he just never knew when to admit he'd been beaten. What a total retard." She heard, knowing the speaker to be Hunter.

It is Kane. They managed to kill him. J.J. thought, feeling sick.

She saw then that the most of the people who had attended were part of DX or the Ministry.

There's Vince and Shane. They're probably just here for show. J.J. thought, looking anywhere but at the casket.

She saw the happiness on the faces of his long time adversaries. Even his own brother was wearing a sick smile as he looked at the box holding her love.

Where is everyone else? You'd think that at least now they could be here for him. J.J. thought, angry that so few had attended and that those who had seemed happy.

Just before they began to lower him into the ground J.J. spotted Pete standing away from everyone. He was wearing dark glasses, and his body language was showing deep sorrow.

Then she spotted X-Pac standing apart from DX. He was carefully maintaining a blank face but she could see the pain in his stance.

As the earth fell unbidden into the grave everyone began to depart.

"I told you that you were making him weak. I tried but you kept him from me. You caused this. It never would have happened had he joined forces with me." Undertaker said as he passed her.

"Bitch, you made him quit. I may have hurt him but you destroyed him." X-Pac said as moved past.

The rest of DX just laughed as they walked by.

Then she was face to face with Pete.

"How could you have done this to him? He stopped caring after you left. He took on anyone. The harder or more dangerous the match the more willing he was to take it. I think he was trying to hurt himself. He was trying to use the physical pain to cover what was really hurting him. That's on you J.J. It's all on you. You told me you wouldn't hurt him. You did worse than that you killed him. I hope you rot in hell for this." Pete said, spitting on the ground at her feet before walking away.

After a couple of steps he turned back.

"One thing for sure. If you'd stayed he wouldn't have been alone at the end." He said, before turning and walking away.

***End Dream***

A blaring alarm snapped her from sleep, bitter tears still wet on her cheeks.

My god! What if he does get hurt? It'll kill me not to know if he's ok. If Kane's injury is serious or whether it is part of some setup. J.J. thought, beginning to feel sick at the thought.

*Kane*

Walking into the meeting room, he could see he was one of the last to arrive.

What is with that look? They are looking at me differently. I wish I knew what the hell was going on. He thought, as he waited for Vince to begin.

When Vince finally arrived he began the meeting in his usual way by detailing what he wanted changed from the previous event. Mainly he wanted the Pyro to be timed better. Then he moved on to discussing the Cage.

"It's already been constructed and as you guys from the crew know it is already in place above the ring. I want someone on duty from this point on watching both the switch and the ring. I don't want any problems out there tonight." He said sternly.

Looking around Kane saw nods from several of the crew and the security that was present.

From there Vince went through some things he wanted started for the next couple of events. Major changes in the stage setup being paramount.

Finally he dismissed them.

I want a look at this cage. Kane thought heading to the bleachers.

He took a seat and watched the crew finish the last of the setups and checks.

Well she's not among them and I haven't seen her or heard from her since Detroit. I guess she really did leave. He thought, still amazed that it could hurt so much.

Staring up at the cage he looked at the construction and tried to plan how to use it against Hunter.

It shouldn't be hard. That thing looks like it would hurt especially if I plant him face first. This is one time wearing a mask and not caring about your face has its advantages. Kane thought, hoping to leave Hunter with a few permanent reminders of their meeting.

Still smiling behind his mask, he went to the talent meeting.

Taking his usual position he waited anxiously for Vince to begin.

Today is passing too slowly. I want him in my hands; I want to feel his blood run through my fingers. Kane thought, looking over toward the area where DX was sitting.

Vince started as he always did, by berating whomever he thought was slacking during his matches.

"Some people accept matches that should be interesting but instead of destroying their opponent like they should be able to do they lose." Vince said. "Now I'm not naming anyone because they know who they are."

Good Vince pissed off at LOD so we can go again. That was actually fun. Kane thought, looking from Vince to the two large men.

"Next we come to tonight's matches. For the most part they are as planned and in the order we discussed last week. There is however one change." Vince said looking toward Kane.

Shit he found someone to take the match. Kane thought. Guess someone is going to have an accident tonight.

"I've decided to change the cage match just a bit. There will be no ref inside the cage. I can't trust some people to keep their hands off non-wrestlers. The ref will be outside to end the match when one of you can't get up." Vince said, looking from Hunter to Kane.

Excellent, now I can punish him until he can't get his bloody carcass off the floor. Even better than I had hoped. Kane thought, pleased with this turn of events.

Looking up, Kane saw Hunter try to hide his stricken look with a sneer of false confidence.

Oh that's hilarious. Hunter is actually upset by this, afraid of what I can do to him if there is no ref to stop me. He should be. Kane thought.

Vince had better learn that this type of thing is not punishment for me. It's actually a reward. Kane thought, grinning behind his mask.

Soon they were dismissed and Kane went back to the bleachers to stare at the cage. He couldn't help but be drawn to it.

Finally, I will have a chance to get my hands on Hunter without any of the others getting involved. This time it will be one on one and he will see that he's no match for me. He will feel pain and taste his own blood. I will make sure of it. Kane thought.

Hell, maybe this is the way I should handle several of my problems. It would certainly make it go faster. Kane thought, smiling at the thought of demanding cage matches constantly.

Vince would never go for it. But the look on his face would be priceless. Kane thought, finally getting up to return to his locker room.

He changed and sat watching the event until two matches before his. Then he began to stretch and get warmed up. All the while he built his anger into a hot rage with thoughts of what Hunter and the others had done. Then he added fuel from J.J.'s desertion until he was nearly seeing red.

Now I am prepared. He thought, knowing that this rage would keep him from really feeling anything Hunter did to him.

*J.J.*

I'll call Pete maybe he'll be willing to keep me informed without telling Kane he's been in touch with me. Then if something happened I'd know. J.J. thought, knowing she was probably breaking her word about not contacting him.

I need this, now if Pete will only agree to keep my secret. I mean I don't need to tell him where I am. Only call to check in on Kane sometimes. Maybe he'll be willing to do that. J.J. thought.

Getting up J.J. ordered something to eat even though her stomach was still upset from the dream.

When the food arrived she made herself eat. Then she sat on the couch. Turning on the TV she put it on the right channel then sat back. She stared unseeing at the screen, allowing her mind to wander. She thought about the dream trying to make sense of it. She couldn't.

The pyro that opened the show startled her into the present. She sat up and watched anxiously.

*J.R./Ventura*

"Well Jessie The Body Ventura is here tonight to cover for the injured Jerry Lawler." J.R. said, introducing his temporary partner Jesse Ventura.

"It's great to be here. I want to say up front that Kane would never have done that to me. It just wouldn't have happened if you get my meaning J.R." Ventura said, sounding cocky as usual.

"I'm not so sure. Kane was pretty upset." J.R. said.

"Doesn't matter. I wouldn't have just lain there like that wimp King did. I'd have fought back." Ventura said. "Besides where does that retard get off putting his hands on an announcer and getting away with it. He should have been at least suspended for his actions. But McMahon lets him get away with it."

"I don't know about letting him get away with it. Tonight's match has turned into a match where the winner is the last man standing. I'd call that consequences." J.R. said. "As for why he did it. I can only assume that he'd finally had enough of King badmouthing him constantly."

"His reasons don't matter. Who knows what's going on behind that burn freak's mask." Ventura said.

"Oh, I see you have the same opinion as King." J.R. said.

"Yeah, you could say that. Though I hate to agree with that jerk about anything." The body replied.

Then they heard the music of the first combatant begin.

*J.J./Kane*

J.J. listened to Ventura's words as well as J.R.'s. She sat trying to make sense of his actions the other night.

I just don't get it. He's put up with that for so long why would he lose it now? Why that night? J.J. wondered, as she watched the matches begin.

Kane paced backstage trying to keep warm as he waited for his signal. He watched the monitor as they lowered the cage. His grin grew as it got closer and closer to its final position.

Almost time. He thought.

*Kane/J.J./Hunter*

J.J. watched the screen as Hunter walked down to the ring.

That's it take a good look at my chosen weapon for this event. Kane thought, watching Hunter tug on the chain links and examine the cage.

This is really going to hurt. It was bad enough when this would be a normal match only inside a cage. But now with no pinfalls or submissions, he's just going to try to kill me. Hunter thought.

Isn't that what you had planned for him? The tiny remaining piece of Hunter's conscience asked.

That thing's a lethal weapon in itself. This is not going to be fun to watch. J.J. thought, knowing she wouldn't be able to turn away.

This is going to be even better than I had planned. Look at him. Yeah, this is going to be sweet. Kane thought.

Kane's pyro startled J.J. from her thoughts. She watched the man she loved walk purposefully down the ramp.

He hasn't let any of his anger go yet. How long will he hold onto it? J.J. wondered, tears pricking her eyes.

Reaching the ringside area, Kane set off his second set of pyro then entered the cage.

Come on Hunter. This won't start until you get your ass in this cage. Kane thought, using both hands to tell Hunter to come on.

It'll be fine. Chyna has the spare key to this lock. If it gets to bad she'll bring them in. Hunter thought, trying not to let his relief show.

"Please don't drag this out. Just get it overwith." J.J. whispered desperately to the screen.

Kane watched Hunter as the cage was locked. Then he walked over in that direction. Hunter moved away, and began his usual cocky games with the fans. While he was distracted Kane went to the door. Watching the ref for a moment, Kane waited until he turned his back.

This should nix any plan Hunter has for me. If they can't get in they can't do anything. Kane thought, as he slipped the second lock onto the chain under the first.

Kane tugged on the chain, as if he was just there to check that it was locked.

"Kane what are you up to?" J.J. wondered, aloud as she saw him slip the second lock in place. "Didn't anyone else see that?"

"Guess not." She realized, when no one reacted to it at all.

Turning around, Kane decided he'd waited long enough for Hunter to begin. He climbed into the ring and went right for the blonde.

Shit, Hunter thought, when he saw the red blur headed for him.

Hunter tried to side step, but it was too late. Kane caught him full force with a killer clothesline.

That felt good. Kane thought, following through with a well-placed kick to Hunter's face.

Hunter rolled out onto the floor in an attempt to gain some distance.

Shit! I can't let that happen again. Have to be ready for him. Hunter told himself.

Where are you going Hunter? We're in a cage; there is no escaping this time. Kane thought, going out after his quarry.

With how aggressive Kane has been lately, maybe Vince should have postponed this until another day. J.J. thought, feeling like she was betraying Kane with the thought.

"Fuck," Hunter moaned, when Kane rammed his head into the steel links again.

What's the matter? Afraid I'll mess up that pretty face of yours? Kane thought, taking pleasure in the thought.

Hunter quickly turned the tables, sending Kane rebounding off one of the steel poles that held the chain link.

"Oh god Kane." J.J. moaned, moving closer to the screen.

Kane used the pain to feed his rage. With fire in his eyes, he turned and faced his opponent.

Shit that didn't even faze him. I'm screwed. Hunter thought, as Kane advanced.

Grabbing Hunter by the throat, he lifted him and threw his body against the ropes from the outside.

The blonde bounced and came to rest between Kane and the ring.

That's it. He thought, reaching under the ring and grabbing the first thing that came into his hand.

Getting to his knees, he looked up at the glaring eyes of Kane. Then he brought his hand out and up. The rope wrench nailed Kane squarely between the legs.

Fuck what was that thing? Kane wondered, his eyes tearing with pain even as he fell to his knees.

Just as Kane's eyes cleared, he saw a blur move on his left. He tried to duck, but it was too late. A strong blow to the side of his head sent him to the mats outside the ring.

"Don't worry, I haven't hit anything you use freak. We know your head is empty and well now that the freakette is gone, you have no chance of using that other piece of your anatomy." Hunter taunted, as he bent over Kane's sprawled form.

"Not that even SHE would let you near her." Hunter added, before raising the weapon again.

Now you die. Kane thought, Hunter's words having been the last straw.

Kane was beyond caring now, beyond pain.

Reaching out he grabbed the foot of his attacker and yanked. Throwing the big blonde off balance and backward.

"Shit!" Hunter yelled, as he felt himself falling backward into the steel steps.

Landing on his back. The pain was incredible and the impact drove his breath out of his body.

I have to move. That freak won't stay down for long. Hunter thought, groggily.

Even as he thought that, he saw Kane enter his field of vision.

Smiling behind his mask, he pulled the tool from Hunter's grasp and brought it down into his face. Then dragging him to his feet, he held him against the fence and brought his knee up into Hunter's groin and stomach repeatedly.

Releasing him at last, Kane stepped back and watched Hunter fall and struggle for breath.

Shit I can't breathe, and I swear my nuts are in my throat. Hunter thought, as he felt himself hit the floor.

You better move. No way you get out of this yet. Kane thought.

Reaching down he picked up a dazed Hunter. Then threw him back into the ring. It was then that he saw the small pool of blood on the mat where he'd lain.

Busted open already and the match has just begun. You keep that up and it will be blood loss that ends this. Kane thought, rolling into the ring.

Have to fight back; I can't let this retard get the better of me. Hunter told himself, as he rolled to a stop and got up.

"Your turn Kane." Hunter yelled, as he went for Kane.

"This is a brutal match. Just as we expected. Both men are looking very much the worse for wear." J.J. heard J.R. say but it seemed distant.

"I have to believe that in a match like this Hunter has the upper hand. I mean Kane may be strong, but Hunter will outthink him and take the win." Ventura said, sounding too confident to J.J.'s ears.

Good, take the offensive. It won't do you any good, but it will make this last longer. Kane thought, as Hunter attacked before he'd gained his feet.

Struggling a bit at first, Kane was trying to get enough room to stand. But the sheer weight of Hunter on his back and the number of blows raining down prevented it.

Kane took every bit of pain Hunter managed to inflict and fed it to the raging inferno that was his anger. He kept the flame burning, rising higher and higher until he could feel it destroying everything in its path.

"Your turn to bleed you asshole." Hunter whispered, as he pummeled Kane.

The match began to go back and forth, with neither man seeming to get a clear advantage.

What the hell is going on here? I should be killing him, but I can't get more than a few shots in before I'm laid out again. Hunter thought, beginning to worry that he might have underestimated the big man.

That's it Hunter your turn. Good, now I get to play for a bit. Kane thought, allowing the game to continue.

"Shit, Kane you're playing with him. You're letting him get shots in on you before you stop him again." J.J. realized as she watched the match.

By now both men were bloody, but you couldn't tell whose blood it was. Hunter was bleeding profusely from the forehead and nose. While Kane's blood, if it was indeed his, was concentrated on his chest and back, probably from somewhere beneath the mask or hair.

Good they're here. It will be over soon. Hunter thought, when he saw Chyna and the guys heading down.

Suddenly, Kane heard a commotion from near the gate. Looking over he had to laugh.

So you did have a key. Too bad I added that second lock. Kane thought, watching DX trying to get in.

What's happening? Why are they still outside? Hunter wondered.

Picking up Hunter by the hair he turned him to face his helpless teammates. Then threw him over the top rope and into the gate right in front of them.

"Fuck," Hunter's cry of anger and pain was torn from his lips as he hit the fence.

Kane couldn't help but laugh again as Hunter's blood splashed onto Chyna. Hunter fell to the floor even as Kane came out to retrieve him.

"Hurry." He whispered to Chyna, knowing Kane couldn't be far behind.

Hunter struggled to his feet and pulled feebly on the gate, as if expecting they had already opened it.

"I can't get it Hunt there's another lock. It won't open." Chyna said, looking into the unfocused eyes of the DX leader.

Shit! I'm really screwed now. Hunter realized, even as he felt Kane taking hold of him again.

"Damn it you bastard that's enough!" Chyna screamed at Kane, as he grabbed Hunter by the hair and began to bring him back into the ring.

Bastard? Not smart to piss me off when I have his life in my hands. Kane thought, using the fistful of blonde hair to smash his opponent's face into the steel a few times in front of his friends.

Don't taunt him now. Shit don't piss him off. Hunter silently pleaded with his friends.

This is what happens to people who cross me. I've had enough. Care to piss me off some more? Kane thought, waiting and mostly supporting a barely conscious Hunter.

Chyna didn't say anything. She just stood and stared transfixed into Kane's hate filled eyes.

"You really plan to kill him don't you?" J.J. thought, watching the way Kane was manhandling the big blonde.

"Don't do it baby, please don't do anything you'll regret." J.J. whispered to the screen.

I will pay you back for this freak. Believe me, no one does this to Hunter Hurst Helmsley and gets away with it. Hunter thought, as he again tried to get an offense going.

Kane continued to damage the DX leader. Then let him think he was getting some momentum, only to stop him dead again.

Why isn't he hurting? He has to be hurting! Hunter thought, when he hit the masked man again.

This is fun. Kane thought, no longer even aware of the crowd.

After a while longer, Kane began to notice that he was mostly pulling Hunter along, and that the blonde hadn't even tried to fight in quite some time.

Pulling him to his feet again, Kane pinned him to the fence using one hand full of bloody hair to hold him in position.

Damn no wonder he isn't fighting he can't see. Kane thought, seeing his two huge black eyes and his blood-covered face.

When Hunter brought his hands up in self-defense. Kane brushed them aside easily.

Now a little payback, for those chair shots that broke my ribs. Kane thought, knowing that Hunter would be out when he was done.

Dragging Hunter over to the steel steps, he laid him backward on top of them. Then he brought his fist down several times.

Three should be enough. Kane thought, as he felt the satisfying crunch of the third rib.

Oh fuck that hurt! Hunter thought, fighting the darkness trying to envelop him.

Stepping back, Kane surveyed his handiwork.

Not bad. He thought. That should make him think twice about what he's done.

"Oh, god. Kane what have you done. You are giving them the monster they have always expected and believed you to be. You have to stop." J.J. thought, as she watched Kane's sickening display of bloodlust.

I have to move; have to fight back or I'm dead. Hunter thought, finally realizing that Kane could kill him if he chose.

Kane stood on the ring apron looking down at Hunter, waiting for the ref to declare him out. Instead Hunter moved, making some attempt to get up.

Stay down. Don't make me hurt you even more. Kane thought, his anger somewhat sated at last.

When Hunter managed to almost sit up, Kane brought his foot down and pressed against the ribs he'd just broken.

"aaaahhh fuck." Hunter groaned, but he still fought trying to rise up.

Kane felt his anger flare back up.

Stay the fuck down. He thought he could feel the blaze beginning to heat up again.

But Hunter kept struggling, fighting to get to his feet.

You want to get up so bad? Here let me help. Kane thought, grabbing the blonde by the hair again and bringing him to his feet.

Then he threw him face first against the fence and began to use him as a punching bag.

Fuck me Hunter thought, as the darkness won and he passed out.

With how much he'd used the bag lately. Kane was actually holding Hunter's unconscious body upright against the fence, because of the speed with which the blows were landing.

He suddenly felt hands, a lot of them pulling on his arms. Then there were people pushing him backward and holding him against the ring apron. As his vision cleared, he saw an unmoving Hunter face down on the floor surrounded by officials.

Looking around, he saw that most of the officials and security were the ones responsible for holding him back.

He took a deep breath and pushed them aside. Then walked calmly out of the cage.

I wonder how long it took them to cut that lock off? Kane wondered, idly as he saw the decimated lock he'd put on the chain.

Kane stopped and reached out. It took a moment but he managed to free his lock from the chain. Then smiling he walked away.

Kane walked back to gorilla position and stood watching the monitor for a moment, as they got Hunter ready for transport.

Guess that's one less irritation to deal with for a while, without him the rest of DX shouldn't be that hard to deal with. Kane thought, turning and walking to his locker room


	3. losing the light Chapter 3

Chapter 3

*Undertaker*

"Not bad little brother. Perhaps you are not weakened as much as I thought you were. Perhaps you may still serve the greater cause." Undertaker said, quietly as he watched the monitor in his dressing room.

"Shall I speak to him?" Paul asked.

"If I wanted that I would have told you would I not?" Undertaker said, his displeasure evident.

"Yes." Paul replied quietly, as he swallowed his fear of the big man.

*Ventura/J.R.*

"Well that was certainly not a match for the weak at heart." J.R. said. "I can't remember a time when Hunter has been so easily manhandled."

"I hate to agree with you, but it almost seemed as if Kane were playing with him. If that's true, then there is no one here that can stop Kane." Ventura said, almost disgusted by the thought.

"You may be right. Who would want to face him now? I hate to say it but he seems to have completely lost it. He is destroying anyone who crosses his path, or crosses him." J.R. said.

"Then you'd better be careful what you say J.R. You wouldn't want him after you." Ventura laughed.

*J.J.*

J.J. sat listening to the announcers banter.

They're more right than they know. For years people have been underestimating Kane. Now they will really see what he's capable of, because he's too angry to care who he hurts. I should go back, let him take his anger out on me. After all, it is me he is really angry at. Then maybe he can stop trying to wipe out Vince's roster. J.J. thought.

She sat and watched the rest of the event, listening intently for some update on Hunter or Kane. There was none.

Picking up the phone J.J. called the Boulder hotel where everyone was supposed to be staying.

"Pete, its J.J. I know you're still at the arena. But when you get this could you please call me? I really need to speak with you." J.J. said, leaving Pete a message.

Then she began to pace, waiting for the phone to ring.

"Please call me Pete. I need to speak to you." J.J. whispered.

*Kane*

Getting back to his locker room Kane showered and found that most of the blood was Hunter's not his.

Good, I was worried he'd actually managed to hurt me for a moment there. Kane thought, smiling as he slid his mask on.

Walking out toward the back door, he was suddenly surrounded by security.

"Vince wants you." The obvious leader said.

You are so lucky I am willing to go. Or all of you would end up beside Hunter at the hospital. Kane thought, nodding and going along willingly.

*Vince/Kane*

"Kane, sit down." Vince ordered the second Kane entered the room.

Kane made no move to take a seat. Instead he just stared at the smaller man.

He will learn to obey orders. Vince thought.

"So help me Kane if you don't sit down, I will have you brought to your knees." Vince said.

Try it. Kane thought, expecting some signal.

Again Kane didn't move.

Do it! Vince thought, putting his plan in motion.

Vince gave a slight nod and Kane stiffened waiting for an attack. When it came it was in the form of a blow to the back of his knee. Instead of going down, Kane reached behind him and grabbed the attacker, throwing him bodily at Vince.

Well, that didn't go as planned. Vince thought, knowing he'd lost this round.

Once Vince had untangled himself from the security officer and gotten back to his feet he took a seat behind his desk, but he didn't tell Kane to sit again.

"I don't know what has gotten into you lately. You are wiping out my entire roster. First Jake, and then Barbarian. Now you've put Hunter on the shelf. Why? What are you trying to prove?" Vince asked, almost sounding like he cared about the answer.

"Wanted monster. Have one. Happy?" Kane said, bringing the box up and leaning forward onto the desk, getting right in Vince's face.

Oh fuck, he's out of his mind. I don't think he even looked that pissed when Paul controlled him. Vince realized fearfully, as he looked into Kane's eyes.

Vince was at a loss for words. He just stared into the big man's eyes searching for some sign that he wasn't completely beyond reach. He saw nothing but smoldering anger, barely controlled.

When Vince didn't respond, Kane turned and brushed past security and out of the door.

"I want security on myself, Shane, and any McMahon who is present anywhere while he is there. Is that understood?" Vince asked, suddenly afraid for the health of himself and his family.

*Kane*

Leaving Vince's office, he saw the rest of DX standing around, all of them looking worried.

Well looks like step one of DX's destruction has been completed. Now I just take them out one by one. When they are no more, I will begin with my brother and his minions. Soon all the people who've betrayed me will pay, and they will pay dearly. Kane thought, smiling behind his mask as he passed them.

Going to wardrobe, he stepped inside and waited until one of the women looked up. When Paige looked up, Kane held up his bloody damaged shirt.

"Oh, my what a mess." She said. "We'll have to get right to work so we'll have another shirt for you tomorrow."

With a nod, Kane left the shirt in her hand and turned to go.

Getting back to his hotel, he ordered something to eat. When it arrived, he actually enjoyed it for a change. He relaxed for a bit before going to bed.

Somehow I think I'll sleep fine tonight. Kane thought, as he climbed into bed.

*J.J./Pete*

J.J. woke to a ringing phone.

"Hello," She said, picking it up quickly.

"J.J. its Pete. I am so glad you called." He said, sounding worried.

"Is he ok? Was he hurt?" J.J. asked.

"I don't know, he wouldn't let me near him. But he really fucked Hunter up. I'm worried J.J., he's out of control." Pete said.

"I know." J.J. said sounding equally upset. "It's all my fault I never should have left. Now he's taking his anger out on everyone else. I should come back and let him direct it where it belongs. Once he does maybe he'll be ok."

What is she talking about? He's the one who wouldn't go with her? If anything she should be the one who's angry. Pete thought.

"Are you kidding? That won't work. Besides, didn't he leave you? You asked him to go right?" Pete asked.

"Well, not exactly. I didn't want anyone to be able to use it so I said those things. I really left because I didn't want to make things harder on him, by having to look at me everyday." J.J. said. "Please don't let on that it was anything other than that, even to him."

No way, finally someone who cares about Kane enough to not make him look stupid, even when they can. Pete thought, happy he'd been right about J.J.

"I don't believe it. You made yourself look like the one being dumped so he'd be left alone. Don't worry no one will hear that from my lips." Pete said, softly.

"I called to ask a favor. If I called you to check on him, would you keep that a secret from everyone? It would kill me to not know if he was ok." J.J. said, almost pleading with him to say it was ok.

"Even from him?" Pete asked.

Why wouldn't she want him to know she still cares? Wouldn't that help him feel better? Pete wondered.

"Yes, I swore I wouldn't try to contact him in any way. I'm pretty much breaking that promise by asking this of you. But I… well I need it." J.J. said, sounding on the verge of tears.

"If you're sure that's what you want. I'll do it. Where can I reach you?" He said.

"I'm going to be moving around a bit. Can I have your cell phone number and just call you there?" J.J. asked, knowing she was asking for a lot.

"Sure," he replied immediately, giving her the number.

"Anytime J.J.! I mean it. Not just to check on him. I want to know that you're ok too." Pete said, sounding a little on the protective side.

"Yeah Pete Thanks." J.J. said, happy that Kane was ok enough to keep Pete away.

At least that's something. J.J. thought.

"Watch over him for me Pete. Promise?" J.J. said.

"You know I will." He replied, just before hanging up.

Hanging up the phone J.J. sighed.

"Well at least I'll be able to find out if he's ok." J.J. thought. "The dream can't happen if I can find that out."

Laying her head back down, she closed her eyes and allowed her mind to drift.

*** Dreaming***

J.J. smiled feeling strong arms wrap around her from behind. Then she groaned as warm, soft lips tickled the sweet spot on the back of her neck.

"Baby, that's so nice." She whispered, even as she felt hands begin to slide under her sleep shirt.

Turning her head, she saw the beautiful face of the man she loved, smiling at her.

Then his hands began to squeeze her breasts painfully.

"Not so hard, please." J.J. said sounding pained.

"Shh my pretty girl. Be quiet." She heard, the words turning her blood cold.

She whimpered and cried out in her sleep, as she struggled in the strong grasp.

"NO SHIT!" She cried, when she felt her panties being torn off.

Suddenly she found herself on her stomach, with her hands held tightly behind her back.

"Told you to be a good little girl but you weren't. This is what happens to bad girls." She heard.

J.J. felt her legs being bent upward; opening her fully, though her she was still flat on her stomach.

Fighting J.J. turned her head just as she felt the searing pain of him entering her unprepared body.

"You hurt people, that's what you do. First you burned me, and then you hurt Rick and Ron. Now you've done it again. You hurt him. It's time you felt the results of your actions. Time you had some of your own medicine." She heard, as he punctuated each phrase with a hard painful thrust into her.

Finally getting her head turned enough, she saw that it was Kane's face, but the voice she was hearing was Carl's.

"Well, do you see what pain you've caused others?" Carl said, from within Kane's figure as he continued to rape her.

"This is nothing compared to the pain you've caused your latest victim. His torment is beyond the physical and it's killing him from the inside. Now let me see those pretty eyes." He moaned, finally changing fully into the fearful visage of her nightmares.

J.J. started screaming as she saw him change.

***End Dream***

J.J.'s screams finally woke her. Throwing herself out of the bed, she rushed to the bathroom and vomited.

"What the hell was that? Jesus, why was Carl in Kane's image. What the hell made my mind put them together like that?" J.J. wondered, trying to make some sense of the terrible nightmare.

"If I can understand it, maybe I can keep it from happening again." J.J. said to herself, as she went into the main room. "No way I sleep now."

J.J. sat on the couch. Her mind a jumble of disconnected thoughts, as she tried analyzing the dream. In the end she was no closer to an answer than when she'd first woken up.

*DX*

"Hunt, can you hear me?" Chyna said quietly. "Guess it doesn't matter if you can. I'm here, we all are. We're not leaving until we're sure you're ok. We'll be right here."

"Hang in Hunt." X-Pac said.

I wonder if there was anyone there for Kane after we put him in the hospital that last time? X-Pac wondered, feeling guilty because he knew there probably hadn't been.

"Hey Hunter, this is not the way to get some time off." Jessie joked, trying to lighten the mood.

All it did was earn him a glare from Chyna.

"Hunt, sweetie I'm here too." Tori said, picking up his hand and brushing it against her lips.

"Yo, Hunter we're waiting for the go ahead to kill that freak for this. Just say the word and he won't even make it to a hospital." Billy said, his anger clear in his voice.

"Can't a guy get some sleep." Hunter whispered hoarsely.

"Oh, Hunter." Tori squealed, making Hunter flinch.

"Keep it down, he's probably got a killer headache." Chyna said in a harsh whisper.

"Oh yeah," Tori said sulking.

"Billy, do it." Hunter said.

"Consider it done." Billy said. "Lets go Jess."

The two men walked out of the room.

"Hunter you can't just set them on him like that." X-Pac said, concerned that they really meant to kill his ex-partner.

"Why not kid? You still got a soft spot for him don't you?" Hunter said, finally opening his eyes as much as the swelling would allow.

"No, it's just that Vince will get pissed, he may try to break up DX." X-Pac said, trying to sound convincing.

"I'll deal with that if it happens. Now why don't you take Tori back to the hotel." He said unable to stand the sound of her false tears any longer.

"Sure, I'll take care of it." X-Pac said.

"When you see the boys tell them to dismantle him in the ring, Not in the hotel lobby." He said with a chuckle.

"No problem, I just hope I can catch them." X-Pac said.

"You keep an eye on them Chyna. I want that freak hurting twenty-four hours a day. I don't care what it takes. But I will be the one to finish him when I come back." He said, making his demand clear to the one member he fully trusted.

"You have my word." Chyna replied quietly, with an evil smirk.

"Good. Now get out of here. I'll be just fine. As long as I know he won't be." Hunter said, relaxing as he fell back to sleep.

*Kane*

Waking slowly, Kane savored the aches left over from last night's match.

I finally gave him a bit of what he's deserved for so long. He has attacked and tormented me for a long time. But last night, I finally managed to get him alone. He won't soon forget that beating. Nor will the others. Maybe they even learned a thing or two from watching it. Kane thought.

No, they are too stupid. They will come for me, try to punish me for having hurt their precious leader. I'll be ready, and they will fail. Kane decided.

Rolling out of bed. Kane ordered some breakfast, but again had trouble getting it down.

What? I thought after last night that I finally had control. Kane thought, becoming angry at his continued weakness.

Finishing his meal he changed. As he left his room to go to the gym. He saw Jessie standing in the hall.

"There you are freak. I wondered if you planned to sleep all day. We've been waiting all night for you to show yourself." He said, even as Billy, Chyna and X-Pac stepped out blocking all escape routes.

Kane just smiled behind his mask and dropped his towel along with his water bottle.

Bringing his hands up he waited for them to do something. Kane never even considered simply backing up and going into his room.

Guess you guys want to start early. No problem lets go. He thought, signaling for them to come ahead.

They moved as one, but Kane had been expecting it. He managed to sidestep X-Pac and throw his slight frame into Jessie. But Chyna and Billy got through.

While he fought them, the other two recovered and got to their feet.

X-Pac jumped on his back, while Jessie managed to get in a low blow. Their attack combined with Billy and Chyna was too much and Kane went down to one knee. From there it wasn't hard for them to get him face down on the carpet.

"This is a warning freak. You'd better ask for some time off, or better yet go and join your freakette because if you stay you will die. Do you understand?" Chyna said.

Grabbing his hair, Billy forced Kane to nod.

"Yes I do." Billy said, in an overly harsh voice.

Bastards, you think this will frighten me? Never, you've only pissed me off. Kane thought, fighting to free himself.

After smashing his face into the floor a couple of times. Billy released his hair and got up. One by one the rest of DX followed.

Kane got up and charged them, chasing them down the hall fully intending them great harm.

"Kane, What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to get the whole fed thrown out of this hotel?" Vince shouted, stepping in front of the big man.

Kane stopped just bare inches from knocking Vince flat on his ass.

I should have kept going. I bet he bounces better than Shane does. Kane thought, then he noticed the security standing nearby.

Is he having himself guarded all the time now? Oh man, have I got him scared. Kane thought happily.

Bringing his hands up, Kane just shook his head no and turned to get his dropped belongings.

Then without even looking toward Vince, he went and took the stairs down to the lobby.

Going into the gym, he was still smiling over the terrified look on Vince's face.

One guard, does he really think that will stop me if I decide to hurt him? Or is he hoping the guard will keep me busy while he runs. Kane thought, beginning his routine.

Again thoughts of J.J. infiltrated his mind. They worked in so slowly; that before he knew it he was fully immersed in the memories.

He saw them together the day of the picnic. How she'd played with him, teasing him with the grapes until he'd ended up on her lap. The soft feel of her fingertips against his lips as she fed him. How their taste was sweeter than the grapes.

Then he remembered how good it had felt to have someone care when he was hurt. To worry when he went into the ring that he might be injured.

Finally, he remembered each detail of the way she'd acted after his match with Bossman. Yelling at him, and making sure to take care of him. But most importantly he saw her expression as she'd first glimpsed his hideously damaged countenance.

She actually said I was gorgeous, just like she'd expected. He thought, hearing her words again, and feeling the tornado of emotion they'd elicited.

STOP, STOP STOP! He berated himself, pushing up off the piece of equipment and moving to the heavy bag.

He began pounding on it as he repeated the word over and over.

I will not allow this to continue! I will get control of this! Kane began repeating in a silent chant, as he nearly beat a hole in the bag.

*J.J.*

Seeing that the sun was beginning to rise J.J. got up.

I may as well get an early start. No sense sitting here and staring at the walls when I could be on my way. She thought, as she gathered together the few things she'd brought up.

Going down to the SUV, she headed over to Mike's house.

Good the car is here, and it looks like no one is up yet. J.J. thought, feeling bad for sneaking away but knowing it was for the best.

She slid the note under the wiper of Mike's car and went quickly back to the SUV.

Before long she was on the highway.

It's a good thing I left early. Otherwise I'd never get out of the city before midday. J.J. thought, remembering how bad LA traffic could get.

J.J. headed east, not really having a destination in mind. Only that it wouldn't be any city they'd be hitting soon.

Around noon, J.J. crossed the California State line into Nevada. A screaming stomach made her start looking for a rest stop with a restaurant. By one o'clock she'd found one. Pulling in she parked and opened the door. The heat assaulted her immediately.

"Damn, I'd probably have died doing that drive in the dodge." J.J. thought, smiling slightly at the thought.

Going in she ordered something small and coffee. It didn't take long to eat and soon she and several bottles of water were on the road.

As she drove, she allowed herself to remember other drives with Kane. Like the last one. She could almost see him in the passenger seat dancing to 'Faith'.

That really was hilarious. He seemed so relaxed, like he finally trusted in our love. Why did this have to happen now? If it had come along sooner it wouldn't have hurt him so much, or later maybe we'd have been strong enough to get through it. J.J. thought, torturing herself with every what if that came to mind.

No matter how many times I play it out in my head the end is always the same. You screwed up, you should have told him. Because you didn't and he heard it from somewhere else it hurt him even more than it probably would have. No way around it you ruined the best thing that ever happened to you. J.J. told herself for the hundred thousandth time since he'd walked out their hotel door.

J.J. reached into her case and pulled out the CD she'd used to teach him to dance. Listening to the songs over and over she continued to drive.

*Mike/Ron*

Mike woke and rushed to get out the door. He saw the note on his windshield as he unlocked the door. As he picked it up he recognized the writing immediately.

J.J. don't you dare have left me a suicide note. I will find your body and kill you again if you did. Mike thought, tearing the note open.

"Damn in J.J.!" Mike yelled, punching the steering wheel. "How dare you come here looking half dead. Then take off again with only this explaining what's going on."

Getting out of the car he went back into the house.

"Ron, sorry I woke you. Have you heard from J.J.?" Mike asked when Ron answered.

"No, if you hadn't called I wouldn't even have known she was back. Why?" Ron asked.

"Because she's gone again!" Mike said sounding pissed.

"Did she go back to work?" Ron asked.

"No, according to the note it turns out Vince was a major Dick. It says she's gotten itchy feet traveling for the last five months. I don't believe it. It just sounds too simple. I don't think something like an asshole boss could have made her look as bad as she did." Mike said. "She's asked us to go through the Storage area, and toss or sell what's left there. Maybe we can find some answers there?"

"When do we go?" Ron asked, eagerly.

"Unfortunately I'm already late for my shift. Can we do it later? Or would you like me to give you the combination and you can get started?" Mike asked.

"I don't have anything going on today. I think we should do this right away in case there is something there to explain this." Ron said sounding anxious.

"Ok, do you have a pen?" Mike asked, before giving him the combination to the lock.

"I'll call you if I find anything out of the ordinary." Ron said.

"You'd better." Mike replied before hanging up.

*Kane*

"Enough." Kane heard from behind.

Spinning around, he saw his brother standing there.

What the hell does he want? Does he want to be next? Kane wondered, hoping that was the case.

"Relax, I came to congratulate you. You've cut the first head from the Hydra. But this beast quickly grows another. Each time this happens, it will grow more determined to finish you. Don't be foolish enough to help it." Undertaker said, passing along a cryptic warning.

Before Kane could react at all, he was gone.

What the hell was that all about? No demands, no threats or condescension? Was that really my dear big brother or an imposter? Kane wondered, with a slowly spreading smile.

Walking out he looked around, half expecting to see Mark nearby with his minions. Kane was surprised to find he was wrong.

Heading back upstairs he showered. Then he started up the game system trying to keep his mind on anything but J.J. He mostly succeeded.

Before long it was time to leave for the next arena and another show.

As soon as he arrived, he went to wardrobe.

Stepping inside, he knocked on the doorframe. Leigh looked up.

"Hello Kane. Your shirt is all ready to go. Hang on just a second and I'll get it." She said.

It damn well better not have any more missing pieces. Kane thought, realizing he should have told them that last night.

When Leigh came out from the back. She held a bundle of red fabric out to Kane.

Opening it cautiously, he was happy to see that no further changes had been made.

Nodding, he turned and went in search of his locker room.

Going inside, he tried to decide which of the remaining DX members he wanted next.

The way I'm feeling I should take out the Outlaws. Even together they are nowhere near as strong as LOD. Yeah, I'll make that my next request. Kane thought, looking forward to seeing the look on Vince's face.

A knock on his door brought him out of his thoughts.

Opening the door, he saw Pete standing there.

He started to close the door. When Pete stepped forward and pushed by him.

Turning, Kane glared at the much smaller man.

"Don't give me that look Kane. I thought we were friends." Pete said.

We were, until you chose to try and help that woman. Kane thought, unable to even think her name without pain.

"Well, I'll get right to the point then. Considering the amount of damage you and Hunter managed to inflict on each other last night I'm here to clear you. If you are ok then you may wrestle tonight. If not, well you'll have a nice quiet night off." Pete said, sounding as if he wasn't giving Kane a choice in the matter.

I don't want a nice quiet night off. I want someone's neck in my hands don't make it yours. Kane thought, growing angry at his demands.

"You'll need to come with me to the training room. So I can get some x-rays, and get a look at you." Pete said.

Kane shook his head no and opened the door.

Out. Before I assist you through the door. Kane thought, pointing to Pete then out into the hallway.

"Sorry Kane. I have my orders. No clearance no match. Besides, since when did you stop talking to me?" Pete asked, knowing full well why he was getting the silent treatment.

Shaking his head no again, he grabbed Pete's arm none too gently and helped him through the door. Then he slammed it loudly.

"Don't do this Kane. You are only going to be pissed later." Pete said through the door.

Ignoring him, Kane picked up one of the hand held games and began to play.

Time for the staff meeting found him standing in is usual position. He listened with only half his attention on what Vince was saying. When they were dismissed Kane went back to his room and tried to relax. It was impossible and he would up wandering around the building.

*Pete/Vince*

"Vince, I went and talked to him before the meeting. He threw me out. I can't find him to try again." Pete said.

"Fine, but be prepared to do his physical after the Talent meeting. Because I'm going to refuse any request until he sees you. I don't know what's wrong with him. Maybe he's finally been hit in the head once too often. But he's really gone nuts." Vince said. "I hope you can find a cause for it, because if you can't I don't know what to do."

"I'll do what I can Vince. But I don't think it's physical. I think he's finally had it with DX. Can you blame him? They have been after him relentlessly for months now. Anyone would have lost patience by now. You know Kane never had that much patience to begin with." Pete replied.

"Just do your best. Try to calm that man down before he really kills someone." Vince said.

Nodding Pete walked out of Vince's office.

He just doesn't see it. Kane is tired of being used and abused over and over by these guys. He's finally decided that he's going to do something about it. I say more power to him. Pete thought, unable to believe that even Vince could be so callous and blind.

*Kane*

Kane got to the meeting room just a second before Vince.

Taking his place, he turned and waited for the older man to begin.

He went through his usual pre-event bullshit. Then began asking for requests.

"We want Kane tonight. He needs to pay for what he did to Hunter." Jessie said.

"Sorry, can't give him to you. He's refused to get clearance to wrestle. Until he does he won't be allowed to accept any matches!" Vince said, before Kane could reply at all.

"So that's your plan hey freak. Refuse to get cleared so we can't get our hands on you. Well it won't work. If you won't meet us in the ring we'll find you somewhere else."

What? Pete was serious? I'll get cleared! Kane thought, already stepping forward.

"Make match. Get cleared." Kane said sternly.

"Oh, now you'll get cleared now that we've pulled your punk card." Billy said.

The words had not even cleared his lips before Kane was in motion. He flew across the room and had Billy on the ground in a breath. But before he could do more than that several people pulled him off.

Still breathing hard with anger, Kane watched Billy get up and laugh at him. He lunged again but he couldn't get free of the hands holding him.

"That is enough of that shit Kane. Leave him alone and get your ass back where you belong. I still have a meeting to conduct here. Don't make me suspend you." Vince said, trying to sound menacing in the face of Kane's deadly glare.

Kane moved back to his spot, but his hands kept clenching and unclenching with controlled rage.

When the meeting was over, Kane tried to find Billy in the hall but he couldn't.

"Kane you'd better get over to see Pete. It's going to take a little while to get cleared. You wouldn't want your match cancelled." Shane said, sounding like his usual holier than thou self.

One day Shane, I will repay all the kindness you have always shown me, in triplicate. Kane thought, making himself smile.

Kane turned and headed to the training room. Walking in, he waited for Pete to notice him.

"Decided to come by after all?" Pete said, waving the other trainers out. "I'm glad."

Pete closed and locked the door before he came to stand in front of Kane.

"I'm going to need to ask you some questions and get a look at you. That means removing your mask and undressing for me. That also means you need to talk to me Kane." Pete said.

Shaking his head no, he reached for the notebook on the shelf.

"NO Kane! I want you to fucking talk to me. Vince is convinced you are out of your fucking mind. I need to know you are ok. Not just physically, talk to me. Let me know what is going on in that damn head of yours." Pete said, knowing he'd revealed more than Vince wanted him too.

Out of my mind! Yeah I am. If that means finally giving them what they've always expected of me. They say I'm insane, a monster. Well now they'll see what that really means. Kane thought, just staring at the trainer.

"Kane please. I've never done anything but try to be your friend. Talk to me let me help. Whatever it is." Pete said, hoping that if he'd open up he'd feel better.

"Vince wanted monster got one." Kane said slowly.

"No Kane, Vince is an idiot and so is anyone else who's ever called you that." Pete said, trying to push past his walls and get Kane to see reason.

NO, I'm the idiot to think that anyone could ever think I was anything else. I've tried to be human like them; it never gets me anything but pain. No more! Kane thought.

Grabbing Pete by the collar, he pinned him to the wall with one hand.

"Clear me NOW!" Kane said, using his free hand to wield the box.

Don't keep trying to reach me. I don't want your help or your pity. Just clear me so I can hurt them. Kane thought angrily.

"Kane please, don't do this. Don't let them make you do this." Pete said.

Don't let them make me into this? This is all I've been for a long time. I've been fighting it, trying to be something I'm not. I quit! I need to accept that this is all I'll ever be. All I'll ever have. He told Pete silently.

Kane just shook him for a moment and then reached for the door.

"Kane wait. If you want me to clear you, I need to take a look at you. I won't push anymore I promise." Pete said.

Fine! But keep your questions and thoughts about me to yourself. I don't want to hear them. Kane thought, releasing him.

Kane sat down and allowed Pete to perform his tests. Though he refused to remove his mask.

"Ok, that's it. You are cleared. But Kane if you need to talk I am here. I won't ever believe you, no matter how much you profess to be a monster." Pete said, as he unlocked the door.

You should believe it. I know you're smart enough to see the truth when it's right in front of you. Kane said to himself as he walked out.

Going back to his locker room Kane smiled.

So Vince thinks I'm crazy does he. He hasn't seen anything yet. Kane thought.

*J.J.*

J.J. smiled as she listened. She saw again his hesitant steps toward her once he'd decided to try. His soft gentle touches, when she put his hands on her waist.

He was trying so hard not to step on my feet. It was so cute. J.J. thought, as her mind continued the memory.

The look on his face when I told him to let the music guide him said volumes. He was so sure he wouldn't be able to do it. Then after a few minutes I'd already managed to get him to feel the rhythm and begin to take the lead. I'll never forget the look on his face when he realized he was dancing. That he was actually leading the dance. J.J. thought, smiling.

"That's one memory I will always cherish. Like the look on his face when he walked into his surprise party. I only wish I'd been able to make a real party." J.J. thought with a sigh. "I'd hoped to have the next one in LA so all the guys could come. Maybe drag him off to 'gentleman's' bar. That would have been priceless."

But that can't ever happen now. So many things I'll never get to see him do or be part of. What a fool to keep torturing myself like this. But I can't help it. God I'd do anything to turn back time and make it different. J.J. thought, berating herself yet again for being so thoughtless.

J.J. continued to drive until she began to find herself not paying attention to the road. Then she began looking for a hotel. She was surprised to find she'd gotten halfway through Nevada.


	4. losing the light Chapter 4

Chapter 4

*Ron/Mike*

Ron took the combination and went right to J.J.'s storage area.

"Please don't be in there dead or something J.J." He muttered, as he began to work the dial on the lock.

Once it was open he pulled the door up. The sight that met him was nearly as bad as finding her body.

"Shit, these are all the cameras she's owned. She purposely kept them as souvenirs even when she moved on to better models. Why the hell are they smashed on the floor like this? It doesn't look like it was done accidentally, they are to thoroughly destroyed." Ron thought, looking at the shattered glass and plastic in the middle of the floor.

Ron backed out of the room.

"I'd better not touch anything at all. Mike will know what all this means, but not if I disturb it." He decided.

He locked the door again and drove to the nearest payphone.

"Mike, its Ron. You were right. There is definitely something going on. All her cameras are completely destroyed on the floor of that room." He said.

"Did you touch anything?" Mike asked.

"Not a thing. As soon as I saw this I locked it and back up. Then I called you. I can't make heads or tails of it. But I knew you probably could. Chris could have too." He said, finishing in a whisper.

"Ok, I'm going to take some lost time. I'm sure Rice will understand. She could be in serious trouble here." Mike said. "I'll be there soon, just keep an eye on the place would you."

"I'll go back and meet you there." Ron answered.

Driving back, Ron tried unsuccessfully to think of anyone who would smash all her cameras but leave the rest of the place pretty much intact.

"Couldn't be Rick. He'd have wrecked the whole place if he could have gotten in. Besides I don't think he's out of jail yet." Ron thought, suddenly remembering the threats the creep had made against J.J.

Ron didn't have to wait long. Mike came screeching up not twenty minutes later.

"Ok, let's see what we have." Mike said, opening the door.

"You're right, this is not right. These things were not just broken, someone made sure they were well beyond that." Mike said, moving past the cameras and beginning to look at the rest of the contents.

"Looks like the only thing that was damaged was any camera equipment. Even her pictures are fine." Mike said, as he and Ron finished looking through the room.

Ron looked around one more time and saw a bag in the corner.

"Hey, these look like the blacks you usually see ringside crew wearing. If there here then she has no intention of going back." Ron said, pulling the clothes from the bag.

When he did, an envelope fell to the ground.

Mike bent down and picked it up. He opened it cautiously and pulled out the contents.

"Oh shit!" He whispered when he realized what he held.

Dropping the envelope, he began to shuffle through the papers.

"This must be it. Someone made her leave." Mike said, handing the articles to Ron.

"What is this shit? What does it have to do with J.J?" Ron asked.

"I guess you didn't know did you? I only found out because I was the one that suggested to her that she join the force. I kept trying to convince her to join, and just wouldn't let up on her. Finally she told me that the force wouldn't take her. I asked why and she told me about this. When she was a kid she was accused of killing her foster father in a fire. She didn't do it, but it really fucked up her life for a while." Mike said.

"I don't think anyone besides me and those who absolutely had to know were told. I had to practically drag the details out of her so we could give them to the board. It's hard for me to believe she would have let anyone else know anything at all." Mike continued.

"Then why would you think this has something to do with her disappearance?" Ron asked.

"Because why else would she suddenly leave a job and a guy she seemed to really love, then take off. If someone gave her these and told her to disappear she probably would." Mike said.

"So she'd do anything for this not to become known. Then why would she keep the articles?" Ron asked sounding confused.

"I don't think she did it on purpose. I think she shoved them in here to get rid of them and forgot about them." Mike said. "We really need to try and find her. She can't run from this forever."

"Where do you propose we start looking?" Ron asked.

"I have no idea. But maybe we can start at the dealership. If she kept the same plates that's a start." Mike said, hoping she had.

*Kane/X-Pac*

I can't believe Vince would tell Pete I'm insane. Is that the real reason I was checked out? Kane wondered, as he walked back toward his locker room.

I'm being watched. Kane realized.

Looking around, he saw X-Pac walking down the hall toward him.

There's Kane. I wonder if I'll be able to warn him. X-Pac thought, beginning to look around for the others.

What is with him? Kane wondered, when the smaller man began rubber necking as if he were looking for someone.

Kane looked around, half expecting to see the rest of DX laying in wait for him.

"Kane," X-Pac said, as they drew abreast of each other. "Watch yourself, Hunter wants your head. He always gets what he wants."

Good, he knows they're serious. But then again he probably already knew that. X-Pac thought, as he started to pass the big man.

On reflex, Kane reached out and grabbed the smaller man, pinning him to a wall.

Fuck! I forgot how fast his hands are. X-Pac thought, dangling from his ex-partner's slowly squeezing hand.

Then Kane glared down into his, face even as it turned red.

Keep your distance little one or you will be joining Hunter. Kane thought, trying to get his point silently across.

That's a warning if I ever saw one. X-Pac thought, opening his mouth to speak.

"Just trying to help." X-Pac choked out.

Trying to help. What help? You were part of the attack and warning yesterday. Kane thought.

Kane released him and walked away.

That was probably a mistake. X-Pac thought, rubbing his sore neck.

*Undertaker*

Undertaker tried not to laugh aloud. When he turned the corner and saw Kane with the smallest DX member pinned to a wall.

Be careful brother don't break him, Vince will be pissed. Undertaker thought, seeing X-Pac's feet were nearly a foot off the floor.

Continuing to move toward them, he watched Kane drop X-Pac and walk calmly away.

Undertaker just glared at the small man, and allowed a smile to show.

He nearly laughed, when X-Pac quickly moved down the hall and away from him.

Weak pitiful little man. Undertaker thought.

*Kane*

Getting to his locker room Kane began stretching and warming up. Surprisingly he didn't feel any of the anger he'd had yesterday.

I knew I could control it. He thought, as he shadowboxed.

Kane kept himself warm until time for his match against the Outlaws.

Walking out to gorilla position, he looked up and saw his brother standing in his path.

What the hell does he want? Kane wondered, keeping an eye on him as he walked by.

You can hardly see the wound from the lamp, and his eye is definitely fine. Wonder how long before he steps back into the ring? Kane thought.

Doesn't matter; have to deal with The Outlaws now. Kane thought, as he waited for his pyro to erupt.

When he heard the explosion, he stepped out onto the stage. Then strode down to the ring. He set off the ring posts and then paced waiting for his opponents to arrive.

Very funny, Kane thought, when their music started but they didn't step out.

*Kane/Outlaws*

Kane concentrated on the feel of the ring beneath his feet. Then when they tried to slip in behind him, he felt the subtle movement of the ring and turned to face them.

Fuck how did he do that? Billy wondered, shocked when Kane turned around.

Hello guys, did you really think I'd fall for that? Kane thought, stepping forward and snaring Jessie by the hair before either could react.

Shit, Jessie thought, when the big man snatched him up.

Jessie brought his foot up into Kane's midsection. It was enough to get Kane's grip loosened just a bit. Jessie pulled free and aimed a straight right for Kane's face.

Kane blocked the blow and gave Jessie one of his own.

That's it Jess, keep him distracted for just another second. Billy thought, as he slipped behind the big man.

Kane drew back for another shot and felt someone jump on his back.

Got you. Billy thought, beginning to punch Kane in the back of the head.

Damn it Billy. Kane thought, reaching over his head and grabbing Billy by the back of his neck.

Kane got Billy halfway over his shoulder, when Jessie kicked him in the knee.

Lifting Billy, Kane threw him at his partner, taking both men down.

Damn it, I can't believe that didn't work. Billy thought, getting back to his feet.

Kane grabbed Billy again and hoisted him up for a sidewalk slam.

I really hate that. The small blonde thought, as the air was driven from his lungs.

Bouncing off the ropes, Jessie tried to take Kane off his feet even as he got back up.

Get off him you freak. Jessie thought, as he ran toward the bigger man.

Still off balance, Kane stumbled when the smaller man impacted with him.

Righting himself, Kane reached for a handful of braids but missed. He suddenly found himself flipping backward, out over the top rope.

Getting up, he saw both men coming over after him.

Their combined weight and added momentum took Kane down hard.

Well this isn't as easy as I thought. Kane thought, with a rueful smile.

I underestimated them. But they will still lose this match. He thought, even as he got back to his feet and pushed them away.

Grabbing Billy, he propelled him forcefully into the steel ring steps. Then turned his attention to Jessie.

Good, that's it follow me you retard. Jessie thought, trying to look scared as he ran from Kane.

Run you little jerk, you still won't get…Kane started to think, then suddenly found himself staring up at the roof of the arena.

Great timing as usual Chyna dear. Jessie thought, as he watched Kane land hard on his back.

What the hell! Kane thought, even as Billy and Jessie entered his line of sight and began to kick him.

Rolling over, Kane got to his feet and grabbed them both. He brought their heads together with a resounding thunk.

Holding them upright. He was about to repeat their meeting, when a sudden pain in his groin alerted him to Chyna's presence.

When did the bitch join the fray? Kane wondered, dropping his opponents.

Kane covered his tender crotch with a silent moan of pain.

Chyna stood up and made a grab for the distracted Kane. But before she could get her hands on him he recovered.

Reaching out, he took a handful of the Ninth Wonder's hair and launched her into the audience. Then he turned his attention back to his real opponents.

They were both on their feet by now. Jessie ran toward him, only to meet a boot with his face. Billy tried an attack from behind, but met an even worse fate as he was sent careening into the announcer's table.

Kane advanced on Billy, as he got slowly to his feet. Looking at J.R. and Ventura, he grabbed the smaller man by the throat and raised him up one handed. Both announcers quickly cleared the table an instant before Billy's body shattered it, via a choke slam from Kane.

One down, I should have time to deal with the other before this one gets up. Kane thought, walking toward a slowly rising Jessie.

Oh man X-Pac where the hell are you. You should have been here by now. Jessie thought, watching the large man walk calmly toward him.

Standing up Jessie went quickly on the offensive. He attacked Kane with wild desperation.

Kane allowed Jessie to get in a few shots. Then he pounded on him a bit and flung him back into the ring.

Now to finish this before Chyna and Billy regroup enough to be a problem. I wonder where X-Pac is? Kane thought, as he climbed to the top rope.

Oh shit, no way. Jess thought. I am not going to get nailed with that damn flying lariat.

As Kane came down, Jessie closed his eyes and jumped. Nailing Kane with a drop kick as he came down.

Flying backward, Kane landed harshly on his back.

Can't breathe. He thought, clawing at his throat.

I must have gotten his throat with that kick. Better than I thought, Hunter will love it. Jessie thought, as he went for the cover.

Hearing the second thud of the three count, Kane moved, rolling onto his side despite Jessie's weight on his chest.

Shit! I should have had him. Jessie thought, getting frustrated.

Still fighting to breathe, Kane got to his feet and squared off against his smaller opponent.

This should do some damage. Jessie thought.

Jessie ran at him knocking him back into a corner. Then followed up with another drop kick. Just before impact he separated his feet, aiming one for Kane's sternum and the other for his throat.

He's going for my throat on purpose. Kane thought, as the blow landed painfully below his chin.

Kane's head snapped back with the strength of the kick and again his wind was cut off. He gasped as the kick drove all the air from his lungs. While at the same time prevented him from getting air back into them.

Suddenly from behind, he felt something wrap around his neck. He reached up trying to get his hand under it, but was too late.

About time you did something usefully Tori. Jessie thought, as he saw her wrap the towel around Kane's neck and then hang all her weight off of it.

Kane clawed at what he now knew to be a towel, trying to pull it forward, or reach the person holding it. Neither action succeeded. He saw Jessie, Billy and Chyna advancing, even as lack of oxygen began making him dizzy.

Something tells me this is not going to be good. Kane thought, beginning to lose consciousness even while he heard the bell ringing wildly.

*DX*

"Where the hell is X-Pac. He was supposed to come out there with you." Jessie asked Chyna once they got back to the locker room.

"I don't know. You remember he went to get something just before your match. He didn't come back." Chyna replied. "I didn't have time to go looking for him."

"Well I'll damn well find him now. He's screwed up for the last time. I'm going to kick his ass." Jess said, as he left the locker room.

"You'd better go with him Billy. Hunter will be pissed if he hurts the kid." Chyna said.

"Right, at least until he says we can." Billy said sarcastically.

*J.J.*

Getting settled in her hotel, J.J. wondered whether to continue tomorrow or stay here until after tomorrow's event.

Guess I decide in the morning. She thought, as she got ready for a much needed nights sleep.

"Mike will have seen the note and knowing him, he's already searched the storage area for some sign of where I went. I don't think I left him one. He's bound to be pissed that I took off. Someday I'll have to explain it all. But not yet, not now." J.J. thought, crawling into bed and closing her eyes.

Waking up the next morning, J.J. decided to take a look around the town before moving on.

This place is small. J.J. thought, seeing that she was in the only hotel. It almost seems like the town grew around a rest area.

Reaching up, J.J. unconsciously caressed the pendant with her fingertips as she walked.

This is just like that little place in Texas where we stopped that first time we traveled together. That woman had half the town there before we'd finished eating. He looked so surprised that they would bother to come for him. J.J. thought, still amazed that he didn't seem to know how well liked he was by the fans.

Walking around a bit longer, J.J. realized that there was nothing here for her and headed back to the hotel.

Getting behind the wheel of her SUV. J.J. started it up and headed out of town.

She drove for most of the day; finally stopping when hunger and exhaustion forced her too. She spent the next couple of days in much the same way, never finding a reason to stay.

*Kane*

Where the hell am I? Kane wondered, as he felt hands probing his throat.

Sucking in a huge breath, he relished the feel of it passing through his throat. Even though it brought with it pain.

Not as bad as after the fire, but definitely not the way breathing is supposed to feel. He thought, opening his eyes.

Reaching out, he began pushing away the hands as he fought to sit up.

"Oh no you don't big guy. Don't you move until we find out how bad this throat is!" Kane heard Pete say from just above his head.

Looking up he saw the trainer.

Leave off Pete. You know I won't allow this. Kane thought, tearing himself free of the hands holding him and sitting up.

After another second he was on his feet.

"Kane damn it. Get your big red ass back on that table or so help me I am going to have every able bodied person here put you back on it." Pete yelled, trying to look like he'd really do it.

He wouldn't dare. Kane thought, already moving away and toward the door.

"Kane!" Pete called after him.

It was no use; Kane didn't even look back. He just walked away.

Getting to his locker room, Kane began stripping off his ring gear as he walked back to the shower. Turning it on, he waited until the room began filling with steam before he stepped beneath the spray.

Leaning against the wall, he allowed the hot water to ease the aches.

Somehow this is making it even harder to breathe. Kane thought, noticing again how bad each breath felt.

Finishing his shower he toweled off. As he brought the towel down his throat he felt the well know sensation of pressure on new bruises.

Damn, guess they did a better job on me than I'd thought they could. I'll have to remember this the next time I face one of the little bastards. They think they can pay me back for Hunter. All they are really doing is building a debt for themselves. Kane smiled, as he dressed.

Slipping his mask on, he noticed for the first time soreness to the back of his neck too.

Going into the other room he looked at his neck and saw some abrasions and one huge bruise forming across his whole throat.

I'll have to get a look at the footage of this match so I can see what happened. Last thing I remember is climbing the ropes for a lariat. Kane thought to himself, while heading for his rental.

*DX*

"Shit, what the hell happened to him." Jessie asked, when he saw the unconscious body of X-Pac lying on the ground behind the arena.

"Why would he come out here? This doesn't make sense." Billy said, as both men ran to their fallen teammate.

When they reached him, they were relieved to see his steady breathing.

"He doesn't look too bad. No blood anyway." Billy said, as he knelt down.

"Good, you watch him I'll get help. With his neck we can't take any chances." Jessie said, turning to run back inside.

Arriving moments later with the EMT crew, Jessie saw that X-Pac was beginning to come around.

They quickly got him ready to be moved and brought him inside.

Once back inside X-Pac began to really come awake. He fought them a bit until he realized who they were.

"What happened Kid?" Billy asked.

"Don't know, I went to get a soda and woke up here." X-Pac replied sounding confused.

"Billy get the security tape." Chyna ordered, bringing her presence to everyone's attention. "And get these damn cameras out of here."

She began to assist the camera crew out of the training office.

*Kane*

Back at the hotel Kane changed.

Don't really feel like doing much. Guess I'll veg. Yeah that's what J.J. called it. He thought, surprised that the memory didn't make him feel anything.

Getting past it already. I knew it wouldn't take long. He thought.

Kane grabbed a bottle of water and turned on the TV. He flipped through the channels, until he came across a football game.

Better than staring at the blank screen I guess. He decided.

Before long his water was gone. When he got up to get another, he looked at the bar for a while but then decided against it.

No, It wouldn't do any good. Kane told himself, grabbing another bottle of water.

Sitting back down, he tried to lose himself in the action on the screen but he couldn't.

Enough, I'm too tired to care who wins this stupid game. Kane thought, getting up and heading into the bedroom.

Lying down, he couldn't get comfortable. All his usual sleeping positions put pressure on his neck and throat. That only made it more difficult to breathe.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, he managed to doze off.

***Dreaming***

Where am I? Kane wondered, not recognizing his surroundings.

Spinning around he tried to find some landmark, something to tell him where he was. Then he saw it. He was in an arena, but not one he could place. He found himself at gorilla position waiting.

"Go already, you're late and your pyro has already hit." He heard, but never saw the speaker.

Walking down the ramp, he felt his hands begin to shake.

Lying in bed he began to tremble, his face beginning to glisten with sweat.

That's an inferno match setup? I told Vince I wouldn't do that again, not ever. Kane thought, trying not to show any fear.

Sweat ran down his face and neck, getting heavier with every step he took.

Thrashing in bed, he dislodged the sheets sending them to a heap on the floor.

Why is it taking so long to get to the ring? I should have been there ten times by now. Kane thought, realizing he was still only halfway down the ramp.

Looking around, he noticed that the arena was pitch black, but he could hear the fans screaming.

I must be first. He said to himself, as he noticed that the ring was empty.

As he finally got closer, he saw that the announcer's table was empty.

What the hell is going on? How can I be in a match without announcers? Kane thought, growing nervous.

Stepping through the ropes, he heard the crowd roar when he set off the ring posts.

Something is wrong! He thought, beginning to feel real fear when the ring began to be encircled by flames.

This isn't right. Where is my opponent? Kane thought, looking anxiously toward the ramp.

The flame grew higher and higher, but still there was no sign of anyone else there at all.

Shit, I haven't seen anyone at all. Even at gorilla position I only heard a voice. I'm alone and the flames are still rising. Kane realized, moving to the middle of the ring.

As the flames grew, Kane began to sweat more and more.

Lying still now upon the bed, his breathing became increasingly labored, and harsh.

I can't breathe. It's not smoke because there isn't much of that. But the fire is using up all the oxygen. I have to get out of here. Kane thought, starting to panic.

Pacing the ring, Kane tried to find some way through the flames.

They're taller than I am now. No way I can jump over them. Kane worried, approaching the towering inferno that engulfed the ropes.

He watched the ropes themselves melt and snap, sending the loose ends flying into the ring.

Dodging another destroyed rope Kane fell to his knees.

Air, I have to get some air. He thought, fighting with all his strength for every breath.

Moving violently on the mattress, Kane clawed at his throat, desperate for his next gasp of air.

Kane ducked, as yet another rope snapped.

"Lie down, the air is cooler near the mat." Kane heard.

Looking around, he tried to find the speaker but saw no one.

I don't have a choice. Kane thought, as spots began to appear in is sight.

"Just lie down, right in the center. That's good." He heard, still unable to locate the source.

Lying still now on soaked sheets, Kane continued to fight for air.

"Now slowly breathe in and then out. Take your time, don't fight just relax." He heard.

That voice I know that voice. Kane thought, to busy fighting to place it.

"Don't fight, just let it come! You can do it!" The once soft voice shouted.

He clawed at the sheets beneath him, even as his hands clawed the mat in the dream.

That's J.J. Kane realized suddenly, his fists clenched with anger.

"Calmly, In one-two-three… Then Out one-two-three." He heard.

Concentrating on her voice, he allowed himself to follow her instructions.

He relaxed slightly and his breathing did ease a little. As he lay there his sweat still soaking into his sheets.

"That's it, just let it come. The air is there, you just have to take your time." J.J. said quietly.

Kane lay there, staring at the flames. While counting each breath in and out as she had told him to.

They're getting closer! Kane thought, watching as the flames moved.

J.J. Where are you? Get these things turned off! Kane cried silently.

He heard nothing from the outside anymore.

She left me here to burn? How could she do that? Kane thought, watching as the flames inched closer and closer.

He began to feel the heat against his skin, as the flames moved closer still.

On the bed, his large frame began to shake and tremble violently.

Not again, oh please not again! Anything but fire! Any death but this! Kane screamed silently, desperately, as he saw smoke begin to rise from his clothing.

Just as the flames began to actually reach for him they disappeared.

"Sorry I couldn't find the switch." He heard from far away, then nothing.

Standing up, he looked down at the torched mat. It was completely destroyed except where he'd lain.

Kane quickly moved out of the ring.

***End dream***

Waking with a silent cry, Kane found himself on the floor beside his bed.

Sitting up he tried to stop the constant shaking within his body and in his hands.

Getting to his knees, he found that he was still having trouble breathing. It was as if he were getting no air at all. The harder he fought to breathe the less air he seemed to get.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed he concentrated on slowing his breathing.

It worked in the dream maybe it will work here too. He thought, counting the breaths.

Finally, he felt like he could breathe again. He got up and headed into the bathroom for a much-needed shower.

What the fuck was that? Shit it was so real. Why was she there? In the dream did she cause it or save me from it? Kane wondered, hoping that some answer could erase the dream and keep it away forever.

Lying down again later, he wasn't sure he wanted to sleep.

It must be from the injury today. The swelling caused me to have trouble breathing, and that combined with something else caused the dream. It was nothing. He said to himself.

I have the next two days off. By the time I go back everything will be fine. Kane decided

*J.J.*

Waking up the next morning, J.J. was feeling lazy and decided that she'd driven far enough for now.

Tonight's the next event. I don't want to miss that. J.J. decided.

Going down to the desk, she reserved the room for the next two days.

That should give me time to decide if I want to hang here for a while. Looks like a nice enough place. I should be able to find some kind of work here, maybe. If not well there is always back on the road. J.J. thought with a laugh.

She spent the day wondering the streets, checking out different places. Her practiced eye spotted several ideal locations for shots.

Even thinking about taking pictures is making me feel down. I have to break the habit of seeing things like I would through a camera. J.J. said to herself, as she continued to walk.

Finally getting tired of walking and a little hungry, J.J. stopped into a small restaurant.

"Are you the designer?" A gentleman asked, the second she walked in.

"Um, no. I was just looking for someplace to eat. Are you open?" She asked.

"Shit! That's the second time She's blown me off. Maybe this is a bad idea." He said loudly, smacking his hand down against the bar.

J.J. flinched at his outburst and took a step back.

"Oh ma'am I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you. It's just that we've been trying to get this place made over and every decorator we hire either blows us off or won't listen." He started, almost babbling. "My name's Roger Panne, most round here call me Rog. Why don't you have a seat? Lunch is on me for scaring you half to death then dumping my frustration in your lap."

J.J. sat down and looked at the older man.

He must be about fifty I'd say. Judging by those laugh lines he's been a happy man. Eyes are friendly and open that's good. Even with the frustration he seems to be feeling he give off a feeling of friendliness that is very welcoming. J.J. thought, as she took a seat.

"That's really not necessary. I just wasn't expecting it. I'm J.J." She replied, taking his offered hand. "If you don't mind me asking, if one of your concerns is that they don't listen why don't you do it yourself."

"Because I'd do something like make the place into a shrine to football. I don't think my wife would like that one bit." He laughed.

"It's a restaurant not a sports bar." He said in a high-pitched voice, obviously trying to imitate his wife.

J.J. laughed at his facial expression and hand gestures as he spoke.

"It can't be all that hard. You and she collaborate and decide what you want. That way you are both comfortable here. Hell, I'm sure you'd just love to work in a place with lace table cloths and food you can't pronounce." J.J. said, making him laugh this time.

"Rog are you flirting again." J.J. heard.

"No way Sandy, you are the only one for me." He said, bowing slightly as if she were royalty.

"My love this is J.J." Roger said, introducing J.J. to his wife.

"Nice to meet you?" She said, looking slightly confused.

"Has the decorator arrived yet?" Sandy asked.

"No, we've been stood up again. This poor young lady had the unfortunate distinction of taking some of my frustration." Roger said sheepishly.

"Well then we'd better feed her to keep her from thinking badly of us." Sandy said, smacking Roger in the back of the head.

J.J. laughed, but her heart tore a little seeing their easy relationship.

We used to be like that. J.J. thought sadly. Would we still have been the same at their ages?

"I told Roger it wasn't necessary. It's really no problem. I know how frustrating it can be. When someone else holds up something you need done." J.J. said, waving off their offer.

"She was just telling me that we ought to do it ourselves. That we should kinda discuss what we'd want and not want. That way the place suits us." He said sounding intrigued by the idea.

"We wouldn't have any idea what goes with what. We'd end up with a mish mash of everything under the sun." Sandy said with a very warm smile.

"That's not necessarily a bad thing. Eclectic is cool too." J.J. said.

"Are you sure you're not the decorator? You sure sound like one." Rog laughed, draping his arm casually around Sandy.

"No, I'm not a decorator. I took some photography classes in college. It's pretty much the same thing. It's all in making the most of your negative space and making what is there work for you not against you." J.J. said with a shrug.

"Ok, you've lost me already." Sandy said.

J.J. just laughed.

"I think I lost me too." She added.

This broke up both of them.

"I'll tell you what, while we feed you why don't you try to explain what you meant. Maybe we'll be able to take that and make a beginning." Rog said, as Sandy headed off into the kitchen.

I have nothing better to do and they seem really nice. J.J. thought, enjoying their easy laughter.

A few minutes later Sandy brought out an assortment of foodstuffs. The all started snacking while J.J. talked.

"Let me ask you. Are you redecorating or was this design left over from the previous owners?" J.J. asked.

"Left over." They both said.

"Ok, but you've decided to keep the place open until you start changes or will you keep it open during changes." J.J. asked.

"What's the difference?" Rog asked.

"The main difference is whether or not you can do structural changes, paint, walls and the like. If you intend to stay open throughout those will be tough." J.J. said.

"We really haven't thought about that. We wanted to get some ideas from the designer before we made that decision." Sandy said.

"Ok, if this stuff is left over is there anything you like about it?" J.J. asked.

It's like a picture. First you find the subject then you build around that, so that everything compliments it. J.J. thought.

"I'm not sure I understand why that matters." Roger said, sounding unsure.

"Think of it like this. If it were a picture we'd start with the subject and build around it. It's not exactly the same thing but close. We need to decide what you want as the centerpiece of the room. Is it something that's already here or is there something you have in mind?" J.J. asked.

"Ok, you're hired." They both said laughing.

"But I'm not a decorator, I don't really know how to do this." J.J. protested.

"You sound like you'll do better than us. You ask us questions instead of telling us what we should do. I don't know about Sandy but I like that a lot." Rog said.

"Me too." Sandy said. "That is unless you're too busy. I mean hell, I don't even know what you do for a living."

"I guess I'm your assistant?" J.J. said with a shrug and a smile.

Rog just started laughing.

"Seriously what do you do?" Rog asked.

"Not much, I'm kinda wandering right now. Just left a job and decided to hit the road for a bit." J.J. answered.

"Were you even looking for work?" Sandy asked.

"Yes and no. Looking around to see if anything seemed interesting. But if I didn't find anything I'd just move down the road." J.J. replied.

Roger looked at her skeptically and a little suspiciously.

I'd better say something or they are going to think I'm up to no good. J.J. realized by the look that came over their faces.

"Ok, you got me. I used to work forensics in LA. I got tired of looking at dead bodies." J.J. said. "I'd rather you didn't call them, but if you really need to I'll give you the station number. This way you can get the phone number yourselves. So you know I don't have you calling some friend of mine to vouch for me. By the way J.J. stands for Jayla Jaston, so you can give them the right name."

Damn this sucks. I can't use Vince as a reference because they'll find out I'm a photographer. Hell, if they call the station they'll find that out and Mike will know where I am. Maybe this was a bad idea all together. J.J. thought.

"Why don't I go? You can talk and call me at the Red Roof if you need to talk to me. Either way it was great to meet you both. A real blast." J.J. said, getting up to go.


	5. losing the light Chapter 5

Chapter 5

*Sandy/Roger*

"So what do you think?" Sandy asked, once J.J. had left.

"She seems nice enough. It's not like we have a sign outside that advertises we're hiring or for what so she couldn't be setting us up that way." Roger replied. "But she seemed to freeze up when we started asking questions about her."

"It just seems odd that she'd be exactly what we're looking for and have just come off the streets. It's even more suspicious that she has no job and is staying at a hotel?" Sandy said. "Maybe we should get the information from her."

"Better yet. Why not call California. They must have a record of state employees. We could find out that way and she'd never know." Roger said.

"That is better. Then we'd know for sure that it wasn't a setup." Sandy said. "But I have to say I really do like her. It's like I've known her for a lot longer than an afternoon."

"I feel the same way, besides she really seems to know her stuff." Roger said.

Roger got on the phone to the California State police and gave the name and description of J.J.

"What I'm looking for is if this person is who they say they are and whether she is trustworthy." Roger said once he had the right person on the line.

"California is a very large state sir. I will take some time to locate the information you are seeking." The officer said.

"If it helps any she said she worked Forensics in LA." Roger told the officer.

"Actually that will help a lot. If she told you the right department and county that is." He replied.

"Well if she didn't, I guess I still have my answer don't I." Roger said, with a laugh.

"Yes you probably do." The officer replied.

Roger gave his number and was told it would take at least twenty-four hours.

"All we can do now is wait." Roger said to Sandy once he'd hung up.

"Yeah, I find myself hoping she was being honest." She said, sounding hopeful.

*J.J.*

Getting back to the hotel J.J. changed and went down to the hotel gym. Going through her routine she tried to keep Kane out of her mind but failed miserably.

I don't know why I bother. Everything I see either reminds me of him somehow. Or else I want him to see it. I should just give up and accept it. J.J. told herself.

Once she was done, she headed back upstairs and showered. Sitting down she began to flip through the photos.

After a while she began gathering the pictures together. She put them carefully back in the envelope.

I need to put them in some kind of album so I don't ruin them. J.J. thought.

Then she sat anxiously waiting for the event to begin.

I hope he's all right after the cage match. That looked absolutely brutal. J.J. thought, knowing that he wouldn't let Pete near him.

Finally, J.J. thought, as the beginning credits rolled.

Sitting on the edge of the couch she stared at the screen waiting for the moment when she would see him.

She chewed her nails as she watched the other matches. Each time they mentioned Kane's name she felt her heart clench.

Please let his match be next. J.J. thought, as each match ended.

Then Kane's pyro hit.

J.J. whimpered, falling to her knees on the floor in front of the set she stared.

He doesn't look bad. Maybe he really wasn't hurt in that cage match. J.J. thought hopefully.

Her eyes never left him as he readied and set off the ring posts.

Oh shit they're playing games again. J.J. thought when the Outlaws didn't show up with their music.

They're up to something baby. Watch for them. J.J. thought, watching for any sign of the duo coming from the audience.

Then she saw them.

Kane they're coming from behind. Please see them. J.J. pleaded silently.

J.J. smiled when he turned and faced them.

You were already waiting for it weren't you? J.J. thought, proud that he'd seen through their games.

Her emotions were going crazy, as she watched him fight the two smaller men.

She was thrilled when he was getting the better of them. Then fearful and angry when they cheated and double-teamed him. J.J. winced when Chyna hit the low blow. Then cheered as he sent her into the audience.

Her heart nearly stopped when she saw Jessie hit the drop kick as Kane came down from the top rope.

Oh shit, that could have done some serious damage. J.J. thought, fearing for his safety.

Watching Kane claw at his throat and struggle to breathe nearly had her going insane.

You bastard, how dare you try to injure him. J.J. thought, seeing the braided Outlaw dropkick him again obviously going for the throat.

You fucking bitch, I will tear you apart. J.J. thought, as she watched Tori choke the life out of the man she loved.

You will all pay for this. She thought, her rage almost boiling over.

She watched Chyna, Billy and Jessie begin to hit Kane even as he went limp from lack of oxygen.

Getting up J.J. paced the room angrily.

"One of these days you are all going to realize the mistake you've made messing with him. Sooner rather than later I think, considering the way he's been acting." J.J. muttered, as she paced and kicked furniture.

"It's late but I have to call Pete and make sure he's ok." J.J. thought, suddenly remembering she had the number.

Picking up the phone she dialed and continued to pace as it rang.

"Pete." She said, as soon as it was picked up.

"What took you so long? The match ended twenty minutes ago." Pete said laughing.

"You were expecting me to call this late?" J.J. asked surprised.

"Not really, I expected it as soon as his match ended." Pete said.

"I'm glad I'm not bothering you. But please tell me how he's doing." J.J. said.

"Well enough to get off my table and push four people aside on the way out the door." Pete said.

J.J. could hear his smile through the phone.

"You think that's funny." J.J. asked.

"Yeah actually I do. But I have to say I'm worried about him. Vince made me clear him for action before this match. He didn't want me to. I forced the issue and tried to get him to open up to me. J.J. he's not right. When I asked him why he was behaving this way he said, 'Vince wanted monster got one.' I don't like it." Pete said sounding very worried.

"That doesn't sound good at all. He's pushing people away again. Damn it! Don't let him do it. Pete you have to keep trying." J.J. said sounding desperate.

"I am. I won't quit and like I told him I'll never believe he's a monster no matter how hard he tries to convince himself that he is." Pete replied.

"That makes me feel a little better. I really fucked this up didn't I?" J.J. said.

"I still don't understand what happened." Pete said.

"I can't tell you that. You knowing wouldn't make any difference." J.J. said.

"Ok, I'll have to take your word for that." Pete said. "So how are you?"

"I'm fine. No problems here." J.J. said.

"Why don't I believe you?" Pete said. "You know you can talk to me J.J. My promise will stand no matter what happens or what you say."

"I know, but there isn't anything to tell you." J.J. said.

"Ok, but remember what I said. If you need to talk." Pete said.

"I will." She said before hanging up.

It took a couple hours, but she eventually managed to calm herself enough to try and go to bed.

**** Dreaming***

J.J. felt a large hand wrap around hers. Looking up she smiled at the look in Kane's eyes.

He looks so happy. I love to see that sparkle in his eyes. J.J. thought.

Squeezing his hand she watched him laugh. Then felt him pull her into a strong embrace.

He held her tightly, but then she felt his laugher stop.

She began to panic.

He's leaving; he's going to walk away. J.J. thought, desperately tightening her hold on him.

Lying in bed she curled up practically squeezing the stuffing from the pillow she held.

Don't go! Please don't go. J.J. thought, feeling him begin to pull away.

Looking up into his eyes she saw the sparkle fade.

"Kane please." J.J. said, still trying to hold him.

She watched his eyes fill with tears. Then as he pulled free of her grasp his eyes went blank.

"I should never have tried to cage the monster. He is the real me, not this." Kane said, backing away from J.J.

"No Kane I'll never believe that." J.J. shouted.

J.J. whimpered one word over and over as she reached out in her sleep. "No"

"Believe it." He said looking at her.

She saw his eyes flash flames, then absolute rage.

"I never should have believed it could be any different." He said, before turning to walk away.

"Please don't let my stupidity make you quit." J.J. cried as he walked away. "Please I'm begging you don't let this stop you from being happy."

J.J. backed up until she hit a wall, then slid down onto the floor. She curled up crying even before his retreating figure was out of sight.

Still asleep the tears were still rolling down her cheeks soaking her pillow.

How can I make him see that he's more wonderful than anyone else I've ever met? He needs to understand that I'm the problem not him. He has to try again, find someone who can make him happy. J.J. thought, bringing her head back against the wall as if to shake an answer loose.

***End Dream***

"Ow," J.J. said, opening her eyes and realizing she'd banged her head on the headboard.

Rolling over, she laid there staring at the ceiling trying to find some answer to her dream question.

*Kane*

Waking up the next morning Kane rolled out of bed. Finding the sheets on the floor he remembered the dream.

I still don't understand why I would dream something like that. It doesn't make any sense at all. Oh hell, it doesn't matter anyway, it was just a dream. Kane told himself getting up.

He dressed and went down to have his workout. As he went through his usual routine he found himself getting short of breath.

What the hell? Did Jessie actually manage to do some damage last night? Kane wondered, trying to ignore the discomfort and continue his sets.

By the time he'd finished, he was really struggling to get air.

I can't let anyone see me like this. No way I can let them know how weak I am right now. Kane thought, hurrying upstairs while trying not to be seen.

Once back in his room, he sat down and carefully slowed his breathing until it was normal again. Then he went to shower.

Sitting down to eat, he thought about the times since the match when he'd had problem.

Not counting the dream it's been whenever I've exerted or the air has been overly warm. I'm sure it is just swelling from the bruises. Once they begin to heal it will be fine. He decided.

Taking it easy the rest of the day he found himself easily able to block thoughts of her from his mind. Simply pushing them away when they began to intrude.

*DX*

"Are you sure you don't remember seeing anything or anyone?" Chyna asked, as she queued up the tape.

"Not a thing. I went to get a soda and suddenly I was strapped on a gurney." X-Pac said, still nursing a killer headache.

"Well, Pete said no concussion so you're lucky." Billy said.

"Lets just see what's on the tape. It has to show who attacked him." Jessie said.

They sat back and watched the tape. It showed X-Pac walking up to the table laden with drinks. Then a shadow separated from the background. It moved swiftly to the small man and clubbed him from behind. Then easily picked him up.

"Oh Fuck that can only be Undertaker. No one else is that big." Jess shouted, as the form picked up their teammate.

Then the figure turned around. He paused and looked up at the camera as if just noticing it. Still looking into the camera Undertaker smiled.

"What the hell is going on here? Why is he involved?" Chyna asked mostly to herself.

"Stay here. I'll be back in a bit." Chyna said to the others.

"What are you talking about? We're not kids here." Billy said sounding angry.

"Just stay here. I don't want Undertaker's crew knowing we have this information, and I don't want them getting their hands on anyone else." She said with a lot of authority.

"Fine." Billy mumbled.

Chyna walked out of the room and quickly down to the lobby.

*Sandy/Roger*

Roger was bringing up a case of beer from the basement when he heard the phone ring.

Putting down the box he quickly answered it.

"Mr. Panne?" The voice asked.

"That's me." Roger replied.

"This is Officer Dani from the California State police." The voice informed him.

"Yes sir, I've been expecting your call." Roger said, anxious to hear what the officer had to say.

"Well it seems we do have a Jayla Jaston on file. She meets the description you gave and she did work Forensics. Though without as social security number we can't be positive." The officer said.

"That's great. I really do appreciate all your help." Roger said.

"Glad to be of assistance." He said hanging up.

"Sandy," Roger called out.

"What is it love?" Sandy called from the kitchen.

"That was California. Seems J.J. is who she says she is. We need to call her before she decides to take off again." He yelled sounding happy.

"I had a good feeling about her. But we had to be sure." Sandy said as she joined Rog in the main room.

"J.J." Rog said, after getting connected to the room.

"Yes." J.J. said.

"It's Roger and Sandy. We wanted to know when you could start." Roger laughed.

"How about tomorrow?" J.J. said, already looking forward to the activity.

"That would be great." Roger replied. "Guess we'll see you then."

*Hunter*

"Hunter, we may have a problem." Chyna said.

"Yeah what?" Hunter asked, turning his head to look at her.

"Looks like the freak's brother is showing an interest in protecting him." Chyna said, putting the tape in the machine.

"What do you mean?" Hunter asked.

"Well I'm assuming you saw the show last night." Chyna said.

"Yeah, tell Jess good job on those drop kicks. Oh and tell Tori good job too. The towel was inspired." Hunter said. "So what's on the tape?"

"The reason why X-Pac didn't make his planned appearance and the evidence of our possible problem." She replied, starting the tape.

"Son of a Bitch." Hunter shouted as the tape ended. "I can't believe it. Why would he get involved?"

"I don't know. But it's right there. The way he faced the camera and smiled it looks like he wanted us to know it was him. Maybe it is a one time thing, but I knew you'd want to be kept in the loop." She said.

"I'd damn well better be. I am the leader of this little group after all." He said sounding pissed. "Here's what's going to happen. Undertaker keeps getting involved we'll deal with him. In the mean time call in some favors. Everyone takes their shot at the freak. His brother can't possibly stop everyone. Half the fed owes us for some reason or another."

Chyna laughed.

"How many favors do you want called in?" She asked.

"Start with half. That should be good enough to find out what's going on. But make sure they know what I want." He said sternly.

"Oh don't worry about that, I'll be sure they understand completely." Chyna said laughing.

*J.J.*

Waking up the next morning J.J. rolled out of bed. Going into her bags, she tried to find something to wear for her first day on the job.

I guess it doesn't really matter, because I'm likely going to be getting dirty. J.J. decided, pulling out a pair of jeans and an oversized shirt.

She ordered some coffee and then showered while she waited for it to arrive.

She drank a cup, while she tried to decide how exactly she was going to redecorate a restaurant/bar without having any idea where to start.

Oh hell, quit stalling and get you butt moving. If it doesn't work out they can fire you. J.J. told herself, as she forced herself to her feet.

Walking down the street, J.J. tried to get her head around what was happening.

I can't believe I found work so easily. The first place I really stopped and I found a job. That's really amazing. J.J. thought. Besides they are both really nice.

Getting to her destination, she noticed the name for the first time.

"Stepping Stone." J.J. read, "Well that's appropriate."

Stepping inside she was greeted with the smells of frying bacon and fresh coffee.

"Hello?" She called out.

"Come on back J.J." She heard from the back.

Going into the back room, she saw them sitting at the kitchen counter.

They're sitting close together even though there is plenty of room. J.J. noticed, trying to keep her heart from shredding. We always did that too.

"What's up?" J.J. asked, trying to keep her voice from cracking.

"Breakfast." Roger said, "Sandy makes a hell of a meal."

"Oh stop it." Sandy said, smacking him lightly on the arm.

"Grab a plate." Roger said, smiling as he ignored his wife's attack.

"Thanks, but I'll just have some coffee." J.J. said, as she reached for a mug.

They sat together and continued to discuss what kind of atmosphere and attitude they wanted the finished restaurant to give.

With breakfast finished, J.J. moved into the main room and let Roger and Sandy pick out some of the things they definitely wanted to keep.

They want friendly and quiet, but someplace people want to come back to. That sounds like Mario's. J.J. thought, knowing that this had to be different than his place.

With their initial ideas in mind, she set about making some general drawings.

I never in my life thought those elective drawing classes would do me any good at all. J.J. thought.

"Wow, those look good already." Sandy said, looking over her shoulder.

"Not really, but they'll do." J.J. said, continuing to work.

J.J. spent several hours in this way. Talking to Roger and Sandy about what they wanted to add or didn't like about the drawings.

Throughout the day they tried to get her to talk about something besides them and work but she wouldn't.

The hours passed quickly and before she knew it they had to open.

"I'll take these back to the hotel if that's ok and try to get them looking the way you want. Then I'll have something to show you tomorrow." J.J. said, anxious to leave.

As nice as they are seeing them together hurts, they are so much like we were. She thought, as she waited for their answer.

"Sure, that would be great." Roger said.

*Roger/Sandy*

"Well she certainly seems to understand what we are looking to do here." Roger said, smiling as the first few customers walked in.

"Yeah she does at that. I think this will work out great. I only wonder why she was so reluctant to talk to us." Sandy said.

"Despite the fact that she's working for us. We did just meet her a few days ago. Give her some time I'm sure she'll relax and open up." Roger said.

"I hope so. Every time we mentioned her past she clamed right up. I don't understand why she'd be so careful not to say anything." Sandy said.

"Women." Roger muttered, earning himself a smack.

*Kane*

Getting up, Kane tried to decide what to do. He felt like shit after such a rough night's sleep.

After eating he forced himself to go down to the gym and complete his usual workout. When he was done he again found himself shorter of breath than he should have been.

It's not a problem. As long as no one finds out that Jessie managed to actually injure me. I'll just have to be careful that no one notices until this passes. Kane thought, as he showered.

Sitting down, he opened his book and tried to read. Instead he found himself unable to sit still.

What the hell is wrong with me? I used to spend a lot of time in hotel rooms. Days on end spent alone with books and the TV. Now I can't sit still for ten minutes. She got me used to doing things and going places. Kane realized when the room seemed to close in more and more by the minute.

He was surprised that the memory of how they spent time didn't hurt.

It doesn't hurt, but I have to say I miss it. I miss how she made me feel. But it's over; she's gone because I wanted it that way. I still do. Kane told himself.

Getting up, he grabbed his jacket and went for a walk. Picking up a copy of the map to the hiking trails, he chose one and began to walk along its path.

It's beautiful up here just like she said it would be. Kane thought, as he looked around at the woods surrounding him.

Sitting down on a bluff overlooking a meadow, he just stared down.

Images of her tried to enter his mind repeatedly, but he violently pushed them aside. Instead he lay back and looked up at the sky. Watching a hawk lazily ride the thermals. He lost track of time just staring.

***Dreaming***

He felt her small hand slip into his. Looking over at her he saw her smile and his heart melted.

I can't believe she came back after what I did to her. Kane thought.

Rolling over he curled up on the ground and smiled.

Together they walked up the trail. She stopped frequently to take pictures and point out the beauty of the area.

Tears slipped out from under his eyelids as he moved in his sleep.

Reaching the bluff he stood behind her with his arms wrapped around her. Then stood with his chin resting lightly on her head. He inhaled deeply breathing in her scent.

They stood together for a while then they sat down.

Lying back, he pulled her down beside him.

"It's beautiful. Thank you for bringing me here." He heard her say, as she held his hand.

He closed his eyes for a moment and felt her hand leave his. Opening his eyes he found himself alone.

Getting up he looked around, frantically searching for her. He found nothing, no sign that she'd ever been there.

***End Dream***

Waking suddenly, he found himself still lying on the bluff. The night sky was filled with stars. But he couldn't see them through the haze of tears.

It was only a dream. Damn, but I miss how she feels. Kane thought for a moment, before pushing the thoughts aside and getting up.

He walked back down the trail. Once back at the hotel, he ordered something to eat and went back up to his room.

Then he sat quietly on the couch, finally managing to concentrate on his book.

He'd read for a while, when he felt his eyes growing really heavy. He put the book down and headed into the bedroom.

Stripping down to his boxers, he slipped under the covers.

*DX*

Getting back to the hotel, Chyna got the group all in one room and began.

"Hunter wants us to call in some favors. He wants attacks coming from all directions. Either Undertaker will try to protect him or he won't. Either way the Freak gets a beating at every turn." Chyna said.

"What if Undertaker does protect him?" Tori asked sounding scared.

"We'll decide how to deal with that if it happens." Chyna said.

"Sounds good. What event is this happening on?" Billy asked.

"All of them. We make sure that at every event there are at least a couple of people to bust him up. This way the pain just goes on and on. When Hunter comes back the retard will be so tired and beat up. He'll welcome it when Hunter finishes him off." She said laughing.

This doesn't sound good at all. This is not what I signed up for. I only wanted to get to the top, to be the best. I have to find a way out of this. X-Pac thought frantically.

"He's still here you know. I saw him when I went down the hall." Jessie said.

"I thought I told you to stay in here. I didn't want anyone to know we were sticking around." Chyna said sounding pissed.

"No one saw me. Especially not him." Jessie said.

"Fine, but if you've screwed this up so help me I'm going to beat the shit out of you." Chyna said. "You know I can do it."

Damn, I didn't know she was that serious. I'd better watch it for a bit. She's Hunter's second in command as much as we all hate it. Jessie thought.

"I didn't let anyone see me, don't worry so much. How's Hunter?" He asked, changing the subject.

"He's looking better today. He should be out tomorrow, then we can move on to the next town." She replied.

Good I can spend some real time with him, taking care of him. Then he'll see that he doesn't need her. That I can give him everything he needs. Tori thought happily.

"So he's going to travel with us?" Tori said, sounding entirely too happy about it.

"Yes." Chyna said.

I'd better watch the little bitch. She's up to something. Chyna thought.

*J.J.*

On the way back to the hotel, J.J. stopped and picked up a couple of large photo albums.

These should be big enough to hold all the pictures. J.J. thought, already looking forward to organizing them and putting them in the books.

Once back at her hotel, J.J. immediately set about organizing the pictures she had of Kane. She started with the ones she had from the photo shoot and the ones he'd given her with him and Anna. Then she moved on to the ones from the amusement park.

As she went through them, the days and the memories filled her mind. Her eyes filled with tears unnoticed, as her mind replayed each day in detail. She saw him laughing and joking, his eyes shining brightly as they played together.

Finally she'd finished organizing them and began to put them into the albums.

I guess this is one way to finally accept that it's over. Pack away the pictures and the memories. But I still don't want it to be over. He'll always own my heart whether he wants it or not. J.J. thought, as she worked.

Finishing that up, she forced herself to turn her mind to the drawings. I need to have something to show them tomorrow.

Working diligently, she finally managed to come up with a set that was somewhat acceptable.

Guess that's the best I can do with what little drawing skill I have. J.J. thought laughing.

Putting the drawings away, J.J. ordered something to eat and sat herself down in front of the TV. She paid no attention to what was playing, as her mind drifted again to Kane.

There has to be a way for Pete to get through to him. If he can't I'll have to go back and make him see that I'm not worth his pain, or his unhappiness. J.J. thought.

Closing her eyes for a moment, J.J. was soon sound asleep on the couch.


	6. losing the light Chapter 6

Chapter 6

*Kane*

Waking up, Kane smiled to himself.

Great I finally got a peaceful nights sleep, without dreams of J.J. or the fire. Kane thought, as he rolled over and stared at the ceiling.

Sitting up, he looked around and tried to remember what town he was in.

Oh yeah, Boulder. He said.

Getting up he stretched and headed for the shower.

Have an autograph session tomorrow before the event or I'd stay another day. It's really peaceful around here. Kane thought, remembering the quite tranquil feeling of the hike yesterday.

I'll have to come back here some day when I have more time to look around and hike. He thought, suddenly realizing he'd never have considered that before J.J.

Shaking his head, he again pushed thoughts of her away.

Once he was dressed, he headed downstairs and grabbed a bite to eat.

They are still watching me differently than they did before. Even Al seems to be staring and he never did before. Kane realized, looking around while he ate.

I wonder what the hell is going on. This doesn't feel right. He thought.

Now that's a stare I'm used to. He thought, when DX walked into the restaurant.

*X-Pac/Kane*

They look a little out of place without Hunter. Kane thought, smiling behind his mask.

Watching them for a moment, he realized that X-Pac looked like he was in pain.

He looks hurt and really distracted. Kane thought, as he watched the smaller man. Did they do something to him because he didn't come down and help them?

Looking up X-Pac caught Kane's eye.

I have to find a way to talk to him. He has no idea what kind of damage they plan to inflict. This time I can't just stand by and let it happen. There has to be some way that I can stop it from happening. X-Pac thought.

That little shit is up to something. I remember that look well. I can almost see the wheels turning. Kane thought, as he watched the smallest member of DX.

Can't let them catch me looking at him. They might read more than I want them too. I need to find some way to get close to him, to protect him without them realizing what is going on. X-Pac thought.

Turning his attention back to the rest of DX, X-Pac watched as Kane got up and left.

Standing up he watched as X-Pac tried to look anywhere but at him. He picked up his bags, dropped some bills on the table and left.

Getting to his rental, Kane drove himself to the airport.

*Ron/Mike*

"I can't believe it Mike. You mean even with your position you can't get anything. It's been almost a week." Ron said sounding exasperated.

"My contacts and position will only help if she gets into trouble or if someone happens to remember seeing her license plate. There are no guarantees here Ron." Mike said, sounding equally pissed.

"I don't mean to be an ass, I'm just worried. She's just up and disappeared. With the way she was acting beforehand, the articles and the smashed equipment I can't help but be worried." Ron replied, dropping his voice to a whisper.

"I know I'm really worried too. She's never wanted anything but to be a photographer. To see all her equipment smashed and know it was probably her that did it is not a good sign. We need to find her, but we have no reason to put out a missing person's or anything like that because we know she left on her own." Mike said, shaking his head with frustration.

"I guess now we just wait and hope she calls." Ron said sadly.

"Yeah, and if the WWF comes back we have a little chat with Kane." Mike said sounding angrier.

"Yeah but didn't the note say she left because of Vince." Ron asked.

"Yeah, we'll be talking to him too. We'll also look up that Pete guy she mentioned." Mike said, thinking aloud.

"She said he was a trainer right. That means of the three he'd probably be the easiest to get to."

"That's true maybe we should start with him." Mike decided. "In the mean time we just wait

and hope for some answers."

*J.J./Roger/Sandy*

Waking slowly, J.J. stretched trying to work some of the kinks out of her muscles.

I have got to stop sleeping on the couch. J.J. laughed to herself as she got up to dress.

After showering, she grabbed up the drawings and headed to the 'Stepping Stone'.

Looking at her watch she realized she was late and began to jog. She was there just a few minutes later and just a little out of breath.

"Rog, Sandy are you guys around." She yelled, as she knocked on the front door.

When she didn't get an answer she went around back, hoping they were back there and just hadn't heard her.

Knocking again she got no answer. J.J. reached down and turned the knob.

It's open? Why would it be open if they were not here? J.J. wondered, slowing pushing the door open.

As she walked in, she looked around for some sign of forced entry or a weapon in case she needed it.

I don't see anything that looks out of place. J.J. thought, as she moved farther into the room.

As she entered the kitchen she couldn't help but smile.

"You know you really should get a room." J.J. said, unable to hold back the laughter.

Jumping apart Rog and Sandy instantly began turning red.

"Ummm… we weren't…" Sandy began to stutter.

Shit what a position to be caught in. Sandy thought, feeling the sudden heat in her face and neck.

"Don't worry about it. I should have knocked louder." J.J. said, waving off her explanation.

Both of her employers quickly straightened their clothes and tried to stop their nervous laughter.

Soon Sandy had breakfast ready and they sat down to discuss today's plan.

J.J. showed them the drawings and they were both impressed with their detail.

"I really am glad you think these are good enough to show what you'd like to do. With a little more work you can begin to get this place in order." J.J. said, as she sat unconsciously toying with her pendant as she watched them sitting closely together with their hands clasped.

You? It sounds like she's planning to leave. We still need her. Roger thought, as he tried to find the words to keep her.

"What do you mean 'You', we're not letting you out of our sight until this place has it's grand reopening." Rog said, realizing she meant to leave now that the initial plans were done.

"But you don't really need me anymore. With what you've told me and these you should have no trouble getting this place just the way you want it." J.J. said, pointing to the stack of sketches.

"Nope, we have some other ideas too, and we'd like you here to help us make all the changes." Rog said

Don't push her Roger. We've obviously embarrassed her this morning. Sandy thought. But we really do need her.

"You don't really think we can manage all this without you J.J. Come on we need your expertise in color and layout." Sandy said, sounding firm in her decision. "You don't really plan to leave us now."

"I guess not." J.J. said, sounding less than enthusiastic.

Well, at least she's staying. But what is it about that pendant? Why does she keep touching it and getting that faraway look in her eyes? Sandy wondered, as she watched the younger woman.

I don't know how much longer I can watch you two together. It's killing me. J.J. thought, knowing that it was just because their relationship was so similar to hers and Kane's.

"J.J. if you really don't feel comfortable here it's ok. You can go ahead. You're probably right we can make do with what you've done so far. We're sorry if the way you found us this morning made you feel embarrassed." Sandy said.

"It's not that, honestly." J.J. said, trying to set her mind at ease.

No, that just made me realize how much I miss his touch. J.J. thought.

"Then what is it?" Sandy asked, seeing the longing clearly in her eyes.

"Oh, nothing. I'll be happy to stay until this is all finished." J.J. said, quickly trying to change the subject.

"Good," Rog said, "Now we won't have to lock her in the basement."

J.J. laughed but Sandy could see it never reached her eyes. Instead she saw J.J.'s hand drift up to finger the pendant she wore.

I will get this girl to open up. She's obviously hurting and needs someone to talk to. Sandy decided.

They worked through the day until time for the lunch crowd to begin making their appearance.

"Great job J.J. I'll let Sandy out of my sight tomorrow to go shopping with you. But only if you promise to be quick, because I can't last long without her." Roger said, sounding nervous.

"Oh you charmer." Sandy laughed.

"Don't pay any attention to this big baby. We can take as long as we need." Sandy added, still laughing a little.

"Whatever you want. I'm sure it won't take us too long all we'll be doing is checking out different curtains." J.J. replied, trying to laugh along with them.

Gathering together the newest batch of notes and sketches, she watched them tease each other.

She closed the last folder and headed for the door.

"Aren't you going to stay for lunch?" Roger called out.

"Thanks anyway but I have a few things to take care of." J.J. replied, heading for the back door.

"Something or someone really hurt her." Sandy said, taking Roger's hand.

"Why do you say that?" Roger asked, looking confused.

"I can't believe you don't see it. The way she looks at us? How she keeps playing with that pendant?" Sandy said, shocked that her husband was so blind.

"Sorry, must be a woman thing." He replied, earning a smack in the ass.

*Kane*

Arriving in Phoenix, Kane picked up his usual SUV. Instead of heading for the hotel he drove around looking at the city. Once it grew dark he drove out beyond the city lights and stopped on the side of the road. Getting out he looked up at the stars and allowed her to enter his mind for a moment.

I wonder if she went back to LA? Kane asked himself, but he had no answer.

After a moment he pushed his musing aside and got back into the rental. Getting to the hotel he went to his room. Then headed down to the gym for his daily workout.

He was nearly through, when he realized he wasn't alone. Looking up he was surprised to see Shane staring at him.

Kane put down weight he was holding and stood up from the bench.

What do you want boy? He wondered, staring at the heir.

"You better keep your distance. My father will fire you if you touch me again." Shane said in a shaky voice.

Just then a large security officer walked in.

"Mr. McMahon are you alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, but you'd better stay close. No telling what this nutcase will do." Shane said, moving toward one of the machines.

Kane sat back down then laid back. Picking up the bar he continued his workout. He was careful not to show how short of breath his routine was making him. When he was through he walked out without a single glance in Shane's direction.

I can't believe Vince is having his family guarded like that. As if it would do any good if any of us decided to do them some damage. Kane thought with a laugh as he headed upstairs.

Once in his room he calmed his breathing then ordered some dinner. He showered while he waited for it to arrive. After he'd eaten he tried to relax to keep his mind occupied until it was late enough to go to bed.

*DX*

"Hunter are you sure you're up to flying? We could stay here and let you rest for a bit. I don't have a match tomorrow." Tori said, once they'd picked up the DX leader from the hospital.

"I'm fine. I want to be there, I want to see him get what he deserves." Hunter said, roughly pushing Tori out of his face.

She is such a clinging little beast. Why did I ever let her back into DX? Oh yeah, to hurt the freak. Maybe I should give her back to him. Hunter thought knowing even Kane wasn't stupid enough to want her back.

"Is everything all set?" He asked Chyna.

"We could only talk to a few of the guys. But they were happy to help us out. We'll get some more stuff going once we get to Phoenix." Chyna said, with an evil smirk.

"That's my girl." He said, matching her smirk.

Shit, this is just getting worse and worse. They are going to kill him. X-Pac thought, becoming more worried about his ex-partner.

"What are we going to do? None of us have a match with him this week." Jessie asked.

"Not a problem. I've asked Vince to set up a couple of special matches for him. He was more than happy to comply." Hunter laughed.

*J.J.*

J.J. got back to her hotel room but wasn't able to sit still. Instead she took her car out and just cruised around until she found herself nearly falling asleep. Then she headed back to the hotel.

Getting back to the hotel she quickly climbed between the sheets.

***Dreaming***

J.J. wondered in her dream, running from one spot to another chasing something.

Tossing and turning constantly J.J. wasn't still for a second.

Looking in first one place then another J.J. couldn't find it. The more she looked the more anxious she became.

Damn it. I have to find it. I have to… everything depends on me finding it. J.J.'s mind said to her repeatedly in the dream.

***End Dream***

Waking groggily to the sound of a blaring alarm J.J. could barely move.

Damn what a night. I wonder what I was looking for. She thought, suddenly remembering the dream.

Dragging her weary body out of bed. She showered trying to clear the cobwebs. Then she walked to work.

*Kane*

Climbing into bed he curled up closed his eyes. Rolling over onto his back a small smile stretched across his face.

***Dreaming***

He felt her hand within his, then her head on his shoulder.

"Kane can we just sit like this for a bit. I'm so comfortable." He heard her say.

Kane nodded, both in the dream and as he lay upon the pillow.

Closing his eyes in the dream he felt her warmth against his side and just allowed himself to enjoy it.

***End dream***

Waking suddenly to a buzzing alarm, he reached over and threw it across the room.

Damn it! He thought, her absence almost painful after such a pleasant dream.

Throwing back the covers angrily he got up. After showering, he got into his ring gear and went downstairs to meet the car that would take him to the signing.

Walking across the lobby he saw people moving out of his path looking terrified. As he walked out the front door the chauffeur quickly opened the door of the car.

He looked scared to death. Kane thought, not entirely displeased to see it.

It's good, they see now that I've allowed the monster total control. I no longer have any desire to control him. Kane thought, knowing that it was the way it should always have been.

*Kane/Al*

What? I didn't know Al was part of this event too? Kane thought, surprised to see the smaller man and his mannequin head.

As they stood in the back room together, Kane tried to ignore his stares.

He's probably going to kill me but I have to know. Al thought, watching Kane for a moment.

"Kane I don't want you to kill us or nothing but we gotta to know. When she said she was quitting and asked you to leave with her how could you have said no? I mean she so obviously loves you and she was hot. Why would you choose this over her?" Al said, already prepared to run if Kane moved to attack.

What is he blathering about? Kane wondered, looking at Al.

Just then Al was introduced.

Slowly Al's words began to sink in.

Told me she was quitting and wanted me to go with her? Chose this? Is that what they think? They think I let her leave when she wanted me to go with her? Why would they think that, it doesn't make any sense? Kane thought, trying to understand.

Hearing his name being called he stepped through the curtain and took his seat beside 'Head'.

As he signed autographs he kept thinking about Al's words.

He thinks I'm busting his balls? He's not going to answer me. Al realized, watching Kane between signing his name.

He's just crazy, that's the only explanation I need for his questions. Kane decided after awhile.

He quickly pushed all thoughts of Al and J.J. from his mind and concentrated on the task at hand. Looking up he realized that people were looking decidedly afraid of him.

What's going on? I expect this attitude from the others. But the fans have never had anything to fear from me. Why are they looking afraid? Kane wondered.

Does he even realize he's staring bullets at these poor people? Al wondered, watching the fans fearful looks at Kane.

"Kane," Al whispered. "Lighten up, you look like you're ready to jump the table and kill someone."

Is that why they're looking scared? Am I doing what Al says I am? Kane wondered, intentionally trying to relax a bit.

He noticed the difference immediately; the people seemed a bit more relaxed.

When the session ended, they both walked out together.

Should I ask him again since he didn't really get a chance to answer me before? Al wondered, turning to look at the bigger man.

No I'd better not; he looks ready to kill someone again. Al decided.

Looking over at Al as they walked out. He debated demanding an explanation to his earlier question, but then decided it wasn't worth the effort and turned away.

*J.J.*

The next day, J.J. arrived to see Sandy already excited to be on her way. They headed right out.

"So tell me a little about yourself J.J.?" Sandy asked, as they walked through the first store.

"Nothing to tell. I was born and raised in California. I've had a really boring life actually." J.J. said, trying to stave off further questions.

"Why don't you tell me how Roger and you got together?" J.J. added, trying to steer the older woman in another direction completely.

"It was actually funny." Sandy said, falling for the switch. "We were introduced at a birthday party for my sister's daughter. He was just on leave from the Army and hadn't even planned on being there but his friend talked him into it by promising him dinner."

"Really?" J.J. said, keeping that line of discussion going.

J.J. managed to keep Sandy off questioning her all day by getting her to talk about herself, Roger and their son.

Back at the restaurant, J.J. helped her bring in the purchases she'd made then left quickly.

*Roger/Sandy*

"So did you manage to get anything juicy in your interrogation?" Roger asked, knowing his wife was an expert at getting information.

"No?" Sandy suddenly realized. "I didn't get a thing out of her except that she was born and raised in California."

"What, the great gatherer of information failed to gain anything from her latest victim?" Roger said laughing.

She managed to block me and change the subject every time I tried to get her to talk about herself. What is she so determined to hide? Sandy wondered, laughing at her husband's attitude.

"Don't worry dear. I'm sure you'll get it all next time you get her alone." Roger said, continuing to laugh.

"Oh shut up! Like you're not curious about her. I mean we've known her a week and still don't know a thing about her." Sandy said, trying to look hurt by his laughter.

"I'm sorry babe, but guys just don't care about those things. I've known guys for years and not even know how old they are." Rog said trying not to start laughing again.

"Oh get to work old man." Sandy said.

"Old man?…" Roger said.

"Get out of my kitchen." Sandy added throwing a dishtowel at him.

"I'm going… I'm going." He said rushing through the door.

*J.J.*

She's determined to find out everything about me. I'll have to keep an eye on her. I won't lie to her but I don't want her to know how badly I've fucked up my life. J.J. thought sadly.

Sitting down she stared into space trying to decide if between staying and going before she said something that she would regret.

Sandy is the kind of person who always wants to fix everything. I don't want her trying to fix this. That would only make things worse. J.J. thought, reaching for the first photo album.

As she sat on the couch, looking through the pictures once again.

After a while she ordered something to eat and finally went to bed.

She spent another restless night searching for something she couldn't name or find.

*Kane*

Getting back to his hotel he couldn't get Al's words out of his head.

They have all been looking at me oddly. I thought it was because of the cage match. But now that I think about it the looks started before the match. They began that day at the hotel, when she left me her cameras. Could what Al said be true? Do people think I left her? They think that I actually had a choice in the matter that we could have somehow remained together. Why would they even think that? Kane wondered, pacing his room.

It doesn't matter what they think. None of them know what she did; none of them know what happened. I couldn't have stayed with her, not after what she did. She knew I'd leave if I found out about her. That's why she didn't tell me. He thought.

But I have to say it was good that she kept our problems quite. Unlike X-Pac and Tori she did things privately. Kane thought, giving J.J. credit for discretion.

Putting the whole thing out of his mind, Kane tried to relax and think about tomorrow's event.

I don't even know who I'm facing. I think I'll go over tomorrow morning and get the tape for the last event. Maybe I'll have time to find out what happened before the talent meeting. Kane decided.

Finally managing to calm down and relax he sat back and tried to decide who he'd request, if a match weren't already set for him.

I'd love to get that bitch Chyna after the low blow the other day. But I won't be the one to go after her. It just wouldn't be right for me to demand a match against a woman. Even if she is more muscular than most of the men in the company. Kane thought, making himself smile.

Eventually he felt his eyes growing heavy and decided he'd best get some rest.

Crawling into bed Kane curled up beneath the sheet and was nearly instantly asleep.

***Dreaming***

Walking backstage after a match he could feel the welts, bruises and other injuries already making their presence known.

J.J.'s going to kill me. Kane thought, smiling as he headed for his dressing room.

He'd barely arrived when he saw J.J. throw the door open.

"Just what the hell did you think you were doing out there? I told you not to get yourself hurt, now sit down so I can get a look at you." She yelled.

Kane smiled both in the dream and as he slept.

"I said SIT!" She yelled louder when he didn't move fast enough.

Taking a seat he reveled in the feel of her hands on his skin. Her fingertips probing and caressing as she looked him over.

"Nothing too bad I guess." He heard her say at last.

Then he felt her hands slide down his chest and her head moving down rest against his shoulders.

"Baby you really know how to make a girl worry you know that?" She whispered.

He moved reaching up to touch her…

***End dream***

Ow shit! He thought, opening his eyes and quickly realizing he'd just punched the headboard.

*J.J.*

Waking up J.J. stretched and tried to get her blood flowing.

Well this is going to be a ten-cup day. J.J. thought, knowing with how little sleep she'd gotten the two nights, she'd need plenty of caffeine.

Showering J.J. thought about Sandy's questions yesterday.

I don't want to leave. It's gotten to the point where I want to see how this place turns out. J.J. thought. If she keeps pushing I'll just have to tell her that I don't want to talk about it.

Drying off J.J. reached for her clothes.

That won't work very well, it will only make her more determined to find out what I'm hiding and why. I guess I'll just have to deal with that when and if it happens. J.J. thought, dashing out the door.

I need to be sure I get out in time to be back for the event. I don't want to miss it. J.J. thought, even as she arrived at the restaurant.

"Sandy," J.J. said entering the kitchen. "What's the plan for today. I know you wanted to start looking at color schemes."

"Yeah that would be great. If we can gather all the parts then once we close the place to paint the walls we'll have everything we need right away." She said.

"She just wants an excuse to shop, like all women." Roger said, entering the room.

J.J. felt her heart twist remembering some of the things she did to hide what she was buying when she shopped for Kane's birthday.

"Typical man. Has no idea that not only is shopping therapy, but it needs to be done by someone. If we left it to him, we'd wind up with clashing colors and nothing would be ready on time." Sandy said to J.J.

J.J. just laughed and unconsciously touched the pendant she always wore.

That pendant is a big clue. If only I could get her to talk, I'm sure I could help. She always looks so sad. Sandy thought, as she took J.J.'s arm and led her back out the door.

As they shopped for paint, tablecloths and other necessities Sandy again tried to get her to open up.

"After yesterday you know everything about me. But I still don't know a thing about you." Sandy said, deciding to be blunt.

"There really is nothing to know. I Got out of college and fell into a job working in Forensics quite by accident. Did that for a while but the sight of bodies began to really affect me so I decided to quit." J.J. said, hoping that would be enough to satisfy her curiosity.

She's not going to quit. I can see it in her eyes and body language. She's determined to get the answers she wants. J.J. thought.

I'll have to try another direction. Sandy decided, as they continued shopping.

"Wow, that's a lovely pendant." Sandy said, as if noticing it for the first time.

New tact, but same attempt. J.J. thought, almost laughing at how determined Sandy was.

"Do you like it? It's a Celtic symbol of inner balance." J.J. said. "Not that it's managed to balance me much."

"Where did you get it, or was it a gift?" Sandy asked.

Smooth, really smooth. J.J. thought, smiling despite efforts not to.

"Truthfully, I can't remember where I got it. I've had it forever." J.J. said, throwing up a roadblock to that line of questioning.

I'll always remember the day I got it and the man I love buying it for me. J.J. thought, even as she said the words.

I don't think she's telling the truth about that. But why is she being so damn secretive? Sandy wondered, as they continued on their way.

Sandy made a few more attempts but was blocked at every pass. Finally she decided to give up for the day.

They got back to the restaurant right around suppertime.

"Where you been woman. I had to call in the reinforcements." Rog said, pointing to a young lady in the kitchen doorway.

"Maryanne, how nice to see you. I hope you held out for a decent wage before agreeing to bail his ass out." Sandy said, going over to hug the young woman.

"Sure thing Mrs. Panne." Maryanne said, with an obvious southern drawl.

"How many times do I have to tell you to call me Sandy?" The older woman chastised.

"Just the southern way Mrs. …I mean Sandy." She laughed.

"Maryanne, we'd like you to meet J.J. She's the kind woman who's helping us make this place over." Rog said. "And the reason my Sandy abandoned me today."

"Nice to meet you Maryanne. They're doing all the work, I've just got them convinced it's me." J.J. said laughing, and reaching to shake the young lady's hand.

"As for Sandy, you saw her drag me out of here this morning. If anyone was to blame for your abandonment it was all her." J.J. added, turning to Rog with her hands on her hips.

"Ok I give, I give… outnumbered by women again. When will I learn?" Roger said, throwing up his hands and backing away from the kitchen.

This got all the girls laughing.

"J.J. will you be staying for dinner?" Sandy asked, hoping for another opportunity to question her.

"Sorry, I have plans tonight." J.J. said, already thinking about seeing Kane even if it was only on TV.

She's never seemed to have plans before. I wonder what's going on. She actually looked happy for a second, but then it passed? That is really odd. Sandy thought, still trying to figure out her newest employee.

*Kane*

Kane tried to get back to sleep, but it was a waste of time.

Actually considering the dreams I've been having lately, I'm better off awake. Kane thought, as he rolled out of bed.

Throwing on some sweats, he headed down to the gym.

I really shouldn't do this on an event day, but I need it too much to skip. Kane thought, as he began to run through his routine.

Just keep it light, not the usual weight. That way you won't be tired later. Kane decided.

As he went through the routine. He thought about how the dreams had changed in the last few days.

Somehow I hate these more than the nightmares. At least when the dreams were bad I was all right once I was awake. With these I feel like shit when I realize it was only a dream. Kane thought, trying to push the dream and the emotions it had evoked aside.

Finishing up the routine, he headed back upstairs. Walking into the room he felt it immediately.

Something isn't right! His mind shouted, instantly putting him on alert.

He quickly dropped what he held and peered around the room. He spotted his attacker just as he moved to strike.

Damn it! What the hell is he doing? Kane thought, sidestepping a bat wielding Adam Bomb and simultaneously pushing him into the door.

The impact with the door stopped his momentum, but didn't disarm him.

Come on you bastard let's see what you've got. Kane thought, waving at the big man to come on.

With a growl Bomb attacked again. As he swung the bat down Kane grabbed it, and spun the man around. Then he pulled the bat backward against his assailant's throat.

Let's see you get out of this one you asshole. Kane thought, as he slowly choked the man out.

Once he was unconscious, Kane stood over him for a moment.

I've had no problem with this one in a while? What would make him choose now to try and ambush me? Kane thought, staring down at him.

Had to be DX. No one else has been trying so hard to put me out. Kane thought, picking up the limp Adam Bomb and opening his door.

Walking down the hall he listened until he heard the unmistakable sound of Hunter's laugh. Then he walked over and dropped Bomb on the floor outside their door, making sure that he thumped against it.

Turning he walked quickly back to his room.


	7. losing the light Chapter 7

Chapter 7

*DX*

"What the hell was that?" Chyna said, looking quickly toward the door.

"I'll find out." Jessie said getting up.

Going to the door he stiffened, expecting to find someone standing there demanding entrance.

Opening the door, he jumped back when Adam Bomb fell backward into the room. Then he started laughing.

"What's so fucking funny?" Hunter yelled from the other room.

"Looks like Kane left us a present." Jessie said, still laughing at the prone form of Bomb lying halfway across the doorway.

Quickly losing patience at the younger man's laughter, Chyna got up and went to the door.

"Hunter its Bomb." She called back over her shoulder.

"Guess he couldn't do the job. Make sure he knows that since he failed he still owes us." Hunter called out.

"Get him off the floor and get rid of him. Make sure he knows what the deal is." Chyna said.

*Outlaws/Adam Bomb*

Still laughing, Jessie called Billy over and together they picked up the still out Bomb.

Getting him back to his room, they brought him inside and right into the bathroom.

"We can't deliver the message if he isn't awake to hear it." Billy said, when Jessie looked at him.

Putting him in the bathtub, Billy turned on the cold water and directed the spray into the slack face of Adam Bomb.

"What… what's happening…?" Bomb sputtered, as he tried to sit up.

"Good you're awake." Jessie said.

"What happened?" He asked starting to get up.

"You failed is what happened. The freak kicked your ass and dumped you on our doorstep." Billy said sounding really disappointed.

"That means your debt is not paid. You do realize that?" Jessie said, stepping into the conversation.

"I tried. I really did… I don't know how he knew I was there but I couldn't get the drop on him." Adam said.

"Doesn't matter you failed." Billy said almost gleefully.

"Damn it! What do I have to do to be free of you guys!?" He shouted.

"Succeed when we send you to do something." Billy laughed.

"You'll be hearing from us. In the mean time dry off." Jessie said, tossing a towel at Bomb.

The Outlaws turned and left a still muttering Adam Bomb behind.

*Kane*

Kane stood in his doorway and listened to the exchange between the DX members. Then he followed the outlaws to Bomb's room and listened again.

So that's the deal. They have something on him. Sounds like he's still in debt though. I should expect another try. Question is who else owes them, and how many debts are they going to call in? Kane thought, getting back to his room.

Ok if that's the new game I guess I have no choice but to play. I'll just have to watch my back until I find out who the players are. Kane decided, as he gathered his arena gear.

*J.J.*

Getting back to the hotel J.J. showered and tried to make herself eat. She managed a few bites but that was all. Before long she found herself with the albums out again, slowly flipping through the pages.

I really have to start trying to get past this. To stop needing to see his face every day, even if it's a past memory. J.J. thought, trying to get herself to close the book.

Finally she managed to put it away. She sat back waiting for the show to begin.

*DX*

"I can't believe it. What do we have to do to get to him? He has unbelievable luck. No one should have gotten out of as many situations as we've put him in. Then that damn brother of his has to interfere. What is he blessed or something?" Hunter yelled when the Outlaws got back and told him what Bomb had said.

"I don't know, but if that's the problem then it's over. His luck has just ended, trust me Hunter." Chyna said.

"I do. Between the matches I've gotten setup for him and our plan that boy is going to be begging me to end his career." Hunter said, beginning to laugh.

What the hell do they have planned for him? Why haven't I heard anything about any of this? Shit I need to find out what's happening so I can warn him. This has definitely gone too far. X-Pac thought.

*Kane*

Getting his gear together, Kane decided to head to the arena.

This way I can see them coming and I won't have to pay for any damage I do getting rid of them. Kane thought with a laugh.

Once he arrived, Kane didn't have any trouble finding his dressing room.

This is great. I'm at the end of a hallway with no one in the other rooms. Anyone who walks down this hall is obviously coming for me. Kane thought, nodding his approval of the setup.

Taking a seat, Kane soon found that he couldn't sit still.

Oh what the hell, this is ridiculous. Why can't I sit still? I used to do it for hours. Kane thought, getting aggravated with this new problem.

Getting up finally he went out to the TV truck.

They should be in by now. I'll be able to take a look at that tape and see what the hell happened. I need to see it, so I can be sure something like that doesn't happen again. I'm surprised that I didn't wind up with more damage than I did. Considering I must have blacked out. Kane thought, as he walked to the truck.

Going inside, he watched the tech back off quickly. Kane turned to the box marked recent events and opened it.

"Hey you can't just take those. We need to get the one you want, so we know who has which tape." Steve said quietly.

Picking up the tape, Kane brought it up right into the kid's face so he could see the label. Then he walked back out of the truck.

There now he knows which one I took. Kane thought, smiling at the obvious look of terror on the young man's face.

It's not taking long for people to remember the last time the Monster ruled me. Soon they will again fear me, as they should. Kane thought, heading back inside and then to his dressing room.

Sliding the tape into the machine, he pressed play then sat down.

He watched and laughed at the look on the Outlaw's faces, when he turned around and ruined their sneak attack. Kane continued watching as the match went back and forth.

I never should have chased him like that. It was a stupid mistake. One that cost me, I never even saw what hit me. That was another mistake, because it allowed Chyna to get that low blow. Kane thought, criticizing his actions and decisions throughout the match.

Shit that's what happened. Kane thought, as he watched the flying lariat go bad.

That was one hell of a kick. I don't think he meant to get me in the throat. Kane thought, as he saw himself flying backward and clawing at his throat.

Well, I guess that explains why my throat is bothering me. My three hundred plus pounds coming off the top rope and connecting with his boot. Kane thought, almost laughing at the fact that it was completely unintentional. He'd certainly make out like he meant to do that if he realized he'd hurt me.

Hitting the play button again, he restarted the match.

That time it was definitely intentional. He split his feet at the last second, making sure he hit me in the chest and neck. That's why I couldn't breathe. It was Tori! Holy shit, I didn't think the little bitch had it in her. Guess I was wrong? I thought X-Pac had finally shown up. If I weren't watching it with my own eyes I'd never believe it. Kane thought, smiling at the sight before him.

His smile quickly faded as he watched himself fade out, while the Outlaws and Chyna walked toward him.

He watched has he slumped to the mat completely unconscious.

How could I not have gotten my ass kicked there? He wondered for a second.

Then he heard The Brood's music hit.

What the fuck? Why would they come to my aid? Why would Mark let them? He thought, looking for the three young blondes.

It was a trick! Kane thought, watching the DX members take a couple steps back.

By the time they realized the Brood wasn't really coming. The referees had arrived and they couldn't do anything.

Kane started laughing, as he watched this feint unfold.

I don't know why Mark would set that up though. It doesn't make any sense. Hell, he's been busting my ass as much as DX has. He thought.

Then again, he really hasn't lately. Not since Paul said he was done testing J.J. Kane thought.

I haven't even heard a word from him since then. Kane thought, suddenly curious about Mark's change in behavior.

I think I'd better watch out for him. He's never was this quiet before? Kane decided.

He watched his match one more time. Then let the tape play.

Even DX was expecting X-Pac? What did happen to him? Kane wondered, as he watched DX argue for a moment.

Then he saw X-Pac lying outside the arena.

What the fuck? What happened to him? Kane wondered, watching the Outlaws run toward their fallen friend.

He watched carefully afterward, expecting them to show what had happened to X-Pac.

Damn, if they don't show what happened how will I know who to thank. Kane thought, knowing that he'd really have been in trouble if X-Pac had been there too.

Guess it doesn't matter anyway. Now that I know what happened. I understand what's been going on with my breathing. Kane thought, hitting the rewind button.

Then getting up he headed back outside to return the tape.

They'll probably need it for replays from last week or something. Kane thought.

As he walked, out Kane realized most of the roster had arrived.

Better watch my back. Can't let them get the drop on me. Kane thought, looking around yet again.

On the way out he noticed a lot of stares.

Most of their expressions are clearly showing more than the normal animosity. Kane realized, as he watched them.

Whatever is going on seems to be common knowledge. Kane thought.

I wonder if I can beat the information out of any of them. He wondered idly, making himself smile.

Getting to the truck, he pounded on the locked door. When the tech opened it he shoved the tape into his hands. Then turned and walked away.

*Mike/Ron*

"Anything yet?" Ron asked, as Mike joined him at the table.

"Not a thing. It's like she just up and disappeared. I've been checking the cities they're in. I had hoped that she'd stayed with Kane even though she wasn't working for the WWF anymore. It doesn't look like that is the case." Mike answered.

"What about Pete? Any news there?" Ron said.

"No can't get though to him. Looks like we have to get to him in person." Mike replied sounding aggravated.

"That can't be right. There has to be some way to reach him." Ron said.

"Nope, I even tried to use the cop route, nothing." Mike said, finally smiling.

"OOHH then it must be impossible." Ron said, starting to laugh.

"Very funny." Mike said, beginning to laugh himself.

"Are you talking about my J.J.?" Mario asked, having arrived during the end of the conversation.

"Eavesdropping again Mario?" Mike said.

"How else I gonna know anything?" Mario replied.

"Ok, then. Mario, Yes we were talking about J.J." Ron said.

"You seen her then. She doing ok right?" The older man asked.

"We're not sure. She visited for a day or two then left. We haven't been able to reach her since." Mike said.

"That big friend of hers better not have hurt her." Mario said sounding angry.

"Truthfully I don't know what happened. She said she'd quit her job and needed to think. That was a couple of weeks ago. Since then nothing." Ron said.

"That doesn't sound like our J.J." Mario said, sounding confused. "You not hear from her soon I go find that Pete person myself, and that big friend Kane."

Ron and Mike just started laughing.

"You not believe me!" He said angrily.

"No actually we're laughing because I can picture you doing just that." Ron said, trying to stifle his laughter.

Mario started laughing too. Then he walked away.

"I can just picture that. Mario walking into the backstage area and hunting Kane and Pete down to give them a piece of his mind." Mike said.

"Yeah, that guy is fearless." Ron concurred.

They finished their meal and went their separate ways.

*Kane*

Walking back toward his locker room. Kane spotted Adam Bomb standing in the hall. He watched him carefully as he passed.

Once he'd gotten past, he turned his attention to those in front of him.

Not this time I guess. He thought, as he reached out to open his locker room with a small sigh.

Shit, Kane thought when the first blow struck.

Hitting the ground, he immediately tried to regain his feet. Looking up he saw the laughing faces of LOD even as they continued the attack. Animal got behind him and wrapped him into a full nelson before he could recover.

Oh damn it. I should never have passed those closed doors without checking. It was the perfect ambush setup. Kane thought, as Animal dragged him to his feet.

From the corner of his eye Kane saw Animal nod. Hawk adopted an evil grin and stepped forward. Still fighting Kane soon realized that Animal's grip was locked tight.

Drop down and toss him over. Kane thought, trying to get in position to do that.

Before he could follow through on that plan, Animal pulled him into his own locker room. Then he braced himself and pulled Kane's upper body back.

I'll never manage it now. Kane thought, seeking another plan.

Kane watched helplessly as Hawk reared back and struck him in the chest. Hawk's smile got bigger and bigger with every blow he landed.

Shit, can't get free. Can't get my breath. Kane thought, trying not to show his difficulty.

"You want him now?" Hawk asked his partner, after nailing Kane several times.

"Yeah," Animal replied, quickly spinning Kane and planting him face first into the wall.

This may be my only chance. Kane thought, waiting for his opportunity.

Now! He thought, when he saw Hawk had moved behind Animal to change positions.

Kane threw his full weight backward into the two men behind him. Sending the three of them went down in a tangle.

Being on top, Kane was the first to regain his feet. Gasping for breath he knew he needed to get them out of there before they noticed. He grabbed a chair. Then without even giving them a chance, he started swinging. Both of them scrambled to their feet and out the door.

What are you done already? Kane thought, following them out with the chair.

He saw several of the others waiting at the end of the hall. Some of them were now laughing at LOD

Guess their debt hasn't been paid either. I wonder how many of those guys knew they were lying in wait for me? Kane thought, feeling more alone than ever.

Kane went back inside and slammed the door.

Assholes will learn that it is not good to taunt a monster. Kane thought, throwing the chair across the room.

Then he started pacing growing angrier with every circuit of his small dressing room. Eventually his breathing began to slow and return to normal.

There has to be some way for me to show DX that no matter who they send I will not be an easy mark. If I can prove that, they have to give it up. I know there is no way I can protect myself against half the roster. Hell, I had trouble protecting myself when all of DX decided to play at the same time. Kane thought, beginning to get angry at this new tactic of DX.

They couldn't do me in alone, so they have others helping them. I'd have an easier time if I just knew who they'd send. But there is no way I can find out, so I guess I'll just have to take it as it comes. Kane decided at last.

Hell, maybe I should be flattered that they think I'm such a big threat. They are spending an awful lot of time fucking with me. Kane thought, making himself smile.

Looking at his wrist, he realized the watch wasn't there.

That's right, I put that with the pendant in the bottom of my suitcase. I really should get rid of them but somehow I can't. He thought, feeling a wave of sadness at the thought.

Kane turned his attention to the clock and realized that it was time for the staff meeting. Opening the door he walked out. As he passed them he kicked each of the other rooms open to be sure there were no more surprises.

*J.J.*

He's probably in the staff meeting by now. Poor baby is being bored to death by another one of Vice's endless speeches. J.J. thought, smiling at the thought.

"At least now I don't have to listen to any more of those." J.J. muttered.

Closing her eyes, she saw him standing there by the door.

He always stood so stiff. It was like he thought he'd break if he relaxed. J.J. thought, with another small smile.

Her memory shifted to the day she'd snuck into the talent meeting.

"Never would have gotten out of there if he hadn't helped me. Man, Vince would have had a cow." J.J. thought, letting the memory play slowly through her mind.

I knew then that his hard exterior was to protect something. But I never would have imagined how big his heart was, or how vulnerable. He's simply the most beautiful person I've ever met in my life. Unfortunately events of his past have made him put up those walls. After hearing only a little of what he's survived. I'm amazed that he's done so well. J.J. thought.

She allowed herself to enjoy the memories of their time again. Even though she knew how much doing it would hurt.

"Please don't let me and my stupidity have been the last straw. I can't stand the thought that what happed because of me was the thing that pushed him to withdraw for good." J.J. prayed softly.

*DX*

"Shit, I can't believe we send the 'Most Devastating tag team' and they can't take out one man. Even when they attack him from behind, What is wrong with you two?" Hunter screamed, when they walked into the DX locker room.

"Don't give me that shit Hunter. If he were easy to take out you and your crew would have already done it. You wouldn't have needed us to do it for you." Hawk sneered.

"Well it doesn't matter anyway. We're here for our pay." Animal said, stepping forward.

"Forget it. You don't get shit." Chyna said. "You failed, we don't pay for failures."

"You better reconsider. After all if you don't pay us we'll have to take it out of your hides." Hawk laughed. "Do you really want to have us on your back?"

"Get out." Chyna said.

"Hunter you better control your Bitch, before she writes a check her ass can't cash." Animal said sounding extremely angry.

"We will be back. In the mean time you better reconsider Hunter." Animal added, as he and his partner left.

"Hunter what are you doing? You don't mean to actually pay them?" Chyna asked after they'd left.

"If we don't pay them they will help that freak." He said.

"We didn't reward Bomb's failure." Chyna said.

"No we didn't, because he hasn't got the balls to cross us, or try to deal with freak boy." Hunter said. "LOD won't have that problem."

"Are you kidding?" Billy said. "We can take them."

"Yeah I know you can. But I don't want you guys doing anything but taking out our friendly neighborhood crispy critter." Hunter said with a sick smile.

"Understood." Billy said. "He's our priority."

"Right, now Chyna get their payment together. Don't keep them waiting too long." Hunter said.

"If that's what you want." She said, getting up to follow Hunter orders.

I can't believe they are going this far. To actually pay people to take him out, that's nuts. Who else have they bribed, or blackmailed and why haven't I been kept in the loop. Why am I being excluded? X-Pac wondered.

"What's happening? Why does it seem that everyone knows the plan but me?" X-Pac asked, deciding to get right to the point.

"It's simple kid. You've been acting real odd lately. So we can't be sure you won't do something stupid and ruin it. Just do as you're told, when you're told. If you can do that we'll know where you stand." Hunter said, staring at the younger man.

Shit how can they possibly know that I'm not on board with this shit? He wondered.

"That's ridiculous. I've done everything you've ever asked of me. Hell, I even dropped Kane because you told me to. You said you'd get me to the top. Do you think I'd jeopardize that?" X-Pac said, trying to sound convincing.

"Right now kid, I just don't know." He replied.

*Kane*

Back in his locker room, Kane pulled out some old tapes he'd copied and began watching them.

I need to be ready for anyone, anytime. Hell I wouldn't put it past Vince to work with Hunter. Both of them would love to see me sidelined. Kane thought.

Unable to sit still, he started pacing as he watched.

Before long it was time to go to the Talent meeting.

Walking in he took his usual position, automatically looking to his right almost expecting to see her there.

Idiot, those days are over. Kane told himself.

Looking around the room, he tried to spot those who were staring more than usual.

Maybe I can get some idea who's next by the way they look at me. I really wish I had J.J.'s ability to read people. Kane thought, feeling his jaw clench when he thought of her.

Just relax and concentrate on Vince. Kane said to himself, as he watched Vince enter.

"Ok, first I'm sure you all would like to welcome Hunter back. But please hold that until after the meeting." Vince said looking at DX.

Yeah, I'd love to welcome him back. I have the perfect gift, a steel chair. Kane thought, grinning behind his mask.

"We have a few matches to book. To begin with Demolition will face LOD for the tag titles. I expect a good match." He said looking at the two teams.

"It'll be good Vince. But don't expect them to walk away with them." Axe said laughing.

"Don't worry we'll take them boys. I just hope you two can walk away without assistance." Animal snarled.

"Relax, save all that for the setup." Vince said.

"Next we'll have Kane facing the team of Slaughter and the Iron Sheik. Yeah that should be interesting." Vince said, a slow smile spreading on his face.

Why them? It couldn't be their request. I haven't had any problem with either of them. So why would Vince choose them? Kane wondered.

Looking over at the two of them. He could see that they were as surprised as he was.

Hunter doesn't look surprised though. He looks entirely too happy about it. Kane thought.

Vince continued in his usual style for what seemed like an eternity. When he'd finally finished Kane left quickly.

*J.J.*

I wonder who he'll face tonight? Will it be one of the members of DX or someone else? Hell knowing Vince it will be two. J.J. thought, already beginning to worry.

"By now he knows who it will be." She muttered.

J.J. ignored her growling stomach, knowing that no matter what she ordered it would only make her sick.

I'll just wait until after I know he's ok. Then I'll get something. J.J. thought, still unable to sit still.

Grabbing a bottle of water she tried to pace away some of her nervous energy. The water quieted her active stomach, but didn't do anything for her butterflies.

He has to be ok. He just has to. J.J. thought, pulling Pete's number out of her bag so she'd be ready.

I can't call right after his match. Pete will be really busy then. I'll have to wait until after the show. J.J. told herself.

*Kane/J.J.*

J.J. sat quietly now, suddenly unable to move once the opening pyro hit. She watched as the matches unfolded. Each one seemed to take forever.

Finally! She thought, when they announced that Kane's match was next.

I was right, that bastard Vince has him in another handicap match. What an asshole! J.J. thought. I swear he's trying to get Kane hurt.

It's about time. Shit, I think this is the longest night I've ever spent. Kane thought, as he walked to gorilla position.

Standing behind the curtain, he waited impatiently for his pyro to go off.

"How long is this commercial break going to take. Damn this is ridiculous." J.J. said to the TV, as she took a seat closer to the screen.

When the last commercial ended J.J. moved closer still, unconsciously trying to get as close to the man she loved as she could.

Let's get this thing going already. Kane thought, just before the explosion to signal his entrance.

He heard the crowd go nuts, as he stepped onto the stage.

Why do they still cheer me? I've done nothing to deserve it. Kane wondered idly, as he moved down the ramp. They won't for long.

"He's still so beautiful." J.J. whispered. "He finally looks a little less angry. Is he finally letting some of it go?"

Watching him closely, she realized he was watching the surrounding area.

I haven't seen him do that since the Bossman match. He's expecting an attack of some kind. What's going on back there? J.J. wondered.

I have to focus. Can't let myself get distracted looking for DX. That's what got me into trouble when I faced Bossman. Kane thought, shaking his head to clear it.

Climbing into the ring, he set off the ring posts.

Come on boys. Kane thought, watching for his opponents.

Man I can't stand Slaughter since he joined forces with that ass Iron Sheik. J.J. thought, as she watched Kane pace the ring.

Could you idiots move any slower? Jeez you'd think I was the one with the advantage here. Kane thought, as he stood watching them move slowly to the ring.

Standing in the center of the ring now. Kane unconsciously tugged on his glove and glared at them.

"Go easy baby. These two together are really harsh. They're known for playing dirty, really dirty." J.J. told Kane, without realizing she was speaking aloud.

Slaughter slid into the ring, while Sheik stayed on the apron.

Come on now, I know damn well that you two ain't going to play by the rules. Kane thought watching them.

Slaughter circled him slowly.

"Be careful he's trying to put your back to his partner." J.J. said to the TV.

I'm not the retard you think I am Sarge. Kane thought, moving quickly so that he wasn't in the position they wanted him to be.

"That's it baby. Show them you know what they're up to. Don't let them get away with anything." J.J. said, smiling.

Care to try again. Kane thought, but then didn't give him a chance.

Kane lunged at the heavier man and knocked him backward onto his ass. Then bounced off the ropes and took him down again as he struggle to his feet.

Kane felt the ring shift and spun around nailing Sheik with a clothesline. Unfortunately while he was distracted Sarge got to his feet. When Kane turned around he got a forearm to his face.

Damn, that hurt. Good thing it wasn't lower. I have to be sure neither of these jokers gets near my throat. If they do I'm screwed. Kane thought.

Still slightly stunned, he felt himself being whipped into the ropes.

Come on baby. I know these guys are nowhere near as tough as you. Don't let them get the best of you. J.J. thought.

Kane ducked Sarge's clothesline, stopped short and knocked him into his partner. Once they were both down he introduced them to the bottom of his boots.

J.J. laughed as she watched Kane stomping on them.

"That's it walk all over them." J.J. said, still laughing.

Kane felt Sarge get a hand on his ankle and tried to pull away. But it threw him off balance and he stumbled back. This gave his two opponents a chance to get back on their feet.

"Watch them baby." J.J. whispered.

Regaining his balance, Kane prepared for their attack. Stepping back again he bounced off the rope to charge them. He felt something hard against his shin as he went to step forward.

Shit Fuji! Kane thought, even as he fell forward onto the canvas. He wasn't with them when they came out! How could I have forgotten him?

Kane rolled trying to get some distance. But he was too slow. He felt the curled toe of sheik's boot nail him in the ribs.

Fuck that isn't going to help my breathing any. Kane thought, trying to dodge the next blow.

"Look out baby Slaughter is behind you." J.J. said quietly, as she watched him moving away from the blows from the sheik.

Oh fuck! Kane thought, as he felt a heavy blow to the back of his head.

Collapsing onto the mat he felt a boot pin him to the canvas by pressing down on the back of his neck.

Damn this is bad. Kane thought.

"Oh shit, NO!" J.J. thought, watching Sheik set up for the Camel Clutch.

She watched helplessly as the hold was cinched in.

AAGggghh Kane thought, as his back was forcefully arched.

Then he felt the hands lock below his jaw. As his head was dragged even farther back, the Sheik's hands slipped further down. The pain was immediate, as was the difficulty in breathing.

Kane fought both the hold and the pain. All the while Sarge was taking pot shots at his face, head and chest.

Can't keep this up! Need to breathe, damn I need air? Kane thought, beginning to wheeze.

"Fight it baby. You can get out of that. I've seen you get out of worse." J.J. cried to the TV.

Shit, have to get…He thought, his mind beginning to become clouded by lack of oxygen.

As the darkness began to creep into the edges of his vision Kane made one last attempt. He put most of his weight on his arms and tried to bring one knee under him.

That's better. He thought, as the pressure on his neck and back eased slightly.

Managing a couple of deep breaths, Kane fought to get his other leg in a better position.

"That's it baby, keep going. You can power out of it." J.J. whispered, trying to encourage him.

That's it Slaughter keep taunting me, keep smacking me. That way you won't see this coming. Kane thought, as he changed position slowly.

On his knees now, Kane reached up with his hands, grabbed the Sheik's head and threw him forward into his partner.

Then he grabbed the Sheik and threw him violently out of the ring and into Fuji.

"Alright baby." J.J. screamed, jumping to her feet as Kane freed himself from the painful hold.

Your turn Sarge. Kane thought, turning his attention to the man in the ring.

"What's wrong baby." J.J. thought watching Kane closely. "Something isn't right."

Grabbing the still dazed man. Kane brought him to his feet and sent him flying into the corner. Then he charged in after him, knocking the breath from his opponent.

J.J. continued to watch him closely as he pummeled Slaughter.

"It's your breathing. You are breathing way to hard." J.J. said, realizing that Kane was fighting for air.

Kane grabbed Sarge's hand and threw him into the ropes. Then as he bounced back Kane stopped him cold with a boot to the face. Slaughter went down like a ton of bricks.

Always knew that huge jaw had to be glass. Kane thought, falling into the cover.

Just as the ref hit the mat for the third Kane saw the Sheik about to drop on him. He rolled out of the way and the blow landed on his partner.

Getting out of the ring Kane tried not to stumble as he went toward the ramp.

Damn it, have to get out of here before I pass out. Kane thought, heading up the ramp.

"He's hurt. Something is keeping him from breathing right." J.J. thought, watching him trying so hard to hide it.


	8. losing the light Chapter 8

Chapter 8

*Virgil/IRS/J.J./Kane*

Sudden noises to his left made Kane turn in that direction.

What the hell! Virgil thought, as he fell forward onto the left side of the stage.

"Who are you?" He asked, just before a fist put his lights out.

There's nothing there. He thought, puzzled for a second. I know I heard something.

Shit setup! He thought, spinning to look for the real attack.

"NO!" J.J. screamed, as the chair caught Kane in the face.

"Got you freak." IRS said standing over him. "I told you we'd meet again."

Where is Virgil? He was supposed to come from the left side of the stage. I'll kill that little shit if he backed out. IRS thought, knowing he couldn't take Kane alone.

Asshole. Kane thought sitting up.

Before he could do more than that, IRS backed up and delivered a drop kick.

That should hold him while I get out of here. IRS thought.

"Kane, please get out of there." J.J. thought, when she saw what was going down.

Fuck that hurt! Kane thought, as he felt himself thrown back again by the force of the kick.

He knew immediately, that at least part of that kick had caught him in the upper chest and neck. When he tried to draw in a breath and felt like he was breathing through a coffee stirrer.

Have to get out before anyone sees this. Kane thought, fighting to his feet and making a feint to IRS.

"That's it run you little shit." J.J. whispered as IRS took off.

Once he'd gained his feet, Kane wasted little time heading back to his locker room.

Just a little further. He thought, still feeling like he was drowning.

*Kane/Pete*

"I'll be right back." Pete told the other trainers, as he saw what had just happened to Kane.

This time I'm not giving you a choice. I saw that and I know something isn't right. Pete thought, heading out to intercept Kane.

Have to get back. Can't let anyone see that I'm weak. Kane kept repeating to himself, as he headed back to his locker room.

Kane was concentrating so much on his breathing. That he never saw Pete coming toward him.

"Kane, this time you come with me." Pete said, grabbing the much larger man.

Kane reacted automatically and seized his attacker. Then spun and planted him in the nearest wall.

I don't have the strength to fight anyone else. I'll just choke him out and be done with it. Kane's clouded brain decided.

"Kane it's Pete let up. Damn IT! LET ME GO!" Pete shouted.

He's really hurt! Pete thought, seeing the distant look in the big man's eyes. He's barely staying on his feet.

Pete? I know that name…Kane thought beginning to ease up as the familiar voice penetrated the fog.

Bringing his hand up the second Kane released him Pete rubbed his sore neck.

"Kane you need to come with me. You need to let me get a look at you." Pete said, hoping Kane was actually out of it enough to obey without fighting him.

Pete quickly scanned Kane, trying to see any sign of what was happening. He immediately spotted the bruise across his throat. Then noticed that it was reddened as if freshly aggravated.

Staring at the big man he saw that the skin around his mask was far too pale. Reaching out he grabbed one of Kane's hands and looked at his nails.

This isn't good; he doesn't have enough color. Even his finger tips and nails are discolored already. He's not doing well at all. Pete thought.

Kane was snapped from his daze when he felt someone grab his hand. He quickly pulled free. Turning he began walking toward his locker room again.

Have to get there. Have to.. Kane thought, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other.

The darkness continued to try to overwhelm him, but with sheer will he managed to hold it at bay.

"Kane! You stubborn bastard get your ass back here." Pete called after him.

Reaching his door at last Kane pushed it open. Then the second it was closed he locked it. Even as the snap of the lock sounded, he fell to one knee.

Need air… Kane thought, as the darkness finally won the day.

*Seth/Pete*

"What was that?" Seth called over to Pete.

"Nothing." Pete replied.

"I wouldn't call him trying to put you through a wall nothing." Seth said sounding kinda pissed.

"Forget about it. It really was nothing." Pete said, trying to get him to drop it.

"Not this time. You can't let him do that to you. He needs to be punished for it." Seth said stepping toward Pete. "If it was any of the other guys you wouldn't be protecting him would you."

I can't let him make trouble for Kane. He's already got more than his share. Pete thought, trying to think of some way to placate Seth.

"Seth I want you to drop this. It was nothing, I'm fine." Pete demanded.

"No, what if it's one of us next time. HE cannot do that." Seth said, determined to do something about what he'd seen.

"Seth, I'm senior here. You will drop this." Pete said, sounding both serious and angry.

"No, If you don't do something I will." Seth said, turning away.

*DX*

"Did you see that? It was definitely great." Billy said.

"I thought Shyster said he and Virgil were going to work together on this?" Chyna said.

"They did? What could have happened?" Jessie asked.

Whatever happened I'm glad for it. Kane would have really been screwed had he shown up too. X-Pac thought.

"Well we'll talk to IRS and see if they changed their minds." Chyna said.

"Better yet, Kid go find his ass. I want to know what happened now." Hunter said.

Sure send me out so you can discuss the next part of the plan. X-Pac thought, knowing there was no way he'd manage to eavesdrop.

"Sure, I'll bring him right back." X-Pac said, as he was getting to his feet.

They waited while X-Pac left.

"Check." Hunter told Billy.

Billy got up and went to the door. He opened it and made sure that the Kid was not outside. Then he locked it and rejoined the group.

"No guests." Billy said.

"Good. We've called in favors from several of the roster. We've also managed to bribe a few others. Between that and the matches I've convinced Vince to make, he's going to have a very painful few weeks." Hunter sneered, then started laughing evilly.

"By then you'll be ready to come back and finish the job." Chyna said, joining in his laughter.

"You must have been planning this for a while. Shit Hunter, you got this planned down to the last detail don't you?" Jessie said sounding awed by the realization.

"You expected less?" Hunter asked, his voice dripping arrogance.

"From you? No." Jessie said laughing.

A solid knock ended the conversation.

Billy got up and went to the door.

"Welcome Irwin, I saw what you did. But I have a question, why did you stop so soon?" Hunter asked snidely.

"Well, Virgil was supposed to come from the left. He just disappeared. I took my shots and got out of there. You saw how he looked when he got up. I did exactly what you wanted." Irwin whined quickly, hoping to stave off any damage from DX.

"Relax, we know you did what you could. But you'd better find me Virgil. I'd really like to talk to that little weasel." Hunter said, with a grin beyond evil.

"I'll bbring hhiim right away." Shyster stuttered.

"You do that." Chyna said, matching Hunter's smile.

*J.J./Pete*

J.J. paced her hotel room as the show continued.

I can't call yet. Pete will be busy with all the other guys. I don't want to get him into trouble for not doing his job. J.J. thought.

"Please let Pete look at you tonight Kane. You're hurt I can see it. Don't fight him, let him help." J.J. whispered, hoping somehow that Kane would hear her plea.

As soon as the credits began rolling, J.J. snatched up the phone.

"Pete, please tell me I'm wrong. Tell me he's not hurt." J.J. said, as soon as she heard him pick up the phone.

"I wish I could but I'd be lying." Pete replied, purposefully not using her name and stepping into the hall.

Oh don't let it be serious. J.J. thought desperately.

What do I tell her? He's definitely hurt, probably having some serious trouble breathing. But he won't let me near him. Pete thought.

"What is it? It looked like he wasn't breathing right." J.J. said in a rush of words.

"That's what it looks like to me too. But he won't let me get anywhere near him." Pete said, glad that he could end it with that.

"You have to force him to. Make Vince do it. Anything, but he has to let you check him out." J.J. said.

"J.J. you know if I involve Vince I'm taking a hell of a chance. He's just as likely to tell DX, as he is to make Kane get treatment." Pete said, wishing he could go that route.

"Fuck, you're right of course." J.J. said. "What can we do?"

"I'll watch him. That's all I can do." Pete said sadly.

"Yeah, I guess that's all you can do. He's so stubborn." J.J. whispered.

"But you love that about him." Pete said.

"Yes." She whispered before she could stop herself.

"I'll do whatever I can. You know I will." Pete said.

"Yes, of course I know that. I just wish there was more I could do." J.J. said.

"You could call him. Tell him how you feel." Pete said.

"I tried. He wouldn't see me. What makes you think that's changed?" J.J. said.

"I don't know that it has, but you don't know that it hasn't either do you?" Pete said. "I have to go. There are still a couple of guys waiting. Please call me again soon. We need to talk."

"Sure." J.J. said hanging up.

*J.J.*

I can't do that. If he hasn't changed his mind then he'll only be hurt by it. No I won't do that. J.J. thought.

Sitting down on the couch, J.J. stared into space.

After a while, she forced herself to get up and go to bed. But sleep was out of the question.

How can I help him? There has to be something I can do. Some little thing I can do that will make a difference. J.J. thought

She lay there throughout the night. But no answer presented itself.

*Pete*

"Take it easy would you Pete. I mean I've already got a killer headache. I don't need to hear your opinion of what I did to get hurt." Hercules griped, as Pete worked on him.

"Oh sit still. Jeez, it's only a few stitches." Pete said to Hercules.

"Yeah but you ain't the one who got a chair upside the head twice." Hercules said.

"True. But then that's why I'm the trainer and you're the wrestler. Because you are the one who gets busted up and I'm the one who puts you back together. Now sit still." Pete said, beginning to laugh.

For a big guy you'd think he'd be tougher. Pete thought.

After finishing up the last of his customers. Pete began cleaning up the training room.

"You guys can go. I'll take care of this mess." Pete said smiling. "I know you guys are anxious to get out of here."

"Thanks Pete." Lee said, even as he turned to the door.

Seth stayed a moment and looked at Pete.

"Remember what I said Pete." Seth said, and then he too left for the night.

Where are you Kane? They're all gone you can come and see me now. Pete thought, hoping that his wish would come true.

Pete cleaned very slowly. But he knew he couldn't stall forever. He hoped Kane would come to his senses before he'd finished.

Finally he couldn't keep up the ruse any longer.

I hate to do it but I have to go. He's probably already left by now. Pete thought, somehow feeling more worried than before.

*Virgil/Shyster*

"What the hell happened to you?" Shyster said, when he finally found a still dazed Virgil backstage.

"Someone nailed me just as I was going for the freak." Virgil replied, still rubbing his jaw.

"Oh yeah, who?" Irwin said, sounding skeptical.

"I'm not sure. It was dark, but he was big. Took me out like I was a two year old." He replied.

"Well Hunter wants to see you. He didn't look happy." Shyster said.

"Tell him you didn't find me." Virgil asked.

"Forget it. Right now he's not pissed with me. I'm not giving him any reason to be." Irwin said smiling.

"You know you're an asshole don't you." Virgil said.

"Yes, but we can discuss that after you see Hunter." Irwin said.

"I don't think I'm going." Virgil said.

"Sure you are." Virgil heard from behind.

Spinning around he saw Chyna standing there.

"Why did you follow me?" Irwin asked.

"I didn't. You were easy to find." Chyna replied. "Lets go, both of you."

Both men fell into step beside her.

*Mike/Ron*

"Ron," Mike said, when he'd picked up the phone. "Sorry to call so late. But I got a hit on J.J."

"Yeah?" Ron replied. "Where? What kind of hit? Not an accident."

"No, someone remembered seeing the SUV at a road stop outside Nevada. So we know which way she headed, at least initially. The person remembers seeing it the day after she left." Mike said, sounding very slightly reassured.

"Yeah I guess that narrows the search a bit." Ron said with a sigh. "Will that help you get a line one her?"

"Maybe, and maybe not. I think I'll try again to get a message through to that Pete guy. I really wish I knew his last name." Mike said.

"Well let me know how that goes. This is killing me." Ron said.

"You and me both. I can't believe she's dropped out of sight again. I thought we'd gotten her to understand that she couldn't do that to us while she was here with Kane." Mike said.

"Well you know how J.J. is. When she's hurting she doesn't let anyone near her. Remember how she was after her first crime scene shoot. You couldn't get near her for nearly two weeks." Ron said.

"I thought that was because I'd kinda forced it on her." Mike said. "But I was desperate."

"I heard her tell Chris once that it was because she felt angry and betrayed. She thought you should have known better. That you'd used your friendship to manipulate her." Ron said.

"You are kidding me. Why didn't she ever tell me that?" Mike asked sounding surprised.

"When did you ever give her the chance?" Ron quickly replied.

"Shit…" Mike started.

"It doesn't matter now. The fact is she's running. So unless we get lucky and find her. We're just going to have to wait until she decides to show her face again." Ron said, cutting him off.

*DX*

"So he says he was jumped. Billy get tonight's tapes. All of them especially those from the cameras facing the entrance." Hunter said, after Shyster and Virgil left.

"Yeah, no problem Hunter. Do you think they got it on tape?" Billy asked.

"I won't know until I see the tapes now will I." Hunter said, his voice full of sarcasm.

"Guess not." Bill said sheepishly.

*Pete*

As he left, Pete intentionally walked back toward Kane's locker room.

This is stupid. He's only going to get pissed, if he's even still here. Pete thought.

"Hey, what are you doing here? I thought everyone was already gone." Pete heard from behind.

"Oh, sorry." Pete replied turning around.

"Can I see some ID." The security officer asked.

"Sure." Pete said, pulling out his staff ID card. "Will this do?"

"That will be fine." The officer said, taking the offered ID.

Can you not read? It shouldn't take this long to verify I am who the card says I am. Pete thought, getting aggravated.

"So why are you here so late?" The young man questioned.

"It took longer than expected to get the training room back in order. I'm on my way out now." Pete replied.

"Ok. Would you like me to walk you to your car? The lot is pretty empty." The guard asked.

"Are you sure everyone left? Did you see Kane leave?" Pete asked.

"No, I wasn't on the external doors. I'm just walking the building." He replied. "But if it helps, the Sargent doesn't have us walk the building until everyone is gone."

He can't confirm that Kane left. I need to check. Pete thought.

"I think I can manage to walk myself out. I just need to check something before I go. I won't be long." Pete said.

"I'll just tag along. Then I'll be able to tell them the building is clear." The young man said.

"Sure whatever." Pete said, continuing toward Kane's locker room.

*DX*

"Ok, let's see the show." Chyna laughed once they were back in their hotel room.

X-Pac put the first tape in and hit play.

"Well this one is a bust. Put in the next one Kid." Hunter said.

"Sure Hunter." He said getting up.

I'd love to know who it is that's helping Kane. X-Pac thought.

"There it is. Replay that last bit." Billy shouted halfway through the second tape.

They watched it a couple more times before finally getting an identity on the 'big attacker'.

"Mideon?" Billy said. "What the fuck!"

"Yeah, what's going on. Undertaker takes out the Kid and now Mideon has fucked up another attack on the freak. I thought the Ministry wanted his head as much as we do." Jessie said.

"I don't know. Do you want to ask Undertaker?" Hunter said sounding aggravated.

"Hell no not me." Jessie said.

I've got to let Kane know about this. If his brother is playing some new game he needs to know. We've seen the tapes but they haven't replayed any of them, so he has no idea who took me out or that Virgil was taken out too. X-Pac thought.

*Kane*

Coming awake slowly, Kane found himself lying on the floor.

Where am I? He wondered.

Opening his eyes, he realized that not only was he lying on the floor somewhere. But it was dark.

Did someone manage to get the drop on me? I don't remember seeing anyone. Kane thought, trying to take stock of what he did know.

He quickly realized that every breath was like dragging air through mud and that each one was more painful than the last.

Wherever I am, I need to get out of here. Something is definitely not right. Can't breathe. Kane thought, struggling to get rolled over and find his feet.

First getting to a knee, then finally forcing himself upright he looked around.

Have to get my bearings. It won't work if I just wonder around in the dark. Kane thought, trying to get some idea of where out could be.

He saw a sliver of light not far away and tried to walk over to it.

Almost there, just a few more steps and I'll be able to find out where the hell I am. Kane thought.

Even as he moved, he could feel his breathing getting worse. His vision dimmed just as his hand brushed the door jam.

Good it's the door. Just another second. He thought, sliding his hand down in search of the doorknob.

Leaning on the wall with his free hand. Kane tried to keep upright, as he fought with the piece of hardware.

Locked, shit can't. Kane thought, as he began feeling his legs give out under him.

No I have to get out of here. Have to…he thought, as he slowly fell to his knees and then down onto the floor.

*Pete/Kane*

Coming around the corner, Pete tried to ignore the young security officer dogging his steps.

I have to check and see if he's really gone. He didn't look good earlier. Pete thought, still getting the feeling something was very wrong.

As Pete turned into the small hallway that held Kane's locker room. He noticed that the guard stopped without coming with him.

No light is coming from under the door. Pete thought.

Approaching the door he listened intently, trying to hear if the shower were running inside.

No shower either, did he really leave? Pete wondered as he reached the door.

Bringing his hand up, he knocked softly.

Someone's there. Kane thought, trying desperately to reach the door.

Finally reaching it, he brought his hand back to make some noise.

I just have to get some attention. Kane thought, knowing he was in serious trouble.

"Hey, I told you everyone left." The guard called from the other end of the hall.

Kane's hand knocked softly on the door, just as he heard someone yell.

I guess he's right. Kane wouldn't be sitting there in the dark. Pete thought.

"Yeah, I'm coming." Pete growled back at the impatient guard.

Pete… is that you. Kane thought, reaching again for the door.

He managed to hit it a few more times. Never producing more than a very soft thud.

So tired. Just rest then I'll try again later. Kane thought, allowing the comfort of unconsciousness claim him.

*Pete/Kane*

All the way back to the hotel, Pete couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong.

Getting back, he went directly to the desk.

"Can you tell me what room Kane is in, or if you've seen him this evening." Pete asked the desk clerk.

"I'm sorry, I don't know most of the guests." The clerk replied. "I'll need to see some ID before I can give you that room number."

Pete showed his WWF security pass and got the room number.

"I'm sure you'd remember if you saw this guy. Nearly 7 feet wears a mask." Pete said, hoping the clerk would have seen him.

"No sir. I certainly would have remembered seeing someone that looked like that." The clerk replied. "Sorry I couldn't be more help. I could ring his room."

"That won't be necessary. He wouldn't answer anyway." Pete said sounding dejected.

"If you like, I can keep an eye out for him and call you if I see him." He said.

"That would be great." Pete replied, already knowing that if he wasn't back yet something was really wrong.

"Thanks for all your help." Pete said, turning to head upstairs.

Going upstairs, Pete went to Kane's room.

I hope he's sleeping and all this is my overactive imagination. Pete thought.

Bringing his hand up, he knocked on Kane's door. After a few minutes he knocked louder.

This isn't good. I know he's not one to go out. Especially after J.J. and him split. Pete said to himself.

Raising his hand one more time, he pounded on the door. When he still didn't get an answer he knew Kane was not sleeping.

Where are you? What the hell is going on? Pete wondered.

Pete went to his room. He paced debating what he could do.

If he's not here, where could he be? No one saw him leave the arena. Is his car still there? Did he even drive? Pete wondered suddenly.

Picking up his key, he rushed out of the hotel. He raced back to the arena. Then he pulled quickly into the parking lot. There weren't many cars there.

Most of these are probably security or other staff. But they'd have local plates. Maybe I can find a rental? That would probably be Kane's. Pete thought, jumping out of his car.

Moving from one car to another, he soon found two rentals.

Well this can't be it. He thought, looking at a small Ford.

If he's still here this must be his. Pete decided, standing beside a pale blue SUV.

Looking through the windows it didn't take him long to confirm his suspicion. There in the front seat was a notebook. Straining his eyes, he tried to read the writing.

I know that handwriting anywhere it's Kane's all right. Pete thought.


	9. losing the light Chapter 9

Chapter 9

*Pete/Kane*

I don't know whether to be happy that I found his car, or upset because that means he's here somewhere, probably hurt. Pete thought, beginning to panic even more.

Turning he jogged to the back of the building. Even before he'd reached the door it opened.

"What can I do for you sir?" The guard asked.

"My name is Pete Landry, I'm one of the trainers with the WWF." He said, handing the officer his ID.

"Ok, but what are you doing here?" He asked.

"Well, a friend of mine wasn't feeling well. I just discovered he didn't make it back to the hotel. I suspect he's still here somewhere." Pete said, sounding anxious.

I need to keep this quiet. Pete thought, already thinking ahead to how he might get Kane out of there.

"I really can't let you back in." The guard replied.

Shit, don't tell me this ass isn't even going to let me check. Pete thought.

"If I have to I'll call Vince McMahon himself. But I guarantee if I do that, he will be pissed." Pete said, hoping his bluff would work.

"Well let me check with my supervisor. It won't take long." The guard said, taking a few steps away to talk into his radio.

Come on. If he couldn't even make it out of here he could be dead by now. Pete thought. I'm such an idiot. I saw how bad he looked. I should have followed him, forced him to let me look at that throat.

"Sir, I have someone on the way to escort you." The guard said.

"That's not necessary. I'm sure you really can't spare the manpower." Pete said, hoping to change their minds.

"Sorry sir, it's the only way we can let you in." He replied.

"Fine, I'll just wait here." Pete said, silently pleading for his escort to hurry.

"Sorry for the delay. I'll take you where you need to go." The second officer said.

"Thanks… Officer Cody." Pete said, looking at the nametag.

The officer fell in beside Pete, as he hurriedly walked into the building and toward the locker room areas.

"He said you were looking for someone who might still be here?" Cody asked.

"Yeah, at least I hope he's still here. Otherwise I don't know where to look." Pete answered.

"I don't know how he can be here. We walk the building down after everyone is gone. We would have seen him." Cody said sounding puzzled.

"Do you open every locker room and look inside?" Pete asked.

"No, only the common areas." Cody said, "I guess I can see where you're coming from."

It didn't take long to get to Kane's locker room.

"Why would they put someone in a locker room so far from everyone else?" Cody asked.

"Who knows? But he never minds." Pete replied, unwilling to give the officer any details.

Getting to the door, Pete tried the knob.

"It's locked. Do you have the key to get in?" Pete asked.

"Sure." He said. "I'll have to ask for permission to open it."

"Of course." Pete said, trying not to sound frustrated.

The officer called in the request and received permission.

To Pete's surprise, the guard opened the door and then stepped back.

"I hope you don't mind opening it. I know that name." Cody said, pointing to Kane's name on the door.

"I don't want to be the one to surprise him." He added, with a sheepish smile.

"I understand." Pete said, smiling back.

Stepping forward, Pete turned the knob and slowly opened the door.

"Kane…Are you here big guy?" Pete called out through the crack in the door.

"I'll just see if his gear is still here." Pete said, opening the door a little more.

"Sure." The officer said, stepping to the side.

"What the hell?" Pete muttered, when the door seemed to be blocked.

Reaching his arm in, Pete flipped on the light.

"Kane! Oh fuck!" Pete cried, looking down and seeing the big man lying on the floor.

Pushing on the door, he managed to open it enough to slip inside.

"I'll call an ambulance." The officer said, looking in the opening.

"NO! Let me get a look at him first. No need if it's something minor." Pete said.

Can't let anyone know about this if I don't have too. Pete thought.

"Um ok." The officer whispered sounding unsure.

"I need to take this mask off. He'd kill me if he ever found out someone saw him. Could you close the door?" Pete asked.

"Sure." Cody said, stepping back and pulling the door closed.

Kneeling down beside Kane. Pete felt for a pulse.

"Kane, buddy you gotta wake up. Come on! Open your fucking eyes." Pete said sternly, as he carefully removed Kane's mask.

Pete put his hand on Kane's throat.

"Not good big guy, your neck shouldn't be hot like this. Especially since the rest of you isn't." Pete said, as he looked Kane over.

Pete sat and watched Kane labor for each breath, even though he was out cold.

He's relaxed his breathing should be easier. If his working this hard now, I can't imagine how he's getting any air when he's awake. Pete thought.

"What the hell. Why didn't you come see me? This has got to have been killing you." Pete muttered, looking at his swollen discolored throat.

Kane concentrated on the voice, trying to move through the darkness surrounding him.

Pete, is that you? Kane thought.

"That's it. Wake up, open your eyes big man." Pete said, when he saw Kane's eyes flutter.

Don't let him see how worried you are. Act normal, if he sees how freaked out you are he'll tense up. That will just make his breathing harder. Pete told himself, trying to school his features.

Trying, don't go. Kane thought, as he struggled to force his eyes open.

"Ok, good." Pete said. "Now can you hear me?"

Staring at the trainer, Kane tried to understand his words. At first they were just sound then they began to make sense.

Nodding his head, Kane winced.

"Don't move your head. Squeeze my hand ok." Pete said, smiling when Kane obeyed.

"Now you listen to me." Pete joked, happy to see Kane awake.

Always a ball buster, right Pete. Kane thought, a small wane smile tugging at his lips.

"How long since you could breathe right? A week? Two?" Pete asked.

Kane squeezed his hand twice.

"That would be about the time Terri hung you up with that towel." Pete confirmed.

Another squeeze.

He's tensing up. I can see his breathing getting worse already. Pete thought.

"I don't suppose you'll let security call an ambulance." Pete said, already knowing the answer.

Forget that right now. Kane thought, clutching Pete's hand hard and keeping his grip for a little longer than needed.

"I can see the answer in your face. You don't gotta break my hand." Pete said. "But you have to relax. Tensing up is only making it harder for you to breathe."

Good, because I couldn't fight even Tori right now. Kane thought.

"Come on. Relax." Pete said.

Relax, yeah right. You try relaxing with Yokozuna on your chest. Kane thought

"OK, I give on the ambulance. But if you don't do exactly as I say I will call them anyway. Do you understand?" Pete said, intentionally making his voice as serious as possible.

What do you have in mind? Kane wondered.

"Out in a minute." Pete called through the door, when he heard the knock.

"Ok, you will let me get a good look at this injury. I mean before we leave this building. Do you think you can walk?" Pete asked.

No problem. Kane thought, squeezing Pete's hand.

Kane tried to sit up and almost immediately felt dizzy.

"Don't bother, I can see this isn't a good idea." Pete said.

Have to come up with another plan to get him to the training room and then out of here. Pete thought.

What now? Kane wondered.

"Let me help you get this thing back on." Pete said, holding up the mask.

Why? Kane wondered.

Standing up, Pete opened the door.

"Officer Cody do you think you could keep an eye on him for a minute. Seems he passed out. I think he banged his head pretty good." Pete asked.

"Do you want me to call that ambulance now?" Cody asked.

"No, he hates hospitals. If it's serious, I'll make him go." Pete said.

"What are you going to do?" Cody said.

"Well, I'm going to get a wheel chair. Then hopefully you'll help me get him into it. After that I do some tests in the training room." Pete said.

"I don't know." The officer said.

"Please… You'd really be doing us a big favor." Pete said.

Come on this has to work. Pete thought.

"I guess so. As long as it doesn't take too long." Cody said at last.

Walking into the locker room, the officer looked down at the big man now leaning against the wall.

"I won't be long." Pete said, running off to the training room.

This kid acts like I'm going to kill him. Kane thought, trying to look harmless.

"Here we go." Pete said a minute later, as he ran down the hall.

Together they managed to lever Kane's three hundred plus pounds into the chair.

"I don't think this is such a good idea. We should be calling an ambulance not taking him to the training room." Cody said, sounding really uncertain.

Don't let him do that Pete. I don't want any trouble. Kane thought. But I won't go to a hospital. If I did someone would find out I was hurt.

"Listen, he really doesn't like hospitals and he'll give us trouble trying to get him to go. He probably just tripped or something. I promise that if it is serious I will take him to the hospital myself." Pete said, sounding as confident as he could.

Come on kid give us a break. Just help me get him out of here. Pete thought, as he watched the officer struggle with the decision.

"Well I don't want any trouble. I guess it's ok." Cody said.

"Good." Pete sighed, just as they reached the locked training room.

The guard opened it without bothering to call it in. Then started to step inside with them.

"Man I hate to do this. But I can't take any x-rays with this mask on…" Pete said, hoping the kid would get the message.

"Sure, but please make this as fast as you can. They are going to start wondering what's happened." Cody said.

"Fast as I can Officer." Pete said, as he closed the door behind him.

"OK, Kane we haven't got much time. I'm going to need your help, but if it starts to make you dizzy or anything you let me know." Pete said.

Kane gave him thumbs up, indicating he understood.

"This should help." Pete said, picking up an oxygen tank and turning it on.

He quickly removed Kane's mask and set the clear oxygen mask over his nose and mouth.

That is better. Kane thought after a few breaths.

It still hurts like hell but now it actually feels like I'm getting some air. Kane thought.

"Better?" Pete asked.

Kane again signaled yes.

"Strong enough to get on the table?" Pete asked.

In answer Kane started to lever himself out of the chair. Pete immediately moved to assist him.

"Guess that's a yes." Pete said laughing, as he got Kane settled.

Pete setup to do the first set of x-rays.

"Say cheese." Pete joked, as he did the first films of Kane's face and jaw.

Jerk, I will get you back for this. Kane thought, smiling a little.

Pete continued until he had a full set of face, neck, jaw, chest and head.

"That should do it." Pete said. "I'm going to get you out of here and check them back at the hotel. If we stay any longer we're going to have trouble with security."

Kane nodded slightly. Then he took off the oxygen to put his mask back on.

Damn, I didn't realize what a difference that thing was making. Kane thought, once he'd removed the oxygen.

"Relax, breathe slow. If I have that on you while we walk out they are going to insist on an ambulance." Pete said.

Kane cocked his head slightly, waiting for Pete to spell out what he planned.

"I'm going to tell him I need to get your gear and clothes. Then I'll put the oxygen in your bag. We're going to have to walk you out." Pete said. "You shouldn't have any trouble convincing them you are drunk. Hell, you'll need to lean on me to get out."

Kane nodded slightly again.

"Ready?" Pete asked.

Again a slight nod.

"You know you really should wait until you get back to your hotel to start celebrating." Pete said rather loudly, laughing as he opened the door.

Kane picked up something and threw it at the door.

"Fine I'm going." Pete said.

"I need to get his clothes and gear from the locker room. I should have thought of it earlier." Pete said. "Do you want to come with or stay here?"

"I'll stay here. So what was wrong with him?" Cody asked.

"Started celebrating after his match and managed to bang his head pretty good. No concussion or anything luckily. But I'm going to have a hell of a time getting him out of here, and back to his hotel room." Pete said laughing.

Come on kid go for it. Pete thought.

Sounds possible at least. Kane thought.

"I'll stay here. But please make it quick. I told them you were nearly through getting his stuff." Cody said.

"And I am." Pete said, dashing off to get the gear.

*X-Pac*

I have to get a copy of those tapes. Kane will never believe me, even if I could find a way to talk to him. But I need him to know that his brother is up to something. He needs to watch the Ministry. Just as much as he needs to watch DX. X-Pac thought, as he lay on the couch staring at the hotel ceiling.

"Shit." He muttered, sitting up and putting his feet on the floor.

How the hell did I get myself into this mess? I'm such an idiot. I had a good friend and partner in Kane and I screwed him. X-Pac berated himself, as he began to pace.

Why? Because Hunter told me he could get me to the top. He brought both of us in. Learned Kane's every weakness, as well as mine. Then he used them against us. He used Kane's past and naive nature to control him and hurt him. He used my ambition to get what he wanted from me. X-Pac thought, stepping out onto the balcony.

Just when Kane began to feel a little bit comfortable and got a little happiness with Tori, Hunter put his plan in motion. Damn I wish I'd known then that Tori was just faking for Hunter and airtime. I could have protected him. I should have protected him. X-Pac thought, staring down at the street below.

I let Hunter manipulate me into hurting him too. Into attacking him publicly and humiliating him. I don't know how it happened. He said it was part of a plan that Kane knew about. A way to get in good with the Ministry. I knew as soon as Kane walked backstage afterward that Hunter had lied. But it was too late. I can't believe I fell for that bullshit. Kane could never forgive me. I can't blame him a bit. X-Pac thought, leaning over and putting his face in his hands.

But I'm still here. I'm Still being told what to do and when. But I'm no closer to the top than I was with Kane. I was happier with Kane. X-Pac thought, turning around when he heard a noise from behind.

"Planning to jump." Tori sneered.

X-Pac didn't say anything. He just brushed by her and back into their room.

Why am I still stuck rooming with queen ice bitch? Jeez tomorrow I tell hunter I want my own room. I ain't gonna deal with her attitude anymore. It's bad enough I feel like shit for what I did. I can't stand to hear her constantly badmouth Kane on top of it. X-Pac decided, as he lay back down on the couch.

If Hunter had any idea what I was thinking. He'd throw me to the wolves. He'd make sure I could never wrestle again. X-Pac thought. He's right to watch me. I can be as sneaky and backstabbing as the rest of DX, Hunter taught me well.

I can't stand to be in this room with her any longer. I need to go for a walk. Maybe I'll get lucky and she'll be asleep when I get back. X-Pac thought, as he was stepping out of the hotel room.

*Pete/Kane*

Rushing back, Pete brought the gear into the training room.

"Five minutes more I promise." Pete told Cody.

Pete helped Kane change into his street clothes and mask. Then he slid the oxygen tank into the duffel. In addition he packed several ice packs and the x-rays.

"Ready to try and walk out of here?" Pete asked.

Kane gave a halfhearted wave toward the door. Then with Pete's help managed to get to his feet.

Shit, this is going to be a bitch. I'm already feeling like I'm drowning. How far was it to the door again? Kane wondered.

Stepping through the door. Pete saw Cody jump and look up at the big man.

"Is he going to be able to walk all the way to the door? Maybe we should wheel him out to the car." Cody said.

"After everything you've already done for us and your patience, I didn't want to make any more work for you." Pete said.

"I think it would be easier all around." Cody said. "Besides if he falls again I could get into trouble."

That will make things a hell of a lot easier. But I'm glad it was his idea and not mine. Pete thought.

"Ok, if you think it would help." Pete said.

They got Kane settled back into the chair and were finally on the way out.

"What's going on?" The officer at the door asked when they got there.

"His friend was here. Seems he wasn't feeling well and hit his head." Cody said.

"You should have called for an ambulance Cody. You know that." The older officer said.

"It's my fault. My friend isn't fond of hospitals. So I convinced Officer Cody not to call until I knew if he really needed one or not. I am one of the people that put these guys back together so I thought I'd take a look first." Pete said, quickly taking the blame from Cody.

"So does he need one?" The older man asked.

"Nope, just a bed and a bottle of aspirin." Pete laughed.

Cody walked them out to Kane's suv. Then waited for them to pull out.

Pete stopped just around the corner and pulled out the oxygen and one of the ice packs.

"Big guy we got out of that one clean. But how the hell are we going to get you into the hotel." Pete said laughing. "It's not like you are inconspicuous."

This is only the beginning of this mess. I don't know how to help him. If he's as bad as I think, he can't wrestle for a while but… oh hell take one step at a time Pete one step at a time. Pete told himself.

Kane just held the mask to his face and concentrated on getting that air in.

How could he have come back for me? Realized I was in trouble and come for me after the way I've treated him? Why? Kane wondered, completely baffled by Pete's behavior.

"If you could walk in no one would think anything of you coming in late. But if we walk in together…" Pete said. "I mean you've been extra loner lately, so I think people would be likely to notice."

Hell I'm surprised that he's even letting me help him at all. Pete thought.

Picking up the notebook they'd removed from the seat, Kane turned to a clean page.

Walk Kane wrote.

"I don't know if you can. It would be really bad if you dropped in the lobby." Pete said, trying to come up with some way for this to work.

I will walk. I will not let them see me weak like this. No way! Kane thought.

Kane just pointed to the notebook.

"If you're sure. We will wait around the corner until you feel strong enough. Then I will drop you off as close to the lobby as possible." Pete said.

No I need to arrive and walk in like I always do. Kane thought.

No I drive Kane wrote carefully.

"Drive. You want to leave me around the corner and drive yourself in." Pete said sounding skeptical.

Pete pulled over and looked at Kane.

"Are you sure about this? If you pass out behind the wheel it could be a real problem." Pete said.

Won't Kane wrote.

"Ok, I know how stubborn you can be. I'll give on this one. But we pull over just out of sight of the lobby and you take the wheel. I don't want you driving any more than you have too." Pete said.

Kane gave a slight nod.

"Are you feeling strong enough to do this?" Pete asked.

With another nod, they set the plan in motion.

Pete stopped the car just a little way from the lobby doors. Then sat for a moment. Kane took a couple more hits of oxygen. Putting down the mask, Kane opened his door.

I don't like this at all. Pete thought, as he watched Kane lean on the car as he walked around to the driver's side.

I will do this. I cannot allow anyone to know I've been injured. They would surely use it at every turn. Kane thought.

"Kane, are you going to make it. You could barely walk around the car." Pete asked, as he opened the door for Kane.

Kane looked at him and Pete could see the determination burning in his eyes.

"Guess that look is a yes." Pete said. "I will be up to your room in a few minutes. Don't forget to leave the doors on this thing open so I can get your gear."

Kane nodded again. Took a few breaths from the oxygen tank and then pulled away.

I have to do this. Not only would it be bad to show weakness. But if they find out Pete is helping me he could get hurt. I can't let that happen, not after this. Kane thought, as he pulled away.

He tried to stay relaxed, to keep his breathing even. In just moments he had parked in the lot. He took another couple of hits from the tank then opened the door.

Go slow; don't show how hard this is. Kane told himself repeatedly, as he walked to the lobby and through the doors.

Almost there, just keep your ass moving. He thought to himself, as he crossed the lobby to the elevators.

Once alone within the privacy of the elevator, Kane leaned heavily against the wall. He tried to get enough air to stave off the encroaching darkness, long enough to get to his room.

How the hell could this have happened? How could I have allowed myself to become so weak? Kane wondered.

Seconds before the elevator stopped, Kane straightened. Closing his eyes for a moment he stepped out and turned toward his room.

I didn't realize the hall was this fucking long. Kane thought, staring down the seemingly interminable hallway to his door.

Just keep moving you will get there. Kane thought, trying to keep himself looking strong even as he fought to stay conscious.

*X-Pac*

Stepping out into the hall, X-Pac stopped in shock.

What is he doing out this late? He never goes out. Shit he looks drunk. X-Pac thought, as his ex-tagteam partner walked toward him.

He's stumbling a little and his eyes are definitely glazed. X-Pac thought, stepping back against the wall and staring.

He doesn't even see me. Jeez if Hunter ever saw him now he'd be fucked. What is with him? X-Pac thought, still trying to make sense of what he was seeing.

In all the time I've known him, Kane has never gotten drunk. He's had a few drinks but he never lets himself get out of control in any way. X-Pac thought.

Standing aside, he watched Kane continue down the hall and into his room.

I want to just walk over there and ask him if he's ok. I'd love to be able to talk to him again. He was always there for me when I needed someone. I wish I could be there for him now. But those days are long over. Even if I left DX today, he'd never trust me again. Hell, I wouldn't trust me again after what I did. X-Pac thought, turning to walk down to the elevators.

*X-Pac/Pete*

As the elevator doors opened, X-Pac stepped forward.

What the fuck! X-Pac thought, as he was knocked over backward.

Oh shit. Talk about keeping a low profile. Just bash into one of Kane's problems. Pete thought, stepping back then offering his hand to X-Pac.

He's in a big hurry? Is he even staying on this floor? I don't think he is. What is he doing here? Is someone hurt? X-Pac thought, even as he got to his feet.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't see you." Pete said.

Damn I hope he didn't see Kane. If he did we may as well have announced that Kane was hurt. Pete thought, trying not to let his fear show.

"No problem." X-Pac said, straightening his shirt.

Isn't that Kane's gear bag? Why would Pete have it? Is that why he's on this floor? X-Pac wondered.

X-Pac stepped into the elevator and watched Pete walk away. Once his back was turned he held the door open button and peeked out.

He is going to Kane's room. He must be hurt not drunk, has he been at the hospital since the show? X-Pac thought.

Shit I should have waited before heading down here. Fuck did X-Pac see me? Pete thought, suddenly looking around.

X-Pac ducked back into the elevator and released the button allowing the doors to close.

Shit he was watching. I'm such an idiot. We went to so much trouble not to let anyone know what was going on. Then I go and screw it up. Pete thought, going to Kane's door.

He looked like he was trying to go unnoticed. If he were just returning the bag he wouldn't care who saw. X-Pac thought.


	10. losing the light Chapter 10

Chapter 10

*Kane/Pete*

Stepping through his door, Kane started to let it close behind him.

Pete won't be able to get in. I can't stand here and wait either. Kane thought, knowing that once he sat down he wasn't moving.

Reaching down to the table beside the door he picked up the hotel pen. Then he put it between the door jam and the door.

Getting to Kane's door, Pete had to smile.

Good job big man. Pete thought, when he saw that there was a pen keeping the door open a little.

Sitting down, Kane laid his head back and closed his eyes.

Now that he's gotten me back here safely, is he just going to drop off my gear and go? Kane wondered, almost hoping he wouldn't.

Walking into the room, Pete quickly looked around.

"Guess you made it ok." Pete said.

Kane turned his head toward the sound.

Pete, that didn't take you long. Kane thought.

"Here." Pete said, quickly getting the oxygen setup for him along with a new ice pack.

Looking into Kane's eyes. Pete knew that he was really having a hard time.

"Ok, the door is locked. Take the mask off and relax. I'm going to take a look at your X-rays. If you need me throw something at the bathroom." Pete said, as he pulled the X-rays out of the bag.

Kane took of his mask and began taking breaths from the oxygen when he needed to. At the same time he held the ice pack to his neck. He was surprised that it actually eased the pain.

Pete went into the bathroom to try to read the x-rays.

This isn't working. There has to be some way to do this. Pete thought getting aggravated. I'd kill for a light box.

Kane sat quietly staring toward the bathroom.

What's taking so long? Is it bad? Kane wondered.

Coming out of the bathroom, Pete looked around the room for a minute. Turning on the TV he changed the channel to the blank blue screen.

What the hell is he doing? He's going to watch TV now? Kane thought, getting slightly confused.

"This will have to do. I don't have the light box we normally use to check these things." Pete explained when Kane looked at him oddly.

Pete held first one x-ray, then the other in front of the screen.

"No concussion, that's good news. I don't see any breaks at all." He said, as he went through the different films.

If there aren't any breaks what the hell is going on. Kane wondered.

"Well, we're lucky. No breaks anywhere. I thought that maybe you were having trouble with some ribs. Instead it looks like the muscles in your throat are very swollen. They are compressing your windpipe making it hard for you to get a decent breath. That's why they oxygen is helping. Even thought you aren't getting a deeper breath. You are getting a greater concentration of oxygen, so it feels more like you're breathing better." Pete explained when he'd finished.

Good so I'm fine. Kane thought, reaching for the notebook.

Fine then he wrote.

"No you are not fine. You need to rest and let this swelling go down. Every time you get hit there it gets worse. That's why you were ok for a while, but after every match it's been worse hasn't it?" Pete said.

How does he know? Kane wondered.

How? He wrote quickly.

"How what?" Pete asked.

Know that Kane wrote.

"I've been watching you. I'm really worried Kane. Sometimes the things you do scare the hell out of me." Pete said.

What? Why would he care? I've treated him really bad, especially lately. Kane thought.

"What are you thinking Kane? I can see the wheels turning." Pete said.

Why Kane wrote then watched Pete closely.

"Whether you feel the same about me or not I consider you a friend. I watch out for my friends. Especially if they don't watch out for themselves, and you don't." Pete said.

What does he mean don't watch for myself. I take care of myself. Kane thought, staring askance at Pete.

"I understand if you don't feel the same. You're still angry with me." Pete said, looking away. "But I hope some day that will change."

He's not making any sense. Kane thought watching the trainer.

"Any way we need to get you some time off to heal. I know we can't let them know you're hurt. We'll have to find another way." Pete said.

NO Kane wrote.

"If we don't you are going to pass out in the ring. Then you'll get killed. Even if that doesn't happen, eventually someone is going to realize what is going on." Pete said.

I have to convince him to do this. I can't let him get back in the ring. Even if I have to tell Vince he's hurt. Pete thought.

Kane pointed to the paper again.

"Kane I'm sorry, but I can't let you do it. No matter what, I can't allow you to wrestle. You could die. I won't let that happen." Pete said.

Now he's going to force me to fight him? He just said he was my friend. Kane thought.

"Ok, look right here." Pete said, holding the film of his neck and throat against the TV screen.

What about it? Kane wondered.

Please let me make him understand. Pete thought almost desperately.

"Do you see how this area is darker? It shouldn't be. This is your muscles so swollen that they are out of place. This is causing your windpipe to be squeezed. If you would just take a week maybe two off, the swelling would go down and you'd be as good as new." Pete said. "If you don't then the swelling could get worse and cause permanent damage to your windpipe. If that happens you may die, or you could just be unable to wrestle again because of the damage."

Is he just trying to talk me into it or is he serious? Could those things really happen? Kane wondered.

Serious Kane asked in question.

"Do I lie to you about your injuries? Have I ever?" Pete asked sounding insulted that he'd think that.

Shaking his head no, Kane looked away.

"Now do you have any idea how we can get you out for a week or two without telling anyone you are hurt?" Pete said, trying to get Kane's input.

How would I know? Hell I could just punch Vince in the face. That would be good for at least two weeks. Kane thought, with a smile spreading on his face.

"What do you have something?" Pete asked.

Punch Vince good two-week suspension Kane wrote slowly.

"That would certainly work… and be a pleasure I'm sure. But that does give me an idea… yeah that could work." Pete said, laughing at the image of Kane's plan.

Kane just looked at the trainer like he was crazy.

"I don't know if you remember it but after your match we had a little run in." Pete said, beginning to smile himself.

We did? I don't remember seeing anyone on the way to the locker room. Kane thought.

"Yes, I went out to try to get you into the training room. When I touched you… well it was a mistake. I should have noticed that you were pretty out of it and not grabbed you." Pete said with a shrug.

"Anyway you pinned me to a wall. Seth saw it and told me that if I didn't talk to Vince and have you punished he would. So it actually plays right into our hands. He'll go to Vince. I'll just do a bad job defending you. Then you'll be suspended, and have the time to heal." Pete said.

Do a bad job defending me? He would defend me against Vince? Kane wondered.

hurt you Kane wrote.

"No. I wasn't hurt. But you scared the hell out of me. You looked like you were about to collapse. I should have followed you and made you get looked at. Or at the very least made sure you got back here ok. I'm sorry I didn't. Hell you could have died Kane. I should have known better." Pete said, unable to look at Kane.

Scared because I was hurt, not because I could have really hurt him. He shouldn't blame himself. No reason, My fault should have known something was wrong. Ignored it myself how can you be to blame. Kane thought.

No blame on you Plan good Kane wrote.

"Have you even tried to talk since the towel?" Pete asked.

Shaking his head slightly, Kane indicated no.

"Well don't until the swelling is down. The only advice I can give you on that is take it easy. Stay quiet, rest and ice your throat. Drink lots of cold fluid. I've never seen an injury quite like this before. I honestly think you should see a real doctor." Pete said.

Kane shook his head no.

"I'm not going to fight you. I'll see if I can pick you up some more oxygen. That should keep you mobile while you heal." Pete said. "I don't know what we'll do with you once the show moves to another location. Maybe you could come anyway. That way I could keep an eye on you."

That would only get you into trouble with the other guys, or with Vince. Kane thought.

Shaking his head no, Kane pointed to the room he was in now.

"You want to stay here?" Pete asked.

That's really a bad idea. He could drop again and I'd never know it. Pete thought.

"Maybe you could stay with Andrea, my wife. I'm sure she'd be glad to have the company." Pete said.

She would after I talk to her anyway. Pete thought.

Kane shook his head no and indicated the room again.

"Kane it's not a good idea for you to be alone. What if you suddenly couldn't breathe? Even if you could speak you wouldn't be able to get help. Someone needs to be around to help if you need it." Pete said sternly.

Kane shook his head no again and got up.

Shit I pushed too hard. Pete thought angry at Kane's stubbornness.

"Ok, I'll see if I can get some more oxygen. You'll need to use it sparingly. But Use it." Pete said. "I really don't like the idea of leaving you here alone."

Used to it Kane wrote.

I know that's true, but I hate that he thinks that's normal. Pete thought.

"I don't care if you're used to it. Shit, I can't stand when you say things like that. Just because that's how it was in the past doesn't mean that's how it's supposed to be." Pete said sounding angry.

He sounds like J.J. Kane thought sadly.

Kane looked away unable to face Pete's emotion.

Why does he seem to care? He calls me friend but no friend has ever behaved like him, except J.J. Kane thought.

"Listen Kane, I know you don't like to hear that stuff so I'll shut up. I would ask one favor though. If this plan works and you stay behind I want you to answer the phone. I'll call at the same three times a day. That way I know you're ok." Pete said.

He's as bad as J.J. He won't drop this until he gets what he wants. Kane thought.

What am I going to do if he disagrees? How am I going to convince him that he has to do this? J.J. will kill me if I don't keep an eye on him. Pete thought.

Kane gave a slight nod, knowing he really had no choice in the matter.

"Ok, now all we have to do is get you suspended, without looking like it's what we want." Pete said smiling.

I'm sure you can manage it. But I'd really like to be there when it goes down. Kane thought.

"Now that we have that settled. Let me take another look at your throat." Pete said.

What is he expecting to see? Kane wondered.

Kane relaxed, reluctantly allowing Pete to look at him.

"Is the breathing getting easier?" Pete asked.

Kane nodded slightly.

"Good, the rest order begins now. Get some sleep. I'll be here if you need me." Pete said, pointing to the couch.

He's going to sleep here? Why? I told him the breathing is easier. Kane wondered, staring at the trainer.

"What? Are you afraid I'm going to jump your bones while you sleep." Pete said laughing.

Kane couldn't help it. He started laughing too. After a moment he stopped and coughed a bit.

I really missed that. Until tonight I haven't seen him crack a smile since J.J. left. Pete thought.

"Sorry didn't mean to make it harder for you. But I have to say it's good to see you laugh again." Pete said.

Now his behavior is really confusing me. Kane thought, watching the trainer.

"Are you going to make me tuck you in?" Pete asked.

Shaking his head, Kane got up and headed into the bathroom to shower. Once he was done he crawled into bed and was almost instantly asleep.

I'm glad he's doing better, but that injury is dangerous. All he has to do is overexert before the swelling goes down and he could suffocate. Pete thought.

*J.J./Pete*

"I can't wait any longer. I hope he's not asleep, but I have to find out if he knows anything new." J.J. thought pacing

Picking up the phone, she dialed Pete's number from the phone's memory.

"Pete I'm sorry to call again and so late. But I hoped you'd have some news." J.J. said, sounding on the verge of tears.

"I do, but not much of it is good." Pete said.

Oh shit. He's really hurt. J.J. thought.

"Whatever it is please tell me, be straight with me." J.J. said.

Of course I'll be straight with you. Pete thought.

"Well it's a long story. What it boils down to is that he has some serious swelling to his throat. It's bad enough that his trachea is compressed. He's not getting enough air." Pete said.

"What are you doing? Did you get him to a hospital?" J.J. asked.

Please tell me there is something you can do to help him? J.J. thought.

"No, I couldn't pick him up to carry him there." Pete said trying to lighten the mood.

I should have known the answer to that before I asked. J.J. thought.

"What I have done is get him some oxygen to ease his breathing. I also have him icing his throat hoping to bring the swelling down." Pete said. "I don't know what else to do. I tried to convince him to see someone. I bet you can guess how well that went over."

Damn, yeah I know how that went. J.J. thought.

"Can I call you again in a day or two to get an update?" J.J. asked.

"Of course. You can call anytime. I just wish there was a way to get you two to talk." Pete said.

"You need to drop that. I won't hurt him again. Not ever." J.J. said, just before hanging up.

*X-Pac*

Jeez, I hope she's asleep by now. I need to get some rest if I'm going to get through tomorrow. X-Pac thought.

Walking down the hall, X-Pac stopped outside his door.

Why is a cell ringing in Kane's room? I know he wouldn't have one. X-Pac thought, his curiosity getting the better of him.

He walked down to Kane's room and put his ear against the door.

That's Pete, and he talking to J.J. He realized.

Listening more closely, he was shocked at what he heard.

His throat is damaged? How bad is it? Couldn't get him to a hospital. Oh shit…X-Pac thought.

"Kid, what are you doing?" X-Pac heard from down the hall.

Turning he saw Hunter and the Outlaws.

Shit, I forgot they were out tonight. X-Pac thought, stepping quickly away from Kane's door.

"Hey, isn't that Kane's room kid." Hunter said.

"Yeah, I thought I could see which tapes he's watching and we'd know what he'd be able to counter." X-Pac said, hoping they would believe him.

"Nice try kid. Why don't you join us in the room and we'll discuss it." Hunter sneered.

If I tell them Kane's screwed, but they'd definitely trust me afterward. X-Pac thought, as he walked toward Hunter's room.

*J.J.*

"Why does he do this to himself? He should have gone to see Pete when he first got hurt. But no, he had to be stubborn. Now look at him. Kane I swear if you die on me I'll kill you." J.J. muttered, as she tried to get comfortable in the bed.

Baby please be ok, please. J.J. thought, sending a silent plea over the miles.

Rolling over, she wrapped her arms around a pillow and closed her eyes.

****Dreaming****

Walking through the halls, J.J. found herself searching among the faces for Kane's.

Suddenly she felt hands wrap around her waist from behind.

Who? She wondered, until she caught a whiff of his sent.

"Kane baby, it's not nice to scare me." J.J. said, turning her head to look into the sparkling eyes of her love.

In response, he loosened his grip and turned her around to face him. Then pulled her right back into a strong embrace.

"Mmm I missed this so much my love." J.J. said, cuddling closer into his chest.

Something doesn't feel right, he's holding me but I don't feel safe. It's like he's restraining me. J.J. realized in the dream.

"That's too sweet. But he's not that person anymore." She heard from behind.

"Turn her loose now." She heard.

Suddenly he released her and pushed her away.

"What's going on Kane? You are him! You are the man I love? What are you doing?" J.J. said.

Laughter from behind startled her.

"He never said he wasn't Kane. Neither did I." She again heard.

"What kind of game are you playing?" J.J. asked clearly confused.

J.J. tried to turn around, but Kane stopped her.

"All in good time." The voice said. "He's what he always should have been, and finally where he belongs."

"What do you mean?" J.J. said, still trying to see the person who was speaking.

"It's so simple, I'll let you figure it out." He said sarcastically. "I have to thank you though. If you had stayed he'd never have come this far."

"Who, what are you talking about?" J.J. screamed, suddenly trying to wrest herself free of Kane's grasp.

*****End Dream*****

"OW Shit!" J.J. cried, coming instantly awake when she hit the floor.

"Where the hell did that dream come from? Who was that other voice?" J.J. wondered aloud.

*DX*

"Ok, kid spill. What were you doing outside Kane's room?" Hunter asked, once they were alone in Hunter's room.

Kid can't lie for shit. Hunter thought, watching X-Pac's face as he spoke.

"I told you. I wanted to see what he was up to." X-Pac said, hoping they would accept it.

"You never could lie very well. That's why I waited until the last minute to tell you about the attack on burn boy. I was afraid he'd ask you something and you'd wreck it. But you surprised me. You really went for it and totally humiliated him." Hunter said, almost sounding proud of it.

What an asshole, he tricks me into hurting my partner and friend. Hunter knew once I'd done it that Kane would never forgive me. He counted on it, and he was right. X-Pac thought, still angry with himself for falling for it.

"I'm not lying. I thought I heard a cell phone and since I know he doesn't have one. I wanted to see who he was talking to. But I couldn't recognize the voice." X-Pac said giving just enough truth that he hoped they'd think he was sincere.

That's better he looks like he's telling the truth. Hunter thought satisfied that he'd gotten what he wanted. But did he tell me everything?

"Why didn't you just say that to begin with?" Hunter asked.

"I don't know. I just didn't." X-Pac said.

Good he went for it. I don't want to tell him that Kane's hurt. They'd end up using it and that could kill him. X-Pac thought.

"Fine, get out of here you have a match tomorrow." Hunter sneered.

I didn't think I had one? Who am I facing? X-Pac wondered.

"Who?" He asked.

"You'll see." Hunter replied.

I think he's still trying to protect someone. Well if it's that burnt freak I'll make sure he can't do it. He won't be able to protect him when he faces him. Hunter thought, trying to keep the malice from his voice and features.

"Ok, I'll go try to get some sleep then." X-Pac said, anxious to get away from them.

*X-Pac*

Hunter knows something but what? Shit I hate being on that bastard's shit list. There's no telling what he'll do. X-Pac thought, as he went back to his room.

Walking in he saw Tori sitting up on the couch.

"Thanks a lot KID. You just had to open that window and make it cold. Now I can't get back to sleep." She whined.

God help me. Why couldn't she have just gone back to sleep instead of waiting up to torture me. X-Pac thought, getting his blanket and going into the other room.

"Where are you going?" Tori said.

Well I guess I protected Kane from one thing. At least I saved him from having to deal with Tori. X-Pac thought, starting to laugh.

"I don't know what you find so funny. If I don't get enough sleep I'm going to have bags under my eyes…" Tori began.

Turning his back, X-Pac just walked away and tuned her out.

Have to get some sleep. He thought, curling up on the floor in the other room.

*Pete/Kane*

Getting up off the couch, Pete moved quietly toward the bedroom.

He slowly approached the bed. Trying not to wake the sleeping giant. As he got closer he watched Kane breathe.

There's someone here? Who could have gotten in? Kane wondered, straining his ears for some sound that would tell him who his company was.

Better, but still nowhere near good enough. Pete thought.

No talking, so I'd guess whoever it is has come alone. Oh hell what does it matter? It's not like I could fight them off anyway. Kane thought, feeling the person move closer to the bed.

Pete stepped cautiously forward.

Whatever the plan, make it quick. I'm too tired to deal with this now. He decided opening his eyes just a slit.

Pete, what the hell is he doing in here? Kane wondered.

Moving closer still, Pete picked up the oxygen mask and turned on the tank. Then leaning in close he held the mask close to Kane's face.

If I try to put it on him he'll wake up for sure but he needs a hit. Pete thought, holding the mask in place for a few minutes before pulling it away and turning off the tank.

Then going back into the living room, he set his watch to wake him in an hour and lay down.

I'll just sneak in and give him a bit of oxygen every hour. That should help him. He needs sleep to heal and if he can't breathe he can't sleep. Pete thought as he dozed off.

Pete continued to sneak into Kane's room and give him doses of oxygen. Never realizing that he was waking his patient every time he entered that room.

Waking up yet again, Kane realized that this time it was not Pete that woke him. He rolled over and put his feet on the floor. Then he carefully got up.

What time is it? He wondered, noticing that his clock was missing.

Standing up he felt weak and unsteady. Leaning first on the dresser then the wall he made his way into the living room. Then he moved farther into the room.

He looks like shit. Kane thought, looking down at the sleeping trainer. Why did he stay? More importantly why did he keep coming into my room and checking on me. He didn't need to do that. He should have been sleeping.

A sudden beeping startled him. Looking for the source, he saw a watch on the table. Reaching down he picked it up and silenced it.

Pete stirred, nearly waking but then went still and relaxed back into slumber.

He actually set an alarm to get up all those times? It doesn't make any sense. Kane thought, moving back into the bedroom.

I need a shower. Then I have to find a way to order some food. I'm starved. He thought.

As he let the hot water cascade down his back Kane realized his mistake. The steam was making it harder to breathe. Quickly finishing his shower he stepped out, but the damage had been done. He walked into the bedroom leaning on the wall for balance.

Relax just get some clothes on and go onto the balcony. The air will be cooler there. You'll be fine. Kane told himself, as he pulled on his sweats.

Turning toward the balcony, he felt a sudden wave of dizziness.

What was that? Pete thought, snapping instantly awake. "Kane?"

Getting quickly to his feet, he ran into the bedroom. Seeing Kane sprawled on the floor. Pete moved to him and knelt down.

"Shit Kane, just scare me to death why don't you." Pete chided his charge once he saw he wasn't unconscious.

Oh sure, I'm lying here gasping for air and you're giving me grief. Kane thought.

Standing back up, Pete got the oxygen tank and gave Kane the mask. A few minutes later Kane sat up and then got to his feet.

"You need to be more careful Kane. Until you're healed you are going to have to take things really slow. Do things one-step at a time. If you pass out you could break something, and I don't mean a lamp." Pete said, starting to smile.

Just then Kane's stomach growled loudly.

"Oh, maybe you passed out from hunger? I didn't even think of that." Pete said trying to keep a straight face.

Asshole. Kane thought, beginning to laugh himself.

Holy shit, that's twice I've gotten him going. Pete thought.

"Maybe I should turn the oxygen up. You're obviously delirious from lack of air." Pete said laughing.

Don't make me laugh jerk. Kane thought, beginning to cough.

"Sorry, I shouldn't do that. I won't do it anymore." Pete said, remembering that it was probably making things worse.

Good, then I won't have to kill you. Kane thought, making himself smile.

"So what do you want to eat? More importantly what do you think you can manage to swallow? I'm sure you've already noticed how much the swelling is affecting that." Pete said.

Kane nodded, remembering how much trouble he'd had since it initially happened.

Picking up the menu, he chose carefully.

Once Pete had also decided, he called in the order.

"So Kane when I go see Vince today they may wind up filming this mess. If they do.. please don't take anything I say seriously ok?" Pete said as they waited for the food.

Why would I? After what you've done to help me… I wouldn't blame you for any nasty shit you said. Hell I probably deserve every word. Kane thought.

Kane nodded and took out one of the ice packs.

Maybe this will help me eat easier. He thought, as he held it to his throat.

While they were eating, Pete told Kane again what he needed to do in order to heal his throat.

"Are you sure I can't get you to see a doctor. I'd find one who would keep quiet." Pete said, making one last attempt.

Kane shook his head slightly, but it was the look in his eyes that really answered Pete's question.

"Ok, damn you can be so stubborn." Pete said with a sigh.

J.J. always said that too. Kane thought, feeling a now familiar twinge of pain in his heart.

*J.J./Rog/Sandy*

Getting up J.J. sighed.

I should call Pete again. I need to know Kane is all right. But I can't keep bothering him constantly. J.J. decided.

After showering, J.J. ate and headed off to work.

Walking into the restaurant, she saw Sandy sitting at a table looking over swatches.

"Still trying to decide what colors you want the linens to be?" J.J. said smiling.

"Yeah, they're all great." Sandy said, looking up.

She looks like shit. Sandy thought when she saw J.J. I wish I could see her eyes. I'm sure I'd see dark circles.

"Did you sleep at all?" Sandy asked.

"Yeah of course I slept." J.J. said, laughing as she sat down with her employer.

"You look like you were out all night partying." Sandy said.

"I didn't go out." J.J. said, realizing she'd screwed up the second she said it.

"I thought you had plans. That's why you couldn't stay for dinner." Sandy said, sounding a little hurt.

"I did have plans. They just didn't require me to go out." J.J. said.

"Ohhh so who is he?" Sandy said, raising her eyebrows.

"It doesn't matter." J.J. said almost inaudibly.

That proves he matters he really matters. Sandy thought, hearing the way she'd denied it.

"Ok, what's on the agenda today?" Sandy said, pushing the swatches away.

From the look on her face she didn't miss my fuck up. I'll have to be more careful. J.J. decided.

"Today we get the last of the things we need to do the real changes. Tomorrow the contractors arrive to tear down that wall and open up your kitchen." J.J. said, smiling for the first time that morning. "Think they'll let me take a sledge to it?"

"I think we can talk them into it." Sandy laughed.

She must need to get something out to want to bash down a wall. Sandy thought, still watching

*J.J.*

I did it again. I must be more tired than I thought to keep fucking up. If I keep it up she'll know where to start looking for answers. J.J. thought.

"If we're going to get it done today. We need to get it in gear and go." Sandy said, trying to break the suddenly uncomfortable silence.

They headed out and hit the shopping centers.

As they shopped Sandy again tried to get J.J. talk.

"Come on, If you won't tell me who he is then at least tell me what he looks like. Is he hot?" Sandy asked winking at J.J.

"Yeah, he's incredible." J.J. said, before she realized she'd said it.

"Seriously, how tall is he, is he built?" Sandy asked.

J.J. opened her mouth to answer but stopped herself.

"I really don't want to talk about this Sandy, please." J.J. said, not able to look at the older woman.

"Sure. I'll drop it." Sandy said.

I'll drop it for now. But some day I'm going to find a way to get your guard down and find out what it is that's killing you. Sandy decided.

The rest of the day they mostly talked about Sandy's marriage and how much she loved Roger.

Jesus, this is killing me. I don't begrudge them their happiness but.. Well I know that Kane is the only one I want to spend my life with. Unfortunately I ruined that. J.J. thought, listening to Sandy talk.

Well it couldn't be any clearer. It's a love problem. She loves 'him' more than anything. But if that's true then why aren't they together? Sandy thought, watching J.J.'s expressions as she spoke.

Finally the shopping was done and they headed back. J.J. helped her bring in the packages then stayed for a late lunch before the doors opened. She ate a little but mostly played with her food. Then she headed back to the hotel.

*Pete*

Opening the door a crack Pete peeked out.

Good no one around. He thought, stepping out and heading down the nearest staircase.

He quickly made his was down to his floor.

Well that worked well. Question is does Seth still plan to force the issue. If he doesn't I'm going to have to tell Vince myself. Pete thought, hoping it wouldn't come to that.

"I'd hate to be the one who has to get him suspended." Pete muttered as he showered and changed. Leaving for the arena he was already planning his next move.

*J.J.*

Once back at her hotel room. J.J. changed and went downstairs to work out.

I can't believe I slipped like that. If I keep that up I'll end up telling her everything and making an ass of myself. I don't want to do that it would be too embarrassing to tell her how good I had it before I fucked up. J.J. thought.

She went through her usual routine, after adding ten pounds to each exercise.

When she was through. She dragged her weary ass back upstairs and into the shower.

I should get something to eat but I'm really not hungry. J.J. thought, taking a seat.

Then she sat and stared at the TV as the hours passed.

Figures not a damn thing on. J.J. thought with a small laugh.

Finally, she got herself up and grabbed the photo albums.

I'm going to wear these things out. She thought, as she leafed through them yet again.

As she leafed through the pages she let herself smile remembering how much he enjoyed everything.

Everything was so new and so great to him. I still have trouble understanding how Paul could have kept him so distant from the real world. How Kane could have grown up without experiencing any of the normal things of life amazes me. Through it all they tried to make him into and convince him he was a monster. They never saw his gentle heart or how much he longed for normalcy. J.J. thought, feeling the tears well up in her eyes.

She turned quickly to the trip to the amusement park knowing that would cheer her up.

He looked so unbelievably happy. It was the best day of my life mainly because I got to spend it with him. I think watching the world through his eyes was the most wonderful experience I've ever had. J.J. thought, even as she forced herself to close the book and put it away.

*Pete/Vince*

Arriving at the arena Pete went directly to the training room.

I'm glad I'm here early. I really didn't clean up last night. Pete thought, quickly getting rid of any evidence that the room had been used the previous night.

He'd barely finished when he heard someone walk in behind him. Turning around he saw Seth standing there.

"Hey Seth. How are you doing today? Ready for the insanity?" Pete asked, intentionally sounding as if he'd completely forgotten the Kane incident.

"I'm fine, question is how are you." Seth said snidely.

"What are you talking about?" Pete asked.

"Don't pretend you've forgotten. Have you talked to Vince, or are you going to make me do it?" Seth asked pointedly.

"I'm not sure I know what you're talking about." Pete said, purposely playing dumb.

"You know damn well I'm talking about Kane's attack on you last night. You act like I'm stupid enough to fall for your games. That's insulting." Seth said.

"I wasn't trying to be insulting. I truly hoped you'd drop it. Seth you know that we have to handle each of these guys differently. For Kane you don't touch him. I forgot that last night. It was my fault. Please don't take this any further." Pete said, hoping he wasn't being too convincing.

"Forget it. None of the others will do anything like that. I won't let him go on this and have him hurt one of us next time." Seth said. "I guess by your answers that I'm going to have to be the one to go to Vince. Fine, but I'm sure he'll want to talk to you."

"I'll deny it Seth." Pete said.

"I knew you would. So I got last night's security tape. You can't deny what's there on the tape." Seth said, turning and leaving the room.

Better than I thought. No matter how convincing I am. Vince won't believe me because of the tape. Pete thought, trying not to smile.

While he waited to be summoned, Pete made sure all the supplies he would need were at hand. Then he ordered four tanks of oxygen.

Even if someone else signs for them we lose things all the time. The extra three tanks will just be lost somewhere between here and the next city. I won't have any trouble getting them out of here tonight. They should last Kane until I can get back to check on him again. Pete thought.

The ringing of his cell broke into his thoughts.

"My office NOW!" He heard Vince's voice say the second he answered it.

"Right." He said, before he realized that Vince had already ended the call.

Jerk didn't even wait for my reply. Pete thought feeling kinda pissed.

Putting down the equipment he'd been checking. Pete headed to Vince's office.

I wish I knew what Seth told him, or how Vince reacted. Then I would know what to say. But instead I have to play it by ear. Pete thought.

Getting to Vince's office Pete knocked and waited to be told to enter. He took a deep calming breath and turned the knob when he'd heard the command.

You have to do this. As much as you hate to see him in trouble again, you have to let this take its course. Kane has to heal and this is the only way. Pete told himself, trying to kill the feeling that he was betraying Kane.

"Seth tells me you had a little run in with Kane last night. Tell me about it." Vince demanded.

How would I handle this if I really were defending him? Pete wondered before responding.

"What did he say happened?" Pete asked, looking toward Seth.

This one is always defending the retarded freak. I wonder why? Vince thought.

"That doesn't matter. I want to hear about it from you." Vince said sternly.

Checking to see if our stories match. I doesn't really matter he's already decided to believe Seth because that allows him to screw Kane. Pete thought, looking at the two of them.

"Kane came down the hall. I'd seen what happened and tried to get him to let me take a look. I surprised him by grabbing his arm and he held me against a wall." Pete said, trying to make it sound like a simple misunderstanding. "I know better than to grab these guys unexpectedly, it was really all my fault."

That actually sounds about normal for our freak. Vince thought, trying not to let his face show any reaction.

"'These guys', or Kane." Vince asked sounding unconvinced.

"Most of these guys will react badly to being grabbed right after they've been ambushed. He'd just had that happen, how could he know I wasn't one of them?" Pete said trying to sound convincing enough without actually convincing them of anything.

He's right about that, but this is a great excuse to get Kane out of my hair for a few days. Maybe even until Hunter is ready to return. Vince said to himself.

"That's not going to fly. I saw the security tape. You walked right up in front of him, and talked to him before you grabbed him. He knew who you were but attacked you anyway. He probably didn't want to be treated and planted you to get his point across. That's much more likely than your story." Vince said.

So far so good. Pete thought.

"No that's …" Pete started.

"I only have one more question Pete." Vince said silencing Pete's response. "Did he mark you?"

What difference does that make? Pete wondered unsure which answer would be best for their plan.

"What do you mean?" Pete asked surprised by the question.

"I mean did he leave a mark on you! How hard is that to understand?" Vince shouted.

"Umm no," Pete said.

I should probably check myself. I can't have Kane damaging any more crew no matter how popular he's suddenly become. Vince thought still confused that Kane had fans.

"In that case he'll only be suspended. I've already warned him that if he attacked or hurt another member of the crew he was gone. But since you are taking some responsibility for the incident and he didn't mark you… he's out until I decide otherwise." Vince said, getting up. "You two can go."

YES! Pete thought, trying to keep the upset look.

"Vince please reconsider, really this…" Pete started.

"Keep talking and his suspension gets longer." Vince said, coming toward Pete.

Pete nodded and turned to walk out the door.

The event passed quickly. No one asked where Kane was even though Vince had not told anyone that he was suspended.

If it were anyone else that just wasn't there, everyone would be asking questions. This is just ridiculous, how can these people treat him like this? Pete wondered, as he cleaned the training room.

Then adding the three oxygen bottles to his bag he walked out the back door.


	11. losing the light Chapter 11

Chapter 11

*Kane*

Going through his bags Kane pulled out all the things J.J. had given him.

I should get rid of these things because they only remind me of her. That makes me think about what happened. But at the same time I want the memories of the events attached to them. Kane thought, holding each item.

The ringing phone startled him, nearly making him drop the pendant.

Probably Pete. Kane thought, reaching to answer the phone.

No, it could be Vince calling to suspend me. If I answer it He'll know something is up. Kane decided, taking his hand off the receiver.

Kane put away the things he'd retrieved.

After several rings, it stopped. Then a moment later the message light began flashing. Kane picked up the receiver and pressed the message code.

"Kane apparently you still have not learned that you cannot lay your hands on non-wrestlers. You attacked Pete last night. After talking to him I have decided not to fire you. Instead you are suspended until further notice. Contact me in two weeks." Pete heard Vince growl.

Well I guess Pete's plan worked. Though I'd rather go and kick some ass tonight. Kane thought.

With nothing else to do Kane pulled out the game system and began to play. Time passed quickly.

Later his screaming stomach forced him to write down an order and deliver it to the desk. Getting back to his room he was not surprised that he was feeling really winded, but better than he had before.

Ok, maybe it won't take as long as it sounded. I wonder how long until I can start working out. Kane thought.

*J.J.*

He's probably stuck in one of the meetings right now. J.J. thought, looking up at the clock.

"Should I call Pete again and find out if he's even going to be wrestling? He shouldn't be, not if he can't breathe." J.J. wondered aloud.

Getting up J.J. started pacing while she worried. After a while she sat back down and turned on the TV. She flipped through the channels until she came across a movie that caught her interest. Then she sat back and tried to keep her mind on it.

As she watched J.J. found herself trying to watch it through Kane's eyes. She was constantly thinking about what he'd think of this scene or that.

*Hunter/Vince*

Hunter arrived at the arena and went directly to Vince's office. He knocked once and then walked in without waiting for a response.

"Hunter, good to see you how are you feeling?" Vince asked smiling.

"Better and better. But I'm not here to talk about me. I need a match signed." Hunter sneered.

"Who?" Vince said, already picking up a pen to write it into the card.

"X-Pac against Kane, no holds barred." Hunter said with an evil smile.

That should ensure the little shit some pain and a lesson in protecting my enemies. Hunter thought.

"Hunter you know I'd do that in a heartbeat. But there's a problem." Vince said.

"What problem!" Hunter yelled even as the words left Vince's mouth.

"Relax, I can't give it to you because Kane is suspended again." Vince said.

"Fuck, what the hell do you think you're doing. You are going to wreck everything. I had plans for that freak. But if he ain't here I can't do anything to him now can I." Hunter shouted angrily.

"Wait just one minute here Hunter. I still run this company. If he deserves to be suspended I will suspend him. You can have your fun when he comes back. Until then you'll just have to find another toy to play with." Vince said.

"You are making a mistake here Vince." Hunter said, walking out and slamming the door behind him.

*Hunter*

No way! Vince thinks this is a game. That I'm just playing with that big red freak. Well I'll show him this is no game. I don't want another toy… I want that thing out of my company and out of my sight. He has no business being here and makes us all look bad. I've tried to make him leave on his own but he won't go. Guess I'll have to try something else. Hunter thought, an evil smile forming on his face as he walked back to the locker room.

*Sandy/Roger*

"Roger, I think I have an idea why she's so sad." Sandy told Roger over dinner.

"And what would that be, oh nosy one." Roger said, dodging a blow from Sandy.

"She's in love. But for the life of me I can't understand why they're separated. I need to know more about where she was before she came here." Sandy said, obviously thinking aloud.

"Let it go baby. There's no need to make her feel uncomfortable. If she wanted us to know she'd tell us." Roger said trying to dissuade his wife's meddling.

"You don't understand, sometimes we need to be pushed into solving our problems. A little nudge in the right direction can make all the difference." Sandy said.

"No it's not nudging is meddling." Roger said, turning to take his plate to the sink. "I want no part of it."

"Fine don't help. But I'll find a way to make her feel better. Just you wait. I'll have her back in the arms of her love in no time." Sandy said, sounding confident.

"More likely you'll make her more miserable than she already is." Roger muttered, sure she wouldn't hear him over the running water.

*Kane/Pete*

Lying back on the bed he tried to rest like Pete had told him to. He took occasional breaths from the mask whenever he noticed he was struggling.

This is going to kill me. Kane thought, staring at the ceiling.

Adjusting the ice pack on his neck Kane felt himself starting to drift. His last conscious thought was to turn off the oxygen tank.

***Dreaming***

Feeling something warm and soft beside him Kane opened his eyes.

Looking down he saw J.J. curled in his arms. She was peacefully asleep.

So wonderful. He thought, trying to see her face more clearly.

Oh no, don't wake. Kane thought, when his movement started to rouse her.

Gently rubbing her back. He waited until she was once again still and breathing quietly.

My beautiful baby, my J.J. he thought, allowing the feeling of pure warmth and happiness to wash through him.

Just then he heard a baby crying. Looking up he tried to find the source of the hungry sounding wail.

"Mmm, Let's breast feed, it's better for the baby you said." J.J. muttered, slowly pulling away from him. "You just wanted me to be the one to do midnight feedings."

Kane followed J.J.'s stumbling steps into a room next to their own. He watched as she reached into a crib to pull out a small screaming and wriggling bundle.

"That's right isn't it? Daddy wanted mommy to breast feed so he could sleep while mommy fed you." J.J. laughed, before kissing the small child she held.

Looking around he saw that the room was decorated in pink and other feminine colors.

Moving closer, he watched as J.J. lifted her shirt. Then began feeding the most perfect little girl he'd ever seen. Her eyes opened, revealing their bright blue green color.

Just like her mom's. He thought, a spike of pain lancing his heart as he watched her feeding her daughter.

A girl… but whose? Who did she marry, who's child did she have! It should have been me. This should have been mine. Kane thought, feeling jealous of the scene before him.

Lying quietly in bed the first tears escaped from beneath his eyelids.

"Kane baby, since you're up could you go make sure Amrie didn't wake Cody. That son of yours is such a light sleeper and I'd hate to have him up too." J.J. said, looking up at him with obvious love.

Amrie, she and she's mine, my daughter. Kane thought, fighting the urge to jump for joy.

"Your son Kane please before he gets into anything." J.J. chided him into action.

Moving down the hall he looked into a few of the rooms, trying to find one decorated for a child. When he did he walked quietly inside.

There lying on the bed under a poster from one of his WWF photo shoots was a small boy with his auburn hair. Kneeling down beside the bed, Kane took a closer look at the child.

He's as perfect as his sister, a family… I have a family! He thought full of wonder at it all.

***End Dream***

Walking into Kane's bedroom, Pete was surprised to see him lying there with tears streaming down his face.

"Kane, wake up. Are you ok?" Kane heard Pete saying, as he was shaken awake.

Opening his eyes, Kane looked at the trainer. It was then that he felt the tears on his cheeks.

Nodding, Kane looked away feeling even more tears fall.

You don't look ok. I've never seen this type of thing from you before. Pete thought, becoming worried by the extreme show of emotion.

It was a dream, only a dream. Kane thought saddened that he'd been taken from its warm embrace.

Could that have been if I hadn't pushed her away? Would she have married me, had my children. Could she have wanted those things with a freak like me? Kane wondered, ignoring Pete's questions.

"Kane what happened? What upset you so much?" Pete asked.

Kane lay his head down and curled up around a pillow. Closing his eyes he wished for sleep and a return to the dream.

I guess he doesn't want to talk about it. Pete thought, deciding to leave him alone for now.

*Mike/Ron*

"I've got some good news Ron. She's used her ATM card. It's in a small town in Utah." Mike said.

"Great, when do we leave?" Ron asked anxiously.

"I've been thinking about that. Maybe we should leave her alone for just a little while. I mean she left for a reason. If we chase her down she may go even further and go to greater lengths to stay hidden." Mike said.

"What are you talking about? We have to see her, find out what's happening." Ron cried.

"Yeah but if we do that she will be pissed. She may decide that she doesn't ever want to talk to us. As it stands now she's just hiding out a bit. We don't want her to decide she needs to leave the country or something to get some space." Mike said.

"Yeah she could be that stubborn. But I would really like to see her." Ron said.

"We'll keep track of her as best as we can. Then when she's had some time we'll go check on her in person." Mike said, hoping he was right to give her the time.

"I don't know about this. How long ago did she use the ATM?" Ron said.

"A few days." He replied.

"So she could have moved on since then?" Ron said.

"Yes she could have." Mike admitted.

*X-Pac/Hunter*

"I'm telling you Hunter, I'm not sharing a room with her anymore. She does nothing but whine all night long. I don't want to hear another word." X-Pac said, as he paced in Hunter's room.

"Too bad. Someone has to room with her and you are the only single." Hunter said with a tone that demanded an end to the conversation.

"I don't care if I have to sleep in the hall. I am not spending another night in the same room as that bitch." X-Pac yelled, staring directly into Hunter's face.

He's getting a little defiant again, just like when Kane was around. Guess it's time to teach him another lesson. Hunter thought.

"Oh, is that right. Well around here I make the decisions and I say you are going to keep rooming with her until I decide to change the arrangements." Hunter said, standing up and moving toward X-Pac.

"Hunter give me a break would you. I've always done what you want. But she's driving me crazy. I'm going to lose it if she keeps whining like she does." X-Pac said sounding very frustrated.

"Kid, deal with it. I'm not splitting up the Outlaws because you can't handle your woman." Hunter said.

Look at that face. He hates being reminded of what he did in taking her from Kane even if the relationship was all an act on Tori's part. Hunter thought, trying not to smile.

"She's not my Woman. She never has been, that was just something you setup to get under Kane's skin. It worked, but that little part of the plan is long over. We don't need to keep rooming together." X-Pac said, trying to reason with Hunter.

"I'll think about it. Now get out of here." He said.

No way you get your own room. I need someone there to keep an eye on you. Tori is the perfect spy, who would ever think she was smart enough to pull it off. Hunter thought, happily as he watched X-Pac leave.

As the movie ended J.J. turned off the set and headed into the bedroom. Lying down, she stared at the ceiling waiting for sleep to take her away. She hoped for a peaceful night's sleep.

***Dreaming***

Once again walking the halls of some unknown arena, J.J. searched the faces. She tried to find one person who would tell her where Kane was.

I need to talk to him. I have to be sure he's ok. J.J. thought, when one person after another snubbed her questions.

"Please someone tell me where I can find Kane." J.J. shouted, but her plea fell on deaf ears.

No one turned to speak to her, or even acknowledged her presence in any way.

"Damn it! Someone has to know where he is. Talk to me!" J.J. screamed.

Reaching out she tried to grab Foley as he walked by. But he moved aside and out of her reach.

Again and again she tried to get her hands on someone, anyone so that she could get some answers. But it was useless everyone only pulled away or if she could hold them they refused to answer even one question.

"Pete will tell me." J.J. muttered, as she walked toward the training room.

Walking in she looked around. Everyone was there but Pete.

"Seth where's Pete?" J.J. asked.

The young trainer turned to look at her.

"How can you ask that? You know he got hurt. He's not with us anymore because of that big red freak. I don't know why he tried to help him all the time. It got him and his family nothing but pain." Seth said.

"What?" J.J. asked.

***End Dream***

A sudden noise outside jerked J.J. from sleep.

"Damn it. One more second and I'd have had the answer." J.J. whispered disappointed to have been woken without getting it.

"Oh what the hell. I can't stand this for much longer. I have to see him. I have to get this worked out. Even if he still wants nothing to do with me. I have to make him see the truth. I won't let him keep thinking I'm like Mark." J.J. said as she lay there in bed.

*Kane/Pete*

Lying there Kane tried to fall back to sleep, to recapture the dream. But it was useless. He could hear Pete moving around in the other room.

Getting up he picked up the oxygen tank and joined him.

"Kane, how are you doing? That looked like one hell of a dream." Pete said.

It must have been horrible for him to be crying like that. Pete thought, as he watched Kane move to take a seat.

If only you knew what you pulled me away from. I'd never even considered those things could happen to me. Kane thought, for a moment.

Then he pushed the thoughts aside.

Don't think about what can never be. You pushed her away for good reason. You could never have stayed with someone who'd done what she did. Every time you looked at her you'd remember it. Kane thought, trying to remind himself why he was alone again.

This is how it was meant to be. I have always been unwanted. I always will be. Kane thought.

"Well I got you a few more oxygen tanks. If you don't mind I'll hang for the next two days. At least until I have to leave for the next event. By then hopefully I'll be able to see some improvement in you." Pete said.

He's married. He should go and see his wife over the break not stay here with me. Kane thought.

Getting up, he went to the table and picked up some paper and a pen.

Go home wife Kane wrote.

"No, I've already talked to her. I told her I was staying with a friend that needed me. She understands completely." Pete said, handing Kane back the note.

His family is more important than any friend he should go be with them. Kane thought.

No family important Kane wrote.

"I know they are. But I feel like I need to be here for you right now." Pete said. "You won't change my mind on this Kane. You may as well accept it."

Kane cocked his head and looked at the trainer.

He looks as serious as he sounds. But why would he choose me over his family. That makes no sense. Kane thought, unable to reconcile Pete's actions with the other experiences he'd had with people.

"Please don't look at me like that. I'm not trying to play you or screw you. I want to make sure you are ok, that's all." Pete said surprised at the odd look Kane was giving him.

I didn't think you were. I just don't understand. Kane thought, still confused by the trainer.

J.J. I could understand this from. But why is he doing it? Kane wondered.

*X-Pac*

X-Pac waited until he saw Hunter, Chyna and the Outlaws head out for the night. Then he snuck into Hunter's room.

It has to be here somewhere. He thought, looking through Hunter's things.

Finally. X-Pac thought, pulling the two tapes from a small bag.

Kane has to see these, but if Hunter finds out I took them I'm dead. I'll just have to get them back before Hunter realizes they are gone. X-Pac thought, trying to get up the courage to sneak out with the tapes.

He put them into his jacket. Then he peeked out the door before slipping out into the hallway.

Once safely outside the hotel he looked for someplace to get them copied. It took nearly an hour before he found someplace that could do it.

Come on, I don't know how long he's going to be out. X-Pac thought, pacing the floor of the shop.

Finally, the clerk handed him the originals and the copies.

X-Pac paid and rushed out. Back at the hotel he dropped the copies off in his room hidden in his luggage. Then he carefully checked the floor before sneaking back into Hunter's room. As he was putting the tapes back he heard voices right outside the door.

Shit they're back! What the hell am I going to do? X-Pac thought frantically. I can't let Hunter catch me in his room.

Looking around, he quickly realized hiding wouldn't work.

Oh man, I'm screwed. I have to come up with some reason to be here. X-Pac thought.

They haven't come in yet. He thought, grabbing a blanket and pillow from the closet and rushing into the main room.

Throwing the pillow down he quickly kicked off his shoes and lay down. Closing his eyes he hoped they'd believe he was asleep.

"X-Pac what the hell are you doing in here?" Hunter yelled drunkenly, kicking the couch.

X-Pac snapped 'awake' and looked at Hunter.

"What he hell! I finally get to sleep and you go and kick me awake. What is the problem?" X-Pac shouted.

"Why are you sleeping in my room?" Hunter demanded.

"Because I told you earlier I was not sleeping in the same room with HER again." X-Pac said, trying to still sound groggy.

"I told you I would decide when the sleeping arrangements were changed." Hunter said getting right in X-Pac's face.

This might actually work; he's too drunk to think clearly. X-Pac thought.

"And I told you I would sleep in the hall before I'd spend another night in that room with her. If I can't sleep here I'll go see the Outlaws. If they won't have me either I will sleep in the hall outside your door." X-Pac said. "That wouldn't look very good for DX 'solidarity' would it."

"You little shit. Don't even try to manipulate me. You can stay tonight but then that's it." Hunter slurred. "But only because I'm too damn tired to deal with this right now."

Shit if he'd have realized I wasn't really sleeping here I'd be fucked. Good thing I got those tapes back before he came in. He thought, laying back down and closing his eyes.

Maybe he'll have a chance if he knows the Ministry is up to something too. Hell I don't know how he can expect to defend against everything Hunter's got in store for him and whatever Undertaker has going on. I don't think anyone could beat those odds. X-Pac thought, feeling real fear for his ex-partner.

*DX*

"Ok, now that we're all here except the kid we can discuss the next steps." Hunter said.

"I tried to setup a match for X-Pac against Kane for tonight but Vince says the freak is suspended. He actually had the nerve to tell me to get a new toy." He ranted.

"But he's just getting fun. We've almost got him." Billy said sounding exasperated.

"I know. That's why no matter what Vince has to say about it our plan goes forward. We'll just have to delay parts of it until the retard is back. That just gives us more time to plan it and set the background in motion." Hunter laughed.

"I can't wait to watch this go down. He won't know what hit him." Jessie said rubbing his hands together.

"Ok, now do we have the guys we wanted ready to do their part?" Hunter asked.

"Ready and willing, able remains to be seen." Chyna said.

"That's been the problem all along. We set him up and he somehow manages to escape the trap every time." Tori said.

"Shut up. He's just lucky. Hell any normal person would have been out for good after that attack with the chairs. But not him, I think he enjoys pain. He just keeps coming and coming." Hunter said, sounding more and more like he was just thinking aloud.

"Umm, Hunter babe?" Chyna said trying to call his attention back to the group.

"What!" He shouted glaring at her.

"Nothing, just wanted to know if you had any instructions on the timetable changes." She asked.

"Tell the guys from phase one to be ready for the day he comes back." Hunter said. "I don't want to give him any room to breathe."

"Consider it done." She said quietly.

"Do we get to party now?" Billy asked.

"Yes, business is done for now. But if I find out any of you got stupid and whispered a word of our plan I will kill you myself." Hunter said.

"Don't worry we won't say anything." Billy said as he and Jessie got up to leave.

*Pete/Kane*

Getting back to the room, Pete tried to be quiet. But as is usually the case, the harder you try not to make noise the more you make.

Waking up Kane heard some noises from the other room. He got to his feet.

What's that? Kane thought, still unused to having a roommate again.

Good thing I got those x-rays downstairs already. I'd never get them out past him now. Pete thought.

"What are you doing up so early? You should get as much sleep as possible." Pete said, turning to face Kane as he entered the room.

Kane cocked his head and just pointed to Pete.

"Me, I have a few last minute things to do at the arena. If you want I'll call in you breakfast order before I go." Pete said, looking like he was a bit rushed.

He looks like he's in a hurry. I can handle it. Kane thought, shaking his head no.

"Ok then, I'll see you in a couple hours. If you need something page me at this number and I head right back." Pete told him.

I'm not two. I have managed to survive on my own for a long time. Kane thought, but nodded just the same.

Kane watched Pete leave. Then he walked out onto the balcony.

Looking down, Kane watched several of the others packing their respective cars and preparing to leave. He saw their easy camaraderie.

*Kane*

Why couldn't I have been like them? I bet they don't even realize what they have they take it for granted. I wouldn't. That day I spent with J.J.'s friends was incredible. They'd just met me, but treated me better than people who've known me for years. They treated me like I was one of them. Kane thought.

He watched for a while longer, and then went back inside. After a bit he decided he was hungry. Sitting down he wrote a list of what he wanted for breakfast and lunch.

Opening the door he felt something hit his foot. Looking down he saw a paper bag.

What the hell is this? Kane wondered, pulling the top of the bag open.

Tapes? Is this some kind of prank? Kane thought, stepping back into his room.

He put the tapes down and headed back out.

I may as well have a full stomach if it is a joke. Kane decided.

Getting down to the lobby he approached the desk.

Kane waited patiently for the clerk to finish what he was doing. When he turned around Kane handed him the note.

"Sir, you could have called this in. It would probably have been easier." The clerk said fearfully.

Moron if I could do that don't you think I would have. Kane thought, rolling his eyes at the young man.

Reaching over the counter, Kane grabbed a pen and piece of paper. The clerk jumped backward as if he were being attacked.

Asshole, I ain't attacking you. I just need paper to answer you. Kane thought.

Can't speak Kane wrote.

"I'm sorry I didn't know. I'll have this sent right up. What time do you want the lunch order sent up?" The clerk said quickly.

Kane indicated the time by holding up one finger.

"One o'clock it is." He said.

Kane turned and headed back upstairs. Getting into his room he went to get the oxygen bottle.

Just that little bit of exertion and aggravation has got me struggling again. Kane thought.

Turning on the tank, he sat back and tried to relax. Before long his food had arrived.

He took the cart inside and put the plates out. Then sitting down he began to slowly force the food down his ravaged throat.

Finally he had to stop. Sitting back he put the ice pack back on his neck and waited. When he pain had subsided somewhat he began again.

If I'm to pay them back properly and survive their games, I have to keep myself strong. I will eat and I will workout as soon as possible. When I return from my suspension I will be strong. He thought.

When he'd eaten as much as he could manage, he put the cart outside. Then with a sense of dread went back inside.

Guess now I find out what the new game is? They're probably tapes of Hunter making threats or some other foolishness. Kane thought, picking up the first tape.

He turned on the TV and inserted the tape with a sigh. Then after hitting the play button sat down to see what had been left.

Wait what is this? It looks like the hallway of the arena in Boulder was it? The place where I last faced the Outlaws. Yeah, that's it. Hey that's X-Pac, who.. Mark? But why would he take out X-Pac like that. Why would he be so obvious about it? Hell he made sure the camera got a good look at him. Kane thought, thoroughly confused by what he was seeing.

He watched that tape a couple of times. Almost as if he expected it to show him more, like a reason for what happened.

Well that explains why X-Pac never made it out to the ring that night. What does Mark hope to accomplish with this? Kane wondered, as he changed the tape.

This is from the other night. Kane thought, watching his match with the Sheik and Slaughter.

Wait this is a different angle. He thought when the picture changed.

He sat watching closely as he saw events unfold. He saw himself turn to the left.

I know I heard something up there. Kane thought.

He cringed when he hit the top of the ramp and IRS attacked him. Then he rewound it and looked again.

There was someone there. Shit who the hell was supposed to help that ass? Kane wondered.

The tape ended and he was about to turn it off when the picture changed again.

This is different. It's more focused on the top of the stage. Kane thought, moving closer to the TV to get a better look.

He watched closely and was shocked by what he thought he saw. He quickly backed up the tape. Then he advanced it frame by frame.

It's Mideon? What he hell is he doing? Shit that's Virgil he just carried off. First Mark takes out X-Pac and now Mideon? Did Mark order that too? Kane wondered.

He ran through both tapes again, still shocked at what he was seeing.

Sitting back he tried to work it out.

Why would he suddenly be helping me? He has made no demands in return for this help, nor has he told me of it. Did he leave these for me to find? Was it X-Pac? Could Mark have decided to leave off, to stop trying to control me? Kane wondered.

A knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts. Glancing at the clock he realized that it was his lunch.

Kane got up and slid his mask back on. Then he opened the door.

After bringing the food inside he repeated the same eating method of that morning. Slowly he managed to eat a majority of his meal.

Then with his head still spinning with questions. He found himself unable to keep his eyes open.

Standing up he put the cart back outside and then headed into the bedroom.

Kane lay down and again tried to understand what his brother could possibly be up to.

What game is he playing? What reaction does he expect me to have? Kane wondered, knowing his brother's penchant for mind games. He hasn't even gloated about it. That's not like him at all.

*Pete*

Arriving at the arena, Pete went directly to the training room. He went through the room one more time to be sure no equipment or paperwork was being left behind.

That's all I need is to leave behind some paperwork on one of these guys. It would cause so much trouble. Pete thought.

Nothing here, that's good. Now to take one quick run through the trucks to be sure everything is lashed down properly. Most of that stuff is pretty fragile. He decided.

It didn't take him long to check the gear. He finished just as the drivers were arriving to get the convoy on the road.

"Pete, what the hell are you doing here?" One of the drivers asked.

"The usual Andy, the same thing I always do." Pete replied smiling.

"When are you going to start trusting us to tie your shit down good and tight?" He asked laughing at Pete's paranoia.

"When you can guarantee me that my x-ray machine will work when I need it and my medications won't be leaking onto the bandages." Pete said, now actually laughing with him.

"But that would save time. If the drugs were already on the bandages." Andy said.

"You are a goof. You know that?" Pete replied.

"Is that your professional opinion?" He asked.

"Just drive Andy." Pete said, pointing to the truck.

"Whatever Pete. Hey you wanna ride with us this time?" Andy asked.

"Nah, next city is a long way. I think I'll fly. But thanks." Pete said, smiling.

"Tell me about it. We ain't gonna have time to do much but head straight there." He said.

"Well you drive carefully." Pete said, turning to go.

"You're just worried about your precious equipment." Andy said laughing.

"Busted again." Pete called over his shoulder.

Getting back to his rental Pete watched the trucks pull out.

That's done, now to finish the rest of why I came out. Pete thought.

*J.J.*

J.J. rolled over trying to get back to sleep.

I can't go after him. No matter how much I want to. It would be a mistake, a huge mistake. It hasn't been nearly long enough for him to be willing to see me. If I force the issue I'll either hurt him or push him farther away. J.J. thought.

J.J. lay there and fought with herself over whether to listen to her heart or her head. Eventually her head won when she decided that she couldn't do it.

Have to get some rest. Sandy already knows something is up. If I look like I haven't slept again she'll really get on my case. J.J. thought.

After several hours, J.J. managed to fall into a fitful sleep.

A blaring alarm woke J.J. not long after she'd drifted off.

Already, damn I have to find a way to get through this. J.J. thought, as she dragged herself out of bed.

I know I'll never get over him, but I still have to live my life. J.J. said to herself, as she showered.

After dressing in old jeans and a sweatshirt, J.J. grabbed a baseball cap. Heading out the door she was still trying to come up with an answer.

"Hey anybody here?" J.J. shouted as she walked into the restaurant.

"Hey lady," Rog called out.

"Rog what are you doing. If Sandy catches you in her kitchen she's going to kill you." J.J. said.

"So don't tell her. Besides everything is turned off and put away. They're tearing it up today." Rog said.

"That's why she's hiding out. She says she can't bear to watch them do it." He added laughing.

"I don't blame her. Where's she hiding?" J.J. asked.

"Where else? She went shopping." Rog laughed.

"Alone?" Sandy asked surprised.

"No, she kidnapped Maryanne. Said it was no fun to shop alone? She told me you wanted a shot at the walls with a sledge?" Rog said smiling.

"Sure do. Guess that's why she took Maryanne." J.J. said, jokingly flexing her muscles.

"That must explain the outfit." Rog said.

J.J. just smiled.

"Well since everything is put away. I guess I'll have to go next door to get coffee." J.J. said.

"How did you know I was looking for the coffee pot?" Rog asked.

"Simple, I've never seen you without a cup in your hands." J.J. said laughing.

"Got me there." Rog said. "You really going to go? I can't leave because I don't want to miss the contractors."

"Yeah. Since you've been so nice I guess I can even bring you back some." J.J. laughed.

"If you don't I'm going to sic Sandy on you for torturing the love of her life." Rog said.

"You mean she isn't already doing that? I thought you said she went shopping." J.J. said, trying to keep a serious face.

"Oh my God, you're right." Roger said looking shocked.

Shaking her head, J.J. went out the back and headed next door. When she got back she was carrying two large coffees.

"You are an angel." Roger said, when he spotted the coffee.

"Your contractors just pulled up." J.J. said.

"Thanks." He said, grabbing the coffee and heading to the door to let them in.

J.J. took a seat and watched the three men walk in and take a look around.

Sam, Tony and Gil, J.J. thought, putting names with the faces as they entered.

"Good, you have everything covered really well. We'd hate to have any breakage or make you have to clean everything." Tony said, as he looked around.

"It's what you asked us to do Tony? Did you think I'd ignore you?" Rog asked the head of the team.

"No, but I appreciate that you did such a good job." Tony said smiling at Rog.

"Well let's get to work." Tony shouted.

The guys quickly got setup. J.J. sat back and watched.

I'd love to get my hands on that twenty-pound sledge. J.J. thought, as she watched Gil taking mighty swings at the wall.

She saw Rog walking over to Tony.

What is he up to? J.J. wondered.

She tried to listen as he talked, but she couldn't make out the words. A few minutes later she saw Tony walking toward her.

"Rog said you'd like a shot at the wall?" He said smiling.

"Actually I would." J.J. said, returning his smile.

"Anytime you're ready." He said, pointing to the wall.

With a shrug J.J. went toward the wall. Picking up the hammer, she looked over her shoulder at Rog. Then she brought it back and took her swing.

"Not bad. Keep going." Tony said, after seeing the smile the action brought to her face.

"Are you sure?" J.J. asked.

Tony just laughed.

J.J. took several more swings. She even managed to bring down a small section of it. Finally laughing, J.J. turned around and handed Tony the hammer.

"Thanks, I've always wanted to do that." J.J. said.

"I didn't think you'd do so much." Tony said. "I guess you are a lot stronger than you look."

"Looks aren't everything. They can even be deceiving." J.J. said.

"True." He said, turning to walk away.

*Rog/Tony*

"Roger who is she? Tony asked.

"Our decorator." Rog replied.

"You know that's not what I mean." Tony said smiling.

"Yeah. But I don't know if you want to get involved with her." Roger said.

"Why not? She's beautiful, even with the sunglasses on. What's up with them anyway? She had them on last time we were here too." Tony said.

How much do I tell him? Hell we don't know much about her, but she does seem withdrawn. Roger thought.

"She seems pretty independent for one reason. For another, I don't think she's your type. As for the sunglasses, she's had them on every time I've seen her." Rog said.

"What do you mean not my type?" Tony said sounding hurt.

"I don't mean anything. She just doesn't seem interested in much besides work." Rog said.

"I'll see what I can do to change that." Tony said with a wicked gleam in his eyes.

That doesn't sound good. If he hurts her Sandy will kill me. Roger thought.

"Go easy Tony, please." Roger asked sincerely.

*Pete*

Walking into the treatment center, Pete went up to the counter.

"Do you need to a doctor?" The woman asked.

"Yes, but it's more for a consultation than treatment." Pete replied.

"What do you mean?" She replied sounding obviously confused.

"Well I think I'd be better off just talking to the doctor." Pete said, hoping she would just put his name on the list.

Pete waited a while, but was finally called inside.

Picking up the x-rays, he walked into the back.

"I'm Dr. Hammond. The nurse says you are here for a consult? Are you a Doctor?" He asked.

"No, I work with athletes. I need some advice." Pete said.

"I'll take a look. What have you got?" Hammond asked.

Taking the x-rays out of the bag, he handed them to the doctor.

"What the hell happened to this guy?" Hammond asked, as soon as he got them up on the light box.

Man it's worse than I thought. With the light box I can see it much more clearly. Pete thought, looking over the doctor's shoulder.

"Several things combined. I actually need to know what to do with him." Pete said, hoping for some way to help Kane heal quicker.

"Get him in here!" The doctor said sternly. "There isn't anything that can be done about the old scar tissue. But the rest of this is really bad."

"That isn't going to happen. He won't go to a doctor or a hospital. Hell if he finds out I came here about him he'll be pissed." Pete said with a shrug.

"Are you serious? After looking at these films, he shouldn't even be able to stand. How much of a threat can he be?" Hammond asked.

"You have no idea. He's up and around. It took me half the night to convince him to take some time off and heal at all. He's a very stubborn man." Pete said smiling.

"Ok, now I know you are joking. Where did you really get these?" Hammond said.

"No joke, these are real. I work for the WWF; I'm a trainer. This is one of my guys." Pete said. "I know about the old scar tissue. That's been an issue for a while. But what can I do to help with the rest?"

"What are you doing now?" Hammond asked.

"Icing the throat, cold fluids, rest and oxygen to make breathing easier." Pete replied.

"How is he managing to eat or swallow at all? Those muscles are really putting the squeeze on his trachea and esophagus." The doctor asked.

"Like I said he's stubborn. He's managing to do it. But I can see that he's in pain." Pete said shaking his head.

"You are already doing what you can on your own. Does he realize how serious this is? He could suffocate if he isn't really careful." Hammond said.

"I told him that. I keep trying to change his mind about seeing someone, but he won't do it. The best I can do is watch over him while I can. Then check in with him when I can't be with him." Pete said.

"You're going to leave him alone?" He said incredulously.

"I don't have a choice. I have to keep traveling with the company. He on the other hand isn't going to be able to for a while." Pete said.

"He shouldn't be left alone. Can't you ask someone to stay with him?" Hammond said.

"There is no one. I tried to get him to travel anyway and just stay at the hotels so I could keep an eye one him. He won't do it. I even tried to get him to stay with my wife. He didn't even consider it before declining." Pete said.

"Well if that's the case I guess there isn't any choice. Keep doing what you're doing. I don't have anything else to give you if he won't be monitored, or seen." Hammond said as he walked Pete out.

"Thanks Dr. Hammond. I had to be sure I wasn't missing anything." Pete said as he turned to walk away.

"Wait!" The doctor called out as Pete got to the door.

"Yes?" Pete said turning around.

"Do you have some ID? Some proof that you're really a trainer with the WWF." He asked.

"Yes." Pete said, getting out his credentials.

"Ok then." He said after checking them over. "I really shouldn't do this without seeing him. But get these filled. One is an anti-inflammatory for the swelling. The other will help ease the pain."

"Thanks, that's really great. I appreciate it and the advice." Pete said, shaking the doctor's hand.

*Kane*

Waking up Kane slowly got to his feet.

Must have kinked my neck while I was asleep. It's really rough right now. Kane thought.

Going into the main room he snapped an ice pack and put it to his throat. Leaning his head back against the couch he let it sit there.

As the cold penetrated his damaged muscles the pain ebbed. Closing his eyes he ran the tapes over in his mind yet again.

I don't think I'll ever figure out what he's up to now. Kane thought.

He sat quietly for a bit just concentrating on his breathing.


	12. losing the light Chapter 12

Chapter 12

*Pete/Kane*

Getting to Kane's room, Pete knocked.

Come on big guy, no fair freaking me out answer already. Pete thought nervously.

Bringing his hand back to knock again. Pete nearly hit Kane in the chest when the door suddenly opened.

"Honey I'm home." Pete said laughing.

Shaking his head, Kane stepped back and motioned Pete into the room.

"So how was your day? Did you eat, get some rest?" Pete asked.

Pete quit acting like I'm two. Kane thought, reaching out and giving Pete a push.

"Ok I get the point." Pete said laughing.

I don't think you do. The more you treat me like that the more you confuse me. Kane thought.

Taking a seat Pete sighed.

I have to tell him about seeing the doctor. Maybe then he'll really understand how serious this is. Pete thought.

Pete waited until Kane was comfortable and had the ice pack back on his neck.

"Now that you're nice and comfortable I have to ask you a favor." Pete said, already getting nervous about his reaction. "Please stay calm ok?"

He sounds more like J.J. every day. Kane thought. Has she been talking to him? Is that why he is acting just like she always did? What did he do?

Kane cocked his head and looked at the trainer then nodded.

"Well while I was out I stopped off at a treatment center." Pete said cautiously, taking an unconscious step away from him.

You what! Kane thought starting to get up.

"Please don't be mad. I'm really worried. I didn't tell him who you were or anything. I just needed some advice. I wanted to know if I could do anything more." Pete said, taking another step back when he saw the anger burning in Kane's eyes. "He was shocked that you were on your feet at all. When I told him I was leaving you alone to travel he actually called me on it. Said you shouldn't be without supervision in case you get worse."

How could he do that? He knows how I feel about doctors. What gives him the right to talk about me to others? If anyone finds out it'll be a target for sure. Kane thought feeling his anger begin to rise.

"Come on Kane I had to be sure I was doing everything I could." Pete said, trying to reason with Kane as he got to his feet. "I only wanted to help."

I can't believe it. He would go that far to help me to protect me. First sneaking me out of the arena. Then intentionally getting me suspended, and now this. Kane thought, confusion replacing anger, as he got closer to the trainer.

Oh shit, maybe I shouldn't have told him. Pete thought, swallowing his fear and making himself stand his ground. Wait a minute that's a look I've never seen before. If I didn't know better I'd think he was confused.

Walking past the trainer, Kane got to the desk and picked up some of the paper there. Then turning around he returned to the couch and took a seat.

What is going through that head of his? Pete wondered, as he watched him cross the room.

How do I ask this? I don't know the words that he'll understand. I have to know what the hell he's up to and why. Kane thought, as he stared at the blank page before him.

Pete stood watching him for a moment longer. Then he took a seat in the chair near him.

Why? Help freak? Friend Kane wrote finally.

"I'm not sure I understand the question, but I'll try to answer it anyway." Pete said after reading the note.

"First I object to the word freak. You have NEVER been a freak. You're scary at times but no different than anyone else. I told you before I consider you a friend. That's why I'm helping you. I always stand beside my friends." Pete said.

That answers the part about why he would help me. Again he sounds like J.J., telling me I'm no freak. They couldn't be more wrong on that count. But he didn't answer one question. Why would he want to be friends with a freak? Kane wondered.

Picking up the note Kane pointed to the two words he hoped would gain him the last answer.

"Why friend?" Pete said as Kane pointed to the words.

"Does it really matter why I'm your friend?" He asked.

Yes, I need to know what would make you want to be around me, when my own family only uses me. Kane thought.

Nodding, Kane waited for an answer.

How do I answer that without sounding like an idiot? Pete wondered.

"There's never a simple answer for that question. Hell I don't know why anyone is my friend. In your case I have to say when you first showed up I was scared of you like most people were." Pete said.

It figures he should have kept that attitude. Kane thought, tensing up and preparing to walk away.

"But that was only right at first. Little by little you showed that there was something in there besides rage. I wanted to know what it was. Then after what happened with X-Pac and that woman, I got mad. I couldn't believe they could treat you that way. I needed you to see that there were people who weren't like them. I knew then that if you'd have me I wanted to be your friend." Pete said, getting up and walking over to the bar suddenly embarrassed.

Pity? You are making less sense with every word Pete. Kane thought watching the trainer.

"Oh hell I'm sounding like an idiot. What I really mean to say is that you are not what you show to others. You don't deserve the shit people keep giving you. I give up. I can't explain why I believe you're my friend. Just like I can't explain why Seth gets on my nerves so bad. It's just the way it is. I'm sorry if that doesn't answer your question." Pete finished unable to turn around.

Can he really not answer that question? Kane wondered.

I need to see his face, see if he can't face me because he's laughing. Kane thought, getting up quietly.

What's he doing? Is he still there? Pete wondered, still feeling heat of his blush on his face.

Kane kept his eyes on Pete as he walked silently up behind him. Without warning he grabbed the trainer's shoulder and spun him around.

He's red? Kane thought, noting the color of the trainer's face. Is he embarrassed by what he said?

"I'm sorry Kane were you trying to get my attention?" Pete said, trying not to have a heart attack at suddenly being turned.

Even though I obviously surprised him he didn't show fear only surprise. Does he seriously not fear me? Could he maybe even trust me? Kane wondered, shocked at the revelation.

Pete looked up into the big man's face.

He still looks confused. Hell, without out his mask it's easier to tell what he's thinking. But I still can't figure him out. Pete thought.

Without the mask! Oh man he hasn't had that thing on around me since I got him back here. Pete suddenly realized.

Kane shook his head no, released Pete's arm and turned away.

Have to clear my head and try to figure this all out. Kane decided.

Grabbing his mask Kane headed for the door.

"Kane, where are you going? Please tell me you are not going to workout." Pete called out to him.

Despite what most people think I'm not a retard. I know when to let up. Kane thought, feeling a little angry with Pete being so overprotective.

Where is he going? Shit what do I do now? What did I say that pissed him off? Pete wondered suddenly confused.

*J.J./Rog/Sandy*

J.J. watched the guys put their tools away and head out. Just then Sandy came in.

"Oh my poor kitchen." Sandy cried.

"It'll be ok baby. They'll make it all better." Rog said laughing.

"Did you trade Maryanne for something in one of those bags?" J.J. asked Sandy jokingly, when she didn't see the younger woman.

"Of course not. I'd only do that to Roger." Sandy laughed. "Maryanne had to get home."

"Well on the bright side my sweet, at this rate it won't take them long to get done." Roger said wrapping his arms around Sandy.

"How long?" Sandy asked looking at the wreckage.

"Well if J.J. does as good a job as she did today a week and a half max." Roger said smiling at J.J.

"What? They actually let her swing the hammer?" Sandy said, laughing and turning toward J.J.

"Yeah, it was a blast." J.J. said

"Tony was very impressed. He hadn't expected her to do as much as she did." Roger said. "Our meek quiet little decorator took out about three feet of wall by herself."

"Really! I wish I could have seen that." Sandy said staring wide eyed at J.J.

"Well now that I'm six shades of red. I think I'm make good my escape. See you two tomorrow." J.J. said as she turned to go.

"Oh don't go J.J. I just got back." Sandy called out.

"Really Sandy I'm beat. I'll see you tomorrow." She replied.

*Roger/Sandy*

"Roger why didn't you encourage her to stay?" Sandy asked once J.J. was gone.

"I need to talk to you about her." Rog said.

"What about?" She asked.

"Well Tony was asking questions. He seems really interested in her. I tried again to dissuade him but he seems determined to make his move." Rog said.

"What do you mean again? He's expressed an interest before and you didn't tell me. Even thought you knew she has a broken heart." Sandy said.

"Firstly, we don't know she had a broken heart. Second if she did what better way to fix it than to move on to someone else." Rog said.

"Typical man." Sandy groaned. "That isn't the answer Roger. She loves whoever it is. It's not that simple."

"Whatever! I said I tried to talk him out of it. I just wanted you to know in case she comes to you about it." Rog said.

"Roger, what did you tell him?" Sandy asked.

"I said she was very independent and not his type." Roger said.

"So you challenged him. Good job Roger." Sandy said sounding exasperated.

"She's a big girl. She'll handle him." Roger said. "I shouldn't have said anything to you."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't give you grief. You were trying to help her." Sandy said smiling and taking him in a large hug.

"Are you done picking on me now?" Rog whispered in her ear.

"Yes dear. So what are we going to do for dinner?" She asked.

"I have plans for us don't you worry. I am not so uncouth that I would not be sure that my woman ate properly, even if the kitchen is in pieces." Roger said, bending to kiss Sandy's neck.

"Your woman?" Sandy asked, tilting her head to give him better access.

"Do you object to being called that?" Roger asked looking into her eyes.

"No." Sandy said, as he took her hand and began to lead her to the stairs.

*J.J.*

Getting back to the hotel, J.J. went directly to the gym.

I probably should have changed into sweats. But these are pretty loose so I guess they'll do. J.J. thought, as she began her usual routine.

As she worked, J.J. let her mind wander through the past few weeks.

I've been away for more than a month now. But it still feels like it was yesterday that he left the room. Damn, when is it going to start hurting less? J.J. wondered, tugging her pants up higher.

He was so angry when he left. I still don't know how he could have just walked out like that. I would have at least let him explain, no matter what I found out about him. I would have listened, if for no other reason than because I love him. J.J. thought feeling her eyes fill with tears.

She turned to begin the last of her workout. J.J. closed her eyes for a moment trying to get some control. When she finally had it she continued. But she couldn't shake the track her mind was on.

He couldn't even really look at me afterward. Even those few times when we did run into each other. If I could have just…Oh hell it's done. No matter how many ifs I play it isn't going to change. J.J. thought, as she finished the last of her usual routine.

Then she turned and saw the punching bag.

It always works for him. Maybe that is how to ease the pain. J.J. thought, walking toward the large hanging leather bag.

She stood and stared at it for a moment. Then drew back her hand and punched it.

That hurts. She thought. He must concentrate on the pain to block out what he's upset about. I wonder if that will work for me?

Drawing her hand back again, J.J. punched the bag. She did it several more times, until her hands were killing her.

I don't think I like that method of escape. How can he do that until his hands bleed like they did? How could he not have known he was hurting himself? J.J. wondered, remembering the day he'd turned his hands into a bloody mess.

Looking at the bag again, J.J. shook her head.

I think I'll stick to running. J.J. thought, heading over to the treadmill.

Starting it up, J.J. stepped onto the belt. Then little by little she turned it up until she was running at a good clip. Before long she was completely zoned out.

*Kane*

Stepping out into the lobby, Kane looked around.

Place is pretty empty so early. He thought, looking at the clock.

Going out the front door he turned right and just started walking.

When did things get so complicated? It started off so simple. I listen to father and I get to hurt the man who destroyed my life. I get to make Mark pay. But now it's all screwed up. Father is gone. Mark is playing some new game and I don't know the rules yet. Kane thought.

Then there's Hunter. His game is pretty clear. Get everyone and anyone to kick my ass whenever they can get their hands on me. I wonder how he's gotten these guys to go at me. None of them have anything to gain from attacking me, unless they like pain. No Hunter has something to do with their attacks. Only question is, how did he convince them to do it? Kane wondered.

A neon light caught his eye. Looking over he saw a small bar.

That looks like just the place for me to sit and think. Wouldn't want to exert myself too much walking around. What I'd really like to do is get my hands on a punching bag. Kane thought as he entered the bar.

Moving to a darkened corner, he waited for the waitress.

Lots of cold liquids. Have to follow Pete's orders. Kane thought, as he watched the young lady walk his way. A little anesthetic wouldn't hurt either.

"What'll it be?" She asked, popping her gum as she talked.

Kane raised his hand and pointed to the order pad in her pocket.

"What?" She asked staring at him.

Shaking his head in exasperation, he mimed writing.

"You want me to write it down? First you gotta ask for something buddy." She said sounding as if he were wasting her time.

Oh this one is really bright. Kane thought, again motioning writing.

"Listen jerk, when you're done playing games give me a call. I got other customers." She said turning to walk away.

Jerk, hell I'm not the one too stupid to realize what is being asked. Kane thought, amazed that she'd talk to him that way.

Kane shook his head and got up. He walked up to the bar and picked up a napkin. He waited for the waitress to walk by again. When she did, he snatched the pen from her hair.

"What the hell? You again. What is your problem?" She shouted drawing the attention of the bartender.

Beer shot jack. Keep coming. Kane wrote then held the note out to her.

Taking the note she stared at the big man in front of her.

"Uh, sure." She said once she'd read the napkin. "But what were you pointing at?"

Kane rolled his eyes and tapped her order pad, even as he handed her back her pen.

Then he turned and walked back to his table at the back.

"Max what was that all about?" The bartender asked.

"Nothing Mason, I didn't realize he needed to write his order down. I kinda gave him grief over it." She said shaking her head in disbelief.

"You gave that monster shit?" Mason said, his eyes wide with amazement.

"I had no idea he was huge." Max said.

"The mask would have given me a clue to not piss him off." Mason said. "You really know how to pick them don't you?"

"He was sitting in the dark, I didn't see the mask." Max said.

"Beer and a shot." Max told him without taking her eyes off Kane.

Why does she keep staring at me? What are they saying? Kane wondered, trying to decide whether to just leave.

Just then he saw the woman get his order.

"This rounds on me. Least I can do after giving you such a hard time. I didn't understand." Max said hoping to appease the big man.

Shaking his head no, Kane pulled out some money and handed it to her.

"Really, it's on me." She repeated.

Repeating the gesture again he dropped the money on her tray. Then waved her emphatically away.

"I get it." She muttered as she walked back to the bar.

Kane sat there sipping his beer. The cold frothy beverage began easing the ache in his throat. The shot however didn't have the desired numbing effect.

Things just keep getting more and more confusing. First J.J. turns out not to be the person who she pretended. I have to wonder how much of what she said were lies and how much was truth. How could she profess to care for me and keep that a secret? But oh the things she showed me. She actually made me feel normal for a while. I half wish I had never met her or had that. It was so much simpler to be what I am before she gave me a taste of what others have. That will surely pass with time; at least I hope it will. I'll never let it happen again, NEVER. Kane thought, as he continued to drink his beer.

The waitress brought him another round.

Better, the shot is having its effect now. My throat feels better. Kane thought.

Pete is beginning to sound entirely too much like her. Is he talking to her behind my back? If he is what are then talking about? And why? Kane wondered.

He's confusing the hell out of me. He says he once feared me but now is my friend. How can that happen? How can he care about someone who scares him? Why is he trying so hard to make sure I'm all right? It's not like Vince would care if I dropped dead in his ring. Hell it would probably boost his ratings. He'd love it. Could J.J. be the one making him do it? Are they together on this? Kane wondered.

This whole mess is giving me a headache and I haven't even gotten to the question of what X-Pac is up to. Shit! I'm in too deep and no way to get any answers. Kane thought feeling overwhelmed.

They keep coming from every direction. Hunter, Mark, the Ministry, X-Pac, Pete and who knows which of the other talent Hunter has going for me. On top of that there is J.J. and the pain the dreams of her are causing me. Then there's Vince and Shane. I have no idea what they know about Hunter and my brother's plans. Or how much they're helping them complete them. Now I'm out with an injury, which everyone thinks is a suspension. Kane thought, beginning to feel the alcohol.

Getting up, he dropped some cash on the table and headed for the door.

This was a waste of time. I still have no answers. I was sure that if I thought about it I could at the very least understand Pete's motivation. But I don't understand it now any more than I did when I left him in that hotel room. Kane realized with aggravation.

*Pete*

Pete watched Kane walk out.

Jeez man, I wish you wouldn't do that. If he's angry with me he should just tell me not walk away. Now what do I do? If I follow him and he sees me he'll be even more upset. If I don't and something happens to him I won't forgive myself. Pete thought.

No, I can't chance it. I'll have to stay here and hope for the best. He decided at last.

Pete paced for a while then sat down to try to watch TV.

What are those? He wondered seeing the two tapes on top of the VCR.

I know he didn't go out and rent movies. Maybe they're the real reason he's so upset. Pete thought as he picked them up.

There's only one way for me to find out. Pete thought feeling guilty as he slipped the first one in the VCR.

Sitting back, he watched completely confused at what he was seeing.

That looks like X-Pac, but why does the camera look granny and slightly out of focus. Vince would never stand for such sloppy filming. He thought.

What the hell? Undertaker just took out X-Pac? Is this that day he was found unconscious outside the arena? Pete wondered. If so then how did it get on film? Why did Undertaker turn toward the camera and how did Kane get this tape? Pete asked himself, as he rewound the tape to watch it again.

After watching it again, he pulled that tape out and put in the other.

Oh this is just the other night. Pete thought, as he watched Kane's match with Sheik and Slaughter.

Pete watched cringing every time one of them got near Kane's throat.

How could Kane not have passed out there? Sheik has his hands on his neck in that camel clutch. Why didn't the ref stop it? Pete wondered.

He was amazed to see Kane power out of the move despite his obvious distress.

I don't know how no one else has seen the trouble he's having. Or do they just not know him well enough to see a difference. Pete wondered. Would it have been missed if it were someone else? But then again someone else would have come to see us it they were hurt.

Damn it Kane! Why do you have to be this way? Pete thought, as he watched the match end.

Why did he look over to the left? Did he see or hear something? Pete wondered.

He rewound the tape and replayed just that part.

I think I saw something over there. But who or what was it? Pete thought, allowing the tape to continue.

He flinched when IRS attacked Kane from the right.

Damn that must have been the last straw. Pete thought, as he saw IRS' foot partly connected with Kane's throat.

He watched the big man stagger to his feet and begin to go after his attacker. But then turn away when IRS made a run for it.

How is he even standing at that point? He has got to be fighting for air. Pete thought.

He stopped the tape and let their meeting backstage replay in his mind.

That must have been why he grabbed me. He was probably only half conscious from lack of oxygen. Shit! I should have stopped him then. Pete berated himself.

Pete went to hit the rewind button but hit fast-forward accidentally.

What's this? He wondered, when he saw the angle change.

He rewound it a bit and watched the attack from a new angle.

There was someone there and Mideon grabbed him? Was that Virgil? Pete wondered. What is going on here? I thought Kane and the Undertaker were through. If that's the case why is Undertaker helping Kane. Pete thought beginning to feel confused at the contradiction between actions and attitude.

Is this why he was so quick to get upset? Is he as confused by all this as I am? Or did Undertaker leave these so Kane would know what he'd done for him? Pete thought.

He made sure to rewind both tapes and put them back as they were.

I think that's how I found them. Pete thought hopefully.

Is this how it always is for him; alone and trying to figure out who's going to screw with him next? If it is then no wonder he's so unwilling to trust anyone. Pete thought.

Pete felt himself growing angry that everyone treated Kane this way.

I don't know even a fraction of what his life was like as a child or is really like now. I wish he'd stop fighting me so much and let me help him. He has to realize that I'm on his side. But if he knew I was still keeping J.J. informed he would never believe that. I really think those two belong together no matter what their fight was about. Pete thought pacing around the hotel room one more time.

*J.J./Pete*

Getting back upstairs J.J. showered then forced herself to order room service. When it arrived she picked at it for a while without actually eating very much.

She finally gave up and put the tray outside the door. Then she sat back and tried to relax watching TV.

This isn't working. She realized when she couldn't follow the story.

She got up and searched her bag for a book. Then she sat back down and tried to read.

She grew frustrated after she'd read several pages but couldn't remember one of them.

I can't wait any longer. Maybe if I know he's ok I'll be able to concentrate on something else. J.J. thought, as she walked to the phone.

"Pete." J.J. said when the phone was answered.

"Yeah J.J." Pete said sounding distracted.

His voice doesn't sound right. J.J. realized, as soon as she heard it.

"Did I call at a bad time? Is he there with you?" J.J. asked.

"No, and he's not here." Pete replied.

I wish I knew where he was. Pete thought.

"You don't sound right what's going on." J.J. said.

"Just thinking, nothing serious." Pete said. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. I'm calling to see how Kane is." She replied.

"I figured that. He's doing a little better. I've managed to get him suspended so he can heal without anyone knowing he was hurt. I think the ice is helping to bring down the swelling because he seems to be breathing marginally better." Pete said.

"That's good news. How did you get him suspended?" J.J. asked.

Pete explained the way things had happened.

"I can't believe you did that." J.J. said.

"Had to do something. He wanted to punch Vince to get the time off." Pete said.

"Oh I can just imagine how that would have gone." J.J. said laughing.

"Would have been fun to watch." Pete said.

He still isn't really with me here. J.J. thought.

"If the news is good why do you sound so distracted." J.J. asked.

"Well, I really pissed him off tonight. I was worried that I wasn't doing enough to help him. So while I was out today I went by a treatment center. The doctor couldn't believe what he was seeing. He was even more shocked to find out the patient was up and walking around." Pete said.

I can't believe he'd do that. It must be more serious than he's telling me. J.J. thought.

"So did he give you any advice?" J.J. asked.

"Yeah, that I should get him to a hospital." Pete said with a small sad chuckle.

"Well that isn't going to happen is it?" J.J. said.

"No, I told him there was no way that could happen. He wasn't pleased to hear that. He was more pissed when I told him I had to leave him alone." Pete said, sounding upset.

Just like the dream, he's alone when he needs someone most. J.J. thought.

"Is there anything else you can do?" J.J. asked.

"No, I tried to get him to travel anyway or stay with my wife but he flat out refuses. I have to go J.J., I can't lose the pay." He replied. "You could always come watch over him."

"Pete, let that go. He would only get really pissed if I showed up. That wouldn't be good for him either." J.J. said sounding up set.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm worried about him. Best idea I could come up with was to call him every day or so to check in." Pete said.

"Did you convince him to actually answer the phone?" J.J. said sounding amazed.

"Took some doing, but he'll answer. I'm not sure that will be enough. I'm afraid he'll push to hard." Pete replied.

"Yeah you sound it. You said you pissed him off. What happened?" J.J. asked.

"I told him about the doctor." He said.

"You told him?" J.J. said, surprised that he'd do that.

"Yeah I didn't want to take the chance that he would find out another way. I couldn't take the thought that he'd feel betrayed." Pete said.

"Hey I'm not faulting you. I would have done the same thing. Its what I should have done with everything." J.J. said.

"Vince seemed really pissed when he suspended him, so it will probably be two weeks. If we're lucky it'll be longer. I don't know how long this will take to heal." Pete said still sounding worried.

"Oh, it's more serious than you're letting on isn't it." J.J. asked softly.

"It's really serious." Pete said. "I could call you after I talk to him if you'd give me a number where I can reach you."

Maybe she'll finally give me a number is she's worried enough. Pete thought.

"I can't do that. I'll call Pete. I couldn't stand it if I didn't know." J.J. whispered.

I can't chance that Kane will find out I've been talking to him or find the number. J.J. thought.

"Ok, but I really wish you would. I would feel better if I had some backup here." Pete said.

"I'm here Pete." J.J. said, just before hanging up.

*Kane/Pete*

"Yeah you're here. But I can't reach you." Pete muttered, when he heard her hang up.

Pete started pacing alternately muttering about stubborn women and how incredibly stubborn Kane was.

"They belong together if any two people ever did. But do they see it NO. He walks away and she's too stubborn to chase him. If they would just get together for five minutes…" Pete muttered as he paced.

He stopped his tirade short when he heard a loud bang on the door.

Kane? Pete thought going to the door.

He opened it to find Kane leaning on the door jam trying to use the key.

"Get in here Kane. You've had me worried sick." Pete said.

Shut up! Enough. Kane thought, reaching out for Pete

"I was beginning to think…" Pete started but was cut off when Kane reached out and covered his mouth.

What's he doing? Pete wondered.

Kane released Pete and walked into the main room. Pete turned around to see Kane writing.

Good at least he's going to tell me what the hell is going on around here. Pete thought, moving to take a seat near him.

Not my keeper don't need keeper. Kane wrote.

"What are you talking about? I'm not trying to be your keeper." Pete said after reading the note.

Yes trying. Kane thought.

Getting up Kane shook his head no and then turned his back on Pete.

"Kane where were you? What happened to make you act like this?" Pete asked.

Kane didn't turn around. Didn't move.

"Kane talk to me. Please don't turn your back on me like this. I don't understand." Pete said stepping closer to the giant.

Not retard handle myself. Kane thought staring.

"Kane you've been drinking. Let's talk about this in the morning. I have to leave for the airport at ten. We can talk over breakfast." Pete said.

Sleep isn't going to change it. I'm capable of taking care of myself. Don't need a keeper. Kane thought angrily.

Reaching out Pete grabbed Kane's arm.

Back off! Kane thought.

Kane spun around and shoved Pete away. The action threw Kane off balance and he stumbled backward.

"Ok, I get it. Leave you alone." Pete said getting up.

*J.J.*

Crawling into bed, J.J. stared at the ceiling.

I should have given Pete my number. What would happen if Pete needed me to help? What if Kane needed me? J.J. thought feeling her anxiety rise.

"Yeah, I'll get a cell. Then he can reach me but still won't know where I am?" J.J. said to herself.

Lying back down, J.J. rolled over and tried to sleep.

*****Dreaming*****

J.J. stared into the fire, watching the flames jump and dance.

A fake fire? Who'd have thought it? When he gave it to me I couldn't believe it. J.J. thought, as she pulled her knees up.

It makes sense though. Kane hates fire; I could never have a real one. J.J. thought.

Just then she felt the couch she was leaning on move. She felt Kane's large hands kneading her shoulders.

She could feel the slight tremor in them, even though he tried to hide it.

"Baby if this bothers you why did you get the tape for me?" J.J. asked feeling confused.

"You like." He said, the harsh sound of his mechanical voice tearing at J.J.'s heart.

It's fire that made his voice like that. J.J. was reminded.

"But I don't like anything that makes you uncomfortable baby." J.J. said, reaching out and turning off the faux flames.

Reaching up to touch his hand, J.J. could feel him begin to relax and even hear his breathing even out.

Standing up, J.J. turned to face him.

"Baby, no matter what happens. I only want the best for you. I want you to be happy, safe and most of all to feel loved." J.J. said.

Kane turned his gaze to her and she saw him smile.

J.J. reached out to cup his cheek, but her hand went right through him. Even as she watched, he began to fade away. Until she was staring at an empty couch where he'd been moments before.

"Kane?" J.J. said. "How did you do that? Baby where are you?"

She began searching the room. But soon found that the effort was wasted. He was nowhere to be found.

"NOOOO!" J.J. screamed falling to her knees.

***End Dream***

J.J. woke with a start to someone pounding on the wall.

"Sorry." She called out, embarrassed to have disturbed her neighbors.


	13. losing the light Chapter 13

Chapter 13

*Kane*

Kane stormed into the bedroom and slammed the door.

He felt a wave of dizziness, but couldn't tell if it was the alcohol or the fact that his breathing sounded like a freight train.

He tore his shirt off and quickly dispatched with the rest of his clothes. Then he yanked on a pair of sweats and climbed into bed.

I will figure this out. I have to. He thought, lying back and staring at the ceiling.

It wasn't long before the combination of liquor and stress had him dozing off.

****Dreaming****

Kane felt the sunshine on his face and turned toward it.

I'm not wearing my mask? Kane thought, surprised.

"Come on daddy catch." He heard.

Turning his face toward the sound. He saw a small boy with auburn hair holding a miniature football.

Daddy? He thought, standing and staring at the child.

A ball bouncing off his stomach made him jump.

"You supposta catched it daddy." The child said indignantly.

Kane shrugged and reached down to pick up the ball. Holding it, he looked again at the boy.

"Stop teasing daddy." The child laughed, when Kane cocked his head and looked at him.

Kane couldn't take his eyes off the small boy. Moving closer to him, Kane could see he had sparkling blue green eyes.

I know those eyes. Kane thought, keeping his eyes on the child.

"Mommy! Daddy being silly. He won't play right." The child cried out startling Kane.

"Now boys, if you can't behave I'll have to send you to your rooms." Kane heard.

Turning, he saw J.J. standing on the porch. She was leaning against the railing.

"I am being having he's bein silly." The child cried out, pointing at Kane.

J.J. stepped down and began walking toward them.

"Now Cody, you know how much daddy likes to tease." J.J. said.

Kane just watched her get closer, unable to stop the tears from filling his eyes.

"But he's going to be good now isn't he." J.J. said teasingly, while waggling her finger at Kane.

Kane let the ball drop from suddenly nerveless fingers. He took one giant stride forward and enveloped her in his arms.

Crushing her to him, Kane inhaled her scent deeply and felt the tears begin to fall.

Overcome by the strength of his emotion. Kane sank to his knees taking J.J. with him.

"Mommy, what's wrong? How come daddy crying?" Cody wailed his own tears beginning to fall.

"Kane, baby you're scaring your son. What's wrong?" J.J. said, reaching up to wipe away his tears.

He buried his face in her neck, unable to stop the tears or release her, but not wanting to keep scaring the boy.

"It's ok Cody. Daddy is just tired. He probably needs a nap. Do you think you could get him to lay down with you?" J.J. asked, trying to calm her son.

"Lets go daddy. I'll tell you a tory and then we can seep. You gots tired eyes." Cody said, tugging on Kane's shirt.

When he didn't respond Cody began to push against his arm.

"Daddy… Daddy." Kane heard, feeling himself being shaken.

***End Dream***

*Pete/Kane*

Oh shit.. What's up with him lately? This is twice I've caught him crying in his sleep. Is he in pain but won't show it while he's awake? Could that be what's going on? Pete wondered deciding to wake him.

"Kane! Wake up man. Can you hear me? Are you in pain?" Pete asked, trying desperately to wake the big man.

Jumping awake, Kane looked up into the worried eyes of the trainer.

I don't know how much longer I can take these dreams taunting me with things I'll never have. Kane thought, reaching up to wipe the tears from his face.

Shaking his head no. He turned away from Pete and reached for his mask.

Just leave me alone. Kane thought, still confused by the trainer.

"I have to leave soon. I understand if you don't want to talk to me about last night. I'm sorry I pushed, I shouldn't have. The doctor I saw yesterday gave me a couple of prescriptions for you. One is for the swelling and the other is for the pain. I filled them and left the bottles in the other room. I know you are perfectly capable of handling yourself and don't need me dogging you. But I've taken care of people so long sometimes I go too far." Pete said.

Kane kept his back turned and slid the mask in place.

Says I can handle myself, but still can't help but take care of me as if I couldn't. Kane thought.

"Kane like we discussed I'll call tonight. I really have to go, please take care of yourself." Pete said turning to go.

Kane please don't pull away like this. I finally got close enough to help you and now you are pulling back. Pete thought, sadly as he took one more look at the big man on the bed.

Just go leave me alone like it should be. It's less confusing that way. Kane thought. Alone hurts less.

Kane lay there listening to Pete finish packing and leave.

*J.J.*

Crawling out of bed, J.J. jumped in the shower.

"I wonder if they'll let me take another shot at that wall. It really did feel great." J.J. thought smiling, as she dried herself off.

On the way down to the bar, J.J. stopped and got herself and Rog a couple of coffees and some muffins.

Walking in she had to smile at the sight before her. There in the kitchen was Sandy trying in vain to clean the counters.

"Sandy give it up. That's like sweeping a dirt floor. It's a waste of time. They're only going to make a mess today too." J.J. said smiling. "I didn't expect you to still be here or I'd have brought you a cup too."

"No problem, I'm heading out soon anyway. I can't stand here and watch them wreck the place. Even thought we haven't had it for long, I've kinda gotten attached to it." Sandy said with a shrug.

"So what's the plan today?" J.J. asked.

"I'm going to see my sister." She said smiling. "It's been awhile since I've seen the kids."

"Well have a great time." J.J. said. "Maybe since I'm not really needed here, I'll take the day off."

"That's actually a good idea. You haven't had much time since we hired you." Sandy said. "Maybe you could contact old friends."

"Sandy." J.J. said.

"Ok." She laughed.

"Hey Rog, do you need me around here today?" J.J. asked.

"No, but I think Tony needs an extra set of hands." He replied.

"Sorry, not into a career change." J.J. laughed.

"Well in that case, I guess we're both out of here." Sandy said.

Both women walked out the back leaving Roger to deal with the contractors.

J.J. couldn't get Pete's words out of her head.

You could always come and watch over him. She heard again.

I can't go to him it would be a disaster. But Pete can tell me if he really needs me. IF something happens. J.J. thought.

Walking into the electronics store, J.J. looked as the selection of cell phones.

"Can I help you?" The attendant asked.

"I hope so. With these kinds of phones how hard is it to locate someone?" J.J. asked.

"That depends on who's looking. For the average person it's untraceable. But the FBI and what not have ways of tracking it. So if this is for illegal purposes it's not going to work." He laughed.

"Not even close." J.J. replied, laughing along with him.

It didn't take J.J. long to choose a phone and get it activated.

Heading back to the hotel, J.J. contemplated whom she should call first.

Once back in her room, J.J. sat down and stared at the phone.

"What am I doing? This is a mistake. If I call them, if I let them have a way to reach me I'm setting myself up for trouble. Shit!" J.J. said quietly, beginning to pace.

Leaving the phone behind, J.J. went down to the gym. As she went through her routine she tried to decide what to do.

I can't chance that he'll be alone if something serious happens. J.J. thought.

I'd better go and do it before I lose my nerve. J.J. decided, rushing back up to her room.

Picking up the phone J.J. dialed Pete's number.

Where are you? Why don't you answer the damn phone? J.J. thought after the tenth ring.

"Fuck!" J.J. said loudly, before hanging up.

J.J. paced the room for a minute, and then tried again.

After several tries she finally gave up. Putting the phone down she went and took a shower.

*J.J./Mike*

Once she was done. She sat down and sighed.

Time to try the guys. J.J. thought, reaching for the phone.

"Mike." She said, when the phone was picked up.

"My GOD! J.J. shit where are you? Are you ok? What the hell were you thinking taking off like that?" Mike shouted in a burst of words.

She's ok. He sighed happily.

"Relax Mike, I'm fine. I can't tell you where I am, because I don't want you coming after me. I took off because I needed and still need to get my head right. I'm sorry I didn't call sooner that was wrong." J.J. said trying to calm him.

Jeez, I didn't expect him to still be this upset. J.J. thought.

"Relax, you look like a typical suicide case and then just disappear. We find your camera equipment smashed. I don't hear from you in weeks and you tell me to relax. Come on J.J." Mike said.

"I'm sorry you're right. Are you through yelling now?" She asked laughing.

She acts like this is all nothing. Can she really think we wouldn't be upset? Mike said.

"For the time being. But why can't you tell me where you are?" He asked still sounding agitated.

Because if I did tell you, I know you would be here tomorrow. J.J. thought.

"Because I don't want you hunting me down." She said. "Trust me I'm in no danger. I'm actually working and have met some great people."

Well that plan is shot to shit. Mike thought with a smile. But I can always trace the call.

"If you're so ok then why did you smash your cameras? That is something I would never have expected from you." Mike said.

I smashed them because they make me feel sick. J.J. thought.

"I had my reasons. So did you take care of the storage area like I asked?" J.J. asked.

No way I'm selling your things just because you are having some trouble right now. Mike said to himself.

"No, we moved the things to my basement. I know some day you'll come to your senses and want it all back." Mike said.

"No, I won't. But that is you decision." J.J. said.

"Why are you really doing this? Did that big jerk hurt you? Did he hit you?" Mike asked sounding pissed.

"No, he'd never do something like that. I told you in the note. The job wasn't what I expected. He had nothing to do with it." J.J. said, hoping that she was being convincing enough.

I'm not an idiot. I know he had something to do with the way you're acting. Mike thought.

"So how is everyone?" J.J. asked.

"Nice change of subject J.J. Everyone is fine. Mario is worried sick about you. Said he was going to find Kane and give him a piece of his mind." Mike laughed.

"Why?" J.J. asked.

"Because that 'big friend of yours hurt you.'" Mike said still laughing.

J.J. joined in his laughter.

"I can just picture him doing that." J.J. said.

"Yeah Ron and I had the same reaction when he told us that." Mike said.

J.J. laughed for a moment longer.

"How is Ron?" J.J. asked.

"Doing great. But he, like the rest of us is worried about you." He said.

"Well stop worrying, I'm good and I promise to keep in touch." J.J. said.

"If you don't, you know I will find you no matter what it takes." Mike said.

"Yeah, I know. I'm surprised you haven't already done that." She laughed.

"Ron stopped me." He laughed.

"Good for him. I would have been really pissed if you had followed me." J.J. said.

"J.J. we care, we really do. You have to let us help you thorough this." Mike said.

"I'm fine, I will manage I always do. I just need some time to decide what's next." She said.

"Ok, but please don't just drop out again, keep us up to date on how you're doing." He said with a worried pleading tone.

"I will, I promised didn't I. You know I never break a promise. But just to set your mind at ease here is the number where I can be reached." J.J. said before giving the number.

"I know." He said, feeling better.

*Kane*

Kane lay in bed a while longer. Then when he was sure Pete was long gone, he got up.

He really did it. He filled the prescriptions, as if I'm going to take this shit. Kane thought.

Walking over he took a seat on the couch. It was then that he saw the note under the bottles.

I know you don't take any of the medication I give you when you're hurt. Please make an exception at least for the anti-inflammatory. It really will help your breathing and maybe even get you back faster.

I can't believe it. He just doesn't understand. He doesn't get it! Kane thought, crushing the note.

He looked at the bottles for a second before throwing them across the room.

I don't need him to be my keeper. I don't want him to take care of me and treat me like a child. Most of all I don't need him acting like J.J. Kane thought getting up to pace.

After a few minutes he began to calm slightly.

Maybe he's right, if the pills will help? Will they really get me back faster? Kane wondered.

Getting up he crossed the room and picked up the bottles. Looking at them more closely he shook them a bit.

Should I try? Kane wondered opening the bottle of anti-inflammatory pills.

Shaking one of the small yellow pills into his hand he stared at it for a moment. Then quickly swallowed it dry before he could change his mind.

Setting the two bottles down he picked up an ice pack and stared into space. Slowly the ice began to do his job and he felt his throat begin to open slightly.

Now I should be able to eat. He thought, getting a pen and paper to make his order.

It would be easier just to take the menu downstairs and showing them what I want. Kane decided getting up.

Reaching the desk he waited until the clerk came over. Then he pointed out what he wanted. Kane motioned for paper and pen.

Breakfast food ten lunches one dinner seven every day. He wrote.

"No problem sir." He said.

Turning to go back upstairs, he realized that he was not having as much trouble breathing as he had expected.

Is that the medication or the ice? Kane wondered.

Once he was back upstairs Kane realized he was also very tired.

Picking up the bottle again he read the warning.

"May cause marked drowsiness."

Should have read this first. Kane thought.

Laying his head back, he allowed his eyes to close.

He was awakened a while later when his dinner was delivered.

Good now I won't miss the event. Kane thought, as he made himself eat.

?/Sam

Sitting down, the large man waited.

"Its about time Sam." He said, as the smaller man came toward him.

"Sorry it took a while to get a flight." Sam said defensively.

"I don't want your excuses. Next time I send for you I want you here immediately." The large man said.

"UM sure, what can I do for you?" He said.

"Your earlier research did exactly what I wanted it to. But I need something else. I need you to watch someone." He said.

"Who? How close, do I let him know?" Sam asked.

"No, Video tape him. Make sure to get him with his family and friends. Make it good." The big man ordered. "I want a week's worth of tapes."

"When I have them?" Sam asked.

"You'll hear from me then. I'll tell you where to take them." The large man practically growled.

"You got it." Sam said quickly. "My usual fee."

"Of course." He replied, as he handed him an envelope.

"Plane tickets to Toledo?" Sam asked sounding confused.

"Just go to the address and do the job." The bigger man said, standing up abruptly.

*J.J./Kane*

Hanging up the phone, J.J. got up.

Should I try Pete again or should I wait for tomorrow. J.J. wondered.

"No, I'll wait." J.J. said quietly to herself.

Then she sat down to watch the event.

"This should be the event where they tell everyone that Kane is suspended. I wonder what they'll use as the reason? Pete already told me that he got him put out for attacking him. But will they use that or some other reason that makes him look worse?" J.J. wondered.

This should be interesting. Kane thought, as he waited for the show to start.

Pete told me there were no cameras there when he got me suspended. Vince didn't even try to get me to come in to do a setup. How is he going to explain my absence? Is he even going to bother? Kane wondered.

She sat back and waited to see what would develop.

After a few matches Vince's music began to play.

"What's this?" J.J. wondered, as she watched him walk to the ring.

"On Raw Kane once again showed what an uncontrollable monster he is. Roll the footage." Vince said, turning toward the Titan-Tron.

I guess that's how he'll justify my disappearance. Vince will use the footage and run his big mouth. Kane thought with a small chuckle.

J.J. grimaced when the footage started with him being ambushed by IRS. The picture soon changed to that of Kane backstage.

"This unwarranted attack on one of our trainers was outrageous. HE was warned, after his unconscionable attack on King that he'd be suspended if he did it again. Well he seems once again that he can't follow simple instructions. This time his victim was lucky enough to escape without injury. I can't let there be a next time." Vince said, before beginning to leave the ring.

Well they made that look worse than it was? At least I hope they did. I would hate to think that I was really that rough with Pete. Kane thought.

That attack looked worse than Pete described it to me. J.J. thought, when she saw Kane slam the trainer against the wall.

Suddenly Hunter appeared at the top of the ramp.

"Wait just a second Vince. You already signed a match between that freak and X-Pac." Hunter said sounding very angry.

"Guess you're out of luck then. He's suspended and I will not reinstate him just because a match was signed for X-Pac." Vince said.

Walking toward the ring Hunter continued to voice his displeasure with Vince's decision.

"Damn it Hunter! I told you he's suspended. No matter how much you yell that isn't going to change. He needs to start following the rules around here. He can't attack non-wrestlers without some retribution." Vince said loudly, as he began to back away.

Good Vince is finally standing up to that bastard and at least trying to be objective. J.J. thought.

I need to start following the rules. Yet somehow everyone else can break them at will and receive no censure. Kane thought smiling despite his anger.

Suddenly the lights went out. Everyone began looking around trying to figure out what was going on.

J.J. stared at the screen not sure what to make of this development.

What is Mark doing now? This is just his kind of tactic. Kane thought, watching for his brother's next move.

Both the ring's occupants turned expectantly toward the top of the ramp.

After a moment the lights came back and Undertaker was standing in the middle of the ring behind both Vince and Hunter.

"I think I can solve this little problem you seem to have." Undertaker said.

Both men spun around and unconsciously took a step back in surprise.

"How?" Vince sputtered; trying not to sound intimidated.

"Very simple. As my brother did not long ago, I will cover any matches that he's already signed." Undertaker said with a sneer. "Now I can see this doesn't exactly please you Hunter. Maybe you'd be happier if I said those set to face my brother may choose any member of my Ministry as his replacement."

Why is he getting involved? He always has a reason for everything he does. What reason could he have for this? Kane wondered, getting closer to the set as if that would help him understand.

What's Undertaker doing out there? What does this have to do with him? J.J. wondered.

Hunter's mouth hung open in surprise.

"Are you serious? You are going to have your Ministry cover Kane's matches. Why?" Vince asked, sounding both terrified and demanding.

"He covered Edge and Christian when they were injured. I will return his actions. That is the only reason." Undertaker said.

"But he did that because that Bitch friend of his was the one to injure them." Vince said.

Kane felt his heart twist at Vince's words.

"I have already given you more explanation than you deserve. Accept my offer or don't." Undertaker said.

Then with a wave of his hand the lights went out. When they came back up a second later he was gone.

"I accept Undertaker." Hunter shouted. "X-Pac vs. Christian."

Barely a moment later the Titan-Tron showed Christian. He simply nodded then went back into the Ministry locker room.

Where the hell is this coming from? Why would the Undertaker do something like that? It doesn't make any sense. J.J. thought with total surprise.

J.J. watched the rest of the event with only half her mind on the screen in front of her. The rest was trying to figure out Undertakers sudden generosity toward his brother.

I wonder what Kane thinks of all this? J.J. thought.

When the event ended, J.J. was greatly looking forward to climbing into her bed.

Climbing in, J.J. closed her eyes with a small prayer for a peaceful night's sleep.

*DX*

"So who's next?" X-Pac asked smiling.

Now that Kane's suspended maybe he'll pick someone else. X-Pac thought hopefully.

"He's coming back kid. I won't rest until he'd gone for good. The plan continues the minute he's reinstated. Until then this is a perfect opportunity to have a little fun with Undertaker and his freaks." Hunter sneered.

Damn it! You've done enough Hunter. Leave him alone already. X-Pac thought.

"Do you have a problem with that?" Chyna asked.

"No, no problem. Just wanted to know what was going on." X-Pac said quickly.

"Well now you know." Hunter said.

X-Pac just nodded.

There has to be something that will get Hunter off his back? X-Pac thought.

*Pete/Kane*

Kane was lying in bed when the phone startled him from his thoughts. He reached blindly and picked up the receiver.

"Kane, it's me." Pete said when he thought he heard breathing.

Time to check in with the babysitter. Kane thought smiling, even as he brought the receiver to his ear.

Kane tapped on the receiver in response.

Thank God. I half thought he'd blow me off on these calls. Pete thought with a small sigh of relief.

"Everything ok? Do you need anything? Have you been resting?" Pete asked before realizing again that Kane couldn't answer.

Idiot even with the damn box I couldn't answer his questions that fast. Kane thought nearly laughing.

Smiling Kane waited for Pete to realize what he'd just done.

Is he laughing? Has he forgiven me for the other night? Pete wondered hearing Kane's breathing skip.

"Ok, sorry about that. I've been worried. Twice for yes once for no ok?" Pete asked.

Kane tapped twice.

"Is everything ok?" Pete asked.

Two taps from Kane.

"Do you need anything?" He asked.

Kane tapped once for no even before Pete had finished the question.

"Ok, have you been resting?" He asked.

Pete heard Kane sigh before he answered with two taps.

"I'm pushing again aren't I?" Pete said laughing.

Pushing hard there my friend. Kane thought, smiling.

Two loud taps were Kane's response.

"I'll try to be good." Pete laughed.

"I'll call you tomorrow." Pete said planning to hang up.

No I need some time. Have to have time. Kane thought.

A loud tap stopped him.

"No, ok how about in two days?" Pete asked hoping for a positive response.

No, still two soon. Kane thought tapping once.

No, he needs this. Kane realized tapping a second time.

Pete sighed happily when he received two taps, though they sounded stretched out as if reluctantly given.

"Good I'll talk to you on Sunday." Pete said.

Pete waited to hear two taps before hanging up.

I can't believe I actually missed his voice. Missed his constant puttering around and his chattering. Kane thought.

I didn't realize it but somehow he's right. He is a friend. Kane thought surprised that it had happened.

He lay back and stared at the ceiling trying to puzzle out this discovery.

*J.J.*

A blaring alarm woke her the next morning.

"Well, at least I managed some sleep." J.J. muttered, as she rolled out of bed.

She showered and dressed quickly, before heading to the 'Stepping Stone'.

When she got there, she saw Sandy already leaving.

Going inside she handed Roger his coffee. Then took a seat beside him.

"You know technically you don't need to be here J.J." Roger said.

"Yeah and technically I'm not a decorator." J.J. laughed. "Really it's cool. I'm enjoying watching this place develop."

Besides what the hell would I do sitting back at the hotel? J.J. thought, knowing it was better to keep busy.

"J.J. do you want another shot with the sledge?" Tony called out only half joking.

"No thanks Tony, I'll let you stick to wrecking. Then I'll make it all nice again." J.J. laughed.

"J.J. I need to run a quick errand. It's a surprise for Sandy, would you mind keeping these lugs in line while I'm gone?" Roger asked after they'd been sitting together a while.

"No problem." J.J. said. "Go do what you need to."

Not long after Roger left the crew broke for lunch. Sam went next door while Gil pulled out a lunch box and sat down.

"So could I interest you in half a turkey sandwich?" Tony asked, as he walked up to J.J.

"No thanks Tony. I'm all set." J.J. replied.

"Can I at least sit beside you while I eat?" He said.

"Sure." J.J. answered.

I hope this isn't what I think it is. J.J. thought.

"How long have you been a decorator?" Tony asked.

"About a month I'd say." J.J. replied smiling.

"But I was sure Roger said he'd hired you about a month ago." Tony said sounding confused.

"He did." J.J. laughed.

Well the look on his face was worth that disclosure. J.J. thought.

"That doesn't make any sense.." He began, then stopped and shook his head. "You know what forget it."

"Let's start again. I'd like to get to know you better. Is there any chance I could convince you to go out with me? Maybe to dinner or to a movie?" He said earnestly.

Oh no it is what I thought it was. J.J. thought with disappointment.

"Sorry Tony I'm not going to be here that long. I'd rather not get involved with anyone." J.J. replied.

That should work without hurting his feelings. J.J. thought.

"What do you mean you're not going to be here that long? I know this job is nearly over but it's not like you're going to leave the state afterward." He said.

"Actually that's exactly what I mean. Once this job is done I'm moving on." J.J. said.

"What?" Tony asked sounding very confused.

I don't want to go into too much detail. It would only make things confusing. J.J. thought.

"It really doesn't matter. Just take my word that there won't be time for that." J.J. said.

"But you could at least give me a shot?" He said.

He just doesn't want to quit. J.J. thought.

"Really I'm still with someone else." J.J. said, without even thinking.

Why did I say that? I'm not with him anymore as much as I wish I were. Did I tell him that to get him off my back or because somehow I still see myself as Kane's? J.J. wondered.

"OH, I didn't know. But he's really lucky." Tony said sounding disappointed.

"So J.J. have they been goofing off since I left?" Roger asked, walking up behind her.

"No, they went on lunch about twenty minutes ago." J.J. replied. "I said I'd watch them didn't I."

Roger just laughed; Tony joined him almost immediately.

"So tell me how this is going Tony." Roger asked, motioning the other man to walk with him.

"Not as well as I had hoped." He said looking at J.J.

"Oh is there a problem." Roger asked suddenly worried.

"No not with the construction. With other plans." Tony said, walking away with Roger.

J.J. watched them walk away talking quietly.

*Roger/Tony*

"What are you doing Tony?" Roger asked. "I told you she wasn't your type."

"Hey I can't help myself she's gorgeous." Tony replied.

"Don't hurt her. Sandy will kill us both." Roger told him.

"Not a chance, she won't give me the time of day. Says that she's with someone." Tony said. "Have you met the man?"

Told him she's involved? Why would she say that? Sandy said that she looked like she had a broken heart. Roger wondered.

"No, I didn't know she was involved." Roger said.

"You don't think she was pulling my leg?" Tony asked sounding upset.

"No, you know me I don't know anything. Sandy keeps telling me she's got something on her mind. Probably this guy." Roger said.

"Oh, if she's not involved I wish she would have just said no. I hate when people blow me off like that." Tony said sounding a little pissed.

"She wouldn't do that." Roger said.

Just then Sam came back and the guys got back to work.

*Kane*

Waking up, Kane rolled out of bed.

Didn't need the oxygen much yesterday. Could those damn pills be helping? Kane wondered.

Walking into the main room, he looked again at the bottle.

Let's see what they can really do? Kane wondered.

He downed one of the small yellow pills and then took a drink.

Then he sat down and looked again at the two tapes he'd received anonymously.

Why is he suddenly right there? He doesn't stop the attacks. He just makes the odds a bit more even. But why? Did these tapes come from him or from someone else? If not from Mark could they be from X-Pac? None of this makes any sense. DAMN IT! Kane thought, getting up and beginning to pace.

A knock broke into his thoughts. Slipping on his mask he went to the door.

Just breakfast. He thought, as he opened it to reveal room service.

Taking the cart he signed the card and then shut the door.

Let's get this overwith. He thought, not looking forward to the ordeal eating had been of late.

After forcing himself through the majority of the meal he sat quietly for a bit.

Damn pills do one thing well. They make me tired. Kane thought, as he fought to keep his eyes open.

Pete says they'll help me come back faster. Well since they don't know I'm hurt they are going to expect me to compete the second I get back. Vince said two weeks but you never know what he's going to do. Kane thought.

Getting to his feet, Kane slipped into a mask and headed downstairs.

Going into the gym he looked at the machines.

I'd better start slowly it would suck for me to pass out in the gym. Kane thought smiling behind his mask.

Still smiling, Kane set the weight for the first step in his routine.

When he began, he couldn't help but feel a surge of satisfaction.

I've missed this so much. He thought, as he continued to work slowly.

I have to pay close attention to my breathing even though this feels great. Kane told himself.

He continued on into his routine carefully. After about a quarter of his usual routine he began to feel lightheaded and realized his breathing had gotten out of control.

Putting down the weight, he concentrated on slowing his breathing.

Idiot you should have paid closer attention. He thought.

Then getting to his feet he made himself walk normally, as he headed up to his room.

Once he got there, he collapsed onto the couch.

I'll just catch my breath a bit. Then I'll go and get the oxygen. Kane thought.

He laid his head back and closed his eyes setting his mind to slowing his breathing.


	14. losing the light Chapter 14

Chapter 14

*Mike/Ron*

"Ron, I'm glad you could meet me." Mike said.

"Just tell me it's not bad news." Ron replied.

"No, nothing like that." Mike said quickly.

"Then what? You heard from her again." Ron said excitedly.

"Yes, that's it exactly. She called and believe it or not gave me her number." Mike said.

"Great! She's ok and even gave her number." Ron practically shouted, barely stopping himself from jumping to his feet.

"Yes, she's fine and she gave a number. Here it is." Mike said, handing Ron a slip of paper.

Ron snatched up the piece of paper.

"We should sit on the number and not call her. We should let her call us." Mike said.

"I will after. But I want to call her once, just to hear her voice. Then I'll just sit on it like you said." Ron said smiling.

"Ok, but you let her know that ok." Mike said.

"No problem, I just need to hear her voice." Ron said.

With a quick hug, Ron left for home.

*Sandy/Roger*

"How long ago did she leave?" Sandy asked Roger, as they sat down.

"She went about two. But she said something odd to Tony." Roger said.

"Why was she talking to him?" She asked.

"Seems he asked her out. She told him she was leaving right after this job. He tried to convince her to go out with him anyway and she told him she was with someone?" Roger told her.

"She actually said that? Wow she's really hurting." Sandy said, sounding more like she was talking to herself than to him.

"Or maybe Tony was pushing and she wanted him to back off." Roger said.

"What? Did you say something hun?" Sandy said.

"Nothing dear." He said, shaking his head.

*J.J.*

Getting back to the hotel, J.J. went upstairs and changed. Then she headed down to the gym.

Why did I tell him I was still with someone? He surely told Roger. So now Sandy will know. This is going to turn into a mess and a half. J.J. thought, as she worked herself hard.

Too late to worry about that now, hopefully I will be gone before she figures anything else out. J.J. thought, as she finished her workout.

When she was done she headed upstairs.

I'll try Pete again once I've eaten. J.J. decided.

She ordered something, then sat down and pulled one of the photo albums toward her.

Turning the pages slowly, she watched him go from shy and fearful to trusting her. Then he became open and happy when they were together.

"He had the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known." J.J. said, quietly as she traced his face in a picture. "But people used that against him time and time again."

How could he have even had the strength to trust me after all he has been through? I don't understand how he could trust anyone again. J.J. thought, berating herself once again.

She continued staring at one particular picture.

"You look so happy. Look at how your eyes sparkle. Even without being able to see your face I know you are smiling. I loved that smile." J.J. said, talking to him as if he could actually hear her.

"You deserve so much in life. But all you've gotten is hurt. Where you ever happy growing up?" J.J. said, continuing to talk to his image before her.

"I'm so sorry for not telling you when we began to get close. I should have told you that and so much more. But I didn't and I ruined everything. Forgive me please baby. Obviously I wasn't good enough for you. You will find someone who is. Someday you will and you'll see what a wonderful person you are and how much you deserve happiness." J.J. said, allowing the tears to flow again.

A knock on the door pulled her from her thoughts. She got up and answered then sat back down.

I have to eat. I need to be strong and make myself eat. J.J. thought, knowing how pissed Mike would be if she got sick.

"He'd definitely hunt me down to give me hell then." J.J. said, trying to cheer herself up some.

Once she'd forced herself to eat most of the meal she'd ordered, she moved back to the couch.

J.J./Pete

Picking up the phone, J.J. paused and stared at it a moment.

"Oh just do it!" J.J. told herself.

She dialed the number quickly before she could change her mind.

"Hello." Pete said.

J.J. froze unable to think of what to say to him.

"Hello!" Pete repeated more forcefully.

Who the hell would crank my cell? Pete wondered.

Say something you idiot before he hangs up. J.J. told herself.

"Pete?" J.J. said.

"J.J.?" He asked. "What's up?"

Why did she take so long to answer me? He wondered.

"I um thought about what you said. You're right. I'm not really there to help you if you can't reach me. I can't tell you where I am, but I have a cell now so you can call me if… well just if." J.J. said.

Damn it stop stuttering like an idiot. J.J. thought.

She changed her mind. She's going to give me a number. Pete thought happily.

"Great, what's the number?" Pete prompted half-afraid she'd change her mind and hang up.

J.J. gave him the number.

There now he has it. I can't change my mind. J.J. thought.

"I wanted you to be able to call me if he really needed me. I want to help him any way I can. But since I can't be there, I want you to be able to help him. He's so stubborn I figure you deserve some backup." J.J. said sounding almost hysterical.

Stubborn is an understatement. Pete thought.

"J.J. are you ok? You don't sound right." Pete said.

She sounds like she's on the verge of losing it completely. Pete thought.

"I'm fine just fine." J.J. said.

Please believe it I can't talk about why it's so important to me. J.J. thought.

"If you say so. I am going to use this number J.J. and not just to give you updates about him. I will also call to find out how you're doing. As much as he is a friend so are you. You two belong together…" he started

He has to stay off that. We can't ever be together not after what I did to him. J.J. thought.

"Pete, if you're going to give me the fate lecture about us every time you and I talk I can't handle that." J.J. said.

"I'll be good." Pete said quickly, so she wouldn't hang up.

It is fate they belong together. I don't know what it is that tore them apart but it's killing Kane and probably doing the same to J.J. Pete thought.

Change the subject. J.J. told herself.

"So how is he doing?" J.J. asked.

"Physically he looked a bit better when I left him. But he's pushing me away again. I think I went too far. I didn't mean, to but well I have a tendency to be protective of my friends." Pete said.

"Why what happened?" J.J. asked.

Don't let him have decided to keep clear of Pete too. He needs someone to watch out for him as much as he protests it. J.J. thought.

"First I went to a doctor behind his back. He was really pissed about that. They he demanded to know why I had done it. I tried to explain but he only got more pissed." Pete said.

"What did you say to him?" J.J. asked.

"That I always take care of my friends. That sometimes I go too far and if I did I was sorry." Pete replied. "Then he wanted me to tell him why I would be his friend."

"Oh shit. I had that conversation with him too. It's not an easy one." J.J. said.

"Well, when I couldn't explain why to his satisfaction he walked out. I thought about going after him and following him in case his breathing got bad. But I knew he'd never trust me again if he saw me." Pete said.

"Sounds like you made the right decision. He was calmer when he got back right?" J.J. said.

"Not exactly, when he got back he was drunk. I tried to talk to him and he practically threw me across the room." Pete said.

"Shit really? He doesn't usually drink at all." J.J. said.

Why would he drink? Hell he used to bug me when I did. J.J. thought.

"Yeah. Then yesterday morning I went in to talk to him before I left. He turned away and put his mask on. J.J. he hadn't worn it since I got him back to the hotel room." Pete said.

"Oh." J.J. said.

She has to have some advice for me. I mean just look at all she did to bring him out of his shell. She helped him so much. Pete thought.

"Is that all you have to say." He asked.

What else can I say? I can't tell you how to handle him. I obviously screwed that up myself. J.J. thought.

"I don't know what to say. It seems you're right that he's pulling back. I wish I had some way to help with that. Maybe give him time to get used to it then try again?" J.J. said.

"That looks like it's the only thing I can do." He said sounding disappointed with that answer.

"Call me if you need me Pete. I know you're probably very busy today." J.J. said.

"You still remember the schedule I see." Pete said laughing.

"I have to. I don't want to miss any of the shows." She replied with a laugh of her own.

"J.J. can I ask you one more thing. Please don't hang up on me but I need to know." Pete said.

"What is it?" J.J. asked apprehensively.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Pete asked.

How can he ask that? He knows how personal that must be. J.J. thought.

"No, that's between him and me. It wouldn't be right." J.J. said.

Ok, if not that then maybe it can be fixed. Pete thought.

"If he would talk to you, could you to fix it?" Pete asked.

"I don't think so Pete. I hurt him too bad. I ruined everything." J.J. said, barely whispering the last.

Before Pete could say anything J.J. hung up without saying anything more.

What the hell happened between you two? How could anything have ruined what the two of you had? Pete wondered, remembering how they were together.

*J.J.*

J.J. had barely hung up the phone when it rang again.

If that's Pete I'll kill him. J.J. thought, snatching up the phone.

"Hello." She said softly.

"J.J. is that really you? God it's good to hear your voice." Ron said.

It's a real number thank god. Ron thought, closing his eyes for a second.

What did Mike do, go running right to Ron's house after he hung up with me? J.J. thought.

"Ron, well it didn't take Mike long to get the number to you did it." J.J. said smiling.

Shit, did I call too soon? Is she going to be pissed? He thought fearfully.

"No it didn't. He told me to sit on it. To let you call us. But well, I needed to hear your voice before I could do that. Please tell me you're not mad? That you're ok." Ron said, with a hint of desperation in his voice.

He sounds scared I'm going to yell at him? J.J. thought curiously.

"I'm fine. Just needed a break away from everything. You know how I am. I can't be around people while I work stuff out." She said.

He knows this; why is he acting like he doesn't? J.J. wondered.

"I know. It always drove Chris to distraction. It's not easy letting you stay gone. When we know how much you must be hurting." He replied.

Oh, I shouldn't have mentioned Chris. That's probably still a sore point. Ron said.

"I'm not really." She said too quickly.

I hope he falls for that. I know Chris never would. J.J. thought, picturing Chris pushing her until she confessed what was bothering her.

"J.J. you forget I've known you for far too long. Mike may be blind to it, but I know you don't run for something so simple as a job. What happened?" Ron said.

"This is exactly why I took off Ron. I don't want to talk about it." J.J. said sternly.

"Ok, I won't push. Because I know that you'll just pull further away. Just know we're here for you. We're always here for you." Ron said.

"I know. So Mike says you kept him from chasing me down." J.J. said, trying to change the subject.

"No way. He stopped me." Ron said laughing.

Why would he say that? It was me who wanted to leave as soon as we got the tip about the ATM. Ron thought.

I wonder which is the truth. Then again it doesn't really matter I guess. J.J. thought.

"Well you guys just keep up the good work. I'll come by when I'm ready." J.J. said.

"I know you will. You always did. But in the meantime is it ok if I worry anyway." Ron said.

"If you must." J.J. sighed, before bursting in to laughter.

"Brat." Ron said, starting to laugh himself.

"Ok Ron. It's getting a bit late and I'm beat." J.J. said, still pretty drained after talking to Pete.

"Sure babe. I hope that I'll hear from you soon. I still have the same number you know." He said, reminding her needlessly.

"Babe. Oh, now I know you've been hanging with Mike too much." J.J. said laughing once again.

"Sure have." Ron said. "I'll let you go, but be safe."

"I will." She said before hanging up.

*Kane*

Once his breathing had slowed sufficiently, Kane headed for the shower.

Didn't take that long to get back to normal. Kane thought. Damn pills must be helping, as much as I hate to admit it.

Stepping out of the shower, he took the next dose of the anti-inflammatory.

Father would give me all kinds of grief about being weak for taking these. He'd always said a man didn't need medicine, only will power. If he had the self-discipline and strength, he could survive anything. Kane thought.

Why am I thinking about him? He turned his back on me like everyone else. He chose Mark over me his own son. Not once but twice, he has used me to get what he wanted. Then tossed me aside when he'd gotten it. He's no better than Mark. Kane thought.

Kane allowed his mind to drift to recent events. To the tapes and the fact that Mark hadn't shown his face, since he'd returned from the injuries he'd gotten at the photo shoot.

Is this another trick? Has he decided to leave me the hell alone? Or does he still want something from me? Kane wondered, as he felt the drug take hold.

Kane drifted off without even realizing it.

*J.J.*

Getting up the next morning, J.J. headed over to the 'Stepping Stone'.

"What's the plan for the day?" She asked, as she walked in the back door.

Please tell me Roger did not tell her what I told Tony. J.J. thought nearly desperately.

"Well they are nearly done believe it or not. We should be able to start the cleanup and get this place looking good before too long." Sandy said happily.

Now is not the time to say anything about what she told Tony. I'm surprised she told him she was with someone. But we will discuss that later. Sandy thought.

"Great! It didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would." J.J. said.

Any subject but me will be just fine. J.J. thought.

"But then again, I've never done this before either." She added laughing.

"Now we can start planning the Grand Opening." Sandy said excitedly.

"Isn't it a little early for that?" J.J. asked.

"No, we won't set a date until we're sure when it's going to be. But we can start choosing guests and getting invitations now." Sandy said laughing.

"Oh no more shopping." J.J. whined.

"Like you hate it that much." Sandy laughed again.

"Detest it." J.J. said, trying to keep a straight face.

She failed miserably and began laughing.

"Nice try, but I've seen you in action. You are a shopping master." Sandy said.

"I wouldn't go that far." J.J. replied.

*Kane*

Kane hung up the phone.

He calls like clockwork every other day. It's been a week and he still asks the same questions. Doesn't he realize that by now I'm well on the way to recovery? Kane thought.

He closed his eyes and looked back on his week.

Day by day the gym has been easier. Even eating has almost gotten back to normal. Still a little soreness and shortness of breath when I workout, but overall I'm nearly there. Kane thought, happy with his progress so far.

Not bad at all, considering this all began with me passed out on the locker room floor. I couldn't even move. Then Pete found me. Kane thought, remembering how hard every breath had been then.

Next week I call Vince. It's time he gets his ass in gear and makes some decisions. Kane thought. Now, I only have to find a way to call him. I still can't really talk yet even with the damn box.

Guess I'll have to start practicing with it again, like I did in the beginning. Kane thought with aggravation.

Going into the bedroom, he pulled out the box and took a deep breath.

No time like the present. He told himself, as he sat down.

Kane spent the next hour working with the box. His voice, even amplified barely reached above a whisper.

*J.J./Pete*

The next several days passed in a blur for J.J. Her days were spent shopping, planning and going to the gym.

"I've let enough time pass. I can call Pete again and try to get an update on Kane." J.J. murmured, as she got comfortable on the couch.

The event was yesterday. Maybe he's heard when Kane will be reinstated. J.J. thought, as she picked up the phone.

"Hey Pete." J.J. said when he'd answered.

"J.J.? Well this is a surprise. I was wondering if I'd hear from you again after our last conversation." He said.

Did he really think I would keep away because of that? If he keeps it up I might, but no not yet. J.J. thought.

"Well it's not like I can hide now. You have the number." J.J. said smiling. "But I thought I'd give you a few days without bothering you."

True, I can always call her now. That's a relief. Pete thought.

"You don't bother me J.J." Pete said. "I'm glad to hear from you. I bet you want to know how he is."

"Well, if you have any news I'd love to hear it." She said, trying to sound nonchalant.

Please don't keep me waiting. J.J. thought.

Pete laughed for a moment.

"You don't fool me J.J. I know how much you've been worried about him." He said still laughing.

"You win. Spill it." J.J. said, trying to sound demanding but only sounding anxious.

"I've been talking to him every couple of days. He's saying everything is fine. I'll try and get out to see him next week." Pete said.

I'd like nothing better than to get his ass where I can see him. Then I'll know for sure that he's ok. Pete thought.

"Bet you wanted to talk to him more often." J.J. said.

"Yeah, but he doesn't want to hear it. I'm expecting Vince to call him back sometime next week. That is unless he's going to be a prick and keep him out longer than two weeks." Pete said.

"But wouldn't a little extra time be better so he'll be at a hundred percent?" J.J. asked.

If he comes back too soon he'll be massacred. J.J. thought.

"Yeah, but if Kane doesn't protest a longer suspension Vince will probably get suspicious." Pete replied.

He can only agree to a little time or Vince will be trying to find out why he's so willing to sit around. Pete thought.

"True I guess. So we'll be seeing him soon." J.J. said, unable to keep the wistful note from her voice.

I have got to get these two back together. He's keeping her gifts close and she sounds like she'd do anything to be with him. If I only knew what was keeping them apart. Pete thought.

"Probably." Pete said.

*Undertaker*

Undertaker made good on his offer. He covered every match that had been set for Kane. He didn't say a word no matter what match was set, nor what stipulations.

"Undertaker I think they are taking advantage of your generosity. I'm sure Kane did not have this many matches signed. Especially against DX." Paul said, approaching him carefully.

"Do you think I am too stupid to see that? I know what they are doing. I also know that Vince is doing the same thing. It doesn't matter." Undertaker growled at the fat man.

"Hunter they have to know by now that you are adding matches. They are going to…" Billy began.

"They're going to what? Are they going to complain to Vince? He's the one setting the matches. Undertaker and his freaks can't do shit and they know it." Hunter said.

"But…" Billy continued.

"But nothing. You take your orders from me. Those orders are very clear. We do what we can to Undertaker's Ministry until our real target gets back. Then our attention turns only to him. Does everyone understand that I will NOT stop until that burnt freak is gone for good?" Hunter shouted angrily.

"Understood." Billy said quickly.

The others also gave an affirmative response.

I'd still like to know why Hunter hates Kane so much. There has to be a reason. X-Pac thought, watching his 'leader' closely.

*?/Sam*

"What?" Sam said, as he answered the phone on the third ring.

"Do you have what I wanted?" He asked.

Sam jumped awake instantly.

"Yes I have it. I've just been waiting for your call." Sam answered quickly.

"Fed Ex them to me next day." He said, and then quickly gave the address. "I want them in my hands tomorrow. Then you'll hear from me about your next assignment."

"No problem." Sam replied immediately.

"They better be what I wanted or I'll wring his neck." The man muttered hanging up on the investigator.

*Kane*

Kane woke the next morning with is throat on fire.

Shit, guess I should have started slower on the talking. Kane thought with a wry smile.

Getting up, he got himself water and took the first dose of the anti-inflammatory pills.

If I don't push though, I won't be able to get Vince to see how much I want to return. It's not like I can fax him or something. Kane thought.

He waited until after breakfast to head down to the gym. He worked himself pretty hard. Then he went back upstairs and sat until his breathing and the slight lightheaded feeling had passed.

Once it had he showered and ate lunch. Finally he worked for a half-hour on his speech.

I'll do some more later. I have to get my voice working at least a little or I'll never be able to deal with Vince. Kane decided.

Kane closed his eyes and began to plan his return.

?

He sat down to watch the tapes as soon as they arrived.

"Not bad. Not bad at all." He said, smirking as he rewound them.

They just need a little something extra. He thought.

Then with an evil chuckle still on his lips, he picked up the phone.

"These are fine. Now your next assignment is to find the woman I had you research earlier. I want pictures of what she's doing now. I'm sure you know the kind I want." The large man said once Sam had answered.

"I know exactly what you want. I'll find her and get you the shots as soon as I can." Sam said.

"Find her fast. I want those shots by the end of next week." He demanded sternly. "Don't forget what happens when you don't do what you're told."

"I won't." Sam said quickly, the nervousness evident in his cracking voice.

"Good because I'd hate to have to remind you." He growled.

"You won't need to, I'll have your shots by the end of next week." Sam said quickly.

A click and a dial tone was the only response

*J.J./Sandy*

"Finally the shopping is finished." J.J. said with a sigh.

Every time I go shopping I think of Kane at Wal-Mart and the mall. J.J. thought.

"Now I think I really do hate shopping." She laughed.

"Oh you do not. Besides, like you said it's all done now?" Sandy said.

If I can keep her around a little longer and get her to work with me a lot she'll open up. Sandy thought.

"So what's the time schedule look like?" J.J. asked, beginning to become anxious about staying so long in one place.

Soon I'll be on my way. I just hope I can get away without her finding out anything more. J.J. thought.

"Well, we should have the place cleaned up and in order by the end of next week. We'll set the grand opening for a week later. That will give us a little extra time in case something comes up." Sandy said smiling excitedly.

"Sounds good. What are you doing for the grand opening?" J.J. asked.

"Inviting anyone we can think of for a party. Doors will be open as well. But if we send out invitations, we'll at least have some confirmed guests." Sandy said.

"You've really thought about this haven't you?" J.J. said laughing.

"Yeah, I've been planning it since we hired you." She replied, joining J.J.'s laughter.

"I should have known." J.J. said.

"Hey, you still have to help me get this place looking good. Then help with the decorations for the party. Everything has to be perfect." Sandy said, waggling her eyebrows.

"Oh man, I think I'm in deep here aren't I." J.J. said.

Sandy just laughed.

"Think of it this way. When it's all over we get to have a hell of a party." Sandy said.

*Mike*

"Hello." Mike said, picking up the phone.

"Mike, its J.J. I just wanted you to know everything is just fine. I'm alive and well." J.J. said, making him laugh.

"Good. Have you changed locations?" He said.

"Nice try Mike. Keep that up and I'll only call Ron." J.J. said laughing.

"Ok, jeez I'll be good." Mike said.

"Everything ok. Did you tell Mario not to hunt down Kane? I wouldn't want Kane getting hurt." J.J. said facetiously.

"Yeah, he said to tell you 'your big friend is safe for now.'" Mike said.

"What did he mean 'for now'?" J.J. asked.

"Well, I don't think he believes Kane didn't hurt you. So he'll leave him alone until he knows for sure." Mike said beginning to chuckle.

"That's a relief." J.J. said.

They spoke for a little while longer then hung up.

*Kane*

Kane woke slowly.

Damn pills keep knocking me out. He thought, as he stretched.

He looked at the clock and realized he'd slept for two hours.

It's nearly time for them to deliver my supper. He thought.

I think it's time I cancelled my standing order and began ordering over the phone for each meal. That will give me the practice I need and I won't have to keep eating the same things all the time. He thought. Besides, I don't need the soft foods anymore.

Getting up he took a walk downstairs and let them know he'd be ordering by the meal after tonight.

Then he headed back upstairs.

Once again he pulled out the tapes he'd received recently.

No matter how many times I see these things. They just don't make any sense. Kane thought.

A knock pulled him from his thoughts.

It's probably just dinner. Kane thought, as he slid on his mask.

He opened the door and stepped back in surprise.

"Package sir." The bellman said.

Kane looked at him a moment, then reached out and took the package.

Who would be sending me anything? If it were Pete he'd have told me to expect it. He thought, as he quickly tipped the delivery person and shut the door.

Turning around, he began examining the package for any return address or some sign of who had sent it.

Nothing, there is absolutely no sign at all of where this came from. Maybe there is a note inside. Kane thought, as he carefully opened it.

Reaching in he pulled out five tapes.

*Sam*

Sam went through yet another database looking for any sign of Miss. Jayla Jaston.

I know she couldn't have just disappeared. There is no choice I must find her. I don't even want to think about what will happen if I don't. Sam thought, shivering slightly at just the idea.

"He's one guy you don't piss off. If I can't find her, I'd better find a way to disappear as well as she did." He thought.

He continued looking for any credit card use, ATM withdrawal or cash transfer.

"Damn it! I've been at this for two days. She has to be somewhere." He thought, running a hand through his shaggy hair.

Sam got up and paced the room for a few minutes. Then he sat down heavily back in front of the computer.

Scrolling further down he saw it.

"Got you! I've got you." He nearly yelled, jumping to his feet and pumping his fist with excitement.

It's just an ATM hit, but it gives me a starting point. He thought sitting back down.

Pouring over the data. He soon found further evidence of her passage.

"You seem to have left me a nice trail there Jayla. Once I found the beginning it was all laid out right in front of me." He said getting up.

He rushed out the door and into his jeep.

"It's going to take me all night to get to you. But I'll have plenty of time to get him what he wants." Sam told himself, as he drove toward the end of the path.

*J.J./Sandy/Roger*

J.J. leaned back against the wall and wiped her forearm across her sweaty brow.

"Break Time!" Roger hollered collapsing into a chair.

"You just had a break old man." Sandy said laughing.

"Woman, do you plan to work us to death?" He replied laughing.

"Yes, then all this would be mine." Sandy said, sweeping her hand to indicate the whole bar.

"Oh you witch." He said laughing. "I can just imagine you actually having to deal with the customers on a regular basis."

"I could do it." She replied.

Roger just looked at her.

"Ok, I'll keep you around. But just so I'll be able to concentrate on the cooking." Sandy said.

J.J. looked at the two of them trying to figure out what had just happened.

"She's a bit on the shy side. If it were up to her she'd never leave the kitchen." Roger said.

"What's wrong with that?" Sandy asked.

"Nothing. It's perfect, because I prefer to be out front with the customers." Roger said.

J.J. started laughing.

"What is so funny young lady?" They both asked simultaneously.

"You two. I can't believe it. You guys are the perfect couple. He's outgoing, she's shy." J.J. said. "You're so good together."

They are too good to be true. It's Kane and I reversed. I was the outgoing one and he was shy. I can't stand it. J.J. thought.

"You're just too prefect. Just like…" J.J. began, but then felt the tears fill her eyes.

"I have to go." She said, turning and running out the door.

"What was that?" Roger asked.

"That was a broken heart. She's still really hurting over someone." Sandy said.

*Kane*

What the hell is going on? Kane wondered.

Again he looked for a note or some sign of where these had come from. There was absolutely nothing. The only marking was that each tape was labeled one through five.

Taking them into the other room, he placed them on the table. Then he got himself a bottle of water and sat down.

Who keeps sending me these things? Am I constantly being watched or something? They can't be showing me the same type of thing? I wasn't at the last couple of shows so what could they have to show me? Kane wondered, staring at the tapes.

Finally, he swallowed apprehensively and loaded the first one.

First there was darkness and spooky laughter. Then suddenly there was a picture.

What is that? Why am I being shown a house? Kane wondered. Could there have been some mistake and these were supposed to go to someone else?

Still watching, he saw the door open and someone come out.

Pete? This is just getting more confusing by the minute. Kane thought, as he watched Pete carry some bags to the car.

He watched the trainer go back inside.

It must be his house. Kane thought, watching two little girls being herded into the car by Pete.

He could hear them laughing as they came. He smiled as he watched Pete struggle to get them into the car and strapped down.

Their names are Katie and Bethany. He thought, as he heard Pete say their names repeatedly.

No wonder he's so good at wrangling wrestlers, he deals with small children. Kane thought smiling. He looks like a good father. Even though they are being troublesome he's not yelling or angry.

His smile faded a minute later when he saw Pete heading for the car yet again.

I wonder what's wrong with him? Kane thought, as the trainer now brought a small frail-looking child out in a wheelchair.

He felt his breath catch, as Pete gently lifted him out of the chair and into the car.

"Move over and give Andy some room." Kane heard Pete say.

That's why he doesn't see me as a freak. He has a damaged child. Kane thought sadly, as he watched them.

The tapes continued in this manner. Each one was showing Pete and his family happily living their lives.

Did he send me this for the same reason he gave me the cookies? Is he trying to make me feel more like everyone else by sharing his family's life? Kane wondered.

Through the tapes he learned their names and what they liked. He heard them laugh, joke and play.

Is that what childhood is supposed to be? Is that what I missed? Kane wondered, his eyes filling as the loss twisted his heart.

No, I will not begrudge Pete's family their happiness. He works hard and is a good man. They deserve that much at least. Kane thought, wanting to feel happy for them instead of jealous.

He watched the tapes, becoming more pleased as he sat watching them live a normal life.

Maybe he's trying to help me understand normal better by showing it to me. Kane decided, as the screen went black at the end of the fourth tape.

I'll have to remember to thank him, when I see him, for sharing this with me. Kane thought, getting up to put the fifth tape in.

This one began with the children being picked up from school.

I wonder what grades they're in. He thought, as he saw Pete pick up the two girls.

But where's Andy? Kane wondered when he didn't come out too.

He got his answer a few minutes later. When Pete pulled up in front of another school.

This one is different. At the other school there were kids running all over the place. Kane realized, as he watched children being brought out one at a time to their parents.

Is this where they put damaged people? Is it a special school or just someplace to put them? Kane wondered.

He watched the little boy's eyes shine with happiness as he saw Pete.

He just looks so happy. Now I understand what J.J. meant about someone lighting up. It must be that look. Andy must have a really hard time when Pete goes away to work. Kane thought sadly.

Kane smiled when the next scene began, it was the four of them in a pool.

"Come on mommy, come swim with us?" Katie called out, waving to someone off camera.

"Yeah Andrea get in here." Pete called, as he helped Andy move through the water.

The camera panned showing a pretty woman with pale blonde hair and a long red shirt.

Andrea, she's the one who made me those cookies. Kane thought, happy to finally be able to put a face to Pete's wife.

He smiled when she nodded and pulled off the shirt before diving into the pool.

Pete's a very luck man. He has everything a man could want. How can he stand to leave it all the time to go to work? Kane wondered.

He continued to watch the family play a little longer. Then they had a barbecue on the deck.

Finally they began to pack up and go inside.

The screen went black as the tape ended. Kane began to get up, but stopped suddenly when another image filled the screen. It was a large figure, but it was completely in darkness. Making it impossible to see who it was.

"They're so happy aren't they?" A distorted voice said.

What the hell is happening, who is that? Kane wondered.

"It would be a shame if something were to happen to one of them wouldn't it." The voice continued.

Images suddenly filled the screen.

A cemetery? Kane thought, falling back onto the couch.

The disturbing images continued.

Blood, funerals caskets and an empty wheelchair? I don't understand. Kane thought.

Does the person behind the voice plan to kill them? Why would he send the tapes to me if he does? Kane thought getting confused.

"It's simple. Say nothing and Stay clear of them. If you do they stay safe." The voice intoned. "Even you should be able to follow those simple instructions."

Kane stared at the screen until the pictures had long ended.

What is going on? Who would send such a thing and make threats against Pete. Who knows to threaten me like that? Kane wondered, feeling his anger rise.

*J.J.*

Getting back to her hotel room. J.J. threw herself down on the bed. Finally she allowed the tears she'd been holding since she left Rog and Sandy to flow.

She curled up around a pillow and shook as the sobs wracked her body.

I thought I could do it. That I could walk away and make myself go on. Well I walked away, but I know now that I'll never be over him. I'll live the rest of my life with his memory tearing my heart apart. J.J. thought, crying so hard that she was having trouble breathing.

I know it's my own fault. I deserve this and worse. J.J. reminded herself.

She finally cried herself to sleep still clutching a pillow.

****Dreaming****

J.J. found herself walking alone. Through the barren halls of someplace she didn't recognize.

She walked and walked, never seeing anyone or any way out. After what seemed like forever, she couldn't walk anymore.

J.J. put her back to a wall and slid down until she sat on the floor. She pulled her knees up in front of her and rested her chin on top of them.

Tears of loneliness, fear and frustration slid unnoticed down her cheeks. Finally she could cry no more.

"Where am I?" She wondered aloud, her voice cracking with emotion.

"You are where you belong. Alone where you can't hurt anyone else." A disembodied voice replied.

"I don't understand." J.J. said in response.

"You were given a chance at happiness. Your true love was revealed to you. He was your soul mate. But you couldn't trust him with your secrets. You let your mistrust destroy the opportunity you were granted. You were his chance too and you ruined it with your paranoia." The voice said.

"Ok, I understand now. You're right I do belong here. But please tell me I wasn't his only chance. Tell me he'll be happy. Please say I didn't exile him to this emptiness." J.J. cried to the walls.

She waited a minute, two and longer.

"Please answer me Please. Whoever you are please tell me he can have another shot. That he won't be punished for my stupidity and selfishness." J.J. screamed, getting to her feet.

Now running through the halls, she continued to plead with whoever would listen to not punish him for what she'd done. Her cries echoed through the empty halls.

"Please he's had so little happiness don't say he'll never find a love that's true. He deserves it more than anyone I've ever known does. Please!" She stumbled and fell her shout dying on her lips.

"Is there anyone there? Tell me please." She whispered.

****End Dream****

A loud crash woke her from sleep. She knew immediately that she had knocked something off the table.

Maybe not knowing is part of my punishment. J.J. thought sadly, as she was trying to get to her feet.

She stumbled to the main room and saw that she had several messages.

Maybe later, I don't want to talk to anyone now. She thought, searching through her bags.

There you are. She thought pulling out the doll he'd won for her.

Clutching it to her chest. She sank to the floor and began to rock unconsciously.

*Sandy/Roger*

"Stop already Sandy. You've left her three messages. When she's ready she'll call you." Roger said sternly.

"But she was so upset when she left. Maybe I should go over to the hotel?" Sandy said sounding distraught.

"You will do no such thing. You yourself said she needed time, so give it to her." Roger said.

"But…" She began.

"Sandy if you push she'll either push back or pull farther away. Either way you won't get the result you want. She won't open up and you won't be able to 'help' her." Roger said; interrupting her and sounding frustrated.

"Ok, I'll leave her alone. But she's got to talk to someone. It's really bad for her to bottle up all her emotions." Sandy said.

*Sam*

Sam sat outside the Red Roof Inn waiting.

I know you haven't checked out yet. That means you have to leave some time. Sam thought, taking another sip of his coffee and staring at the entrance.

Finally! He thought, as he watched her walk out the door.

Now I'll find out what she's driving. That will make it easier to keep tabs on her. He thought, as he waited for her to go into the parking area.

What is she doing? He wondered, when she walked out and down the street. Is she trying to lose me? Does she know she's being watched?

Getting out of the car. He followed behind her as she walked down the street.

This is crazy she's sure to spot me. But following her in a car would be even more obvious. He thought.

Continuing behind her he watched her go into a Bar/Restaurant called the 'Stepping Stone'. He went to the window and watched her.

It looks like she's working here, but what's she doing? She can't be working as a photographer not in this place. Besides it looks like the place is remodeling. Sam thought, as he watched them.

Doesn't matter what she's doing. I WILL get the pictures he wants! No matter what it takes! Sam thought, smiling to himself.


	15. losing the light Chapter 15

Chapter 15

*J.J./Sandy/Roger*

Rolling out of bed the next morning, she carefully placed the doll on the nightstand.

It's silly but it actually makes me feel closer to him when I hold her. J.J. thought, feeling childish for having slept with a doll.

Dragging herself into the shower, she tried to wake herself up.

Come on, so you slept like shit last night. That doesn't mean you can call out of work. After what I did yesterday I'd love to call out. But Sandy would only come to check on me because of the way I left. J.J. thought.

"I'm surprised she didn't last night." J.J. said quietly to herself, as she dried off.

Throwing on some clothes, J.J. headed out.

Getting to the 'Stepping Stone' she took a deep breath before walking in.

"Hey guys." She called out, trying to sound cheerful.

"Hey girl." Roger said, walking over and giving her a huge hug.

"Feeling better today J.J.?" Sandy asked, getting right to the point.

"Sure am. I was asleep moments after I got to the hotel room. I don't know what came over me. I'm really sorry I left that way." J.J. said, hoping that would end the subject.

Sandy started to open her mouth, but then closed it when Roger gave her a stern look from behind J.J.

"So are you ready to get back to work. You won't believe how much she made me do yesterday after you left. It was terrible, she's a slave driver." Roger said, throwing his arm across J.J.'s shoulders.

"Really, then maybe you should take today off and escape the tyrant." J.J. said.

A roll of paper towels bounced off Roger's chest, making them both laugh.

"See now she's abusing me. You have to protect me." Roger said, making everyone laugh even harder.

The friendly banter continued all day. There was a lot of laughter and J.J. was thankful that no more was mentioned about her abrupt departure. They worked hard throughout the day. Finally they decided to call it a night.

"Its awful late J.J., why don't you let me take you home." Roger said, as he gave her a quick hug goodbye. "I really wouldn't mind."

"Naah it's just a couple blocks." J.J. replied.

"If you're sure." Roger said.

"Yeah, besides I wouldn't want your wife to get jealous." J.J. said with a smile.

"Ok, we'll see you tomorrow." Sandy said.

"Sure thing bright and early boss." J.J. said laughing as she ducked a thrown rag.

*Sam*

I got some great shots of her with them.

Is that guy her boyfriend? Could she be doing the both of them? Sam wondered, as he moved to a less obvious location to continue watching the bar.

They're so friendly together it makes me sick. Something has to be going on. He decided as he waited for her to leave.

*Kane*

Kane was unable to contain himself as his rage grew. Kane got to his feet and walked out. He headed directly to the gym.

Who could have done such a thing? Would they actually follow through? Would they really hurt or even kill a member of Pete's family? Kane wondered, as he worked himself hard.

He went through his entire routine for the second time that day. He'd even put the weigh back up to his what his normal had been before the injury.

What the hell do I do? Can I warn Pete? Kane wondered.

No, the instructions were to say nothing and to stay clear. Kane reminded himself.

I can only think of two people capable of this Mark and Hunter. Both of them are just unpredictable enough to make me worry. Mark's been quiet lately. Hunter's been nothing but trouble. But why would anyone bother trying to keep me away from Pete? Who even knows that he's been helping me? Kane wondered, as he finished his workout.

Kane was so distracted; he didn't realize that his breathing had gotten really ragged.

Walking out into the lobby, he was quickly approached by one of the hotel staff.

"Sir are you ok? You don't sound good." The staff person asked.

Kane lifted his head and looked at the man who'd approached him. He nodded once and started to turn away. A hand on his arm stopped him.

"Are you sure you don't need assistance?" He asked Kane.

Turning to face him again, Kane gave an emphatic nod and walked away.

Getting back upstairs, he rested for a while then he showered.

He sat down and rewound the last tape. Then he listened to the warning again.

Whose voice was that? If I could figure that out I'd know how serious the threat is. Kane thought, as he listened to it again and again.

I can't make out who that is. He decided after listening to it for more than an hour.

Finally turning off the set, he went into the bedroom. However sleep was elusive.

He lay there staring at the ceiling going over what had happened recently. He saw the tapes again of Mark helping him. Then remembered all the trouble Hunter had caused.

Hunter even got others on the roster to go for me too. Kane thought.

He lay there until dawn without coming up with a clear answer as to who could be behind the tapes.

As the dawn light lit the room he finally decided that it didn't matter who had made the threat.

I know they're trying to manipulate me again. Just as they did when they threatened J.J. But I can't let Pete suffer for helping me. I can't take the chance that the threat was real. Kane thought, realizing there was no decision to make.

There is no decision because I have no choice. I have to follow the instructions. I can't allow Pete or any member of his family to be hurt because of me. Kane told himself.

*Vince*

Vince sat in his office and went through the comments that had been coming in from the fans.

'You shouldn't have suspended him he was angry. He thought he was defending himself. Bring him back immediately.'

'Why are you always punishing Kane but letting other people get away with the same things. We want him back.'

'Vince you are such an ass and a hypocrite you condemn one and encourage another in the same actions. Reinstate him.'

'Why are you always pushing Kane down. He has more talent than half your guys. He's tough as nails but you keep screwing him. Get a brain and get him back right away.'

"I can't believe they want Kane back so bad. You'd think after all he's done lately they'd hate him, but they don't. How could they cheer for him he's a monster. I guess they are just too stupid to see what he really is." Vince muttered tossing some of the papers on the floor.

"What!" He yelled when he heard the door open.

He heard only a growl.

Looking up quickly, he froze when he saw who'd walked into his office.

Shit what the hell does he want? Vince thought fearfully.

"Umm, Undertaker what can I do for you?" He stuttered.

"I know you didn't have that many matches signed for Kane. You never sign many matches in advance for him. You'd rather spring them on him to ensure he cannot be prepared." Undertaker said.

Holy shit he looks pissed. Vince thought as his jaw dropped open.

"Just because my brother and I are at odds, does not mean I don't watch what happens. He is still of my blood and you would do well to remember that in the future." Undertaker said, before turning and abruptly walking out.

What the hell does he care? He never has before. Vince thought, trying to rationalize Undertaker's presence.

"Get out." Vince yelled at his retreating form.

He was trying to sound angry but only sounded afraid.

Are they back together again? Vince wondered. I hope not, together they are a real problem.

*DX*

"Hunter I just saw Undertaker leaving Vince's office. He didn't look happy." Tori said thinking she was gaining points with Hunter.

I'll show him how valuable I can be even if X-Pac doesn't want me. Tori said.

"So what. He could have been there to be told about tonight's match with X-Pac against Gangrel. Or it could have been tag team match the Outlaws requested against the Brood." Hunter said sarcastically.

Does she really think I care about anything she has to say? I already knew he'd been in there. Now if she could tell me what Undertaker said, that would be worth something. Hunter thought staring daggers at the blond.

Tori cringed at his angry tone.

Oh no, now I've made him angry again. I have to do better or he'll throw me out. Tori thought the fear showing on her face.

X-Pac looked over at the two of them.

Hunter just treats everyone like shit. That is unless he wants you to do something. Then if nice doesn't work, he finds a way to force you into it. He thought sadly.

His thoughts turned again to Kane as he wondered if he'd gotten the tapes.

Did he watch them? Do they make more sense to him than they did to us? Does Kane have any idea why his brother is suddenly getting involved? X-Pac wondered. I hope so, because if he can't figure it out he could be in serious trouble.

X-Pac turned his attention to Billy and Jessie. He watched as they made fun of different people mainly Kane.

I'd like nothing better than to kill those assholes and Hunter. But it wouldn't do any good to try. They'd kill me, or they'd toss me out and get other people to do it. X-Pac thought, trying to keep his anger and hate from showing.

*J.J./Sam*

Getting back to the hotel, J.J. went right to the gym. She mainly went through her cardio because she was too tired to do the weights.

When she'd finished, she headed back upstairs.

She never saw the Sam following her up.

Damn, when this job is over I think I'll take some time off. I need to try to get my head straight. J.J. thought as she washed her hair.

Sam waited until he heard the shower running. Then he slipped into her room.

Damn I'd love to get me a piece of that. Sam thought, as he watched her shower.

Pulling himself away from the enticing scene, he went into her bedroom. He quickly picked out a couple of pieces of clothes and undergarments. When Sam saw the negligee, he couldn't resist and took that too.

The way it was buried in the back of the drawer she'll never miss it. But it might come in handy. He thought, leaving quickly when he heard the shower turn off.

Stepping out of the shower, J.J. instantly got an odd feeling. She dried off quickly and dressed.

Going out into the main room, she felt as if someone were there. She searched the rooms but couldn't find anything out of place.

You're just feeling spooked. Relax and get some dinner. After a good night's sleep you'll be fine. She told herself.

*Kane*

Finally in the early morning light, sleep caught up with Kane and he dozed off.

Waking up a few hours later he still had a heavy heart.

Getting to his feet Kane knew what he had to do. He just didn't know if he could do it.

I have to stay away. But he's so persistent. I know he won't make that easy. I'll just have to be strong and not let him change my mind. Kane decided finally.

Changing quickly, Kane headed down to the gym.

He worked himself pretty hard. Making more demands on his body than he had of late. Before long he was having a lot of trouble breathing.

No, I'll work through this. I have to make my body obey. Kane thought, unconsciously punishing himself for what he was about to do.

When he'd finished his routine. He rested for a bit, stretching as he calmed his breathing.

Then he moved to the heavy bag.

I will do this. I will be strong and return soon. When I do, I can't let Pete anywhere near me. If I do he'll be in danger. I won't do that to him after all he's done for me. Kane told himself sternly.

He spent nearly an hour pounding on the bag before he finally decided he'd had enough.

J.J. would kill me. He thought, looking down at his battered hands.

He couldn't help but smile slightly remembering the mixture of anger and tenderness she'd shown as she tended him.

Heading back upstairs, he saw that he already had a message.

Kane picked up the phone and punched in the message code.

"Kane, sorry I missed you. I'll try again later." Pete's voice said.

Kane could hear the happiness in his voice.

Sitting down Kane tried in vain to read. Then practiced with his voice box until the pain in his throat was unbearable.

Unable to sit still any longer, he headed out the door. He wandered down to a local bar and had a few drinks, but even they didn't relax him. Finally, he headed back to the hotel to await the inevitable.

*Pete*

He should be back by now. Pete thought, reaching for the phone.

He quickly dialed Kane's number and waited.

Kane heard the phone ring and started to get up. Then he reminded himself that talking to Pete could be dangerous for him, so he sat back down.

Hang up, Pete just hang up. Kane thought, fighting his urge to answer.

"You can't still be out Kane. Why aren't you answering? Did something happen? Answer damn it." Pete said sounding more worried with every word.

Kane saw the message light come on but still didn't move.

I'll wait a bit and try again. He might have gone out to dinner or something. Hell, maybe he's at the gym. Pete thought trying to calm his fears.

Getting up, he opened the mini-bar and selected a bottle of bourbon. He got a glass and headed back to the couch.

Maybe if I'm relaxed enough, I won't feel like such an ass for not answering. Kane thought, as he poured himself another drink.

Within forty-five minutes, he'd abandoned the glass altogether and was drinking right from the bottle.

Not yet, it's too soon. Pete told himself for the fifth time in twenty minutes.

Pete paced back and forth, constantly checking his watch.

Damn it I can't wait any longer. Pete thought, picking up the phone again.

Kane heard the phone begin to ring again. He stared at it as if it would bite him, but didn't move.

No, don't answer they'll hurt him… you can't answer. Kane kept repeating, as the phone rang and rang.

*J.J./Sam*

J.J. paced the room. She couldn't shake the feeling that someone had been there.

It was probably just housekeeping. They must have moved something and that's what's bothering you. If you find it and put it back the feeling will go away. J.J. told herself, as she looked carefully around the room.

What is she looking for? Did I leave something behind? Sam wondered.

"What is it?" She muttered, looking at the room one piece at a time.

I'm sure I put everything back exactly how I found it. I know I did! He told himself.

After nearly an hour, she finally gave up and sat down on the couch.

"I know the second I quit worrying about it, I'll find what's off." J.J. said quietly.

Good, give up. If you find me before I can get what I need, I'm a dead man. If that happens you'll go first. Sam thought, from his spot across from her room.

J.J. turned on her set and just stared at it. Just as her eyes started to droop, she was startled awake by the sound of the WWF theme music.

What? Jeez.. She thought, sitting up and focusing on the TV.

"Shit they're coming. Not here but really close, I have to get out of here." She thought, beginning to panic.

What's she watching? She's suddenly very alert. Did she figure out what was wrong? Sam thought.

"What am I going to do? If they're that close they may have signings here or something. Shit what if one of them comes here and sees me?" J.J. thought, getting up.

"What are you doing now? What's upset you so much?" Sam asked her, even knowing she couldn't hear him.

"Wait just relax. Find out if they're going to be in the immediate area. If they are you can easily avoid that spot. It's not like they're going to be looking for you." J.J. told herself.

Feeling somewhat calmer, J.J. sat back down.

Well, whatever it was she's over it. Sam thought, as he watched her.

He settled back down and kept his eye on her for a little longer.

After a while J.J.'s eyes began to droop again.

Sam watched her get up and stretch.

Damn, I wish I were down here to do more than take her picture. Now that would be fun. He thought licking his lips.

Maybe I could get a ticket and see him. Not front row, I couldn't take that chance. It wouldn't hurt anything as long as he doesn't see me would it? J.J. thought, feeling a surge of hope.

"No, you said you'd stay away and you will, even if they are close. You will keep your word and stay away." J.J. told herself sternly.

Rolling over, she closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind.

I need to sleep. She thought.

Sam waited awhile, until he was sure she was asleep.

Damn she is good looking. I'd seen her in pictures while I was doing the research, but they didn't do her justice. Sam thought, looking down at J.J. while she slept.

Moving closer, he couldn't help but reach out and touch her cheek.

She has nice soft skin. I wonder why he wants that kind of dirt on her. She doesn't look like she could hurt a fly. Sam thought, backing out of the room.

Turning, he went into the main room. He looked around and almost immediately spotted the photo album. Squatting down he memorized exactly how it was positioned. Then he picked it up.

Opening the cover, he was surprised to see pictures of Kane inside.

Is she a fan? No, the next pictures are of them together. Were they dating? Is that why he wants so much information on her? Sam wondered, becoming confused by the whole thing.

Damn, it don't matter what's going on, so long as I get paid. Sam decided, taking the book with him as he stepped out of her room.

I'll just get some pictures of these; he's sure give me bonus. Sam thought, smiling as he headed out.

*Pete*

"Damn it! Where the hell are you." Pete demanded from the ringing phone.

"Kane, Please give me a call I don't know how I keep missing you." Pete said to the machine yet again.

Finally he slammed down the offending receiver and threw a pillow across the room.

"I know something is wrong. Damn it why is he not answering? We had an agreement. He was answering before. What happened?" Pete asked himself, beginning to pace.

He tried calling several times throughout the night. But the results were always the same.

"Well, if he's suddenly going to stop answering. Then there has to be something wrong. I'll just go see him in person. He can't avoid me then." Pete decided.

Picking up the phone, Pete dialed the number one last time.

There now you know I'm on my way. Maybe you'll call me, if only to stop me from coming after you. Pete thought, as he hung up.

*Kane*

Crawling out of bed Kane sighed.

I'll say one thing for Pete, he don't give up easy. Kane thought, shaking his head.

Then again if he did, he would have given up on me a long time ago. Kane reminded himself.

He'd be better off if he had given up. Kane thought sadly.

Getting, up he headed into the main room. He sat down and wearily reached for the phone.

"Kane give me a call please. I don't know how I keep missing you." Pete's messages said.

With each message Pete sounded more worried.

"Kane I've been trying to reach you all night. Now I know there has to be something wrong. Since you won't or can't answer, I'm coming to you." Pete's voice said, sounding nearly as worried as he had that night in the locker room.

That's no good. If whoever is threatening him finds out… I can't even think of it. Kane thought, trying to decide what to do.

I can't be here when he arrives. Kane decided, immediately turning back to the bedroom.

He took a quick shower and got dressed.

As soon as he'd finished, he began to gather his belongings. Kane tossed them haphazardly into his bags. Then he checked the room for anything he'd left behind.

Moving into the main room, he did the same thing.

With a final once over, Kane walked out and headed down to the desk.

"Check out." Kane said, struggling with the box to say the words.

"No problem sir. I hope your stay was pleasant. It will only take a moment to prepare your bill." The clerk said.

A minute later, Kane paid the bill and picked up his bags.

*Sam*

Getting back to the hotel, Sam carefully approached her door. Putting his ear to the cool surface he listened.

Sounds quiet. Sam thought, waiting a moment longer.

Then he carefully let himself into her room.

Opening the door an inch at a time, he prepared himself to act drunk and apologetic if she should catch him there.

Good, it's dead silent and still dark. Sam thought, moving further into the room.

Sam went to the table and placed the album back exactly where he'd found it.

She'll never know it was gone. Sam thought smiling.

Sam was still feeling pleased with himself, as he headed back to his room.

I'd better get some, sleep she's an early riser. Sam thought to himself, as he lay on the bed.

*J.J.*

Waking slowly, J.J. rolled onto her back.

"Don't just lay here like a lump. Get up and get moving." J.J. told herself.

Finally making it to her feet, J.J. headed for the shower. When she'd dressed, she went into the main room.

I don't know what's going on, but it still feels like someone was here. It just feels wrong. J.J. thought to herself, as she moved around the room.

What is it? Something must have changed for me to feel like this two days in a row. J.J. thought.

Going downstairs she went to the desk.

"Excuse me, I'm in room 54. I was wondering if there had been some maintenance done in the last couple of days?" J.J. asked, once she had the clerk's attention.

The young lady looked into the computer for a few minutes.

"No, we don't have any record of anyone but housekeeping being in your room. They were in about noon yesterday." She said.

"No, this would have been later than that. Or some time this morning." J.J. replied.

"Sorry ma'am, but we have no record of anything like that." She said with a shrug.

"Thanks for all your help." J.J. said quietly, before turning and heading for the door.

Still thinking about the odd feeling, J.J. began to walk toward the restaurant.

You're just feeling jumpy. It'll eventually pass. J.J. told herself.

*Kane*

Getting into his rental, Kane drove across town to another hotel.

He won't think to look this far from where I started, or in a different hotel chain. Kane decided, as he checked into his new room.

Tossing his gear in a corner he changed. Then headed out in search of the hotel Gym.

Finding it at last, he walked in and checked out the equipment.

Not bad, it will definitely serve its purpose. He thought, moving to the first machine in his routine.

As he set the weight he heard the door open. Reacting by habit he quickly spun around and was ready to fight.

"Holy shit! Man relax, I ain't here to mess you." He told Kane, brining his hands up in a warding off posture.

Idiot, no one is anywhere near here. There is no reason to expect an ambush. Kane thought, feeling a little embarrassed.

With a nod, Kane turned back to his machine.

Kane could still feel his eyes on him, even as he took position to begin his workout.

Block him out. He is no danger to you. Kane told himself.

Going through his routine, Kane constantly caught the guy looking at him.

Why is he staring? I mean I know the mask attracts attention, but they usually stop after a few minutes. Kane thought, as he finished his last set on the bench press.

Getting up he was tempted to leave, but decided to see how far this guy would take the staring.

Kane unconsciously glared at him, as he moved to the Punching bag.

Kane concentrated on the blows he was delivering. He was hitting it hard enough to get it really swinging, so he had to time his blows.

Don't think of anything but the bag. He told himself, whenever his mind would drift.

Kane was so focused; that he'd nearly forgotten he wasn't alone. When suddenly the bag stopped moving.

Snapping his gaze away from the bag, he looked beyond it.

What the hell is he doing? Kane wondered, seeing the man from earlier holding the bag.

"Go ahead. I find it easier to work with this thing if someone holds it. Not to mention a better workout." He said, bracing in anticipation of Kane's next blow.

Kane stepped back and just stared at him.

What does he want? Does he know who I am? Kane wondered. No, if he knew who I was. He wouldn't be coming anywhere near me.

Kane waited for his stare to have some effect.

Fine, he wants me to hit it. I will! Kane thought, when the guy didn't move.

Stepping forward, Kane drew back and struck. His tightly clenched fist nailing the bag with a mighty thud.

He watched the smaller man's weight shift, as he absorbed the blow. But he didn't let go.

"Nice, you must do this a lot." He said. "My name's Deacon James. Most people around here just call me Deke."

Why is he introducing himself? Kane wondered stopping again.

"Hey don't stop, come on man keep going." Deke said.

All right you asked for it. Kane thought, putting his concentration back into his swings.

"Awesome, I would guess this is too easy for you, try this." Deke said, as he began to move the bag around in front of him.

Kane began to follow him, keeping the bag between himself and Deke.

This does make it harder. Having to follow someone else's movement instead of the natural movement of the bag. Kane thought surprised that it mattered.

Occasionally he would hear Deke grunt, but he never let go or asked him to go easy.

"So you plan to stop or pass out first?" Deke asked, after about an hour of holding the bag.

What? Kane thought.

It took a moment for Deke's words to penetrate his focus. That's when he noticed how ragged his breathing had become.

Kane stopped and stepped back.

"Thanks for the workout." Deke said smiling.

What does he mean? I was the only one having the workout. Though why he would do that is a mystery to me. Kane thought.

As Deke came around the bag, Kane saw that he was soaked in sweat.

"You've got a hell of a heavy hand there…" Deke said, waiting for Kane to give his name.

When he didn't, Deke reached out to shake his hand.

Kane hesitated a moment, flipped his hair back. Then took his hand. He also noticed a look of surprise on Deke's face.

Did he not know who I was? Kane thought with bewilderment.

Still surprised, Kane turned and walked out of the room.

I'd better go before he really begins to realize who he just sparred with. Kane thought, a small smile breaking out when he remembered the look on Deke's face.

Watching the big man walk away, Deke shook his head.

Once he'd walked out the door. He turned and began to look over and clean the equipment.

I don't know how I missed that mask when he whipped around to look at me. Guess I was too shocked by his size. Deke thought with a laugh.

"I have to admit, when I saw it I was floored. Why the hell would anyone wear something so uncomfortable looking?" Deke wondered aloud.

I've had the trainer/caretaker job at this gym for three years. I've never seen that kind of intensity in anyone who's used it. Damn this place is sometimes empty for days at a time. I think that's about to change. That is if he stays a while. Deke thought, happy that the gym would finally get used, as it should be.

"This place hasn't been anything but another 'meeting place' for hunting singles since I've been here." Deke muttered sounding disgusted.

Having cleaned and run his usual maintenance checks on the gear and free weights, Deke headed back up.

What boggles me is that he didn't give me his name, even after I'd given him mine. That's kind of unusual. Deke thought, as he got ready to jump into the shower.

Sitting down he turned on the set.

"That stuff is ridiculous." He thought smiling, when a WWF commercial came on.

He quickly changed the channel.

J.J.

J.J. shook herself, trying to get rid of the eerie feeling. Then she headed for work.

"Hey guys." She said trying to sound normal as she walked in.

"Morning. So what do you think?" Sandy asked.

Looking good. Maybe I can get out of here before they come. J.J. thought.

"Three more days of cleaning and getting all your things where you want them. That should be plenty of time." J.J. said.

"Good now we plan the PARTY," Sandy said laughing.

I wonder if I can convince them I need to move on before the party. If I stay until then, well he'll be only one town away. I don't know if I'll be able to keep my promise. J.J. thought.

J.J. just shook her head.

"You'd never guess she was a grown up would you." Roger laughed.

"Sure I would, but a fun one." J.J. replied.

That got both of them laughing. Soon their laughter faded and they got started.

The day went quickly and before long she was headed back to the hotel. She never noticed the man tailing her, even when he was taking her picture.

Getting back to the hotel J.J. went upstairs and changed. Then she headed down to the gym.

Sam followed, always careful not to be seen, even by the staff.

*Sam*

Damn it! I've been following her for three days. She doesn't do anything but go to work, exercise and sleep. Sam thought to himself, as he followed her back up toward her room.

Sam waited for her to go in. Then he hovered by the door until he heard her get into the shower.

Sam used that time to get back to his own room.

"What the hell am I going to do? I'm running out of time here. The last thing I want is that huge bastard after me." Sam muttered, tossing his jacket across the chair.

Going to the window he watched her move around her room.

"Guess we go to plan B." He said quietly, before dropping the curtain back in place.

Sam sat down with a sigh. Reaching out he picked up the phone.

*Kane*

Getting back to his room, Kane sat down and tried to calm his breathing.

Idiot, you let yourself show weakness in front of another. That is unacceptable, even if he isn't a part of the company. Could he have been sent from someone to check up on me? Is that how the mystery man found out Pete was helping me? Kane thought.

Once he was calmer, Kane got up and stripped for the shower.

He sighed with pleasure, as the hot water cascaded down his body. While his tense muscles warmed and relaxed he leaned forward against the wall.

Now you're being paranoid. You're seeing enemies in everyone. You'd better get it together or you're screwed. Kane told himself.

After finishing, Kane went out and called room service.

Sitting back, he stared at the TV without seeing a thing. Eventually his food arrived.

I can't even do research because I don't have access to any tapes. This is nuts the only connection I have to the job is watching the shows. Kane thought, pissed that he would return unprepared.

*Pete*

As soon as his plane landed, Pete practically ran down the gangway.

No time to wait for my rental. I need to get over there now. Pete thought.

Jeez, don't let me be too late. He thought frantically.

He sat in the back of the cab trying to will it on to greater speed.

Hurry damn it! He could be dying or already dead over there. Pete thought anxiously.

Finally! He thought, running through the lobby.

He never even considered stopping at the desk, as he raced to the elevators.

Reaching the room Pete pounded on the door.

"What?" He heard from inside.

That's not Kane. What's happening here? Pete wondered, turning to leave.

Still confused, Pete headed back down to the desk.

"Excuse me, can you tell me if Kane Bearer has checked out?" Pete asked.

The young woman hit some keys on the computer.

"Yes, he checked out yesterday morning." She said, looking back up at Pete.

"Thanks." He said absently, as he turned away.

He left yesterday Morning? That would mean he left after I told him I was coming out. Why would he do that? Where did he go? Pete wondered, taking a seat on one of the benches.

How can I find him? Pete thought.

Getting up, he headed out the door and began walking.

Did he finally make a decision about what I said that last night? Did he decide he didn't want me as a friend, nor did he believe I wanted his friendship? Pete wondered, getting upset at the thought.

He walked for a while trying to decide what to do.

Even if I do manage to find him, there is no guarantee that he'll even see me. He might get pissed that I hunted him down. Pete thought, getting angry about his stupidity.

I should have stayed and talked to him, made sure he understood. I shouldn't have left with him so upset with me. Hell, he wouldn't even face me when I left. I screwed up. Pete spun on his heel and headed back into the hotel.

I'd finally gotten him to trust me a little bit. But I had to push. I should have known better. He's never really had someone looking out for him besides J.J. He didn't know how to handle it. I'm a jerk for going too far. Pete berated himself, as he borrowed a phone book.

Picking up the phone book, he turned to hotels.

I need to find him. Even if he gets pissed, I have to do it. Pete thought.

Bringing his cell up he dialed the first number and waited for an answer.

J.J.

J.J. turned on the set, getting ready to watch the show.

I don't know why I bother. He isn't there and I won't learn anything. Even if I did I couldn't tell him. She thought, remembering the times they'd spent doing research for his upcoming matches.

"I thought I die that first night when he turned on the match that had hurt him so badly." J.J. thought, as that match began running through her mind again.

He seemed so calm while he watched. As if it didn't bother him to see what they'd done. I was shocked that he didn't react more to it. J.J. thought.

As she thought about Kane, she unconsciously reached for the photo album.

Opening the cover, J.J. once again relived their days together.

After a while she felt her eyes beginning to close.

Looking up, she realized she'd somehow missed the entire program.

Placing the album back on the table, she went into the bedroom.

*** Dreaming***

J.J. smiled, as she walked toward the ring. She felt the comforting weight of her cameras around her neck. The sounds of the screaming crowd even the sounds of the match in the ring. All of this combined made her feel like she was coming home.

Looking up, she watched the end of the match. Then began taking pictures as the combatants left.

Turning J.J. watched the top of the ramp wondering who was next.

The deafening explosion nearly made her jump out of her sneakers.

He's here. Good that must mean he's ok now. J.J. thought.

As he came closer she realized that something was wrong. It took her a minute to spot it.

His shirt? It's the old one with both sleeves and no mesh. Why is he in the old one? I thought that one was ruined. J.J. thought, stepping forward.

She tried to get Kane's attention, to get him to at least look in her direction but he didn't.

It's like I'm not even here? How could he not have seen me? J.J. wondered.

Looking back toward the top of the ramp, she saw X-Pac coming down.

Another match with X-Pac. Hasn't he beaten the snot out of him enough times. J.J. wondered.

She watched Kane in the ring for a minute.

Wait! Damn it I've seen this before. It can't happen again, I won't let it. J.J.'s dream self-thought moving toward the ring to warn Kane.

Again she tried to get the big man's attention, only to remain unnoticed.

The match began and J.J. stood shocked as she watched it unfold before her.

She screamed at Kane to look out, when she saw DX coming from everywhere. But he didn't hear her.

Getting into the ring she tried to keep them back, to help Kane defend himself. But it was useless. She was just ignored as if she wasn't even there.

J.J. tried to push through the crowd to untie him when they trapped him. But she wasn't strong enough to move the taut ropes.

When J.J. saw Hunter pass out the chairs she stood in front of Kane trying to shield him. But it did no good. She could hear the steel impact with Kane's flesh and the hard leather of his mask.

She screamed over and over for them to stop. Pleading with them to end the punishment that they were killing him. They never heard her, and if they did it didn't do any good.

Finally Kane slumped against the ropes. His arms still held between the tightly drawn ropes were now holding up his full body weight.

J.J. turned around and knelt beside him.

"Kane, baby can you hear me. It's going to be ok; the refs will be here soon. You'll be alright I swear it." J.J. said, brushing her hand down his leather covered cheek.

It was then that she saw the blood pouring from the lacerations to his head and heard his unsteady breathing.

"Kane listen to me. Fight I know it's hard but you gotta. If you don't, I'll lose you before I even get the honor of knowing you." J.J. whispered into his ear, hoping that if he couldn't understand the words he'd be comforted by the tone.

She watched in horror as he began to tremble and shake slightly. She watched his body tense and release, as if he were trying to move. But looking at him she realized he was still unconscious.

"He's Seizing… Someone help he's seizing." J.J. screamed, looking around frantically for anyone to help him.

She saw the Refs trying to clear the ring, but feared they were already too late.

She moved out of the way and found herself standing alone again in the barren hallways.

"What the hell was that?" J.J. wondered aloud.

***End Dream***

Opening her eyes, J.J. looked around the room.

Why would I dream about that? Is he in danger again or is it just my overactive imagination and worry that are making me see him in pain? J.J. wondered, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Oh man. I hope he's having an easier time sleeping than I am." J.J. thought, rolling over and picking up the doll off the nightstand.

*Sam*

Hanging up the phone, Sam couldn't help but smile wickedly.

"That's the first part. Now to get myself a little sleep. Then in the morning I need to setup the next step." He thought, still smiling as he climbed into bed.

Waking up the next morning, he glanced over at her room.

"Good she's already gone. I can get this done without worrying about her seeing me." He thought, an evil grin again splitting his face.

Packing his belongings, Sam went across the way to the Red Roof and asked for a room.

He convinced the clerk to let housekeeping show him several rooms. When he'd found one that closely matched J.J.'s he eagerly took it.

After he'd checked in he walked around his new room for a bit.

"This is perfect. Just a few more things to take care of and I'll be all set." He thought.

Picking up his cell again, he gave someone instructions on where to meet. Then hung up quickly.

When he was through, he went out to gather a few of the things he still needed.

*Kane*

After a few minutes he took out a book and began to read. Before long he'd allowed himself to be drawn into the story.

Finally realizing he did no longer really understand what he was reading. Kane put the book down and headed into the bedroom.

He lay staring at the ceiling for a while.

I wonder if Pete knows I've checked out yet? He wondered, feeling guilty for not being able to tell Pete why.

I hope he doesn't get too mad. I wouldn't want to upset him. Kane thought, the familiar feeling of shame making his stomach twist.

It's for the best; I can't and won't endanger his family. I'm not worth the chance that he'd lose so much. Kane thought, trying to quiet his guilty heart.

Rolling over Kane pulled the spare pillow down and wrapped his arm around it.

Tomorrow I call Vince. I need to get back to work. But how will I handle Pete when I get back. Kane wondered as he dozed off.

***Dreaming***

Kane found himself walking into yet another arena. He immediately saw Pete heading in his direction.

I can't let him near me. It's not safe. Kane thought, trying to avoid the trainer.

Pete kept coming, almost jogging when Kane tried to outdistance him.

"Kane wait up. I need to talk to you." Pete yelled.

This should lose him. Kane thought, taking a right and then a quick left.

Everywhere he turned Kane ran into Pete again. It was insane but the guy was everywhere.

Finally Kane found himself trapped in a room with the trainer. There was no way out without hurting Pete.

He looked around for some escape.

Pete stay back. Keep away from me! Kane thought desperately.

He heard Pete's voice but he was too worried about what could happen to hear the words. After a while Pete stopped talking and left.

I have to wait a minute. If I go out right after him someone could see. Kane thought fearfully.

Kane paced the room for nearly ten minutes before finally opening the door.

Looks clear. He thought, before stepping out.

Maybe no one saw him, maybe no one knows. Kane thought, hoping it was true.

Later he ran into Pete again. This time Kane turned and took off as quickly as he could walk.

Suddenly he found himself back in his hotel room. As he walked in he could immediately tell he wasn't alone.

"Don't!" He heard when he reached for the light.

Turning toward the sound Kane strained his eyes to see who had invaded his room. All he could see was a large dark form.

"You were warned, but you didn't listen. Now I will have to prove how serious I am. Maybe then you will obey orders." The voice in the corner said.

No! I tried don't do it! Kane thought fumbling with his amplifier to explain what had happened.

"But which of his loved ones will receive your punishment?" The voice whispered.

When he finally got the box out he brought it to his throat.

Too late, he's gone. Kane thought, seeing that the corner was no longer occupied.

Oh FUCK! What do I do now? If I try to warn Pete I'd have to contact him. That would only make him hurt Pete's family more. But if I do nothing I am letting someone get hurt because of me. I can't let that happen, but I can't make things worse either. SHIT! Kane thought, swinging out wildly.

***End Dream***

Kane woke when he accidentally punched the wall beside his bed.

Realizing what had happened he sighed. Then he rolled over and stared into the dark room. His breath hitched as he felt a sudden surge of loneliness, pain and helplessness wash over him. A moment later he felt the tears beginning to flow.

Idiot, you knew years ago that you could never have things like friendship or love. Why suddenly do you want them so badly? Because you are having dreams. That's idiotic! You will stop this foolishness and get your ass back to work. He told himself.

Throwing back the covers he got up.

*Pete*

It's a relief to know he checked out. If he'd just disappeared I'd really be worried. Pete thought trying to look on the bright side.

"How the hell many damn hotels are there in this fucking town." Pete wondered aloud.

I can't call all of them. He realized looking at the list he still had left.

"I'll try a few more. If I don't find him by then I'll just head back. He's coming back soon, I guess we can talk then." Pete said to himself.

Pete called a few more hotels, but none of them recognized the name or the description.

"Damn it. Maybe he headed to the next town to talked to Vince in person?" Pete thought suddenly.

He probably wouldn't do that thought. If he showed up without Vince's ok he'll only piss him off. Pete thought.

Pete paced his room for an hour trying to find some solution to his dilemma.

"If he's intentionally avoiding me there isn't anything I can do. Once he's back at work I'm sure I can find some way to trap him long enough to talk to him." Pete said trying to reassure himself that everything would work out.

Lying down, Pete finally succumbed to exhaustion caused by two days without sleep.

***Dreaming***

Looking around Pete realized he was on the last street before his home. Suddenly turning to the side he was shocked to see Kane sitting beside him.

He could see how tense Kane was. His whole body rigid and his fists tightly closed. Pete could even see the muscle in his jaw working rapidly, as he clenched and relaxed.

"It's going to be fine Kane. They are going to be so thrilled to finally meet you." Pete said, trying to reassure his passenger.

Pete smiled as he watched Kane try to force himself to relax.

At least he's trying. Pete thought.

"How many." He heard Kane rasp.

"Only immediate family. It'll be me my wife and our three kids." Pete said.

Pete saw him stiffen even more.

I didn't think he could get any stiffer. Pete thought.

"I couldn't feed you and the entire family. So I kept the number low." Pete said laughing.

He saw Kane turn to look at him.

"Jeez, relax I'm kidding. It's my sister's turn to do Thanksgiving this year. I just decided to have it at my house for my family and a friend." Pete said still laughing.

Pulling into the drive Pete looked at Kane again.

He looks ready to bolt the second the car stops. I hope they don't all come running out here. If they do they'll spook him for sure. Pete thought, coming to a stop in front of the house.

Pete watched Kane extricate himself slowly, almost reluctantly from the van.

As they entered a crowd of kids besieged them. Kane backed up in shock only to find Pete standing behind him.

"Kane, I'm so sorry. I asked my kids not to tell anyone you were coming. Apparently they couldn't keep their mouths shut." Pete said, giving his kids a quick look with a raised eyebrow.

"We're sorry dad." Katie said. "But you've never brought home one of the wrestlers before. We COULDN'T help it."

Pete watched Kane cock his head as he turned his gaze on Katie. Then he smiled as Kane began to sign all the scraps of paper that has been thrust toward him.

The kids got louder and louder. Their cries were beginning to ring in Pete's ears.

***End Dream***

Opening his eyes, Pete realized the yelling had been from the next room.

Raising his hand he pounded on the wall for a second.

"I wonder if he'd even accept if I did ask him?" Pete muttered aloud, as he tried to get back to sleep.

*Sam*

"Here you go sweetheart this will make you nice and relaxed. Yeah, that's it relax, it feels good doesn't it." Sam whispered, as he withdrew the needle from her arm.

"She's all yours Dennis. She's ready willing and able for anything. Isn't that right baby." Sam said, smiling as he ran his hand down the front of her body.

Sam started the camera and zoomed in on the doll at bedside. Then he slowly pulled the picture back until the whole bed and part of the room were in view.

This is beautiful. Sam thought as the door opened and the couple entered the bedroom.

Their heated kiss kept her face well hidden. But his roaming hands and her moans left no doubt that she loved every touch.

He zoomed closer as the guy laid her back on the bed and began to quickly shed his shirt. Then he knelt between her legs and began undressing her. All the while he kept kissing touching her.

Damn, I'm going to need a piece of her myself when he's done. She's so hot. Sam thought as he continued filming their sometimes-frantic sexual frenzy.

Finally setting the camera on a tripod he moved to join them.

*Sam/?*

A ringing phone startled Sam from an exhausted sleep. He rolled over reaching for the phone and his hand knocked over the doll.

Smiling he picked up the receiver.

"You have what I want?" A gruff voice demanded as soon as he'd answered.

"Of course. Where should I send it?" Sam answered immediately.

The man gave an address.

"It better be as good as or better than the last set you sent me." The voice said sternly, hanging up before Sam could answer.

Getting up immediately he dressed and grabbed the package he'd packed. Then going to Fed Ex he had his shipped priority overnight.

He should get this tomorrow afternoon at the latest. Sam thought, heading back to his room.

"He'll never know I have a copy of it. But I just had to have it for myself. She was incredible." Sam muttered as he got back to his room.


	16. losing the light Chapter 16

Chapter 16

*J.J.*

Waking up the next morning J.J. could barely move.

"What the hell happened? I feel like I've been hit by a truck." J.J. moaned, as she rolled over.

She slowly got to her feet, but then had to dash into the bathroom to be sick.

Kneeling there beside the toilet J.J. tried in vain to stop herself from vomiting again.

"Enough." she whispered. "I've already thrown up my toenails. There can't possibly be anything left."

Finally she was able to calm her stomach enough to sip some water. Then still feeling extremely weak she practically crawled back to the bed.

Picking up the phone J.J. called Sandy and to let her know she was ill and wouldn't make it in.

Later J.J. ordered some dry toast and some tea. Hoping she'd be able to hold them down.

I haven't felt like this since Chris' engagement party. I was hangover for two days after that night. J.J. thought, remembering how bad she'd felt.

"What the hell is going on? I was fine yesterday." J.J. muttered, as she made her way back to bed.

Curling up J.J. tried to lay still.

She spent the majority of the day in bed. Sometimes sleeping sometimes just laying there staring into space.

Getting up later that night J.J. managed to hold down a little more food. Then she again slipped between the sheets.

*Kane/Deke*

Kane paced for a while. Chastising himself for crying over things he couldn't have and didn't deserve.

Father was right. I am more than hideous; I am worthless and weak. Kane thought, hating his failures.

He wasn't lying when he told me I was a rotten child and that's why I was burned. I deserved the pain then and that hasn't changed. I am still deserving of the way people treat me. I can never be good enough to be liked never mind loved. The sooner I remember this the better off I will be. Kane thought to himself, realizing once again that he was completely alone.

Then with a quick turn he dressed and went down to the gym. He began a rigorous workout routine even more punishing then his usual heavy workout.

He worked himself for hours, stopping only when he felt lightheaded. Then he'd continue the moment he'd gotten his breathing under control.

He was so intent on punishing himself that he never heard the door open.

Damn he's here early. Deke thought when he walked in.

He's really going at it. I wonder how long he's been here. He thought.

Looking around the room he began to see signs of use on all the machines.

He's been here at least a few hours judging by his thoroughly soaked clothing and the empty water bottles around. Deke thought, shaking his head in wonder.

Deke cleared his throat loudly so he wouldn't surprise the big man again. But he didn't get any reaction.

Kane relished the pain. He allowed it to consume him. Using it to begin to rebuild the emotional shields J.J. and Pete had broken down.

When I return all will be as it was before she came. I will be the creature they once feared. I will allow no one to breach my defenses again. There can be nothing but rage. Anything else is pure weakness. That I will not allow ever again. Kane told himself as he built the walls higher and thicker than they had ever been.

If he keeps that up I'll have to call an ambulance. Deke thought, as he began to gather the empty bottles.

Kane was surprised to see movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned to look and saw Deke cleaning up.

What is he doing here so damn early? It's got to be like two in the morning. Kane thought, finishing his set.

Then he sat up facing away from Deke. Kane concentrated on his breathing so he could begin the next set.

"Unless you like company you might want to finish your workout later. The first Aerobics class starts at nine. That's about fifteen minutes from now." Deke said, as he grabbed a towel and began to wipe down the equipment.

It can't be almost nine. I came down here at around midnight. Kane thought, turning to look at the clock over the door.

Shit, guess I've been here longer than I thought. He thought, disappointed that he'd have to stop now.

He looks shocked that it's that late in the day. What the hell time did he get here anyway? Deke wondered watching him.

Kane got up and gathered the mess near him. He nodded to Deke. Tossing the bottles in the trash on his way out. Kane moved quickly across the lobby when he saw a bunch of people heading for the gym.

Walking out of the room Deke headed for the front desk.

"Hey Doug, do you have any idea what time that guy went into the gym?" Deke asked.

"Well I just came on a couple of hours ago. But Ben told me there had been someone in there since just after his shift began." Doug said.

"Any idea if it was the same guy all night?" Deke asked.

"Well Ben said the guy was huge. He said he was shocked that the guy was still in there." Doug replied.

"Thanks." Deke said absently as he headed back into the gym to finish up.

*?*

The large man opened the door and accepted the package from the bellman.

Then he sent the others out of the room.

Sitting down he slipped the tape into the machine.

A smile quickly spread on his face as he watched the scene unfold.

This is better than I thought he'd get. I was expecting only stills. But he got me a video too. He's definitely getting a bonus for this job. He whispered, as he sat back to enjoy the highly erotic scene play out.

This will be perfect. He will be completely destroyed when he sees this. Then my plans will be finished.

He smile widened when he saw Sam join the couple on the bed.

"The only way this could have worked out better is if I'd taken her from him. Him catching her beneath me would have been pure pleasure. I would have made damn sure he found us together. Yes, only that could have been the ultimate conquest." He said to himself with his voice full of malice and hate.

*Pete*

Pete rolled over and threw his arm across his eyes.

Jeez.. this room is way too bright. He thought, trying to block some of the sunlight.

After a few minutes, he realized he was too anxious to lie there.

Getting up, he couldn't help but try a few more hotels.

"I don't have long anyway. I have to be in Santa Fe for the next show." He muttered, while he waited for the phone to be answered.

A little later Pete hung up the phone yet again.

"Nothing. I mean I know Huntsville is big, but Alabama isn't exactly the weirdo capitol. It's not like it's New York or something. There I would expect to have this much trouble. In a place this normal, you'd think he would stick out like a sore thumb." Pete said, as he began to pack his few belongings.

When he got downstairs, he decided to stop and get something to eat.

*J.J.*

"Ohhh shit. I still don't feel right." J.J. muttered, as she lay there debating whether to call out of work again.

"No, there is too much to do before the opening. They need me to be there. Besides if I don't help them get done early. I won't be able to slip out before they get to Silver City." J.J. muttered, as she made herself get up.

Hurrying through her shower, she dressed and headed out.

Walking into the stepping stone, she had to smile.

"What have you guys been loafing or something? You didn't do a damn thing yesterday while I was out." J.J. said laughing.

"We did to." Roger protested. "We hung up that picture and decided whether to color code or alphabetize the liquor."

"Oh man… you two are so bad." J.J. said laughing again.

"So are you feeling better?" Sandy asked.

"Yeah, I have no idea what happened. I woke up feeling like I'd been drinking for a week. But I hadn't had a drop." J.J. said shaking her head.

"Well that sucks." Roger said. "If you're going to have the hangover you could at least have the pleasure of getting drunk."

"My opinion exactly." J.J. laughed again. "So let's get to work. We have a million things to do if we're going to be ready next weekend."

J.J. couldn't help laughing at Sandy's thoroughly thrilled expression.

Together they worked through the day and late into the evening.

"Enough." Roger finally called, collapsing into a chair.

"I agree." J.J. said, wiping her brow.

"But like you said we have so much to do." Sandy said, trying to guilt them into continuing.

"Yes baby, but we have almost a week to get it done." Roger reminded her.

"Oh ok." Sandy sighed.

"Well I'm bushed, I'm going to head back to the hotel." J.J. said getting up.

"Sure, we'll see you tomorrow." Sandy said.

*Sam*

Checking his account one more time, Sam smiled.

"Regular rate and a hefty bonus for getting video and the pictures of her with Kane." He said to himself, as he walked away from the bank.

Going back to his hotel he began packing his gear. With a smile he threw the doll into his suitcase.

"Now maybe the man will send me on something more than shit work." Sam thought, knowing a guy like that always had something going on.

"He knows now that I can get the job done. Maybe he'll set me up with something that will really make me some money." He thought smiling again.

Stepping out into the hallway he was surprised to see J.J. walking down the hall toward him.

He smiled and nodded to her as he passed. Then turned and watched her walk away, enjoying the sway of her hips but wishing her pants were tighter. She is fine… he thought licking his lips.

Then he quickly turned back around, so she wouldn't catch him staring.

*Kane*

Getting back up to his room Kane showered. Then he sat down and tried to decide what he'd say to Vince.

What time should I call him? I certainly don't want to call him in the middle of a meeting or something. They're in Santa Fe next week. Maybe I'll just go there and get a room. Then leave him a message telling him I'm in town and which hotel I'm in. That way he can contact me and tell me when and where I should talk to him. That should probably work. Because I know if I just show up at his room he'll only get pissed. Kane decided.

Once he'd laid the plan out mentally, he got on the phone and began trying to find a room in town for that time frame.

It took nearly an hour, with a few places just hanging up because they thought his speech was a prank.

When he finally had a room, he ordered some breakfast. After finishing he realized that last night's lack of sleep was catching up with him. Moving into the bedroom he lay down and closed his eyes.

No dreams this time. Please just a quiet sleep. He wished silently.

*?*

I'll have to find another way for this tape to come to light. He's got to be getting suspicious of the other tapes he's received. Besides I don't want him to think this came from the same source. He thought, smiling as he rewound it.

He played it again, as he tried to decide how Kane should find out about it.

A knock sounding on the door surprised him. He turned off the tape and pulled it out.

"Come in." He yelled.

The door opened and he saw that it was one of the others.

"Yes you can come back in." He said, still thinking about the tape.

*X-Pac*

I wish I could figure out what the hell is going on. Hunter disappears for secret meetings, throws us out at odd times. He's keeping things from everyone not just me. X-Pac thought, as he paced in the lobby waiting for The Outlaws.

"It's about time." He said, when he saw them approaching.

"Hunter wanted to talk to us." Dogg said sarcastically.

"Yeah, then why didn't he send for me too?" X-Pac asked.

"Because he didn't. That's all the answer you need." Gunn said.

"Fine." X-Pac said quietly. "So we gonna party or what?"

"Oh hell yeah." Dogg said.

Maybe I can get them drunk enough to say something they shouldn't. X-Pac thought hopefully.

*Ron/ Mike*

"So you think she'll keep in touch like she said?" Ron asked.

"She'd better or we'll be paying her a visit." Mike said.

"Speaking of visits, I still think we should try to see Kane. He needs to know the rest of the story about the fire. I don't like that he could believe she'd do something like that." Ron said.

"Neither do I. As a matter of fact I think the next time they come to town we give that a shot. At least in my town we have a better chance of seeing him." Mike said.

"Oh yeah, you can always flash the badge to get us backstage." Ron said laughing.

"Like Chris never did anything like that." Mike said, giving Ron a shove.

"Yeah, but only in private." Ron replied, laughing even harder when Mike turned red.

*Undertaker*

"Edge I have a job for you. I want you to keep an eye on Hunter and his crew. I want to know what they are up to. Especially in regards to my brother's return." He said to the young blonde.

"The rest of you keep your ears open. I want to know if a 'Welcoming Party' has been setup for him. If it has I want to know who will be attending." He said, an evil smile slowly revealing itself.

Without a word they all went to do his bidding.

"What are you planning?" Paul asked, rubbing his hands together.

"My plans are my own and no concern of yours Paul." Undertaker growled.

"But how can I help you fulfill them if I don't know them." Paul whined.

"By doing what I tell you. I grow tired of your constant questioning and interference. Keep testing me and we will find out how much pain you can endure." Undertaker said, getting up and walking away.

*Paul*

"I will find out." Paul whispered to Undertaker's retreating back.

He's been disappearing for hours, even as long as a day with no explanation. He's sent us away suddenly and is always in a good mood when we are allowed to return. What game is he playing now and why is he keeping it from me? Paul thought, growing angrier as he left the locker room.

"You know as well as I do that no secret can be kept for long." Paul muttered softly.

But what do your recent secrets have to do with Kane. Paul wondered.

When they are together they are very strong. If they reconcile and begin to trust one another they won't need me. I can't let that happen. Paul realized as he wandered the halls.

*Kane*

Waking slowly, Kane rolled over and looked at the clock.

Damn I have to get packed if I'm going to make my flight. He thought, making himself move.

Throwing his gear in his two bags, he headed out.

Once at the airport, he checked the flight listings.

Shit, now I have to wait an extra hour. That means I won't get in until late and Vince will probably already have checked into his hotel. Kane thought, when he saw that his 5:30 flight to Santa Fe, New Mexico had been delayed.

He began trying to rearrange his plan with this time change in mind. As he did he began to pace unconsciously.

Vince always gets there a day before with the crew to supervise. So I can still leave the message and probably get to talk to him before the show. Maybe I can even get him to reinstate me for this event. Kane thought, still pacing.

Suddenly he felt something impact off his leg. Snapping his gaze downward. He saw a child of about four sitting on the floor.

He's not crying? Kane thought, surprised to see a look of awe on the boy's face.

Bending down he quickly righted the child, all the while looking for the parents.

Where are they? A kid this age shouldn't be alone in a place this big. Kane thought, when he couldn't see anyone nearby.

Kane took a knee beside the child. Then he began to fish in his carry on bag.

There it is. He thought, as his hand closed around his amplifier.

Kane carefully showed it to the child. Then brought it up to his throat.

"What's your name?" He asked carefully.

"Zeke, what's yours." Zeke asked, reaching out to touch Kane's mask.

"Kane." He replied, trying not to flinch away from the boys seeking hand.

If I move fast he'll start crying. I need to find his parents. Kane decided.

"Where parents." Kane asked.

"Daddy lost." Zeke said calmly.

"We find him." Kane said, not knowing what else to do.

Can't let him wander off again. He needs to get back to his folks. Kane thought, realizing that meant he'd have to hold onto him.

Taking his bags in one hand Kane stood up and reached for the boy's hand.

Looking down, he smiled when he saw Zeke on his tiptoes trying to reach his outstretched hand.

Squatting down, he put his bags on the floor.

"Ride shoulders? Tell me see parents?" Kane asked.

"Really!" Zeke asked obviously thrilled.

With a nod, Kane grasped him around the waist and moved him onto his shoulders. Then holding his legs with one hand, he picked up his bags with the other.

Kane was so worried about keeping the boy balanced. That he never saw his amplifier sitting on the floor.

"Daddy rides me like this all the time. But him not big as you." Zeke said excitedly, as Kane stood up.

Kane turned in a slow circle hoping someone would see Zeke and call out. When no one did, he turned and headed toward the middle of the terminal.

Kane could feel Zeke's small fingers tangle in his hair to hold on. He couldn't help but smile behind his mask for a moment.

Walking slowly, he waited for some sign that Zeke had spotted his parents. He listened hoping to hear someone yelling the boy's name.

Peering into the crowd Kane began to wonder if he'd ever find Zeke's folks. He could feel Zeke resting his chin on the top of his head.

I guess I could get him to the Police or maybe Security. But that might get someone in trouble. I'll look a little longer. It's not like I don't have the time. Kane decided after a moment.

He continued to walk. He never noticed the odd stares from people he passed nor did he immediately realize that Zeke wasn't moving around anymore.

Suddenly, he felt the boy begin to lean to the left. Dropping his bags he reached up with his other hand and got a hold on him. Then carefully brought him down so he could see him.

Well that'll be a big help. Kane thought, when he saw that the boy had fallen asleep.

Cradling the boy against him with one arm he again picked up his bags. Then he started walking some more.

"That's him! That's my son! Stop that man he stole my son." Kane heard a voice yell from his right.

Turning to face that direction, he saw a man and several officers running toward him. Kane dropped his bags and brought his hand up in a warding off gesture. It didn't do any good. The boy was snatched from his arms seconds before three officers grabbed him.

Shit! What am I going to do now? Kane wondered, hoping they'd look in his bag and find his amplifier.


	17. losing the light Chapter 17

Chapter 17

*Kane*

Don't fight, that's what got you in trouble when you were with J.J. Kane thought, trying to relax as they cuffed him and led him roughly through the terminal.

Kane could hear Zeke crying and snuffling.

"Daddy he…" Zeke began once again.

"Sssshh it's ok… he can't hurt you anymore. The police have him now baby, it's alright." The man said, silencing the boy.

Damn it let him talk. He'll tell you I didn't do anything. I was trying to help. Kane thought, beginning to realize how much trouble he was really in, and becoming more concerned as he was pulled into a small hallway.

"Sir come with us, we're going to have to talk to your son. We'll talk to him in another room. I'm sure this guy didn't have time to hurt him." Kane heard an officer say.

I didn't hurt him… I'd never hurt a kid. Kane thought, hating his silence.

I could fix this if I could just talk. Kane thought angrily.

He stiffened unconsciously in the grip of the officers.

"Relax buddy you ain't going anywhere." The officer holding onto Kane's right arm said.

Kane forced himself to relax. Praying they wouldn't try to take off his mask as the one in California had.

Who are you kidding? You know that is exactly what they will do. They'll take it off and then start asking questions. You're screwed! Just stay calm and deal with it. Kane told himself. If you fight them or lose it you'll end up in a cage. That can't happen.

Kane was brought into a small room that held only a table. Then they lay him over the table and searched him thoroughly. Looking around he saw that one wall was made of a giant mirror.

Don't they realize that doesn't fool anyone? I've spent my life locked away and even I know they are watching. Kane thought, trying to keep calm as the two officers left him alone.

They could have at least taken the cuffs off. Kane griped mentally, as he took a seat and tried to find a comfortable position for his hands.

As time crept by Kane stared into space. Waiting for them to come in so he could explain what had happened. But still no one came.

Stay calm the room isn't that small. Put your mind on something else, not here, not now. Kane thought, trying anything to keep himself from freaking out.

He still felt the walls closing in and the familiar helpless feeling creeping into his soul.

Just sit still. If you pace they are going to see how upset you are. Kane thought.

No, I can't let myself lose control. I must control myself. Kane told himself over and over.

*Captain Rich*

That guy is huge. Better have them leave the cuffs. He'd be hell to subdue if we needed to. He thought, giving silent signals to the officers as they brought the giant past him.

"He give you any trouble when you found him?" Rich asked, as the two officers joined him in the observation room.

"No, as soon as he saw us he dropped his bags and brought his hand up." The first officer said.

"Only one hand?" Rich asked sounding confused.

"Yeah the kid was asleep in the other." He replied.

"You guys can go back out and do your reports. I'll call you if I need you." Rich told them, never taking his eyes off Kane.

If you hurt the kid why was he asleep in your arms? But if you didn't do anything why are you so tense? You are a major contradiction big guy. Would you answer the questions if I asked or would you try to lie? Rich thought, watching as Kane's breathing became faster and his hair began to dampen with sweat.

Standing behind the glass, he continued to watch the large man trying to read him.

I'm not getting anything from watching him. I'll have to question him directly. Ross decided.

Opening up the door, he motioned for another officer.

"Stand in the observation room. If something happens hit the alarm. Otherwise don't do anything." Rich said, looking at the officer. "Matter of fact if I say 'Don't make me get help' then hit the button. Understand."

The officer nodded and went into the room to watch the interrogation.

*Kane/Rich*

Kane brought his head up and looked over when the door opened.

Who is this? I didn't see him earlier. Kane thought, still trying to fight the overwhelming feeling of anxiety that coursed through him.

"I'm Captain Earl Rich. I'm in charge of the Airport Police." He said, taking a seat.

They sent the Captain in to talk to me? Kane thought confused.

"You seem ill. Do you need some kind of medication? Is it in your bags?" Rich asked.

I'm not sick, but I need him to go through my bags so he'll find the amplifier. Kane thought, trying to think of some way to get that message across.

Looking at the officer he shook his head no once, and then again for the first of the two questions. Then he nodded Yes for the third.

"You're not ill. You don't need medication but it is in the bag." Rich said. "That doesn't make any sense."

Is there something else that's making act like this? Rich wondered, trying to connect the behaviors with another cause.

Shit, he didn't understand. How am I going to make him see what I need? I can't stay here like this much longer. He thought, knowing it would be easier to handle if they'd at least remove the cuffs.

Kane closed his eyes and took another deep breath trying to calm his breathing. It didn't work. He could feel himself losing control a second at a time.

"Ok, if you're not sick. Why don't you start by telling me your name." Rich said, never taking his eyes off Kane.

Why doesn't he answer? It's a simple enough question if he has nothing to hide. Rich wondered, watching Kane's eyes. That's not anger, it's not even really fear. It looks more like anxiety and frustration.

"Ok, then if you won't tell me who you are, let's get a look at you." He said, getting to his feet and walking toward Kane.

No, don't! Stay back I DON'T want you to see me. Kane thought desperately.

Kane automatically stood and backed away.

"Relax big man. Sit back down and let me get a look at you. No one is out to hurt you. We just want to find out who you are and what happened." Rich said, surprised by the wild look in the giant's eyes.

Please don't force this. Release my hands, I'll write my answers. Get my amplifier from my bag, I'll tell you what happened. There is no need to see my face. Kane thought, the anxiety getting the better of him.

"Sit DOWN!" Rich said sternly. "I don't want you to do something you'll regret."

I already have. I should have walked away and let some else deal with the kid. If I had this wouldn't be happening. Kane thought, his eyes darting around the room briefly.

This wouldn't be happening if Father or Mark was here. If I wasn't alone this would already have been taken care of. Kane thought, realizing his vulnerability.

"Let's do this the easy way." Rich whispered, taking another step forward.

Kane caught a glimpse of the mirror again.

They're back there, probably waiting to burst in here. If they do come in they'll be way too many of them to fight especially cuffed. I'll lose and it'll only make things worse. Kane realized sadly, as the cold helpless feeling gripped his heart.

He's going to do it? Rich thought, when he saw Kane's eyes go dead and his head slump forward.

Reaching out the Captain took hold of his arm and led him back to the chair.

Damn he went from wild and desperate for escape to completely meek and despondent in a heartbeat. What is wrong with this guy? Is he deficient in some way? Rich wondered to himself.

Kane allowed the officer to guide him forward and then he sat down loosely. His head hung nearly down to his chest as the officer removed his mask.

Kane didn't move while he waited to see what would happen next. He felt the other person moving. Then saw him take a seat through the curtain of his hair.

"Look at me please." He said.

Kane moved, slowly raising his head a little. But still hiding behind his hair. He realized he'd been seated with his back to the mirror.

Why would he do that? Kane wondered, unable to meet the other man's eyes.

*Pete*

If I were Kane I'd take the 5:30 to Santa Fe, and try and get to Vince before the event. Pete thought, looking around the terminal for Kane.

"Flight's delayed, that will give me a little longer to spot him before I have to board." Pete muttered.

Then again getting to him trapped on an airplane wouldn't be a bad idea. He'd have to deal with me then. He thought smiling.

Pete wandered around looking for someone who towered over the crowd. He didn't see anyone.

"The 5:30 flight to Santa Fe, New Mexico is now boarding." Pete heard over the speakers.

Guess I'll see him on the plane, if he's booked on this one. If not, I'm sure I'll see him soon enough. Pete thought.

He boarded the plane and asked the attendant to let him know if Kane was on board or came on board. He gave her the description and she was sure she'd spot someone who looked like that.

A few minutes into the flight, the young woman came up and let Pete know that there was no one fitting that description on the plane.

See you in Santa Fe. Pete thought, settling back into his seat.

*J.J.*

Getting to the hotel, J.J. decided on a quick change and then down to the gym. As she approached her room, she saw a man going in the other direction.

I know that face… but from where? J.J. wondered, surprised when he nodded as he passed.

Where could I have met him? Why can't I figure it out? J.J. thought, getting frustrated.

Once in her room, she changed and headed back out.

As she entered the gym, J.J. couldn't help but smile.

It looks so much like the gym where I first saw Kane. J.J. thought, looking around at the setup and the colors.

Moving to the first machine, J.J. began her workout. She moved through the machines quickly, but did her usual intense workout. Then still wanting to stay close to the good memory, she went to the treadmill and began to run.

As she ran, the guy from the hallway entered her mind.

Who is that and why do I feel the need to find out? The way he leered at me just felt odd. J.J. thought.

She'd been running for about an hour, when suddenly she knew.

I saw him for the first about a week ago outside the hotel. Come to think of it I saw him near the stepping stone and in the lobby too. He always seemed to be watching me. I'd better see if I can get his name. It just seems too coincidental that he'd be in both places at the same time I was. Especially since he was at the bar when it was closed. J.J. thought, feeling like it was intentional.

That's just the cop popping up in you. It's probably completely innocent and you are going to make a big deal of it. J.J. told herself, as she unconsciously increased her pace.

Finally feeling tired; J.J. completed a cool down and left the gym. Then she went to the desk.

"Hi, I was wondering if I could get some information about someone staying here?" J.J. said, once she had the clerk's attention.

"I don't know, it's against policy." The young man said, shaking his head.

"Oh, the reason I asked is because I think he's been following me. I've seen him at several odd locations when I was there. I'm concerned that if he is following me I won't be able to prove it without a name at least for the police." J.J. said with a sigh, putting on her best helpless look.

"Let me speak to the manager. I'm sure if it's possible, he'll give you what you need." The man said, picking up the phone.

A few minutes later an older gentleman walked into the lobby and approached her.

After telling him the same tale, J.J. was asked to wait. Within twenty minutes she had everything she could need to prove he was there.

"Thank you so much. You were a great help and this could really help me if I need to call the police." J.J. said, sounding as sincere as possible.

Going back up into her room. J.J. looked at the name the manager had written down.

"Anthony Hopkins? These guys must be idiots." J.J. thought, realizing immediately that the man had used a fake name.

But at least they gave me a picture of him too and a copy of his handwriting. That could be invaluable if I really am being stalked. J.J. thought

But the fake name makes me wonder a little more what he's up to? J.J. thought, putting the information away just in case.

*Captain Rich/Kane*

"I need to see your face." Rich said, trying to peer through the curtain of hair that still hid it.

What does it matter now. If I refuse he'll just make me somehow. Kane thought, throwing his head back to get it out of the way.

Holy shit! No wonder he keeps the mask on. Those are some pretty serious burn scars. Rich thought.

There it is… that look. He's disgusted like everyone who sees me. Kane thought.

Everyone but J.J. A small part of his mind reminded him.

Don't let his condition affect the way you deal with him. You can't prejudge him either because he looks bad or because you feel pity for what he's obviously been through. Rich thought.

"Now let's start again. Who are you?" Rich said, trying to keep the sympathy he felt for his charge from his voice.

I wish I could tell you. Kane thought, opening and closing his mouth.

He was going to answer then stopped. Is he protecting someone? Who the hell could threaten this guy effectively? Rich wondered.

Shaking his head, Kane once again let his hair fall forward. As he looked down at the table.

This is never going to work if they won't let me write or use that damn box. Kane thought.

You still keep contradicting yourself. You look like you want to cooperate but then you don't. Rich thought.

"I'll be back in a few minutes." Rich said as he got up.

Put the mask back on. You've seen it why does it need to stay off. Kane thought, hoping he'd do it.

The captain walked to the door then stopped.

He's probably uncomfortable as hell now that I've uncovered his face. Especially with how strongly he reacted to my wanting to remove it. He thought.

"I'd cover your face again. But I don't know how to get that mask back on. No one else will come in here." He said, hoping to keep the big man calm.

Captain Rich

Walking out into the office, he saw that it was pretty much empty again.

He went to the observation room and looked in.

"Keep an eye on him, but don't go in there unless you absolutely have to." The captain said to the waiting officer.

"Can I ask why you sat him facing away from the mirror? Isn't that against Regs.?" He asked.

"It was necessary." Was the Captain's only reply.

Then he shut the door on a still confused officer.

Walking across the room, he knocked on the door of the room the victim was in.

One of the officers came out.

"Anything yet Dennis?" He asked.

"No, we can't get the father to stop interfering. The kid seems scared, but it seems more like he's afraid of what's going on now." He replied.

"If you have to, order the father out of the room and into the observation room." Rich said.

"Yeah, that may be the only way. I have to convince the kid he's not in trouble so he'll calm down." Dennis replied.

The Captain nodded.

"You get anything out of the giant?" Dennis asked.

"Nothing but confusion." Rich said, shaking his head.

As he walked back toward the other room, the Captain heard a commotion at the front desk.

He turned, heading that way instead.

"I know this isn't the lost and found. But this isn't a glove or something; this is an electronic voice box. It's not only an expensive piece of equipment, but it's someone's means of communication. I don't want it just tossed into a box and forgotten." The gentleman said.

"I'm Captain Rich. How can I help you?" He asked, stepping up beside the flustered officer.

"I'm Bruce DeCampe of DeCampe and Marshall." He replied, as if that should mean something.

"I wanted to turn this in. But he wouldn't take it. He says it belongs in the lost and found. I disagree, it's expensive and very important to someone." DeCampe said holding up the amplifier.

"Of course we'll take it sir. I'm sorry for the inconvenience." The Captain replied. "We appreciate that you took the time to turn it in."

Rich took the cylindrical object with a nod. DeCampe turned and left without another word.

"If someone is that insistent on leaving something just take it. We can send it over to lost and found later." He told the young officer.

Then he walked back toward the interrogation room. On the way by he dropped the cylinder on his desk.

"I'm sorry sir. But we can't find out what happened if you refuse to let him talk. You can see and hear everything from in this room." He heard Dennis saying sternly.

Good Dennis, now let's get this thing worked out. He thought, even as he opened the door to his own prisoner.

*Captain Rich/Kane*

He hasn't moved since I left him. He thought, looking at the slumped position Kane was in.

Here we go again. Kane thought, seeing the Captain enter through his damp hair.

"So far we're not getting far with the little boy. It would be in your best interests to talk to us, to tell us what really happened." He said, taking a seat across from Kane.

I know and I would if I could. But since you people have decided to leave these damn cuffs on. I can't do shit. Kane thought, his frustration making him tense for a moment.

They sat quietly for a while. With the Captain never taking his eyes off his charge.

Stop already, staring isn't going to change anything. Kane thought, feeling Rich's eyes boring into him.

Keep it together damn it. Don't lose control. Kane told himself, knowing that he was a breath away from going insane.

He's still breathing too hard and sweating. What is he hiding? If he doesn't want to answer my questions, why hasn't he asked for a lawyer? Rich wondered, becoming more confused by the guy every minute.

A knock on the door broke the tense silence. Opening the door, Rich saw that it was Dennis and went out to talk to him.

"We finally got the kid convinced he's not in trouble. You won't believe what he's saying." Dennis said.

"I'll be right there." Rich said.

Rich came back in and closed it behind his back.

"Just thought you'd like to know. The little boy is talking now. You might want to reconsider your silence by the time I get back." He said to Kane, before leaving again.

*Kane*

Reconsider my silence. I only wish it were voluntary. Kane thought.

Kane shifted, so he could change the position of his nearly numb hands.

This is nuts. I didn't do a damn thing, but that doesn't matter. Zeke could say anything and they'd believe it because of how I look. Who'd believe the monster over the innocent child? Kane thought sadly.

Kane sat quietly, waiting for the worst to happen. He tried to steel himself against more people seeing him.

I have to be ready for them to charge me with the worst thing they can. I won't have a chance when that happens. Kane told himself.

I'll be sent to the prison to wait on my trial. No way they let me wear my mask. Kane thought, as the hopelessness completely took over.

He sagged even lower in his seat, wishing he could melt into the floor.

*Paul*

Paul waited biding his time.

Finally. He thought, when he was left alone in the Ministry suites.

Paul started in Undertaker's room. He worked quickly, knowing that if he were caught here he'd be made very sorry for it. Paul tried to think of anywhere that Undertaker would hide something. He tried to put things back as he had found them once he was through, hoping that his presence would go unnoticed.

Not there, he must be hiding it among the others so that it won't be found. But I'll find it. Paul thought.

He quickly began searching the other rooms. Paul went through each room, looking in baggage, drawers and anywhere else he could think of.

In the end, all he discovered was that some of the members were perverts judging by their reading material.

I wonder if Undertaker knows how his followers spend their spare time. He thought, sure Undertaker would be just as disgusted as he was.

I can't tell him though. He'd wonder how I found out and be angry that I'd been among their things without his orders. Paul thought, upset that nothing would be done to stop their deviant desires.

*J.J./Sandy*

Waking suddenly with the annoying screech of her alarm clock. J.J. rolled over and slammed her hand on the snooze button.

Kane used to laugh at me for doing that. J.J. thought, as soon as she'd done it.

Getting up, she turned it off and went to get a shower.

J.J. couldn't help but smile, as she slipped on the Celtic knot pendant Kane had given her.

I'll never get over the look in his eyes. When I told him that I couldn't let him buy me something so expensive. He looked like a puppy that had just been kicked. Such a pout I never thought I'd see on someone so big. J.J. thought, running her fingers across it for a moment.

"Snap out of it. You have a lot to do if you're going to try and leave before the WWF gets to Silver City. It's bad enough they're in Santa Fe tomorrow." J.J. told herself sternly.

Dressing quickly, she practically ran to the bar.

"Let's go guys. Time's a wasting." J.J. yelled, as she stepped inside.

"Look who's in a hurry today." Sandy called over laughing. "I thought you two had decided we had plenty of time."

"I didn't say that he did. Besides that was yesterday. Today we're running out of time." J.J. said, joining her laughter.

"Well Roger is out today. Getting some liquor for the bar and some things I wanted for the kitchen." Sandy said.

I wonder why she's been in a hurry for the last week. It's like she's suddenly given herself a deadline to get out of town. But I'm not letting her go anywhere until after the party. She earned it as much as we have. Sandy decided.

The two women fell quickly to work. First they painted the walls nearest the one that had been demolished. After cleaning up and having a late lunch. They began working in the main dining room.

They cleaned and polished. Then moved tables around to give the floor a good scrub and a polish.

"Wow!" They heard from the doorway.

Turning toward the kitchen, they saw Roger standing there with a stunned expression on his face.

"See how much we can get done without your constant whining." J.J. said, laughing at his hurt expression.

"Fine, I'll just take the next few days off and you two can do everything." He said jokingly.

"Don't! Please protect me, she's a slave driver. She wouldn't even feed me until we finished painting." Sandy whined, running to her husband and holding on to him for safety.

"BRAT!" J.J. cried.

"Have you been abusing my wife?" Roger said, putting his arm protectively around Sandy.

"Of course. How else would I make sure you guys meet your deadline." J.J. said still laughing.

And how else can I get the hell out of here. J.J. thought.

"Well if that's the case it's still early. Why don't the three of us get the private room in order." Roger said.

"But remember no one gets to abuse my Sandy but me." He added, shaking a finger at J.J.

"Sounds good to me." J.J. said.

"Oh all right." Sandy said as if exhausted.

Together it didn't take them long to get the private room painted and get cleaned up.

"Well, I guess that's as much as we can do today. We can do the floor in there tomorrow Then start putting out all the little touches you guys wanted." J.J. said.

"Sounds good. Why don't you stay for dinner?" Sandy asked.

"Sure that would be great." J.J. replied.

Maybe I can get her loosened up enough to talk to me finally. Sandy thought, hoping she would finally find out what was hurting J.J.

*Undertaker/ Other ministry members*

Walking into his suite, Undertaker could immediately sense that something wasn't right. A quick look around revealed that several of his personal items had been moved and placed back, but not exactly. Then he saw the evidence that his bags and other things had been searched.

Who would have the nerve to enter my room, much less touch my belongings? Undertaker wondered. As if I would leave anything that could be incriminating where it could be found.

He walked his rooms, trying to discover if the intruder had left anything behind. Feeling his anger rise, he burst into the rooms shared by the others.

"Who was in my rooms? If you confess now your punishment will be much less severe than if you make me search you out." He growled menacingly.

Then he carefully watched his assembled Ministry.

They're all looking at each other as if wondering which did it. The guilty one wouldn't do that, because he'd already know. Could it have been someone from the outside? None of them are looking in the least bit guilty. Undertaker thought.

"Edge." Undertaker said, making the young blond jump. "Come with me."

He led Edge into a side room of the shared quarters.

Why does he suspect me? I have never disobeyed him. Edge thought fearfully.

"Well." Undertaker said, knowing he'd confess if he'd done it.

"NO I'd never.." He began.

He's telling the truth. Undertaker thought, watching him very closely.

"What have you found out about Hunter's little club. What are they planning?" He asked, cutting the young man off.

That's it… what a relief. Edge thought.

Undertaker could actually see the blonde sigh in relief; he kept his face impassive.

"Well, all I've managed so far is that the mass attacks from others in the roster will continue. It seems like they are using up some favors and offering payment to the others to take him out." Edge said.

Will that be enough to satisfy him? Edge wondered, still a little worried.

"Is that so? Well it looks like that should be easy enough to handle." Undertaker said thoughtfully, more to himself than to Edge.

He's suddenly interested in protecting Kane. Why? Edge wondered, but knew better than to ask.

"Continue your assignment. Tell your brother to come in next. Say nothing about what occurred here." He said, dismissing Edge.

That will keep him wondering and he'll be sure to get whatever he can to please me. Undertaker thought, watching the boy get up.

"Yes of course." Edge said.

Does he still suspect me? Edge wondered.

"Christian, he wants to talk to you now." Edge said, still shocked by Undertaker's words.

Me.. Why me? Christian thought frantically.

Don't want to keep him waiting he'll be angry. Christian thought, fear already coursing through his veins.

Getting up quickly, he rushed to the door and inside.

"Close the door." Undertaker said.

Christian complied immediately.

"Well.." He asked, as he motioned for Christian to sit.

"Honestly… I would never do anything…" Christian began to say quickly.

He's too weak. He'd never even think of doing it himself. Undertaker thought.

"Quiet." Undertaker snapped, disgusted by his pleading tone.

"Have you heard anything while completing your assignment?" He asked, barely able to look at the much smaller man.

"I've heard a few people say that they had to finish what Hunter had demanded before Kane was sidelined." He said, barely above a whisper.

"Who?" Undertaker demanded.

"Well, Virgil failed as did the barbarians, so they need to try again. Earthquake for some reason thinks he can squash him easily. IRS is trying to find someone else to complete his failed mission." Christian replied slightly louder.

Christian gave a few more names before he was dismissed.

Undertaker questioned each individually, but got no closer to identifying who had invaded his privacy. He did however get a good picture of what awaited Kane when he returned and it didn't look like he'd be back for long.

With that much of the roster out to get him, Kane hasn't got a chance. He'll be hospitalized or at the very least out again very soon. He thought, with a sly smile on his face.

*?*

I know exactly how to make sure Kane finds out about this tape. This will be even better than just sending it to him. It will humiliate him completely. He thought, smiling wickedly.

It's something so good no one would ever suspect a plant. He thought.

They haven't got a clue, even though it's being done right under their noses. It's a good thing they have me to control them or they'd be nothing. He thought, walking into the room and looking at the others.

If I didn't tell them every move to make and when, they would all still be really low on the roster. They'd be getting their asses handed to them on a regular basis. But no I protect them. That's why they're loyal… because they know I own them. He thought.

*X-Pac*

Couldn't get a damn thing out of those Outlaw bastards. They are so tight lipped Hunter must have made it clear that I was not to know. X-Pac thought, aggravated at being left in the dark.

"I'm so sick of this shit. Maybe I'll start spending a little more time alone. Then I don't have to deal with them or their secrets." He muttered angrily.

Calling ahead to the next two stops. He made sure he had his own rental, so he could just take off if he needed some time.

I wonder how much longer Kane will be out. I almost hope he doesn't come back. He'd be safer if he stayed away. Hunter is not going to give up. He wants Kane destroyed for some reason and he never quits until he gets what he wants. He thought staring into space.

*Kane*

What is Zeke saying? Would he lie and say I hurt him? If he does how can I prove I didn't? Kane wondered, getting more and more anxious.

He tried really hard not to show how crazy this was driving him.

J.J. could probably tell exactly what I was thinking now. I wonder if anyone here can read me like she did? He thought, feeling his heart clench for a second as J.J. entered his mind.

He took a deep breath and hoped someone could at least figure out what was happening.

*Captain Rich/Dennis*

"So before we go in there give me a heads up. How bad is this?" Rich asked.

"Pretty bad. We really fucked this up." Dennis said, just before opening the door.

Rich gave him a quizzical glance, but there was no time to ask what he meant.

"Zeke, this is my boss his name is Earl." Dennis said, pointing to Captain Rich.

"Hi, I'm really glad to meet you Zeke. Guess you've had an exciting day." He said, shaking the boy's hand and taking a seat.

"Zeke can you tell him what you told me?" Dennis asked.

Zeke looked at Rich for a moment, as if trying to decide.

"Ok guess so." He said, shrugging his shoulders.

Rich sat quietly waiting.

Come on kid, I need to know what's happening. Rich thought, trying not to show his impatience.

"You got lost… then what happened?" Dennis asked, trying to give the boy a starting point.

"I didn't get lost daddy did." He said indignantly.

"Ok, so after daddy got lost what did you do?" Rich asked, smiling reassuringly at the child.

"I tried to find him. I ran but didn't see him." Zeke said, shrugging again.

"Then?" Dennis prompted.

"Den I ran into somebody and felled down." He said, looking down at the pad in front of him and doodling.

"Was it your daddy?" Rich asked.

"Nope it was a wealy big man. First I was scared. He bended down and gots me up." Zeke said.

"Were you still scared?" Rich asked.

"A little, den I saw da mask." Zeke said. "It was cool."

"You thought it was cool." Rich said, wondering if he would have at that age.

"Did he say anything?" Dennis asked, not realizing that Rich had not even gotten a word out of him.

"Ah huh." He replied.

He spoke to him? Why won't he talk to me? Rich wondered.

"Him had a funny voice." Zeke volunteered.

"What was funny about it?" Rich asked.

"Him had a thing." Zeke said.

"What kind of thing?" Rich asked, becoming worried.

"Kinda… well." Zeke said.

Then he picked up a crayon and put it to his neck.

"Like dis." He said, making his little voice gruff.

Oh shit! He hasn't been talking to me because he can't. Rich said, suddenly realizing why the guy had looked frustrated.

"Zeke this is very important. Did he hurt you or touch you anyplace funny? Were you ever all alone with him?" Rich asked.

"He ridded me on his shoulders so we could see daddy. But I didn't." He said.

"Was that all? He was helping you find your daddy." Rich asked.

"Yeah den got grabbed and got scared. Dey was hurting him but him was nice." Zeke said, beginning to cry.

Well this is going to be bad. Rich said.

"Thanks Zeke, you were a really big help." Rich said, looking at Dennis.

How am I going to do this? There is still a chance the kid is wrong. But I doubt it. It's more likely that we screwed up. Rich thought, already trying to plan his next move.

"I have one more question Zeke, did he tell you his name?" Rich asked, as he was getting up

"Ah huh but I don't member." He said, still snuffling.

"That's ok." Rich said smiling.

"I'll let you know. But why don't we get him and his dad a snack." Rich said, smiling at Dennis.


	18. losing the light Chapter 18

Chapter 18

*J.J./Sandy/Roger*

"Come on Sandy… I swear I'm not that bad in the kitchen." J.J. said, when Sandy shooed her away from the preparations yet again.

"Give it up J.J., she doesn't let anyone help her in the kitchen. That's why we haven't even tried to hire a cook or any help for in here." Roger said, laughing when Sandy threw a dishtowel at him.

"Are you serious?" J.J. asked.

"Yeah, so why don't you come on over here and have a drink. We'll stay out of range and keep her company." Roger said, waving J.J. over.

"Go ahead J.J., have a seat and relax. I'm not doing anything fancy, so it won't take long." Sandy said.

Roger made her a drink and handed it to her. They chatted while watching Sandy work through the window into the kitchen.

J.J. was so busy talking to Sandy and about the party she was planning, that she never noticed Roger refilling her glass.

By the time dinner was done, J.J. was feeling pretty good. She sat back in her chair and just laughed at Roger's usual antics.

They had a couple more drinks and then suddenly Roger was gone.

"Did you send him out?" J.J. wondered.

"No, he always disappears when there are dishes to be done." Sandy said.

She's up to something. Part of J.J.'s mind said.

"That's ok I'll help." J.J. said, getting to her feet.

Good Sandy thought. The plan is working so far. She's feeling good and we're alone.

As they washed dishes, Sandy intentionally didn't mention J.J.'s personal life at all.

"Do you believe in fate?" J.J. asked, as they took a seat at the table.

"Depends on what you mean. If you mean it was fate that he die in an accident, then no." Sandy said.

"No, I mean more along the lines of fated to meet someone. That you are linked by fate to 'one' other person." J.J. said.

"Not really, I'm more of a believer that if you want something badly enough you can have it." Sandy said.

"Not this time." J.J. muttered, thinking of Kane.

"What do you mean?" Sandy asked, without pushing.

"I met him, I had him in my life. But I blew it, and I can't stop thinking about him." J.J. sighed, taking another drink. "He was absolutely the sweetest, most gentle and loving person I've ever met."

"What happened?" Sandy asked.

"I screwed up. I didn't tell him something about my past. I didn't think it would matter. Or maybe I was too scared to tell him because I was sure he'd hate me. He did." J.J. said, wiping her eye.

If it had been anything but fire, I don't think it would have been as bad. J.J. thought.

"You loved him and he loved you too?" Sandy asked.

"I loved him. I don't know if he loved me… he never said." J.J. said, unconsciously playing with the pendant around her neck.

But I have to believe he tried to show it… but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he didn't really. J.J. thought.

"Did he give you that?" She asked, indicating the pendant.

"Yes." J.J. sighed, the memory instantly on her mind making her smile.

"From the look on your face it must be some memory." Sandy said, smiling at the look of love on J.J.'s face.

J.J. told Sandy about that day and the look in his eyes when she'd tried to refuse the gift.

I have to get her to give me a name, or at least enough to find him. He needs to know how much she still loves him. Sandy thought.

"He sounds wonderful. How did you meet him? I want details." Sandy said, giggling like a young girl.

"Well, I kinda lied to you and Roger. I did have a job after LA and before here." J.J. said sheepishly.

"Oh, that's ok. I leave some references off my resume too." Sandy laughed; trying to keep J.J. relaxed.

"Well, I met him there. A lot of the people he works with are jerks and he's treated pretty badly, but he stays anyway." J.J. said.

"Oh." Sandy said, sounding confused.

"The first time I saw him in person, I almost believed what I'd heard about him. But then when he thought no one was looking, he changed." J.J. said.

"I'm not sure I understand." Sandy said.

"He puts up this act of indifference like he needs no one. But I saw different. His body language was so clear." J.J. said. "I could always read him like a book."

"How did he feel about that?" Sandy asked.

"I don't think he believed it at first. Then he actually seemed to like that I could do it." J.J. said.

"I think it actually made things easier for him because he has trouble speaking." J.J. said, looking upset again.

"So what happened then." Sandy asked.

"We became friends, then more." J.J. said, her eyes filling with tears.

"I kept something from him that I shouldn't have. When he found out he couldn't stand the sight of me. I tried to fix it but he… oh what does it matter now. I don't blame him, it was all me." J.J. sighed.

He'd been screwed so many times. I should have made sure that I didn't join their ranks. But I didn't, and I became just someone else who hurt him. J.J. thought.

"It matters J.J., it matters." Sandy said.

"No it doesn't, not anymore. I ruined the best thing in my life." J.J. said, getting to her feet suddenly.

I have to get out of here. J.J. thought.

"Where are you going?" Sandy asked.

"Back to the hotel. I need to get some sleep." J.J. said, turning to go.

"No, let me call you a cab." Sandy said.

"Naah, it's only a couple of blocks. I'll get back fine." J.J. said.

"Roger!" Sandy yelled.

"Yes dear." J.J. heard from the other room.

"Can you take J.J. to the hotel. I don't think she should walk." Sandy said.

"Sure." Roger replied, already coming into the kitchen.

Something's not right about this. J.J.'s clouded brain told her.

Roger brought her back to the hotel and up to her room. Once she was safely inside, he went back to the Bar.

*Captain Rich/Kane*

Leaving the room, he walked quickly to his desk and picked up the amplifier. He dropped it into his pocket, before going to the interrogation room.

How do I handle this? If the boy is telling the truth then we really screwed this up. Rich thought.

Opening the door, he walked toward Kane.

He's not moving at all. Rich thought surprised that he didn't even look up.

"I'm back." He said, wondering if he'd somehow fallen asleep.

Still Kane didn't move.

Stay calm. No matter what he says, no matter what they charge you with. Kane told himself repeatedly.

"The little boy told us what happened. Now I'd like to hear your side of things." Rich said.

I'd love to tell you, but it's a little difficult in this position. Kane thought, trying to use sarcasm to keep calm.

Walking toward him, Rich watched for any movement. Then he moved behind the big man.

"Relax your hands a bit and we'll get these off." The captain said, leaning Kane forward a bit.

It's about damn time. Kane thought.

Once he was free, Kane reached for the mask, expecting to be stopped.

What's going on? Kane wondered, as he picked up the mask and started to don it.

I don't want to make him uncomfortable again. Rich thought, as he carefully kept his back or side toward Kane while he put the mask on.

Once he was sure the mask was secure, Rich moved to take a seat across from the big man.

"I'm sorry I should have asked this before. Are you able to talk?" Rich asked sheepishly.

Even if I had the damn box, I wouldn't be able to speak right now. Kane thought, knowing how being upset made it difficult even before the throat injury.

Only J.J. would have the patience to deal with me right now. Kane found himself thinking.

Kane nodded, but then pointed to the pad in front of the Captain.

"Could we start with your name?" Rich asked, as he passed Kane the pad and pen.

*Kane*

Can talk with amplifier hard. Kane wrote.

"Is this your amplifier?" Rich asked, pulling it from his pocket.

Yes, has he had it all this time and just didn't give it to me? Kane thought, not realizing his anger was clearly revealed in his eyes.

"It was turned in about a half an hour ago. Until the last few minutes it didn't even occur to me that you couldn't answer my questions. I thought you were refusing." Rich said, sounding apologetic.

Why leave cuffs could have told you. Kane wrote, his anger clear in the way that he wrote.

"Because you are a very big man. It was my call. I didn't want to have anyone hurt subduing you if it was necessary. Understand when it comes to safety, we error on the side of caution." Rich said.

I suppose that's somewhat understandable. Kane thought, still not happy with the way it was handled.

Kane nodded, then began writing.

Didn't hurt Zeke. Lost helping. Kane wrote.

"That's what he said. We have to check everything when it comes to kids." Rich said.

Of course… and if I had been normal it still would have happened this way. Kane thought angrily.

Leave now missed flight. Kane said.

"We'll take care of that. I hope you understand how this all happened." Rich said.

"Look like freak… must be disgusting hurt kids." Kane ground out painfully, his eyes shooting daggers at the Captain.

That sounded like it hurt. Rich thought listening to the harsh sound of Kane's voice.

"That's not it…" Rich started to respond, but a knock on the door interrupted him.

Opening the door, Rich was surprised to see Dennis standing outside.

"It's all set Dennis. We're going to get Kane set up on another flight." Rich said.

"Ok, I'll start getting these two setup." Dennis said.

"Why don't you come take a seat out here and we'll get you on the next flight out." Rich said.

Kane stared at him for a moment.

Yeah and that's going to fix everything. My time frame is completely blown thanks to this shit. Kane thought angrily.

He got up and walked out fully intending to walk completely out of the office.

I won't have a chance of getting out of here tonight if I don't let them deal with it. Kane realized, becoming even angrier because he couldn't just leave.

"You were headed to Santa Fe right?" Rich asked, looking over his shoulder.

He's still understandably pissed. He'd have every right to hire a lawyer and give us some serious grief. Rich thought.

Just then the room on the other side opened.

"Zeke come back here!" Kane heard, seconds before he saw a blur headed for him.

The little blur stopped dead at his feet, and began tugging on his pant leg.

Looking around for a moment, he shrugged and took a knee.

"Tank you… sorry got you in troble." Zeke said, looking at Kane earnestly.

Bringing the box to his throat, Kane took a deep breath.

"Ok, no let daddy get lost again." He said with great difficulty.

"I won't, I watch him good now." Zeke said seriously.

Even after all this he's still nice to the kid. Dennis thought. Talking must be a bitch if he always sounds like that.

Kane nodded, then he stood back up.

"I'm really sorry. I was just totally insane when I couldn't find him. I've heard so many horror stories, I was terrified." The father babbled, reaching out to shake Kane's hand.

Kane looked at it, but didn't reach out to take it.

Instead he looked pointedly at Rich.

"I've already got the clerk working on it. We'll get you out of here as soon as possible." He said.

Nodding, Kane pointed to the front of the office.

"Yeah, we'll bring you the information." Rich said, easily able to feel the anger radiating from his large frame.

Turning back to Zeke's dad Rich shrugged.

"He's pretty pissed and I can't blame him." Rich said.

"Hey Zeke, why don't you come over here with me and let your Father talk to my boss." Dennis said.

"I don't know why. What else should I have thought? When I saw him walking around with my baby." He said.

"I tried to explain that to him. He said, 'Look like freak… must be disgusting hurt kids'. He does have a point." Rich said.

"That doesn't make any sense. I would have acted exactly the same way to anyone." He replied, but not very convincingly.

Rich just nodded.

Once Rich had gotten all three of them setup, he had a couple of officers escort them to the appropriate desks to be sure everything was all right.

"Do you think he was right? If he'd been normal looking would we have treated him the same?" Dennis asked, taking a seat at the Captain's desk.

"I don't know. If he was the same size, I think I'd have still left the cuffs on. But would we have grabbed him and dragged him down here… who knows to many ifs. If he'd been able to talk, it probably would have ended on the floor. He would have been able to explain it to us immediately. If the father hadn't been so freaked out, they might have given him more time before cuffing him to begin with." Rich replied.

"I guess you're right. If we second guess every decision we'd never get anywhere would we." Dennis sighed.

*Kane*

Ok, I've been released. Why do I need cops to walk me to my plane? Are they scared I'll do something if they don't? Kane wondered, feeling the stares and getting angrier.

He looked over and saw that Zeke and his father were being brought to another airline.

At least I won't get stuck on the same plane with them. Kane thought, with some relief.

As they approached the desk, Kane was surprised when several young men recognized him. He signed the autographs, even though he wasn't in the mood to deal with it.

I'd love to be there when they tell the Captain about this. Kane thought, seeing the officer's faces.

Kane took his new ticket and awaited the 9:30 flight to Santa Fe.

How am I going to work this out now? By the time I get there it will be really late and I won't be able to get in contact with Vince until tomorrow. He'll be so busy because it's a show day. He won't even deal with me. Maybe I should just go ahead to Silver City. Kane thought, as he took a seat.

Getting up, he headed to the bank of pay phones.

Have to make sure they don't give my room away. Kane thought. That's all I need after the day I've had.

He had to call twice before they took him seriously. Then they let him know that his room would be held for him.

Going back to his seat, Kane tried to relax.

Have more than an hour to wait in this fucking place before I can put it all behind me. Kane thought, sure that someone was watching him.

*Airport Police Office*

"Captain you are not going to believe this. While we were walking the big guy to his boarding area, he had to stop to sign autographs." One of the officers said.

"What?" Rich asked sounding very surprised.

"Seems this Kane guy is a wrestler and a famous one from the comments we heard." He said.

"Oh man. My son is going to kill me." Dennis said.

"Why?" Rich asked laughing.

"Because he watches that stuff all the time. I bet he'd have recognized the guy and saved us a lot of trouble." He said, laughing and shaking his head.

Rich threw his head back and just started laughing harder.

This will definitely be a day to remember. Rich thought sarcastically.

*Sandy/Roger*

"So what did you get out of her?" Roger asked, walking back into the bar.

"What do you care? You didn't want anything to do with this." Sandy said, trying not to laugh.

"Well, you made me part of the plan, so I'd like to know if it worked." Roger replied.

"Ok, I know for sure now it's a guy. Apparently she really loved him and she's convinced it's her fault they aren't together. She loves him desperately." Sandy said.

"I think you knew that much before." Roger said, sounding confused.

"I suspected. But now well it's different. She told me a story or two about him. You should have seen her. The love and loss in her eyes was so sad." Sandy said.

"You aren't going to call this guy and get involved are you?" Roger said, fearing she was going to start trouble.

"Can't even though I'd love to. She never told me his name. "It was odd like she can't even say it." Sandy said.

I do have one clue. Whoever he is he can't speak well. Sandy thought, deciding not to tell Roger.

"That's an odd thing to say. You don't know anything about her really or what is going on in her head." Roger said.

"No, but she's obviously hurting." Sandy said softly.

"Well other than being there for her. You can't do anything about that. Sandy I really don't think you should pry these things out of her. You could be hurting her more than helping." Roger said, wrapping his arms around her. "I know you don't want to do that."

"You're right I suppose. But she's so…" Sandy said, her voice trailing off.

"She's a grown up. If she wanted to tell you all about it she would." Roger said. "Now she'll be here bright and early we need to get some sleep."

With a nod Sandy turned to head upstairs.

*J.J.*

Crawling into bed, J.J. didn't even bother to get changed only kicking off her shoes.

Almost immediately the last of her resolve melted and she began sobbing.

I thought that I was done crying over this. I can't change it. I have to just push on and get my life in order. But I can't, I want to see him so much. I can't stand the thought that he hates me. J.J. thought, crying even harder.

The memories of their relationship flashed in her mind. Good times together and even their few fights.

Without knowing it she fell into a fitful sleep.

*Hunter*

"Well is everything all set?" Hunter asked Chyna.

"Completely, he's going to be sorry the second he gets reinstated." She said smiling.

"Great! Now all we have to do is wait for that idiot to come back." He laughed.

"Maybe he'll have grown a brain and stay away." Billy said, joining in the laughter.

"Not a chance." Jessie replied. "They don't call him the big red retard for nothing."

"No they don't." Hunter added.

"Is your part ready." He asked, turning to the Outlaws.

"Without a doubt. Once he steps into that ring he's ours." Billy said, an evil gleam in his eyes.

"Beautiful, I knew the plans would work. Now we wait to welcome him back properly." Hunter said, beginning to laugh again.

*Edge/Undertaker*

Oh man, Undertaker is not going to like this a bit. Or will he. Just once I'd like to know what that man is thinking. Is he planning on protecting Kane or helping Hunter destroy him? For that matter is he going to stop Hunter just so he can take Kane out himself? Edge wondered, as he slipped back out of Hunter's hotel room and went to report.

Approaching the door, he could hear Undertaker talking to someone.

I'll have to wait until he's done. He'll be pissed if I interrupt him. Edge thought, standing outside the door.

He's talking to Paul and he doesn't sound happy. Edge realized a second before the door flew open and the portly man rushed out.

Stepping back, Edge pretended he'd just arrived at the doorway.

"What are you doing here?" Paul snapped.

"I've just come to report to Undertaker." Edge said, trying not to show his dislike of the fat man.

"Have you been listening?" Edge heard from the doorway.

"No sir. I just got here and he almost walked right into me." Edge said, still looking at Paul so Undertaker couldn't see his eyes.

"Good, enter." Undertaker said.

Edge walked in and waited. Then he told Undertaker all that he'd heard while eavesdropping on Hunter's faction.

"You are very good at this. Keep it up and add listening to anything about Kane to your duties. I want specifics." Undertaker said, dismissing the blonde.

He's too good at this. I'll have to watch him and make sure he isn't listening in on my business. Undertaker thought.

He watched Edge walk away and wondered if he should set someone to watch him.

No, that would make him unable to do as I'd ordered. When this is done maybe it would be best. He decided.

Shit, he's still watching me. Have I done something wrong? Did I find out too much? Edge wondered, hoping he hadn't just made Undertaker's list.

*X-Pac/Hunter/DX*

Every day I regret choosing DX over Kane a little more. They have no idea what morals are. I can't believe the shit they are planning for him when he comes back. Hunter may think he's keeping it secret. But I've heard the talk and the plans the others are making. I can only imagine what DX themselves are planning if their 'conscripts' are saying what they are. X-Pac thought as he watched his 'friends' pretend nothing was going on.

"So any idea what the matches are for tomorrow." X-Pac asked.

"They're all set but they could change if certain things happen." Hunter said snidely.

"So who do I face? That is assuming he doesn't come back and change your plans." X-Pac said, wanting Hunter to know he knew about the 'welcoming party'.

This little shit thinks he's going to put one over on me. No one does that; especially not some half crippled little freak lover. Hunter thought. I'll shut him down now before he builds himself up to believing he can make it on his own.

"What makes you think that retard has anything to do with how things run tomorrow?" Hunter demanded.

"Because I've seen how much you want him gone." X-Pac said.

"You don't agree. Maybe you should reconsider your position with us then. Perhaps you would rather be alone at the bottom of the heap and getting your ass kicked constantly." Hunter said.

I should say yes and walk out of here. But he's right, after all that I've done while with DX, I've made a lot of enemies. I'll end up eating dirt until someone realizes how bad my neck really is and paralyses me. I wouldn't put it past Hunter to let it slip to someone 'accidentally'. He'd love to watch it happen. X-Pac realized, but hated it his decision.

"No, I'm not going anywhere." X-Pac said, trying not to show how sick his words made him.

"I didn't think so. You've always been weak… You'll do as I say, no matter how much you dislike it." Hunter laughed.

I can't deal with that self-satisfied smirk on his face. He'll go too far one day and I'll do more than walk away, a lot more. X-Pac thought.

Unable to stand the sight of Hunter, X-Pac got up and walked into the other room.

"He's getting out of hand." Chyna said.

"I'll deal with him. Or are you questioning me too?" Hunter growled.

"Hell no. I just didn't think he had the balls to even speak up like that." Chyna said.

"Why don't you guys go find something to do? I want some time alone with my bodyguard." Hunter said smiling wickedly.

"Sure Hunter, if you need your body guarded we're gone." Bill said laughing.

"Yeah, I can hear the bar calling my name. Come on Tori." Jessie said, when the blonde didn't move.

"I know you didn't send them away for a little fun. What are you thinking." Chyna asked.

"You're right about him speaking out like that. If he'd done it in private I MIGHT have let it slide. But he didn't. If I let him get away with it I look weak, like I can't control my little group. I won't let that happen. He needs a lesson if only to remind him and the others who runs things around here." Hunter said.

"I don't think that way. I know who the leader here is." Chyna said.

"That's because you have more brains than the rest of them. One of them is going to slip, then the whole roster would know he'd faced me down and gotten away with it." Hunter said.

"You're right, they're idiots." Chyna said laughing. "So what are you planning."

"A lesson in what his life would be like if he did walk. A little reminder if you will in how bad he had it before he came into DX." Hunter said smiling.

"You'll have to tell them. Otherwise they might go to his aid." Chyna said.

"I know. It'll be very clear to the little man exactly what's happening and why." Hunter replied.

"It'll be a good reminder to the rest of the gang too." Chyna said softly.

I won't forget it either. When I decide to go it'll be without any warning. Chyna thought.

*Kane*

Finally. Kane thought, when he heard them call for the 9:30 to Santa Fe.

Boarding the plane, he made his way to the first class seat he'd been given.

At least they got me first class. Kane thought, glad for the upgrade.

Sitting down, he tried to let his anger fade.

If you can't change it you need to let it go. He thought almost hearing J.J.'s voice saying it.

Kane thought, feeling the usual twinge when he thought of her.

When is that going to stop happening? Why can't I put her behind me? Even the betrayals of Mark, father and all the others never felt like this. Those brought anger and the desire to hurt them. This feels like someone is squeezing my heart. Kane thought, trying to figure out what was going on.

He felt the tears fill his eyes as these thoughts ran through his mind.

Idiot you have to think of something else. You can't let her rule your mind it only makes it worse. Kane told himself sternly.

As soon as they'd taken off, Kane requested a headset and tuned into a random channel.

He kept his eyes closed and tried to let the music soothe him and calm him.

It's working. He thought, when he felt himself relaxing.

Then suddenly he became aware of the lyrics to the song he was listening to.

My breath is short

My heart is beating fast

Every time I smile at her she's smiling back

If I'm dreaming

Please just let me sleep

Anyone can see that she's too good for me.

Oh give her time

She'll find soon enough

Just let me have and hold her till she does

What we got going on is so incredible

This chemistry between us feels so wonderful

But knowing me, I'll probably

Find some way to mess it up.

Who knows who cares

Right now just let me be in love

Don't concern me with reality

Don't convince me she's to heavenly

Forget the future disregard the past

Those are questions I don't wanna to ask.

To my heart all that matters is tonight

Just let me live this moment in her eyes

What we got going on is so incredible

This chemistry between us feels so wonderful

But knowing me, I'll probably

Find some way to mess it up.

Who knows who cares

Right now just let me be in love

What we got going on is so incredible

This chemistry between us feels so wonderful

But knowing me, I'll probably

Find some way to mess it up.

Who knows who cares

Right now just let me be

Who knows who cares

Right now just let me be in love

Let me be in love

Let me be in love

I just wanna be in love

[Just Let Me Be In Love - Tracy Byrd]

That's how it all went. If I'd just been able to remember to only take it day by day. If I'd somehow kept myself ready, it wouldn't be hurting me this much. Kane thought.

I knew it couldn't last, but I let myself believe it was real. I forgot that those things just weren't possible for me…really. But it was so great to have it, just for a little while. In time I'm sure the pain will fade. Then at least I'll have the memories. Kane decided.

This whole mess is my fault. But I let it happen; no I made it happen. Kane thought, lying his head back down against the seat. It's done and overwith now. I couldn't change it even if I wanted to.


	19. losing the light Chapter 19

Chapter 19

*X-Pac/Outlaws*

"No, I don't feel like going out tonight. I'm going to rent a movie or something and hit the mini bar." X-Pac said, hoping they wouldn't give him too hard a time.

I need a break from the constant bullshit. I'm sick of either watching you go after someone or dealing with you going after me. X-Pac thought.

Can't let him stay here. If we do it'll piss Hunter off even more than he already is. Jessie thought.

"I can't believe you want to hang around this fucking room all night. Or do you have someone coming over. Maybe Tori is going to pay you a visit, is that it?" Jessie said, leering at X-Pac.

"Hell no, it took me forever to get her out of my room. I'm not letting her back in for any reason. Besides you guys probably had her she's lousy." X-Pac said.

"Hunter wanted us all out together." Billy said, scowling at X-Pac.

"Well if he has a problem with it. I guess he'll come and tell me won't he." X-Pac replied.

"We'll see." Jessie said, not feeling like standing around arguing.

J.J.

******Dreaming******

J.J. found herself sitting quietly on the floor in and unfamiliar room. She got up and looked around.

This is a really weird place. The walls aren't square they seem to be sloped in a very odd way. J.J. thought, moving closer to one wall.

Placing her hand against it she was shocked to feel it pulsing under her palm. Then the whole room began to squeeze in and then out repeatedly.

"Where the hell am I?" J.J. cried out.

J.J. put her hands over her ears in an effort to drown out the loud thu-thuds that accompanied the wall's movements.

"You are inside the gift I gave you once." A small voice said.

J.J. spun around looking for the source of the voice. All she saw was the retreating back of a boy with auburn curls.

Before she could move to chase him, the walls began to crack. The fissures spread and grew larger before her eyes. She watched in horror, as great chunks of the room began to fall. Hitting the floor not with a crash, but with a wet slap.

J.J. curled up trying to avoid the falling ceiling.

"I don't understand!" she screamed.

*****End Dream*****

Jolting awake suddenly, J.J. tried to quell the shaking that consumed her.

"A heart… the room was a heart, his heart." J.J. realized, bringing tears to her eyes.

*Kane*

The plane landing startled him out of a deep sleep.

Shit when did I fall asleep? Kane wondered.

He waited until the rest of the passenger's had left before standing up. Then reached into the overhead and pulled out his carry-on.

Walking toward the door Kane couldn't help but notice the crew talking near the door.

"I'm telling you Ben it's him. You follow wrestling more than I do, but even I recognize this guy." The stewardess said.

As he reached them Kane saw Ben's eyes go wide.

"Wow.. I can't believe it …Kane." The young man stuttered. "Could I please have your autograph?"

Kane looked at him for a moment. Then put down his bag to accommodate him. Before he left the plane he'd signed two more. One of them was for the plane's captain.

Still shaking his head, Kane walked down the ramp and into the terminal. While he was waiting for his bags he looked up and saw Jim Duggin and Hacksaw Calhoon walking toward him.

Last thing I need is another incident in an airport. Kane thought.

He kept his eyes on the luggage and hoped they weren't on Hunter's list of 'conscripts'.

Kane was relieved when they just pulled a couple of battered duffels off the turning machine and walked away.

The idiot further aggravated him, when he took an extra 45 minutes to get him his car. Finally he was on his way.

At this rate it'll be a week before I actually get together with Vince. Everything is trying to stop my seeing him. Kane thought with frustration.

He reached the hotel and was checked in by midnight. Before leaving the desk he wrote Vince a note and left it for him to get in the morning.

Maybe he'll actually decide to talk to me before the show. If my luck changes I could be back tonight. Kane thought, trying to be hopeful.

J.J. always said hope for the best, but plan for the worst. Kane thought, instantly feeling the tug at his heart.

I have to stop reminding myself of her. Kane rebuked himself.

There is no way I'll sleep tonight since I slept on the flight. Kane thought to himself, as he got to his room.

*J.J.*

Rolling over J.J. curled up and let the tears flow freely, while images of him played before her on the blank walls. After quite some time her alarm brought her back to reality with a start.

Forcing herself out of bed and into the bathroom she smiled grimly at the red eyes and blotchy skin staring back at her.

Reaching over J.J. turned on the radio and tuned it to her favorite country station.

She'd just stepped into the shower. When this song began to play.

You said you were afraid to trust

So sorry for yourself it must be hard

Living inside your head

And I'm no angel in disguise

I've had my share of alibis

But I was true to you

I meant every word I said

But what's the use

You believe whatever you want to.

You can run you can hide

Love will still come to find you

You can turn it away

Keep romancing your pain

You're the best at self-defense

I'd say you mastered the art

But baby mine was a harmless heart

In your eyes I'm like the rest

You set me up to fail the test

And prove that you were right

Everyone lets you down

The ghost of all that might have been

Keeps tapping you your shoulder

But you just keep right on movin'

You never turn around if you ever do

I hope you see that I really loved you

You can run you can hide

Love will still come to find you

You can turn me away

Keep romancing your pain

You're the best at self-defense

I'd say you mastered the art

But baby mine was a harmless heart

You're the best at self-defense

I'd say you mastered the art

But baby mine was a harmless heart

Baby mine was a harmless heart

[Harmless Heart - Trisha Yearwood]

J.J. stood dazed, just staring into space as she realized that the song was their relationship. She began to shake, but didn't have any tears left to cry.

How could a song be so close to the mark? J.J. wondered for a moment.

Forcing herself to finish her shower, she stepped out and dried off absently.

Finally shaking the cobwebs from her head, J.J. headed out to the bar.

I have to get out of here. The sooner the better. J.J. told herself.

She practically ran down the street to the 'Stepping Stone'.

"What's the hurry?" Roger called out when she got there.

"I needed some of your wonderful coffee." J.J. said, quickly trying to cover her behavior.

"Oh you did huh?" Roger asked looking doubtfully at her.

"Yeah, I did." J.J. said laughing at the look on his face.

"In the kitchen." He said, still watching her closely.

"How's the head?" Sandy asked as J.J. poured a cup.

"Fine, how's yours?" J.J. replied.

"Feels about ten pounds too heavy and ready to split." Sandy replied.

"Oohh poor baby." J.J. said, obviously hiding her smile.

"You are such a bitch you know that?" Sandy said, smiling apathetically.

"We all are sometimes wouldn't you say." J.J. replied letting her laugh surface now.

Sandy just put her head in her hands and sighed.

"Sandy I've been meaning to ask you. Aside from the invitations, how are you getting the word out about your opening?" J.J. asked

"I've already arranged to have the opening put into a few papers in town and in a few nearby towns." Sandy replied.

Oh shit, nearby towns. That means one of them could see it and come down. Now I really have to go before it happens. J.J. thought frantically.

"Well, we're nearly done anyway. We'll be more than ready by then." J.J. said.

"I'm sure we will. I think Saturday is a great day for an opening. The guests won't have just come from a long day at work. But they won't have to get up early for work the next day. It's the best day to do something like this." Sandy said, sounding like she needed reassurance.

"Of course it is Sandy." J.J. replied trying to sound sincere.

Any other Saturday would be prefect. But this timing sucks. They'll be in Santa Fe for the Thursday show and be stuck either there or Silver City between then and the PPV in Socorro on Sunday. Most of them will be looking for something to do and they might see this as one of them. Especially since Pinos Altos is between the two cities. J.J. thought, wishing they had picked another date.

"You look distracted is something wrong." Sandy asked. "Do you think we won't be ready for Saturday? We can still change the date." Oh how I'd love to say yes and suggest the next weekend. But I know you already sent the invitations and made all the arrangements. I couldn't do that to you. No matter how well it would work out for me. J.J. thought.

"No Sandy, We'll be ready. Besides you already have everything all set don't you?" J.J. replied.

"Yes but it could still be changed." Sandy said, a hint of nervousness and desperation in her voice.

"Relax Sandy. This is going to be the biggest best grand opening this town has ever seen. Hell, with the way you cook this might me the smallest crowd you ever have." J.J. said, trying to soothe her obvious fears.

"She's right babe. I can't see anything more that could be done to make this better." Roger said walking into the kitchen.

"Maybe there is one thing, we could finish the restoration." He said, laughing.

"Fine we get the message." Sandy said, threatening to throw her coffee cup at him.

Roger ducked out of the room and the two women soon followed him.

They got to work on the private room and soon had it shining.

"This is going to be great." Sandy said, finally sounding confident.

"Ok, now for the important thing. The BAR." Roger said.

Again the three of them pitched in and had the bar not only shining but stocked in no time.

"I'll leave the bathrooms for you guys." Roger said cheerfully.

"Oh no you don't. You'd better get used to cleaning the men's room because I won't be doing it." Sandy replied with an equally cheery tone.

J.J. just sat there and laughed as they 'discussed' it. In the end Roger picked up a bucket of cleaning supplies and headed in that direction.

"Guess you won that one." J.J. said still laughing.

"We'll see how long it lasts. I guarantee he'll have hired someone before the opening to do my dishes and the bathrooms." Sandy said.

"But he said no one could help in your kitchen." J.J. said.

"Well dishes are another matter altogether. That's not cooking that's cleanup." Sandy said with a smile and a shrug.

"I'll unpack the rest of these things while you do that. Then we can get them up where they belong." J.J. said, smiling as she tried to escape bathroom duty.

"Of course." Sandy said, turning to head into the back.

"What no argument?" J.J. said.

"No you're the decorator. This isn't decorating." Sandy called over her shoulder.

"Sure use the guilt card." J.J. said softly, as she began to follow Sandy.

"I was serious J.J." Sandy said, when J.J. walked in behind her.

"You've already done way more than a decorator ever would. I spoke with a friend of mine and she said her decorator helped her pick things but that was it. She was floored when I told her the kinds of things you were doing beyond that." Sandy said.

"Well we know I'm not really a decorator don't we. Before the day I walked in here I would never even have thought of that." J.J. replied.

"That isn't the point. You don't need to be cleaning bathrooms. Go ahead and unpack the rest of those things. Then we can decide where they should go." Sandy said, shooing her out of the room.

*Kane*

Waking up Kane stretched.

Guess I was more tired than I thought. Kane thought, realizing he'd slept fully clothed. I hardly remember lying down.

Looking at the clock he saw that it was almost six thirty.

Vince should be up soon. I don't want him to catch me sleeping if he decides to talk to me today. Kane thought.

His stomach growled loudly reminding him that he'd last eaten around ten and that had been an airplane meal.

Picking up the phone he called an order into room service.

He'd long since finished his meal and was pacing the room when there was a knock on the door.

Kane slid his mask on and pulled it open.

"Dad sent me to get you." Shane said, sounding as if he'd rather have a root canal.

Yeah I'm happy to see you too. Kane thought, that old desire to stomp his pompous ass quickly returning.

He followed the younger McMahon surprised when he went down stairs.

Kane was even more shocked to be led into the restaurant and over to Vince's table.

"Don't bother taking a seat. I really don't have time to deal with you today. But it's been two weeks. I'll reinstate you with a warning. If you ever touch any of the staff again I'll do worse than a two week suspension." Vince said, barely looking up at him.

Kane nodded so Vince would know he'd understood.

"You'll face Bossman tonight, No DQ." Vince said his tone an obvious dismissal.

Your enforcer, it figures and you've made his little stick legal. Fine, I can deal with him. I've done it before. Kane thought as he turned to walk away.

"I don't know why you don't just get rid of him. He's way more trouble than he's worth." Kane heard Shane whine.

"I know and I would toss him in a second. But for some inconceivable reason he actually has fans, a lot of them." Kane heard Vince growl through the door, sounding pissed to have to say that.

Is that even possible? I've been asked to sign autographs but that would happen even to Coco-beware. Kane thought his spirit rising unaccountably.

As he headed back upstairs, Kane remembered the last time he'd faced Bossman.

She really freaked out on me. I was sure she hated me, but she was worried. I didn't know worry could make someone act like that. Kane thought, smiling even though the memory hurt.

?

I don't want to get this tape out too soon. It'll seem too much like a setup. He thought, smiling as he put the tape back in its hiding place.

A knock on his door ended his speculation.

"Come in." He said, turning to face the blonde. "Get everyone together, we're out of here. Time for a little fun I think."

"Ok, are we meeting in the lobby?" The smaller man asked.

"Yes, and make it quick." He replied.

*Pete*

"Well if he wasn't on the plane does that mean he couldn't get Vince to rescind the suspension." Pete wondered, as he unpacked.

Maybe I could talk to Vince myself. Pete thought for a moment.

No, that would only make Kane angry because I'd stepped in. Pete thought.

"I just wish I knew what happened to make him disappear on me. I thought we were past that. I actually thought he believed I was his friend." Pete muttered, as he put away the last of his gear.

"At least this time I'll be in one place long enough to get things done." He laughed to himself, as he pulled out his laundry bag.

"I'm sure Kane has contacted Vince by now. He'd be anxious to come back. I wish I'd gotten to see him beforehand. The last thing we need is him coming back but not at a hundred percent." He muttered.

Vince doesn't even have a reason to get him cleared before coming back. He doesn't know Kane was hurt. Pete thought.

"Maybe we should have told him." Pete said shaking his head.

Think I'll head over to the arena and make sure everything made the trip without damage. Pete thought.

*Hunter*

"What do you mean he isn't coming? Didn't you tell him I wanted him down here?" Hunter growled angrily.

"Of course we did?" Billy replied quickly.

"Yeah, he said if you had a problem with it you would come and get him." Jessie added.

"Is that so?" He said, his eyes narrowing giving him and even more dangerous appearance.

"Maybe he's just tired. We all get that way sometimes." Chyna piped in, hoping to diffuse the situation.

Hunter glared at her for a moment, then turned and strode out the door.

"Don't do anything to piss him off. He's ready to snap and needs to have some time to blow off some stress." Chyna whispered.

"Sure Chyna. When he goes off he usually doesn't discriminate between friend and foe. He'll nail us as soon as anyone else." Jessie said.

"Definitely, last time I had to try to explain a huge shiner to Vince without getting in hot water for the reason." Billy said.

"I don't think he bought the door excuse at all." Jessie said laughing.

They fell silent as they approached the car.

Chyna gave them one last warning look just before she ducked her head to get in.

"Took you guys long enough." Hunter bitched, throwing the car into gear and squealing the tires as he pulled out.

This is not good. Chyna thought looking at Hunter from the corner of her eye. He's going to add this to X-Pac's upcoming beating for sure.

Hunter drove fast enough to attract the attention of the local cops. As he pulled over Chyna watched him turn on the smile that always fooled everyone but her.

"Sir, are you aware you were speeding." The officer asked, as he approached the car.

"No sir, I'm afraid I didn't realize it." Hunter said, turning on the charm.

He casually handed the officer his license, as if the name and picture on it wouldn't be recognized.

"Oh, well in that case Mr. Hunter I'm sure we can just give you a warning this time." The officer stammered, as soon as he'd seen the picture.

"Why thank you. I really appreciate it." Hunter said, taking back his license.

"Um, before you go could you sign an autograph for my son?" He asked.

"Of course I will. What's his name?" Hunter said calmly.

The officer told him and thanked Hunter profusely before walking away.

"Stupid moronic bastard. Like I want to sign one more autograph today." Hunter bitched while pounding on the steering wheel the second the officer had pulled away.

Shit he did it again. He managed to get someone to let him off the hook with just a smile. How is it that no one sees what he's really up to unless he chooses to let them? Chyna wondered.

I could never get away with that. Jessie thought sarcastically.

Damn I wish that would work for me. Billy thought, remembering all the speeding tickets he'd paid lately.

*X-Pac*

"Well it looks like I get my quiet night after all." X-Pac thought happily.

He took a long hot shower. Then he flopped himself down in front of the TV set.

"I just need some peace and quiet for a few days. I'm sure by then I'll at least be able to pretend they don't make me sick."

He sat staring more into space than at the TV. Without realizing it he let his mind drift to the past.

*** Dreaming ***

"Kane is joining us." Hunter said with his back to his group.

"What why? The guy's not only a psychotic monster but he's uncontrollable, you said so yourself. Look at all the shit Vince has had to do to him trying to get some control." Billy said, sounding just a bit afraid.

"Why doesn't concern you. I want him in and I've already talked to him. He's going to join us." Hunter said sternly.

"Ok, but I'm not working with him. I've already got a tag partner." Jessie said slapping Billy on the back.

"He'll be doing singles. But if I decide to team him with someone I'd better not hear anything but how glad you are for the opportunity. Don't give him any shit." Hunter said looking at everyone.

"No one gives him any shit. If I see it I'll make sure to remind you, but you won't like the way I do it. He's DX now that means he's family. Don't forget what that means." Hunter said.

"We won't, DX always takes care of its own." Billy and Jessie said simultaneously, if a bit mechanically.

Hunter just smiled and went into the other room.

"By the way kid. YOU have a new roommate." Hunter said, poking his head back into the room.

"Tough luck kid. Better not snore or you may not wake up." Billy laughed.

Great, X-Pac thought. Just what I need a mad man for the roommate. I guess I'll learn the hard way how to deal with him.

Scenes quickly passed before him. Those first few nights when he'd been too afraid to even talk to the giant. Then trying to begin conversations about a TV program or something about work.

He watched as first they tolerated one another, and then slowly began to become friends. He could see the big guy fighting it every step of the way. X-Pac watched Kane falter and make false starts in returning his friendship.

He remembered being surprised that Kane didn't seem to have any idea how to accept friendship. Then it became easier for him.

He watched Kane stay on the fringe of the group. He never really participated in any of the group activities. Even in the locker room he stayed as far from everyone as he could. He even made sure to change without being seen.

I was so pissed when I realized that Hunter was 'accidentally' forgetting to invite Kane when the group went out in public. X-Pac thought.

He saw the confrontation again, as he tried to get Hunter to tell him why Kane had been excluded.

"Do you really want to be seen in public with him? How in the hell can we pick up the babes with him hanging around?" Hunter had laughed. "We'd have to pay one to even talk to him."

X-Pac watched himself get so angry that he couldn't speak. Instead he just opened and closed his mouth a few times.

After Hunter walked out, X-Pac could see himself destroying the locker room. Then throwing a chair at the connecting door. He was shocked at what he saw when it swung open.

Shit he's in there. He heard it all! X-Pac thought, seeing the object of the discussion sitting in the next room with his head in his hands.

"Kane, are you ok?" He'd asked, walking slowly into the room.

Kane got up and nodded before brushing past him and going out of the locker room. But X-Pac could see the pain in Kane's eyes and feel the anger that radiated in waves from his large frame.

X-Pac couldn't help but relive the anger and pain he'd felt when he saw the look in Kane's eyes. He felt the shame roll through him again and it twisted his gut even now.

The memories flashed faster. He saw them together at the doctors. Then practicing his speech. He remembered the thrill when Kane had managed his first word.

The first thing he said was my name. Not my ring name, he called me Sean. X-Pac thought, remembering how proud he'd been that he'd choose that.

Then they were tossed from the group. Their friendship made it obvious that they'd be a tag team. Man, they did better than anyone expected. But then it began falling apart. The harder X-Pac tried the more of a liability he realized he was.

He could still hear the talk in the locker room about how Kane needed to rescue him, even when he was in a singles match.

They decided to bring in a manager to try and get things back on track. Oh, how glad I was to see how happy Tori made him. He'd come so far in how to accept friendship.

What a fool I was. First I fall for the rumors Hunter spread about me being weak. Then I didn't see Tori as plant until it was too late. I should have seen it and protected him from it. But I was so busy dealing with my own shit that I was blind.

The scene change again and he could see Kane's eyes as he lay crumpled in the ring. He could see and hear himself berating and humiliating his best friend. But he'd made the decision and couldn't back out.

The next pictures were of helping Tori destroy Kane while he was tied to the ropes. The pain in the big man's eyes was nearly unbearable.

By then I knew it was all part of Hunter's plan. Right from the start when he'd invited Kane into DX. But it was too late because I'd already ruined any chance of undoing what Hunter's plan had done to Kane. X-Pac remembered sadly. Even if I'd turned back then, I could never have fixed it. It could never have been the way it was.

The dream changed again and he watched himself and the rest of DX tie Kane up in the ropes and then completely decimate him. Though he'd had his back to the attack for most of the time he could hear the distinct sound of steel on flesh.

*** End Dream ***

X-Pac woke to a very drunken Hunter pounding on his door. Sitting up he wiped his hands down his face. He wasn't really surprised to find he'd been crying.

*Ministry*

"Well, where is he?" Undertaker asked, obviously displeased at the disobedience.

"He's still hurting from yesterday's match. He hoped you'd allow him to rest. But he asked me to tell you he'd be right down if you wish it." Edge said.

"No, let him rest. He has earned it." Undertaker said.

"May I call him?" Edge requested.

"You have a moment to do so." He replied.

"Christian you're all set. He said you'd earned it." Edge told his younger brother quickly.

Then he headed right back over to the gathered ministry.

Together the imposing looking group walked out into the night.

*Kane*

Once he'd reached his room Kane sat down and thought about what he's heard Vince say.

He never would have said that if he'd thought I could hear him. Kane realized instantly.

Vince goes out of his way to remind me how much of a misfit and a monster I am. He's never even tried to gain my trust. Instead he uses force and the threat of a strait jacket, an asylum, or losing my job to get what he wants. Kane thought, getting disgusted for even caring.

Won't he be surprised when he gets exactly what he's always thought I was? If he thought I was bad before. This time will make those days seem like a pleasant dream. Kane thought.

Pushing himself off the couch, he grabbed his jacket and slid into his mask. As he stepped out into the hallway he quickly stepped back and shut the door most of the way.

Shit, I still don't know how to deal with Pete. Kane thought, watching his friend's back as he walked down the hall.

No matter what, I can't let him get anywhere near me. I won't chance that his family will be hurt. I'll have to think of something though. I don't have a choice. Kane decided stepping out once he was sure Pete was gone.

Kane went the opposite way he'd seen Pete going. Then he took the stairs down to the lobby. Before stepping out Kane looked through the window, trying to be sure Pete wasn't there.

Then he crossed quickly, trying not to look as if he were hurrying.

Don't want them to think I'm hiding or afraid of anyone. Kane thought, knowing he had to let them know from the first second that he was here to hurt them.

He saw LOD on his way out.

"Hey look who's back? Now we'll have some fun around here." They laughed.

Don't let them get to you. If you do you'll only get suspended again before you even see the inside of a ring. Kane thought trying to restrain his rage.

Just use it for later. Tonight should prove to be exciting. No DQ means I'll probably see DX in my match too. I wonder what will happen at the arena. Does Hunter still have a bounty on my head? Kane couldn't help but chuckle silently as he walked outside.

*J.J.*

"Well that's the last of it. Everything is ready for the big opening Saturday. Are you excited? J.J. asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, I almost wish there were a few more things to do. I'm going to go crazy tonight and tomorrow just with waiting around." Sandy said, getting up to pace.

"Roger, you better keep her busy or else she'll wear a hole in the floor." J.J. said laughing.

"I'm sure I can think of something." He said, a wicked grin appearing on his face.

Damn, I have to find a way to get out of here. They're already there and after tomorrow I need to be long gone. J.J. thought.

"Well, now that the place is ready to go, I guess tomorrow I start job hunting." J.J. said. "Maybe I'll head up toward Minnesota."

"What do you mean tomorrow? You have to stay for the opening. We've worked so hard." Sandy said sounding distressed.

"Yeah and it should be your day. I'll just get in the way. Really it would be better if we said goodbye tonight, so I can beat the weekend traffic." J.J. said, trying not to sound too desperate.

"NO, I want you here. Who else is going to keep me from completely losing my mind?" Sandy said tearfully.

Oh, this is not going well. I never thought this would mean so much to her. J.J. thought, seeing her reaction and the look on Roger's face.

"What are you talking about? You'll have so many people here you won't have a spare second. Besides Roger is going to be here." J.J. said, trying to get Roger to pipe in.

"Yeah, when I'm not cleaning the bathroom." Roger said, trying to lighten the mood.

J.J. laughed along with Roger, but it sounded strained and did nothing to ease Sandy's mind.

"I'll tell you what. Why don't we all sit down and talk about this? No reason to get upset Sandy. I'm sure she didn't realize how much you wanted her here." Roger said quickly, when he saw his wife getting more upset.

They all sat down at the bar and Roger played bartender.

"J.J. tell me the truth, why are you so anxious to get out of here. Is something going on that I don't know about?" Sandy said.

"No, I've really enjoyed being here. You guys are great. I was so lucky to get to work with you. But it's time to go. I've got the urge to move on." J.J. said.

"But can't it wait until Sunday or Monday? Why does it have to be tomorrow?" Sandy asked.

Before J.J. could respond Sandy continued.

"You think the opening is going to be bad don't you? You want to leave before you have to see us fail." Sandy said.

"No baby," Roger said, coming around the bar and wrapping his arms around her. "Saturday is going to be great. We've done everything possible to make sure it is. You have to relax."

J.J. tried to find something to say but Roger's eyes said it all.

I have to stay. She's so worried that if I go she'll be sure it's going to go badly. J.J. said, seeing the concern in Roger's eyes and the anxiety in Sandy's.

"You're right. How could I even consider leaving without going to the party of the year?" J.J. said, trying to hide her fear from them.

I'm screwed. With how badly I don't want to be found I know someone will show up. If I'm lucky, it will be someone in the low card. J.J. thought.

"Oh, great. I can't believe you were going to make me do this alone." Sandy said, brightening immediately.

"But I'm still going. Much as I like it here, it's time to go." J.J. said.

"I guess I can let you go. So long as you do it AFTER the opening." Sandy said leaning back into Roger obviously relieved.

I never thought she'd react that way. I mean I know we became friends, but I always said I was going as soon as the job was finished. J.J. said.

They sat a while longer.

Oh shit, gotta go or I'll miss the show. J.J. thought.

"Look at the time. I have to get going. I still want to get a workout in before bed." J.J. said, no wanting to tell them why she really had to leave.

"Sure, guess you can take tomorrow off and we'll see you Saturday morning." Sandy said.

"Bright and early." J.J. said.

*Pete*

Pete arrived at the arena and went directly to the training room.

"Not bad. Should be big enough even for a few guys at a time." He muttered.

Then he turned and went to the trucks.

Pete started carrying the supplies to the room. Before long Seth and the other trainers joined in. With an hour they had the room ready to rock.

Now I'll go back to the hotel and see what I can find out about Kane before time to get back here. Pete thought, as the trainers walked out together. Maybe I'll get to talk to him.

Getting back to the hotel, Pete walked up to the check in counter.

"Excuse me can you tell me if Kane Bearer has checked in yet." Pete asked, as if he expected him to be there.

"Yes, actually he checked in late last night." The young man replied.

"Thank you." Pete said, starting to turn away. "Oh, what room?"

"Seven ten." They clerk replied.

"Thanks again." Pete said.

His room is only three doors down from me. Why is he in our area? He should be rooming in the same area as the other wrestlers. Has he seen Vince yet? Pete wondered, looking forward to seeing him.

Going back upstairs Pete went to Kane's room. He knocked but Kane didn't answer.

I'll have to keep an eye out for him. If he disappeared on purpose, he may still want to avoid me. If I catch him by surprise I have a better chance of talking to him. Did I push too hard? Pete wondered, as he took a seat and picked up a book.


	20. losing the light Chapter 20

Chapter 20

*Kane*

Walking down the street Kane tried to clear his head.

I need to be focused on one thing and one thing only, causing pain. Kane thought, but thoughts of J.J. and Pete kept interfering.

I can't do this. J.J. is gone I have to get past that. As for Pete, if I push him away and ignore him long enough he'll give up. At least I hope he'll give up. Kane thought, finally coming upon a way to protect Pete.

Heading back to the hotel. When he walked in he saw that LOD had been replaced by Demolition. They just gave him a slight nod as he passed.

What was that? Either people taunt me or ignore me. Why would they acknowledge me in any way? If anyone saw them they'd be in trouble. Kane thought, his confusion keeping him from responding, as he walked to the elevators.

Getting upstairs, he walked boldly out of the elevator and down the hall to his room. Once inside, he leaned back against the door. For all his thoughts of simply ignoring Pete, he knew it would be hard as hell after all Pete had done for him.

It's going to be hell to just walk away from him without telling him why. Whoever demanded this is making me become the like those I hate so much. He's making me the betrayer instead of the betrayed. I don't want to do that to anyone. I haven't got a choice though. No way can I risk all that he has. It would be selfish as hell to do that. Kane told himself.

Kane paced the room a bit and tried to find something to occupy the time until he had to be at the arena.

*J.J./Pete*

Once back at her hotel room, J.J. got a drink and sat down. Then she pulled out the cell phone and dialed Pete's number using the phone's memory.

I've never had a good memory for phone numbers. The only reason I know Ron and Mikes is because I dialed them for years. J.J. thought, as she waited for it to be answered.

"Shit where is the damn phone." Pete muttered, looking through his pockets quickly.

Is he not there? He always carries his cell. J.J. thought.

"Hello." Pete said hurriedly when he finally answered.

"Hello yourself." J.J. said, laughing at his tone.

"Well, it's great to hear from you, even if you did call just to laugh at me." Pete replied trying to sound upset.

"You are always good for a laugh." J.J. replied trying to sound serious.

"Thanks I think." He said. "So is this a social call?"

"Yes and no. I'd love to know what's going on with everyone. But I'd really love to hear how he's doing." J.J. said, not even needing to use Kane's name.

"Well, everyone is fine. Manny was asking about you yesterday. He's getting married and was hoping I could reach you. He wanted to invite you." Pete said.

"That's great." J.J. said.

"Do you want me to tell him hello?" Pete asked.

"No, because he'll tell someone and then Kane will eventually know we're in contact." J.J. said.

"Would that be so bad?" He asked.

"Yes, because he'd believe you betrayed him. You're the only friend he's got left." J.J. said.

"I don't know about that. He still hasn't gotten in touch with me since he disappeared." Pete said, sounding worried.

"He hasn't, but that was a while ago wasn't it?" J.J. asked, suddenly very upset.

"Yeah, but he's here. I'm hoping I'll be able to talk to him. I don't know yet if he's reinstated." Pete said.

"He's there." J.J. said.

"Yeah, I haven't seen him but I asked the desk clerk and he is checked in. It's odd though he's on my floor not the one with most of the wrestlers." Pete said. "I tried to see him but he didn't answer the door."

"That is weird. Vince won't really like that." J.J. said.

"I know he won't. But that's one way for Kane to be sure that Vince knows he's there." Pete said.

"True." J.J. said. "Well if he is back, I'm sure Vince will have him in some match that is completely unfair to him."

"I wouldn't put it past him." Pete said.

They talked for a little while longer with the conversations being mostly about Kane.

"J.J. I have to go they are about to start." Pete said.

"Ok." J.J. said, reluctant to end her conversation with her only link to Kane

"Don't worry J.J., I'll watch out for him as much as I can." Pete said, knowing how afraid she was for the big man.

Or as much as he'll let me. Pete added silently.

"I know you will Pete. You're the best." J.J. replied.

"I only wish Vince thought that. Maybe he'd pay me more." Pete laughed.

Both of them hung up and got ready for the show.

J.J. grabbed a drink and tried to get comfortable.

Pete went dashing off to the staff meeting. But J.J. was still on his mind.

*Kane/Pete*

Taking a deep breath, Kane stepped into the meeting room. He took his usual position without bothering to look around.

It'll be the same people as always. If there's anyone new they'll have been warned to stay away already. If they don't know yet they will find out soon enough. Kane thought angrily.

Standing stiffly by the door, he couldn't help but hear some of the whispers.

"He's back and he looks bigger."

"Yeah, that's not a good thing."

"Welcome back." He heard, as someone passed by him.

A quick glance revealed that it was Pete entering.

Kane caught himself just before nodding an acknowledgment.

I can't do that, have to ignore him. Kane reminded himself.

What was that? Is he angry with me about something? Is it because of the friendship question? I thought that was settled. Pete thought, his mind whirling with confusion.

Kane couldn't help but listen as Pete walked away. Wishing again that he could at least let him know why he had to be this way.

Pete took a seat and looked back toward Kane again.

"Give it a rest Pete. Jeez you talked to him and he couldn't even be bothered to look at you. He's always been weird." Kane heard Seth say

There he goes again. This little bastard is always saying shit like that. He's never even tried to talk to Kane, how can he say he's weird. How would he know if Kane were weird? Pete thought. Not that he is of course.

"You don't know a damn thing about it." Kane heard Pete snarl at his subordinate.

"Whatever you say Pete." He heard Seth reply.

Why is he defending me? I blow him off after making an agreement with him. Then I ignore him today even though I know he'd right down the hall. Kane thought. Did he even know I was here before walking into this room? Kane wondered.

DX

"He's back." Hunter whispered through a vicious smile.

"Yeah, too bad." Tori said. "I was hoping to have more time without having to look at him."

Damn, I hope he's ready for these guys. They are really out to do him serious damage. X-Pac thought, trying to keep his face impassive.

"Well, we all know the plan for tonight. Don't screw up." He said quietly, looking at each of them in turn.

"We'll do our part right Jess." Billy said.

"No doubt." Jess replied.

"Hey you know I always do what I say I will." Chyna said.

"You can count on me." Tori said.

Of course I can. You are too stupid and afraid to do anything but what you're told. Hunter thought, smiling reassuringly at her.

If she only knew what that smile really means. Chyna thought, seeing Hunter's expression.

"I know my assignment." X-Pac said quietly.

I know it but I don't like it. X-Pac thought.

"Good. You all know how pissed I'll be if this fails." Hunter said unnecessarily.

*?*

Look at him. He's doing exactly as he's been ordered so far. One more person he won't be able to turn to for help. He thought, watching the big man stand stiffly by the door.

Sounds like Pete is going to push this though. It may take a while for him to give up on Kane. But if it looks like he's getting through to him, a little reminder will make Kane push him harder. Pete will walk away he won't have a choice in the matter. He thought, keeping his face impassive.

Then Kane will be completely alone and vulnerable. He'll be an easy mark. He told himself, feeling the thrill of his own brilliance in action.

He continued to watch the two men until Vince arrived and started the meeting. Even then he would glance at them occasionally and fight the smile that wanted to surface.

Playing right into my hands. He's so easy to manipulate. I made him push her away and now Pete. Soon it will be over. He thought, proud of his ability to destroy people at will.

*Vince*

There he is, the worst mistake I ever made. I never should have let Paul talk me into signing him. Vince thought, as he passed Kane's large frame beside the door.

I thought it would help ratings to have such a controversy and it did. But now I'm stuck with him. He's a loose cannon and a constant problem. Vince thought, sneering at Kane from the front of the room. At least in the beginning that fat bastard had him under control.

Anyone looking at the Boss would have thought he was physically ill just looking at the masked giant by the door.

"As you can all see Kane is back." He said, nearly growling as he said the name.

*Kane/Pete*

Kane walked out of the staff meeting the second Vince stopped talking. He walked quickly down the hall to his locker room.

I'm surprised Vince gave me a solo again. You'd think he'd put me back in with the others, knowing I would have to take their shit or be suspended again. Kane thought as he closed the door and leaned back against it.

I almost fucked up already. I have to be more careful. If I slip Pete's family will pay for my stupidity. Kane berated himself sternly.

Where the hell did he go? He never ceases to amaze me. A man his size can't just disappear when he wants to. Pete thought, as he rushed out of the meeting trying to catch Kane.

Turning Pete began to walk up the hall looking at each of the locker rooms as he passed.

He's still got a solo, good for him. Pete thought, approaching the door with Kane's name on it.

Standing in front of the door, he took a deep breath before raising his hand.

Shit! He's found me already. I shouldn't have come back here. Kane thought, knowing it was Pete on the other side of the door.

"Kane." Pete said.

Why isn't he answering? I can see by the shadow he's on the other side of this door. Pete thought.

Kane stepped away from the door and turned to face it.

"Come on Kane, let me in we need to talk." Pete said, trying not to sound as anxious as he felt.

Reaching out, Kane snapped the lock into place. Then he put his hand on the door and closed his eyes trying to quell the shame of what he was doing.

He locked the door? Why is he doing this? Pete wondered, feeling hurt by Kane's action.

Get the message Pete. Leave, before I have to be more forceful about it. Kane told his friend silently through the thick steel door.

Then he turned and forced himself to walk away.

He's moved away from the door. I can't see his shadow anymore. Pete thought, knowing now that Kane didn't intend to talk to him.

Taking another deep breath, Pete moved slowly back down the hall to the training room.

Maybe he'll talk to me later. I hope so. Pete thought.

*?*

That's right Kane, good boy. Send him away. Tell him with your actions that you are done with him. Let him keep wondering why. That is how we'll hurt him and keep him from you. He thought, as he watched the scene from down the hall.

Now we'll just have to be sure Kane's completely alone when he finds out about the next tape. Wouldn't want him to have anyone to help him through it. That would ruin its effect completely. He thought, this time unable to keep the smile at bay.

*Kane*

Before long Kane found himself headed for the talent meeting.

At least Pete won't be at this one. I won't have to worry about him trying to get my attention and drawing danger. Kane thought.

He tried not to hear the whispers and the jokes aimed at him. Instead he began to prepare himself for his match.

I know Bossman will have that damn club. Question is will he bring the cuffs and set me up for DX? I know damn well that they're coming out to play. Kane thought, to himself already trying to find a way to beat the numbers game.

No doubt I'm going to be hurting tonight. But I can't let them make me go to the training room because Pete will be there. Kane told himself.

He was so intent on his thoughts. That he nearly missed what Vince said as he started the meeting.

"Now I've already had two requests to meet Kane tonight. Before anyone else asks he'll be facing Bossman tonight, it's NO DQ." He said emphasizing the NO DQ to be sure everyone understood what he really wanted.

Two requests for me already. I can't have managed to piss anyone off yet. Kane thought smiling behind his mask. I wonder who they are and whether they've been granted for the next two events.

Looks like Vince wants interference in this match. He practically told people to jump in by the way he said NO DQ. Kane said to himself. Looks like he's just given permission for a sanctioned beat down on me.

He turned his attention to Vince, so he wouldn't miss anything else.

Kane heard a few other people make requests. But since he'd been gone he didn't know if they were grudge matches or just matches.

*?*

The big man listened to the chatter and the nasty comments made about Kane. As he did he made mental notes as to who it was that made them and whether they'd been loud enough for Kane to hear.

Turning his attention to the front of the room, he could barely restrain himself as he heard Vince's comment.

He's getting so popular. It couldn't work into my plans any better. He'll be so busy fighting off all comers that he'll never see what I'm doing. He thought with a small chuckle.

The more the merrier, he'll be hard pressed just to survive their onslaught much less have the energy to handle my more sophisticated attacks. He thought, tensing his large frame to keep his silent laughter from showing.

*DX*

"Well we were one of the requests he was talking about. But we're on for next week." Hunter said, looking pointedly at X-Pac.

Shit he's sending me out against Kane again. He loves to watch Kane take his rage out on me. I think he just likes to know he's the reason Kane hates me so much. X-Pac thought.

What are you talking about? That ass may have planned it, but you let him trick you into doing it. You were the one who struck the first blow ruining Kane's trust in you. You were the one who intentionally came between him and his first love. Granted she was faking and you were actually doing him a favor. But he didn't know that. He still doesn't. Then to make matters worse you helped her humiliate him on national television. You deserve every ounce of pain he gives you and more. X-Pac reminded himself.

"What's with the look kid? Is that fear I see? Weakness, or maybe pity for the freak! If you're going soft here you can leave anytime. But remember what happens if you do." Hunter whispered maliciously into X-Pac's ear.

"Yeah of course I'm scared of him. He's huge… but you guys have got my back." He said, trying to sound confident. "I ain't weak. I might pity him a little just like I'd pity anyone you set your sights on destroying. He hasn't got a chance in hell and everyone knows it."

I hope they've got my back. Hunter has been looking at me strangely since we had that argument. X-Pac thought, trying not to worry about it.

Yeah we got your back. We'll watch that back of yours get busted by the freak. Let's see how much you pity him when he's done with you. Hunter thought, keeping the feral grin off his face as he turned his attention back to Vince.

*Kane/Pete*

Stepping out of the meeting, Kane again hurried to his locker room. Once inside he locked the door and turned on the lights.

"I thought I'd wait in here. I hope you don't mind." Pete said, unconsciously jumping when Kane spun around.

What the hell is he doing here? I have to get him out now so no one will think he had time to talk to me. Kane thought.

In a flash, Kane stepped forward and grabbed Pete roughly by the arm. Then nearly picking him up by the appendage he brought Pete to the door.

"Damn it Kane! Wait a minute. I need to talk to you. What are you doing? How did I piss you off? At least answer that before you throw me out." Pete said quickly, as Kane fumbled with the door's lock.

Can't answer, can't let anyone know we were together even for a minute. Kane thought, frantic when he couldn't work the lock left-handed.

Finally getting the door open, he set Pete outside with a push and slammed the door shut.

What the fuck? Pete thought, picking himself back up off the floor.

"Damn it open this god dammed door or I'll… I'll.. well I'll do something." Pete shouted, as he kicked the door.

Behind the door Kane couldn't help but smile at Pete's words.

Closing his eyes for a second he walked away from the door and began to change.

He could still hear Pete demanding entrance. But after a few minutes he noticed the shouts and pounding had stopped.

I'm sorry Pete. I can't do anything else. Kane thought, feeling anger at being forced to betray a friend.

*J.J./Kane*

J.J. turned on the TV and sat waiting for the show to begin. But after bare moments she found herself pacing the room.

"What has Vince got planned for him tonight? He's probably back too early but Vince doesn't even know he was hurt." J.J. muttered, beginning to worry.

The fireworks startled J.J. from her thoughts. Taking a seat she tried to calm herself.

He'll be fine. He's healed and he's ready for this. I know he'll kick ass. J.J. told herself, trying to feel confident in him.

Damn I hate first match. Kane thought.

Standing in gorilla position, Kane waited impatiently for his pyro to go off. When it finally did he stepped through the curtain.

At first he thought the roar he was hearing was from the pyro. Then he realized it was the people.

"Holy shit… Kane baby you looks so good." J.J. thought, jumping to her feet.

He looks healthy and ready for this. His stance is filled with anger but he looks ok. J.J. thought happily.

"Listen to them Kane. They love you, they're screaming for you." J.J. said, feeling pride and happiness for Kane fill her soul.

Her eyes filled as she watched him stalk down to the ring. The camera got a good shot of his eyes as he passed and J.J. could clearly see confusion in them.

No baby, don't be confused, what you're hearing is real. They have been waiting for you to come back. Look at all the signs. See them for what they are. Your fans are still there and their number has grown. J.J. thought.

Kane stood in the ring still unsure what to make of what was happening. From the center of the ring he turned in a slow circle looking out over the audience. He couldn't help but see all the signs they'd made for him.

He's actually trembling. J.J. realized, seeing the slight shaking of his hands.

They actually took the time to make signs for me? Kane thought, feeling a grin forming under his mask as they began to chant his name.

Then remembering what he was supposed to do. He raised his arms and signaled for the ring posts to explode.

*J.J./Kane/Commentators*

"Well it looks to me like we have an uninvited guest." The body said. "Did you know he was going to be here?"

"No sir I didn't. I'm sure he has a good reason for being out here though." J.R. said calmly.

"What are these people screaming about? It's only Kane. If I were in the ring now that would be something to scream about." Jessie said, standing up and raising his hands.

"Sounds to me like Kane's got himself a following." J.R. said, bushing Jessie's boa out of his face.

J.J. saw Kane's whole demeanor change, as he tuned out everything to focus on his match.

Suddenly the picture on the Titan-Tron changed to backstage.

"Damn it! What the hell is he doing in my ring? I didn't tell him he could wrestle tonight. Hell he hasn't even been reinstated!" Vince shouted angrily.

Vince looked around as if searching for security.

"Would somebody please get that FREAK out of my ring?" He screamed, his face turning red.

"Looks like he wasn't expected after all." J.R. said.

"Like I said a trespassers." Jessie said.

"Why don't you get up there and get him out then?" J.R. said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"No, it wouldn't be right to leave you alone to commentate. God knows how bad you are even with my help." Jessie said.

"Whatever." J.R. mumbled.

"I got him." Bossman growled, as he headed toward the ring twirling his club as he went.

"Why are you doing just standing there? Get out there and keep that animal from hurting Bossman or anyone else." Vince shouted, pushing Earl toward the ring.

J.J. moved from the couch to the floor right in front of the TV.

Come on Bossman get your little stick out here it's time to play. Kane said, silently inviting his opponent to join him.

He stood ready as Bossman ran down the ramp followed by Earl Hebner.

Oh, Vince is actually giving me a ref. why bother there won't be a pin here and he knows it. Someone is getting carried out of here. Kane thought.

"Shit, I've seen him do that before. He's building his rage." J.J. muttered, watching Kane's body language change.

Bossman slid into the ring still holding his baton. His cuffs shined brightly from their holster at his back.

Shit that bastard brought his cuffs. Kane could really be in trouble here. I've never seen a match start like this. What is Vince doing? J.J. wondered.

Even before the cob county guard had gained his feet Kane was on him. He was literally tearing the man apart.

Can't let him get a chance to use that club or those cuffs. Kane thought as he cataloged weapons while his opponent entered.

Grabbing the club, Kane took it easily from Bossman's hands and tossed it out of the ring. Then he threw him face first into the turnbuckle.

J.J. watched in awe as Kane first disarmed the man. Then tossed him into the corner like a rag doll. She smiled as Kane charged across the ring and into his stunned opponent. Then stepped back and tore the holster containing the cuffs from his belt.

"What the hell is he doing? He's tearing the clothes right off Bossman's back." Jessie shouted.

"Not the clothes Body. Just the weapons." J.R. said, almost sounding proud.

"He can't do that." Jessie growled.

"Sure he can. I'm sure you'd do the same thing if you were facing an armed opponent and had no weapon." J.R. said, instantly putting his partner in his place. "Kane is showing some real strategy here."

"That's it baby think. Take that shit away from him so he can't use it on you." J.J. said to the screen.

Now that we're both unarmed you are really in a world of hurt. Kane thought, pulling Bossman out of the corner and slamming his head into the turnbuckle.

Finally snapping out of his daze, Bossman began trying to mount an offence. He dropped to his knees pulling Kane off balance. Then as Kane's face bounced off the turnbuckle he rolled out of the ring and back inside right behind Kane.

Kane recovered quickly and turned. But found himself face to face with a very angry Bossman. Before Kane could move he felt a knee slam into his crotch.

Shit that hurts. Kane thought unable to keep on his feet.

"You have to do more than warn him Earl. That's an illegal move." J.J. shouted at the TV.

Kane dropped to his knees then his side. Curling up he began feeling the bile rise into his throat, as the pain raged through is body.

He really fucking got me. Kane thought, knowing Bossman had gotten a hard clear shot.

Smiling down at him, Bossman drew back and began to wail on Kane's unprotected back.

Kane lay there taking the punishment as he tried to recover from the low blow. As that pain began to recede, he rolled onto his back and sat up. Looking up he saw a surprised Bossman still in position to kick him again.

Want to use low blows, no problem. Kane thought, reaching up and wrapping his hand around Bossman's jewels.

Bossman screamed as he felt Kane's hand close around him. The pain was so intense that he just stood there while Kane gained his feet.

"Holy shit! Kane's got a handful. You are not going to try to tell me that's right." Jessie said to J.R.

J.J. could hear Earl yelling at Kane to let him go. But Kane didn't even seem to hear him.

"No, but hell Bossman hit the low blow first." J.R. replied.

J.J. groaned in sympathy as she watched Kane nearly lift Bossman by his own balls. But at the last second he grabbed him around the throat and hoisted him over his head.

"That has got to be the most painful military press in history. He's still got Bossman's jewels in his vice like grip." Jessie said, his voice sounding higher than usual.

Earl was still screaming at Kane to break the hold.

Watching closely J.J. could see Bossman's face turning green.

"You'd better move Earl. Oh too late." J.J. said, as Bossman threw up on the unsuspecting Ref.

That's disgusting. Kane thought, dropping Bossman the second he heard him puke.

The ex-guard's face landed directly in the pool of his own vomit. But he didn't seem to notice as he instantly curled up and after retching again stopped moving altogether.

Staring down at him Kane shook his head.

No way I'm going for a pin in that mess. Kane thought.

"I'd tell Kane to pin him and end the match. But I wouldn't want to get down into that mess." J.R. said, the disgust he felt evident in his voice.

Earl was still trying to wipe the putrid liquid off and wouldn't have been able to make the count even if Kane had been willing to pin Bossman.

"Guess you win Babe. You may as well get out of there." J.J. said, still shocked at what had just happened.

Just then Earl turned and signaled for the bell.

"Kane by disqualification." Earl said.

The audience erupted into deafening applause and laughter as Earl made the announcement.

"I think that is the first time anyone has ever lost a match for puking on the Ref." Jessie said with disbelief.

"I believe you're right. That's one loss Bossman is going to hate having in the record books." J.R. said trying not to laugh.

Kane stood in the ring allowing Earl to raise his hand in victory. While the EMTs pulled Bossman out of the ring and a crewman cleaned up the mess.

That was certainly an interesting win. Kane thought, turning and flipping out of the ring.

I can't believe he puked on Earl. Kane thought, trying not to show his amusement at the whole thing.

Walking back up the ramp Kane turned to face the ring in order to acknowledge the crowd.

"LOOK OUT!" J.J. screamed at her TV when she saw half the roster come boiling out from behind the curtain.

*Kane/J.J.*

What the hell was that? Kane thought, when he felt the first blow fall.

Spinning around he saw not only DX but also LOD and IRS.

Guess they expected the match to last longer. Kane thought, grabbing X-Pac and tossing him further down the ramp before reaching for the nearest attacker.

"Kane baby they're coming from the audience too." J.J. said her eyes filling as she saw Virgil the barbarian and even Shane's posse coming from among the crowd.

Kane fought well. He even managed to keep them from taking him down.

I know I can't keep this up for long. They're bound to get me off my feet and then I'm finished. Kane thought, even as he got hold of IRS and threw him back into the crowd of wrestlers trying to reach him.

He continued to throw punches desperate to keep the area around him clear.

If I let them get too close I won't have any room to move or fight. Kane thought.

"What's happening?" J.J. wondered when a man at the back of the pack went down.

Then she saw it happen again and yet again.

"Who's helping him?" J.J. wondered happy to see that someone was.

Kane never saw what J.J. did. Instead he saw a sea of angry wrestlers all trying to do him harm.

Then his feet came out from under him and he slammed face first into the metal grating of the ramp.

"NO!" J.J. cried, as she helplessly watched Adam Bomb grab Kane's legs and pull taking him down.

Fuck I have to get up. Kane thought, trying anything to get out from under the kicking mob.

J.J. sat whimpering, as she watched him being relentlessly beaten.

"Where is that help now? Whoever it was should still be around there somewhere." J.J. wondered aloud.

Unable to move now beneath the crush, Kane started trying to block the blows and protect himself instead. Even that proved nearly impossible, because there were too many feet kicking him to block.

Even as she watched J.J. got her answer. LOD grabbed a couple of Kane's attackers and tossed them aside to get into the action.

"Damn, it wasn't help, it was them wanting their pound of flesh." J.J. whispered realizing Kane's situation was even more desperate.

Damn it. Kane thought, grabbing at legs and trying to knock people off their feet so he could gain his knees at least.

Then it was over, there was no one attacking him anymore. Sitting up Kane saw that security and referees held his attackers at bay. Kane got to his feet trying not to show the pain that racked his body. Instead he glared at them as he made his way backstage.

"Thank god." J.J. whispered, as the beating was stopped.

*Pete*

Pete stood backstage and watched the monitor, as he often did when he could.

It's always easier to treat the guys when I actually see what happened. He thought, as he watched.

"OH Damn." Pete muttered when he saw what Kane did to Bossman.

"Hey Seth get the EMTs ready Bossman's going to the hospital." He called back into the training room.

"What did the retard do to him?" Seth called out.

I'm going to show you the next time you talk about him like that. Pete thought.

"Groin injury." Pete growled trying not to let his anger be heard.

"Shit." He heard Seth mutter.

He watched Kane walk backward up the ramp.

"He's actually looking back at the crowd. Is he acknowledging them or just watching them?" Pete wondered.

He started to send the EMTs out to work on Bossman. Then he saw a crew following them out to clean the ring.

Pete had just turned toward the training room to prepare for Bossman's arrival, when he heard it.

Spinning around, he saw the attack on Kane begin.

Unable to turn away, he watched in horror as half the talent roster decimated his friend. His anger grew as he saw even more of the talent come from the audience to join in the fray.

"Seth you take Bossman. I'm going to have my hands full." He yelled over his shoulder.

No way I'm letting him get by me without being looked at. Pete thought, trying to prepare himself for a fight.

He watched as the melee was finally broken up. As Kane's attackers were held back Pete saw Kane heading for the curtain.

At least he's walking on his own. Pete thought, knowing that it didn't really mean much with

Kane.

*Kane/Pete*

As he passed through the curtain, Kane turned to be sure there was no one waiting back stage to continue the fun. There wasn't anyone in sight.

No way Pete you keep your distance. Kane thought, remembering the last time he'd refused treatment.

"Kane let's get a look at you." Pete said, as he got closer.

Kane kept moving.

Pete came closer and whispered, "I need to get a look at your neck and whatever else they did tonight."

He's alone all I have to do is keep walking. He's not strong enough to stop me. I'll just ignore him completely. That should keep anyone watching from going through with his threat. Kane thought.

"Kane damn it STOP!" Pete said, raising his voice.

Kane could hear the other wrestlers being brought backstage. They were laughing at what they'd just done.

Kane just kept walking, without even looking at Pete.

Pete don't make me keep doing this it's killing me. Just stay away please. Kane thought when Pete fell in behind him.

"Kane, I'm not letting you do this again. You will be treated after that attack. I will go to Vince if I have to." Pete threatened.

That'll do a lot of good. Vince is the one who set me up for this he encouraged it. Kane thought, finally reaching his locker room.

Opening the door, he stepped back in shock. His locker room had been ransacked.

Pete stepped forward, snapping Kane out of his reverie. He absently pushed the trainer out of the room. Then Kane slammed the door.

It was then that the smell hit him.

GASOLINE! Kane thought, beginning to panic.

I have to get out. Kane thought frantically.

He turned back to the door, but before he could reach for the knob he saw the note.

Don't worry you're safe this time. But soon you will burn again…

It was unsigned

Kane tore the note from the door and turned around. Then he slammed his back against the door in frustration.

If I were supposed to die today, it would already have happened. He thought, moving further into the room.

Following his nose he soon found the source of the smell. It was a rag hanging on the locker door. Leaving it where it was, he went to gather his clothes and belongings.

Fuck they're soaked. Kane thought, as he picked them up.

Kane smelled each garment as he gathered them. When he found that it was water not gas. He threw them into his bag. He wasn't even bothering to wring them out. Then he walked back out into the hall.

He glanced at Pete once as he passed. Then he walked toward the rear exit.

Vince is going to be pissed that I left, but no way do I stay in that locker room. If I stay anywhere else I'll only have to deal with Pete or another attack. Kane thought.

*?*

That's it just keep walking. I wouldn't want to have to hurt Pete's poor family. He thought, watching the trainer try and get Kane's attention.

He watched from down the hall, as Kane continued onto his locker room with the trainer in tow.

Are you trying to lead him into your locker room so you can talk? I wouldn't recommend that Kane. He thought, beginning to grow angry at Kane's attempt to break the rules.

He watched Kane open the door and stand still as stone.

Surprise! Just a little reminder, that I can do anything I want and you can't stop me. He thought beginning to smile now.

His smile grew when he watched Kane push the trainer out into the hall.

Good balance Pete, I was sure you were going down. He thought, as he continued to watch.

Three, two, one… Right on time. He smiled when he heard a thud against the door.

Not only can I reach you… I can hurt you very easily. He said to Kane silently.

He stayed a little longer and watched Kane come out of the room with his kit. He could hardly keep from laughing as he watched his target walk down the hall in his wrestling gear. With his bag leaving a trail of water behind him.

He quickly ducked out of site before Pete saw him.

He waited a moment more then looked cautiously around the corner.

Good Pete followed him. He thought, moving toward Kane's locker room.

Looking around he made sure he wasn't being observed. Then he slipped inside.

I'll just get rid of this before anyone else sees it. He thought, as he picked up the crumpled note.

Opening the door again he checked the hallway before stepping out. Then the big man headed outside to get rid of the rag before going back to his locker room.

He'll just end up looking crazy if he says anything about this. He thought, as he began to change for his match.


	21. losing the light Chapter 21

Chapter 21

*Hunter/Chyna*

"What's up Hunt?" Chyna asked, when he'd sent the others out of the locker room.

"Just wanted to discuss next week's match between X-Pac and Kane." He said, a sick smile playing at his lips.

"You mean that's when X-Pac is getting his lesson not tonight?" Chyna asked.

"I would have been tonight, but the freak was already spoken for." Hunter said, an evil glint in his eyes.

"You want it to be Kane he takes by himself. You know damn well he'll break the kid in half." Chyna said, already fearing for X-Pac's safety.

"Damn straight. What better way to teach him a lesson and kill any lingering friendship he feels for the freak? You've seen him when we talk about getting rid of the retard. He's gone soft and keeps trying to defend him or change our plans somehow. I won't have it and this will take care of both problems our little friend has displayed of late." Hunter said, in a tone that made it clear he didn't want an argument.

"Ok, but X-Pac's going to wind up in the hospital. If that happens you know how pissed Shawn will be." Chyna reminded him softly.

"I'll deal with Shawn. You make sure the others know the plan and be sure they know that X-Pac is not to find out about this." Hunter said looking pointedly at Chyna.

That should keep her from slipping and ruining the surprise. She's always been close to the little shit. Hunter thought watching Chyna leave.

*Ministry*

I'll never understand what he's doing. He had us find out exactly what was going on then he doesn't do anything. Why would he want to know if he didn't have plans to stop it? Edge wondered, as he watched Undertaker pace the room.

Undertaker turned and looked at his assembled group.

They're waiting for some explanation. I can't believe they still expect me to tell them what I'm doing and why. You'd think they would have figured out by now that I'll tell them what I want to and nothing else. Undertaker thought.

"Is there a problem?" He asked the waiting Ministry.

"Why didn't you let us go out there too?" Bradshaw asked surprising his leader.

"Because I saw no profit in it." Undertaker stated flatly.

"Then why spy to see what they were planning against him?" Paul asked.

"Because I ordered it." Undertaker said sternly.

"You suddenly question me? It was I who brought you success and all that goes with it was it not? But now you question my leadership? Do you all need a reminder of WHY I am the one you answer to?" Undertaker said his displeasure evident.

A cry of 'NO' was heard collectively from the group as each of them remembered times when they had somehow displeased their leader and felt the consequences.

Everyone's eyes dropped to the floor suddenly unwilling to look into Undertaker's face.

*J.J.*

J.J. sat and absently watched the rest of the matches. But if anyone asked what she'd seen she wouldn't have been able to answer.

Tell me you let Pete get a look at you. That attack was brutal. J.J. thought, as she anxiously waited until she could call Pete.

Once the show was over, J.J. moved back up onto the couch and reached for the photo album. Flipping through the pages, she was surprised when her mind wandered to the first time she'd ever seen him.

That beating was worse than this and he survived that. J.J. told herself, trying to ease the fear she felt for him.

Why can't I shake the feeling that he's in a lot more danger than anyone else realizes? There is something wrong. He's angry but he seems to be showing sorrow and guilt as well. Has something happened to him? J.J. wondered.

*Pete*

Pete watched Kane storm out of the locker room and down the hall.

He just looked at me but why hasn't he even acknowledged me except to push me away. I don't understand what's happening. Pete thought, turning to follow Kane.

After a few steps he began to jog in order to catch up with the big man.

"Damn it Kane talk to me. What the hell is going on here?" Pete demanded.

For just a second Kane turned to face him.

Finally I get some reaction. Pete thought.

Instead of answering, Kane grabbed Pete's shoulder and turned him back down the hall. Then gave him a rather rough push.

Shit what the hell. Pete thought, trying to keep from falling on his face.

He's never behaved this way before. Even when I first started trying to befriend him the big guy never laid a hand on me. Why all of a sudden is just being near him so offensive? Pete wondered, deciding to try again later.

*J.R./The body*

"For those of you who don't know. King will be joining Jessie and I to announce the 'No Mercy' PPV event." J.R. said, sounding excited to be getting his partner back.

"Yeah, it's about time too. I don't know how much longer I could stand listening to you whine about the rules." Jessie said.

"That's because you never followed any of them." J.R. said, sounding indignant.

"Hey, it ain't cheating unless you get caught. I was very rarely caught." Jessie said laughing.

"Anyway for those of you who don't know. King is returning from a shattered jaw." J.R. said.

"You conveniently forgot to mention that it was Kane who put King out. I've seen the tape and it was no accident. It was an intentional and brutal attack." Jessie pointed out. "I knew you would leave that part out. So I made arrangements for everyone to see the footage."

Jessie signaled and the Titan Tron lit up.

"You see that. He intentionally broke King's jaw. He didn't just hit him. Kane held King down and hit him until the jaw snapped. No way anything King said deserved that." Jessie said.

"Well I can't say it wasn't. But King's comments could be considered provocation." J.R. said.

"I'll just remember to tell King you said that." Jessie said laughing.

*Ron/Mike*

"You know my wife hates that you've converted me." Mike said, as he took a seat.

"Yeah I know. But hey at least your guys night out doesn't involve scantily clad women." Ron replied.

"Not that she knows about." Mike said. "But then she doesn't watch the show."

"Mike, the divas are nice to look at but it's not like you can do anything but look." Ron said smiling.

"True, but it's still something that would get me in trouble." Mike said.

"Chris never minded." Ron said, remembering how much they'd trusted each other.

"She didn't?" Mike asked sounding surprised.

"No, just like I didn't mind that she worked very closely with a bunch of men. I knew without a doubt that she was mine. Just like she knew I belonged to her." Ron said with a shrug.

"Damn I wish Holly would see that. She's the only one I want. But she's convinced that I want every woman I see." Mike said.

"How did she ever handle you and J.J.?" Ron asked.

"It took her forever to see that there was never, and would never be anything between us. Then she finally relaxed." Mike replied.

"Knowing J.J. she probably told Holly that you two were more like brother and sister. Hell until Chris actually introduced the two of you to me I thought you were. You guys bicker enough." Ron laughed.

"Naah, J.J. probably told her I was ugly as sin." Mike said laughing.

The comment made Ron laugh all the harder. Then the event started and both men quickly calmed.

*J.J.*

J.J. managed to wait almost an hour after the show ended before calling Pete.

"Pete?" J.J. said, as the phone was answered.

Lame question. J.J. thought.

"If it's not I've been mugged." Pete replied with a chuckle.

With a question like that she's not thinking too clearly. Pete thought, as a bit of worry for her crept into his mind.

"True." J.J. replied, resisting the urge to immediately demand information about Kane.

How do I ask without sounding like it's the only reason I called? J.J. wondered, desperate to know but not wanting to be rude.

"Before you explode, I think he's ok." Pete said, knowing that was what she really wanted.

He thinks Kane is ok? Did he see something I didn't? J.J. thought frantically.

"You think?" J.J. said sounding concerned.

Maybe I should have phrased that differently? Pete thought.

"Yeah, as usual he refused to let me check him over. But he looked all right." Pete answered.

He took too long to answer. He's hiding something. J.J. told herself, as she heard him answer.

"What aren't you telling me?" J.J. asked, hearing him hesitate a bit when he answered.

I didn't know I'd been that obvious. Pete thought, surprised that she's noticed anything.

"He's been acting a bit odd. I said hello as I passed him in the talent meeting and he wouldn't even look at me. So I went to his locker room after the meeting. Even thought I could see his shadow and knew he was just on the other side of the door he wouldn't answer it. I decided to try and make him talk to me. So when he got back from the talent meeting, I was in his locker room. J.J. he practically flew across the room and grabbed my arm. I was out the door and it was locked before I'd even had a chance to say much of anything." Pete said sounding confused and a little hurt.

Damn he usually doesn't just grab people unless it's provoked. J.J. thought, beginning to worry that Kane was going back into his shell.

"That really isn't like him. Did he motion for you to leave first or anything like that?" J.J. asked still surprised at Pete's words.

I don't think so. He barely entered the room and I was on my way out. I tried to get him to stop or let me know what was happening. But he didn't react at all. Pete thought, as the memory of their encounter ran through his mind.

"No it was like he wanted me gone as fast as possible. Like he couldn't even stand the sight of me." Pete replied.

That can't be right. Pete is his friend why would that change? J.J. thought.

"Oh." J.J. said absently.

Shit what now? How can we stop him from going back to the way he was? He was so unhappy then. J.J. thought, feeling her chest tighten with sorrow and guilt.

"I'm going to keep trying of course. I don't give up that easily." Pete told her.

I just hope he decides to let me in again. Pete thought, trying to keep some hope that it would work out.

If Pete pushes too far he may actually make Kane worse. If he keeps it up for too long Kane will find a way to make his demand clear. J.J. thought, beginning to fear for Pete's safety.

"Be careful, it sounds like he's pulling away again. He could accidentally hurt you trying to keep you away." J.J. said reluctantly.

"Don't worry, I'll be ok." Pete said quietly.

I'll just have to be careful to push but not too hard. Pete thought, hoping it wouldn't come to that.

*Kane*

Getting out to the SUV, Kane opened the door and threw his kit inside. When he heard something fall against the passenger door he growled silently.

Oh what now? He wondered angrily, as he moved to the passenger side and opened the door.

Something falling out and hitting his feet startled him.

Looking down, he saw a length of clear tubing and some wires.

What the hell is this? He thought, feeling his anger grow.

Squatting down, he picked up the tube. He brought it closer to his face and inhaled.

Gas? I guess that's how the rag got soaked. He thought, tossing it aside.

Reaching down for the wires, he began to grow suspicious.

Where could these have come from? Kane wondered, looking at one black and one red wire.

He stared at them for a bit, then it hit him.

Battery Cables? Tell me they didn't. Kane thought, as he moved to open the hood.

Damn it! He thought, when he saw that his suspicions had been right.

I am going to kill whoever is doing this! He thought, his anger quickly turned to rage.

That no good motherfucker cut my cables! He fucking stranded me here! He raged, throwing the cables across the parking lot with all his strength.

Then he slammed the hood.

Putting his hands on the cool surface, Kane closed his eyes.

He's probably watching even now. Well I won't give him the pleasure of my anger. I won't let him see that he's managed to upset me. Kane thought, trying to calm himself.

I can't and won't go back inside and try to call a cab. None of the companies will believe the call is genuine. Even if I was dressed in street clothes, I'd only have a slim chance of getting a cab to stop. No way they stop while I'm dressed in my ring gear. Kane thought, going through his few options.

No choice really, I'm alone again so I guess I walk. He thought, going back to the passenger side and grabbing his bag.

Then he made sure the doors were locked before he left.

Not that the locks did any good at keeping them out, but there's no sense in taking chances. He thought.

*?*

Damn, I wish I could have been there to see his face when he got to his rental. Did he fight to start it before he found them or did he find them before he tried? Either way he's probably more pissed than ever. He wondered, smiling to himself.

Walking down the hall, he saw the general locker room where all the rookies are kept together.

Opening the door he peered inside. Then seeing no one he stepped into the room.

Stupid ass rookies, they don't even know enough to keep their gear locked up yet. He thought, laughing softly to himself.

That's the one. He thought, approaching a certain bag.

This one is just stupid enough to show the tape around. He told himself, as he slid the tape into the bottom of Palumbo's bag.

Then he turned and made a careful exit.

No one saw a thing. I'd hate to be Chucky when Kane finds out about the tape and who started passing it around. He muttered silently.

*J.J.*

Hanging up the phone, J.J. collapsed into a heap on the couch.

I can't stand it anymore. I can't keep watching him getting hurt over and over. It'll kill me if I do. J.J. thought, knowing she'd watch anyway.

Damn me to hell for doing this to him. I ruined it all. I pushed him backward past where he was when I met him. He's rejecting everyone again. J.J. thought, punching the couch several times.

Please tell me this bad feeling I have about him is wrong. He's been hurt so much already. Don't let him be hurt anymore. J.J. thought.

Crawling into bed, J.J. stared at the ceiling with thoughts of Kane running rampant in her mind.

*Pete*

I still don't understand what's suddenly gotten into him. He's never been like that with me before. It's very clear that he wants me to stay away from him. What I don't understand is why? What's changed since I last spoke with him? Pete wondered, as he cleaned up the training room.

Even his eyes look different. That light I'd begun to see in them is gone. Once again his eyes are dead. Pete thought sadly.

*Kane*

Walking down the street, Kane tried to ignore the loud taunts and stares of the people as he passed.

You have to stay calm. If you attack any of these assholes you'll only end up in jail. If you let that happen, then DX wins, because you'll be gone. I won't let them win. No matter what else I have to do, I will never let them win. Kane thought, as he passed yet another group of ignorant assholes.

As he walked, Kane kept his amplifier in his hand.

Last thing I need is to get into another scrape with the cops and not be able to answer them. Kane thought, remembering the humiliation he'd felt at the airport.

He kept a good pace and after about an hour he'd reached the hotel.

Again he turned away when he saw the clerk's stare.

Enough already, you know there are wrestlers staying here. Since you know you shouldn't be surprised to see one. Kane thought.

Getting back up to his room, Kane quickly stripped out of his ring gear.

Damn Bossman got me. Kane thought, seeing the vomit on his sleeve.

Once he'd stripped, he stepped into the shower.

With the warm water burning the cuts, but soothing the sore muscles Kane stayed under the water for quite a while.

Finally, feeling somewhat calmer and more relaxed, Kane stepped out. Picking up the towel, he dried off and then pulled on a pair of sweats.

Going into the main room, he flopped down onto the couch with a silent groan of pain.

Then he turned on the TV to see if he could catch some of the show.

It's almost over. He thought, seeing the Brood taking on the Killer bees.

What the hell were the Bees thinking asking for this match. Kane wondered for the second time since he'd heard the request.

He couldn't help but laugh as they got their heads handed to them in record time.

Those yellow and black costumes have got to go. He thought, watching the Brood bounce them around the ring.

Before long the show was over and he was just staring at the TV blindly.

The Brood really took the sting right out of those bees. He thought, making himself laugh a little.

Where the hell did that come from? He wondered surprised at the thought.

I'd love to go to sleep, but Vince is only going wake my ass up when he finds out I left right after my match. Kane thought, already dreading another lecture from that self-righteous asshole.

As he waited, his thoughts turned again to the scene in his locker room.

Who the hell is doing all of this? It has to be DX. Mark hasn't made a move toward me since the message from Father. Kane thought.

J.J.

****Dreaming****

J.J. found herself sitting in front of a blank screen.

I'm dreaming about watching a movie. J.J. thought, seeing the size of the screen in front of her.

Then it flickered. A second later J.J. saw a figure walking into view.

It's Kane. J.J. instantly realized.

She watched him walk along hallways and seemingly following his usual routine.

This isn't right something doesn't feel right. She thought.

Watching more closely, she saw what she'd been missing.

What the hell is that? J.J. thought, as she noticed the shadow following close behind him.

Whatever it is, the damn thing is dogging his every step. J.J. thought, paying even greater attention.

Every time it gets close to him he seems to get weaker. J.J. thought, watching Kane going through his life.

She watched him wrestle, as he did the shadow would reach out and run its claws along his back or arm. Every time he did Kane seemed to shrink, not get smaller but somehow become less.

It's hurting him, slowly draining him. J.J. thought, knowing she was helpless to stop it.

On and on the film ran, then finally when Kane was obviously close to the end the film she realized the shadow had changed. It was more physical now and much less transparent.

She took a deep breath and winced when it stepped in front of Kane. J.J. could hardly watch, as the shadow took Kane's head between its clawed hands.

The view suddenly changed. She was close enough to watch Kane's eyes as they rolled back into his head.

Even with his mask on J.J. could see that his mouth was open wide. He was definitely gasping for air. His eyes widened slightly and J.J. saw him tense.

"NO!" J.J. screamed in her dream.

Kane shook for a moment as if fighting, but then went still. The thing released him and watched him fall to the ground in a boneless heap.

The picture stayed with him, just far enough away to hold both figures in sight.

She growled as she saw the shadow throw its head back and laugh silently.

"OH NO, GET AWAY FROM HIM! YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH!" She screamed, as the beast now lay its claws on Kane's chest.

Staring at its hands and Kane's chest she could clearly see Kane wasn't breathing.

An ear-splitting shriek began. The pitch was so high, that J.J. felt her ears begin to ring almost immediately.

It only took a moment for it to become clear that the painful noise was being made by the shadow.

"STOP DAMN IT STOP." J.J. cried, when she saw thin tendrils of smoke begin to drift up from Kane's prone form.

In bare moments Kane's clothes began to smoke more. She watched in horror as his shirt began to smolder and blacken.

With a howl of anger and despair, J.J. ran toward the screen in front of her. She attacked it viciously using her hands, feet and nails. She was determined to destroy the sight in front of her.

"I can't watch this… I can't." J.J. yelled repeatedly.

The thin screen quickly tore to shreds under the onslaught. As the barrier fell the piercing screech also faded.

Finally, falling on her knees she continued to pound on the scatter debris before her. She picked up pieces randomly and tore them into smaller sections.

Her anger spent J.J. realized she was crying.

Oh god, what was that! Why was it destroying him so slowly? It obviously had the power to take him quickly, but chose to draw it out. J.J. thought sadly.

Getting up she began to walk away.

****End Dream****

Waking suddenly, J.J. found herself tangled in her covers.

"Guess I'll have to pay for those." J.J. muttered, as she saw the holes she'd torn in her sheet.

Going into the main room, J.J. sat down on the couch.

"Chris always said your dreams tell you things. Most of my dreams of Kane are horrible. In every one he's been in pain. I'm usually the cause it somehow. But this time it was different." J.J. muttered, trying to work out some theory by voicing her thoughts.

"This time it was so clear and so strong." J.J. said softly.

"Could it be an omen of some kind?" J.J. wondered aloud. "Naah."

"It's probably my worry for him. He doesn't seem to be acting normal. Frankly his behavior lately has been weird, even for him." J.J. whispered, remembering her conversation with Pete earlier.

"That has to be it. You've convinced yourself that he's in some unknown danger, so in your dream you put a face on the danger." J.J. said, trying to end the train of thought.

Going back to bed, J.J. willed herself to sleep. Knowing she had a lot to do if she was going to leave tomorrow night. It didn't work.

*Undertaker/Paul*

Getting back to the hotel, each one quickly sought entertainment that would separate them from Undertaker. Each trying to escape the Master, for fear of angering him even further.

Undertaker smiled watching his minions scatter.

I should stop them and make them stay. If only to prove I can control them, and to revel in their discomfort. He thought, narrowing his eyes.

"Undertaker now that we're alone may we speak?" Paul asked, trying to worm his way into whatever plans the Phenom was working on.

"About what Paul?" Undertaker said, sounding a little angry that he was still there.

"You have never kept me from helping you get what you want. Why now do you not include me?" Paul asked, the natural whine of his voice grating on Undertaker's nerves.

Why did I ever let him convince me to keep him and leave Kane? At least Kane is silent. Undertaker thought.

"I don't know what plan you're talking about." Undertaker said, looking down at Paul.

"Well it obviously has something to do with Kane. Why else would you have everyone finding out what DX is planning for him?" Paul said, trying to sound as if he knew more than he did.

"That's no plan. I told you before I would do nothing more against him. If he chooses to let others destroy him that is his choice now. I only want to be informed. If things go too far I may need to intercede. He is after all my blood. Certain people seem to have forgotten that fact." Undertake said, now staring at Paul.

"I haven't forgotten. It was me who cared for him all those years." Paul said, as if he'd done it for pure charity and not to further his own sick plans.

"Yes, you did. Then you brought him here to destroy me." Undertaker reminded Paul, with a glare of pure disgust.

"That was a mistake…" Paul began stuttering.

"You know it was. A mistake you are still paying for." Undertaker said.

Well now I know who it was that entered my private room and searched it. Undertaker thought. He meant to find out what I was up to. The little shit should know by now that I don't leave evidence around.

"Is that really all there is to it?" Paul asked, sounding unsure.

"Yes Paul." Undertaker said, wanting to end the conversation.

"I think we're done here Paul." He added, when he saw Paul open his mouth to speak.

Nodding quickly Paul turned to leave.

I guess that could be what he's been doing. After all he's still concentrating on dealing with Vince. Paul thought as he left.

*Ron/Mike*

"Shit, I can't believe what I just saw. I mean you told me the guy was resilient and I saw it at that show we went to. But jeez he's just plain unstoppable." Mike said, as the program ended.

"Was that show your first?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, I knew the kids would want to go." Mike said.

"Then you don't know what's been happening since then." Ron said.

"No clue." He replied.

"Every week DX goes for him and every week he fights them. He never runs. This time was different though. Most of the roster was out there." Ron said, sounding pissed.

"But you know who I didn't see? I didn't see that other huge guy, his brother or his guys." Mike pointed out.

"Your right." Ron said sounding confused. "None of the ministry was out there. That is really odd. But then again I haven't seen them harassing him much lately."

"Does that mean they're together again?" Mike asked.

"I don't think so. After the way they split the last time, I don't think we'll see them together any time soon." Ron replied.

"Is Undertaker really as bad as all that? I mean outside the ring." Mike wondered aloud.

"I don't know. Until J.J. brought Kane over I would have said yes. But Kane's not like he was in the ring. Not around us anyway. J.J. seemed really comfortable around him." Ron replied.

"This is where it gets confusing. Kane was really an animal in there when he first arrived. He changed and got laid back when he was with DX and friends with X-Pac. Then he got harsh again for a bit, mostly toward X-Pac and DX after they betrayed him. I don't know if he was more relaxed because he was with J.J., but now he's going back to the way he was when he first came in with Paul Bearer." Ron said, almost like he was talking to himself.

"So he's gotten mean again? Isn't that a good thing with his job?" Mike said.

"It's more than that. He's not just mean, it's like he doesn't give a shit anymore. He is taking on more men. He's not leaving when he should. Like tonight when the odds are thirty to one against him." Ron said.

"You think he's trying to get himself hurt?" Mike asked.

"Maybe, but damn I hope not. Even if he and J.J. did have a falling out, no one deserves to get beaten on every day." Ron replied.

"No, we were just planning to do it once." Mike said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Right, then your wife and kids could visit you in ICU." Ron said smiling.

"Me, you'd be there too chum." Mike replied pointing at him.

*DX/Vince*

"Hey Vince what gives? You let that freak leave right after his match, but we have to stay to the end?" Hunter asked, after making sure they had and audience.

Let's see how much we can fuck with him this time. Hunter thought.

Damn it Hunter, he'll have something to say and it won't be good. Vince thought.

"NO I didn't LET him leave. He just walked out." Vince said, turning to walk away.

That should take care of it. Vince thought.

"You're going to set him straight aren't you?" Billy asked.

They're trying to pull something here, but what? Vince realized the second Billy spoke.

"What does it matter to any of you?" Vince asked, already dreading the answer.

"Well if he's going to do whatever he wants some of us might too." Hunter said, trying not to sound threatening. "Then you'd have chaos."

"Yes, I'm going to deal with him." Vince growled.

"You want a little backup? The retard can be a little hard to manage." Hunter asked, knowing Vince had to refuse.

"No, I don't need any backup. I can deal with anything he does." Vince snapped.

"Hey, no offense. I was just trying to help." Hunter said, trying to sound sincere.

Vince didn't say anything, he just walked away.

"Hey Jess." Hunter said once DX was alone. "He's going to be here for a little while yet. When we get back to the hotel hang out in the lobby."

"You want me to follow him don't you?" Jess said, already smiling.

"Right on the money. Watch him and make sure you hear everything that goes on in that room when he 'talks' to Kane." Hunter replied. "We could have some fun with it later."

"Definitely." Jessie said.

*X-Pac*

Getting back to the hotel, X-Pac went directly to his room nursing a headache from Kane's rough handling.

Landing on the ramp headfirst wasn't part of the plan. X-Pac thought, as another wave of pain assaulted him.

"Get a good night's sleep kid. I got you a match at the PPV." Hunter called out to him, as they turned to go out.

I bet I can guess who that is. You've been too nice about that blowup we had. X-Pac thought, as he watched him walk away.

Going into his room he immediately went into the bathroom.

"You've probably got me facing Kane. That means a few days of serious pain afterward and you damn well know it." X-Pac said, having a one sided conversation with an absent Hunter.

"At least you guys will have my back. Of course you'll let me get pounded a bit to remind me where I belong. Then you'll come in and dismantle him again." He said, as he got a drink and sat down on the couch. "It's wrong you know."

"I know why you hate him. He's done something you never could. He embarrassed the Undertaker that day at Badd Blood. He just strolled in, took him on and put him out. Giving Shawn the win. You hate Kane more every time Shawn reminds you of it or talks about his win in the first cage against Undertaker." X-Pac said, continuing the conversation.

"That match is everywhere you look isn't it. It's on every highlight reel and talked about whenever great matches are the topic. It just drives you crazy doesn't it? You were going to use Shawn's loss to maneuver yourself into the leadership of DX. Instead you had to wait all that extra time until Shawn got hurt." X-Pac laughed.

"It burns even more that your 'Leadership' isn't official. You are only the leader because Shawn is out. When he comes back he steps into that slot. That is unless you can do something so incredible that we choose you instead." X-Pac stopped pacing and closed his eyes in thought.

"That's it isn't it. You think if you can get rid of Kane forever that it would be 'the thing'. You really believe Kane's destruction will give you DX on a silver platter." X-Pac thought, realizing for the first time why Hunter was so determined to take Kane out.

"This whole plan was all to show that you could humiliate Undertaker by getting his brother on your side. Then to show how clever you are by getting rid of him once he's no longer of any use. Now you are trying to show your strength and power by eliminating him completely."

"I have to admit as much as I hate you for all you've done. The plan is a solid one. It did everything you wanted it to. But you forgot to include one very big factor. You forgot to add Kane into your plan. He hasn't made any of this easy on you. As a matter of fact I can see things getting a lot harder from here on." He smiled. "Yeah, it's going to get a hell of a lot harder from now on."

Suddenly feeling very tired and disgusted by his part in it all, X-Pac went into the bedroom and lay down.

*Vince/Kane*

Damn it Vince call already asshole. I want to get some sleep. Kane thought, as he paced waiting for Vince to contact him.

A knock on his door startled him.

Who would come to my room? No one does. Kane thought, slipping on a shirt and his mask.

Opening the door, he was surprised to see Vince standing there.

What is he doing here? He always makes me come to him. It's part of making me look like an idiot. Hell he even sends someone as if I wouldn't be able to find the room. Kane thought.

Kane stepped back, both in surprise and to let Vince enter.

Vince didn't even wait for him to close the door.

Take the offensive. If you show you're afraid of him he'll be impossible. Vince told himself, as he walked into the room.

"Who the hell do you think you are? You know everyone stays until the end of the show. That means everyone!" Vince yelled, turning to face Kane.

That's a good start. Keep him off guard. Vince told himself.

Yeah everyone, like when DX leaves they get you knocking on their door too. Kane thought sarcastically.

Kane just stood there and stared a Vince.

Well, now what? I have to keep him going. Keep him from thinking. Vince thought.

"Well damn it answer me. I know you can talk." Vince said.

That's it make demands. He has always followed someone's orders. Vince reminded himself.

When I need to or want to. Kane thought.

Vince reached down and grabbed the amplifier lying on the table.

This thing is disgusting. Vince thought, as he picked up the cold cylindrical object.

What is he doing now? Kane thought, watching Vince bend slightly to pick something up.

"I want an answer." He said, throwing the cylinder at the larger man.

Kane caught it automatically, but didn't bring it up into position.

You wouldn't give a shit why I left. Even if I had a reason you would accept from anyone else, you wouldn't take it from me. Kane thought, looking at Vince.

"I SAID ANSWER ME!" Vince yelled his face turning red.

It hurts more now than before DX fucked up my throat and you're not worth the effort. Kane thought, putting the amplifier down.

Shit he isn't cooperating. Vince thought, suddenly realizing he'd put himself in a dangerous place.

"What are you doing? Are you refusing to answer a direct question from your employer?" Vince said, using what he thought was a threatening voice.

That's it remind him you own his contract. Vince thought frantically.

Again you threaten my job. Aside from killing DX I no longer have any reason to care about any of it. Kane thought, expecting to feel anger but instead feeling nothing.

Kane took a step toward Vince and narrowed his eyes.

This isn't good. Vince thought, automatically looking for an escape.

Vince's eyes widened and he took a step backward.

That's it now you see how badly you fucked up coming here. Kane thought, beginning to enjoy Vince's fear.

Kane took another step tugging on his glove as he moved.

Oh shit I'm screwed. I should have brought someone with me, someone big. Vince thought, regretting his oversight.

"You just stay where you are. If you touch me… so help me you'll regret it." Vince said, beginning to circle toward the door.

You are in no position to make threats. I could snap you in half easily. Kane thought, continuing the pursuit.

Moving closer still, Kane clenched and released his fists.

I have to get out of here and fast before he decides to actually go for me. Vince thought, desperately moving toward the door.

Vince moved closer to the door trying in vain not to look as terrified as he felt.

I have to say something in case one of them is listening. Vince realized, knowing he could be totally humiliated if he didn't.

"You just remember my orders and stay at the arena until the show finishes. Is that understood?" Vince yelled, trying to sound more in control than he was.

Time for you to go Vince. Kane thought, deciding he'd had enough shit from the bastard for today.

This should make him move faster. Kane thought.

Kane stepped forward one last time and made a halfhearted lunge at Vince.

Vince turned, opened the door and was gone it a second.

Bye Vince, have unpleasant dreams. Kane thought, a smile forming behind his mask.


	22. losing the light Chapter 22

Chapter 22

*Vince*

Stepping out Vince tried to look angry instead of scared as he slammed the door.

Please don't let them have seen me running from him. I can't believe I let him intimidate me. Vince thought, suddenly ashamed of his weakness.

*Chuck*

Getting back to the rookie locker room, Chuck took a quick shower. Then grabbed his bag and headed back to the hotel.

Dropping off his bag. Chuck checked his hair and stared at himself in the mirror for a few minutes.

"Not bad after the pounding I took tonight." He said to himself, as he looked for bruising.

Finally pleased with his appearance, he headed downstairs to meet the guys.

When he got there, he that found he was the last to arrive.

"What took you so long?" Shane Helms joked.

"He had to be sure he looked good. Ain't that right Chuck." Eddie Gerrero said.

"Yeah Eddie. Unlike you I can actually manage to look good. You couldn't do it if you spent hours trying." Chuck replied laughing.

"Where are we headed?" Helms asked.

"I know a local place." Chuck said.

"Great, let's get going." Eddie said, anxious to get the fun started.

*Kane*

That no good asshole. He is so lucky that I still need this job. Kane thought, growling silently in frustration.

Sitting down, Kane didn't feel tired anymore. Instead his mind went to the attack earlier on the ramp.

Someone is really stepping up his efforts to eliminate me permanently.

It's got to be Hunter. Kane thought, his eyes narrowing with anger.

How the hell did he get the whole roster out there? What is he offering them to make them want me gone too? Kane wondered.

He sat for a while trying to come up with some answer.

I just don't understand. I still don't even know why Hunter hates me so much. Kane thought.

Sure I gave him a hard time when I first came in with Father. But back then I gave everyone a hard time. Kane said to himself.

From that first day he seemed to seriously dislike me. If I remember right, even before the first time I met him in the ring, he detested me. Kane

That's why I was shocked when he asked me to join DX. I knew something was up and I just kept ignoring him. Then Mark told me to keep clear of Hunter, he ordered me to stay away. That was the deciding factor. I was already so angry with Mark and Father for what they'd done. I would have and did do anything I could to piss them off. That's the real reason I joined DX. Kane remembered, half smiling.

I knew he was playing some game, but so was I. His dislike for me was still obvious. We were playing each other. In the end he won that round. But I didn't leave empty handed. Kane told himself.

I managed to do exactly what I wanted to do. I royally pissed off Father and Mark. I even managed to get in a few really good shots against them both. The pleasure I felt every time I got them repaid just a little of the anger and pain from what they had done to me. But only a little. Kane thought, his smile growing somewhat.

It may even have been worth all the pain that came with DX. If it weren't for X-Pac I wouldn't have a voice now. I wouldn't have any idea what friendship was. Kane thought, trying to sort through his still tangled emotions.

X-Pac did betray me in the end. But I have to think that for at least a little while he was telling the truth. I think for a least a minute that X-Pac was actually my friend. Kane thought.

It was his moments of true friendship that let me see how it was for other people. It allowed me to feel something for Tori. I thought it was something real, but it never was. She was playing me for airtime. If it hadn't been for that, would I have found what I did with J.J.? Both of those relationships were painful in the end. But now I understand why others act the way they do. I know how it feels to really have someone. He told himself, surprised when the thought of J.J. didn't bring as much pain a usual.

It still hurts to be without J.J. But it's not quite as bad now. Maybe someday those memories will be pleasant and not painful. Kane said to himself.

Kane sat staring into space for a few more minutes then finally forced himself to retire for the night.

*J.J.*

Rolling over yet again J.J. tried in vain to get comfortable. Finally giving up, she threw the covers aside and dragged her legs over the side of the bed.

Damn, I am going to be so beat by the end of the day. But I guess it's a good thing today's not the opening. If it were I'd be in deep shit. J.J. thought, as she ran her hands through her hair.

"But I do have a lot to do if I'm leaving first thing Sunday morning." J.J. muttered.

Getting up she headed directly for the shower. Turning it on she left it a little colder than it usually was to wake up.

Let's see, pack all my clothes. Wash any dirty clothes and pack them too. Then have the SUV looked at. I've only had it three months, but there no sense in taking chances. J.J. thought.

"I've had the SUV three months. That means it's been three months since I walked away from Kane. I really should have tried harder. But I was so afraid to embarrass him that I let it just fall apart." J.J. muttered, as she dried off.

Going into the main room J.J. looked around.

"Coffee and breakfast, then I'll start my errands." J.J. told herself, when she saw the amount of packing she'd have to do.

Going out to breakfast, J.J. found a small diner.

This reminds me of all the little diners Kane and I stopped in. J.J. thought, as she took a seat.

She suddenly remembered stopping in Texas.

That was a blast. I was so happy that the waitress actually treated him normal. It was the first time I'd seen that happen. J.J. thought.

I think he finally saw how much the fans liked him too. He seemed surprised that they would come out for just him. As if he were somehow less than the others were. J.J. wondered silently.

He seemed thrilled at the same time. Like it was a real treat for him to get to sign autographs. I didn't really understand that because I'd seen him get stopped plenty of times. J.J. thought, remembering that day with as much detail as she could.

Her food arrived and she ate it mechanically, as her mind flew through memory after memory.

In all the time I knew him he never seemed happy with anything he did. I seemed that he was harder on himself than anyone else could ever be. J.J. thought, feeling sadness well up inside her.

Stop it. You are going to make yourself cry into your eggs. That would be fine if you were back at the hotel but you're not. J.J. berated herself, as she forced the memories aside.

I wonder what Mike and Ron are up to. Neither one of them has called me. I expected to hear from them all the time once they had the number. J.J. thought.

Finishing her meal without having tasted a bite. J.J. paid and went back out to the SUV.

She drove for a little while until she saw a service station.

"Excuse me?" She said, walking into the doorway of the garage.

"Yes what can I do for you." A voice said from under a car.

"Well I hoped you'd be able to take a look at my car. I'm heading for a long trip and wanted to be sure it was in good condition." J.J. said.

"When do you leave?" He asked, as he walked toward her.

"Sunday." She replied.

"Well, I can fit you in later this afternoon. But if it needs work I can't make any guarantees." He said, reaching out to shake her hand.

"By the way I'm Dennis." He said, smiling.

"I'm J.J." She said, taking his hand and shaking it briefly.

"I don't think it will need any work, but old habits die hard." J.J. said with a shrug.

"Ok, well let's take a quick look at her now then." Dennis said.

He walked out of the darkened garage and followed her lead.

"J.J. that thing looks brand new." He said, sounding surprised.

"It almost is. It's only three months old." J.J. replied.

"In that case let me get the Chevy off the lift and we'll look at yours now." He said.

"I don't want to mess up your deadlines. This afternoon is good enough. I'm just glad you can fit me in at all." J.J. said quickly.

"It's no problem, none of these are due to leave until tomorrow anyway." He said. "Besides I don't think yours will take more than thirty minutes."

"If you're sure it's not a problem?" J.J. said, still unsure of jumping ahead of his other customers.

"No problem at all." He replied, moving into the garage and beginning to lower the lift.

After a minute J.J. carefully drove her SUV onto the device. To her surprise he didn't immediately bring it up. Instead he popped the hood and began there.

"I'm just checking your fluids, hoses, and belts." He explained to her, as he worked.

"So how's it look." J.J. said, already knowing the answer.

"Terrible, I'll need to replace everything." He said.

"WHAT!" J.J. practically yelled.

"Yup, it'll all have to go in about a year or five." He said, laughing at her reaction.

"Very funny. You scared me there." J.J. sighed.

He just laughed.

Within minutes the SUV had a clean bill of health.

"Can't find one thing out of place. Even the interior is spotless." Dennis said, while he handed her the keys.

"That's good. How much do I owe you?" She asked, expecting to have a big bill for the rush service.

"Twenty, or let me take you to dinner." He said.

"As flattering as that is.." J.J. said taking out a twenty and handing it to him. "I don't think I'd have time for socializing before I have to go."

Dennis looked crestfallen, as he took the twenty with a halfhearted smile.

"Thanks again." J.J. said, as she started the SUV.

"No problem, come back if you need any more service." Dennis said, as she began to pull away.

*X-Pac*

Waking up X-Pac rolled away from the window and tried to shield his eyes.

"Damn I didn't even drink last night and my head is killing me." He muttered, pulling a pillow over him head in an attempt to hide from the light.

Oh yeah, Kane bounced me down the ramp yesterday when Hunter's plan went down. He thought, as the memory of the night's events came back to him.

Well at least he took me out quick. I didn't have to even touch him. If Hunter ever found out I was mostly playing hurt he'd kill me. X-Pac thought, realizing how much he was beginning to hate what Hunter was doing.

"Wouldn't it be good if I had a concussion and Hunter couldn't make me face Kane."X-Pac thought almost hopefully.

I'm not afraid he'll hurt me. Of that there's no doubt. I just know how angry just seeing me gets him. Every time he looks at me I can see the anger burning, but I can also see pain. I'm tired of doing that to him. I don't want to hurt him anymore, hell I never did. X-Pac told himself, as he rolled out of the bed.

Getting out of the shower, X-Pac called in his breakfast order and looked through the paper.

"If I get out of here early enough I won't have to deal with them at all." He thought, trying to find something to do.

"Hell, if I don't pack much I could stay somewhere else and avoid them until Sunday." He thought, beginning to smile at the thought. "That could just work."

But where should I go. If they find out or find me I need to have a reason to have gone there. He thought, looking more intently at the paper.

After a little while he nodded and got up.

"Screw the paper. I'll just drive until I see something I like and I'll stop." X-Pac said.

If I don't choose a destination then they can't follow me. He thought.

It would go better if all I packed was my wallet. I could buy whatever I need and that way I 'just went for a drive and met this woman'. That would definitely work with Hunter. X-Pac thought.

Picking up his wallet X-Pac put his tray outside and headed downstairs.

He couldn't help but feel the weight lift from his chest as he drove away.

Just knowing I'll have a few days without having to deal with them or their attitude toward people. I won't have to listen to yet another plan for them to hurt or humiliate Kane, at least not for a couple of days anyway. X-Pac thought, smiling as he pulled onto the highway.

*Kane*

Waking up, Kane just lay there staring at the ceiling.

Knock it off. There is no way you can get back at Vince without getting yourself suspended. I don't want to be suspended I want blood. He told himself.

Getting up at last, he ordered breakfast then showered while he waited for it to arrive.

Sitting down his mind went back to the attack.

I didn't see any of the Ministries members out there. Not even in the background watching. Mark must have either kept them away or not known it was going down. I can't imagine anything happening that he didn't know about in advance. So he must have kept them away. Why? It was a great opportunity to 'teach me a lesson'. He rarely misses out on one of those. Kane thought, still trying to make sense of everything that had happened.

Closing his eyes he replayed the scene in his head.

Hunter wasn't there either. At least not when DX came out. He showed up later. Why would the rest of DX be there and not him? Is that when he was leaving my surprise for me? It would make sense for him to make sure I was distracted and keep most of the roster busy so he wouldn't be seen. Kane realized, suddenly seeing things more clearly.

He wouldn't have needed a distraction to get to the car the lots aren't watched that carefully. Kane thought.

Question is how much does the rest of DX know about this part of the plan? Kane wondered.

A knock on the door took him from his thoughts.

He pulled the cart in and tipped the bellman. Then he sat down eating mechanically.

Getting up he headed downstairs. He wandered around a bit then took a seat in the hotel bar.

Even though it was early morning, it didn't take long until some of the guys came wandering in.

"That is soo cool you're gonna be a dad." Duggin said, slapping Haystack across the back.

"Yup, Gonna have me a passel of kids. Always knew I'd have a big family like my folks did.

"Let's hope your wife agrees." Duggin laughed.

Kane sat quietly and listened to the exchange. He listened to their laughter and Duggin's advice to Hacksaw about kids.

After a few minutes J.J. entered his mind.

Would she ever have wanted that with me? Then again I couldn't be a father. I would only hurt the child as father did to me. I couldn't bear to do that. Kane thought for a second.

Idiot! Another part of his mind shouted. What difference does it make? She's gone, you sent her away. Besides J.J. would never allow herself to become pregnant with 'your' seed. Why would she want to bring a monster like you into the world? Part of his mind shouted. Imagine a child having to grow up with you as a parent. What child would not be ashamed to have you for a father?

His mind wandered to his own father and the child hood he'd spent in the basement.

Father always knew I'd be shunned if I came out of that basement. Yet he brought me here. I followed his orders because I was so desperate to get my hands on Mark. I thought he'd somehow protect me from their scorn. He didn't do a thing to help me learn to be around people. Then he turned his back on me, leaving me alone among them. He thought, feeling ashamed that he'd been unable to do for himself.

I didn't know it then but J.J. showed me that I could have had a childhood. I could have been with other people my whole life. Instead father kept me silent and isolated. J.J. could see that he'd had options to help me, but didn't take them. Why? Kane wondered, for the millionth time since he'd realized it could have been different.

He made sure I was completely dependent on him. He used my emotions to control me then he controlled my emotions. He had his own agenda all along, but what part of the puzzle am I? Kane asked himself.

Suddenly realizing that it was quiet, he shook his head to clear it. Looking around he saw that Duggin and his group were gone.

Glancing up at the clock he realized that he'd been sitting there for quite a while.

Kane pulled some money from his wallet and left it on the table as he walked out.

Since then I've seen children come to the signings who's own appearance though damaged it's accepted. They have friends and a normal life in spite of their obvious difference from others. Could I have had that? No, probably not. I'm not like them. It's not just the scars; I'm not normal in other ways. Father was right to keep me locked away. When I did go out the way people stared and treated me was awful. But not as bad as the time they took me from him. Kane thought, shuddering at the memory.

Enough. He told himself.

Going out to his rental he climbed behind the wheel and just started driving aimlessly trying to keep his mind from memories of those days.

*J.J.*

Going back to the hotel, J.J. gathered her dirty clothes and went back out to the SUV. She got to the laundry down the street and smiled seeing the kids running around inside.

As she loaded the washer, her mind once again drifted back to Kane.

Why did he always seem surprised to be included in things? That day he met Ron and the guys he seemed genuinely shocked that they accepted them. I could feel how tense he was when Ron did his 'stunned fan' routine. Kane was waiting to be rejected. When he wasn't he looked confused. When Ron pulled him into that whole 'us against J.J.' routine Kane looked like he was going to burst with happiness. I could see the delight in his eyes to be let into the joking we were doing. J.J. thought, trying to put it together.

With the washer loaded J.J. sat down to wait.

When we got to Mario's he went all still and seemed to be waiting to be told to leave. As I introduced them I could feel Kane stiffen a bit. Looking up I saw confusion and pleasure at the way I'd introduced him. I nearly died when Mario gave him the 'you hurt her' speech. I looked up into his eyes and instead of the confusion and wariness that had been there before, I saw joy. But the surprise at being accepted was still there. I know he's been through a lot, but he's been around people for a while. J.J. thought.

But I've never seen people treat him like he should be treated, normally. J.J. thought.

Then again I've never seen him happy with anything he's done. I seemed that he was harder on himself than anyone else could ever be. As if he was trying to prove to someone that he was good, that he was worthy of being alive. J.J. thought, feeling sadness well up inside her.

Now I think I know see why. He has always been told he's not as good as, he's been degraded and told he's worthless for most of his life. That kind of thing has a way of wreaking havoc with the self-esteem. Low self-esteem could also contribute to his certainty that he'd be rejected. Especially since he's been rejected so often by the few people he's trusted. J.J. thought sadly.

That kind of thing doesn't change on its own. No matter how many good things happen to him or how many times he sees that he's sought. He'll always find a way to give the credit to someone else. I know because I do it all the time. J.J. thought, as she began to change her clothes into the dryers.

When something goes wrong I'm the first to take the blame even if I couldn't have changed anything. But when things go well, or someone gives me credit for a job well done I always deflect it to someone else. 'Really it was nothing… I couldn't have done it without so and so'. I can see myself doing it, I know the credit is mine that I worked really hard, but still I do it. I can never really believe that I'm worth the praise. J.J. thought, knowing that even seeing it doesn't change it.

Getting up J.J. began to pace trying to clear her mind of these thoughts before the tears could begin falling.

Stop it. You know when you start thinking like that you always end up crying. Just think of something else… anything else. J.J. told herself.

*J.J./Ron*

Once back at the hotel, J.J. picked up the cell and dialed Ron's number.

I'd better give them a call before they decided I've disappeared again. J.J. thought, smiling.

"Hey Ron." J.J. said, as he answered the phone.

J.J.! Ron thought happily. I can't sound too excited or she'll know I've been worried about her again.

"Hey yourself." Ron replied. "So how are you?"

"Doing good. How are you?" She asked.

Liar Ron thought. If you were doing damn good, you'd be back here in LA behind your camera and hanging out with friends.

"Seriously J.J., Mike and I were watching last night. I know you were too. How are you really?" Ron asked.

Remember don't push too hard. Just get what you can to help you figure out what's really happening. Ron reminded himself.

Here we go. J.J. thought.

"I'm fine." J.J. replied without much conviction.

You never could lie very well. Ron thought, hearing her deceit through the phone line.

"I know you said you left the job because of Vince. But I also know that isn't the whole truth. Do you want to tell me what happened? Why didn't he come with you?" Ron said, almost afraid she would hang up.

He's been hanging out with Mike too much. He's become suspicious of everything that isn't normal. J.J. thought, knowing she would have to tell him something or hang up.

"Of course he didn't come with me, why would he?" J.J. asked.

She's stalling. Ron realized.

"Because you loved him." Ron replied.

Shit how could he know that? I barely knew that then. J.J. wondered frantically.

"Where did you get that idea?" J.J. asked.

Does she really think she could have hidden that from her friends? Ron wondered with surprise.

"J.J. it was written all over your face when you were here with him. Hell, even Mario saw it." Ron said.

No way I was showing that much. I didn't want anyone to know yet. Not until I knew how Kane felt about it all. In a way I'm glad I didn't tell anyone because I never found out that answer. J.J. thought.

"I didn't realize I'd been that obvious." She said sadly.

Looks like they knew anyway. She thought.

"So, why didn't he come." Ron asked again.

She's still on the line, maybe she's finally ready to let us help her a little. Ron thought hopefully.

"I'd already split with him before I decided to leave. He had no reason to come." J.J. replied at last.

Hopefully that will be enough to satisfy him. I wish he'd let this drop. J.J. thought.

She's still lying. Does she actually think just because we're on the phone I won't be able to tell? Ron wondered.

"How long before you left? Seems to me HE is the real reason you left." Ron said.

He must have had something to do with it. It's too much of a coincidence that she left and won't talk about it. She used to bitch about Carlton all the time. Ron though.

He knows something is up. Does he think Kane made me leave? I have to make sure he doesn't think that. J.J. thought.

"No Ron, it had ended about two weeks before I left." J.J. said, trying to sound confident.

That should make him understand. J.J. thought.

Two weeks, he definitely had something to do with her leaving. But what did he have to do with her breaking her cameras. Ron wondered.

"That's not long enough for it not to have figured into you going." He said.

I should have said longer. But I could never lie to anyone without getting caught. J.J. thought, knowing he still believed Kane was the reason she'd left.

"It was long enough. It had been obvious it was over and that it couldn't be fixed." J.J. said. "I won't say that it didn't add to the reason I left."

That should fix it. J.J. thought. It's not a lie. It was long enough to know it was definitely over and that he would never forgive me or take me back.

That sounds fishy. Something isn't right about that. Ron thought.

"I knew it. He hurt you." Ron said without thinking.

"No he didn't, I was the cause of the breakup not him." J.J. replied, her voice cracking.

Shit that was dumb. Now she's going to hang up. Ron thought.

"But you still watch the show." Ron said, trying to change the subject.

I have to make him understand. J.J. thought, fearing that he and Mike would do something stupid if she didn't.

"I don't hate him Ron. I don't think my feelings for him will ever change. Yes, I do still watch the show." J.J. replied, being purposefully vague.

I could never hate him. My feelings won't ever change. I love him, he's my life and he always will be. J.J. thought, feeling her heart clench in sudden sadness.

"Ok, I can see that is still a sore subject. I'll leave it be." He said quietly.

She's going to keep trying to explain. Ron realized, already seeing that he'd been right, but knowing that J.J. would never admit it.

"Thanks." J.J. replied.

He doesn't sound convinced. But if I keep trying it will be too obvious. J.J. told herself.

"Have you seen Mike lately." J.J. asked.

He's right we do need a change of subject. J.J. thought.

"Yeah, seems he's my new shadow. I've even managed to convert him." Ron said laughing.

Convert him. Ron's got Mike watching wrestling. The only reason he went to the event when we were there is because of his nephews. J.J. thought.

"He was with you last night?" J.J. said, surprised that they would be hanging out together.

"Yeah, we both think that what's happening to him sucks. I can't believe so many of the roster were in on that attack." Ron said. "Oh shit, I'm sorry I said I'd drop that subject."

"No you said you'd drop the 'me leaving' subject. I'm glad it isn't only who sees what's happening and is pissed. Something needs to be done about that before he gets seriously injured." J.J. said, her voice getting harder as she spoke.

"But what. Looks like most of the roster was out there so that leaves precious few to help him. Though Mike pointed out that none of the Ministry was present at the beat down. That kind of surprised us both." Ron said.

"No they weren't there. But then that doesn't surprise me. They haven't really bothered him in a while." J.J. said, realizing she hadn't seen them harass him since their photo shoot.

"Oh, you're probably right. I hadn't realized that." Ron said, sounding bewildered.

They talked for a few more minutes then hung up.

*Chuck*

Chuck woke up with a groan and threw his arm over his eyes.

"Damn it. I swore I'd never get that toasted again and I did it anyway." He muttered softly, but the sound still reverberated painfully in his head.

It's a good thing we don't have to wrestle tonight. I'd never make it. He thought, pulling a pillow over his face.

Not like I have a match. I'm not high enough in the card to be in the PPVs yet. But I will be and soon. He told himself.

"But to get there I have to be bigger and stronger. That means hitting the gym." He told himself, trying to motivate his ass out of bed.

After a few more minutes he managed to do just that. He ordered breakfast while he tried to wake up.

When he'd finished eating, Chuck grabbed is kit and reached inside for a pair of sweats.

"What the hell is this?" He muttered when a tape came out with his shorts.

Reaching down he picked it up and looking at it.

"No name on it." He muttered.

"It's probably just some kind of joke." He said smiling. "Those jerks are always pulling something on me."

He dropped the tape on the table and got changed.

Heading down to the gym he tried to figure out what could be on the tape.

"Probably one of my old matches where I looked like an idiot." He decided finally.

Walking into the gym he forgot about the tape and concentrated on his workout.

*X-Pac*

Driving down the highway X-Pac couldn't help but feel better.

It's amazing what a relief just being away from them is. Once I thought they were my friends. But that's changed. More and more I see the shit they pull and I hate being associated with them. But they're my only hope of ever getting anywhere in this business. Vince's favorites are always the big guys [except Kane]. They're the ones who get the push and the opportunities to be superstars. But somehow that seems to matter less and less as I watch my 'friends' humiliate and hurt other people. X-Pac thought, as he drove down the highway.

"Forget all that for now. You have two days before you have to deal with them again. Question is where to go." X-Pac said quietly, as a smile spread on his face.

He drove for a while subconsciously heading for the next city. He'd almost gotten there when he decided he was hungry and pulled off at the next exit.

This place looks sweet. I bet no one would even notice me here. He thought, debating just staying here until Sunday morning.

"They'd never think of looking for me in such an out of the way place." He thought his decision made.

He drove around a little and found a small seemingly family hotel.

Walking in he looked around.

This place is great. He said to himself, seeing the two huge cactus plants framing the stairway.

"Can I help you?" He heard from the right.

Turning toward the voice his smile grew seeing the guy behind the counter. He was in a plain white T-shirt and blue jeans.

There's nothing fancy about this guy. X-Pac thought, feeling comfortable immediately.

"I sure hope so. I was looking for a room?" X-Pac said, as he approached the man.

"That I can easily do." The guy said with a small laugh.

"My name's Darrel. Before you say it, No I don't have any brothers named Darrel." He said already laughing at X-Pac's reaction.

"I wouldn't dream of bringing that up." X-Pac said, laughing himself. "I guess you've met a lot of 'Newheart' fans."

"More than enough." Darrel said with a wry shake of his head.

"I guess you got it tougher than the last name of Whitman. Only some people make that connection." X-Pac said with a shrug.

"A Walt Whitman reference. That one's different. So Mr. Whitman how long are you staying?" He asked.

"Two nights?" X-Pac replied.

"Sounds good." Darrel said. "Would you mind signing in?"

"No problem." He said reaching for the pen.

Leaning over the book he signed quickly. It wasn't until he'd put down the pen that he realized what he'd written.

He quickly crossed it out and signed again more slowly.

"I've put you in room 3." Darrel said handing him a key. "It's straight up the stairs and the last door on the left."

"Thanks." X-Pac said taking the key and heading upstairs.

Idiot… You don't want people to notice you so you sign your ring name. Let's just hope he either doesn't recognize it or is nice enough not to tell anyone. He thought, berating himself for stupidity.

*Darrel*

Looking down at the book Darrel looked puzzled.

X-Pac? Why would he sign that name? Is it a nickname of some sort? He wondered. Staying for two nights and no luggage? This couldn't have been a planned trip.

What difference does it make he seemed like a nice enough guy. Darrel thought, as he closed the book and put it back under the counter.

"It's not as if this place is a hotbed regarding intrigue. Everyone knows everyone around here. If something happens, or if he causes trouble, I'll know soon enough." Darrel thought.

*Undertaker/Edge*

Where is he going? Except for going to the arena he never leaves the hotels. Well he never did until J.J. I'm surprised he's still doing it. He thought, as he saw Kane pull out of the parking lot.

What is he so focused on? I think he's even forgotten I'm here. Edge thought, watching Undertaker at the window.

The boy's been decidedly off lately. It probably hasn't helped that Hunter has been dogging his every step. Undertaker thought, still staring long after his brother's rental was out of view.

He's been acting really weird since he called us off of Kane and his little girlfriend. Edge thought, trying not to move or draw any attention.

Turning around he looked at Edge.

The boy is getting too curious for his own good. I can almost see the wheels turning behind his eyes. Maybe I've given him too many hints of late. Asked him to do a bit too much spying for me. But he's so damn good at it. Undertaker thought, staring at the blonde.

Oh shit, he's got that look again. It's like he knows what I've been thinking. Does he know I am trying to figure out what's going on between him and Kane. If he does I'm probably in for some serious pain. Edge thought.

"You are dismissed." Undertaker said, glancing toward the door.

Edge got up and left quickly.

Let's just see what he can find out. How much backbone does he really have? He wondered.

There has got to be someone, or some way, I can find out what his intentions for Kane are. He doesn't do anything without a reason and he's been interested in the problems between Kane and DX. He has to be planning something, but what? Edge wondered, as he walked down the hall.

Whatever I do I have to be sure no one finds out. If anyone does they are bound to tell Undertaker if only to gain some small thing for themselves. Edge reminded himself as he turned toward the stairway.


	23. losing the light Chapter 23

Chapter 23

*Paul/Undertaker*

Paul watched the young blonde leave Undertaker's rooms with jealousy burning in his dark eyes.

He used to confide in me. Now he seeks out Edge. He thought, seeing the look of deep thought on Edge's face.

OH YEESSS, he must have told the boy something or he wouldn't look like he was hiding a secret. Paul thought, with a look of revulsion he turned away.

If he only knew what his underlings do with their free time he wouldn't be so trusting of them. Paul thought, remembering some of the things he'd seen in the younger members' luggage.

Paul quietly approached the Phenom's rooms.

Paul took a moment to school his features lest he give away his true thoughts.

"Come in Paul." Undertaker said firmly before the rotund man could even knock.

How did he know anyone was here? How could he know it was me? Paul thought so shocked he was practically paralyzed.

"Well." Undertaker's deep voice intoned from inside the room.

Paul quickly opened the door.

"How…" he started to ask.

"I sensed a presence." The phenom said, interrupting his minion's question.

"But how…" Paul started to say.

"If you would refrain from bathing in cheap cologne I would never have known it was you." Undertaker said, raising his hand.

I would so much prefer if he would bathe in water. The traveling with him wouldn't give me such a headache. No, that's not true his whining voice would still give me the same headache. Undertaker thought, trying to keep his distaste from showing in his features.

Taking a deep breath Undertaker waited knowing there had to be some reason the fat man was standing in his room at dinnertime.

"I was going downstairs when I saw Edge coming out of your room. Was there something you needed? You know I always take care of your personal business myself." Paul said, his second and third chin bouncing as he spoke.

He was no doubt going down again to get something to eat. Undertaker thought, trying to decide how to quickly dispatch him without making him suspicious.

"No nothing you can do. I just had to speak with him about his upcoming match." He said, knowing that would shut Paul up.

He doesn't know a thing about wrestling. He may be a good hand at books and plans, but wrestling is well beyond his scope of understanding, As is personal hygiene. Undertaker thought, when he saw the spots of what appeared to be gravy on his shirt and tie.

*Mike/Ron*

"Yeah," Mike said, answering his personal cell.

"You are beginning to sound like J.J." Ron said.

"I'll take that as a compliment." He answered.

"Ron? What's up?" Mike replied, already worried because Ron was calling during his shift.

Something has to be up if he is calling when he knows I'm on duty. Chris was a Cop he knows how it is. Mike thought.

Shit, he's so suspicious it's like he's expecting bad news. Ron thought, wondering how to chill him out.

"Not much. Wanted to see if you could slip that leash your wife holds and come by tonight." Ron said with a laugh.

He's trying to keep things light? Mike realized.

"Nice really nice. I'm gonna tell her you said that and you won't get no more invitations to dinner." Mike said, returning his laughter.

"OH man don't tell her. I take it back." Ron said quickly.

I hope that worked. I don't want him getting pissed at work. Ron thought.

Enough fooling around, I need to get him to tell me what's happening. Mike thought.

"Is there a problem?" Mike said, suddenly getting serious.

Guess it didn't work after all. But how much do I tell him? Ron wondered.

"No, I just heard from J.J. and wanted to fill you in." Ron replied, becoming serious himself.

That sounds ominous. Mike thought, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Did she actually say something?" Mike asked sounding a little excited.

Maybe she's finally ready to let us back in. Mike thought hopefully.

"She didn't tell me where she is or anything. But she let a little more slip about the circumstances of her departure." Ron said. "I don't want to tell you everything she said on the phone. Just come by if you can."

I know some of it is going to piss him off. I'd rather he was here and not on the job when that happens. Ron thought.

Why won't he tell me? Mike wondered.

"Well after hearing that I'll be over for sure. I don't know what time though." Mike said, sounding determined to find out what was happening.

"I'll be here." Ron replied.

*DX*

"Where the hell is he? It's almost noon. Even he couldn't have slept this late." Hunter growled.

That sorry little shit is up to something. But I'll be damned if he gets away with anything else. Hunter thought, feeling his anger rising.

Shit, he's adding this to X-Pac's total. That boy's going to get killed tomorrow. Chyna thought.

"Hunt, the kid took a hell of a shot yesterday carrying out your plan against Kane." Chyna said. "He didn't get back up afterward. If you remember, we practically had to carry him to the back."

Maybe if he thinks the kid might be hurt, he won't be so pissed. Chyna thought hopefully.

The bitch just don't stop, she's as soft on X-Pac as the kid has become on the retard. I won't stand for this in my group. I decide what goes on here not them, not ever them. Hunter thought angrily.

"Stop defending him all the time! He's not a baby. He knows his responsibilities and if he fucks up he knows the penalty." Hunter said scowling at her.

Fuck I probably just made it worse. But he needs to cut the kid some slack. Chyna thought.

The two stared at each other for a while, neither willing to concede the point.

Don't force this Chyna. I don't want to have to remind you of your place too. Hunter thought, trying to silently tell her to back off.

I shouldn't have said anything with the others there. I should have waited until we were alone. Then he might have actually listened somewhat. Chyna berated herself.

Finally Chyna looked at the floor.

"Go get the kid." Hunter told Billy, as a satisfied smirk spread on his face.

Without any hesitation, Billy got up and headed to the door.

Again the kid pushes. He more than anyone should know how Hunter is. Why does he make things harder on himself? Billy wondered.

Going down the hall he took a deep breath. Then getting to X-Pac's door, he knocked loudly.

Wake up kid. Don't make me cause a scene here. Billy thought, willing the kid to answer.

When there was no response, he raised his fist and pounded on the door.

Come on be here kid, be here. Billy thought angrily.

"Thanks kid, now he's going to be pissed." Billy muttered, knowing the kid couldn't have slept through that racket.

Now what do I do? Hunter is going to flip. Then we're all in for a shitty day. Billy thought with a frustrated sigh.

Billy walked slowly back to Hunter's room, dreading the news he brought.

He knocked once, and then entered.

"Hunter, he ain't there. I pounded loud enough to wake the dead and nothing." Billy said, tensing for Hunter's reaction.

He isn't there! The kid took off without asking? Oh, yeah he's pushing for a beating. Hunter thought.

Fuck, if kid doesn't turn up Hunter's going to make our lives hell. Jess thought.

This isn't good. If he'd been asleep or something I might have been able to help. But not now. Chyna thought, beginning to seriously worry for X-Pac's health.

"Are you kidding me? He ain't there." Hunter shouted, beginning to get up.

I knew it. X-Pac has done it again. Billy thought.

"Not that I could hear. He didn't answer or anything." Billy said, unconsciously taking a step back as Hunter rose.

"You and Jessie get your asses down stairs and get a key." Hunter shouted.

Anything to get away from you right now. Jessie thought.

Maybe Chyna can chill him out before we get back. Billy thought.

Both men quickly exited, even as Hunter took a step away from his seat.

*Hunter/Chyna*

"I'm going to kill that little shit." Hunter growled loudly, as he began to pace.

I'll kill him for this. Now maybe he goes the whole match without assistance. Kane can do a lot of damage in a short amount of time. I'm sure the kid will get the message. Hunter thought, anger practically making his eyes glow.

"Hunter please? Calm down. You know there could be a thousand reasons why he's not in his room." Chyna said.

Reasons? No more like excuses. No matter what happened he could have let one of us know about it before disappearing. Hunter thought.

"None that he can give that would explain why he didn't at least tell someone." Hunter said. "He's playing some kind of game and I'm sick of it."

There has got to be something I can say to diffuse this before someone does something they'll regret. Chyna thought frantically, while his back was turned.

"Hunt, you know he isn't trying to screw you. He knows better. Don't be too hard on him. You know Vince will have a fit if he really gets hurt." Chyna said, trying to appeal to the business side of him.

Please let him see the truth. Let him realize where this could be headed. Chyna thought.

"I don't give a fuck what Vince says! No one defies me, openly or otherwise. He's done both." Hunter yelled, spinning to face the woman.

Shit, maybe just a little more. I can't push too hard or he'll set his mind and be impossible to deal with. She thought, hoping he wasn't already there.

"So you want him to fire some of us and force DX to be disbanded?" Chyna said.

That's it Chyna push a little more and you'll eat my fist. Hunter thought.

"No of course not. Not that he could." Hunter said, not backing down an inch.

He knows Shawn would be pissed if that happened. For all that he thinks he's in charge one word from Shawn and he'd know better. Chyna thought. Shawn would never stand by and let the kid get hurt, much less plan it.

I can't let that happen until Shawn is out of the picture. Then once they are really mine they won't dare talk to me this way. Hunter thought, realizing he'd have to play things a little closer to the vest.

Got him. Chyna thought, seeing the change in his eyes.

*The Outlaws*

"Damn it. X-Pac has already pissed him off, now he's playing games." Jessie said angrily.

"Forget Kane, I'm going to kick his sorry little ass. A pissed Hunter is just what we need." Billy added.

With a little convincing they got the key to X-Pac's room and headed back upstairs.

"I don't know about you, but I'm going to X-Pac's room first. I don't want Hunter getting pissed that he had to tell us to." Billy said.

"Count me in. I just hope he doesn't get pissed because he wanted to be the one to do it." Jessie said with a shrug.

"I know. Sometimes you just can't will with him." Billy said.

*Pete*

"Maybe now that we're not at the arena, Kane will be willing to talk to me." Pete thought, as he closed the door behind him.

I should have found out what room he was in last night. Pete thought, as he walked down to the elevator.

Getting down to the lobby, it wasn't hard for him to get the room number.

It was only a little lie, I mean technically I am checking on his condition. Pete told himself, as he headed back upstairs.

*Ministry*

"It is acceptable that DX chooses to continue their attacks on Kane. But the Attacks bought or blackmailed from others on the roster stop." Undertaker said, his voice firm.

All eyes widened in surprise at the Undertakers announcement.

He's protecting Kane? Edge thought.

Christian just stared open mouthed at his leader.

"I want to know who Hunter has in his pocket." Undertaker said with a violent edge to his voice.

He looked around at his followers, carefully noting their expressions.

"How can we get that information without everyone knowing what we're doing?" Faarooq asked, already stiffening for the Undertaker's anger.

No way they do it without people noticing. Undertaker thought. Especially Paul, he's incapable of surreptitious movement.

"Be discreet." Undertaker replied.

That's a lot of help. Faarooq thought.

"I want that list within a week." Undertaker said. "As always there will be a reward for the best results."

That should do nicely. He thought, keeping his face impassive.

How do I stop this? If it succeeds that's one step closer to reconciliation. I cannot allow it. Paul thought, his anger at the situation quickly rising.

"You are dismissed." Undertaker said, after enjoying their discomfort for a few moments.

Outlaws

Opening Xpac's door they took quick look around.

"Well you were right he ain't here." Jessie said.

"It doesn't look like he left for good all his stuff is still here." Billy replied.

"Maybe he just went out for a ride this morning. He does have his own rental this time."

"How do you know that?" billy asked

"Cause he didn't ride with the rest of us moron" Jessie replied.

"Hunter ain't gonna like this." Billy said.

"Nope, not one bit." Jessie replied

*Pete/Kane*

Walking to Kane's room Pete knocked then waited impatiently for an answer

Who could that be? Kane wondered as he headed to answer the door.

Opening the door he saw the trainer and quickly slammed the door shut again.

"This won't work Kane I'll stay out here all night if I have to." Pete said as he began pounding on the door.

No him standing out there isn't good. Someone might see and take it out on his family. I have to get rid of him.

Taking the time to write something down Kane opened the door and as Pete stepped forward to talk again Kane shoved the crumpled paper into his mouth to shut him up then turned and began striding down the hallway closing the door behind him.

"Ka… Pete began before he was quickly silenced by a ball of wadded up paper. Before he could recover from that Kane was already down the hall.

Pulling the paper from his mouth he opened it hoping for some clue as to what was happening.

Stay away for own good

That makes no sense I don't think he would hurt me he never has in the past. Why would he tell me to stay away for my own good? Pete wondered looking in the direction Kane had disappeared.

I still don't understand how Kane big as he is can disappear so fast. Pete thought turning toward his own room still holding the piece of paper.

*Kane*

Now where the hell do I go? Pete will only trap me in my room again if I go back. Kane thought to himself as he slipped out of the stairway on the ground floor.

I'll just drive around and do a little sightseeing as J.J. used to call it.

*DX*

"Well" Hunter demanded when Billy and Jessie walked into the room.

"He ain't there." Billy said hesitantly

"But he didn't go far." Jessie added quickly "His stuff is still there."

"That's fine. He wants to take off, we'll just make sure he knows where he belongs." Hunter said with and evil grin.

*Kane*

Driving around Kane found himself farther and farther outside of town until he was nearly the only car on the road. Then he stopped on the side of the road and just looked around staring. I've got to get things worked out. He thought. I have to find out what DX has planned and why my brother has helped me lately. Kane thought trying to get his thoughts in order. The more he thought the more confusing things got. It just doesn't make any sense. The tapes clearly want me to stay away from Pete but if DX wants me out so bad they would want me to have to see Pete because I'm injured. Mark has the ministry almost watching my back, but he's wanted me out just as much as Hunter does. Or did he? Does he still want me in the ministry is that why he's helping me? If so that still doesn't explain the latest series of tapes, who could have gotten that kind of footage? Who has the time?

Finally with no more answers and a lot more frustration than he started with Kane headed back into town.

"Well the little freak lover hasn't come back all day." Hunter said as evening came on. "I'm going out you guys stay here at the hotel and see if he shows up.

"But we wanted to go out." Billy whined.

"I said you stay here. Hang out in the bar make sure the little shit doesn't sneak back in." Hunter growled.

Chyna stared at Billy silently telling him to back off or he would be the next one getting a lesson.

Billy nodded without another word.

*Kane*

Driving back to the hotel Kane saw a little dive of a bar called Ray's Tap and decided to step inside for a bit. Parking his rental near the side of the bar he went in and quickly made himself disappear into a shadow at the back of the bar.

*Melissa/Kane*

Watching the large shadow enter the bar Melissa was surprised when he managed to get to the back without ever showing his face. Heading back toward him she tried to put on her best smile though there was something about him that made her nervous.

When she reached him she noticed that even up close she couldn't get a good look at his face because of the corner he'd chosen to sit in.

"What can I get you?" She asked still getting a feeling of nervousness she usually didn't' have around even the biggest of customers.

Bringing his amplifier up Kane responded "beer and shot" in a gruff voice.

Damn he even sounds scary almost robot like creepy. Melissa thought, quickly moving away to get his order.

*Hunter*

Now for a bootie call. Hunter thought as he left the hotel. I just have to find some out of the way place where I will not really be recognized but my good looks will get me what I want.

Driving around a bit he saw a little place called Ray's Tap.

This will do nicely. The waitresses of the little dives always go for me.

Getting inside he was pleasantly pleased to see a young lady in an apron waiting tables.

She's pretty hot guess she'll be the lucky one tonight.

Taking a seat Hunter turned on the charm, smiling and tipping well. Before long he had the young waitress eating out of his hand.

*Melissa/Hunter*

Wow, she thought seeing another huge man enter the bar. This is sure the night for the big ones. She watched as the second man stepped into the light and purposefully strode to a table.

He's cute, she thought and doesn't give me the creeps like the other big guy does. Going to the newcomer's table she smiled took his order. Then after getting it stood and chatted with him for a bit.

"Seems like a slow night." Hunter said looking at the young woman's name plate. "Melissa why don't you have a seat."

"I have other tables." She said giggling.

"Why don't you go check on them and make sure they won't need you for a while then we can chat." Hunter said, with a convincing smile.

"I guess I could do that." She said giggling again. But glancing nervously back in Kane's direction.

"That guy back there bothering you melissa?" Hunter asked seeing her nervous glance.

"No he just scares me is all." Melissa said glancing back there again.

"Should I have a word with him?" Hunter asked knowing his playing her hero would take him one step closer to what he wanted.

"no, no…" she replied quickly. "I just check my tables then I'll be back."

Hunter looked toward the dark corner trying to see who could be making the girl so nervous but could see nothing but a shadow. A rather large shadow.

If he gives her a hard time I'll intercede but I don't want to get involved if I don't have to he looks big. Hunter thought, not wanting to bite off more than he could chew.

In a few moments Melissa was back and took a seat with Hunter.

When Melissa came back they sat and chatted. With Hunter flirting and touching her constantly telling her how beautiful she was. He let it slip that he was a wrestler and a well-known one. Though she didn't follow wrestling herself when he repeated his name she knew it as he was a favorite of her brother.

"Um… she said giggling. "I have to check my tables again. But then I have a break and I'm gonna go outside for a smoke. If I got you some paper do you think I could get your autograph for my brother?"

"I'll do better than that. I'll go out with you and get you an autographed picture from my rental." Hunter said seizing the excuse to go outside with her.

"That would be terrific." Melissa said.

Moving quickly she checked her tables including Kane's. Then hurried away.

*Kane*

Looks like they're getting friendly no way I get out of here now without him seeing me. Kane thought. I hoped he'd have a quick drink and go but not Hunter he's gotta make time with the waitress.

Kane watched as they slipped out the door together.

This may be my chance, if I have to see him it's better done outside where nothing can be broken.

*Hunter/Melissa*

Once outside Hunter made his move. He pulled her against him and began to kiss her.

"Wait we'll get caught…" Melissa moaned into hunter's mouth.

"let's move down here then." Hunter said moving them to a darker area.

Continuing to kiss her he leaned her back against an suv and let his hands begin to roam.

His hand finally reaching her core and finding her wet.

*Kane*

I can't wait all night for her to come back in. Kane thought sitting there getting more and more aggravated. Finally unwilling to wait any longer he got up and left a few bills on the table. Then he left once more keeping to the shadows. And letting his long hair cover his mask.

That's what is taking them so long he thought seeing them getting it on in the parking lot.

Not willing to watch them finish Kane went to his car.

*Hunter/melissa/ Kane*

Turning Melissa around Hunter leaned her forward against the SUV and prepared to enter her from behind.

Kane got into his SUV and turned on the lights then just for good measure laid on the horn.

Melissa flew into the standing position bashing her head into Hunter's face and screamed when she saw the huge man from the bar sitting behind the wheel of the car she was leaning on.

Hunter's hands flew to his face covering his now broken nose.

Melissa stepped backward away from the SUV and managed to tangle her legs with a now moving Hunter sending them both to the ground.

Kane slammed the door started the SUV and threw it into reverse pulling out quickly and covering them both in dirt and debris.

Melissa finally found the footing and got up running back into the bar.

*Hunter / Melissa / crowd*

Hunter gained his footing a second later and shoving himself back into his pants he quickly zipped up.

"Ow SHIT!" Hunter gasped, having yanked a handful of pubic hair into is zipper as he closed it.

He stopped holding himself for a second until that pain eased. Then tried to catch up with Melissa.

No telling what she's saying in there. Hunter thought.

"Melissa he began as he entered the bar."

"This the guy?" One of the crowd said.

"Listen, it's now what you think. It was all that freak's fault." Hunter stuttered, backing away from the crowd.

"Not what we heard." The bartender said, without a hint of humor.

"Really, can't we work something out?" Hunter asked backing up further and finding himself trapped.

Shit there is no way out of this. Hunter thought, becoming more nervous by the second.

"Melissa sweetheart, you know I didn't do anything wrong." He said, hoping she would save him.

"I don't know what sick game you and him were playing. I told you I was afraid of him, and you set me up to piss him off. He could have hurt me." She said stepping closer and closer.

"Fuck!" he yelled, his eyes crossing as she buried her knee in his crotch.

Oh, thank god. Hunter thought hearing the sirens while fighting to stay on his feet. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! That really hurts.

The crowd parted to allow the officers to enter.

"Is this the guy?" Hunter heard, unable to focus on the speaker.

"Yeah, that's him." Melissa said.

One of them took his name and basic information.

I never thought I'd be happy to see cops. Hunter thought.

The other talked to the crowd.

"What seems to be the problem?" The officer asked.

"I'm not really sure. I just know that Melissa came in screaming." The bartender said. "When we came out we found this guy."

"Melissa did he hurt you?" The cop asked.

"No, him and his friend just scared the hell out of me. They'd already called the cops and headed out here before I could explain." She replied.

But that isn't… Hunter started to open his mouth to interrupt, but decided silence was probably better.

"Do you want to press charges young lady?" He asked.

"No, I just want him gone." She replied.

"How about you? Do you want to press charges against these boys?" He asked Hunter, seeing his condition.

"Hey Now! We never touched him." The bartender said quickly.

"Then I suppose he beat himself up?" The police said sarcastically.

"Actually," Melissa said sheepishly. "I did that to him."

"Ok, In that case do you want to press charges against her?" The officer asked trying to keep a straight face.

Like I'm letting anyone know a girl did this to me. Hunter thought.

"No, it was just a misunderstanding." Hunter answered quickly.

"Good, then let's break this up." The officer said indicating that everyone should disburse.

Hunter walked painfully back to his rental.

*Tori/Kane*

Where is he? He must have gotten hurt. Tori thought, pacing back and forth in the lobby.

As she paced, Tori kept her eyes on the entrance. She was determined not to miss his arrival.

I have to tell him what Chyna and those Outlaws did tonight. I'll show him that I'm the only loyal one. She thought full of self-satisfaction.

She's waiting for Hunter. Kane realized the second he saw Tori in the lobby.

Oh no! Tori thought fearfully when she saw Kane. Maybe I should have waited upstairs.

If she's waiting for him, she'll be here a very long time. Kane thought, remembering the sirens as he'd left.

What's he doing out? He never goes anywhere. Tori wondered angrily. He's probably the reason Hunter isn't here.

Looking at Tori, Kane couldn't help but feel a flare of anger at what she'd done.

He looks mad! Tori thought, beginning to back toward the desk for protection.

Kane faked a charge at her making her jump away.

"AAAh" She yelped as she fell.

Kane couldn't help but laugh silently when her sudden movement tripped her up.

Don't you dare laugh at me! Tori thought, trying to untangle her limbs and get up with some shred of dignity.

Still shaking with silent laughter, Kane stepped into the elevator.

*J.J.*

Damn that took longer than I expected. J.J. thought, when she'd finally packed away the last of her things.

I'll just get them into the SUV, that way I can leave first thing in the morning without having to pack. J.J. thought.

"Now for some food." She said smiling, as she locked up the SUV.

I think I'll head down to the pizza parlor. She decided.

As she walked the streets, she enjoyed the atmosphere the town possessed.

Maybe once I get my life in some semblance of order I'll come back. She thought, knowing she'd want to see Sandy and Roger again.

Finally feeling more relaxed from the night air J.J. headed to the restaurant.

As she entered J.J. noticed that the WWF seemed to be a big topic among the younger crowd.

Some of them must have tickets. I bet they can't wait to see it tomorrow night. J.J. thought, remembering the excitement she felt emanating from the crowd at every show.

I'm glad none of the guys had singings anywhere near here. If they did it would be nearly impossible to avoid them in such a small town. J.J. thought, giving silent thanks that it was true.

After picking up her pie, she headed back to the Red Roof.

*X-Pac*

Waking the next morning, X-Pac stretched and gave a mighty yawn.

It's been a while since I've slept this good. He thought with a sigh.

There was no late night with Hunter, no drinking and no arguments. Peace, that's all I wanted just a day of peace. He thought with a sigh of contentment.

"When Kane and I were together I got plenty of peace. There was no stress, no demands and no aggravation." X-Pac muttered.

"It was perfect, until I let the rumors of my weakness get to me. I was ashamed that people thought he always had to rescue me. Kane tried to tell me it wasn't true, that I was taking on men his size and winning. But I didn't listen. I'm such an idiot." He said, an angry edge to his voice.

Walking over to the window, X-Pac stretched again trying to loosen his stiff neck.

No doubt about it, I'm staying another day. I'll meet them at the hotel in the next town. X-Pac thought, unwilling to give up the quiet so soon.

J.J.

****Dreaming****

"Where am I?" J.J. wondered, as she walked down a barren hallway.

Suddenly, she was standing in front of a large man.

"Who are you?" She asked, unable to see his face.

He's a wrestler that's for sure. J.J. thought looking at his size.

Unexpectedly he began to laugh.

"Look." He said, displaying bloody hands.

He stepped aside as he started laughing again.

"Who's Blood?" J.J. demanded, already fearing it was Kane's

The scene repeated over and over. Each time she could tell it was a different wrestler, but she couldn't recognize their voices.

Then she saw it.

It looks like someone had a hell of a fight here. She thought, seeing the blood spatter and footprints on the ground.

She began to follow the trail leading away from the scene.

J.J.'s stomach twisted with anxiety walked.

No please no. J.J. began repeating both in the dream and as she lay upon the bed.

The droplets became smears on the walls indicating that the person was now using the walls to stay upright.

Tears slipped from her eyes, as she lay twitching slightly in her sleep.

Then the trail stopped at a door. From the evidence before her J.J. could see that the person had leaned against the door while fighting to open it.

So much blood. J.J. thought looking at the door.

A cry escaped her lips when she saw the nameplate on the door. KANE it read, making her sick to her stomach at the thought of Kane being hurt so badly.

Her eyes widened as she saw an ever-enlarging pool of the dark liquid beginning to seep from beneath the door.

Without further hesitation, J.J. grabbed the door handle and tried to open it. But it was too slick for her to get a grip. Screaming, she began to pound on the door.

****End Dream****

She woke suddenly with a scream trapped behind her teeth.


	24. losing the light Chapter 24

Chapter 24

*Kane*

Getting back up to his room, Kane heard it immediately.

It sounds like Duggin's family has joined him. He thought, hearing a baby cry and a little voice laughing.

Moving into his room, Kane flopped onto the couch.

Closing his eyes for a second he removed his mask. Then he scrubbed his hands through his hair.

J.J. would have loved what happened tonight. She would have laughed and been so thrilled for me. Kane thought, imagining the look on her face.

A loud burst of childish laughter from the other room made him smile.

Laying his head on the back of the couch Kane relaxed.

***Dreaming***

Kane found himself sitting beside J.J. in what seemed like another hotel room.

J.J. kept looking at him and smiling, then turning away.

What is she up to now? Kane wondered, amused by her behavior.

"Tell me." He heard himself rasp.

J.J. just shook her head and giggled.

"Better tell." He whispered gruffly, leaning closer to her.

Again she just laughed. Then she tried to pull away.

Kane didn't let her. Instead he pulled her up against his side.

J.J. struggled laughing the whole time.

Finally he held her close and began tickling her.

"Oh, don't please stop." J.J. laughed struggling in his arms.

He didn't let up, but joined in her laughter.

"Ok, Ok daddy stop." J.J. yelled, unable to take any more.

Kane stopped immediately.

Did she just call me daddy? Kane wondered shocked.

Turning her loose, he looked at her. Cocking his head unconsciously in confusion.

Then with a shaky hand, Kane brought his amplifier up.

"Daddy?" He questioned.

J.J. pulled away slightly and smiled.

Then taking his hand, she lay it on her belly.

A baby! She's going to have my baby? Kane thought, suddenly feeling as if he were falling.

"I'm sorry. I know we should have talked about it but I…" J.J. began.

Suddenly able to move again, Kane stood pulling her up into his arms. Holding her tightly, he wished he could say the things he felt. But he knew he'd never be able to speak the words.

Then just as suddenly as he'd swept her up, he placed her gingerly back on her feet.

Shit! You idiot you'll hurt the baby. Kane berated himself.

Once he was sure she was steady. He stepped back and looked worriedly into her eyes. Then looked down at her stomach.

Did I hurt you or the baby? He silently asked.

"It's ok baby. You can hug me all you want. It'll be awhile before we'll even really see any change. The doctor will let me know when I need to start being careful." J.J. said smiling at his concern.

Still desperately needing to say something, anything to tell her how thrilled he was. Kane reached for his box.

***End Dream***

Lying there, Kane stared at the ceiling.

We've been apart for months now. Yet she still haunts my every moment asleep and awake. Kane thought, his eyes filling unnoticed.

Every moment I'm awake, memories of her fill my mind. When I sleep she brings me dreams of things that can never be. He thought, surprised to be feeling sadness and not anger.

If it doesn't stop soon I'm go crazy. He thought, pushing himself to his feet.

It's still early. Kane thought, trying to put his mind on anything to keep J.J. out.

*Chuck*

I have to thank those guys for the tape. But I still don't know who it was that left it for me. Chuck thought.

Pulling the tape from the machine, he started to head out to confront the guys. At the last second he put the tape away and reached for the phone.

"Hey Eddie, you and the guys want to come down. We'll find something to do." Chuck said, knowing his roommate wouldn't be back until late, if at all.

"Sure, I'll see who's around." Eddie said.

A few minutes later Eddie, Sean Helms and a few of the other young guys showed up.

"So what changed your mind. I thought you were gonna have a 'quiet' day and just chill." Helms said.

"Nothing much. I got bored." Chuck said, much to Eddie's amusement.

"What would you do without your homies." Eddie said laughing.

"Well I wouldn't get my balls busted half as much." Chuck replied much to everyone's amusement.

"So we playing poker?" Eddie asked.

"NO WAY!" Chuck and Helms said together, with the others nodding in agreement.

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because somehow you ALWAYS walk away with all the money." Chuck said, looking suspiciously at the older man.

"That's the real reason he hangs with us rookies." Helms said, looking at the other rookies and laughing. "So he can fleece us."

"Are you calling me a cheater?" Eddie asked, looking at them.

"Yes." They chorused.

"WHAT?" Eddie yelled, even as he started laughing.

The others immediately joined him.

"So cards are out, what else we got?" Helms asked.

"There's always liquor." Eddie said. "We could hit the bar."

Are they serious? Who ever pulled this prank is very good at keeping a secret. If it were me I'd be laughing my ass off. Chuck thought.

"Sure." Chuck said with a shrug.

He's acting a bit odd. But then again he is Chuck… he is odd. Shane Helms thought.

"What's going on?" Helms asked.

"Not a thing Shane, not a thing." Chuck replied.

I'll just have to get them good and drunk, then they'll spill. Chuck thought.

"Then let's get moving." Eddie said, anxious to get the party started.

They drank and busted each other's chops for a while.

They should be drunk enough by now. Chuck thought after a couple of hours.

"So which one of you did it?" Chuck asked.

"Did what?" Eddie asked obviously confused.

"The tape." Chuck said, exasperated that they were still playing.

"What tape?" Eddie said, now looking even more confused.

"Yeah, like you don't know. You probably put it in my bag." Chuck said.

"What are you two arguing about now?" Helms asked.

"He thinks I put some tape in his bag. But I don't know what he's talking about." Eddie explained, with a liquor thickened Mexican accent.

I can't believe they still aren't owning up to it. Could they really not know about it? Chuck thought, the alcohol making his thinking a little fuzzy.

"You don't seem to upset about whatever was left for you. So what's the problem?" Helms said. "Before you say anything it wasn't me either."

"I never said I was mad about it. I just wanted to know who'd put it there." Chuck said smiling.

"Wasn't me. If I was gonna mess with you, it would be in the open where everyone could enjoy it." Eddie said.

"Same here." Helms laughed. "So what was it?"

"It was someone's homemade porno. Damn thing was hot as hell." Chuck said.

"This we gotta see." Eddie said. "You was planning on lending it to us wasn't you?"

"Sure. It's not like it's mine. But since someone put it in my bag I guess it is." Chuck said, his smile growing.

"Awesome." Eddie said.

They finished their drinks and headed upstairs.

After giving the tape to Eddie, Chuck crawled into bed.

*Pete*

Sitting in the hotel bar, Pete tried to keep track of what his friends were saying. But his mind kept going back to his last encounter with Kane.

Why would he be so different? Even if he decided he didn't believe me about wanting to be his friend. Surely that wouldn't justify his sudden need to keep me far away. It's not like he seeks me out. If anything he's avoiding me more than ever. When I do get near him, it's like I have the plague or something. He instantly want's me gone. Pete thought, his mind replaying their last few encounters.

"Pete." He heard, accompanied by an elbow in the side.

"Huh, what?…" Pete stuttered, realizing he'd drifted away.

"I asked if you thought X-Pac had a chance against Kane, or should we have EMTs right behind the curtain." Seth said.

"Couldn't tell you. DX is likely to jump in before X-Pac can get hurt. They always have in the past. It's more likely that Kane will need the EMTs, if the Refs can't get out there to stop DX." Pete said.

"Right, like that nutcase would let EMTs anywhere near him. I'm beginning to believe everyone is right… he likes the pain." Seth said.

You ASSHOLE! Pete thought instantly enraged.

Even as the words left Seth's mouth, Pete was already halfway across the table.

Every time Kane is mentioned this ass wipe has to make some disgusting remark. It must make him feel real big to badmouth someone behind their back. I guarantee he'd never say anything like that if Kane were here. Pete thought, as he pinned the man to the wall.

"I'm sick of this bullshit Seth. He's never done anything to you. Hell DX has done more to mess with everyone than he ever did. But you don't badmouth them." Pete shouted at a trapped Seth.

Pete could feel the others pulling him away.

"You're as crazy as that monster. What is wrong with you? Are you in love with him or something?" Seth yelled.

In love with him, where does he come up with this bullshit? Pete wondered

"What is it Seth? Are you so scared of him, that you have to drive him down constantly? Is that it? Let me tell you something. The way you talk, you should be afraid. But not of him, you should fear ME. No one talks about my friends like that, NO ONE! Remember what he did to KING. It may take me longer but you'll be hurting, that I can promise." Pete said through clenched teeth.

They finally managed to pull Pete far enough away to free Seth.

"Go Seth, we can't hold him for long." Pete heard one of them say.

"Why should I go, he's the one who attacked me." Seth whined

"Because it was your mouth that started this, so leave before we let him go." He heard, this time recognizing the speaker as Dan.

"Fine, but I still say he's sticking up for that freak for a reason." Seth said loudly, as he walked away.

He didn't hear a word I said. Pete realized as Seth walked away.

"What was that?" Sam asked, once Seth was out of sight.

"I'm sick of people running the guy down. I've been here since he first arrived and he's never gotten a fair shake. From day one he was treated like shit." Pete said, still sounding angry.

"That still doesn't explain what just happened." Dan said.

"We've become friends over the last few years. I've found a lot more behind that mask than anyone in this company have ever given him credit for." Pete said, knowing that they wouldn't understand.

"I don't get it." Sam said.

"I didn't think you would. Try watching him once in a while. You may see something you'd never expect." Pete said almost absently.

Lately thought it's like he's changed. He's worse than he ever was before. Could it be because of J.J.? Did he somehow find out I've been talking to her. Does he think I've betrayed him? Pete wondered.

Just then he looked up and saw Kane enter the lobby. He was surprised to see him fake a charge at Tori to make her freak.

He wasn't usually like that. He kept to himself unless he was approached. Even then he'd be mostly unresponsive. Something is definitely up with him. I'll have to look into it. If I can figure out what's changed, maybe I can help him out of it. Pete thought, absently getting up.

"Pete?" Dan asked.

"I have to go. Thanks for keeping me from killing him. We'll need him tomorrow." Pete said, looking down and forcing a smile.

*Hunter/Tori*

I can't go back to the hotel looking like this. Hunter thought.

He began looking for a gas station. Once he'd found one, it didn't take him long to wash away the dirt and blood.

I still look like shit. He thought, seeing his rapidly swelling eyes and obviously broken nose.

How am I going to explain this? I'll look like a fool if I tell anyone the truth. Not only did the freak get me. Because of him, a woman accidentally injured me. He thought, growing angry again that Kane had really gotten him good.

Getting back behind the wheel of his rental. Hunter was still fuming and trying to come up with a cover story.

I hope the lobby is empty. I wouldn't want to have anyone see me before I can explain this. He thought, as she pulled up in front of the hotel.

"Shit." He muttered, when he saw Tori waiting for him.

"Oh Hunter." She screeched, running toward him.

Hunter raised his hands to ward her off.

He looks terrible. I knew he'd been hurt. Tori thought.

"What happened? You look terrible, maybe we should call you an ambulance." Tori whined.

"Go to your room Tori." Hunter ordered.

That's just what I need, her voice on top of this killer headache. He thought tiredly.

Why is he sending me away? I've been waiting for him. He has to know what they did. Tori thought, seeing her opportunity to secure her position disappearing quickly.

"But I've been waiting. You wouldn't believe what…" She said quickly.

"I said get upstairs. I don't want to hear another sound. Just do it." Hunter growled.

Oh no. Now I've managed to make him mad. How am I going to fix this? Tori wondered, even as she rushed to fulfill his demand.

That's one less problem to deal with. She's stupid enough to fall for any excuse I give her. Hunter thought, still wondering how to explain is injuries.

Making his way to his room, Hunter kept his head down so anyone passing by wouldn't see what he looked like.

Staring at his countenance in the mirror, Hunter tried to determine just how bad the damage was.

"It really looks bad. But it'll be worse tomorrow. I'll just say I got in a bar fight. Or better yet I'll say the freak did it. I'll tell everyone he pulled a sneak attack with a two by four and then ran." He thought, immediately realizing the brilliance of his last idea.

That will work perfectly. A sneak attack. I never saw it coming and he was gone before I could get my hands on him. He thought, with a final nod to his reflection.

It's not like he can deny it. Even if he did Vince would never believe him. Hunter thought, as he stepped into the shower.

*J.J.*

Waking up J.J. smiled.

Today's the day. I can't wait to see Sandy's face when the crowd comes pouring in. J.J. thought, knowing she'd spend most of the day trying to keep Sandy calm.

Still smiling, J.J. got ready and headed out.

"Sandy!" She said.

"Hi J.J." Sandy answered without turning around.

"What are you doing?" J.J. asked sharply.

She sounds angry? I wonder why. Sandy thought.

Maybe she can help me convince Sandy to stop. Roger thought hopefully.

"She's scrubbing the sink for the second time." Roger said, as he entered the room.

Oh no, it's worse than I thought it would be. I gotta get her outa here. J.J. thought, her mind already on overdrive looking for someplace to go.

"WHAT!" J.J. asked, unable to believe her ears.

"Well she's already washed and ironed every tablecloth and napkin in the place. Before that she scrubbed every table and chair." He said. "I managed to stop her from doing the floors."

She's done all that. It must have taken her hours. J.J. thought, realizing Sandy was beyond normal nervousness.

"Roger has she been up all night?" J.J. asked surprised.

Good she sounds like she's going to stop this madness. Roger thought feeling some relief.

"Yes she has." Roger told her.

"Sandy what is wrong with you?" J.J. asked.

"Nothing, I'm just nervous." Sandy answered.

"I know." Roger said. "But you're going to be exhausted if you keep this up."

He's right, and if she's exhausted she's going to be even more stressed tonight. J.J. thought.

"I have an idea. Roger do you thing you think you can handle everything for a while?" J.J. asked.

Why would she ask that? I have too much to do. I can't leave, I can't. Sandy thought, already coming up with reasons to stay.

"I can't leave. We're expecting the caterer, the flowers and the musicians." Sandy said in a rush before Roger could even answer.

"Baby I know where everything is supposed to go. I can handle it." Roger said.

That's good. But she'll still be worried it isn't right and she won't have time to fix it. J.J. thought, trying to come up with the answer to the impending crisis.

"Yeah Sandy, let him take care of this. I promise we'll be back in plenty of time for you to make any changes." J.J. said.

Now I really can't fight them. Tag teamed again by these two. Sandy thought, knowing further argument was probably useless.

"Where are we going?" Sandy asked warily.

"It's a surprise." J.J. said with a wicked smile.

I have got to get her at least smiling. Roger thought, knowing that was the first step in dealing with his wife.

"That's it Sandy… Put away the scrub brush. Now carefully step away from the sink." Roger said jokingly.

"Roger have I told you lately what a jerk you are?" Sandy asked, turning to face him with a smile.

"Not for about an hour… but I love you too." He replied. "Now get out."

J.J. walked over and threw her arm over Sandy's shoulder.

"I'm going to take you out and help you relax. That way you'll be able to enjoy tonight." J.J. said, leading her out the back door.

"This really isn't a good idea." Sandy said, but she didn't resist.

J.J. got sandy into a cab and gave the driver the address.

"Now close your eyes and no peeking." J.J. said.

"This is ridiculous. I have way too much to do." Sandy said, but she closed her eyes anyway.

After a little while the cab stopped.

"Can I open my eyes yet?" Sandy asked.

"Not yet, I'll tell you when." J.J. replied, helping her out of the cab.

"Ok, now open them." J.J. said after leading her inside.

"A Spa? You brought me to a spa, J.J. I have no time for this…" Sandy sputtered.

"I'm not letting you leave until you have the full treatment." J.J. said with an evil grin. "So the more trouble you give me, the longer this is going to take."

"Fine, but if I'm doing it so are you." Sandy replied.

"I'm not the one who's stressing out." J.J. said, shaking her head no.

No you would seem fine to most people. But I can see how tightly strung you are lately. You need to relax too. Besides what better way to get you talking? Sandy thought.

"I know damn well you could use this as much as I can." Sandy replied, with a look that said 'don't argue with me'.

"Ok, you win. We'll both get ourselves pampered." J.J. said laughing.

"Welcome ladies. Please come this way." A woman said, leading them into the back.

*Edge*

Undertaker's instructions are as usual unattainable. Edge thought. It's not possible to get his list without people realizing who it's for, or revealing ourselves.

Edge listened at the door a moment, then slipped into Santana's room next to Chyna's.

It's a good thing I'm skinny or this would never work. He thought, moving to the connecting doors.

He opened the one on his side. Then knelt to pick the lock on the other.

This isn't going to be easy or comfortable. He thought, stepping between the door and closing the one behind him experimentally.

Nope, not easy at all. Good thing I'm not claustrophobic or I'd be screwed. But both doors are unlocked, I can leave in either direction if I have to. Of course leaving through Chyna's room might be a problem. He thought, opening the door behind him again.

"Santana won't be back for a while." Edge muttered, emptying a couple of water bottles into the sink and putting them in the space between the doors.

Then he grabbed a couple of full ones and put them in as well.

*Kane*

Rummaging through his bags, Kane found one of the few handheld games he had left.

If I keep forgetting these things or giving them away, I'm going to have to buy more. He thought, taking a seat on the couch.

Kane tried to concentrate on the falling colored shapes, but it was impossible. The sounds of Jim's kids kept intruding and reminding him of the dream.

This should drown them out. He thought, turning on the TV and raising the volume.

I don't want to put it too loud. If I do the kids might get in trouble for being loud. Kane thought, remembering what happened when he was too loud growing up.

Between the TV and the game, he was finally able to keep himself from thinking of her.

Kane jumped, surprised by someone pounding on his door.

Getting up, Kane slid his mask on then opened the door.

I hope it isn't Pete. Kane thought, half-afraid he'd have to be brutal before Pete would give up.

Vince? Kane wondered, as he opened the door.

"What the hell did you think you were doing? I warned you what would happen if you fought outside the ring." Vince yelled, without even waiting for the door to finish opening.

What is he talking about? Kane wondered trying to think of anyone he'd hit recently. Does he mean Pete? I didn't think of that. Maybe someone saw what I did.

No, Pete would never tell. Shit, he probably means Hunter. Kane thought, unable to suppress his silent laughter.

Hunter's bloody face entered his mind, making him laugh a little harder.

"This isn't funny!" Vince screamed, his face turning an unattractive scarlet.

Kane held up his hand, and then motioned Vince inside.

Kane moved just inside and used the table to write. He noticed that Vince barely stepped over the threshold.

"What do you mean WHO!?" Vince shrieked. "You mean you've attacked more than one person in the last twenty four hours?"

Kane calmly pointed to the piece of paper clenched in Vince's fist.

"Hunter you idiot! You can't tell me you don't remember what happened." Vince growled.

Oh I remember what happened, but I doubt it's the version Hunter gave you. Kane thought. Shit, I should have expected this. Hunter has to explain his face.

No way I take the blame for this without protest. This time there were witnesses. Kane thought, remembering the bar full of people and the sirens he'd heard.

Picking up another piece of paper, Kane wrote quickly knowing Vince's temper was already boiling.

"You expect me to believe this bullshit?" Vince said, so angry that he stepped inside and slammed the door.

Ask Melissa at Ray's tap or cops.

Kane wrote quickly, before Vince could yell again.

"No way I fall for this!" Vince said loudly, waving the newest piece of paper in Kane's face.

Damn it for once in your life do the right thing. Kane thought, angry that Vince was calling him a liar again.

Kane grabbed Vince's arm to get his attention.

"Check." Kane rasped through his amplifier.

Damn, that still hurts a lot more than it did before. Kane thought.

Then he released Vince's arm and stepped back.

"It's too late to cancel your match for the PPV, but after believe me you are going to be suspended." Vince said, taking a step backward toward the door.

Kane just cocked his head and stared at his employer.

Vince crushed the page in his fist before storming out of the room.

He won't even bother. Looks like I'm getting some more time off soon. He thought angrily.

Whipping off his mask, he hurled it across the room.

*Eddie/Chuck*

Walking into the gym Chuck stretched and began his workout. As he went through it he saw Eddie walk in.

"Chuck, I'm glad I found you. You were right, that thing is HOT. Me and Sean was wondering if we could get copies of it." Eddie asked, loud enough to turn heads.

What is he doing trying to get us thrown out of here? Chuck thought.

"SSSH Damn it! Do you want the world to know." Chuck hissed.

"Wats the problem?" Eddie asked.

"I don't know about you guys getting copies. I mean it could have ended up in my bag by mistake. If the person it was supposed to go to finds out I got it by mistake and passed it out, I could be in some serious trouble." Chuck said, suddenly regretting having lent it to them at all.

"AWW I thought we was friends." Eddie said.

Man does he go for the balls immediately. Chuck thought.

"We are, but well ok. But just you and Sean, if I find out anyone else has a copy you are in so much trouble." Chuck said, trying to impress Eddie with how serious he was.

"No problem, just me and Sean." Eddie said grinning broadly.

I never should have let them see it. Once again I do something monumentally stupid and now I know it's going to bite me in the ass. Chuck thought, hoping he was wrong.

"I know I'm going to regret this." Chuck muttered, as he watched his friend leave.

*Paul*

This is ridiculous. Undertaker shouldn't be interfering in Kane's problems, he should be adding to them. Paul thought angrily.

I'm sure that if Kane found out about Undertaker's intentions he would be very angry. Paul thought.

I have to find a way to tip Kane of without Undertaker finding out it was intentional. Paul thought, beginning to smile.

It shouldn't be that hard. I'll just be obvious when I'm listening to people. Then when they mention Kane or DX I'll be even more intensely attentive. Paul thought. Even someone a stupid as Hercules should be able to pick up on it.

That will work just fine. Paul decided, feeling much happier now that he had a plan.

*Hunter/DX*

Damn, it looks even worse than I thought it would. Hunter thought, as he examined his reflection.

"May as well get this overwith." Hunter muttered.

He stepped into Chyna's room without knocking.

"Good, you're all there." Hunter said, letting them all get a good look at him.

"Yesterday I had a run in with the freak. He pulled his usual cowardly attack shit and took me down with a two by four. Then ran off before I could get up." Hunter said, answering their unasked question.

"He'll pay for it." Billy said confidently.

"I know. But we have other things to deal with today." Hunter said.

Only Chyna dared to look at him suspiciously. But he completely ignored her.

"You all know the problems we've had with X-Pac lately." He said, looking at them all.

"Tomorrow night I've arranged for him to face Kane. We'll be at the top of the ramp watching. But NO ONE makes a move until I give the word." He said sternly.

"Kane will kill him." Jessie cried.

"Do you think I'd let it go that far? He needs to realize who his friends are." Hunter said loudly.

"He's been defending that freak and defying everything we're trying to do. A good lesson at the hands of that monster should cure both problems. It'll remind him where he belongs and what'll happen if he leaves DX." Hunter said.

"But Kane can do a lot of damage fast. He knows about the kid's neck." Jessie said.

"Do you take me for an idiot! I know that. I'll decide when he's had enough. You only move when I say so. Is that understood?" Hunter demanded, looking at them each individually.

No one said a word. They nodded then one by one they each found something else in the room very interesting. Anything not to have to look at Hunter.

"What about Kane? When are we going to get him for attacking you?" Tori asked, sounding as if she thought it was a brilliant question.

Damn she's no brighter than the retard, maybe I should have left them together. Hunter thought.

"When we go in to help X-Pac, we'll take care of the retard." Hunter said very slowly while staring at Tori.

Completely ignoring Tori, they began speaking about the plans for the next event. Their conversation mostly focused on the ongoing assaults on Kane and who was next to go for him.

Then turning away from her, he looked at other others.

"Make sure you're packed. We leave in ninety minutes." He said, turning to leave the room.


	25. losing the light Chapter 25

Chapter 25

*J.J./Sandy*

"So now that we're trapped in a seaweed wrap, what should we talk about?" Sandy asked.

Oh no, I've just given her the perfect opportunity to grill me. J.J. thought.

"Anything but me." J.J. said, hoping that Sandy wouldn't be upset.

Why does she always do that? She's so closed off. Sandy thought.

"I really don't understand why you are so determined not to let me get to know you." Sandy said, sounding confused.

"But we're friends. How can you say that?" J.J. replied.

"Yes, but I still don't know anything about you. You won't talk about yourself." Sandy said.

"I don't talk about the past. I don't think those times have anything to do with the present. But we talk about a lot of things." J.J. said.

"The past does matter. I can see something really hurt you. You started to tell me once." Sandy said.

After you managed to get me drunk and alone. Yes, I did start to tell you. It was definitely a mistake. J.J. thought.

"Yes, I told you a lot more than I meant to. I don't talk about it because talking about it hurts." J.J. said. "Before you say it, there is nothing anyone can do to help, so talking won't change anything."

Even if I can't fix it maybe I can take away some of the pain. Sandy thought.

"It might make you feel better." Sandy said, knowing she was probably pushing too hard.

"Really Sandy, I know you only want to help. But that part of my life is not up for discussion." J.J. said, the last part fighting an emotional tidal wave.

"Ok J.J., I didn't mean to upset you. I'll leave that alone. I'm so sorry." Sandy said, hearing J.J. struggling not to cry.

Shit woman, get control of yourself. You can't keep this up, you just can't. J.J. berated herself.

I just wish she'd share whatever it is. I know it would make her feel better. Sandy thought, knowing that J.J. never would.

J.J. was quiet for a bit as she fought to regain control of her emotions.

After a little while they began chatting about everything under the sun. Everything that is except J.J.'s past.

*X-Pac*

Smiling X-Pac walked around a bit.

I can't believe this place. It's a modern day Norman Rockwell painting. X-Pac thought.

Still smiling, he took a seat on a park bench. He sat watching, as a bunch of young children played raucously on the grass.

I remember those days. Playing and running around with my friends. Oh the trouble we caused. We chased girls and played pranks. The arguments we had playing most games. You'd think the outcome was life or death. X-Pac thought his mind drifting.

I've had friends since, but they've never been like that. Back then friendship was everything. He thought.

Did Kane ever have that? He never would speak about his past. He even seemed uncomfortable when I mentioned it. X-Pac thought amazed that he'd never seen it.

How could I have missed that? He wondered, disappointed in himself for not seeing it then.

I thought I knew him so well. That he'd really opened up to me. He didn't. X-Pac realized.

He never talked about anything that happened before we became friends. He always stiffened right up whenever I asked him about it. He thought with wonder.

Whenever I'd talk about my past, he'd go completely still and look away. I could never tell if he was shutting me out or listening. He thought, again feeling the sadness over what had happened.

He began watching a pickup game of baseball. As he watched his mind drifted again back to happier days. Before he knew it he'd lost most of the day.

*Pete*

Waking up, Pete rolled out of bed and went right into the shower.

I'm better off heading down early and getting everything set up. That way maybe I won't have to see Seth that much. Pete thought.

Should I try to talk to Kane again? Maybe he's ready to see me now. Pete thought hopefully.

After packing, he walked down the hall.

I'm still surprised Vince let him stay on our floor. Pete thought to himself.

As he approached the door, he heard someone inside yelling.

"NO way I fall for this." He heard.

Is that Vince? Pete wondered.

"It's too late to cancel your match for tomorrow! But afterward believe me you are going to be suspended!"

Yeah that's Vince all right. He thought, backing up against the wall as Vince stormed out.

Pete felt the wall vibrate with the impact of the slamming door.

Maybe this is a bad time. He thought, stepping closer to the door.

A loud thud from inside made Pete step back involuntarily.

That wasn't loud enough to be him falling, thank god. Nor was it forceful enough to be him hitting something. Pete decided.

He must have thrown something. If he's that angry it is not a good time to try and see him. Pete thought sadly.

Turning, Pete walked back and picked up his bags.

On the bright side I haven't really seen him struggling for air at all. Not even after lifting Bossman. He must be doing well. Pete thought, with a sigh of relief.

*?*

I wonder how many people have seen J.J.'s debut as a porn star. He thought, a smile tugging at his lips.

It won't be long until word gets out, until he hears about it. It would be so much better if he actually saw a copy of the tape. Either way, it will all come together. Then I'll have exactly what I want. He thought, beginning to laugh softly.

*J.J./Sandy*

"I feel like I'm made of rubber." Sandy said, as they left the spa.

"I know how you feel. I don't think I've ever been this relaxed." J.J. replied, but she knew she'd just lied.

I can think of several times, all of them involving Kane. J.J. thought, trying to hide the sudden sadness threatening to overwhelm her.

"Why don't I drop you off at home. Then I'll go to the hotel and get ready." J.J. said.

"Sounds good. That will give me time to straighten everything out and do the same." Sandy replied.

If she does that she's going to undo everything we just did to get her relaxed. J.J. thought, feeling a little frustrated.

"Sandy, go home and relax. Take your time and don't stress yourself back out. I'm sure Roger has put everything where it was supposed to go." J.J. said.

Maybe she has a point. I feel really good right now. I want to enjoy myself tonight. After all it is the only time it will be partly catered. After that all the cooking will be mine and I won't have time to just enjoy the place. Sandy thought.

"You're probably right. But I just want everything to be perfect." Sandy said with a shrug.

"Sandy at this point it's out of your hands. You've done everything you can. It's time to stop and let things take their course." J.J. said.

"I'll really try." Sandy replied smiling.

I hope you do Sandy. I really hope you do. J.J. thought.

"That's good. Well this is the place." J.J. said, as the cab stopped in front of the 'Stepping Stone'.

She's already beginning to tense up. J.J. thought, as she watched Sandy leave.

*X-Pac*

Heading back to the Inn, X-Pac picked up a paper.

It's Saturday night, there has to be something going on. He thought.

Kicking off his shoes, he spread the paper out on the bed. Then he flopped down beside it.

Slowly turning the pages, he stopped to rub his burning eyes.

*Undertaker/Edge*

Edge walked nervously up to Undertaker's door.

Even when I'm bringing him something he wants, I'm still nervous as hell. Edge thought, taking a deep breath.

Just do it. He told himself, as he brought his hand up to knock.

Who the hell is interrupting me? All of my ministry should be preparing to leave. Undertaker thought, tossing his bag onto the bed.

"Enter!" He shouted, taking a defensive posture.

No sense in taking chances. It could be anyone. He thought, to himself as he waited.

Oh Shit! Edge thought, seeing Undertaker's ready position.

Smart boy. Undertaker thought, when Edge dropped his hands and looked down submissively.

"Relax Edge." He said, his voice rumbling.

Edge followed his leader's order and relaxed. But he couldn't keep the large sigh of relief from escaping. Though Edge tried not to visibly show it, Undertaker saw it easily.

"Are you ready to leave?" Undertaker asked.

"No." Edge said simply.

"Why not?" Undertaker demanded. "I gave an explicit time to meet for departure."

Because Santana came in after they were done talking and I didn't want to be found out. I had to wait until he left. Edge thought.

"I have some information." Edge said, hoping to escape Undertaker's wrath at not being prepared.

How could he have something so quickly? I only gave the order this morning. Undertaker thought, slightly surprised at Edge's words.

"Sit down and tell me what you learned." Undertaker said, with his voice still full of menace.

Edge quickly did was he was bid.

"I have news of DX's plans. They talked about Kane having attacked Hunter last night. Hunter claims that Kane hit him with a two by four and ran while he was still down." Edge started.

That didn't sound right. Edge thought, hoping Undertaker hadn't heard the skeptical tone.

He doesn't think that is the truth. Why should he doubt it? Undertaker wondered.

"You don't sound convinced." Undertaker said softly.

Shit, he doesn't miss a damn thing. Edge thought.

"After all they've done to him. I doubt Hunter would have walked away if Kane had him in that position." Edge said, trying to sound confident in his assessment.

He seems to know a lot about my little brother. Maybe a bit too much. Undertaker thought.

"What else?" Undertaker asked, surprised at Edge's revelation.

"They're using Kane to teach X-Pac a lesson tomorrow. It sounded like he's been defending Kane and not following orders. So they're going to let Kane pound him through the mat. Then when they come down to 'save' him, they'll wreck Kane." Edge paused, half-hoping for some crack in his leader's stony expression.

Nothing, damn he's incredible. No reaction at all, I hoped he'd show something to give me a hint of what he's doing. Edge thought with disappointment.

So the little shit's been defending Kane. That's very interesting. I thought I was rid of that little bastard when Hunter broke them apart. I'll keep an eye on that situation. I don't want that child back in Kane's life. Not that Kane would allow it anyway. Undertaker thought.

"How did you hear so much?" Undertaker asked, surprised at Edge's quick results.

Damn I should have known he'd ask and been ready to answer. Edge thought, pissed at his oversight.

"I listened at their door." Edge said, not wanting to reveal exactly what he'd done.

I may need that particular trick to listen in on you some day. Edge thought, hoping he wouldn't have to tell.

"I told you to be discrete!" Undertaker said, his voice becoming hard and angry.

"I wasn't seen. I was in an empty room beside them." Edge said quickly.

Well maybe this one managed to hide his actions, but other won't be able to. Kane will surely hear about my interest. Undertaker thought.

"Well done." Undertaker paused. "Is there more?"

"Yes, they said that at the next event they were all set. They expect Virgil, IRS, Adam Bomb and Hercules to go for him. But they didn't say when." Edge said.

They sat in silence for a while.

I hate when he stares at me like that. Edge thought, trying not to flinch under his leader's piercing glare.

This boy bears watching. He's far too clever at discovering secrets. I'll have to make sure he never turns that ability in my direction. Undertaker thought, making a mental note to keep his eyes on the young blonde.

"If that's all, then go prepare your things." Undertaker said dismissing him.

Edge quickly moved to obey. Following his leader's demand and wanting to escape his glower.

*Ron/Mike*

"So did you get tomorrow night off?" Ron asked Mike, when he answered his phone.

"Yes, but it took some work." Mike replied.

"That's great! This will be your First PPV won't it?" Ron asked sounding excited.

"You might not be so happy when I tell you the next part." Mike paused dramatically. "Holly's coming."

"Really? That's great, now I can convert her too." Ron laughed.

"Or play referee when she gets upset about the content… especially the divas." Mike said, but you could hear the laughter in his voice.

"No problem, we'll just deal with it if it happens." Ron said playfully. "We'll just double team her until she submits."

"You re insane. Mike laughed.

Ron joined in the laughter.

"Ok, we'll see you then." Mike said, before hanging up.

Jeez, I hope she doesn't give him a hard time. I'd hate to lose my wrestling buddy. Ron thought.

*DX*

No matter how bad I look, there is no way I can show vulnerability. If I do half the fed will jump me like a pack of wild dogs. Hunter thought, keeping his head up, as he stepped out of the elevator.

I can't believe those jerks have the guts to stare at my poor Hunter, then laugh at his injuries. Tori thought angrily, staying close to the big blonde.

"Are you alright?" Tori whispered, loud enough to be heard by almost everyone.

That idiot, does she want to make them think he's hurt worse than it looks? Chyna thought, instantly pissed.

"Shut up Tori!" Chyna hissed, before Hunter could say a word.

She's always telling me what to do. I'm sick of it. Just wait until I get Hunter alone, then I'll tell him the things they said. Tori thought, already planning for a time when she was Hunter's woman.

"I was just…" She began, before a sharp pain in her neck interrupted her.

She just doesn't get it. How can she be such a Blonde? Chyna thought, squeezing her neck a little harder.

"Why don't you go check for the car? It should be out there by now." Chyna said with a definite edge to her voice.

Just you wait bitch. I wormed my way into this little group, and soon I'll be the only love of Hunter's life. Tori thought.

"Ok." Tori replied, with a huge sigh.

"Why is she still around?" Jessie asked. "It's not like we need her for anything. All she ever does is whine and annoy you Hunter."

"She has her purpose." Hunter said, his tone ending the discussion.

She does have a purpose. You keep her to drive X-Pac and me insane. Chyna thought, rolling her eyes.

Oh man I never saw her do that before. It makes her look so ridiculous. Billy thought.

Billy saw Chyna's reaction and quickly covered his mouth so Hunter wouldn't hear him laughing.

Just what I need, Hunter thinking I find any of this funny. Billy thought.

Knock it off. Jessie thought, reaching out to smack Billy.

Chyna just shook her head at their antics and stepped up beside Hunter.

"What do you plan to do?" Chyna asked once they were in the van.

"About what?" Hunter asked his foul mood obvious in his tone.

Why does he always make me play this game with him? He knows what I'm talking about. Chyna thought, plastering a sickening sweet smile on her face.

"About your injury?" Chyna replied. "Vince letting you wrestle? Giving you airtime to give the freak grief or are we just going to leak the cause?"

We need to know so we can be on the same page. Chyna thought.

"I'll decide tomorrow if I compete or not. NO matter what Vince says. As for explaining it, I don't have to but I will." He replied, then leaned back and closed his eyes.

He's determined to get himself fired. He must have something on Vince to still be around after all he's done. Chyna thought.

Hunter shifted in the backseat until he was as comfortable as he was likely to get.

"Don't let Tori pick the music." He added, just as Tori started reaching for the radio.

How does he do that? She wondered, leaning back in her seat.

Now I'll have to listen to something they want. Tori thought, glancing at the Outlaws.

Good no weird ass music. I don't even know what she calls the stuff she listens too. The only comparison I can make is a screaming cat and someone with no rhythm banging on drums. Jessie thought. And they say my Metal is bad.

They rode in near silence, with the only noise being soft music and Hunter's not so soft snores.

*Kane*

Kane paced his room repeatedly.

That no good bastard. Again he manages to make things go his way. Kane thought pissed that he hadn't seen this coming.

But the look on his face was priceless. It may even be worth a suspension. Especially if she got him as well as I suspect she did. Not to mention what her friends probably did to him. Kane decided, beginning to calm down.

I should have gone down to see him off. Kane thought, finally feeling much better.

Crossing the room, he picked up the mask and stared at it a moment.

His mind was suddenly swirling with memories. He sat down on the couch unable to stand beneath their onslaught. He saw himself in another hotel room, anxiously waiting as J.J. entered the room.

I was so scared she'd reject me like everyone else. He thought, as he watched the scene unfold.

I was paralyzed as I watched her come closer. I'd never even considered letting someone see me without the mask. He reminded himself.

I didn't realize until later that she'd been nervous too. She seemed worried that I'd change my mind. He remembered.

Her reaction was more than I'd ever dreamed possible. He thought, already feeling again the surge of emotion she'd caused that night.

Even then I knew she was exaggerating when she said I was gorgeous. But she hadn't run, recoiled or cried. He thought, allowing the feelings flow through him instead of fighting them.

I thought I'd die right there. The strength of the tumult was so strong. I was sure it would either kill me or drive me insane. But she held me and talked to me. It was her that kept me anchored and kept me from flying apart. Kane thought, still holding the mask.

That wasn't the last time she'd make me feel that way. No there were many more times. Kane thought sadly.

How could I have forgotten all of that? I should have given her a chance. If only because she'd taken a huge chance by being my friend, and more. Kane thought, suddenly feeling unwanted tears beginning to fall.

If only I could turn back time and give her the chance she deserved. But I can't do that. I'll never have a chance to make it right. Even if I found her, she would have no reason to see me. He thought, roughly wiping his tears away.

I hope she's happy or at least getting through this better than I am. He thought, before shoving

the memories aside and beginning to pack.

*Eddie/Shane Helms/Cena*

"What did he say?" Helms asked hopefully.

If he said no I may make one anyway. Helms thought.

"He said yeah. But he don't want no other copies made." Eddie said.

"That sucks, you know anyone who sees it is going to want a copy." Helms said.

"I know, but he's worried that he got it by accident and the real owner will be pissed if there are copies floating around." Eddie replied.

"I guess that makes sense. But I've never seen either of those guys before. So I don't know how it could be a mistake." Helms said.

"Like you was looking at the guys. I sure wasn't. I was busy watching that hot mamasita to see anything else." Eddie said laughing.

"What's up?" Cena asked, taking a seat without being invited.

"Well we've got…" Helms started.

"SSSHH homes, remember what Chuck said." Eddie said, cutting Helms off.

"Yeah, he said we couldn't make copies. He didn't say we couldn't share ours." Helms replied.

Though I'm sure that if we show it around the same thing could happen. Eddie thought.

"That's right, he didn't did he?" Eddie said, smiling and nodding his head.

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Cena said obviously confused.

"A tape." Helms said.

"A really HOT tape." Eddie said, his grin becoming lecherous.

"But what kind of tape?" Cena asked.

"You think maybe he's too young esse?" Eddie asked laughing.

"I ain't too young." Cena said loudly.

"Shh be quiet, you want everyone to know?" Shane said.

"If we let you see it you gotta give your word not to copy it." Eddie said, nudging Helms.

"Right you can't copy it. If you do we're gonna be really pissed." Helms piped in.

"I promise I won't copy it." Cena said, beginning to get frustrated.

"We'll give it to you at the next hotel." Eddie said.

What? They'll give it to me later. What a crock? They are busting my balls again. Cena thought.

"After all that, you're gonna make me wait! Why?" Cena asked. "This whole thing is a joke isn't it?"

"No man. It's packed in my luggage and I don't want to unpack." Eddie lied quickly.

"Yeah, don't worry it'll be worth the wait." Helms added, as he and Eddie got up to leave.

"Now we just gonna make us a some copies and give Chuck back the original." Helms said, as they got into their rental.

*Paul*

I don't know why he allows them such freedom. Paul thought, looking in the rearview mirror.

He lets them play games, listen to music and read who knows what. Paul thought, trying not to let his disgust show.

Undertaker should be controlling their every move. He should be shaping them into his perfect servants and warriors. Like I did with Kane. Paul told himself, remembering how he'd controlled Kane's every moment asleep and awake.

My only mistake was letting up a little and allowing outside influences affect him. I should have kept a tighter rein on him when we arrived in the WWF. Paul recounted, making excuses for his loss of Kane.

If only I'd had Mark in my care as a child. I should have had him the whole time. He was the stronger one. Instead I ended up with a damaged second best. But I have Mark now. Oh YESSS. He thought, feeling pleased with his position.

*Ministry*

Undertaker looked back at his ministry.

They continue to improve, but will they be ready for the final reckoning. Undertaker wondered.

A little push will get them moving, eager to do my bidding. He thought.

"Was anyone besides Edge successful in their quest?" Undertaker asked, turning and watching all of them for a reaction.

What? Christian wondered, looking quickly at his brother.

Why would he ask that? It almost sounds like my success is a challenge to them. Edge wondered, putting down his magazine.

He got something already? Paul thought, clutching the wheel so tightly that his plump knuckles were white.

Mideon and Viscera looked at each other then back at Undertaker. Without a word they hung their heads.

How could I have gotten something? We only got the order this morning. Almost everyone was leaving. But Edge did it. Christian thought, afraid to disappoint his leader.

I hate when he freaks Christian out like that. Edge thought, wanting to comfort his brother.

Christian began looking between Edge and Undertaker. Finally he just shook his head no and looked down.

I'll talk to him once we're alone. He'd only get upset if I said anything now. Edge decided.

"Nothing." Bradshaw said.

"But we ain't gotten our hands on anyone yet either." Faarooq said, punching his fist into his palm.

Those two are sure to get something and ensure that Kane knows exactly what's happening. Undertaker thought with anticipation.

"What about you Paul? Any results?" Undertaker asked, turning his gaze on him.

"No, I was occupied with other things." Paul said.

Like a two-hour breakfast? Undertaker thought, raising an eyebrow.

"I was double checking our hotel reservation for the next city. I was also getting the bills for the hotel readied, to speed our departure." Paul said, when he saw Undertaker's expression.

You probably took care of the bill so I wouldn't see the charges to your room for food. Undertaker thought, turning away.

"Continue your efforts." He said ending the conversation.

What was he trying to do with that little game? If he was trying to get everyone pissed at me it worked. He thought, looking at the faces of the other members.

That should motivate everyone. Undertaker thought. It will make them take chances and make mistakes.

He glanced back at them again.

They definitely look more anxious to please now. Their newfound enthusiasm will be sure to tip Kane off. Undertaker decided.

*J.J./Sandy/Roger*

J.J. walked into the 'Stepping Stone' and nearly burst out laughing.

I can't believe it. She found a way to do it. J.J. thought.

"No Roger we don't want the shrimp next to the Oysters." Sandy said, before acknowledging J.J.'s presence.

"J.J., she said this was your idea." Roger said, as he rearranged the platters.

"What was my idea?" J.J. asked, looking between them.

Like you don't know. Roger thought.

"That she should sit and relax, while I put everything where she wants it." Roger said, putting his hands on his hips.

That's completely out of context. I wonder if she did it intentionally. J.J. wondered.

"Those were the words, but not the order." J.J. said, looking over at Sandy.

She got me again. Why do I always fall for Sandy's pranks? Roger wondered.

"So what did you say?" Roger asked.

"I told her I was sure you'd put everything where she wanted it. Then I told her it was out of her hands and not to let herself get stressed again." J.J. said.

Busted. Sandy thought, trying not to start laughing.

"Oh," Sandy said, giving Roger and apologetic look.

"Don't even, you really got me good this time." Roger said laughing.

"So are you guys ready?" J.J. asked.

Sandy nodded, but didn't say anything.

"I guess that's the best we're gonna do." J.J. said, smiling at them both.

"So what do we do now?" Roger asked Sandy.

"I don't know. There doesn't seem to be anything left to do." Sandy said, beginning to look nervous again.

Oh no, she's going to get all rattled again. J.J. thought.

"I suggest you two eat something. You probably won't have time once everyone arrives." J.J. said.

Yeah we have to keep her occupied. Roger thought, seeing his wife's reaction.

"That's probably good advice baby." Roger said, moving behind Sandy.

How could I possibly eat now? They cannot be serious. Sandy thought.

"I know but I'm too nervous to eat." Sandy said, leaning back into her husband's hands.

I have get her doing something. Roger realized, looking for a way to do just that.

"Well, I don't want to eat the stuff for the party. So I'll just go make myself something." Roger said, winking at J.J. from behind Sandy.

No way she lets me mess around in her kitchen. Roger thought.

He knows she won't let him do that. He's such a smooth operator. He could probably find a way to convince Eskimos to by ice. J.J. thought.

"I think I'll join you. I could use a snack." J.J. said, immediately realizing what Roger was up doing.

"No way you two. Nobody goes into my kitchen." Sandy said.

I wonder if she realizes what we're doing and is playing along. Or is she too nervous to see it. J.J. thought, as she followed them into the kitchen.

The gambit worked and before long it was time to open the doors.

Roger unlocked the doors and turned on the Neon OPEN sign.

"Flag is up and the lights are on." He said, stepping back inside.

I can't let anyone realize I'm a freaked out as Sandy. Someone has to look calm. Roger thought.

"There was no one outside?" Sandy asked sounding a little panicked.

"Of course not dear. The invitations said seven." Roger said trying to relax her.

"Oh that's right." Sandy said, with a hysterical sounding giggle.

That doesn't sound good. Roger thought.

We still have to keep her busy until people start showing up. J.J. thought, looking over at Roger.

"We can get started with the candles and warming the food." J.J. said, trying to occupy her mind.

"Before you know it this place will be hopping." Roger joined in.

No one is here yet. I knew it no one is coming. Sandy thought, as she constantly watched the clock.

J.J. and Roger tried to keep her occupied but it was a losing battle.

She's losing it. J.J. thought, watching her going over and over every detail.

I swear if she moves the candles one more time I'm going to sit on her. Roger thought, as he sat watching her nervously move among the tables.

Won't that clock ever move? Sandy wondered, looking at it yet again.

"Sandy can I have a couple of Tylenol?" J.J. asked, trying once again to distract her.

"Of course, are you ok?" Sandy asked, immediately switching gears.

"It's just a headache." J.J. said, rubbing her temple.

"I'll be right back. Why don't you sit down." Sandy said, rushing out of the room.

"Are you really ok?" Roger whispered, after Sandy was gone.

"I was getting desperate." J.J. replied.

Just then Sandy came back.

"Here you go." She said, handing J.J. the bottle of Tylenol.

"Baby she'll need some water too." Roger said, joining in the ploy.

"I can't believe I forgot water. I'll be right back." Sandy said, rushing out of the room.

J.J. opened the bottle and loudly shook it, then replaced the cap.

She's good. If I hadn't been watching I never would have noticed that nothing came out. Roger thought realizing that she'd only played at taking out the medication.

"Here you go." Sandy said, handing J.J. a glass.

J.J. brought her empty hand up and pretended to put the pills into her mouth. Then she took a couple of large sips of water.

"Thanks Sandy. I appreciate it." J.J. said.

It worked. Roger thought, as Sandy sat down beside J.J.

Keep talking Sandy. J.J. thought, encouraging Sandy's care giving behavior.

I feel really bad tricking her like this. But I've never seen anyone so nervous before. J.J. thought.

Sandy was still fussing over J.J. when the first guests arrived.

"Go on Sandy, I'm fine." J.J. said, when she saw Sandy's hesitation.

They are mostly people I've seen in my walks around town. J.J. noticed, as she moved to the bar.

Thank God. I was afraid no one would show up. Sandy thought, as she greeted people.

I'm glad that at least the local folks showed up. It would have killed her if no one had. Roger thought, smiling as he watched his wife.

I wonder if she only invited the people from town? J.J. thought.

"She's in her glory." Roger said, as he took his place behind the bar. "Everyone she knows is here. The rest is just gravy."

"Who else is she expecting?" J.J. asked.

"Some folks from out of town. Mostly people from the Press." Roger said with a shrug.

I hope she isn't really counting on them to come. J.J. thought, remembering how some of the 'newspaper' people she dealt with had acted.

"Oh." J.J. said, not knowing how else to respond.

"I told her that she shouldn't expect them. Especially since we aren't expecting any celebrities." Roger said.

"How did she take that?" J.J. asked, knowing Sandy's determined nature.

"She laughed." Roger said. "Then she found out the WWF was in the area and tried to contact someone in their offices."

"Are they coming?" J.J. asked, trying not to sound as anxious as she felt.

She actually sound scared that Sandy succeeded. Does she know people there? Roger wondered, surprised at her reaction.

"No she wasn't able to get through to anyone." Roger replied.

That would have been a mess. J.J. thought, silently thanking God and trying to keep her smile on her face.

"That's too bad. Autographed pictures on the wall would have been a nice touch." J.J. said, trying to sound nonchalant.

They would, but somehow I don't think you'd be here if they were coming. Roger thought.

"It's great isn't it?" Sandy said, beaming as she joined them at the bar.

"Yes, it's wonderful. Look how many people are already here and it's only eight O'clock." Roger said, making her smile even more.

Roger turned his attention to the suddenly busy bar.

"Go mingle, be a good hostess." J.J. said, smiling and waving her away.

J.J. watched her moving among the tables and couldn't help but feel proud of what they'd done.

"Place looks great." J.J. heard from down the bar, but she was too busy people watching to look.

"Of course it does. We had an incredible decorator." Roger said, pointing down to J.J.

They all look relaxed. All of them are definitely showing the body language of people having a good time. J.J. thought, smiling as she watched them.

"So you're the J.J. that Roger's been talking about at the poker games." J.J. heard from her left.

What? Roger's been talking about me? J.J. thought, somewhat confused.

Turning to look she saw a man with longish black hair. He was average height and a little on the heavy side, but seemed pleasant enough.

"I'm the topic of conversations at poker games?" J.J. said, taking his offered hand to shake.

"I'm Dominic." He said, reaching out to take her hand.

"Don't worry it's all clean." He said with a laugh. "He's been telling us how great you are. Said they couldn't have done better if they'd spent three times as much."

I guess its ok as long as it's clean. J.J. thought, smiling at the compliment.

"Now that the 'Stepping Stone' is done are you looking for work?" Dominic asked hopefully.

Oh no. Now they have people offering me work so I'll stay. J.J. thought, amused that they'd try to keep her.

"Sorry but I'm going to move on tomorrow morning." J.J. said.

"But you haven't even heard what the job is." He replied in a halfhearted protest.

"I really need the help." He continued, speaking loudly to be heard over the increasing crowd noise.

I don't need this tonight. I just want to relax and enjoy my friendship with them until I leave tomorrow. J.J. thought, trying not to show her feelings.

"Please, I'm leaving in the morning. I appreciate the offer but I really need to go." She said, trying to politely end that particular conversation.

"Ok I get the hint. But at least let me buy you a drink." He said, holding his hands up in a surrendering gesture.

At least he's going to drop it. I hope he's not another Tony though. That would be really awkward. J.J. thought before answering.

"Only one." J.J. said smiling.

They sat together in watched as the band was getting settled.

"I have to join the wife." He said getting up. "It was a pleasure to meet you. If you decide to stay please call me. We could use your expertise."

The wife. Well it's not like he hit on you. He was a perfect thought persistent gentleman. J.J. thought.

"It was nice meeting you too." J.J. said, shaking her head at his persistence.

J.J. turned and scowled at Roger once Dominic was gone.

"What?" He mouthed, trying to hide a smile.

He is so dead. J.J. thought, staring at him again.

J.J. moved to the end of the bar so she'd be out of the way. Then she sat back with her drink and watched her friends having a great time.

I wonder if Sandy realizes that she hasn't stopped grinning since the first people showed up. J.J. thought, enjoying Sandy's joy.

*X-Pac*

Waking up slowly X-Pac rolled onto his back. When he did he heard paper rustling.

I guess all the fresh air wiped me out. X-Pac thought, sitting up.

I suppose I should get in the car and go across town for something to eat. I don't feel like pizza again. He thought, heading into the bathroom to freshen up.

As he came back out he noticed a flyer on the floor beside the bed.

Must have fallen out of the paper. He thought, picking it up.

"This sounds interesting." He decided.

I should probably wear something nicer than this. He thought looking at his reflection. But I don't have anything and besides it's not like I'll see any of them again.

With a nod he headed out the door.

As he walked through the darkening streets he unconsciously began whistling an unrecognizable tune.

This is the place. He thought, sounds like it'll be a blast.

Stepping inside he stood still allowing his eyes to adjust to the dim room. Once it had he started looking around.

Place is jumping and the food smells great. He thought, heading over to the buffet table.

He made himself a plate and turned around looking for a seat.

"NO FUCKING WAY" He said, loudly enough to draw the attention of nearby patrons.

His plate crashing to the floor silenced everyone. It also caused the object of his exclamation to turn and look in his direction. X-Pac didn't notice anything but the face across the room.

"J.J." He whispered, in complete shock.

*J.J./X-Pac*

J.J. snapped her head around to see what had happened.

Oh NO! She thought, when she saw X-Pac standing by the buffet.

It is her! X-Pac realized, taking a step towards her.

If he's here, that means they all are. J.J. thought, beginning to frantically look around the room.

She's not moving. Does that mean she's willing to talk? X-Pac wondered, continuing to move in her direction.

Even though J.J. could see the young degenerate coming closer, she couldn't move.

Where the hell are they? The way they look and behave I should be able to find them easily. J.J. thought, continuing to search the crowd.

X-Pac was nearly across the room, when J.J. could finally free her shock-paralyzed muscles to move.


	26. losing the light Chapter 26

Chapter 26

*X-Pac/J.J.*

Getting up, she began backing away deeper into the room.

Shit she's taking off. X-Pac thought determined to speak with her.

I have to tell her what has been going on since she left. She needs to know about Kane. X-Pac thought.

He picked up his pace, making sure not to frighten her.

Shit! I should have called out to Roger or gone out through the kitchen. She thought, realizing she'd been moving to the smaller private dining area.

Where is she going? I hope there's no door back there. He thought, unconsciously moving just a little faster.

Suddenly, J.J. found herself in the darkened room. She moved quickly to the other side and huddled against the far wall. It was as if she expected the furniture itself would somehow jump to her defense and stop him.

Is that a way out? X-Pac wondered, when he saw her disappear through a door.

Turning the knob, X-Pac slowly swung it open.

Please don't let her have anything to throw or swing. He thought, remembering what she'd done to the Ministry.

"J.J.?" He said, stepping into the dimly lit room.

If I'm really quite maybe he won't see me. J.J. thought hopefully, but knowing that was futile.

"If you're worried about the others, don't be. I'm alone and they have no idea where I am." He said softly.

Sure. J.J. thought.

"You really can't hide in here J.J., I can see you." He said, hoping to get her to say something.

Of course I can't hide in here. But I was hoping you'd take the hint. J.J. thought.

"You're right. I can't hide. But if you come any closer, I'll scream and they'll come in here." J.J. said, ashamed of herself for her fear but still hoping the threat sounded convincing.

"Yes you can. But please don't. I only want to talk to you. I promise I won't even touch you." He said earnestly, stopping about ten feet from her.

Why am I still here? I should just push right by him and leave. J.J. thought, but made no move to do it.

"Where are they really? Waiting outside? You guys are never apart." J.J. said scowling.

"They're in the last town or on the way to the next. I really don't know. I needed some space, so I took off a couple days ago." He said with a shrug.

"Sure you did." She said sarcastically.

"I've been staying at a boarding house not far from here. Darrel signed me in. I think I saw him here." X-Pac said, hoping she'd relax if he could gain even a sliver of trust.

"So what's so important that you had to track me down?" J.J. asked warily.

"I know you won't believe me, but I was completely shocked when I saw you." He said, turning a chair around and sitting down.

No way! J.J. thought, trying to read his body language in the dim light.

*Sandy/Roger*

This is so great. Sandy thought, mingling with her guests.

I already have several reservations for the next couple of weeks. I was almost expecting that from my friends to show their support. But people I hardly know or complete strangers have made most of these. She thought, thrilled beyond words.

A sudden crash drew her attention to the buffet table.

Oh my… She thought, rushing over to clean up the mess.

He looks like he's in shock. Maybe I should call Roger. She thought, when she saw the young man standing among the debris.

He's just staring across the room. What could have happened? She wondered, as he stepped over the mess and walked away without a word.

Once she'd picked up a majority of the remnants, she stood up and looked toward the bar.

Where is J.J. going and why is he following her? Sandy wondered.

She quickly finished cleaning up and walked to the bar.

"Roger, did J.J. tell you where she was going?" Sandy asked, when she got his attention.

"No." He replied, looking at J.J.'s now empty seat.

"Well, she just backed down the hall and someone followed her." She said, turning to go after her.

"Sandy? We have customers and she's old enough to take care of herself. She was a COP remember?" He said stopping her.

"If she needs us all she has to do is yell. Maybe she was leading him back there for some reason." Roger continued, before she could say anything.

"I still think I should at least check." She said, looking in that direction.

"NO!" He said firmly. "Give her some peace, it's her last day here."

"Oh, all right. But if something happens…" Sandy said not finishing the sentence.

"I know, I'm concerned too, but she's an adult." He said, leaning forward to steal a kiss.

With another glance at the hallway, Sandy went back to mixing with her customers.

*Kane*

Kane drove toward the next town. As he did the quickly passing white lines began to hypnotize him.

Shaking his head, he opened the window and turned on the radio.

That should keep me alert. He thought.

Much better. He thought, as the music did its job of keeping him from getting lost in the passing lines again.

"Coming up next we have 'A lot of things different' by Kenny Chesney" He heard after a set of commercials.

I'd have spent a lot more time in the pouring rain without an umbrella

Covering my head

And I would have stood up to that bully when he pushed and called me names

But I was too afraid

And I would have gone and saw Elvis that night that he came to town but

Moma said I couldn't

And I would have went skinny dipping with Jenny Carson that time she dared me too

But I didn't

Oh I, I'd done a lot of things different

I wish I had spent more time with my Dad when he was alive

Now I don't have the chance

I wish I had told my brother how much I loved him before he went off to war

But I just shook his hand

I wish I'd gone to church on Sunday morning when my Grandma begged me too

But I was afraid of God

I wish I would have listened when they said boy you're gonna wish you hadn't

But I wouldn't

Oh I, I'd done a lot of things different

People say they wouldn't change a thing

Even if they could

Oh but I would

There was this red dress she wanted one time so bad she could taste it

I should have bought it

But I didn't

She wanted to paint our bedroom yellow and trim it in blues and greens

But I wouldn't let her

Wouldn't have hurt nothing

She loved to be held and kissed and touched

But I didn't do it

Not nearly enough

And if I would have known that dance was going to be our last dance

I would have asked that band to play it on and on on, on and on

Oh I, I'd done a lot of things different

People say they wouldn't change a thing

Even if they could

Oh but I would, oh oh oh

Oh I I'd done a lot of things different

Oh I I'd done a lot of things

I think we'd all do a lot of things different

Regrets don't get you nothing but pain. Kane thought, even as his began to circle in his mind.

If I'd gone to Bobby's that day I like I was supposed to, I wouldn't have been home when the fire started. He thought, probably for the millionth time since he'd been burned.

If I'd found a way to get the attention of the firemen while they were still there, Paul never would have found me. Then I'd have had a different life. He thought, wondering how different.

If I hadn't listened to him all those years, maybe I could have had something beyond what he showed me.

If I'd realized what X-Pac and Tori were up to sooner, it wouldn't have hurt so much.

If I'd given J.J. a chance… He thought, tears suddenly blinding him and making him pull over.

Pounding on the steering wheel, Kane tried to use the pain to push away the thoughts he seemingly couldn't control.

I have to get this to stop. I can't keep living with the ghost of what could have been. I blew it and I can't fix it. I have to, HAVE TO stop this. He thought to himself.

Now is not the time or the place for this. He thought, making himself pull out and concentrate on driving.

The last thing I need is to get into an accident. Vince would go ballistic if I messed up his PPV. Kane thought, trying to force his mind to the present.

Throughout the drive, he often had to consciously push away the unwanted memories.

I almost didn't think I'd make it. Kane thought, when he pulled up into the hotel lot.

He stepped out of the SUV and stretched with a silent groan of relief.

I hate long drives. He thought, feeling his joints and back creak with tension.

Then he rolled his head on his neck a couple of times.

I need some food. He thought, grabbing up his bags from the back of the SUV.

Going inside, he saw the usual group of fans in the lobby.

It's after midnight. I didn't think they'd still be here. He thought, while he was checking in.

When he turned to go upstairs, Kane was surprised to hear them call for him.

He turned to look at them, unconsciously cocking his head.

I can't believe they still want my autograph after seeing what has been happening. Kane thought, hesitating then walking over.

"You're awesome Kane." One young woman said, as he was signing for her.

She's actually got one of my shirts on. He thought, almost in shock to see it.

Looking at the crowd, he was distracted for a moment.

"Watch your back tomorrow freak! DX is gonna kill you!" Someone in the back yelled.

"Shut up ASSHOLE…" a couple of other fans, yelled back.

Suddenly there was chaos, as people argued loudly and began pushing.

"X-Pac is a dead man. Then Kane will take care of the rest of those asses in DX." He heard, as security began to intercede.

"You should go." Once of the officers told Kane.

He's probably right. I somehow started this. He thought. I should go before it gets worse.

Kane turned heading to the elevator. Before getting in, he looked back at the still rowdy crowd.

I hope none of them get into trouble. He thought, as the elevator doors closed behind him.

*Edge/Christian*

Edge pulled to a stop in front of the hotel and waited. After a moment he heard movement, as the luggage was unloaded.

After a few moments more, he saw Undertaker open the door and step out. Without having said a word, Edge pulled away.

He found a space easily enough and parked. Then he stood beside the van until Christian joined him. Together they walked back toward the hotel.

"Christian, what he said earlier about me getting something already. I think he was just pushing everyone's buttons. Don't let him freak you out. I was really lucky that's all." Edge said looking at Christian.

Seriously? Christian wondered, stopping to look into Edge's eyes.

"I hadn't really expected to find anything out, but I did. I was sure they'd done their planning Friday night. But they ended up doing it Saturday morning and I just got lucky enough to be there for it." Edge said reassuringly.

Christian nodded and they picked up the pace a bit.

Can't keep him waiting too long. Edge thought.

*Ministry*

Pulling up to the hotel everyone exited and pulled out the luggage.

"Be careful with that!" Paul shouted, as Bradshaw put one of his cases down.

That must be the one he packs his gallon jug of Cologne in. Undertaker thought.

Undertaker waited until he'd seen Christian jump back in, before stepping out onto the curb.

Air! He thought, taking a deep breath.

One of these days I'm going to die from the fumes when I travel with him. He thought, looking at Paul.

If you're so concerned with your stuff why don't you unload it yourself. Bradshaw thought, narrowing his eyes in the Paul's direction.

Without even looking toward the bags on the curb, Paul turned and walked into the hotel.

I'll just check us in. They can carry the gear. He thought, with a distinct feeling of superiority.

Where the hell is he going? Faarooq wondered, as he watched Paul leaving.

Mideon and Viscera began getting their gear and part of Undertaker's.

Bradshaw looked at the Undertaker with a questioning expression.

Just bring them in like you always do. Undertaker thought, looking at the Acolyte and then the bags.

Bending over, Bradshaw grabbed a few bags.

Serving the Undertaker is one thing. But I'll never accept being forced to serve that smelly disgusting waste of air. He thought rolling his eyes.

Standing back up, he saw that the Undertaker was already through the hotel doors.

Bradshaw and Faarooq looked at each other a moment. Then they turned and walked in themselves.

Again I'm stuck out here with the stuff. Gangrel thought, knowing he couldn't carry the remainder alone.

What's taking them so long? He wondered, peering into the darkened lot.

"It's about time." He thought, when he finally spotted them coming into the light.

"What took you so long?" Gangrel asked.

Neither brother spoke. Instead they picked up some the remaining bags and walked inside.

If I'm going to explain myself it will be to Undertaker and not Gangrel. Edge thought.

I didn't realize we'd been that slow. Is Undertaker angry? Christian wondered fearfully, as they entered the lobby.

Putting down the bags, Edge watched with mild aggravation, as bellman appeared to carry them away.

Where we they when we pulled up? He wondered.

The three blondes joined the other members, gathered around Undertaker.

Good everyone is here now. He thought, putting his hand out.

Please don't stick me with Paul again. Gangrel silently pleaded.

Undertaker looked at the numbers on the keys Paul had given him.

Looks good. This will spread them out around me. He thought.

"Usual arrangements." Undertaker said, handing a key each to Bradshaw, Edge, Mideon and Paul.

Shit I'm stuck with Gangrel again. I cannot abide his strange habits. Paul thought unhappily.

The others quickly took their keys and headed to the assigned rooms.

*DX*

Pulling up to the hotel, Billy cleared his throat loudly. When no one moved or awakened, he got out and slammed the door.

One by one the others exited the Van. Most of them were still half-asleep.

Jessie began helping him unload. Then looking up, Billy saw Tori using the side mirror to fix her hair.

"Tori go inside and get someone to take care of the bags." Billy told her.

"But…" She started to whine.

"Unless you'd like to carry them." He said, quickly cutting her off.

With a huff Tori turned and went inside.

"Nicely done." Chyna said with a laugh.

Hunter didn't say a word he just went to check in. Grabbing the keys for his group, he handed them to Chyna and headed upstairs.

I'm not dealing with their arguments and bullshit tonight. I just need to relax. He thought, as he left them behind.

*J.J./X-Pac*

"So assuming I believe you didn't know I was here. Why did you chase me away from the bar?" J.J. asked, still staring at X-Pac in disbelief.

"I didn't chase you. I followed you. I wanted to talk to you." X-Pac replied, indicating that she should take a seat.

Sure…lets get this overwith. J.J. thought.

"What do you have to say?" J.J. asked, not moving toward a chair.

"He's changed and not for the better. You should reconsider and come back." X-Pac said seriously, knowing she would know exactly who he was talking about.

He doesn't think I've been watching. How can he think I wouldn't keep track of him? J.J. thought, watching him.

"Really J.J., if it was the job or Vince that made you leave. You don't have to deal with that. Just travel with him." He continued.

I wish. J.J. thought.

"I can't do that. It wouldn't work." J.J. said quietly.

"But J.J., you were the best thing to ever happen to him. I never saw him so happy. He's really hurting without you. Fuck J.J. it's nearly as bad as when he first got there with Paul and it's only going to get worse." X-Pac said, sounding really concerned.

"J.J. we both know from experience how he is. When he's hurt or upset he becomes angry to hide it. He's very very angry J.J." He continued before she could respond.

I'd do it in a heartbeat if that were the real reason I'm here and not in his arms. But it's not. Going back would be bad for both of us. J.J. thought, trying not to show her sorrow.

"Don't you think we thought about that before I left. I tried to think of anything that we could do stay together. But as you can see, we're not together." J.J. replied, with an edge of pain to her voice.

"J.J. you have no idea what's been happening." He said. "Kane broke King's jaw intentionally right after you left. He nearly killed Hunter in a cage and he's being absolutely brutal with every match, with everyone. He's even attacked one of the trainers."

I know he has, but eventually he'll find someone else and be happy again. J.J. thought, knowing that was unlikely if he continued behaving as he was.

"So when do you face him?" J.J. asked, already knowing the answer.

"Tomorrow, but that has nothing to do with this." X-Pac said.

"Oh it doesn't? You just said he was being extremely brutal, but you're not worried about it." J.J. said skeptically.

"No, I'm worried about it. I'm always worried when I face him. He's going to beat the shit out of me. I know it and so do most people. But what I'm really worried about is what's going to happen afterward." He said, looking her in the eye.

"DX is going to jump him again right." J.J. said, leaning right into X-Pac's face.

"Yes, they're going to take him out. He's really been pissing Hunter off. I'm sure this time they're going to hospitalize him or worse. He's going to need you more than ever." X-Pac said, forcing himself not to break eye contact.

Shit Shit Shit! J.J. thought, remembering the match where DX used the chairs.

Her stomach flipped, as she recalled watching it with him and seeing it in her dreams.

Oh god, he's right. Kane will need me. But I can't hurt him by showing up like that. Everyone will know I lied. J.J. thought feeling nauseous.

"J.J. please." X-Pac said, with a plaintive note to his voice.

"I can't do it X-Pac. I said I wouldn't and I won't." J.J. said, even though the words tore at her heart.

I told him and myself that I would stay away. I don't think I could keep that vow if I were in the same place as him. J.J. thought, desperately longing to feel him in her arms.

"Damn it J.J. he needs you!" X-Pac insisted.

"What the hell does it matter to you!" J.J. yelled, slapping him in the face.

"You're worse than they ever were. At least he knew what to expect from them. But you… you pretended to be his friend and destroyed him!" J.J. yelled, her hands clenched into fists as she fought the urge to hit him again.

"Oh yeah and you were such a perfect angel walking out on him the way you did. I'm sure having you choose anything over staying with him made him feel great. I may have hurt him you bitch. But I never pretended to love him. I never played with his emotions as badly as you did. I never screwed him, cut off his balls and left the way you did whore." X-Pac yelled back, getting to his feet.

"You ASSHOLE! You have no idea what he means to me." J.J. yelled tearfully, pushing against him as she tried to get past.

"He means so much that you walk away without looking back. Even when you know he'll need you there, you can't be bothered." He growled with obvious fury.

"AAAAGGGHHH!" She screamed, pushing him away with enough force to land him on his ass.

"We're not through!" X-Pac yelled, as she headed for the door.

*J.J./Sandy*

I have to get out of here now! J.J. thought, rushing out of the room.

She could hardly see through her tears, as she began moving through the crowd.

"J.J. what's wrong?" Sandy asked, stepping in front of her.

What? J.J. thought, trying to focus on the person in front of her.

"J.J. what happened!" Sandy said more loudly, grabbing J.J.'s arms to keep her still.

"Nothing, everything. I have to go. You and Roger have been… I hope… I'll see you again." J.J. gulped out between sobs.

Pulling away, J.J. blindly stumbled out the door and into the streets.

Was that goodbye? Is she leaving for good? Sandy wondered, fearing she'd seen the last of her friend.

I can't let her leave like that. Sandy thought, heading out the door after her.

Sandy quickly realized that she'd never catch the younger woman.

*Sandy/Roger*

"Roger!" Sandy said loudly to get his attention.

"What's up?" Roger asked, seeing the worried look on her face.

"It's J.J. she just ran out of here crying her eyes out." Sandy said.

If he's still back there I'm going to find out what the hell he did to her. So help me I'll kill him. Roger thought angrily, as he vaulted over the bar.

"Watch the bar!" He replied, immediately moving into the back.

*X-Pac/Roger*

Shit! What the hell is wrong with you? X-Pac thought, as the door slammed behind her.

First you shock the hell out of her by finding her. You tell her Kane is going crazy and it's her fault. Then you act like she didn't really feel for him, when you know she did. He thought, standing up.

You should have gone after and apologized or something. He told himself.

"It's too late now, she's long gone." He murmured. "You've probably just made everything worse."

"Made what worse?" Roger said from the doorway.

"What? I mean who are you?" X-Pac asked, clearly surprised and flustered.

"My wife and I own this place. You have just run off our friend and decorator. I suggest you start explaining yourself." Roger said, his tone deadly serious.

"Your DECORATOR?" X-Pac stuttered, getting more confused.

"You sound surprised." Roger said, crossing his arms in front of his face.

"I am. That's not what she was doing when I worked with her." X-Pac said, beginning to wonder what J.J. had told them.

This guy does not look like a cop. Roger thought, looking closely at the young man.

"Who are you? Where you in her precinct?" Roger asked.

"She was a cop too?" He said, so confused he fell into a chair.

He was a co-worker but doesn't know she was with the police? Roger thought, staring at the young man.

"You'd better start doing better than this. Or I might start thinking you were trying to hurt her somehow." Roger growled.

X-Pac just stared at him.

"Where did you work with her?" Roger said, trying to get a clear answer from him.

"I worked with her a few months ago." X-Pac said, worried that he'd say something wrong.

"What Company?" Roger practically shouted in frustration.

"Titan Sports." He said quickly.

I hope that was the right thing to say. X-Pac wondered.

"What did she do for them? What did you do?" Roger asked.

"She was a photographer. She took pictures of the events and the athletes. I'm an athlete." He said, intentionally being vague.

She's a photographer? She said she'd taken a few classes in college. Roger thought, saddened that she'd lied to them.

"She's a photographer?" Roger asked sounding both confused and hurt.

She didn't tell them? Why not? X-Pac wondered.

"Best I've ever seen." X-Pac said.

That doesn't matter now, I just need to know what happened here. Roger told himself.

"This isn't why I came back here. I need to know what is going on. Why did you chase her back here?"

"Listen man, I didn't chase her. I was really surprised to see her. I wanted to talk to her, that's it." X-Pac said.

That sounds like a load of shit. Roger thought, staring holes through the young man.

"If that's true why did she run out of here crying?" Roger demanded.

"We were discussing a mutual friend and we got into an argument. She ran out, I thought it would be better if I didn't chase her and push the issue. So I decided to stay here until I could leave without her seeing me." X-Pac said, becoming worried that he was saying way too much.

Talking about a friend caused an argument. I'm going to need boots if this shit gets any deeper. Roger thought, deciding to press him further.

"Who is this friend? Why would that cause an argument? That doesn't make sense." Roger said, stepping further into the room.

She obviously hasn't told them anything about her time with the WWE. X-Pac realized.

"I'm not saying another word about our conversation or anything else. It was a private matter. I'm sorry she got so upset. As for the rest, it seems to me that she didn't tell you much about her past. I shouldn't be the one to tell you about it, she should." X-Pac said turning to leave.

"Are you him?" Sandy asked from the doorway.

"Am I who?" X-Pac asked.

"If you don't know then you aren't." She replied quietly.

"You'd better go. Don't come back." Roger told him.

"Sure I'm gone." X-Pac said, moving toward Sandy.

Roger walked him all the way out the front door.

"Crisis is over, let's have some fun." Roger laughed, as he turned back to the room.

Reaching out, Roger pulled Sandy into an embrace.

"I'm sorry. I should have let you check." Roger said. "I can hold down the fort while you go after her."

"You wouldn't mind?" Sandy asked still concerned about J.J.

"I'm sure baby. But hurry back to me." Roger said, giving her a squeeze.

Sandy moved quickly out the door and into the night.

*Kane*

Once in his room, Kane ordered some food and collapsed onto the couch.

Why the hell do they still cheer me? I've given the beast full reign and shown them what a monster I am. How can they still cheer? Kane wondered, confused by the fans.

None of that really matters right now though. I need to concentrate on my match tomorrow. X-Pac is a tough little shit, but I'm pretty sure I can handle him. Kane thought, trying to plan for everything.

My bigger problem is DX. Hunter is undoubtedly still pissed that I ruined his date. He'll be out for blood. Kane thought.

When it's over, I know Vince is going to suspend me. But I'll be damned if I go down alone. I'm taking Hunter out with me, and as many others as I can. Kane decided.

A knock pulled him from his thoughts. Turning toward the door, he realized that he'd never removed his mask.

Bringing the food in, he tipped the kid and shut the door.

When did I start wearing that? He wondered, staring down at the mask beside his plate.

While he tried to eat. Kane searched his memory for a time when he didn't hide his marred countenance from everyone, including himself.

*Cena*

"You have a package Mr. Cena." The clerk said, handing it to him along with his card key.

"Yes." He whispered, tearing open the paper and seeing a tape inside.

"Yes what?" Kidman asked.

"Just a tape. According to Eddie and Helms a very hot tape." Cena said, smiling in anticipation.

"You're gonna share right?" Kidman asked.

Only because I was stupid enough to tell you what it was. I'd rather be alone in case it is that hot. Cena thought with a sigh.

"Of course, we'll get some of the other guys together and have a few beers." Cena said.

"Great. What time?" Kidman said smiling.

"Nine. Everyone should be here by then." Cena said.

Besides that gives me time for a preview. He thought.


	27. losing the light Chapter 27

Chapter 27

*Pete*

"Maybe a phone call instead of just showing up at his door." Pete thought, as he unpacked the equipment.

"Yeah, that would probably be better. I wouldn't want to risk what happened last time. If someone had seen him, he'd have been suspended again." Pete thought, remembering his last encounter with Kane.

I still can't believe he behaved that way. I never would have seen that coming. He thought, recalling how Kane had pinned him to the wall and clearly indicated that he should leave.

"I can't believe that this is what he really wants. There is something else going on." Pete realized.

"Yeah, I'll call him when I get back to the hotel." He decided.

*Hunter*

Lying back on his bed, Hunter stared at the TV for a few minutes. But he didn't see what was on the screen.

Suddenly smiling, he picked up the phone.

"Is everything set for our party tomorrow?" He asked laughing.

"That's good, and the other things we discussed?" He said after a pause.

"Excellent! I'm looking forward to it too." He said, laughing again as he hung up the phone.

*J.J.*

He's such a dick! I can't believe he said those things. She thought, beginning to run back toward the hotel.

Damn it, you'll never get out of here this way! She told herself angrily, after dropping the keys for the third time.

Getting in at last, she threw the SUV in gear and squealed out of the parking lot.

Through still misty eyes J.J. followed the signs to the highway.

"Shit, I didn't' check out! I guess I'll call in the morning and just have them put it on my card." J.J. decided. "I'll have to remember to call Sandy too. She's bound to be worried."

As she continued to drive her argument with X-Pac ran around and around in her mind.

This is going to make insane if I don't stop. She thought, trying to push the thoughts aside.

Music that's what I need. It'll give me something else to concentrate on. She thought, reaching over and turning on the radio.

Do You Feel For Me

By Colyn Ray

(Tim Johnson)

3 a.m. sit up straight in my bed

Guess I've been dreamin' about you again

I look to my left, oh but something ain't right

'Cause you no longer sleep at my side

Then I turn that old lamp light on

It hurts my eyes to see that you've gone

If wishful thinking could somehow be true

Then you'd feel for me like I feel for you

Do you feel for me like I feel for you

Do you reach out in the middle of the night

To feel if I'm lying there by your side

Do those cold white sheets that you touch make you blue

Do you feel for me like I feel for you

Do you feel for me like I feel for you

Is your sleep as restless as mine

Tossin' and turnin' all through the night

If you search your bed over before the night's through

Then you feel for me like I feel for you

Do you feel for me like I feel for you

Do you reach out in the middle of the night

To feel if I'm lying there by your side

Do those cold white sheets that you touch make you blue

Do you feel for me like I feel for you

Do you feel for me like I feel for you

Do you feel for me like I feel for you

Do you feel for me like I feel for you

I'd give everything to have him back again. J.J. thought, sadly.

I'd do anything… anything but hurt him or embarrass him. She thought, knowing that if she went to him that's exactly what would happen.

*X-Pac*

You are such an Asshole. He thought, as he walked back to his hotel. No wonder she took off. You shock her, blame her for Kane's behavior and act like she intentionally hurt him and doesn't give a shit.

To make things worse. You have the nerve to tell her your friends are going to hurt him, maybe kill him. He told himself. Brilliant.

Your wonderful friends the ones who tricked you into hurting Kane in the first place. They're so good to you, that they'll probably let Kane do some serious damage before they 'rescue' you. X-Pac thought, knowing he'd been pissing Hunter off lately.

"No wonder she freaked out on you. Every word she said is true. You did exactly what she said and more, much more." He muttered, hanging his head.

What she said hurt a lot, but that is no excuse for what I said to her. He thought.

I thought I'd seen him happy when we were hanging together. But it was nothing compared to how happy J.J. made him. I was so thrilled that he'd found someone. X-Pac thought.

I didn't even know they were having problems. At least not until I heard about the scene in the lobby. He thought sadly.

When she left the only one she humiliated was Vince, unlike Tori and me. X-Pac thought.

*Undertaker*

Sitting at the table, Undertaker ran through his mental checklist.

Looks like everything is in order. The matches I wanted are set. Edge and Christian will capture the tag titles. Bradshaw and Faarooq have singles matches to take the Intercontinental and United States belts. After tonight we will have all the gold. He thought. Then Vice will be completely under my thumb.

Now I just have to deal with DX's party plans. I need to make sure the extra guests do not arrive. He decided, remembering the information Edge gave him.

My other surprise is already in the works. He thought, an evil smile playing at his lips.

*Cena/?*

That was definitely everything Eddie said it would be. Cena thought, as he rewound the tape.

A knock on his door made him jump. Yanking his zipper up, he tossed away all the evidence of his preview. Then he went to open the door.

What the hell? I didn't think he'd invite this many guys. Cena thought.

"What did you do invite half the damn roster?" He asked Kidman, when he saw the crowd behind him.

Hell no, I don't even like half these guys. Kidman thought, looking over his shoulder.

"Not quite." Kidman replied. "I invited Crash and he invited a couple and so on."

"Whatever," One of the guys said. "Do we get to see this or not."

"Yeah, so long as you guys brought some beer." Cena said, laughing at their impatience.

"We got plenty." Kidman replied, as Cena stepped back to let them in.

It didn't take long for everyone to get comfortable in front of the TV.

"Everybody ready." Cena asked, enjoying their anticipation.

"Just start the thing already." Crash said impatiently.

That boy has real personality problems. He thought.

Cena took a seat behind everyone and started the movie.

Damn that bitch is hot. I still can't believe the things she does. Cena thought, watching both the movie and his guests.

Look at them squirming around. They don't look comfortable at all. He thought, commiserating with them as his own jeans became uncomfortably tight.

Cena tried not to laugh as one by one they headed to the bathroom.

That is hilarious. He thought, as Holly and another guy fought over who was next, neither taking their eyes off the screen while they waited.

"Man Kidman said you had a hot tape. But I had no idea how hot." One of the guys said as the tape ended.

"I didn't know how hot either." Kidman said.

"We get to borrow this right, or have copies." Crash said, his expression one of pure lust.

I don't know. If I make copies Eddie will be pissed. If I lend it to them and they make copies, Eddie with think I did it and be pissed anyway. The last time I pissed him off I was out for like three weeks with broken ribs. No thanks. He thought, before answering.

"It isn't mine." Cena said, with a shrug. "I borrowed it from Eddie and he said NO COPIES."

What a chicken shit! Oh Eddie will be mad. Crash thought.

"Oh come on!" Crash said. "Like he'd know if we made a few copies."

Don't let these guys convince you to do it. It would be a really bad idea. None of them will back you against Eddie or Helms. Cena thought to himself.

"I am not going to be the one that pisses Eddie off. Him and Helms will kill me if I make copies. I gave my word." Cena said firmly.

"So can we borrow it?" Kidman asked.

No they'll just make copies and again I'm fucked. Cena decided.

"I'll give it back to Eddie and you guys can ask him." Cena said, no wanting to break his word to the older man.

That's nuts he should be able to trust me. Kidman thought.

"I thought we were friends." Kidman said.

"We are, but I just can't do it." Cena replied, beginning to sound frustrated.

"Wuss." Crash said. "I'll talk to Eddie in the morning. Then we'll see about copies."

Good, you do that. Then when you make copies you will be the one on the injury list. Cena thought, almost hoping to see it happen. It would serve the little shit right.

"Do what you want. But I don't want to know anything about it." Cena said, ushering them out the door.

Sitting back down he rewound the tape, and hit play again.

Stepping into an alcove, he hid himself from the approaching group.

"Naah I'll talk to Eddie. I know he'll give the tape up to us. Then we can do what we want. I ain't afraid of the guy, even if Cena is." Crash said, as he walked down the hall.

"If you get a copy I want one. That J.J. broad is incredible. Best porn I've seen in quite a while." Kidman said.

"That was no porn. That was a home movie. But whoever did the filming was a pro. He had all the best shots." Another one of the guys added.

Perfect, I knew that idiot Chuck would pass that tape around. This is happening even faster than I anticipated. I'd better step up the rest of my plans, so everything will be ready in time. He thought, suppressing his laughter as the group passed right in front of him.

?

Have fun guys while you can. As soon as he finds out about your little film festival you are all screwed. Kane will take you out, no doubt about it. He thought, waiting until he was sure they were gone before stepping back into the hall.

Passing by one of the rooms, he stopped and listened.

This must be Cena's room. He must really like the show if he's watching it again so soon after his friends left. He thought, smiling with the knowledge that the rookie roster was going to be seriously light in a very short time.

I hope Vince won't be too upset. He thought, not really caring what Vince thought.

*Pete/Kane*

Kane's always really tense on show days. I don't want to bother him then. Pete thought.

But it's not that late. I could call him tonight. Pete thought, reaching for the phone.

He listened as the phone rang, hoping Kane would pick up.

Who the hell would call me? Kane wondered, turning to stare at the phone.

"Come on Kane, pick up damn it." Pete muttered, as it continued to ring.

It's got to be Pete. Only him and J.J. have ever actually expected me to pick up. He thought, moving toward the phone.

Finally! Pete thought, when the ringing stopped abruptly.

Shit! I can't do this. What if he finds out? Kane thought, putting the receiver back in the cradle.

"Damn it Kane, I know you answered." Pete said angrily. "I heard the fucking TV."

*Kane*

You idiot, you almost got Pete's family hurt. Kane berated himself as he paced.

What the hell were you thinking? You don't know he's tapped the phone. This could have been you one chance to tell him what's happening. Then he'd stop trying. Kane thought, pacing more quickly.

You also don't know that he isn't listening. He could be, and one little conversation could ruin Pete's life. He thought, flopping down onto the sofa.

He sat for a while, watching the TV blindly and trying to find some way to get Pete to back off once and for all.

*Pete*

What's he doing? He had to know who it was. No one else would have expected an answer. Pete thought, resisting the urge to hurl the telephone across the room.

There has to be a reason he's doing this. Why doesn't he just tell me what it is? I'm reasonable. If it were a good reason, I'd back off. Pete thought, beginning to pace.

I can't think of anything I did to piss him off. Unless he found out I'm talking to J.J.! If he did find out, he might be angry enough to act like he is." Pete said quietly.

I know, I'll call and leave a voice mail explaining why I'm still talking to her. Pete said, smiling and reaching for the phone.

*Sandy*

Sandy walked quickly toward the Red Roof Inn.

These are the longest two blocks I've ever walked. Sandy thought, feeling aggravated that it seemed to be taking forever.

Getting to the Inn she walked directly to the Clerk.

Good it's Randy. He knows me, so he probably won't give me a hard time. She thought.

"Randy, what room is Mrs. Jaston in please?" Sandy asked.

"Mrs. Jaston is in room 314. But I haven't seen her all day." Randy replied.

Haven't seen her all day. But she had to have come here… where else would she go? Sandy wondered, becoming more concerned.

"She didn't… but she…" Sandy stuttered in shock.

"Not that I know of Mrs. Panne. But I could have missed her." He replied.

I have to check on her. After what happened, who knows how upset she is? She decided.

"Could I go up? I'm really worried about her." She said.

"Is she ill? Should I call someone?" He asked, sounding concerned.

"She was really upset and I need to know that she's ok." Sandy said.

"Let me send security up with you, just in case." He said, picking up the phone.

Thank God he understands. Sandy thought gratefully.

"Thanks Randy, that would be great." Sandy said.

"Mel, could you take Mrs. Panne up to room 314. If her friend doesn't open take her inside." Randy said.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Panne, but he'll have to go in with you. It's policy." Randy said.

"I understand." Sandy said, anxious to get upstairs.

*X-Pac*

Getting back to his room, X-Pac threw himself across the bed.

I have to find out where she's staying. At the very least I owe her an apology. X-Pac thought.

I couldn't show up there, she'd kill me. But I could send her some flowers or something. He decided.

But how do I find out? He wondered. I don't have much time.

He lay there a while, running different methods through his mind.

"None of that will work. Maybe I should just drop flowers and a card off at her job. I won't seal the envelope. That way they can be sure it's not going to upset her again." He muttered.

He continued lying there a little longer then, got up and changed.

Looking over at his phone, he saw the message light flashing.

"Good, I won't have to room with Miss. Bleached Brain. That's a relief." X-Pac thought, after listening to the message.

*DX*

There aren't enough keys. Chyna realized, as Hunter walked away.

There should be three rooms left, but there are only two. Chyna thought, turning toward the desk.

"Excuse me… there's been some kind of mistake." She said, as she approached the desk.

Shit a screw up. Just what we need when Hunter is already pissed. Jessie thought.

"What kind of mistake?" The clerk asked, staring openly at Chyna's chest.

Typical overgrown boy… can't even keep his eyes on my face. Chyna thought, forcing herself not to slap him.

"We don't have enough rooms. We should have had a total of four rooms reserved under Helmsley. But we only received three sets of keys." Chyna said, keeping calm and friendly by sheer will.

Hitting him will not accomplish your goal. You'll just embarrass him, and then he won't be any help at all. Chyna reminded herself.

Calm, Billy thought, looking at Chyna. Don't let your temper make this worse.

"Helmsley?" The clerk muttered, turning towards the computer.

"There's been no mistake. One of the rooms was cancelled on Friday morning." He said.

Shit who the hell would do that? If I find out it was a prank, I'll kill whoever did it. Billy thought.

"Who cancelled it?" Chyna asked, suspecting a prank.

"It was cancelled by Mr. Helmsley." He replied.

Hunter cancelled it? That idiot. Chyna thought, getting more pissed.

"OK, which room was cancelled?" She asked.

If he cancelled mine he's a dead man. She thought, already getting angrier.

"It was a double occupancy under Sean." He said.

My room? He cancelled My room! Tori thought. Why would he do that? He knows he makes me room with the kid.

Awesome our room isn't touched. We're all set. Billy thought, looking at Jessie.

Why the hell would he cancel the room? I know he's pissed with the kid, but to stick me with super bimbo is just too much. Chyna thought, getting pissed.

"Ok, then we'll need another room." She said.

Another room will take care of this easily enough. Chyna thought.

"I'm sorry, but we don't have any rooms available. There is a major event for the WWF in town." He replied with a shrug.

Shit! Jessie thought, knowing the situation wasn't good.

Last time those two had to room together, Tori ended up locking herself in the bathroom. She claimed that Chyna had tried to throw her out the window. I don't doubt it, the same thought has occurred to me. Billy thought.

Does that mean I'm stuck rooming with the Amazon from hell? Tori thought worriedly.

"We are WITH the WWF and I demand another room." Tori said, stamping her foot.

"I'm really sorry, but I have absolutely nothing left." He replied.

Vince is going to be mad and he might make me wrestle. If Chyna doesn't kill me first. Tori thought, terrified at the thought.

"You have to find something. We're SUPPOSED to stay here." Tori whined loudly.

"You could easily put two in a room." He said, trying to end the scene Tori was making.

Two in a room means I have to room with HER. Tori thought, beginning to panic.

"But…But." Tori said, trying to come up with another argument.

She's going to embarrass us if she doesn't stop. Chyna thought, knowing she'd have to end this herself.

"Enough!" Chyna said, tired of the stares Tori was attracting.

So help me if you say one more word… Chyna thought, when Tori opened her mouth to continue.

Now that she's not busy, maybe we can go get settled. Billy thought.

"So can me and Jessie have our key?" Billy asked hopefully.

I am not rooming with her. I don't care if she has to find someone willing to share their bed with her. Chyna thought, trying to decide what to do.

"Sure, but you to get Tori too." Chyna said smiling sweetly.

"What?!" Billy cried. "No way, we ain't taking her and putting three in our room so you can have a single.

I'll let them work it out. I'm holding the keys. Chyna thought, beginning to really smile.

"Guess you guys better work it out then." She said, tossing Tori the key.

Tori missed and the keys bounced off her chest. Before she could recover, Billy already had it.

"Let's go Jessie." Billy said, telling the nearby bellman which room to bring their gear to.

"What about me… You can't leave me here." Tori yelled.

No way! I'm getting in that room. Tori thought, not wanting Hunter pissed too.

"Follow them." She snapped at the man with her bags.

"You know Hunter isn't going to like this. He won't go after Chyna, he'll come for us." Jessie said, as the elevator doors closed in Tori's face.

"I never said she couldn't room with us. I just want to get up there and claim a bed. That way I'm not the one who ends up on a fold out cart." Billy said with a wicked smile.

"I like the way you think. But once we stick her with the fold out, how do we survive her whining." Jessie asked, already getting a headache.

"I plan on showing her the window. Then telling her that unlike Chyna, I'd catch her." Billy said.

"You my friend are a very cruel man." Jessie said shaking his head, as Billy opened their door.

"That's why we're such great partners." Billy replied, slapping Jessie in the back hard enough to send him over the threshold and into the room.

As he walked to his chosen bed, Billy paused to open the window.

A gentle knock on the open door made Billy turn.

"Bring it on in." He said, waving the Bellman forward.

Each of them grabbed a couple of their bags and tossed them on the beds they'd claimed.

"That should make the message clear." Jessie said, turning to smile at Billy.

"We're going to need a fold out cot." Jessie said, tipping the bellman.

"Here she comes." Billy said, from the doorway.

Leaving the door open he went to lay out on his bed. Jessie just began unpacking.

"What where's my bed. I won't sleep on the floor." Tori said, already gearing up to whine.

"Jess already asked them to bring your bed in." Billy said, trying to keep from laughing.

"Hey where do I put my things." Tori asked, when she saw the two guys dividing up the dressers.

"We're going to give you the whole closet to yourself." Jessie said.

"Oh, That sounds ok." Tori said, wondering why they were suddenly so nice.

Just then the Bellman returned with the fold out bed.

"That's my bed. I can't sleep in that! I won't' get any sleep at all, then I'll look bad on camera." Tori started shouting even before the bed had been unfolded.

Billy just kept getting his things unpacked.

One…, two…, three…, four…, five, … Jessie began counting silently, hoping by the time he got to ten he would be calmer.

Billy waited until the door closed, before turning to face Tori.

I'll just make one of them sleep on that thing. Tori thought.

"I demand one of you change beds with me immediately." Tori said, before Billy could open his mouth.

"You demand, You whine, You pout and You bitch. Guess what We're sick of it. You will shut up and unpack. Then tonight you will sleep on that bed without any complaints." Jessie growled with obvious anger, before spinning to face the blonde.

"What if I don't!" Tori shouted.

The words weren't even out of her mouth, when both guys grabbed her. They brought her to the window and made sure she could see how far down it was.

"Unlike Chyna we'll catch you." Billy said, reminding her about Chyna's threat.

Would they really do it? How can they treat a lady this way? It's terrible. Everyone is always so mean to me. Tori thought, beginning to cry.

"Ok," Tori said tearfully.

"Don't start the waterworks either. If you don't like it, you can always find somewhere else to sleep. Though I can't think of anyone you haven't already slept with." Billy said, smiling with pure malice.

Hunter will make them be nice. Tori thought, gaining confidence.

"You're both horrible! I'm going to tell Hunter about this right now." Tori threatened.

"Go ahead. He's in such a good mood, I'm sure he'd love to hear all about this. It's just the thing he likes to deal with the night before a Pay Per View."

Tori turned, stomping out of the room and down to Hunter's door. She raised her hand and knocked.

"What! It better be Fucking important!" She heard from inside.

He's mad! Tori thought, backing away.

Wait, he didn't seem very happy when we got here. They're just trying to get you in bigger trouble. Tori realized belatedly.

Turning, she ran down the hall and into an alcove.

"Who the hell just knocked on my door." Hunter shouted angrily, when he saw no one in the hall.

"I can't believe she actually went to his room." Billy said.

"We've always known she wasn't that bright. But hell that was flat out a blonde thing to do." Jessie said.

"Wait a minute you asshole I'm blonde." Billy said, throwing a pillow at him.

Jessie just caught it and smiled.

*Pete*

Picking up the receiver, Pete quickly dialed Kane's number.

He's going to ignore it this time. Pete thought as he listened to it ring.

"Kane, it's Pete. I called because I really need to say something." Pete said.

Wait a minute! What if he doesn't know about J.J.? I'd be giving it away and probably make things worse. Pete realized suddenly. Now what do I say?

"I um.. wanted to apologize for whatever it was I did to make you angry. I can't imagine what it could be. But it was obviously really bad. Please give me a chance to make it right. Please call me or talk to me, anything. I just want a chance to work it out." Pete said, more quickly than he'd intended.

That wasn't too bad. Maybe it will even work. Pete decided.

"Just one minute of your time Kane, that's all I ask." Pete added before hanging up.

*J.J.*

I can't fall asleep at the wheel. J.J. thought, as her sight began to blur.

"I'll have to find a hotel really soon." She thought, beginning to look for a sign.

As she was looking she saw that she was heading south toward 'Silver City'.

What am I doing? I'm heading right for him. J.J. realized, becoming more alert.

"What a bonehead move. But I'm too tired to choose another direction." J.J. muttered, still looking for a hotel.

By the time she found one, she was exhausted.

*Kane*

There isn't anything I can do to make Pete back off. He's the only one who still tries to get me checked out when he thinks I'm hurt. I've already threatened him. Most guys would be running in the other direction by now. But not Pete, he just doesn't quit. Kane thought shaking his head.

Finally giving up on finding an answer, Kane got up and headed into the bedroom.

There he goes again. Kane thought, when the phone began ringing.

I'll deal with it in the morning. Kane decided, when he saw the message light come on.

Stripping off his shirt, he put it beside his mask for easy access. Then Kane lay down on his stomach with his arms under the pillow.

Closing his eyes he began to quickly drift off.

**** Dreaming ****

"That's it just relax." J.J. said, leaning down to whisper into his ear.

"I can't have you all tense when you face X-Pac tomorrow." She practically sighed, her breath tickling his ear.

That is so nice. He thought, feeling her hands begin to run along his back.

"We're going to get you all nice and loose, so you'll sleep like a baby. We want you well rested and alert." She said, beginning to truly massage his back.

I can think of a better way to put me to sleep. Kane thought, smiling up at her.

"I know you'd rather get tired out another way. But we know what happens when we try to do that. You don't end up getting any sleep at all." J.J. said, running her hands up his back again.

True, but it's still more fun. Kane thought, enjoying the massage.

**** End Dream ****

Waking up Kane just lay in bed.

I don't think I have ever been this relaxed in my life. Kane thought, feeling like he was made of rubber.

Rolling over, he stared at the ceiling and simply enjoyed how good and refreshed he felt.

I'm not sure I can get up at all. He thought lethargically.

I can't remember a time when I slept so well, or felt this good. He thought, remembering the dream.

Almost immediately, he felt his muscles begin to tense up.

You can't keep being angry with her, when you're the one who walked. Maybe if I could forgive her for not telling me, the memories wouldn't hurt so much. He thought.

I don't know if I can, but I should at least try. He decided, finally getting up.

Kane spent the day trying to plan a way to defend himself against DX.

*Sandy*

Getting up to the room, Sandy knocked loudly on the door.

Come on J.J. be there. I need to know you're ok. Damn it, open the door. Sandy thought, turning her knock into outright pounding.

"I think she would have answered by now Mrs. Panne." Mel said, not sure how to react.

"Could you let me in." Sandy asked, her voice shaking a little.

"Certainly." He responded beginning to unlock the door.

"I think I should go in first, just in case." Mel said, hoping he wouldn't find anything upsetting wrong inside.

"But…" Sandy began before realizing why he might want that. "But she couldn't have…"

Sandy watched anxiously while the young man entered.

"It's ok." He said, calling Sandy into the room. "It looks clean. Like she packed herself. There isn't any sign of anything wrong at all."

Sandy entered and quickly began looking around.

It looks like she packed everything. But she couldn't have had time to do that. At least not as carefully as this. It even looks as if the room has been cleaned today and not disturbed afterward. Sandy thought, getting more confused.

Opening up a couple of drawers she found them.

One set of clothes and something to sleep in. Why would that be the only thing here? I know she was planning on leaving soon. But did she expect trouble last night? Sandy wondered, becoming very concerned.

She picked up the few clothes and started walking toward the door.

"Ma'am you can't take those." Mel said.

"She won't be back." Sandy said sadly.

"How do you know?" Mel asked, unsure how to proceed.

"I don't know. Just a feeling." Sandy said.

"Even so Mrs. Panne, I can't let you take those." Mel said.

"Ok." Sandy said quietly, putting them back in the drawer.

Together they left the room and headed downstairs.

"Randy, if she doesn't come back can you send her things over to the restaurant?" Sandy asked, once they'd reached the lobby.

"Sure thing." Randy replied. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm not sure. But there isn't anything else I can do." Sandy said, beginning to walk away.

"Wait… do you have someone named Sean Waltman registered?" Sandy asked suddenly.

"I shouldn't but for you I'll take a look." Randy said.

If he's here too, that would explain why she didn't come back here. Sandy thought.

"Mrs. Panne, do you know what she drives? We could check the parking lot for her vehicle." Mel said.

"No I don't. She always walked to work." Sandy replied, realizing again how little she knew about J.J.

"Sorry, no one by that name. You could check over at the Inn. The guy might be staying there." Randy said.

"No, it doesn't matter." Sandy replied sounding dejected.

"I'll be sure to call if I see her." Randy said, as he watched the woman walk toward the entrance.

*Mel/Randy*

"What was that all about?" Mel asked.

"I have no idea. J.J. seemed really nice. She never complained about anything. Even…" Randy started to say.

"Wait oh shit… she thought she was being stalked, could this be the same guy?" Randy suddenly said.

"Did she say who by?" Mel asked. "I should have known about something like that."

"No… she only suspected it. But she did speak with Aaron about getting the guy's name." Randy said.

"We'd better talk to him first thing in the morning. If it's the same guy we may need the police." Mel said.

"Damn I hope not. Sandy and Roger are great. I would hate to think of something happening to their friend." Randy said.

*Sandy/Roger*

Walking into the stepping stone, Sandy could see that the party was starting to wind down. A quick glance at the clock showed that it was nearly two am.

That makes sense. J.J. thought, trying to put on a happy face for her remaining guests.

Sandy gave Roger a 'we'll talk later' look and once again joined in with the crowd.

Little by little the people took their leave, until at last the 'Stepping Stone' was empty.

"What happened?" Roger asked even as he locked the door.

"She's gone. Her room is empty except for a sleep shirt and a change of clothes. I don't know if her car is gone, because I never saw it. Roger, I don't even know what she drives." Sandy said, obviously upset by the revelation.

"Relax Sandy, she probably just went for a walk after she left here. When she gets back to the hotel she'll call." He said reassuringly.

At least that's what I hope happened. If she's hurt or something Sandy will never forgive herself. We'll always know we could have stopped it from happening. Roger thought, trying not to show his concern.

"I don't know babe. It feels bad." Sandy said.

"You're just tired. In the morning everything will be better." He said, beginning to steer her toward the stairs.

"Roger the Mess." Sandy said.

"I'll take care of it. You go have a nice long bath and relax." He said, clearly seeing how upset she was.

"But…" Sandy began.

"That's an order. Now behave yourself woman and get upstairs." Roger said in a commanding voice.

Unable to help herself Sandy giggled.


	28. losing the light Chapter 28

Chapter 28

*Crash/Kidman/Eddie*

"Come on Kidman, you know he won't lend it to me. He doesn't like me." Crash said.

Most people don't like you so what's one more. Kidman thought.

"I guess so." He said, wanting to see it again.

Question is, do I want to do Crash any favors. He's always getting people into trouble. He thought, looking at the blonde.

He's stalling. What the hell is his problem? Crash wondered.

"Come on man. You know you wanna see it again, under less crowded conditions." Crash said, nudging Kidman's arm.

He definitely has a point. Kidman thought.

"Oh what the hell, I'll do it." Kidman said, getting up and walking toward Eddie.

"Hey Eddie, ok if I join you for a minute?" Kidman asked the older man.

I'm awful popular with the younger crowd lately. Eddie thought.

"Sure take a seat." Eddie said.

Kidman sat fidgeting with a napkin.

How do I ask about it without sounding like a horny teenager? Kidman wondered, trying to come up with the words.

He wants the tape. Eddie realized with amusement.

"Well…" Kidman started. "Last night.. um Cena showed us a tape. Me and the guys wondered if we could borrow it when he brings it back."

Why wouldn't he just borrow it from Cena? Eddie wondered.

"Why ask me?" Eddie said.

"Because Cena wouldn't hand it over." Crash said from behind them.

"Crash what are you doing?" Kidman asked him. "I thought you wanted me to handle it?"

"I did but you were taking too long." Crash said.

"Whatever!" Eddie growled. "I'll decide once I get it back."

"Good." Crash said.

If it were just Kidman, I wouldn't have a problem. But that Crash kid is just too weird. Eddie thought.

Kidman got up and grabbed Crash's arm, dragging him away.

"You idiot, you might have just blown it." Kidman said, sounding aggravated.

"Why? If he won't share, Cena said Helms had a copy too. I'm sure he'll part with it." Crash said.

"And you know this because?" Kidman asked.

"Don't worry about it." Crash said.

Why does that make me worry even more? Kidman wondered.

*Pete*

Why the hell are hotel bedroom always so damn bright? Pete wondered, letting his eyes painfully adjust to the sunlight.

I wonder if Kane's gotten my message yet. He thought, getting up.

"I'm glad I caught myself before telling him about J.J. He'd only be angrier because I'd kept it from him. He'd definitely see it as betrayal." Pete muttered to himself.

If he does know, maybe he'll tell you. Then you can get this mess worked out. Pete thought hopefully.

I don't want him anymore upset with me than he already is. I have a bad feeling about tonight. If he does get hurt, none of the others will force the issue. But I will. Pete thought, knowing that if it came to that he'd be there no matter what.

*X-Pac*

I wonder just how mad Hunter will be about my little disappearing act? X-Pac wondered, as he pulled onto the highway.

I guess at the very least they'll be slow to respond when Kane's killing me. Hunter will make sure of it. But how late? That is the real question. X-Pac thought, as he drove.

Will they be so late that I'll end up in the hospital? It wouldn't take Kane very long to do that. X-Pac realized.

Is Kane still angry enough to do that? It's been months since I screwed him. Hopefully he's chilled somewhat about that. X-Pac thought, trying to be positive.

*Sandy/Roger*

Sandy had just finished the breakfast dishes when she heard knock.

"Roger could you get that?" She called out.

Thought he didn't answer, she heard him move. Then she heard a soft conversation being held.

"What is it babe?" Sandy asked, still wiping her hands as she walked toward him.

"It's from that Waltman kid." Roger said, setting two baskets of flowers on the bar.

"Flowers?" Sandy said with surprise.

"Yeah, looks like one is for us and the other for J.J." Roger said, sounding a little upset.

"It's an apology." Sandy said, reading the card.

"It doesn't matter does it, the boy should have come to apologize face to face." Roger said.

"He was afraid J.J. would be here and didn't want to upset her again." Sandy replied, handing Roger the card.

Roger growled softly as he read the card himself.

"His note to her said about the same thing." Sandy said, as she read it.

"Do the cards give any idea where he's staying?" Roger asked, looking at the back of the one he held.

"Nothing on this one. But I know he isn't staying at the Red Roof. I asked Randy about it last night." Sandy replied with a shrug.

"That actually does help. He didn't go toward the parking lot when he left. That means he had to be staying near by." Roger said.

"At the INN." Sandy said, finishing his thought.

"Do you want to go, or shall I?" Roger asked, knowing one of them would end up there.

"You know Darrel better, so it should probably be you." Sandy said smiling.

"You're right as usual." Roger laughed.

*Hercules*

How the hell did Undertaker find out I was supposed to go for Kane tonight? Hercules wondered, as he walked down the hall.

I never thought he'd find out, or even care if he did. After all he's done more to screw his little brother than everyone else put together. Hercules thought, going into his shared locker room.

Looking around for a moment, he soon found his partner.

I have to tell Earthquake what's going on. Hercules thought, not looking forward to the conversation.

"We have to drop the plans." He said.

What is this idiot talking about? Earthquake wondered, looking at the wild haired big man. Is he chickening out?

"Why? Did Hunter charge his mind?" Earthquake asked, hoping that he was wrong.

He's not going to like this. Hercules thought.

"No, Undertaker caught me a few minutes ago." Hercules started. "He wanted to talk about our plans for tonight."

What did he do to piss the Undertaker off? He should know better than attract that kind of attention. Earthquake thought.

"What does that matter? He doesn't give a shit about Kane." Earthquake said smiling.

He's really not seeing this. Hercules thought surprised. And they say I'm stupid.

"He does now." Hercules said, watching the smile disappear from Earthquake's face.

Undertaker suddenly cares about Kane. That can't be right. Earthquake thought.

"What?" He asked, not sure he'd heard correctly.

I guess I'll just have to spell it out. Hercules thought aggravated.

"Undertaker said that anyone who helps Hunter or attacks Kane deals with him." Hercules said, his expression a mixture of confusion and fear.

Hunter will kill us if we back out. Earthquake thought fearfully.

"But Hunter…" Earthquake said.

I don't know about him, but I think I'd rather face Hunter than deal with the Undertaker's ministry. Hercules thought.

"I think I'd rather face down DX than the Ministry." Hercules said. "You can go ahead if you want, but I'm out."

He's just going to back out, just like that! Earthquake thought, getting both angry and afraid.

"You can't do this to me Hercules. We had a plan." Earthquake replied angrily.

Can and will. Hercules thought. If you go for it anyway, it's on your head.

"You're on your own Quake." Hercules said turning away.

"I'm going to kick your ass for this." Earthquake said.

"You're welcome to try." Hercules said, walking out the door.

*Edge*

Wow, that was close. Edge thought, as the Undertaker turned and walked away.

Now to find out why Hercules looked so upset. Edge thought, moving to catch up with the big man.

I never thought I'd see the day. Edge thought, listening to Hercules and Earthquake talk.

Undertaker actually threatened Hercules and demanded that he change his plans. Edge thought, still shocked.

I mean we've gone after DX a few times on Kane's behalf. But that's usually more for us than for Kane. He remembered.

He's confusing me more and more every day. Edge thought, quickly moving away from the door.

It's a good thing Undertaker didn't' see me. He'd kill me for sure. He thought, going into the Ministry locker room.

Oh shit! Edge thought, stepping through the door.

*Kane*

Arriving at the arena, Kane sat outside and stared at the building.

What are you doing? It's just another arena, it's no different than any of the others you've been in. He told himself, trying to ignore the feeling that there was something special he should look for tonight.

Knock it off, the only thing you have to watch for is DX tricks. They probably have plenty planned for tonight. Just because it's a PPV doesn't mean they will only go for you in the ring. He reminded himself, getting out of his rental and heading inside.

I'm four hours early. I can't believe they are here already. Kane thought, seeing all the fans crowding the entrance seeking autographs.

He signed a few before he could get inside. Then he headed for his locker room.

That's not right. The door shouldn't be open. It should be locked. Kane thought warily.

It's got to be some kind of trick, but I'm not falling for it. Kane thought, stepping forward and kicking the door open.

When he did, he watched in shock as a bucket dropped dumping liquid on the floor. With some of it splashing up onto his legs.

GAS! He thought, as the stench reached his nose.

An instant later, there was a flash at the bottom of the door and the pool exploded into flame.

Then he was stumbling backward in shock, as the doorway was engulfed.

FIRE! SHIT! Kane thought, as the flash sent his heart to his throat.

He could feel it pounding there, as if it were trying to escape. His breath became trapped in his chest, the second the first wave of heat brushed against him. For a moment, he was again that little boy. He was trapped and helpless, as the flames melted the flesh from his body.

He could feel the scream building inside him, but he steeled himself and kept it at bay.

If I hadn't… that would have been me. Kane realized, his shock turning to vicious anger in a heartbeat.

Still clutching his bag, he spun toward the main hallway, only to see a crowd of people standing there.

"What did you do?" He heard from someone in that group.

It had to be Hunter, but trying to kill me is one hell of a way to pay me back for ruining his stupid date. Kane thought, staring into the flames for a second. He wants to play rough… he doesn't know the meaning of the word.

Kane didn't say a word. He just pushed his way through and toward the DX locker room.

I'm going to kill him. If he's smart and admits it, I'll make it fast. Kane thought, as he stormed down the hall.

Before he got far, Kane was surrounded by security.

What the hell is going on? What do they want? Kane thought, still not thinking clearly and surprised by their presence.

"Until we find out what happened, you aren't going anywhere." The Lead officer said.

No way… this is nuts. This time no one stops me. He thought, staring at them with a mixture of confusion and anger.

Kane moved as if to push through them.

"I wouldn't do that." He said. "We don't want to have to call the police and cause problems for Vince.

Like I care if Vince has a bad day. Kane thought his anger quickly erasing his confusion.

Then again, if I kill Hunter, he can't admit he did this. If that happens I'll definitely end up in prison for the arson at the very least. But more likely for Hunter' s murder. I'm not sure he's worth it. Kane thought, stopping and forcing himself to think clearly.

But he tried to burn me he needs to die! Kane thought, arguing against his better judgment.

Kane stood his ground, still breathing hard both with residual fear and rising anger.

*?*

That worked even better than I planned. He thought.

For a moment there I thought the fool had actually missed my 'signs' and walk right into the room. If he had he'd definitely have been screwed. He said to himself.

I'd have been really pissed if our little game had to end so soon. He thought maliciously, as he stood with the crowd watching Kane.

I'd love to know what is going through his mind right now. He thought, watching Kane stare into the flames.

*Roger/Darrel*

"Darrel, did you have a good time last night." Roger asked, as he walked into the Inn.

"Sure did. But I knew any party you and Sandy threw would be wild." Darrel said smiling.

"It wasn't supposed to be." Roger said returning his smile.

"Of course not." He replied with a short laugh. "Now I know that isn't the real reason you stopped by."

"You always do cut to the chase don't you?" Roger said. "But you're right. I was wondering if you had a Sean Waltman staying here."

"I did until this morning. If he hadn't left on his own, I planned on encouraging it." Darrel said.

"Why would you do that? With the Red Roof here now, you need the business." Roger said.

"I was there last night Roger. I saw your friend J.J. take off in tears. Then I saw you walk the guy out. I put two and two together." He said.

"So he left this morning." Roger asked.

"Yeah, but after he left I opened the guest book to sign him out and found something odd. I didn't think anything of it when he signed in, I just thought it was a nick name. But well maybe you should see it." Darrel said, turning the book to face Roger.

"X-Pac? What the hell is an X-Pac?" Roger asked.

"I have no idea." Darrel replied.

"You should ask some of the kids. Maybe he's with one of those bands they listen to." Darrel added.

"I just may do that." He said seriously. "I really appreciate what you were willing to do on our behalf. And of course for the information."

"You really want to know who he was don't you." Darrel asked.

"You know me. I always look out for my friends, and J.J. was a friend." Roger said.

"So she left too?" Darrel asked.

"Yeah, seems right after she left the bar. She didn't even say good bye or check out of the Red Roof." Roger said shaking his head. "Sandy was worried sick."

"I don't doubt it. Did she get in touch at all?" Darrel asked, worried about Sandy.

"Yeah, she called this morning." He said.

"I'll keep my ears open." Darrel said.

"Thanks, oh and hey Sandy said to get your ass over soon for dinner. Says you're getting too skinny." Roger said.

"Sure thing. You know if she weren't your wife I'd chase her myself." Darrel laughed as Roger walked away.

"I know." Roger laughed.

*Hunter/Vince*

"What do you want?" Vince snapped, as Hunter barged into his office.

"What are you going to do about that freak?" Hunter growled.

"Nothing." Vince replied, still looking through the papers on his desk.

"I don't mean today. I know he has a match. After the event how are you going to deal with him?" Hunter replied, restating the question.

"I'm not." Vince replied nonchalantly.

"Damn it Vince pay ATTENTION!" Hunter yelled, slamming his fist down on the desk.

"I heard every word Hunter." Vince said.

"He attacks me outside a bar with a two by four and you're going to do nothing!" Hunter said, his voice rising with every word.

"I know what really happened Hunter. If you don't back off everyone will." Vince said calmly.

"I'll get you for this." Hunter said.

"Make a move and I'll tell the world you were beaten up by a cocktail waitress. How Big was she anyway, five two?" Vince asked, standing up and glaring into Hunter eyes.

"Don't forget I could do the same to you." Hunter said, turning to go.

Without another word, Hunter stormed out of the office.

"Damn that felt good." Vince thought, sitting down.

*Outlaws/Tori*

We actually got a quite night, even with Tori here. Billy thought with amazement.

It had to be the way Jessie told her off. I've never seen him pissed like that before. When she started making demands and Jessie went off, I actually feared for her health. Billy thought, looking over at his sleeping partner.

I just hope she doesn't bitch to Hunter. He probably wouldn't be very happy about it. He thought. I thought I'd have to kill him when we first teamed up. His moving around and waking me up so this early used to dive me nuts. Jessie remembered, when he heard Billy get up.

But I've kinda gotten used to it. That is, when he isn't in one of his ball busting moods. When he's like that, he messes with me and I actually have to get out of bed to beat the hell out of him. Jessie thought, letting his mind wander.

"What the…" Jessie yelled, as his covers were suddenly yanked off.

"Rise and Shine Partner." Billy said loudly, standing there in just a towel and dancing out of reach and beginning to laugh.

"You are so DEAD!" Jessie shouted, jumping to his feet and tackling Billy.

"AAAA! What are you two doing." They heard Tori scream.

That's horrible. Two guys wrestling like that. Tori thought, grossed out by the display.

Her shout startled both men and they froze.

"I can't believe it, you two are acting like idiots." Tori shouted accusingly.

Now's my chance. Jessie thought, grabbing Billy's arm and flipping him onto his stomach.

"Jessie, damn it. MY TOWEL!" Billy yelled, trying to escape the hammer lock Jessie held.

That's even worse. If Billy wasn't face down he'd be completely… he'd be showing everything. I don't mind when it's with me… but the two of them? Gross. She thought.

"You two are disgusting. One in a towel and the other only in boxers. You should be more respectful when you room with a lady." Tori said in an angry tone.

"We are, WHEN we're around a lady." Billy said.

How can he say that? I'm a lady… I'm I'm. Tori thought her anger getting the better of her.

"Why you…" Tori began.

I can't believe she's this upset. Hell she's done almost all of the roster and some of the crew. She was doing Billy nearly the entire time she was with Kane. Jessie thought, remembering how many times he'd caught them together.

"Tori we're not showing you anything you haven't seen before…" Jessie said.

She's done a hell of a lot more than look. Billy thought, beginning to smile despite his current position.

"And licked." Billy added.

That's bad Billy. Don't aggravate her any more than she already is. Jessie thought.

"You've been with both of us." Jessie continued, trying to reason with the nearly hysterical blonde.

"At the same time." Billy muttered, again trying to get free.

They are so mean… I can't believe the things they say to me. Tori thought, beginning to turn on the tears.

"You… You… Ohh Jerks." She said, getting up and running into the bathroom.

"Quick Billy, think of another word for Jerks." Jessie said smiling.

"Asshole, dickheads, Cretins…" Billy said, starting to laugh.

"Ok, you're not as blonde as her. I was worried for a second." Jessie said laughing harder.

He's distracted. Billy thought, quickly moving and reversing the hold.

Tori came out a moment later, to see a naked Billy on his knees behind Jessie. Even as Jessie tried getting to his knees.

Oh no. Jessie thought, seeing the bathroom door open.

That's it… I can't stand it. Tori thought.

"AAAGGGHH." She yelled, retreating back into the bathroom and slamming the door.

"What's her problem?" Billy asked, knocking Jessie's free arm out from under him.

"Beats me." Jessie mumbled, with his face pressed against the floor.

"Or it could be that I'M the king of Doggie Style." Jessie said, lifting his head and beginning to laugh loudly.

Shit.. that had to look bad. Billy thought, immediately releasing Jessie and smacking him in the head.

"Why are you hitting me? You started it, I was minding my own business trying to sleep.." Jessie began, dodging when Billy threw a pillow.

*Undertaker/Edge*

Damn he knows. Edge thought, looking at Undertaker's expression.

The Boy is definitely up to something and it stops now! Undertaker thought, staring daggers at the young blonde.

I am totally screwed. Edge thought waiting for Undertaker's explosion.

"We will speak of this later. After your match." Undertaker growled.

That's even worse. If we talked now he might be less inclined to smack me around. Edge thought, as he tried to find his voice.

"Uhh, Yes Undertaker." He finally replied.

Without another word Undertaker moved away from the group.

I can't allow Edge's behavior to continue. His attitude would infect the others and that will not happen. Undertaker thought, taking one last look at Edge.

I guess his decision to wait could be a good thing. By then perhaps I can find some plausible reason to have disobeyed him. Edge thought hopefully.

*Roger/Sandy*

"Was he staying at the Inn?" Sandy asked, as Roger walked into the kitchen.

"Yes, he was . But for some reason when he first signed the book he used the name X-Pac. Then crossed it out and used Sean Waltman." Roger said, beginning to raid the refrigerator.

"X-Pac? What the hell kind of name is that?" Sandy wondered aloud.

"Same thing I said. Darrel thought it might be some rock group or something." Roger replied.

"Maybe we should hit the web and just do a search." Sandy said. "Then we should get an answer."

"If that's not just a nick name." Roger said. "We should look up Titan Sports too."

"That's right, he said they both worked there." Sandy said.

"Don't go getting any ideas. I don't want you getting any more involved than finding out what the connection is." Roger said, trying to stop trouble before it started. "I want you to promise me Sandy." He added.

"But Roger…" She began.

"NO but Roger… This time I'm putting my foot down." He interrupted her.

He doesn't usually make any demands. But when he does it's usually for good reason. Sandy thought, knowing that she owed him this.

"Ok, you have my word." Sandy said.

I wonder if she'll be able to keep it if we find out something about J.J.? Roger thought, looking closely at his wife.

*Kane/Vince*

I can't believe they'd hide me away like this. Hell, they even put a guard on the damn door. What do they think I'm going to do, burn down the arena? Kane wondered, pacing restlessly in the tiny locker room.

Hearing the door open, Kane spun around.

Oh, it's just Vince. Kane thought, not happy to see him.

Damn that really put him on edge. If he set it up it wouldn't have made him this jumpy. Vince realized, watching the big man.

For all I know he could have set me up. I wouldn't put it past him if he thought it would improve ratings. Kane decided, still staring at his employer.

He hasn't relaxed. Does he suspect me? That's nuts, if I'd done it there would have been cameras. Vince thought watching Kane. I almost wish I had thought of it so the whole thing would be on film. That would give me at least another share if not two.

"Did you start it?" Vince asked tired of the staring contest.

What is he an idiot? I'm going to set something up where I might be burned again? Kane thought, shaking his head emphatically NO.

"You know I'll find out if you're lying?" Vince said.

"Find them. Want blood." Kane said slowly and clearly using his amplifier.

Holy shit he really didn't do it. Vince thought after seeing Kane's reaction.

I will find out with or without your help Vince. Then I'll know who needs to die. Kane thought, still mostly convinced it was Hunter.

"Just in case I'm leaving you here. No one knows where you are." Vince said.

That way if someone is trying to kill him I can say I tried to protect him. Vince thought.

Asshole! Kane thought, turning his back on Vince and walking away.

Once he heard the door shut, he relaxed a bit.

A coward and an Asshole. Kane amended his earlier thought.

He pretends to be concerned about what happened, but he isn't. His only concerns are that he didn't have cameras there and that he might be blamed or made to pay damages. Kane thought angrily.

If he even thinks about making me pay damages, he's going to get it. Kane thought, shaking his head.

*Earthquake/Kane*

My match is up soon. Kane thought, beginning to stretch.

Turning his back on the door, Kane put his hands up on the wall. Then using the wall as an anchor point, he stretched the muscles in his back and shoulders.

Moving on to his legs, with his back still to the door. Kane began doing squats and lunges again using the wall for balance.

This is perfect. No one else knows where he is , so he definitely won't be getting any help. Earthquake thought, as he quietly turned the knob.

He's not even expecting trouble, this should be easy. Earthquake thought, looking through the partially open door and seeing Kane's back.

Someone is here. Kane thought, turning toward the door quickly.

He was just in time to realize that something big was heading his way.

What the…? Kane thought, when he was hit and knocked back into the wall.

The impact had knocked the breath out of Kane, leaving him stunned for a moment.

I just have to keep him off balance and he's mine. Earthquake thought, pulling back and slamming into Kane again.

Earthquake? Kane thought, when he recognized the rolls of fat pinning him against the wall.

Feeling Earthquake pull back, Kane took a deep breath preparing for the next impact.

Guess the new location is no secret. Kane thought. But Earthquake? I'd expect him to be working with someone.

It's working! Earthquake thought elatedly, as he drove his full weight back into Kane.

Grabbing Earthquake's fleshy arms, Kane pushed tossing him away.

His only skill is throwing his weight around. I'll just let him. Kane thought, watching the other man.

Earthquake reeled a bit, but managed to keep his feet.

"You fucking retard!" Earthquake yelled, as he charged Kane once again.

What an idiot. Kane thought slightly amused, both at Earthquake's comment and his already red face.

Kane stepped away from the wall as if to brace for the charge. Then just before contact, he moved aside.

"Shit!" Earthquake shouted , when he saw Kane move.

He tried to stop and failing that threw his arms up to protect his head.

Kane watched his attacker bounce off the wall and stagger backward.

I'll kill him for that. Earthquake thought, as he regained his balance.

Well if nothing else, I'll be warmed up for my match. Kane thought, as his opponent shook his head and turned to face him.

He's not leaving this room. Earthquake thought.

I have to be sure he doesn't really tire me out or damage me. I need to be able to handle DX when they come. Since I'm fighting X-Pac, I know they'll show up. Kane thought, already planning his next action.

Earthquake looked around the room searching for a weapon.

Shit nothing! He thought, noting the lone bench bolted to the floor and a couple of abused lockers.

If he's looking for something to use against me, he's nearly done. Kane thought, standing straighter and almost taunting his attacker.

Damn it! If Hercules hadn't bailed, Kane would already be out. But no he had to run out on me. Earthquake thought, watching Kane relax.

Come on you fat bastard. I still have to get warmed up. Kane thought, giving Earthquake a come on gesture.

Earthquake charged again, his hands outstretched to grab Kane. Again Kane managed to step aside. However this time he extended his foot and tripped his surprise guest.

Earthquake stumbled over Kane's foot and hit the wall head on.

Damn! Now what do I do with him? Kane wondered, looking down at the unconscious Earthquake.

I want him out of here but I don't want to deal with him or Vince over this. Kane thought with aggravation.

Finally with a sigh, Kane reached down and grabbed Earthquake's limp hand. Then making sure he had a good grip he pulled.

Moving him tired me out more than fighting him did. Kane thought, going back into the locker room.

Kane immediately began his stretches again. He'd barely finished when he heard a knock on the door.

"Ten minutes Kane." He heard from the other side.

I should have known this 'secret' room would be a typical 'Vince' secret. I bet most of the audience already knows by now. Kane thought, unable to suppress a smile as he walked toward gorilla position.


	29. losing the light Chapter 29

Chapter 29

*J.J.*

Waking up J.J. just lay staring at the ceiling.

What the hell am I going to do? I just can't get X-Pac's words out of my head. Maybe I did walk too soon. Should I have stayed longer and given him more of a chance. If I had would things be different? J.J. wondered, her chest aching with guilt.

Getting up she showered and checked out.

Why did things have to go so wrong? She asked herself, as she eased into the early morning highway traffic.

She drove for a few hours with her mind still refusing to release the questions X-Pac had raised.

Finally she pulled into a hotel and got herself checked in.

Shit.. I never called the Red Roof last night. Or let Sandy know I was alright. J.J. thought, another wave of guilt running through her.

Getting upstairs J.J. picked up the phone. Then just held it a moment.

"If I call Sandy's phone I'll have to deal with her worry and her questions. No I think I'll call the restaurant's number. I can apologize and let her know I'm ok, but not have to answer any questions." J.J. said to herself, dialing the number.

"I'm sorry about the way I left last night. He really surprised me and I had to get away. I had already planned on leaving first thing in the morning. I just left a few hours earlier than I'd planned. I really should have talked to you before I left but I … well I didn't know what to say. I hope every night is as good as last night's party. Maybe I'll come by again and check in on you." J.J. said. "It was great getting to know you and Roger. I'll always be grateful for everything."

Then without another word she hung up the phone. Then she quickly dialed the Red Roof and got herself checked out.

*X-Pac/DX*

Time to face the music. X-Pac thought, as he approached the DX locker room.

"Where have you been?" Hunter asked calmly, as X-Pac entered.

He's way to calm. This is not a good sigh. X-Pac thought.

"I decided to head down early. Then I met this…" X-Pac began to say.

"Oh you did? Why didn't you let us know? We're family." Hunter said, stressing the word family and interrupting. "Chyna was worried, weren't you babe?"

"Well.." She hesitated, not wanting to make things any worse. "A note would have been nice."

"I am an adult, no matter how often you all call me 'Kid'." X-Pac said, turning to look at each of them.

"Are you saying that we don't matter? That it's ok to just disappear. What if we'd needed you?" Hunter said, still sounding calm.

"No, but you didn't. It's not the first time one of us has gone off for a bit." X-Pac said, trying to end the conversation.

"You're just not seeing my point." Hunter said. "But we don't really have time for this right now do we. It's time to discuss your match against the freak. You and I can talk later."

That doesn't sound good. X-Pac thought, seeing the malice in Hunter's eyes.

We'll definitely talk later. After you've been reminded how important your 'family' is to you. Hunter thought, already anticipating the beating to come.

X-Pac only dug his grave deeper by taking off. Hunter will hold us back even longer, until the kid is really screwed up. Chyna thought, knowing X-Pac was in for some serious pain.

Billy and Jessie looked at each other quickly, nervousness and guilt shining from both sets of eyes.

Even they know what Hunter's planning. Chyna thought, hoping she could convince Hunter not to let X-Pac get hurt too bad.

*King/JR./Jessie V*

"Here comes X-Pac. It seems really odd to watch him come down alone." JR. said.

"King, has DX been banned from ring side?" JR. asked his partner.

"How should I know, I've only been back for two days." King said sarcastically.

"Besides aren't you usually the one complaining about DX coming down to support each other?" King asked.

"That would be him." Jessie V piped in.

Just then Kane's pyro erupted making all three men jump.

"JR. are you sure we couldn't commentate from farther away?" King asked fearfully, as he watched Kane approach the ring.

"If you're afraid leave. JR. and I can handle it alone." Ventura said with a smile. "We've been doing it for the last several weeks."

Go ahead and back out. Show them how afraid you are. I'd gladly stay in this position. Jessie thought.

I know what you are trying to do Ventura and it won't work. You are not getting my job. King thought.

"He's fine Jessie." JR. said, breaking the suddenly intense silence.

Just then Kane set off the ring posts.

*X-Pac/Kane*

This really sucks. X-Pac thought, walking down to the ring.

I know they drive me crazy, but this is the first time they've chosen not to come down with me. X-Pac thought, looking around.

They've been banned before, but this is different. They didn't 'want' to come down with me. What does that mean? He wondered, as he entered the ring and played to the crowd.

*Kane*

Kane stood at the top of the ramp and watched the smaller man pace the ring.

Where are they? Kane wondered, seeing no sign of DX.

Kane quickly glanced over his shoulder to be sure they weren't behind him.

He's looking awful stiff and distracted. What's going on with him? Kane wondered.

What are you doing! He betrayed you! Kane thought, quickly berating himself for caring.

With a slight shake of his head, Kane started walking down the ramp.

Rolling into the ring, Kane stood glaring at X-Pac the smaller man finally rolled out. Then he paced for a moment. Unlike X-Pac, he did not play to the crowd. He looked out among them, sweeping his gaze as if searching.

What am I looking for? He asked himself after a moment. There is nothing out there and there never will be.

He turned and stepped to the center of the ring. Then he raised his arms and dropped them. Fire instantly exploded from the ring posts.

Damn, if I didn't know better I'd think he'd gotten taller. X-Pac thought, moving quickly through the smoke.

Before the smoke had even cleared, Kane felt X-Pac hit him from behind.

He spun around and grabbed X-Pac's hand before the third blow could land.

Don't forget kid, I'm not as slow as most men my size. Kane thought, glaring down into his startled opponents eyes.

X-Pac tensed as he tried to pull free. Then staggered backward when Kane released his arm. He tried to dodge to the side, only to be caught by a hard clothesline.

*J.J.*

I can't believe I did this. I swore I wouldn't. J.J. berated herself silently, as she looked for her seat.

Looking down at her ticket again, she felt guilty for breaking her word to him.

He'll never know. J.J. thought, trying to rationalize her actions.

Besides if X-Pac is right and he gets hurt tonight, I'd never forgive myself if I wasn't here. She decided, trying to make it seem ok.

J.J. sat silently through the opening matches. The crowd was going insane. Her silence and seemingly uncaring attitude got her some strange looks from nearby fans, but luckily none of them said anything.

Then it was time.

She stood quickly, when she saw X-Pac enter the ring.

Kane's pyro made her flinch as usual. But the sight of him brought tears to her eyes.

He's even more amazing than I remembered. J.J. thought, raising her sunglasses only high enough to wipe her eyes.

What's he doing? J.J. wondered, when she saw him walking along the ropes gazing out into the crowd.

He doesn't look angry, his stance is almost expectant. Is he looking for DX? J.J. wondered.

No, he's not looking for them. He's looking at the fans. J.J. realized, beginning to panic.

Could someone have seen me buy the ticket? Does he somehow know I'm out here? J.J. wondered, her panic growing. No, I'm sure that can't be the case. Even if someone did see me, no one would tell him.

I hope I'm not close enough for him to see me. J.J. thought, part of her praying she was.

Relax, he can't possibly see you way back here. Especially with those lights. J.J. told herself.

The sudden explosion from the pyro brought her out of her musings.

He is so incredible, so beautiful. J.J. thought, watching him move.

I hope X-Pac didn't find a way to tell Kane we'd run into each other. No, telling him would only piss him off. X-Pac wouldn't want that. J.J. thought, realizing that Kane wasn't showing quite as much anger as before.

That's not a good beginning. J.J. thought, seeing X-Pac attack from behind, trying to get the upper hand.

*Kane\X-Pac \J.J.*

Are you getting up? Kane thought, looking down at X-Pac.

This is not going to be good. X-Pac thought, kicking out at Kane's knee, even as he rolled away.

Kane brought his leg back out of reach, as X-Pac rolled.

You'll have to be faster than that kid and you know it. Kane thought.

It almost looks like he's playing with him. J.J. thought, watching Kane with X-Pac.

Kane grabbed X-Pac by the scruff of his neck. Then holding the smaller man, Kane looked around for the rest of DX.

No sign of them? That's odd. He thought, throwing X-Pac away from him like a rag doll.

I have to get something going here. X-Pac thought, getting to his feet and trying to keep out of Kane's grasp.

Again and again X-Pac tried to get the better of Kane, to somehow get the upper hand and gain some momentum. But it was useless.

He's getting up slower and slower each time. Where are they? I can't keep this match going forever. Kane thought, putting his foot on X-Pac's back to hold him down for a moment.

Kane enough, please. Even you have to see that he's done. J.J. thought, beginning to feel real pity for X-Pac.

Looking up, Kane finally saw them.

Why are they just standing on the stage like that? Can't they see he needs them? It's usually at this point of the match, or before, when they step in to keep me from winning. Kane thought, watching DX just stand there.

Come on guys. I can't take much more. X-Pac thought, seeing his seemingly uncaring friends watching him get wrecked.

With a nearly imperceptible shrug, Kane allowed the battered X-Pac to regain his feet. Then proceeded to toss him around again.

Something isn't right. Kane thought after a few minutes. They have to see he's hurt…why are they letting this continue?

Kane once again landed the kid roughly on the mat. Then reached down to lift him.

Kane, don't do it. Just end it. J.J. thought, watching from her seats high above the ring.

They're using me to punish him for something! Kane suddenly realized, even as he raised the smaller man to choke slam him again.

Instead of going through with the move, Kane brought his dark haired opponent down and still holding him looked into his eyes.

He's gone. He has no idea where the hell he is. Kane realized, seeing the glazed over expression in his ex-friend's eyes.

No matter what you've done I won't cause you permanent injury. I will not allow myself to be used as a tool by your so-called 'friends' to destroy you. They'll have to do it themselves. Kane decided, lowering X-Pac to the ground.

Then kneeling beside the smaller man, Kane just held him down for the count.

THUD… One

THUD … Two

He's doing it… He's just going to put an end to it. J.J. thought. Maybe he has let go of some of his anger.

Can't.. X-Pac thought, rolling his shoulder up out of reflex.

What the hell are you doing? Don't make me hurt you anymore. Kane thought, pushing X-Pac's shoulder back down.

Again the Ref counted two and X-Pac tried to kick out.

Lifting his hand, Kane gave X-Pac a gentle smack on the face.

Opening his eyes.. X-Pac looked up into Kane's face expecting to see hatred and he did. But he also saw something he couldn't place.

Putting his hand back on X-Pac's chest, Kane waited, the Ref counted.

THUD… One

X-Pac tensed..

Don't do it… just lay there. Kane demanded silently, trying to make X-Pac see what he was trying to say.

He wants to end it… he could destroy me and I couldn't stop him. With DX staying out of it he could kill me… but he isn't. He wants me to take the pin. X-Pac's fogged brain finally realized.

That's it just be still… Kane thought, watching the understanding come into X-Pac's bewildered eyes.

THUD… ONE

THUD… TWO

THUD… THREE

"And your winner… KANE!" The announcer said even as Kane stood.

*Jessie/JR./King*

"What the hell is he doing? He's going to kill him." King roared into his microphone, as Kane lifted X-Pac for a choke slam.

"I don't know. It's obvious that X-Pac is out on his feet. He's completely helpless." JR. said, agreeing with his partner.

"He's doing what he's supposed to do. He's winning." Jessie said putting in his two cents.

"No wait. He's putting him down." J.R. said sounding a bit confused.

"Why is he just staring at him?" King asked.

"Your guess is as good as mine." J.R. replied absently.

"He's just putting him down…" King said, his words training off as he watched in shock.

"Stay down kid." J.R.'s whispered words were barely picked up by the mic.

"Yeah," King replied, automatically answering his partner.

"What are you two blathering about? This isn't Romper Room its wrestling." Jessie said sounding disgusted.

They watched in silence as Kane got the win.

"Here they come." JR. said, even as Kane's hand was raised.

"Who?" King said, before he too saw DX rushing the ring.

*J.J./Kane*

"Of course now they jump in." J.J. muttered, as she saw DX charge the ring. "What the hell happened to Hunter's face?"

"Kane attacked him last night at a bar with a two by four." J.J. heard a nearby fan say.

I'd have loved to be there for that. But why would Kane have been at the same bar as him? J.J. wondered. For that matter why would Kane have been at a bar?

She was surprised to the Ref pulling X-Pac out of the ring.

He must really be in bad shape. J.J. thought, as she watched the battered young man collapse onto the floor.

Here they come. Kane thought, as he saw DX heading his way.

J.J. watched in horror as the rest of DX swarmed the ring, quickly surrounding Kane.

Baby roll out. Don't take them on.. just roll out. J.J. thought, feeling her panic rise.

I can't let them surround me. Kane thought, trying to get to a corner and protect his back.

J.J. watched as Kane nailed Road Dogg with a straight right. The move put the outlaw down and cleared Kane to move closer to the corner.

One down, at least for a minute. He thought, stepping over Dogg and toward the corner.

But it wasn't enough. In the barest of seconds the rest of DX attacked him.

Damn it Kane, why do you have to be so stubborn. You could have rolled out. J.J. thought, unconsciously stepping closer as Kane went down.

Moving to the aisle, J.J. began making her way closer and closer to the ring.

Please don't let him be hurt badly. J.J. prayed, even as she moved from the top tier down to the second.

What? J.J. wondered stopping, when she saw a chair appear beside Kane.

Her eyes automatically sought X-Pac, thinking only he could have done it.

Couldn't have been. J.J. thought, when she saw X-Pac lying face down on the mats.

If it wasn't X-Pac then who did it? J.J. wondered, seeing the ref trying in vain to separate the combatants in the ring.

What is…? Kane though, feeling his foot his something.

Just what I needed… an equalizer. Kane thought seeing the chair.

Picking it up, he swung it in an arc in front of him.

That should back them up and give me a second. Kane thought with some relief.

Taking one quick breath, Kane turned to look at Hunter.

What the hell? I didn't think she got him that good. Kane thought, seeing the condition of Hunter's face.

"You may leave here today boy, but this is far from over. I won't forget what you did. You will pay." Hunter said, stepping closer to Kane.

Kane suddenly lunged forward and nailed Hunter with the chair.

You really should keep your distance if you are going to make threats. Kane thought, enjoying the satisfying clash of steel on flesh.

Then before anyone else could react, he had gotten past them and broken free of their trap.

Still want to play. He asked them silently, as he glared at them from across the ring.

Please just roll out Kane, you have the time to do it. So go before they decided to make their move. J.J. pleaded silently across the distance between them.

*Chyna/DX*

This may be my last night with DX. Chyna thought, as she watched X-Pac walk out of the locker room. I don't know if I'll be able to keep to Hunter's plan for the match.

They better remember who's in charge tonight. If one of them even moves the wrong way before I give the order, I'll personally beat them unconscious. Hunter thought, looking around the room at his group.

I don't want to cross Hunter tonight he's looking deadly. Billy thought, glancing at his partner.

Jess gave him a look just then, as if he knew exactly what was on Billy's mind.

The locker room was completely silent as they watched first X-Pac, then Kane enter the ring.

"Time to move." Hunter said, as Kane's pyro went off.

Hunter set the pace, as they slowly moved to the gorilla position. Then out onto the stage.

I knew it. The kid is dead meat. Chyna thought, seeing that the young man was already getting a beating.

Now do you understand kid? Hunter asked silently, as he watched X-Pac getting tossed about. Do you see why you need us a hell of a lot more than we need you? We'll see.

Billy stepped back out of Hunter's direct gaze and a moment later so did Jessie.

"What?" Billy asked, no needing to finish for Jess to understand.

Jessie answered with a small shrug and a glance at Hunter.

Billy just nodded.

"Uh Hunter," Jessie said with concern, hoping Hunter would understand what he was asking.

"Not yet." Hunter replied, obviously understanding, but not caring about Jessie's concern.

He's going to let kid get killed. Chyna thought, taking a step forward.

"I said NOT YET." Hunter growled. "I'll decide when he's had enough."

Hunter was the only one standing still. The rest of DX was fidgeting, as they watched one of their own being torn apart by Kane.

"Hunter please." Chyna whispered, making sure only he would hear her.

"No." Hunter replied.

What? Billy thought, when he saw Kane pause halfway through a choke slam.

He's stopping? Jessie thought in utter amazement.

The freak can't even do that right. Hunter thought, furious that Kane would thwart his plan by putting X-Pac down.

He's just going to end it. Chyna realized, feeling grateful that Kane wouldn't destroy X-Pac as Hunter wanted.

No stay still. Billy thought, when he saw the kid kick out.

Stay down damn it. Jessie thought.

I can't believe it. Kane's making X-Pac see what he's doing, and why. Chyna thought surprised that Kane didn't just knock X-Pac around again when he rolled out the second time.

He's ruining it. Hunter thought, rushing the ring without bothering to give the word to the others.

It would serve him right if we stayed here because he didn't 'tell' us to attack. Chyna thought, half tempted to do it. No he'd only find some way to make things difficult.

Are we supposed to go? Billy wondered glancing at Jessie.

Jessie just shrugged and headed down after Hunter.

*Ron/Mike*

"So is Holly still coming tonight?" Ron asked.

"She sure is. But I'm afraid we'll have to spend a good part of the show explaining things to her." Mike said sounding a little disappointed.

"Why don't you jut bring her over a little early? We'll give her a brief rundown on the matches she's going to see and what led up to them." Ron said cheerfully.

"Are you serious? That would be awesome." Mike replied. "What time do you want us over."

"Anytime, its Sunday I have no plans." Ron said, remembering a time when he usually did.

"Well I'm off for the day. Why don't we grab something to eat and head over. We'll just start our PPV party a little early." Mike said laughing.

"See you in a bit then." Ron said hanging up.

*Sandy/Roger*

Sandy woke to the sound of a ringing phone. Reaching over blindly, she searched for the receiver beside her bed.

"Hello." She said groggily. "Hello."

Then she heard the ring again.

Shit that's the restaurant phone. It could be J.J. Sandy thought, throwing back the covers.

"What is it Sandy." Roger mumbled.

"It's the bar phone." Sandy said, moving toward the sound.

"It has an answering machine for a reason Sandy." Roger called out after her.

"It could be J.J." She called over her shoulder, as she rushed downstairs.

Sitting up quickly Roger grabbed her robe and followed her.

"I missed it." She said, as he got downstairs.

"Was it her?" Roger asked, draping her robe over her shoulders.

"I don't know." She whispered sounding afraid.

Without a word Roger reached out and pulled her back against him. Then he pressed the play button.

"I'm sorry about the way I left last night. He really surprised me and I had to get away. I had already planned on leaving first thing in the morning. I just left a few hours earlier than I'd planned. I really should have talked to you before I left but I … well I didn't know what to say. I hope every night is as good as last night's party. Maybe I'll come by again and check in on you." J.J. said. "It was great getting to know you and Roger. I'll always be grateful for everything."

Roger felt Sandy begin to shake a little.

"Baby isn't that what you wanted. You wanted to know she was alright. Now you know she is." Roger said squeezing her a bit tighter.

"Yeah, but I wanted to say goodbye. I wanted to get to talk to her one more time. Now I can't. She doesn't even know if she's going to come back. Roger I'm gonna miss her." Sandy said, her voice beginning to sound tight with emotion.

"I know, I am too. But we knew from the beginning that she was wandering. Heck that's how she ended up here. She told us she was traveling around. We also knew she was planning to leave. I understand how much it hurts baby, I'm going to miss her too." He said, turning her to face him before crushing her in a tight embrace.

Roger just held her until he felt her begin to relax in his arms.

"Baby, I'm feeling faint. I think I need caffeine." Roger whispered into her ear.

"You are such a brat." Sandy said, pulling away a little to stick her tongue out at him.

"Not until after my coffee dear." Roger said, intentionally taking the gesture the wrong way.

She just smiled and sipped out of his arms. Then she headed for the kitchen.


	30. losing the light Chapter 30

Chapter 26

*X-Pac/J.J.*

Getting up, she began backing away deeper into the room.

Shit she's taking off. X-Pac thought determined to speak with her.

I have to tell her what has been going on since she left. She needs to know about Kane. X-Pac thought.

He picked up his pace, making sure not to frighten her.

Shit! I should have called out to Roger or gone out through the kitchen. She thought, realizing she'd been moving to the smaller private dining area.

Where is she going? I hope there's no door back there. He thought, unconsciously moving just a little faster.

Suddenly, J.J. found herself in the darkened room. She moved quickly to the other side and huddled against the far wall. It was as if she expected the furniture itself would somehow jump to her defense and stop him.

Is that a way out? X-Pac wondered, when he saw her disappear through a door.

Turning the knob, X-Pac slowly swung it open.

Please don't let her have anything to throw or swing. He thought, remembering what she'd done to the Ministry.

"J.J.?" He said, stepping into the dimly lit room.

If I'm really quite maybe he won't see me. J.J. thought hopefully, but knowing that was futile.

"If you're worried about the others, don't be. I'm alone and they have no idea where I am." He said softly.

Sure. J.J. thought.

"You really can't hide in here J.J., I can see you." He said, hoping to get her to say something.

Of course I can't hide in here. But I was hoping you'd take the hint. J.J. thought.

"You're right. I can't hide. But if you come any closer, I'll scream and they'll come in here." J.J. said, ashamed of herself for her fear but still hoping the threat sounded convincing.

"Yes you can. But please don't. I only want to talk to you. I promise I won't even touch you." He said earnestly, stopping about ten feet from her.

Why am I still here? I should just push right by him and leave. J.J. thought, but made no move to do it.

"Where are they really? Waiting outside? You guys are never apart." J.J. said scowling.

"They're in the last town or on the way to the next. I really don't know. I needed some space, so I took off a couple days ago." He said with a shrug.

"Sure you did." She said sarcastically.

"I've been staying at a boarding house not far from here. Darrel signed me in. I think I saw him here." X-Pac said, hoping she'd relax if he could gain even a sliver of trust.

"So what's so important that you had to track me down?" J.J. asked warily.

"I know you won't believe me, but I was completely shocked when I saw you." He said, turning a chair around and sitting down.

No way! J.J. thought, trying to read his body language in the dim light.

*Sandy/Roger*

This is so great. Sandy thought, mingling with her guests.

I already have several reservations for the next couple of weeks. I was almost expecting that from my friends to show their support. But people I hardly know or complete strangers have made most of these. She thought, thrilled beyond words.

A sudden crash drew her attention to the buffet table.

Oh my… She thought, rushing over to clean up the mess.

He looks like he's in shock. Maybe I should call Roger. She thought, when she saw the young man standing among the debris.

He's just staring across the room. What could have happened? She wondered, as he stepped over the mess and walked away without a word.

Once she'd picked up a majority of the remnants, she stood up and looked toward the bar.

Where is J.J. going and why is he following her? Sandy wondered.

She quickly finished cleaning up and walked to the bar.

"Roger, did J.J. tell you where she was going?" Sandy asked, when she got his attention.

"No." He replied, looking at J.J.'s now empty seat.

"Well, she just backed down the hall and someone followed her." She said, turning to go after her.

"Sandy? We have customers and she's old enough to take care of herself. She was a COP remember?" He said stopping her.

"If she needs us all she has to do is yell. Maybe she was leading him back there for some reason." Roger continued, before she could say anything.

"I still think I should at least check." She said, looking in that direction.

"NO!" He said firmly. "Give her some peace, it's her last day here."

"Oh, all right. But if something happens…" Sandy said not finishing the sentence.

"I know, I'm concerned too, but she's an adult." He said, leaning forward to steal a kiss.

With another glance at the hallway, Sandy went back to mixing with her customers.

*Kane*

Kane drove toward the next town. As he did the quickly passing white lines began to hypnotize him.

Shaking his head, he opened the window and turned on the radio.

That should keep me alert. He thought.

Much better. He thought, as the music did its job of keeping him from getting lost in the passing lines again.

"Coming up next we have 'A lot of things different' by Kenny Chesney" He heard after a set of commercials.

I'd have spent a lot more time in the pouring rain without an umbrella

Covering my head

And I would have stood up to that bully when he pushed and called me names

But I was too afraid

And I would have gone and saw Elvis that night that he came to town but

Moma said I couldn't

And I would have went skinny dipping with Jenny Carson that time she dared me too

But I didn't

Oh I, I'd done a lot of things different

I wish I had spent more time with my Dad when he was alive

Now I don't have the chance

I wish I had told my brother how much I loved him before he went off to war

But I just shook his hand

I wish I'd gone to church on Sunday morning when my Grandma begged me too

But I was afraid of God

I wish I would have listened when they said boy you're gonna wish you hadn't

But I wouldn't

Oh I, I'd done a lot of things different

People say they wouldn't change a thing

Even if they could

Oh but I would

There was this red dress she wanted one time so bad she could taste it

I should have bought it

But I didn't

She wanted to paint our bedroom yellow and trim it in blues and greens

But I wouldn't let her

Wouldn't have hurt nothing

She loved to be held and kissed and touched

But I didn't do it

Not nearly enough

And if I would have known that dance was going to be our last dance

I would have asked that band to play it on and on on, on and on

Oh I, I'd done a lot of things different

People say they wouldn't change a thing

Even if they could

Oh but I would, oh oh oh

Oh I I'd done a lot of things different

Oh I I'd done a lot of things

I think we'd all do a lot of things different

Regrets don't get you nothing but pain. Kane thought, even as his began to circle in his mind.

If I'd gone to Bobby's that day I like I was supposed to, I wouldn't have been home when the fire started. He thought, probably for the millionth time since he'd been burned.

If I'd found a way to get the attention of the firemen while they were still there, Paul never would have found me. Then I'd have had a different life. He thought, wondering how different.

If I hadn't listened to him all those years, maybe I could have had something beyond what he showed me.

If I'd realized what X-Pac and Tori were up to sooner, it wouldn't have hurt so much.

If I'd given J.J. a chance… He thought, tears suddenly blinding him and making him pull over.

Pounding on the steering wheel, Kane tried to use the pain to push away the thoughts he seemingly couldn't control.

I have to get this to stop. I can't keep living with the ghost of what could have been. I blew it and I can't fix it. I have to, HAVE TO stop this. He thought to himself.

Now is not the time or the place for this. He thought, making himself pull out and concentrate on driving.

The last thing I need is to get into an accident. Vince would go ballistic if I messed up his PPV. Kane thought, trying to force his mind to the present.

Throughout the drive, he often had to consciously push away the unwanted memories.

I almost didn't think I'd make it. Kane thought, when he pulled up into the hotel lot.

He stepped out of the SUV and stretched with a silent groan of relief.

I hate long drives. He thought, feeling his joints and back creak with tension.

Then he rolled his head on his neck a couple of times.

I need some food. He thought, grabbing up his bags from the back of the SUV.

Going inside, he saw the usual group of fans in the lobby.

It's after midnight. I didn't think they'd still be here. He thought, while he was checking in.

When he turned to go upstairs, Kane was surprised to hear them call for him.

He turned to look at them, unconsciously cocking his head.

I can't believe they still want my autograph after seeing what has been happening. Kane thought, hesitating then walking over.

"You're awesome Kane." One young woman said, as he was signing for her.

She's actually got one of my shirts on. He thought, almost in shock to see it.

Looking at the crowd, he was distracted for a moment.

"Watch your back tomorrow freak! DX is gonna kill you!" Someone in the back yelled.

"Shut up ASSHOLE…" a couple of other fans, yelled back.

Suddenly there was chaos, as people argued loudly and began pushing.

"X-Pac is a dead man. Then Kane will take care of the rest of those asses in DX." He heard, as security began to intercede.

"You should go." Once of the officers told Kane.

He's probably right. I somehow started this. He thought. I should go before it gets worse.

Kane turned heading to the elevator. Before getting in, he looked back at the still rowdy crowd.

I hope none of them get into trouble. He thought, as the elevator doors closed behind him.

*Edge/Christian*

Edge pulled to a stop in front of the hotel and waited. After a moment he heard movement, as the luggage was unloaded.

After a few moments more, he saw Undertaker open the door and step out. Without having said a word, Edge pulled away.

He found a space easily enough and parked. Then he stood beside the van until Christian joined him. Together they walked back toward the hotel.

"Christian, what he said earlier about me getting something already. I think he was just pushing everyone's buttons. Don't let him freak you out. I was really lucky that's all." Edge said looking at Christian.

Seriously? Christian wondered, stopping to look into Edge's eyes.

"I hadn't really expected to find anything out, but I did. I was sure they'd done their planning Friday night. But they ended up doing it Saturday morning and I just got lucky enough to be there for it." Edge said reassuringly.

Christian nodded and they picked up the pace a bit.

Can't keep him waiting too long. Edge thought.

*Ministry*

Pulling up to the hotel everyone exited and pulled out the luggage.

"Be careful with that!" Paul shouted, as Bradshaw put one of his cases down.

That must be the one he packs his gallon jug of Cologne in. Undertaker thought.

Undertaker waited until he'd seen Christian jump back in, before stepping out onto the curb.

Air! He thought, taking a deep breath.

One of these days I'm going to die from the fumes when I travel with him. He thought, looking at Paul.

If you're so concerned with your stuff why don't you unload it yourself. Bradshaw thought, narrowing his eyes in the Paul's direction.

Without even looking toward the bags on the curb, Paul turned and walked into the hotel.

I'll just check us in. They can carry the gear. He thought, with a distinct feeling of superiority.

Where the hell is he going? Faarooq wondered, as he watched Paul leaving.

Mideon and Viscera began getting their gear and part of Undertaker's.

Bradshaw looked at the Undertaker with a questioning expression.

Just bring them in like you always do. Undertaker thought, looking at the Acolyte and then the bags.

Bending over, Bradshaw grabbed a few bags.

Serving the Undertaker is one thing. But I'll never accept being forced to serve that smelly disgusting waste of air. He thought rolling his eyes.

Standing back up, he saw that the Undertaker was already through the hotel doors.

Bradshaw and Faarooq looked at each other a moment. Then they turned and walked in themselves.

Again I'm stuck out here with the stuff. Gangrel thought, knowing he couldn't carry the remainder alone.

What's taking them so long? He wondered, peering into the darkened lot.

"It's about time." He thought, when he finally spotted them coming into the light.

"What took you so long?" Gangrel asked.

Neither brother spoke. Instead they picked up some the remaining bags and walked inside.

If I'm going to explain myself it will be to Undertaker and not Gangrel. Edge thought.

I didn't realize we'd been that slow. Is Undertaker angry? Christian wondered fearfully, as they entered the lobby.

Putting down the bags, Edge watched with mild aggravation, as bellman appeared to carry them away.

Where we they when we pulled up? He wondered.

The three blondes joined the other members, gathered around Undertaker.

Good everyone is here now. He thought, putting his hand out.

Please don't stick me with Paul again. Gangrel silently pleaded.

Undertaker looked at the numbers on the keys Paul had given him.

Looks good. This will spread them out around me. He thought.

"Usual arrangements." Undertaker said, handing a key each to Bradshaw, Edge, Mideon and Paul.

Shit I'm stuck with Gangrel again. I cannot abide his strange habits. Paul thought unhappily.

The others quickly took their keys and headed to the assigned rooms.

*DX*

Pulling up to the hotel, Billy cleared his throat loudly. When no one moved or awakened, he got out and slammed the door.

One by one the others exited the Van. Most of them were still half-asleep.

Jessie began helping him unload. Then looking up, Billy saw Tori using the side mirror to fix her hair.

"Tori go inside and get someone to take care of the bags." Billy told her.

"But…" She started to whine.

"Unless you'd like to carry them." He said, quickly cutting her off.

With a huff Tori turned and went inside.

"Nicely done." Chyna said with a laugh.

Hunter didn't say a word he just went to check in. Grabbing the keys for his group, he handed them to Chyna and headed upstairs.

I'm not dealing with their arguments and bullshit tonight. I just need to relax. He thought, as he left them behind.

*J.J./X-Pac*

"So assuming I believe you didn't know I was here. Why did you chase me away from the bar?" J.J. asked, still staring at X-Pac in disbelief.

"I didn't chase you. I followed you. I wanted to talk to you." X-Pac replied, indicating that she should take a seat.

Sure…lets get this overwith. J.J. thought.

"What do you have to say?" J.J. asked, not moving toward a chair.

"He's changed and not for the better. You should reconsider and come back." X-Pac said seriously, knowing she would know exactly who he was talking about.

He doesn't think I've been watching. How can he think I wouldn't keep track of him? J.J. thought, watching him.

"Really J.J., if it was the job or Vince that made you leave. You don't have to deal with that. Just travel with him." He continued.

I wish. J.J. thought.

"I can't do that. It wouldn't work." J.J. said quietly.

"But J.J., you were the best thing to ever happen to him. I never saw him so happy. He's really hurting without you. Fuck J.J. it's nearly as bad as when he first got there with Paul and it's only going to get worse." X-Pac said, sounding really concerned.

"J.J. we both know from experience how he is. When he's hurt or upset he becomes angry to hide it. He's very very angry J.J." He continued before she could respond.

I'd do it in a heartbeat if that were the real reason I'm here and not in his arms. But it's not. Going back would be bad for both of us. J.J. thought, trying not to show her sorrow.

"Don't you think we thought about that before I left. I tried to think of anything that we could do stay together. But as you can see, we're not together." J.J. replied, with an edge of pain to her voice.

"J.J. you have no idea what's been happening." He said. "Kane broke King's jaw intentionally right after you left. He nearly killed Hunter in a cage and he's being absolutely brutal with every match, with everyone. He's even attacked one of the trainers."

I know he has, but eventually he'll find someone else and be happy again. J.J. thought, knowing that was unlikely if he continued behaving as he was.

"So when do you face him?" J.J. asked, already knowing the answer.

"Tomorrow, but that has nothing to do with this." X-Pac said.

"Oh it doesn't? You just said he was being extremely brutal, but you're not worried about it." J.J. said skeptically.

"No, I'm worried about it. I'm always worried when I face him. He's going to beat the shit out of me. I know it and so do most people. But what I'm really worried about is what's going to happen afterward." He said, looking her in the eye.

"DX is going to jump him again right." J.J. said, leaning right into X-Pac's face.

"Yes, they're going to take him out. He's really been pissing Hunter off. I'm sure this time they're going to hospitalize him or worse. He's going to need you more than ever." X-Pac said, forcing himself not to break eye contact.

Shit Shit Shit! J.J. thought, remembering the match where DX used the chairs.

Her stomach flipped, as she recalled watching it with him and seeing it in her dreams.

Oh god, he's right. Kane will need me. But I can't hurt him by showing up like that. Everyone will know I lied. J.J. thought feeling nauseous.

"J.J. please." X-Pac said, with a plaintive note to his voice.

"I can't do it X-Pac. I said I wouldn't and I won't." J.J. said, even though the words tore at her heart.

I told him and myself that I would stay away. I don't think I could keep that vow if I were in the same place as him. J.J. thought, desperately longing to feel him in her arms.

"Damn it J.J. he needs you!" X-Pac insisted.

"What the hell does it matter to you!" J.J. yelled, slapping him in the face.

"You're worse than they ever were. At least he knew what to expect from them. But you… you pretended to be his friend and destroyed him!" J.J. yelled, her hands clenched into fists as she fought the urge to hit him again.

"Oh yeah and you were such a perfect angel walking out on him the way you did. I'm sure having you choose anything over staying with him made him feel great. I may have hurt him you bitch. But I never pretended to love him. I never played with his emotions as badly as you did. I never screwed him, cut off his balls and left the way you did whore." X-Pac yelled back, getting to his feet.

"You ASSHOLE! You have no idea what he means to me." J.J. yelled tearfully, pushing against him as she tried to get past.

"He means so much that you walk away without looking back. Even when you know he'll need you there, you can't be bothered." He growled with obvious fury.

"AAAAGGGHHH!" She screamed, pushing him away with enough force to land him on his ass.

"We're not through!" X-Pac yelled, as she headed for the door.

*J.J./Sandy*

I have to get out of here now! J.J. thought, rushing out of the room.

She could hardly see through her tears, as she began moving through the crowd.

"J.J. what's wrong?" Sandy asked, stepping in front of her.

What? J.J. thought, trying to focus on the person in front of her.

"J.J. what happened!" Sandy said more loudly, grabbing J.J.'s arms to keep her still.

"Nothing, everything. I have to go. You and Roger have been… I hope… I'll see you again." J.J. gulped out between sobs.

Pulling away, J.J. blindly stumbled out the door and into the streets.

Was that goodbye? Is she leaving for good? Sandy wondered, fearing she'd seen the last of her friend.

I can't let her leave like that. Sandy thought, heading out the door after her.

Sandy quickly realized that she'd never catch the younger woman.

*Sandy/Roger*

"Roger!" Sandy said loudly to get his attention.

"What's up?" Roger asked, seeing the worried look on her face.

"It's J.J. she just ran out of here crying her eyes out." Sandy said.

If he's still back there I'm going to find out what the hell he did to her. So help me I'll kill him. Roger thought angrily, as he vaulted over the bar.

"Watch the bar!" He replied, immediately moving into the back.

*X-Pac/Roger*

Shit! What the hell is wrong with you? X-Pac thought, as the door slammed behind her.

First you shock the hell out of her by finding her. You tell her Kane is going crazy and it's her fault. Then you act like she didn't really feel for him, when you know she did. He thought, standing up.

You should have gone after and apologized or something. He told himself.

"It's too late now, she's long gone." He murmured. "You've probably just made everything worse."

"Made what worse?" Roger said from the doorway.

"What? I mean who are you?" X-Pac asked, clearly surprised and flustered.

"My wife and I own this place. You have just run off our friend and decorator. I suggest you start explaining yourself." Roger said, his tone deadly serious.

"Your DECORATOR?" X-Pac stuttered, getting more confused.

"You sound surprised." Roger said, crossing his arms in front of his face.

"I am. That's not what she was doing when I worked with her." X-Pac said, beginning to wonder what J.J. had told them.

This guy does not look like a cop. Roger thought, looking closely at the young man.

"Who are you? Where you in her precinct?" Roger asked.

"She was a cop too?" He said, so confused he fell into a chair.

He was a co-worker but doesn't know she was with the police? Roger thought, staring at the young man.

"You'd better start doing better than this. Or I might start thinking you were trying to hurt her somehow." Roger growled.

X-Pac just stared at him.

"Where did you work with her?" Roger said, trying to get a clear answer from him.

"I worked with her a few months ago." X-Pac said, worried that he'd say something wrong.

"What Company?" Roger practically shouted in frustration.

"Titan Sports." He said quickly.

I hope that was the right thing to say. X-Pac wondered.

"What did she do for them? What did you do?" Roger asked.

"She was a photographer. She took pictures of the events and the athletes. I'm an athlete." He said, intentionally being vague.

She's a photographer? She said she'd taken a few classes in college. Roger thought, saddened that she'd lied to them.

"She's a photographer?" Roger asked sounding both confused and hurt.

She didn't tell them? Why not? X-Pac wondered.

"Best I've ever seen." X-Pac said.

That doesn't matter now, I just need to know what happened here. Roger told himself.

"This isn't why I came back here. I need to know what is going on. Why did you chase her back here?"

"Listen man, I didn't chase her. I was really surprised to see her. I wanted to talk to her, that's it." X-Pac said.

That sounds like a load of shit. Roger thought, staring holes through the young man.

"If that's true why did she run out of here crying?" Roger demanded.

"We were discussing a mutual friend and we got into an argument. She ran out, I thought it would be better if I didn't chase her and push the issue. So I decided to stay here until I could leave without her seeing me." X-Pac said, becoming worried that he was saying way too much.

Talking about a friend caused an argument. I'm going to need boots if this shit gets any deeper. Roger thought, deciding to press him further.

"Who is this friend? Why would that cause an argument? That doesn't make sense." Roger said, stepping further into the room.

She obviously hasn't told them anything about her time with the WWE. X-Pac realized.

"I'm not saying another word about our conversation or anything else. It was a private matter. I'm sorry she got so upset. As for the rest, it seems to me that she didn't tell you much about her past. I shouldn't be the one to tell you about it, she should." X-Pac said turning to leave.

"Are you him?" Sandy asked from the doorway.

"Am I who?" X-Pac asked.

"If you don't know then you aren't." She replied quietly.

"You'd better go. Don't come back." Roger told him.

"Sure I'm gone." X-Pac said, moving toward Sandy.

Roger walked him all the way out the front door.

"Crisis is over, let's have some fun." Roger laughed, as he turned back to the room.

Reaching out, Roger pulled Sandy into an embrace.

"I'm sorry. I should have let you check." Roger said. "I can hold down the fort while you go after her."

"You wouldn't mind?" Sandy asked still concerned about J.J.

"I'm sure baby. But hurry back to me." Roger said, giving her a squeeze.

Sandy moved quickly out the door and into the night.

*Kane*

Once in his room, Kane ordered some food and collapsed onto the couch.

Why the hell do they still cheer me? I've given the beast full reign and shown them what a monster I am. How can they still cheer? Kane wondered, confused by the fans.

None of that really matters right now though. I need to concentrate on my match tomorrow. X-Pac is a tough little shit, but I'm pretty sure I can handle him. Kane thought, trying to plan for everything.

My bigger problem is DX. Hunter is undoubtedly still pissed that I ruined his date. He'll be out for blood. Kane thought.

When it's over, I know Vince is going to suspend me. But I'll be damned if I go down alone. I'm taking Hunter out with me, and as many others as I can. Kane decided.

A knock pulled him from his thoughts. Turning toward the door, he realized that he'd never removed his mask.

Bringing the food in, he tipped the kid and shut the door.

When did I start wearing that? He wondered, staring down at the mask beside his plate.

While he tried to eat. Kane searched his memory for a time when he didn't hide his marred countenance from everyone, including himself.

*Cena*

"You have a package Mr. Cena." The clerk said, handing it to him along with his card key.

"Yes." He whispered, tearing open the paper and seeing a tape inside.

"Yes what?" Kidman asked.

"Just a tape. According to Eddie and Helms a very hot tape." Cena said, smiling in anticipation.

"You're gonna share right?" Kidman asked.

Only because I was stupid enough to tell you what it was. I'd rather be alone in case it is that hot. Cena thought with a sigh.

"Of course, we'll get some of the other guys together and have a few beers." Cena said.

"Great. What time?" Kidman said smiling.

"Nine. Everyone should be here by then." Cena said.

Besides that gives me time for a preview. He thought.


	31. losing the light Chapter 31

Chapter 31

*Crash/Shane Helms*

"Shane man you gotta get out. Kane just burst in here and attacked me. Then he demanded to know about the tape. He's headed your way." Crash said quickly.

"What do you mean? What does that have to do with me?" Helms asked.

"I told him the truth… I got it from you." Crash said.

"You idiot… I'll kill you myself." Helms said, hanging up and moving toward the door.

*Helms/Kane*

Too late. Shane thought, when he opened the door to a pissed Kane.

Before he could react, Helms found himself being shoved back into his room.

He will tell me where he got this. Though the truth is clear I will have it confirmed. Kane thought, still holding out a little hope that it wasn't his J.J.

I'm not some little shit like Crash, he wont' push me around. Helms decided, as soon as he regained his balance.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Helms yelled.

This… where did you get this? Kane demanded, holding up tape.

"Man if you want a copy no problem." Helms said, trying not to show any fear of the bigger man.

I don't want a copy… I want the source. Kane thought, hurling the tape at Helms.

Helms threw his hand up and blocked the tape as it flew toward his face.

"What do you want!" Helms demanded.

Picking up a pen he wrote the word 'where' on his uninjured hand.

"Where did I get it? What does it matter?" Helms said, determined not to give Kane a name.

Kane stepped forward and smacked Helms across the face. His bloody hand making a sickening wet sound when it connected with Helms' flesh.

You will tell me what I want. Kane thought, reaching for the smaller man.

It didn't take long for Kane to loosen his victim's tongue.

He got it from Palumbo? How would he get a tape with J.J. on it? Kane wondered pounding on the rookie's door.

When there was no answer, he forced the door open, only to find the room empty.

It looks as if they all took off rather quickly. Kane thought, seeing the condition of the room.

Palumbo can't hide for long. He still has to go to work. Kane thought, a small smile spreading under his mask.

*?*

Looks like he just found out about the tape. It took long enough. ? thought, as he watched the big man stalk down the hallway.

*Pete*

"What happened Shane?" Pete asked, when he saw the battered man outside his door.

"Kane." Was the young man's only answer.

"He did this to you? Any idea why?" Pete asked, inviting the young man in and beginning to treat him.

"We got this tape from Palumbo. A porn tape." Helms began. "But why he'd be pissed about it I have no idea. He busted in on Crash. Crash sent him to me. I tried not to but… well you should be seeing Palumbo any minute."

"I don't understand…" Pete said, his voice trailing off as his mind wandered.

*Kane*

Going back to his room, Kane paced quickly. Then as he calmed the pain in his hand reminded him of the cuts he's sustained. Looking down he was surprised to see he still held the tape.

I thought I threw this at Helms. Did I pick it back up? Kane wondered.

Unable to stop himself, Kane put the tape into the VCR and hit play. He watched as one and then two men were with the woman. The longer he watched the more convinced he became that it really was J.J.

How could she do that? How could she say those things about us? She'd seemed so different, but now I see she wasn't. She just chose to use a different knife than the others to do the damage. How many others have seen this? How many now know or have seen this tape? Kane's rage filled mind continued to run.

Each new question fed the rage, which in turn fueled the questions. Before long he'd pulled the tape from the machine and crushed it to small bits. Then he went for his bags. From them he pulled everything that reminded him of her.

*X-Pac/Pete*

Arriving back at the hotel X-Pac went to the desk.

"I'm sorry I'm so late in checking in. Is my room still available?" X-Pac asked the clerk.

"No problem sir. Pete told me you would be late." The clerk replied.

"Knew I could count on him." X-Pac replied, sounding tired and pained.

He took his key and headed upstairs. He heard them even before he got to his room.

"Damn it I slept on the cot last night, one of you two should take it today." He heard Tori screech.

"Forget it. You aren't the one who got their ass handed to them tonight. You will sleep on the cot and be happy we didn't lock you out in the hall." He heard Billy reply.

Bickering as usual. He thought opening his door.

Just then he heard a door open quickly enough to strike the wall. Turning toward the sound he saw Kane storm out of a room with his customary two bags.

Where is he going? He usually stays overnight on show nights if he can. X-Pac thought.

Curiosity getting the better of him, X-Pac went down to the still open room and looked inside.

As he expected the room was trashed. Lying on the ground were some clothes and what looked like an unstrung tape.

X-Pac checked the hall and seeing that Kane had already left the floor entered the room.

Why would he leave behind half his clothing? X-Pac wondered, sifting through the stream of tape and bits of plastic.

What's this? He wondered picking up a silver necklace with an intricate silver charm.

Inside the circular charm was a black stone. The stone itself had a band of red running through it. There was also a watch and some pictures.

I don't know what's going on, but it looks like he's leaving this stuff behind. If he has for some reason, I don't want to let housekeeping throw all this out. X-Pac decided.

Picking up the necklace, watch and pictures he turned toward the door.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Pete said, seeing X-Pac picking through Kane's things.

"Trying to decide what to do with this shit. Seems Kane has left without it. I didn't want housekeeping to toss it. It must be important if he's kept it this long." X-Pac said, handing the necklace and watch to Pete.

Then he started looking through the pictures. One by one he looked at them and passed them to the trainer.

I never knew the guy in these pictures. He looks happy. I thought he was happy when we were hanging together. But looking at these, now I see happiness in him. X-Pac thought.

"We have to find a way to get him back to this." X-Pac said, handing Pete a picture where Kane's happiness shone from him like the sun.

He actually seems to care. What was he doing near Kane's room anyway? Pete wondered, looking down at Kane's image.

"Why do you even care?" Pete asked, immediately suspicious of X-Pac's motives.

"Because I screwed up… I know that. I've known it for a long time. I just can't fix it. This I might be able to help fix. I owe him that much at least, especially after tonight." X-Pac replied.

"What are you talking about?" Pete asked.

"DX was standing there watching me get my ass handed to me. Kane could have kept pounding on me. But he didn't. He stopped and made sure I understood that I needed to stay down. You should take a look at the tape. He stopped long before DX jumped into the fight." X-Pac said.

"That doesn't explain what you are doing in Kane's room. Or with his things." Pete said.

"I was heading to my room down the hall when he stormed out of here. He'd left the door open and I got curious. When I saw all this stuff I decided to take it and hold on to it. But now I think you'd be better off with it than me. If Hunter should find it or find out who it belongs too it would be the same as letting housekeeping toss it." X-Pac said.

He has a point. Kane has a bad habit of losing his temper and doing things without thinking them through. He may want these back some day. It would be a shame if they got thrown out. Pete decided, even as he was taking the stack of pictures.

"You're right. I'll take them." Pete said, moving further into the room and picking up everything Kane had left.

By the time he was finished he'd amassed a small stack of clothing, the necklace, watch and several pictures.

This is all stuff that he got while he was with J.J. I remember being surprised the first time I saw him wearing something besides black or gray. I thought then that J.J. had something to do with it. I guess he's getting rid of everything to do with her. That isn't a good sign. Pete thought taking the pile of belongings back to his room.

*Palumbo*

I'm glad we left right after the event. This way there won't be to many fans waiting in the new city. We can get in and get some sleep. Then get to the gym early. Works out better this way. Palumbo thought, as he drove.

Just another couple of hours and I'll wake Kidman for his turn behind the wheel. It'll be good to have a third for the trip. Though I'd still like to know why he is suddenly not willing to share a room with Crash. He thought, looking at his two sleeping companions.

*Roger/Sandy*

"Well Sandy I know who that X-Pac kid is. But it doesn't make any sense." Roger said, as he walked into the kitchen.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"I mean he works for Titan Sports just like he said. But Titan sports is better known as World Wrestling." He replied.

"She was a wrestler?" Sandy asked sounding confused.

"I know he is. But no I don't think she was a wrestler. Waltman said she was a photographer. Maybe she was a camera operator or something." Roger said.

"She never mentioned even working for them. Why would she keep that a secret?" Sandy asked.

"I don't know. Hopefully we'll get a chance to ask her." Roger said.

*Kane*

Where did that tape come from? Who are those men? Why did she really leave? Was she already planning to go before I found out about the fire? Why did she let them use her that way and let them film it? I thought she was so different than Tori and the others. How could I have been so wrong? Kane thought, as the white lines of the road passed quickly.

Kane's mind flew from one question and thought to another with lightning speed. With each new unanswerable question his anger and confusion grew.

I was wrong about her. I've been wrong about a lot of things. Kane thought, as he finally pulled into the Deming Hilton.

*J.J.*

I still can't believe I did that. What an idiot. If he'd somehow seen you or found out you were there he'd be hurt. You promised you'd stay away. J.J. thought as she walked into her hotel room.

You've hurt him enough already. More than you'd ever thought you would. You have to stay away and keep to your word. J.J. told herself, as she curled up on the bed.

**** Dreaming****

What am I doing here? J.J. thought, looking down through the crowd at the ring.

I shouldn't be here. If he sees me he'll be pissed. She thought, as she began to leave.

Just then the wrestlers were announced and J.J. stopped.

If I leave now I'll just draw attention to myself. I'll just stay quiet and try to keep the crowd in front of me. J.J. decided, as even in her dream she jumped with the explosion of Kane's pyro.

"Oh shit." J.J. muttered when she caught Kane's eye. "He saw me, now what do I do?"

Moving through the crowd J.J. turned for one more glance at Kane.

"Oh no please!" J.J. yelled, when she saw Kane being pummeled by DX.

You distracted him and now look what you've done. J.J. thought, ashamed that she'd hurt him again.

"STOP!" J.J. cried rushing toward Kane, but she was too late.

****End Dream****

*?*

Leaving so soon? ? Thought, as he saw Kane storming through the lobby.

Why would you be doing that? There's a party upstairs and a film premiere. ? Wondered sarcastically.

A slow smile spread across his face as he watched the big man check out.

Oh maybe I do understand. Did they you find out about the party? Did you already find out about the tape too? ? Wondered, remembering the conversations he'd heard.

Maybe this is all going to happen sooner than I'd planned. But that's fine; I'm ready for you. He thought his smile growing.

*J.J.*

Rolling over J.J. stared at the ceiling.

"I'm still dreaming of him in danger. Only now I am the cause. How can this be when we've been apart for so long?" J.J. wondered, trying to make sense of the dream.

"How could everything have gone so wrong?" J.J. wondered again, for probably the millionth time since she'd walked away.

Shaking her head J.J. got up.

"No sense in trying to sleep now. I'll only fall back into the dream. As much as I love to seen him even if it is only a dream. I can't endure seeing him in danger like that." J.J. muttered as she headed to the mini bar.

"No, drinking isn't going to make me feel better. Maybe a good run will do the trick." J.J. thought, hoping the hotel gym was open 24-7.

Much to her relief it was.

*Vince/Helms*

"What do you mean you can't wrestle?" Vince yelled into the phone.

"I mean I got my ass kicked!" Shane Helms replied loudly.

"Who did it?" Vince demanded.

"Kane, he was looking for something and I was in his way." Helms said.

"IN his way? What the hell are you talking about?" Vince screamed into the receiver.

"Does it really matter? I'm out for a week." Helms replied.

"Yes it matters." Vince growled. "Are you going to explain or what?"

"I don't know how to explain. It had something to do with a sex tape, but I don't have any Idea what." Helms said.

"That doesn't make any sense." Vince said, still sounding confused.

"That's what I've been telling you. It doesn't make sense." Helms replied, but all he heard was a click and the dial tone.

"Good bye." Helms muttered sarcastically, as he replaced the receiver.

*Kane*

Getting up to his room Kane changed and lay down.

It's no use I won't sleep tonight. He thought rolling over and sitting up.

Even with his eyes open he still saw scenes from the movie flash before his eyes. He could still hear J.J.'s moans of pleasure.

How could she have fooled me so much? She actually made me believe she was different. But if she loved me as she claimed, then she wouldn't have been with them so soon after we split. If she loved me she wouldn't have said what she did about me. Mark was right she was using me. She was just like everyone else. Kane thought, his mind a jumble of confusion and raw emotion.

I know what I am and what I must do. My only goal now is to destroy DX. Kane thought, knowing what he'd have to do to attain that goal.

Once the decision was made, Kane felt himself grow calm.

It's amazing I feel nothing. Kane thought, as the numbness filled him.

Nothing. He thought, sitting down and staring calmly into space.

*Vince*

"Answer damn it." Vince thought, after the second ring.

"Lobby." The young woman said cheerfully.

"What room is Kane Bearer in?" Vince demanded.

"Well," Vince said after a second, even thought he could hear her typing.

"I'm sorry sir, but he checked out a couple of hours ago." She said, sounding less cheerful.

"What!" Vince yelled, nearly making the young clerk drop the phone.

"Sir, he checked out." She repeated, now beginning to feel flustered.

Without another word Vince slammed down the phone.

"What jerk." The clerk said snidely to the now dead receiver.

"Who was that?" Her co-worker asked.

"Vince McMahon." She replied.

*Pete/J.J.*

I wonder why I haven't heard from J.J.? She usually calls after each show to check on him. Pete thought, looking quickly at the phone.

Maybe I should call her. What if something happened? Pete thought, becoming a little worried.

Picking up his phone he quickly called the number she'd given him.

"Yeah," Pete heard.

"Nice way to answer." Pete joked, already relieved to hear her voice.

"It's the middle of the night you know." J.J. replied joking.

"It doesn't sound like I woke you so it can't be that late." Pete replied, picking up her lighthearted tone.

"Actually I just woke up right before the phone rang." She said, sounding a bit more serious. "Is something wrong?"

"No, it just concerned me that you hadn't called after the even like you usually do." Pete said.

"He seemed ok, so I decided not to bother you. Did something happen after the show?" J.J. asked sounding more concerned.

"Actually something happened before the show." Pete said.

"What?" J.J. practically yelled.

"Relax, he wasn't hurt, thank god." Pete said.

"Apparently someone set a trap on the locker room door. When he opened it, the area caught fire. I wasn't there so I don't know exactly what happened. I do know he wasn't burned." Pete said, adding the last part before she could ask.

"Someone tried to burn him!" J.J. yelled

"That's what it looked like. But like I said I wasn't there to see it." He replied, speaking softly to try and calm her.

"So how do you know he wasn't touched?" J.J. asked, sounding extremely worried, but calmer.

"Al said he saw him jump back. He said the fire never touched him, but that Kane had looked really shocked." Pete replied.

"He should look shocked. Do you know what the setup of the trap was?" She asked.

"No, what difference does that make?" Pete asked.

"Because the setup would tell if they really meant to hurt him, or just scare him." J.J. said, her old cop instincts resurfacing.

"I still don't understand." Pete said sounding puzzled.

"The easiest way is to know exactly how the trap was laid out. Were signs left to warn the intended victim? If so then the trap was probably a warning or a threat. If not then it was intended to hurt him." J.J. replied, sounding more distant as she talked.

"You sound like you know about things like this." Pete said, now sounding confused about her comment.

"I do, or more correctly did work for the police. I was a forensic photographer before I came to the WWF. That's the kind of stuff we were trained to see." J.J. replied.

"Are you serious?" Pete asked. "How come I didn't know?"

"Believe it or not yeah. You didn't know because only Vince and Kane knew. I really didn't want people to know." J.J. replied.

"Oh," Pete said quietly.

"Hey is that why you handled the Ministry the way you did? Police training?" Pete said almost as if thinking aloud.

"Sort of." She began. "An officer friend of mine insisted that I take a self-defense course. I did the main port was using a purse as a weapon. I just substituted camera for purse." She said laughing.

"It all make sense now." Pete said, joining her laughter.

They both fell silent for a moment.

"Since he wasn't hurt maybe there were signs, I hope there were. Because if they seriously meant to hurt him they'll try again." Pete said.

"Pete, is he still keeping you away?" J.J. asked suddenly.

"Yeah, he's been very clear on that front." Pete said, remembering Kane's various warnings.

"What do you mean?" J.J. asked.

"Nothing, only that he's being very stubborn about it." Pete replied, unwilling to tell her.

"Oh." J.J. said.

Do I ask her about the watch, necklace and clothes? Pete wondered. Were they gifts from her?

"What aren't you telling me?" J.J. said, breaking into his thoughts.

"Nothing, I'm just distracted." Pete said, hoping she'd fall for it.

"Ok, so aside from being distracted what's up?" J.J. said, hoping he'd open up.

"Nothing, what's up on your end?" Pete asked hoping she'd stay on the line a bit.

"Not a thing why do you ask?" J.J. said, suddenly realizing she might have been seen.

"Because a woman who fit your description was running from vendor to vendor looking for a Kane shirt." He said laughing.

"Busted…" J.J. whispered.

"If you were here why didn't you let me know? We could have had dinner or something." Pete said.

"Because I told him I'd stay away. It's bad enough that I broke my word. I didn't want him to find out." She said.

I'd better not say anything about the stuff he left. If they were from her, she'd be hurt. Pete decided.

*Undertaker/Kane*

Kane paced back and forth in front of the door.

Oh just do it. You know it's the only way. Kane told himself sternly.

Raising his hand, he knocked quickly before he could change his mind.

It's about time. Undertaker thought. But I have to make him believe it's a surprise.

"What are you doing here?" Undertaker said.

"Need talk." Kane said painfully through his amplifier.

"About what? I thought you didn't want anything to do with us." Undertaker said, intentionally making things difficult.

No way he gets back without some trouble. If it's too easy he'll know something is up. Undertaker thought.

"Was wrong." Kane said, knowing exactly what Mark was doing.

"So your finally ready to admit you need my help to deal with DX." Undertaker said, as he stood still blocking the doorway.

Kane brought the box up preparing to answer.

"Don't ever use that thing around me again." Undertaker said sounding disgusted.

Kane stopped and nodded dropping the hand back to his side.

"You've become weak since you split with me. That thing is just another show of weakness in you." Undertaker said, now looking at Kane with disdain.

He's really pushing. I thought he wanted me back. Kane thought. Did he change his mind?

"Your first act of obedience is to destroy that." Undertaker said, pointing at the amplifier.

But how will I communicate? Kane wondered, before realizing that was part of the lesson.

Kane dropped it onto the floor. Then he brought his foot up and stomped on it. It took three blows to completely demolish it.

I'm glad I left J.J.'s gifts. He'd have made me destroy them too. Kane thought, not sure why he cared.

"That's a good start." Undertaker said, stepping back to allow Kane to enter.

Stepping inside, Kane looked around.

I'm the scarred one but he lives in the dark. Kane thought, noticing that only one small lamp was lit.

Kane stood just inside the door and waited.

Good, he's already waiting for my commands. Undertaker thought.

"Take a seat." Undertaker said.

Without even looking at him, Kane sat on the closest seat.

"You know that as a member of my ministry you must follow my commands. Failure to do so will be painful to you. Unlike DX I won't allow dissension.

You will obey or you will be sorry." Undertaker said, pausing to let his words sink in.

"Do you still want to come back?" Undertaker asked watching Kane closely.

Want has nothing to do with it. Kane thought, even though he nodded.

"Go check out of your room. You will room next door with Gangrel from now on." Undertaker said, dismissing him. "Then come back."

*Undertaker*

It worked, he doesn't even suspect me at all. If he did he'd never have come back. He's convinced DX is behind the tapes and games. None of this would have worked if that little firebug had been honest, or if Kane had been less stubborn. They had me worried for a bit. But it's been months now and she hasn't turned up once. He's mine as it should be. Undertaker thought, a slight smile tugging at his lips.

"Wonder what's on this?" Pete muttered, looking at the video he'd found in Kane's room.

Only one way to find out. He decided, carefully winding the tape back into its case then loading it in the VCR.

"Holy shit." He exclaimed as the tape began.

"That can't be J.J." Pete said quietly. "She wouldn't do that."

Unable to stop himself, Pete watched more trying to see the woman's face.

"This thing is awful." He said, turning it off. "If that's not J.J. it sure looks like her. But it's really weird that you never see her face. Besides, it looked like she had a tattoo. Did J.J. have one?"

Pulling the tape from the machine, he tossed it into the trash.

"No, something tells me I'll need that god awful thing." Pete muttered, pulling the tape from the trash.

*Kane/Gangrel*

Going back to his room, Kane picked up his bags and put in the few things he'd removed. The he brought them to Gangrel's room.

At least he's not making me room with father. Kane thought, as he knocked on Gangrel's door.

Without waiting for an invitation, Kane walked in and dropped his things on one of the beds. Then he turned around and walked back out.

What the hell is going on? Gangrel wondered, as he watched Kane walk away.

*Kane*

How am I going to tell them that I'm checking out. Kane wondered, as he approached the desk.

Kane put his key on the desk and slid it toward the clerk.

"Checking out sir?" The clerk asked cheerfully.

Kane just nodded

"Oh, Mr. Bearer. I have a message for you." The young man said, surprising Kane.

Mr. Bearer? Kane thought, reaching for the slip of paper.

Room 1219 NOW!


	32. losing the light Chapter 32

Chapter 32

*Vince*

Kane read as he headed toward the elevators.

He'll have to wait until after Mark. Either way I piss someone off. But Vince is easier to deal with. Kane decided, as he rode back upstairs.

*Undertaker/Gangrel*

Gangrel stood outside Undertaker's door, nervously debating whether or not to disturb him.

Have to find out what is going on. He decided, finally bringing his hand up to knock.

"Um Undertaker…" Gangrel began.

"Speak." Undertaker said.

"Kane just moved into my room." He said.

"I sent him. He has returned and will room with you." Undertaker replied as if talking to a child.

"Why with me… Couldn't he stay with Paul?" Gangrel asked, unwilling to give up his privacy.

"Would you like to room with Paul?" Undertaker asked.

"No." Gangrel said quickly.

"I didn't think so." Undertaker answered, dismissing the blond.

I don't see why I have to be punished. Kane is a bitch to room with. Gangrel thought, yanking the door open.

What the? He thought walking into someone.

*Kane/Undertaker*

I wonder what other demands he'll make. Kane thought, as he brought his hand up to knock.

Kane almost hit Gangrel when the door suddenly opened.

Damn I almost hit him. Kane realized.

From the look on his face he's no happier about the rooming arrangements than me. Kane thought, with a touch of sadness.

He's as much a freak as me with those damn teeth. But even he doesn't want to be around me. Kane thought, surprise that he even cared.

"Come in." Kane heard his brother growl.

Kane stepped aside so Gangrel could get through, then he entered the darkened from.

He's so weak now that he even moves aside for people. Undertaker thought with disgust.

"She made you even weaker than I thought." Undertaker said, his voice tinged with anger.

What is he talking about? Kane wondered, as his own anger rose. I'm not weak.

He doesn't even realize he did it. Undertaker thought with disbelief.

"There was a time Kane when you'd have pushed someone out of your way, not moved aside for them to pass." Undertaker said, his voice still edged with anger.

He's right. Kane realized with surprise. I didn't even think about it or notice it. Maybe he's right.

Good he's confused. I can use that. Undertaker thought.

That is the Kane I want in my Ministry. Not this weak pathetic imposter. Undertaker thought, amused when he saw Kane stiffen.

"You will do what I tell you to. If you fail me, you'll never get your revenge on DX. I'll make sure of it." Undertaker said.

Kane nodded.

I've just stepped back into hell. Kane thought, as Mark dismissed him.

He's mine as he should be. Undertaker thought.

I was here before and swore I'd never come back. But he was right all along. He was right about J.J. and about DX. I can't take them alone. Together they're too strong. With the Ministry backing me, I can make them suffer. Kane thought.

Kane walked next door and used his new key to enter.

Damn I hate rooming with this guy. I've never met anyone so sloppy in my life. Kane thought, seeing Gangrel's clothes and gear strewn around the room.

How could he have already made such a mess? We've only just gotten here. Kane wondered, scooping some stuff off his bed he could sit.

I guess it could be worse. He could have put me in with father. Kane decided.

*Vince/Kane/Undertaker*

Now to go deal with Vince. Kane thought, heading back out.

"Where are you going?" Kane heard, as he left the room.

Mark? Kane thought, turning to look.

How did he just happen to be in the hall? Did he somehow know I'd been summoned? Kane wondered with confusion.

Walking back, he gave Undertaker the note.

"I'm going with you. Kane you should have told me about this. You do nothing without my knowledge." Undertaker said sternly.

Kane nodded and fell into step slightly behind Undertaker.

He's already falling back into his old ways. Undertaker thought, when Kane began to walk behind him.

*Pete *

"Oh no." Pete said, when he saw Kane and Undertaker together.

"Please tell me he didn't go back to his brother." Pete said quietly.

Kane was doing so good. He'd broken free, begun trusting again. He even returned my friendship somewhat. Now he's back to what he was in the beginning. Pete thought feeling his stomach drop.

First he and J.J. split. Then suddenly he wanted nothing to do with me. Could undertaker be behind his backward slide? Pete wondered.

I haven't seen Undertaker anywhere near him until today. Did the tape drive him back. Was there something else happening? Pete wondered, getting angry at his lack of answers.

"J.J. isn't going to be happy to hear about this." Pete muttered, as he got onto the elevator.

*Undertaker/Kane/Vince*

"What are you doing here?" Vince said, as he opened the door.

Just then Kane stepped into view.

Oh shit, they're back together. Vince thought, though he tried to keep his face expressionless.

Surprise. Kane thought ruefully, when he saw a flash of fear in Vince's eyes.

That's right Vince be afraid. You know the damage we can do when we're together. Undertaker thought.

"Come in." Vince said stepping aside.

Without a word both the big men entered.

"Kane what is the meaning of this. I asked to see you, not him." Vince said.

"He's back in my Ministry. Anything that involves him, involves me." Undertaker said, not even giving Kane a chance.

Even if I could talk he'd have cut me off. Kane thought, feeling slightly resentful.

Vince looked at Kane as if expecting something.

He's not even going to try and answer. Vince thought.

"Fine." Vince growled, beginning to pace.

"Kane I called you hear to suspend you." Vince said, waiting for some response.

Again! Kane thought, starting to feel pissed.

"Suspend him, NO I don't think so." Undertaker said, glaring at the owner.

"He put Shane Helms out of action for a week. He needs to be suspended." Vince said, trying to look intimidating.

"No suspension. He has just found his way back to me. I won't allow him to be suspended." Undertaker said, his voice growing deeper and louder as he spoke.

"I'll think about it and get back to you." Vince said, trying not to let his voice crack.

Without another word Undertaker turned to leave. Kane followed him out.

That's a bonus. Being back in the Ministry means I won't get suspended every other week. Kane thought, smiling behind his mask. Vince looked ready to shit his pants.

*Pete/J.J.*

"Now I know he's with them." Pete thought, hanging up the phone.

"He checked out of his room and has moved into a Ministry room." He muttered.

"I have to tell J.J. NO way I let her find out by seeing them like I did." Pete decided, reaching for the phone.

"J.J." he said, trying not to sound as anxious as he felt.

"What happened?" J.J. asked sounding upset. "Was he hurt after all?"

"No, but the news is almost as bad. He's back in the Ministry." Pete said, deciding that the direct approach was best.

"He's WHAT! Why would he do that?" J.J. cried, her voice cracking, as she fought back tears.

"I don't know why, but I saw them walking together just like in the old days." He replied.

"He swore he was through with them!" J.J. said, sounding angry now. "Something happened Pete. Something drove him back, I know it."

She's right of course. Was it the tape that drove him back? Pete wondered, debating whether or not to tell her.

How do I tell her I saw a tape of her with two other men. Pete thought.

"J.J. do you have any tattoos?" Pete asked.

"No, what does that have to do with Kane?" J.J. asked sounding confused.

The tape could still be from before they met. Pete thought.

What is he talking about? Why would he ask something like that? J.J. wondered, waiting for him to continue.

"Did you ever have one removed. Like on your left shoulder?" Pete asked.

"NO!" J.J. said. "What is this all about?"

J.J. sat in silence as Pete described finding the things Kane has left behind and the tape.

"Now you know why I asked. She had a tattoo on her left shoulder, you don't. So the woman can't be you." Pete said sounding relieved.

On the other end of the phone J.J. wiped away the tears and tried to compose herself.

"How could you have thought it was me? How could he have believed it?" J.J. said, her tears still falling.

Without another word she hung up.

*Ron/Mike*

"Well, I just heard they're coming back in four months." Mike said.

"That long? I really wish it was sooner. We really need to get to Kane." Ron replied.

"Something tells me that's easier said than done." Mike said with a smile.

"We should at least be able to get to that Pete guy, the trainer." Ron said.

"Maybe, but maybe we should keep out of this. By the time they get here it will be nearly a year apart." Mike said.

"True and if nothing comes of it that's fine. But he needs to know the truth." Ron answered.

"True, it's more for J.J. than him anyway." Ron countered.

"Have you heard from her?" Mike asked.

"Yeah, she checked in with me last week." Ron said.

"I mean since then?" Mike said.

"No, nothing since then. I would have told you." Ron countered.

"I know you would. Oh what the hell, I'm still worried. I can't help it." Mike said with a shrug.

"That's the cop in you." Ron laughed. "Chris was the same way."

*Roger/Sandy*

"Sandy I checked into this 'Titan' company. It's wrestling… as in WWF." Roger said.

"She was a wrestler?" Sandy said, sounding shocked.

"No, I called pretending to be a potential employer. She was a photographer. She left suddenly a bit over three months ago." Roger said.

"That doesn't make any sense." Sandy said, now sounding confused. "Did they give a reason?"

"No, but she said that sudden departures are common with Titan." Roger said, with a shrug.

"Maybe she was fired. That would explain why she didn't tell us about it." Sandy said.

"That's a possibility I guess. If she calls we can ask." Roger said.

*Ministry*

Standing in the back of the hotel room, Kane stared at the wall behind his brother's head.

I wonder who he'll have me face. Maybe Hunter, that would be great. Kane thought.

To celebrate Kane's return, I'll allow him to choose his opponent. Anyone but DX. Undertaker decided.

"Kane you may choose your opponent. Anyone except DX you are not ready for them." Undertaker said.

Damn it, I came back to get DX. But there is another I want just as badly. He thought, picking up a piece of paper and writing down a name.

"Palumbo? Why would you want him. He's nothing." Undertaker thought.

Annoyed me Kane wrote.

He's lying to me. But I can't call him on it. If I did he'd know about my involvement. Undertaker thought.

"If that's who you want, I'll arrange it." Undertaker said.

"Grel you'll team with Edge and Christian for a six man against those Hardy brats and Dreamer. We'll announce Kane's return before your match." He said.

He's actually going to announce my return. Maybe things will be different this time. Kane thought.

I'm sick of always teaming with those two. I can fight singles. Why won't he let me? Gangrel asked himself.

"Be ready to leave in an hour." Undertaker said dismissing them.

Like it's going to take more than an hour to get my gear together. Hell, I could unpack and repack in less than that time. Kane thought, deciding to do just that.

*Kane*

As he pulled out a shirt, Kane saw something flutter to the floor.

A picture? He thought, snatching it up quickly. I thought I left all of these behind.

Kane looked over his shoulder at Grel, and was glad to see him otherwise occupied.

Good he didn't see it. Kane thought, turning it face up.

It's one of the ones I took. He thought, remembering the day at the amusement park.

I took this one of both of us on the ride. She called it the spider. He remembered.

Then the images from the tape filled his head. He started to tear the picture in half, then stopped himself.

Someday I may want this. It's my last link with that time. Kane decided, slipping it into the bottom of his bag.

I have to let Kane know the woman isn't J.J. Maybe that's what sent him back. Pete thought, already trying to devise a way to talk to Kane.

I can't sneak into his room because he's rooming with them again. Same thing with the locker room. Pete decided. My only chance is if he needs to be alone for something. I don't see that happening.

*Kane/Palumbo*

Why did I ever give that tape out? I knew I should have kept it a secret. But NO I had to be popular…I had to tell people. Now I'm a dead man because of it. Palumbo thought, as he paced the ring waiting for Kane.

The trail of the tape definitely leads back to him. But where did he get it? Kane wondered, knowing he couldn't ask.

He's waited long enough. Kane decided signaling for his entrance.

This is the last time I'll come out to my own music. Once Mark announces my return they'll use the ministry music. Kane thought, as he walked down the ramp.

Damn he's big. Palumbo thought, even though he was only four inches shorter.

Palumbo stepped back instinctively as Kane entered the ring.

That's it boy. Be afraid, be very afraid. Kane thought stalking forward.

The best defense is a good offence. Palumbo thought, deciding to charge the bigger man.

Why won't this guy go down? I've hit him with everything I have and at best I've rocked him. Palumbo thought, beginning to worry.

I've had about enough. Kane thought, shoving the smaller man away with tremendous force.

Kane smiled when he saw Palumbo slam into the turn buckle and then bounce landing face down on the mat.

Time for you to scream. Kane thought, grabbing a handful of hair and pulling Palumbo to his feet.

*J.R./King*

"IT almost looks like Kane is playing with him King." J.R. said.

"You're right. Kane isn't even moving to defend himself. But Palumbo is throwing everything at him." King replied.

"Palumbo has Kane rocking. But what's that. Kane was playing possum. Now he's turned the tables on the rookie." J.R. said.

"Yeah, now he's bouncing the kid around like a ball." King said.

"NO doubt. Kane is in complete control of this match." J.R. added.

"Good it's over." King said, when he saw Kane go for the pin.

"Stay down." J.R. muttered, knowing Palumbo couldn't hear him.

"What is he doing?" King shouted.

"Guess he's not done." J.R. said, as Kane pulled the rookie up after the two count.

"Don't tell me you condone what he's doing." King said.

"Of course not, but I'm not going up there to stop him." J.R. said.

"I'm not going near him. I'm still having nightmares from our last encounter." King said quickly.

*Kane*

He's through. Kane realized, when Palumbo stopped trying to get up.

Reluctantly, Kane pinned the rookie and accepted the win. Then got to his feet.

That was quicker than I thought it would be. The kid looks tough, but he went down pretty fast. Kane thought, as he took position in the middle of the ring.

Kane brought his hands up, then quickly dropped them, setting off the pyro on the ring posts.

Even as the smoke cleared, Kane flipped backward over the top rope and walked up the ramp.

*Undertaker/J.J.*

Stepping out through the curtains, Undertaker peered through the purple light toward the ring.

These people are in for a hell of a shock. Undertaker thought, allowing his smile to show for a moment.

Walking out to the ring, he could feel the presence of his ministry behind him.

Look at him, he finally has exactly what he wanted, Kane. J.J. thought, as she watched the ministry walk to the ring.

As Undertaker raised his hands, the lights came up.

"I have come out here today with my ministry to introduce our newest member. My brother Kane has returned to us." He said, waving his hand toward the stage.

An explosion made nearly everyone jump as Kane walked to the ring.

He still doesn't look right. If anything he looks resigned. It's as if he's been forced to do this. Maybe he was telling the truth when he said he didn't want them. J.J. thought, watching Kane closely.

It took a while but he is mine again. Now we can destroy McMahon and take over the company. Now we can deal with DX. Everyone sees now how I can get anything or anyone I want. Undertaker thought, fighting for a second not to show his contempt for Kane.

*J.J./Pete*

It never changes. Week after week I watch Kane do Undertaker's dirty work. Yet he is never allowed to face who I know he really wants, DX. It has to be the reason he went back. J.J. thought, as she watched Smackdown.

I haven't heard from J.J. in weeks. Not since I told her about the tape and Kane leaving behind her things. Pete thought.

She doesn't answer when I call and she hasn't called me. But Kane hasn't been hurt or ganged up on since then either. He hasn't looked like he could have been hurt. Maybe she hasn't called because she knows he's ok. Pete thought hopefully.

I should call Pete back. It's not his fault that Kane left behind all reminders of me. But I still don't understand how he could have thought it was me in the tape. Or if Kane even saw the tape. J.J. thought, as she watched Kane destroy yet another opponent. I'm not ready yet. Kane looks fine and Pete's messages haven't said he's been hurt.

*Ron/Mike*

"Well they are back next week. We've already got our tickets, but how do we get backstage." Ron asked.

"We may not need to. That trainer's name was Pete right?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, Pete Lambert?" Mike said.

"No I think it was Landry." Ron corrected.

"You're right. But so what?" Mike said.

"Easy, I already know what hotel they are staying at. We leave him a message and hopefully he'll get back to us." Ron said.

"Somehow I doubt it will be that simple." Mike said. "But I hope it will be."

"You really are a pessimist aren't you." Ron laughed.

*Kane*

It's been months and I still haven't gotten my hands on DX. Mark keeps saying I'm not ready. But I am. Kane thought.

Maybe coming back was a mistake. Kane thought.

I remember the last time I was here. Kane thought, as he pulled up to the hotel. J.J. introduced me to her friends.

They probably hate me now. I wonder what she told them. Kane thought.

Why do you even care? You met them once. Kane told himself.

Pete

"Mister Landry, you have a message." The clerk said, as he handed Pete the key and a piece of paper.

Mr. Landry

You don't know me but I'm a friend of J.J.'s. I really need to speak with you about her.

Mike Sander

Why would one of J.J.'s friends need to talk to me? Has she kept in touch with them? If so maybe I can find out how she's doing. Pete thought, as he got on the elevator.

Getting to his room, Pete picked up the phone.

*Ron/Mike*

"Looks like you were right Ron. Pete called." Mike said. "He wants to see us this afternoon."

"Great, I told you it would work." Ron said. "Question is what do we say?"

"Simple we tell him what really happened." Mike said.

"What if he doesn't know why she left?" Ron asked.

"J.J. said Pete was a friend of both her and Kane. He should know." Mike said. "Guess we'll find out this afternoon."

*Undertaker*

So they want to talk to Kane about J.J. Too bad Kane will never get this message. Undertaker thought, crushing the note.

Kane will never know J.J.'s friends wanted to see him. I can't chance that they'll change his mind about her. Undertaker thought.

*J.J.*

They're in LA next. I wonder if the guys got tickets? J.J. thought.

Maybe I should call and ask. They could tell me how he looks. J.J. thought.

No, we don't discuss wrestling or Kane when we talk. If we did they'd only want to know all about what happened. J.J. thought. No it's better if I don't ask.

*Pete/Mike/Ron*

"Mr. Landry?" Ron said, standing up to shake Pete's hand. "I'm Ron Mathes and this is Mike Sander."

"Any friend of J.J.'s… and please call be Pete." Pete said, as shook their hands then took a seat.

"What did you need to see me about?" Pete asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"What do you know about how J.J. left?" Ron asked.

"Not much, they seemed fine. Then overnight they weren't talking. Then suddenly she was gone." Pete said. "I heard she made a big scene about leaving. People talk and the gist of it was that He broke it off."

"That's possible." Mike said.

"Why? What do you know?" Pete asked.

"Well, she showed up exhausted and looking like shit." Mike said, looking over at Ron.

"She didn't stay long. When she left she asked us to clean out her storage. When we went to do that we found all her cameras smashed. Then we found these." Ron said, passing Pete the envelope of articles.

"J.J.'s smashed cameras surprised the hell out of me and I called Mike. When we finally heard from her she would only say she didn't need them anymore."

Ron said, as he watched Pete shuffle through the pages.

"What are these? Are they real? Are they true?" Pete asked anxiously. "If Kane found out it would definitely upset him."

"Yes they're real and no they're not true. She didn't start the fire. She wasn't anywhere near the place when it went up." Mike said.

"But all of these blame her." Pete said.

"The articles that clearing her are a lot smaller and weren't in the envelope. The reason I know the whole story is because I'm a cop. I helped her join the force and worked with her." Mike said.

"I looked up the old papers and found some of the retraction articles." Mike added handing Pete another envelope.

"J.J. was a cop?' Pete asked with surprise.

"Sort of, she was a forensic photographer." Mike replied.

"She took pictures of dead people?" Pete asked.

"Not only dead people, evidence." Mike said laughing. "She also took pictures good enough to show in a local gallery."

"She took great pictures." Ron said.

"McMahon must have thought so to hire her. He only hires the best." Pete said.

"Everything makes more sense now. If someone threatened her with exposing this, J.J. would probably have run… wouldn't she?" Pete asked.

"No, she'd probably have exposed it herself rather than hurt Kane. She loved him, everyone could see it." Ron said. "I'd never seen her like that. She looked happy."

"If Kane found these, how would he react?" Ron asked.

"Considering its fire. I don't think he would react well. But I think he loved her too. I'd never seen him like that. He actually seemed happy too." Pete replied.

"If you told him the truth about the fire, do you think he'd want to talk to her?" Ron asked.

"I don't know. We don't know exactly what happened between them. But it's obvious that the articles had something to do with it. I haven't been able to get near him for a while." Pete said.

"What do you mean you can't get near him?" Mike asked.

"A few weeks after J.J. left, Kane suddenly didn't want anything to do with me. Any chance I had of changing his mind ended when he rejoined the Ministry." Pete said with a shrug.

"So you've tried." Ron asked.

"I've left him several messages which I doubt he got and tried several times to get him alone. None of it worked." Pete said. "Speaking of contact, have you heard from J.J.?"

"We hear from her a couple times a month." Mike said.

"So she's ok?" Pete asked.

"She's fine. She doesn't call you?" Ron asked.

"She did until I screwed up. Then she stopped answering her phone and didn't respond to my messages." Pete said.

"What happened?" Mike asked.

"I'm not exactly sure. Kane left some things behind in a hotel. They looked like the things she'd given him. There was also a tape. I know I shouldn't have but I watched it. It was … well it was porn. It was obviously homemade. They called the woman J.J. and it was very graphic. The woman looked physically like J.J… but they never showed her face…" Pete paused.

"I didn't believe it was her but I had to ask…She got upset and I haven't heard from her since." Pete said.

"How could you think she'd ever do something like that?" Mike asked.

"How did you ask her?" Ron asked simultaneously.

"Like I said, I didn't believe it. I asked her about a tattoo that I could see on the woman's shoulder." Pete said defensively.

"J.J. doesn't have any tats." Ron said.

"I know that now." Ron asked.

"I have to believe he did. It was in his room." Pete said. "That's why I've been trying to reach, him but I haven't been able to."

"That probably means he won't see us either." Mike said.

"Probably not. I don't know if he even gets my messages." Pete said.

"If he doesn't is there any direct way we can reach him?" Mike asked.

"Not one I can think of. Everything the Ministry does they do as a group, it's planned and overseen by Undertaker." Pete said.

"You're right it sounds impossible. But you'll keep trying right." Ron said.

"Now more than ever. He needs to know that she wouldn't do something like that." Pete said.

"Someone went to an awful lot of trouble to make her look bad. First the articles suddenly appear, then a tape showing someone fitting her description in that type of movie." Mike said. "If I didn't know better I'd say that someone tried to separate them."

"Sounds that way to me as well. If I had to guess I'd say Undertaker. After all he's wanted Kane back in the Ministry for a while, now he has him." Pete said.

"Is it possible Undertaker or someone has done the same thing to keep him away from you?" Ron asked.

"I guess, but I can't imagine what they would use." Pete said. "Not that I'm innocent but…"

They talked about J.J. for a bit then Pete returned to the hotel.

Getting back to the hotel, Pete went up to the desk.

"Can I have a some paper? I need to leave a message for someone." Pete said.

"Please be sure this get to Kane Bearer and only him." Pete said.

"I don't know if I can. We don't check ID to give messages." The clerk replied.

"You won't need to. Kane wears a full face mask and stands nearly seven feet tall. You can't miss him." Pete said.

"I'll do my best." The clerk replied.


	33. losing the light Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Kane/Undertaker

"Mr. Bearer." Kane heard as he walked through the lobby.

Turning toward the voice he saw the clerk holding something.

Kane,

I really need to speak to you about J.J.

Now we see how much control I have over him. Undertaker thought, as he watched Kane read the message.

Has J.J. been hurt? Kane wondered. How do I find out without endangering Pete and his family.

It could just be a way to get to me. But I thought he'd given up. It's been weeks since he last tried to talk to me. Kane thought, as he crushed the paper.

None of it matters now. Even if I wanted to talk to Pete, Undertaker would never allow it. Kane decided, rejoining the Ministry.

Good, he actually had no reaction to the note. But I still want to know who sent it. Undertaker decided, putting out his hand.

What? Kane wondered when he saw Undertaker put his hand out.

Oh the note. Kane thought, realizing he still had the crushed paper.

He is mine. Undertaker thought, when Kane passed the paper over without hesitation.

He's fallen right back into his old obedient ways. Somehow I thought it would take him longer. Undertaker thought, as he opened the message.

What does he care what it says. It's not like I'm going. Kane thought, when he saw Undertaker reading it.

So he wants to see Kane does he. Undertaker thought. We'll just see about that. If Kane goes to meet him I want to know about it.

"Gangrel I'll see you in my room." Undertaker said.

*Undertaker/Gangrel*

"You'll continue to watch him Gangrel. I want to know his every move." Undertaker said.

"I have been watching him. He doesn't go anywhere except the arena and the gym. Hell he even eats in the room." Gangrel said, sounding slightly exasperated.

"Good. Continue." Undertaker said, ignoring Gangrel's pained expression.

Damn it's been weeks. Why couldn't someone else watch him for a while so I can go out. Gangrel thought, knowing better than to say it aloud.

"You can go now." Undertaker told Gangrel.

*Kane/Gangrel*

I wish he'd sit still. He's driving me crazy. Gangrel thought, as he watched Kane pace.

Why is Pete trying to talk to me again? I thought he finally gave up weeks ago. I haven't heard from him since I rejoined the Ministry. Kane thought.

What does he want? Why all of a sudden did he leave me a message? Kane asked himself.

Damn it! Gangrel thought. I'm going to kill him.

"What the hell is your problem?" Gangrel growled. "Quit pacing you moron."

What the hell? Kane thought, whirling to face the blonde.

"Don't glare at me. Stop pacing already." Gangrel said.

Don't tell me what to do! Kane thought, beginning to pace again.

Step, step, step tug on glove, flip hair he needs to die. Gangrel thought, as he watched Kane.

Is something wrong with J.J.? Kane wondered, completely ignoring Gangrel's groan of frustration.

I can't take anymore! Gangrel thought, getting up to go.

Oh it doesn't matter. She's out of my life, and has been for almost a year. Besides I can't take the chance to see Pete. Who know if there is still danger to his family. Kane decided.

Even if the threat were gone, Undertaker would never allow me to see him. Undertaker lets no one interfere with his Ministry. Kane thought with aggravation.

You should be concentrating on your next match, not a message that means nothing. Mark has finally arranged a match with DX. Kane thought. It's only Gunn but it's a start and no DX interference.

*J.J./Mike*

"So Mike, how's it going? How's the wife?" J.J. said.

"She's fine. Everything is fine. How are you?" Mike replied.

"Oh you know me. Same shit different day." J.J. said.

"Really, so you're shooting again?" Mike said.

"No, but I'm doing great." J.J. said.

"J.J. we talked to Pete." Mike said.

"Oh yeah, about what?" J.J. asked.

"About you… what else." Mike said.

"Why does everyone need to talk about me. I'm not that interesting." J.J. replied.

"You are to me. You haven't been yourself since you left the WWF." Mike said.

"J.J. when we cleaned out your storage we found the articles?" Mike began. "We guessed that it was what broke the two of you up."

"What right do you have prying into my life." J.J. said, sounding aggravated.

"We're your friends J.J." Mike said.

"Does Kane know the whole thing or did he just see those articles." Mike asked.

"Just the articles…" J.J. said. "He wouldn't talk to me afterward."

"But you gave up your photography because of him." Mike said sounding disgusted.

"I didn't give it up for him!" J.J. said. "I gave it up because I wanted to."

"We gave Pete the rest of the articles. You know the ones that say they were wrong." Mike said.

"Why bother it doesn't matter." J.J. said.

"Yes it does and you know it." Mike said.

"I don't want to discuss Kane with you Mike." J.J. said.

"J.J., you're my friend…" Mike began.

"I know about that subject is off limits, ok." J.J. said.

"Fine." Mike said. "But…"

"No buts." J.J. said.

"Ok no buts." Mike said.

But if I ever see him I'm going to kill him. Mike thought. No way I'm telling her that Pete said he'd try to pass the article to Kane.

*J.J.*

I can't believe Mike and Ron would do that. I thought they knew better than get involved in my life. J.J. thought. Then again maybe if Kane found out the truth.

Oh what am I thinking he wouldn't want me back anyway. It was probably that I didn't tell him. J.J. decided.

"It's been almost a year. Why does it still hurt so much?" J.J. wondered aloud.

Kane

Pete's left me a dozen messages. It's nuts, doesn't he realize that I'm not going to see him. Even if I wanted to I'm never alone. Gangrel is always there.

If it's not him it's someone else. It's always someone. Kane thought glancing at Gangrel.

I've grown a shadow since I returned to the Ministry. I knew he'd watch me for a little while, but I didn't think it would last this long. Hell I've been back six months now, you think he'd have given up. Kane told himself.

*Pete*

I have to find a way to get to Kane, but he's never alone, never. Pete thought, watching the ministry. I hate to wish injury on someone, but it may be the only way I'll get Kane alone. Pete thought.

I've been trying since I saw Mike and Ron nearly three months ago. But so far I haven't even gotten any response from Kane. I have gotten some dirty looks from Undertaker. Undertaker must know something is up. Pete thought.

*Ron/Mike*

"Do you think Pete's gotten to Kane yet?" Ron asked.

"I don't know. He didn't think it would be easy. We probably won't know one way or another." Mike said.

"You're right though, I'd hoped we would hear from Pete one way or another." Ron replied.

"We still might, who knows?" Mike answered.

*Pete/Kane*

This may be my only chance. Pete thought, seeing Kane was alone.

"Kane I need to talk to you." Pete said, falling into step next to the bigger man.

Go away before someone sees you. Kane thought, picking up the pace.

"Kane, I met two of J.J.'s friends. They really wanted to meet you again." Pete began.

This is going to be impossible to explain. Pete realized.

What is he talking about? Kane wondered.

"Ron and Mike gave me some news clippings for you. They told me you would understand." Pete said. "They're in my hotel room."

News clippings? Maybe I should take a look at them. Kane thought.

"Can you stop by my room or meet me somewhere so I can give them to you?" Pete asked sounding stressed.

Yeah, If they're from Ron and Mike. Kane thought with a curt nod.

I should have been carrying them with me. Pete thought, even as Kane fell into step beside him.

Turning, Pete headed toward the elevator.

"Kane I saw the tape." Pete said.

He saw the tape too? How many people know about that? Kane wondered stiffening.

"Kane it's not her." Pete said. "The woman has a tattoo… does J.J.?"

No… J.J. doesn't have any. Did he really see one? Kane thought, becoming confused.

Shit it Undertaker. Pete thought, when he looked ahead.

"Kane, she didn't start the fire either." Pete said desperately.

He needs to know the truth and I doubt he'll get a chance now. Pete thought, when Kane fell out of step with him.

"Kane she wasn't responsible." Pete hissed, as Kane moved to join Undertaker.

How would he know about that? Did J.J. tell Ron or Mike? Is that how Pete knows? Kane wondered, even as he joined his brother.

"What did he want?" Undertaker asked.

Couldn't answer even if I wanted to. Kane thought with a shrug.

"Go back to your room." Undertaker said, not even bothering to look at his younger brother.

Kane just nodded and turned to go.

"Keep away from him." Undertaker said, once Kane was gone.

"What does it matter to you?" Pete asked.

"He's part of my Ministry everything he does concerns me." Undertaker said, walking away before he could respond.

"Jerk." Pete Muttered, as he headed on to his room.

*Undertaker*

He knows something. Undertaker thought as he watched Pete walk away.

Question is what did he tell Kane? Undertaker wondered.

*Undertaker/Kane*

Undertaker turned and followed Kane into his room.

"What did he want?" Undertaker asked.

This would be easier if he hadn't made me destroy the amplifier. Kane thought ruefully.

Kane picked up some paper and carefully wrote his answer.

Nothing Kane wrote.

"I want an answer." Undertaker growled.

Asked how I was wanted talk Kane wrote.

"You keep away from him." Undertaker said.

Why doesn't he want me around Pete. Kane wondered, even as he nodded his agreement.

Now I'm really curious to see what Pete has. Kane thought.

Want Hunter Kane wrote

"You're not ready for Hunter." Undertaker replied.

Been weeks Kane wrote.

"Don't question me!" Undertaker growled, as he move to the door.

*Kane*

The only way I'll get any answers is to sneak out after Gangrel is asleep. Kane thought, as he waited.

Good he's snoring. Kane thought, as he quietly got up and slipped out of the door.

*Kane/Pete*

"Kane, I didn't expect to see you." Pete said, motioning Kane inside.

Kane stopped and picked up some stationary and a pen.

Show me. Kane wrote quickly.

"Of course." Pete said, pulling out the articles.

Kane dumped the articles onto the table.

Why didn't I see these before? Kane wondered. Is this what she was trying to tell me?

Still holding the articles Kane began to pace.

"Was it the fire that caused the problem between you two?" Pete asked.

It's too late to change anything. But somehow I'm still glad to know it wasn't her. Kane thought, putting the articles down on the table.

Thanks Kane wrote.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but… well I watched the tape too. It isn't her. The girl in the movie had a tattoo and I just don't think J.J. would be in something like that." Pete said quietly.

He watched the tape? What right did he have? Kane thought becoming angry.

He's getting pissed. Pete realized.

"Kane I suspect that somehow your brother is involved in all of this." Pete said.

Kane whorled around and glared at the trainer.

That's it… that's why you really wanted to talk to me. You want me to turn on Mark. It's not going to happen. Not when I'm this close to getting revenge. Kane thought, feeling his anger rise.

Oh he's really pissed. Pete thought.

"Just think about it Kane, please." Pete said, as Kane stormed out of the room.

*Kane/Undertaker*

It doesn't make any sense. Why would Pete accuse Mark of being involved. How could he be responsible for any of it? Kane wondered.

But then again I'm back in the Ministry… exactly where he wanted me. Kane realized, as he opened the door to his hotel room.

Shit! He thought, when he saw Undertaker sitting on his bed.

Glancing over, he saw Gangrel asleep.

How did he know I was out? Did Gangrel go and get him then go to sleep? No… then how? Kane wondered.

"Where were you?" Undertaker demanded.

No matter what I say he'll be angry. Kane decided.

Pete Kane wrote.

"Why!" Undertaker growled.

Wanted talk Kane wrote quickly.

He's really pissed. Kane thought, feeling his own temper rise.

He knows better than to disobey me. Undertaker thought.

"What did he want to talk to you about? Did he hear from your little firebug?" Undertaker sneered.

Firebug… who's he to call anyone a firebug! Kane thought angrily.

Did he mean J.J.? How would he know about that? Kane thought, his anger becoming rage.

"Do you want DX or that bitch?" Undertaker asked growling.

He knows about J.J.? There's only one way he could know… he saw the articles. Kane thought with shock. Pete was right it was all a setup.

I can't believe it. Mark pretended to back off so I wouldn't suspect him. Kane thought, his fists clenched in anger.

"Well!" Undertaker demanded, getting to his feet.

You BASTARD! You destroyed the one good thing I had. Kane thought, stepping forward and swinging.

I'll kill him. Undertaker thought, when Kane's fist connected.

Kane continued to pound on Undertaker for several minutes, then before Undertaker could gain his feet Kane walked out.

Kane

He was behind the articles, but did he have anything to do with the tapes or with the fire in my locker room? Did he know she loved me? Is that why he did it, because she loved me? Kane wondered, as he stormed down the hall.

Kane slammed his car door and for the first time in his life, squealed the tires as he pulled out.

I can't believe I fell for the whole thing. He leaves some articles in my locker. What would he have used if there had been no fire? Kane wondered.

How did he find out about J.J.'s past? Kane asked himself.

I have to calm down. I have to think. Kane thought, as he reached out and turned on the radio.

I had it in my hand. I had happiness. But I let it go. Kane thought. Before J.J. I didn't know what happiness was. Now I know… I understand and it hurts more than ever now that I've lost it.

Just then his attention was drawn to the song on the radio.

Looking back

On the memory of

The dance we shared

Beneath the stars above

For a moment

All the world was right

But how could I have known

You'd ever say good bye

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end

The way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance

I could have missed the pain

But I'd have had to miss the dance

Holding you

I held everything

For a moment

Wasn't I the king

If I'd only known

How the king would fall

Hey who's to say

You know I might have changed it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end

The way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance

I could have missed the pain

But I'd have had to miss the dance

Yes my life

Is better left to chance

I could have missed the pain

But I'd have had to miss the dance

'The Dance' by Garth Brooks

It's true. Kane thought. Having those memories of J.J. is worth all the pain of not having her now. But I want her to know that I know the truth now. I need her to know she was right and I was being an ass.

Blinking rapidly, Kane tried to clear the tears from his eyes.

Scenes from their time together began running through his mind. He remembered her teaching him to dance.

She was so patient with me in everything. She never made me feel bad because I couldn't do something. Kane thought.

As the memories filled his mind Kane could feel the tears on his face, trapped behind his mask.

Reaching up Kane tried to wipe the tears from his eyes.

Opening his eyes Kane realized he'd drifted over onto the edge of the road. He quickly tugged the wheel left to put the car back in his travel lane.

She was the best friend I've ever had and I blew it. Kane thought, his attention once again

focused on the radio.

I miss the look of surrender in your eyes

The way your soft brown hair would fall

I miss the power of your kiss when we made love

But baby most of all

I miss my friend

The one my heart and soul confided in

The one I felt the safest with

The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again

And let the light back in

I miss my friend.

I miss the colors that you brought into my life

Your golden smile, those blue green eyes

I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now

Saying it'll be alright

I miss my friend

The one my heart and soul confided in

The one I felt the safest with

The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again

And let the light back in

I miss my friend.

I miss those times

I miss those nights

I even miss our silly fights

The making up

The morning talks

And those late afternoon walks

I miss my friend

The one my heart and soul confided in

The one I felt the safest with

The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again

And let the light back in

I miss my friend.

'I miss my friend' Darryl Whorley

Again Kane wiped his eyes, trying to clear his vision. Suddenly the SUV lurched right. Kane's eyes flew open just in time to see the world tip as the vehicle began to roll.

Oh ...! Kane thought, as he felt the seatbelt cut into his chest.

Opening his eyes, Kane looked around.

I'm upside down? Kane realized after a moment.

How? Kane wondered.

Oh… now I remember. Kane thought, as the memory of flipping came back.

Looking around, Kane realized that the SUV had come to rest on its roof.

Damn this seat belt is killing me. Kane thought, as he assessed his situation.

What is that smell? Is that smoke? Kane wondered. Yes it's smoke and gasoline.

Damn thing is on fire! Kane realized to his horror.

I have to get out of here. Kane thought, reaching for his seatbelt.

OW Shit! Kane thought, when the belt finally released.

Great now I'm lying in the damn gas. Kane thought, as he struggled free of the cab.

Reaching up Kane wiped his head and his hand came away bloody.

Finally free of the crumpled vehicle Kane tried to sit up.

Uggh that isn't going to work. Kane thought, when the attempt nearly made him pass out.

Kane lay there for a moment watching the smoke rise from the wreck.

I have to get away from this thing. I'm soaked in gas and if a spark falls on me I'm dead. Kane thought, as he tried again to sit up.

Ow shit. Kane thought.

Using all his strength Kane began to work himself backward along the ground. Even as he crawled backward, he could see flames beginning to engulf the SUV.

Inch by inch he moved away from the burning hulk. Twice more he saw his vision begin to darken and fought to stay conscious.

I have to get to the road. Kane thought, hoping someone would see the fire.

The smell of gas is making me sick. Kane thought, as he continued to work his way along the ground.

What the hell… Kane thought when he suddenly found himself falling backward down a hill.

Looking up, he realized he'd fallen down into a ditch.

Great. He thought. Now there is no way someone will see me.

I have to get up there to the road. Kane decided, staring up the opposite bank.

Once again Kane began the painful process of creeping along the ground.

Someone has to have seen the smoke or the fire. Kane thought hopefully.

It's really burning now. Kane realized, as he got partially up the far side.

OH shit it can't be. The fire is following me! It's following the trail of gas I've left. Kane thought with horror.

Please! Kane thought, as he struggled to move further up the wall of the ditch.

I can't… Kane thought as he tried to fight his way uphill. It hurts too much…

Please let me die before the fire reaches me. Kane thought, as the darkness closed in around him.

J.J.

"J.J. I wish you'd answer my calls. There's been an accident. J.J. it's Kane he's in Rhode Island Hospital in Providence." Pete said. "He's really bad.. he needs you."

"J.J. Please call me." Pete added.

I hope she at least listens to her messages. Maybe she lost the phone or something… I hope not. Pete thought.

What am I going to do if she doesn't call? He shouldn't be alone. Kane really needs her. Pete thought.

Pete called again. J.J. realized, looking at her phone. I really need to call and apologize to him.

OH shit! J.J. thought as she listened to Pete's message.

Kane is hurt! J.J. thought, ending the message.

"Pete." J.J. said, prompting the phone to dial the trainer.

J.J./Pete

"Pete, it's J.J… what happened?" J.J. asked, as soon as Pete answered.

"I don't know." Pete replied.

"What do you know?" J.J. asked.

"I finally got a chance to talk to him. I showed him the articles Ron and Mike gave me. He read them and seemed upset. I also told him that I suspected Undertaker had something to do with it." Pete said.

Undertaker? I never thought of that. J.J. thought, feeling stupid that she'd been so blind.

"He left looking upset. I also told him I'd seen the tape and it wasn't you." Pete added.

"No wonder he was upset. You blamed his brother. Oh that doesn't really matter now." J.J. said.

"You're right. It doesn't really. They found him lying in a ditch. He'd flipped the car." Pete said. "J.J. it looks bad and I can't take time to be with him."

"So he's alone?" J.J. said. "I'll get there as fast as I can."

"Good. Call me when you get there. I can't get them to tell me much because I'm not family." Pete said.

"Then how am I going to get in?" J.J. asked.

"Tell them you're family or his fiancé." Pete said.

"What about his brother?" J.J. asked, as she began to pack.

"Do you really think Undertaker is going to go and sit with him?" Pete said sarcastically.

"Now that you mention it…" J.J. said, her voice trailing off. "How has Undertaker taken it?"

"How do you think? He hasn't shown any reaction." Pete said. "Truthfully no one has."

"How can people be like that?" J.J. asked, as she closed her suitcase.

"I don't know." Pete replied.

"Pete I have to hang up. I'm only a few states away right now. I'll call as soon as I can." J.J. said, as she headed out the door.

"Please do." Pete said as she hung up.

*J.J.*

I can't believe it. J.J. thought, as she drove.

Pete said he was found in a ditch. Was he ejected or did he crawl out? J.J. wondered.

Has anyone been with him since the accident? Is anyone there now? J.J. wondered. How am I going to get in.

Please let him be ok. God if you're going to take him please let me get there in time. J.J. prayed silently.

J.J. continued to worry and pray as she drove. He mind was a storm of memories.

Walking into the hospital lobby, J.J. rushed to the desk.

"What room is Kane Bearer in please." J.J. asked.

"He's in ICU. That's the fifth floor." The woman said.

"Thank you." J.J. said, as she turned toward the elevators.

"Only immediate family." The woman called out.

"I'm his fiancé." J.J. said, the lie coming easily.

I wish I was anyway. J.J. thought. He has only a brother and something tells me he won't visit.

"Oh in that case go right up." She said.

"Where is ICU?" J.J. asked at the nurses station.

"Who are you here for?" The nurse asked.

"Kane Bearer, I'm his fiancé." J.J. said.

"Right this way." She said leading J.J. to him.

"Oh my god!" J.J. whispered. "What happened?"

"He was unconscious when he was brought in so he hasn't been able to tell us." The nurse said.

"How bad is it?" J.J. asked.

"He has quite a bit going on. His right leg is badly broken. His left shoulder was separated and he broke four ribs. He managed to aspirate gasoline so he's having trouble with fluid in his lungs. But his greatest problem is that he somehow damaged his throat. We believe he struck the steering wheel."

The nurse said. "He's lucky to be alive. If he'd been in the car he'd have been burned."

Burned! J.J.'s mind shouted. OH god.

"So why isn't he awake?" J.J. asked trying to sound calm.

"We're not sure. He does have a concussion but it's not a severe one. It shouldn't be keeping him unconscious." She said.

"Can I sit with him?" J.J. asked.

"Of course you can." She said leaving J.J. alone.

*Kane*

Where am I? Kane wondered, trying to see through the darkness.

"Don't worry, you're safe here." He heard, the voice sounding familiar.

Who is that? It seems I should know. Kane thought.

"Kane, my son. You can speak here. Here you are whole and unscarred." He heard, finally placing the voice.

"Mom?" He said, shocked that his voice not only worked but that it was strong, normal.

"Yes, Kane. It's me. Are you ready to cross over now?" She asked, stepping into his sight.

"Cross over? I don't understand." He said, still shocked to hear his own voice.

"Come with me. There will be no more pain, no betrayal no anger or fear. You will be healed and whole forever." His mother said, reaching for his hand.

"I don't know. It sounds wonderful. I want to go with you. But I…" He said, his voice trailing off as he listened to a voice from far away, a very familiar voice. But he couldn't make out the words.


	34. losing the light Chapter 34

Chapter 34

*J.J.*

"Hun, I know you can't hear me and you'd probably send me away if you were awake, but I had to be here." J.J. paused to wipe her eyes.

"I couldn't stand the thought of you lying here all alone." J.J. said, taking a seat beside the bed.

Then she started talking about anything that entered her mind. She told him about her childhood both before and after her parents were gone. She told him about the fire and how she'd been blamed, then cleared. She explained that even though she'd been cleared no one wanted to foster her anymore and how she'd had to move away.

As she talked J.J. held his hand and ran her fingers up his arm.

"Kane honey, it never occurred to me to tell you about the fire, because I don't tell anyone. My friend Mike only knew because it came out when I applied to the force. Otherwise no one knew." J.J. said quietly.

"I wish you could hear me because there is so much I want to say." J.J. said.

"I want to tell you how much I missed you since we've been apart. I need you to know that I still love you. I always will." J.J. said, bending to kiss his cheek.

"Always." She whispered into his ear.

After a while J.J. fell silent. She sat close to the bed and continued to hold his hand.

*Kane*

"I understand. You are still surprised but all of this. I can give you some time. But not very long." His mother said.

"How long?" He asked.

"Not long." She said turning to walk back into the darkness.

*J.J./Pete*

"Pete, I got here safely." J.J. said when he answered.

"Good, how is he?" Pete asked.

"Unconscious. He hasn't woken up since they found him." J.J. said.

"What's the prognosis?" Pete asked.

"They don't know why he's out." J.J. replied, after giving a brief rundown of Kane's injuries.

"Sounds to me like he should be out with that much going on." Pete said. "Are you going to stay?"

"Yeah, I can't leave him like this." J.J. replied.

"Thanks." Pete said. "I feel like shit for not doing it myself."

"Don't worry… I'll take care of him." J.J. said trying to ease the trainer's mind.

"You call me once in a while ok?" Pete asked.

"Of course." J.J. replied.

*J.J./Mike*

"Hey Mike, how's it going." J.J. said.

"Better now that I've heard from you. I thought you were still pissed with me." Mike replied.

"You know I could never stay mad for long. Just wanted to check in." J.J. said.

"Glad to hear it." Mike said. "So what's up?"

"Kane had an accident so I'm hanging in his hospital room." J.J. said.

"You guys make up?" Mike asked sounding surprised.

"Not exactly, he's unconscious." J.J. replied.

"Oh, so what happens when he wakes up?" Mike asked.

"He'll probably throw me out. But you know I can't let him lay here all alone." J.J. said.

"You always were a soft touch." Mike said. "Don't you let him hurt you again."

"I won't." J.J. replied.

They chatted for a while then hung up.

The hours spent by Kane's bedside turned into days. Eventually Kane was moved to a regular room, but there was no change. J.J. rarely left his side. When she was forced to it was only to bathe and change then she'd be right there with him again.

As the days passed they fell into a rhythm. During most days J.J. would bathe, shave and dress him. Though she couldn't help with any Medical things she took over everything else. She even began to massage his arms and legs trying to keep them limber for when he woke up.

Every week they watched wrestling together. J.J. hoped that the shows would somehow reach him.

*J.J./X-Pac*

"What are you doing here?" J.J. asked when she saw the young degenerate enter the room. "Did you and the rest of DX come to gloat?"

"No, whether you believe it or not Kane and I were friends once, good friends." X-Pac said. "I was worried about him and of course no one knows anything."

"Have you asked Pete?" J.J. asked.

"Yes, he wouldn't give me anything. But I knew where we were when the accident happened so I made a few calls." X-Pac said.

"So do you want a medal for being the only one to show up?" J.J. asked.

"No, whether he can hear me or not this is the first chance I've had where he can't leave when I walk in. I am going to apologize to him like I've been dying to since I screwed up. I'd prefer to do it alone but if you won't leave I'll do it with you here." X-Pac said.

"I think I'd like to stay. I'm not sure I trust you alone with him. He can't stop you if you try anything." J.J. replied.

"Fine." X-Pac growled, moving toward the bed.

"Kane, I know you're still angry with me and you have every right to be. I fell for Hunter's bullshit. I should have realized that Tori was a plant. But that doesn't matter. What does is that I royally screwed up. I can't take it back, but I hope somehow you can forgive me. I'd do anything to prove that it was a mistake. I never meant to hurt you, I fell for the rumors and the teasing. It was never you, you were great. I am an idiot."

X-Pac said quietly. "I've wanted to say this to you since that day in the ring, when I realized what I'd done. But I could never get close enough to do it."

J.J. sat there silently, with her jaw hanging open.

He's serious. I can't believe it. J.J. thought.

*J.J.*

"I thought we'd have a little music today big guy." J.J. said as she setup the CD player. "We'll have to keep the volume down so we don't disturb your neighbors."

"I never did figure out what music you liked best. So we'll listen to a bit of everything." J.J. said putting in a Diamond Rio CD. Then she sat down and took his hand.

"If you don't like this one let me know and I'll change it." J.J. said talking to him as if expecting an answer.

"I really like this one." J.J. said later as she carefully combed his hair.

'One More Day' Diamond Rio

Last night I had a crazy dream

A wish was granted just for me

It could be for anything

I didn't ask for money

Or a mansion in Malibu

I simply wished for one more day with you

One more day

One more time

One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied

But then again

I know what it would do

Leave me wishing still for one more day with you

One more day

First thing I'd do is pray for tome to crawl

I'd unplug the telephone

Keep the TV off

I'd hold you every second say a million I love yous

That's what I'd do, with one more day with you

One more day

One more time

One more sunset maybe I'd be satisfied

But then again

I know what it would do

Leave me wishing still for one more day with you

One more day

"You need to come back baby." J.J. said quietly as the song ended. "You just have to."

J.J. sat quietly, while the music played occasionally she would sing along softly.

"Excuse me." J.J. heard.

Lifting her head J.J. looked toward the voice.

"We'll be moving Mr. Bearer tomorrow." The doctor said.

"Where are we going?" J.J. asked.

"Well, physically he's pretty much healed. So he'll be going to a long term care center." She said.

"If he's healed why isn't he awake?" J.J. asked for the millionth time.

"I don't know. He could wake up in a minute, next week or never. We just don't know." The doctor answered.

"What do you mean never?" J.J. asked.

"Since we can't be sure why he's unconscious we can't say when or if he'll wake up." The doctor said.

*J.J./Pete*

"Pete now they're saying he might not wake up." J.J. said, the second Pete answered.

"Wait slow down." Pete said. "What are you talking about?"

"Sorry, they're moving Kane to a long term facility. They're saying he may not wake up." J.J. repeated.

"They said he's healed nicely, but since he hasn't woken up… they need the bed I guess." J.J. said.

"It makes sense J.J. Even if he woke up today he'd need long term care and rehab." Pete said. "He'll need you then too."

Once he wakes up I won't be able to stay. He won't want me then. J.J. thought. He'll make me leave.

"I know but why doesn't he wake up?" J.J. asked.

"J.J., they already told you he had a head injury." Pete reminded her.

"But they said it didn't look serious." J.J. replied.

"It's serious enough to keep him out J.J." Pete replied.

"I'm going with him." J.J. said.

"I didn't think you'd do anything else." Pete said.

"Moving time." J.J. said, as they prepped Kane to move.

"Don't worry the new place will be great." J.J. said as if he could hear her.

"Look you've even got a window." J.J. said, as she helped settle him into the new bed.

"We're going to be very comfortable here." J.J. said, taking a seat beside him.

Again J.J. took over as much of Kane's care as she could.

Every day J.J. sat and talked or sang to Kane. But he never moved.

Weeks passed without change.

*Kane*

"It's time Kane. You Must decide." Kane heard as his mother walked out of the darkness. "Stay here with me where you're safe. You'll be happy here son."

"I know I would. I don't want any more pain. But I don't want to leave J.J. She's the only one since you who ever treated me normal, she loves me. Mom, I wish you could have met her. I love her so much."

"I know you do. I never really thought you'd choose to cross over." His mother said smiling. "I'll see you again some day. Hopefully not for a very long time."

*Pete/J.J.*

"There hasn't been any change. I don't know how much longer I can stand to see him suffering like this." J.J. said.

"I don't think he's suffering. He doesn't have any idea what is going on." Pete replied.

"I think he does. I think he can hear me but can't do anything about it. Pete I don't know what to do to help him." J.J. said.

"You're already doing everything you can. You are there for him.. no one else is." Pete said trying to reassure her.

"Maybe you're right. But what's going to happen when he wakes up and sees me. He's going to go ballistic." J.J. said.

"Deal with that if it happens." Pete said.

"When it happens." J.J. countered.

"Either way you can't do anything about that now. Just be with him." Pete said.

"I will… how can I not." J.J. replied.

*J.J./Kane*

"Mom, how do I get out of here?" Kane yelled into the darkness. "Don't leave me here alone. Tell me how to get out."

I have to get out! He thought, suddenly feeling threatened.

Did he just move? J.J. thought, as she lifted her head.

"Kane?" J.J. whispered.

Who's there? Help me! Kane thought.

He did move… he's waking up! J.J. thought, when she saw his eyes flutter and his fingers twitch.

"Come on baby… come back to us." J.J. whispered more loudly.

Keep talking… please don't leave me. Kane thought, trying to follow the voice.

"I'll get the doctor." J.J. said, getting up and running out the door.

NO don't go! Kane thought.

"He's waking up!" J.J. said, as she got to the nurses station.

"What is he doing?" The Doctor asked, as they headed to the room.

"His eyes were fluttering and he moved his hand." J.J. said.

"We'll see what we have, but it could be reflex." The doctor said.

"It's no reflex." J.J. muttered, following the doctor.

I can't let him see me. J.J. thought, stopping outside the door to his room. It would upset him. Then last thing he needs is to get upset now.

"Mr. Bearer… Kane can you hear me?" J.J. heard the doctor say.

"Can you hear me? Kane move your right hand." The Doctor demanded.

"Very good… excellent. Can you open your eyes." J.J. heard as she began to back away.

He is waking up. J.J. thought, as she watched from a distance.

J.J. watched Kane grimace as he tried to do what he'd been asked.

I have to go before he sees me. J.J. realized, turning to go.

"You were right he's coming around." J.J. heard as she turned away.

I have to call Pete. J.J. thought, pulling out the cell phone.

Using the phone's memory J.J. called Pete.

He must be busy. J.J. thought when she got his voice mail.

"Pete it's J.J. Kane is waking up." J.J. said, sitting down on a bench.

"So it's time for me to go." J.J. added beginning to cry.

"I thought you'd want to know." J.J. said before hanging up.

Then putting the phone down J.J. wiped her eyes.

I have to calm down and get out of here before someone comes looking for me. J.J. thought.

Getting up, J.J. rushed to the elevators.

*Kane*

Where am I? Kane wondered forcing his eyes open.

"Mr. Bearer… I'm Dr. Hayden, you're at Horizon center. Can you hear me?" he said.

Yes Kane thought nodding.

Horizon center… not a hospital. Kane wondered unable to ask.

"Do you know what happened to you?" Hayden asked.

No! Kane thought shaking his head and trying to sit up.

"Don't sit up just yet." Hayden said.

"I know you're unable to speak… do you feel strong enough to write?" Dr. Hayden asked, bringing out a pad and pen.

Yes Kane thought nodding and raising his hand to accept them.

Horizon center Kane wrote

"Yes.. it's a long term care facility. You've been here about two months. Before that you were in Rhode Island Hospital for about another two months." He said.

What happened? Kane wrote.

"You were in a serious car accident." He told Kane. "Do you remember anything like that?"

Fire Kane wrote

"From the report… that's how you were found. If the car hadn't burned you could have been out there a while." The doctor said.

Really, so the fire was a good thing. Kane thought with amazement, as the memory of the fire creeping closer to him returned making him shudder.

I flipped the SUV. Kane thought, as memories of the accident began to fill his mind.

"I don't know where she is now but your fiancé has hardly left your side." The doctor said.

Fiancé Who? Kane wondered.

Who? Kane quickly jotted down.

"What do you mean Who? Do you have more than one?" Hayden asked.

No Fiancé Kane wrote.

"Well that's a problem because she said she was. Her name was J.J." He said.

Jayla is here! Where is she? Kane thought, surprised at how thrilled he was.

Where Kane wrote shakily.

"You calm down and I'll go and look for her." The doctor said.

*Dr Hayden*

"Have you seen Mr. Bearer's fiancé?" He asked, when he reached the nurses station.

"A few minutes ago. She sat down over there for a minute then she left. She looked upset." She replied.

"Looks like she left her phone." The doctor said sounding surprised.

"Did she say where she was going?" Hayden asked.

"No, I was surprised she left. I would have expected her to be thrilled he was awake. But she was acting like he'd died." She replied.

"What do you mean?" The doctor asked

"Well she made a phone call and she was crying before she left." She answered.

"I have to get back to my patient. If you see her send her in." Hayden said.

"No problem." She replied as he walked away.

*Kane*

J.J. is here? Why? Kane wondered, looking toward the door. Does she still care? She must have if she stayed with me. Or did she just feel sorry for me?

"Well it looks like she has stepped out, but she left her phone so she'll probably be back soon." The doctor said.

I hope so. Kane thought.

"So lets see how you're doing." The doctor said beginning to examine Kane.

*J.J.*

I have to get out of here before I change my mind and go back. J.J. thought, as she began to quickly pack.

I can't do that to him. He seemed to be happier just before the accident. He didn't seem so angry. J.J. decided, as she continued to pack.

I've spent so much time at the hospital that everything I own is dirty. J.J. realized as she finished packing.

*Kane/Dr. Hayden*

"Well, you're looking pretty good considering." Dr. Hayden said with a smile.

Of course now let me out of here. Kane thought.

Ready to go Kane wrote.

"Not even close, you've barely healed." The doctor said.

"You're going to need some rehab to get your strength back." He said.

No need out hate hospitals Kane wrote.

"Then it's a good thing we're not a hospital." Hayden said.

Same thing Kane wrote.

"Then you'd better work hard at your rehab so you can get out quick." Hayden laughed.

What does he think is so funny? Kane thought, getting a little pissed.

I hate to admit it but he's right. I feel like a weakling. But not for long. Kane decided, with a curt nod.

"I'll go get your rehab setup. But I'll leave this with you for when she comes back." He said putting the phone down and walking out.

*Pete/Kane*

"J.J. its Pete." Pete said as soon as the phone was answered.

Pete? He's been talking to her! Kane thought feeling angry.

TAP TAP Pete heard.

Oh no. Pete thought.

"Kane?" Pete asked.

TAP Kane answered.

J.J. must still be there. Pete thought elatedly.

"Is J.J. there?" Pete asked sounding excited.

TAP TAP Kane replied.

"Oh." Pete said. "It's really good to know you're awake."

He's been keeping in touch with her. All this time and he's been talking to her. Kane thought, feeling both angry and betrayed.

"Kane?" Pete said.

Without responding Kane hung up.

"Shit!" Pete cried, glaring at the phone.

"He needs to know what happened." Pete said hitting redial.

That's probably Pete again. Kane thought. I don't want to talk to him.

Come on Kane don't be stubborn, answer. Pete thought, as he listened to the ring.

I didn't talk to J.J. and that was a mistake. Kane thought, as he opened the phone and pressed talk.

"Kane please hear me out." Pete said, when he heard breathing.

TAP Kane answered.

"Thank you." Pete said. "A couple of weeks after she left J.J. called me. She wanted to know how you were."

"Kane I wanted to tell you but she made me promise not to. She worried that you'd be upset." Pete continued.

"She said she'd promised not to try to contact you. No matter what she'd promised she couldn't stand not knowing. That's the truth of it." Pete said.

Promised she'd stay away? When? Kane wondered.

"Are you upset?" Pete asked.

TAP Kane responded TAP TAP

"Was that a yes or a no?" Pete asked.

TAP TAP Kane replied.

"No, good you had me worried." Pete said with a nervous laugh.

"When I heard about your accident I called her. She didn't even let me finish before she was packing. Kane she's been with you ever since. She's been calling me to keep me up to date." Pete said.

"When I called the first time it was because she'd left a message that you were awake. I was surprised that it wasn't her that answered." Pete added.

TAP Kane responded.

"So are you doing OK?" Pete asked.

TAP Kane replied, unable to keep himself from laughing.

"Are you resting and listening to the doctor?" Pete asked.

Yes Kane tapped smiling.

"Well I'm going to let you get some sleep. You're probably pretty tired." Pete said.

Yes Kane responded with a single tap.

He's right I'm tired. Kane thought.

"Can I call you tomorrow?" Pete asked.

Yes Kane responded.

Only tomorrow I'll be sure there is someone here that can talk. I need to find some things out. Kane thought.

Hopefully J.J. will come back and I can find out from her. Kane thought as he hung up.

*J.J.*

I'd better call Pete again. J.J. thought, as she drove. I wonder why he hasn't called back.

Reaching down J.J. picked up her bag and began to blindly root through it.

Oh shit I must have left it behind. J.J. realized, suddenly remembering having put it down on the bench.

Now what am I going to do? I can't go back and get it. Hell, I don't have Pete's number memorized so I can't call Pete without it. J.J. thought.

I wonder if they told Kane I was there. If they did I hope he wasn't pissed. J.J. thought sadly.

What am I doing? It's time I let the past go. I'll never get over him if I keep calling and checking up on him. It's time I admit it's over and move on.

J.J. told herself.

*Kane*

I guess she's not coming back. Kane thought, watching the door.

Why would she stay with me after what I did to her? Kane wondered.

Where did she go? Why hasn't she come back? Why would she leave now what I'm awake? Kane thought, his mind swirling with emotion and questions.

*Kane/Pete*

"No Kane I haven't heard from her. We've talked every few days since you woke up. I would have told you." Pete said.

"You didn't before." The nurse said, reading Kane's response.

"I know but that was different." Pete said. "I want you two in the same room as much as you do. I have since you two stopped talking."

"It's been weeks." Kane's nurse read into the speaker phone.

"I know it has and I promise if I hear from her you'll be the first to know." Pete said. "Now how's the rehab coming."

"Fine." The nurse read. "Doc says out of here next week then I can start training."

"That's great!" Pete said. "You'll be back in no time."

*J.J.*

I thought this would get easier if I stopped asking about him, but it hasn't. J.J. thought.

I think about him every day. J.J. thought.

He'll be back really soon. They've already been giving small hints. J.J. thought.

Maybe it'll be better once I can see him twice a week on TV. J.J. decided.

*Pete/Kane*

"So are you ready for our big return?" Pete asked.

Big return? Run in. Kane wrote.

"I know it's just a run in. But you have to start somewhere." Pete replied.

Guess so. Kane wrote.

"You know she'll be watching." Pete said.

Yes wish she'd call. Kane wrote.

"Me too Kane, me too." Pete replied.

She always told me to kick ass and be careful. Kane remembered. It was nice to have someone care.

Have to find her. Kane wrote.

"I know. We'll find a way. I've already talked to Mike and Ron. They haven't heard from her either." Pete said.

Would tell? Kane wrote.

"Yes I think they would. They know how much you want to talk to her." Pete replied. "I'm sure they'd tell me if they passed on your request."

Kane only nodded.

*J.J.*

OK, so watching him on TV is probably not helping you get over him but I can't help myself. J.J. thought, as she watched Kane wrestle.

Something is different. I watch him week after week and he seems so sad. J.J. thought.

He's finally getting his hands on DX but he doesn't seem happy. Instead his shoulders are slumped and he looks upset. J.J. decided.

He doesn't seem to walk with the same confidence he always showed. J.J. thought.

*Kane/Pete*

Have idea Kane wrote.

"Idea for what?" Pete asked.

Way to reach her. Kane wrote.

"What?" Pete asked, sounding confused.

Request dedication to her. Kane wrote.

"What do you mean?" Pete asked.

Request song on favorite radio station. Kane wrote quickly.

"That could work. Do you know the station." Pete asked.

Yes you help me He wrote.

"Of course, I'll do anything I can." Pete replied.

Help with letter. Kane asked.

*J.J.*

Switching on the radio, J.J. sat back and opened her book.

Nothing like a nice quiet night with a book.

"Now we have a letter with a special dedication." J.J. heard, pulling her attention to the radio.

They usually only do dedications on weekends. It must be one hell of a letter. J.J. thought.

"We received this letter and just couldn't turn down the request. This dedication goes out to beauty from the beast." The DJ said sounding confused for a moment.

"I made a mistake letting you walk away. I was wrong and I should have listened. You're the only one who ever saw more than the mask and I should have known better. You were the best friend I've ever had and I miss you more than words can say. Please forgive me." The DJ read.

"His request is "I Miss My Friend."

By Darryl Whorley.

Beast? Saw more than the mask? Could that be Kane? J.J. wondered.

Listening to the words, J.J. barely noticed that she'd started crying.

I miss the look of surrender in your eyes

The way your soft brown hair would fall

I miss the power of your kiss when we made love

But baby most of all

I miss my friend

The one my heart and soul confided in

The one I felt the safest with

The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again

And let the light back in

I miss my friend.

Has he changed his mind? Does he know the truth? J.J. wondered.

I miss the colors that you brought into my life

Your golden smile, those blue green eyes

I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now

Saying it'll be alright

I miss my friend

The one my heart and soul confided in

The one I felt the safest with

The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again

And let the light back in

I miss my friend.

He's not the only one. I felt so safe with him… like I have with no one else. J.J. thought, as the words brought his face into her mind.

I miss those times

I miss those nights

I even miss our silly fights

The making up

The morning talks

And those late afternoon walks

I miss my friend

The one my heart and soul confided in

The one I felt the safest with

The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again

And let the light back in

I miss my friend.

I have to know! How do I find out. J.J. wondered.

*Kane*

Stepping out onto the ramp, Kane looked around. Then he proceeded down to the ring.

Getting down to the ring Kane set off the ring posts.

Once the lights came up Kane looked out into the audience while he waited for his opponent.

So many signs. Kane thought, unconsciously reading them.

Beast I Miss You Too Kane read noting that the word Beast was crossed out.

What? Could that be J.J. Kane wondered.

I have to know! Kane thought, flipping out of the ring.

*J.R./King*

"Where is he going?" J.R. asked.

"Looks like he's leaving. He's running away." King said.

"No it looks like he's going after someone." J.R. replied.

*J.J./Kane*

Oh man he saw it. J.J. thought, as she watched Kane exit the ring.

Could someone else have figured out the dedication or is it her. The word beast is crossed out that's something J.J. would do because she hated me saying things like that. Please let it be her. Kane thought, as he moved through the crowd.

Still holding the sign, J.J. watched Kane get closer.

Too late to change my mind now. J.J. thought, as he moved closer still.

It is her! Kane thought, when he finally saw the person holding the sign.

Don't leave please don't leave again. Kane thought trying to move more quickly.

Taking the last couple of steps Kane brushed aside the sign. Then he pulled her into a hug.

"Stay." J.J. heard in a raspy voice. "Need you, love you."

He spoke without the amplifier. J.J. thought, realizing both his hands were on her back.

"Yes." J.J. replied. "Love you."

*King/J.R.*

"Oh MY GOD… someone call security he's attacking a fan." King yelled into his microphone.

"That's not an attack…it looks like.. a… hug?" J.R. replied, sounding partly happy and partly confused.

"He's crushing her… someone get security Kane's kidnapping a woman!" King yelled, as he watched Kane sweep the woman into his arms and begin making his way back toward the ring area.

"King she doesn't look upset." J.R. said trying to calm his partner down.

"Are you nuts J.R. she's crying…" King replied, still sounding anxious.

"But she's smiling King." J.R. answered.

"Of course she's smiling… she's trying to keep him from hurting her. Can't you see she's terrified." King said getting to his feet. "Where the hell is security."

*Seth/Pete*

"Pete you better get out here…Your buddy Kane has lost his mind. He's just grabbed a fan from the audience and is heading back here." Seth yelled, sounding angry. "You'd better do something to stop him."

What? Kane grabbed a fan? Pete thought, dropping what he was doing and heading out into the hallway.

Looking toward the curtain Pete couldn't believe his eyes.

What the hell is going on? Pete wondered, as he watched his friend come through the curtain holding a woman.

Taking a few steps forward Pete moved to intercept his friend.

... it's J.J. Pete thought, his eyes instantly filling with tears of happiness as he saw them together again.

Bringing his hands up Pete began to applaud.

"It's about damn time!" He yelled still applauding, as he watched Kane carry her toward his dressing room.

"What are you doing? Stop him… he's going to hurt her!" Seth yelled grabbing Pete's arm.

"Not for anything in the world." Pete replied, turning to go back to his patient.

*Kane/J.J.*

Kane stopped in front of his locker room door and raised is foot to kick it open.

"You can put me down you know. I'm not going to run away." J.J. said quietly.

I'm not taking any chances. Not until I get a chance to say what I need to say. Kane thought, as he entered the room and locked the door.

Finally putting her down, Kane kept his hand on her shoulder.

"Kane I'm so sorry…I…" J.J. began, only to find herself suddenly silenced by his hand.

"Stay please, friends." Kane rasped out with obvious difficulty.

Pulling his hand away from her mouth he anxiously awaited her reply.

"I told you before 'I choose you. If you don't want it, that's something else.'" J.J. replied. "You own my heart. What you decide to do with it is completely up to you."

He's still got his mask on, and where the hell is his amplifier. It sounds really painful for him to talk without it. J.J. thought, looking around briefly trying to find it.

I decide what to do with her heart? Hell, if I get to decide I want forever. Kane thought.

Opening his mouth to speak he was surprised to find J.J. covering it, as he had hers.

"Before you say anything I have to tell you something else." J.J. said quickly, already afraid of what his response would be.

Kane pulled her hand away and silently cocked his head waiting and feeling fear creep up his spine.

"Kane, I…I can't have children. You would be a great father and deserve the chance to have children. I can't give you that." J.J. blurted out, turning to look away.

Kane grabbed her chin and forced her to look back into his face, but before he could speak there was a sudden commotion at the door.

"Kane I don't know what you think you're doing but you have to open this door NOW!" They heard both jumping at the sudden disturbance.

J.J. smiled ruefully.

"KANE, It's Earl Hebner DAMN IT OPEN UP! YOU HAVE TO LET HER GO!"

"Let me handle this, you find that damn amplifier so we can talk properly." J.J. whispered softly, as she turned toward the door.

"No." He rasped, pulling her back in front of him. "Let wait. Doesn't matter. Want you forever and a day."

"It does matter they'll break down the door. Why and a day?" She asked as his words sank in.

"Forever not long enough." He replied, cupping her cheek.

"Yours." He said, taking her hand and placing it over his own heart.

"But I can't…" J.J. began, touched beyond words that he was giving her his heart.

"Doesn't matter." He ground out, tears filling his eyes.

"I think this is in the way." J.J. said, touching his mask.

A second later it was flying across the room, and he was bending to capture her lips.

Just then there was a loud crash and the door burst in.

"Kane you need to turn her loose and back away. We can work this all out but you need to let her go." They heard Earl say from behind Kane.

Kane froze, realizing his mask was all the way across the room.

"Don't move love. I'll take care of this." J.J. whispered.

"What if I don't want him to turn me loose." J.J. said loudly. "What if I've been waiting months and months to get back into this gorgeous man's arms."

What did she just say? Kane thought.

"WHAT!" J.J. heard someone exclaim.

"Quit laughing." J.J. hissed at Kane, surprised to hear a harsh chuckle in her ear.

"Is that you Vince? If it is you need to get these people to back off." J.J. said, making sure everyone could hear her.

"You sound familiar… who are you?" Vince said, she could hear him moving through the crowd at the door.

"It's J.J. and you are all disturbing a long awaited reunion here. SO GET OUT!" J.J. yelled the last.

"J.J…. what the? Everyone get back to work." J.J. heard Vince sputtering.

"Head and I will just get the door. Nice to see you back." J.J. heard, as the door squealed shut.

"Finally, now where were…" J.J. started only to be cut off by Kane cupping the nape of her neck and pulling her into a kiss.


End file.
